/WWF Judgment Day
|by: Marvellous Martin|
WWF JUDGEMENT DAY.
In one hour, Martin could fall asleep 21 times. In one hour, The Rock can do 6 wrestling moves. In one hour, Triple H can use his knee 2,983 times. This is Judgement Day.
Recommended reading in at least two sittings.
We are live from Louisville (loo-ee-ville), Kentucky for Judgement Day, the ultimate test of a man's strength and his yadda yadda yadda. Your announcers are the Increasingly Useless Jim Ross and the hopeless Jerry "the King" Lawler.
In the back we see Vince gibbering at his faction about how everybody is going to win. Brisco takes people's orders for coffee.
Cut the Brisco being attacked by the Headbangers who would be happy getting on Raw, let alone a PPV.
Look! That's the Shawn Michaels, what's that he's doing? He is! He's WALKING! This is what Judgement Day is all about!
KURT ANGLE AND THE BLONE GOTH EXPRESS VS. RIKISHI "THERE IS NO 'A' IN RIKISHI" PHATU AND TOOL COO
Christian says its great to be here is Louisville (loo-iss-ville) and gets booed for saying it wrong. Edge announces they have a new pose for those with the benefit of flash photography, inspired by Kentucky's greatest ever cultural achievement, they call it 'The Jug Band'. They proceed to put on hats and neckerchiefs - Angle has a jar, Edge has a banjo and Christian has a wash board. They do a close up of Edge to show he is wearing false bad teeth and he justifies his existence by pulling a face I cannot justify with words. Funny stuff.
The match starts and the heels get the jump on Tool Coo. The tables are quickly turned and all three of them end up in the corner. Scotty and Sexay hit ass bumps in the corner but the heels escape before Rikishi can do the same. Edge and Sexay trade offence until Sexay hits a stiff sounding inziguri, followed by a second rope drop kick. Scotty tagged in, double hair pull and a double elbow drop. Poke to Scotty's eyes and Christian is tagged in. Scotty hits a suplex and dances until Christian attacks him and whips him into the corner. However, Sexay drapes himself across the top turnbuckle to stop Scotty from getting hurt. Scotty whips Christian, Edge tries to block Christian but goes to the wrong corner and Sexay pushes him and he gets crotched. Edge hit with a drop toe hold and he headbutts a fallen Christian in the crotch. All the heels are ejected and somehow Sexay nearly loses his pants. Scotty suggests Sexay has small genitals. Christian comes back in, takes Scotty down and starts mimicking his dancing. He turns round to see Rikishi has been tagged in, punches, but the tag is made to Angle. Angle tries a sunset flip and narrowly avoids an earthquake splash from Rikishi. Angle forces Rikishi back into the corner but he fights his way out and tags to Scotty, Christian is in too. Scotty hits the face buster on Christian but Angle takes him out before he can do the worm. Edge and Christian swap places while the ref is distracted. Angle is in, beating on Scotty who attempts to mount a come-back but ends up being thrown hard into the corner. Snap suplex by Angle for a 2. Christian back in, but Scotty flips out of his powerbomb attempt, goes for an attempt of his own but instead flips Christian over into a rope stunner. Rikishi gets tagged in and becomes a house o' fire! All three get ass bumped together in the corner and Angle takes the Stink face like the dedicated company man he must have to be. Rikishi grabs Edge for his inverted piledriver but Christian pulls Edge away and he and Angle take Rikishi down with a double DDT. They stand and look proud of themselves until Riksihi no-sells the DDT and takes them both out. However, in a bizarre lapse in logic, Rikishi sells Edge's spear like a gun shot. Edge is then taken out from behind and Scotty hits the Worm. In the confusion, the referee doesn't see Christian nail Rikishi with the ring bell. The referee is still distracted when Edge makes the cover and this gives Sexay the chance to hit the Hip Hop Drop from the top. Rikishi makes the cover that the ref DOES see and scores the win for the faces. Then they dance. Disappointing match with very little wrestling when you consider who was in there.
HBK is in the back with Michael Cole, he was seen talking to both The Rock and Steph, so who will he favour? Cole asks HBK about the rumours on the internet that he's jealous of Rocky (I know that's all I've been talking about), Shawn replies by ripping off ScoopThis - "Well if its on the internet its got to be true."
Eddy arrives in the arena and Dean threatens him. Then Saturn threatens Dean. Riveting stuff.
DEAN MALENKO VS. PERRY SATURN VS. EDDY GUERRERO W/ CHYNA FOR THE EUROPEAN CHAMPIONSHIP
Both guys beat on Eddy to start, Dean puts Eddy across his knee and Saturn hits a knee drop off the top. Just when it looks like Dean and Saturn are going to take Eddy out together, Saturn clotheslines Dean and gets a 2 count on a pin attempt. Dean off the ropes and hits the jumping calf kick, Saturn hits back with a fireman's carry into a flap jack on Dean, then a big slam on Eddy. Saturn goes to suplex Eddy, but Dean pulls Eddy down and Eddy crotches both men with his leg. Eddy is on fire and hits the Eddysteiner (grabs opponent's hand, jumps up to top rope and hits a 'rana) on Dean and then a 'rana on Saturn. His flow is halted when an attempted leg scissors takedown on Dean out of the corner is reversed into a wicked looking side slam. Saturn takes over on Eddy but gets planted with a tornado DDT. Then Dean catches Eddy and hits a tiger driver (SWEET!) for a 2.5 count. Dean tries a powerbomb on Eddy, but its reversed into a sunsetflip which itself is nearly reversed into a Texas Cloverleaf until Saturn comes back into the picture and Dean fights him off. Eddy gets the advantage back on Dean and puts him on the top rope but when he climbs up he's attacked by Saturn. Saturn has Eddy on his shoulders and Dean prepares to launch himself at Eddy. Before he can do so however, Saturn drops Eddy across the top rope, causing Dean to lose his balance and land on the turnbuckle. Saturn hits a beautiful overhead belly-to-belly suplex on Eddy. Saturn goes to superplex Dean, but he knocks Saturn off. Eddy goes up to try a 'rana but Dean turns it into a super gutbuster! Dean gets knocked out of the ring by Saturn, who then goes up top and hits a frog splash on Eddy! The pin is broken up by Dean, but Saturn grabs him and tries to put the cloverleaf on him! Eddy breaks it up and hits Saturn with a brainbuster. Dean pulls Eddy away from the pin and tries to put Saturn in the Rings of Saturn! Crazy! Eddy dropkicks Dean in the head though and HE tries the cloverleaf on Dean (this is getting silly). Saturn makes the save and ends up on the outside. Dean hits a back suplex on Eddy, then goes up top and hits a messed up splash but goes after Saturn instead of making the pin. Dean tries to back suplex Eddy, but Saturn back suplexes Dean too (good spot). Saturn slides to the outside and Chyna takes him out with a vase of roses. In the ring, Eddy tries a sunset flip over the ropes on Dean, but Dean hangs onto the ropes until Chyna interferes - pulling his legs away so he falls onto the vase of roses in the ring. Eddy quickly cradles Dean for the 3 count! Good match considering Benoit has flu and Saturn has food poisoning. That match could have been on Nitro about three years ago.
Recap of Brisco winning the Hardcore championship. He's hiding in the bathroom and his reflection scares him. He punches the mirror and hurts himself. Wow, this is funny, lets have lots more of this please Vince! By the way, I was being sarcastic.
Recap of the lame-ass Shane/Big Show feud.
THE BIG SHOW VS. SHANE MCMAHON W/ OVER-SIZED BOTTOM LIP IN A NO HOLDS BARRED, FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH
Shane comes out first and attempts a suicide dive at Show as he comes to the ring. Of course Show catches him and throws him around for a while before depositing him in the ring. In the ring Show kicks Shane up the ass repeatedly and Shane does comical jumps around the ring. Then the Big Boss Man comes out, remember this is no DQ folks, Show no-sells a nightstick attack and disposes of Boss Man with a decent powerbomb. Then T&A come out (there really is no logic in Test helping the McMahons out is there?) with chairs but get laid out. Trish runs in and hits a low blow on Show. Show no-sells again and grabs Trish, throwing her into T&A on the outside. Show goes after Shane who is crawling down the aisle. Show throws him into the set by the entrance way (a big metal frame work with some thin metal sheets in front of it). Show pulls a piece of the set off (a big metal frame bit) but Shane uses the bar above the entrance way to pull himself up and kick Show in the head just as T&A attack again. Shane uses a big crate on wheels to slam into Show, then he covers for 2 but is thrown off by Show who then destroys T&A (remember that five minutes when it looked like T&A might actually go somewhere?). Shane starts climbing the set and Bull Buchanan attacks Show from behind. Shane pushes a large electrical plug box thing (I don't know what it is) on to Show's leg, trapping him - lots of sparks and crackles come from the boxes like that Mankind/Rock match from a while back. Bull sits on the box and Show can't escape as Shane BREAKS a concrete block over his head and gets the 3! That really sucked!
Show gets taken to the ambulance, he's groaning about his leg.
There is some more shit with Brisco but its not really worth going into. All you need to know is Pat Patterson is the funny one out of the Stooges.
SHIT! HBK is talking to Triple H!! HHH says he hates Shawn's referee shorts, he says it looks like he's "smuggling bananas". I think Stephanie should be worried.
Clips of Jericho/Benoit, Hardcore Holly smashing up Benoit's knee with a chair.
CHRIS JERICHO VS. CHRIS BENOIT FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE IN A SUBMISSION MATCH
Pretty intense looks on both guys, no goofy mic work from Jericho tonight. They tie up, Benoit beats on Jericho. Whip by Benoit, but Jericho slides through his legs and starts slapping him. Reverse armbreaker on Benoit but he escapes. Benoit spins Jericho into the tombstone position, but Jericho reverses it, then Benoit reverses back (why doesn't one of them just drop them?) and Benoit executes a shoulder breaker. Benoit uses a hybrid armbar/chinlock on Jericho, he escapes and uses a take down to try and set up the Walls of Jericho. Benoit escapes but is elbowed through the ropes onto the apron when Jericho hits his patented springboard dropkick. Benoit puts Jericho through the steps, but then Jericho manages to hit a kneebreaker on him onto the steps (this is pretty damn old-school stuff). Back in the ring Jericho is in control, kicks and the double underhook backbreaker. A slap-fest starts between the two, then Jericho misses a shoulder charge in the corner and rams his shoulder into the post. Benoit takes the pad off the turnbuckle (OLD SCHOOL) and rams Jericho's shoulder into it twice. Reverse armbar by Benoit on Jericho, but Jericho punches and hits an armdrag to break the hold. Benoit comes back with kicks and a snap suplex. Clothesline and an armbar on Jericho - he eventually reaches the ropes to break it. Benoit misses a knee lift into the corner and Jericho hits a flapjack which causes Benoit's knee to hit the floor. Jericho drives the knee into the mat again. Jericho pulls off Benoit's leg brace and starts to hit his leg with it and then clocks him in the face with it. Benoit blocks a figure 4 leg lock attempt but gets a dropkick for his troubles. Jericho put Benoit over the top rope and locks in a version of the Walls of Jericho, using his feet to trap Benoit's arms (I couldn't really do that justice). Benoit somehow manages to escape and manages two successive German suplexes but Jericho blocks a third. Jericho tries to lock on the Walls but Benoit shifts round and grabs his leg brace and hits Jericho in the face with it. He locks in the Crippler Crossface! Jericho tries to get to the ropes, but Benoit drags him back to the middle on the ring and locks it on again. Jericho forces Benoit's arms away but Benoit locks it on AGAIN. This time however he gets his arms right under Jericho's chin and starts to choke him out. Jericho goes purple and the ref calls for the bell! JR gibbers on about Jericho not tapping out like you'd expect, but who cares that was great!
The Rock is talking to HBK!! SHIT! Rock wants it called down the middle, what a sportsman!
ROAD DOGG AND X-PAC W/ TORI VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ IN A TABLE MATCH
D-Von and Dogg start, D-Von hitting a shoulder tackle and his kick-ass spinning elbow before Dogg takes over and tags X-Pac in. X-Pac gets hit with a shoulder and Buh Buh is tagged in. X-Pac comes back with a spinning kick, Buh Buh misses a corner charge but kicks X-Pac when he tries the same, Buh Buh hits a middle rope clothesline. The double team crotch attack on X-Pac while Dogg protests to the ref. He runs in and HE gets the crotch attack while Tori distracts the ref. Dogg regains the advantage though and tags to X-Pac who kicks D-Von down and then hits the HOMOEROTIC MOVE OF DEATH in the corner. Dogg back in and he locks D-Von in a front chancery. D-Von gradually forces Dogg back to his corner but when he makes the tag to Buh Buh, the ref doesn't see it because of X-Pac's interference (how many times are they going to use this?). Both of DX in and they whip D-Von into the ropes, but he ducks their swing and hits a double clothesline. He gets the tag to Buh Buh who side slams X-Pac and hits the full nelson atomic drop on Dogg. "TABLES!" Tables set up in opposite corners of the ring, D-Von is outside with Dogg. D-Von gets thrown through the steps, then Dogg sets up a table and Pump handle slams D-Von through it from the steps. Buh Buh attacks Dogg while X-Pac stomps D-Von. In the ring X-Pac goes to Bronco Buster D-Von through one of the tables in the corner, but Buh Buh grabs him after setting up another table in the ring. X-Pac tries a frankensteiner but Buh Buh keeps hold of him and powerbombs him through the table. Sharon! Rebecca! Look, he went through a table!! Buh Buh and Dogg start punching each other, the ref tries to break it up for no apparent reason and the two of them throw him through a table in the corner! Buh Buh DDT's Dogg and he and D-Von give Dogg 3D through a table!!! Only, THE REF DIDN'T SEE IT! Brisco appears at ringside and pulls Dogg out of the ring. Tori comes in and Buh Buh grabs her. They set up another table but just as Buh Buh is about to put Tori through it, Brisco crotches Buh Buh and saves Tori, X-Pac jumps up and hits the X-factor though the table. The ref sees that one and its all over! I would like to quote what I had put in my notes while watching the show: "SHIT FUCKING X-PAC BASTARD".
The Dudleys get to restore a little pride by giving Brisco 3D through another table.
Clips of the never ending Rock/HHH saga.
TRIPLE H VS. THE ROCK FOR THE WORLD TITLE IN AN IRON MAN MATCH
The two lock up to start, the break and then lock up again. HHH ends up in the corner and they shove each other SMELL THE INTENSITY. Headlock by Rock. HHH tries to reverse it, but Rock powers back into the headlock. Off the ropes, Rock hits a shoulder block and tries a pin, 2. Clothesline by Rock, another cover, 2. HHH tries to hit a knee but Rock rolls him up for another 2. HHH bails out, and procrastinates for a while. Back in the ring, HHH gets a headlock on Rock, gets pushed into the ropes and Rock hits a big right hand on HHH who goes outside again. Back inside, Rock whips HHH into the corner, HHH hits an elbow on a charging Rock and then a clothesline. HHH starts to work on Rock's arm for a while. Rock fights out but HHH hits an armbar takedown (Jeff Jarrett style!) and gets a 2 count on a pin. He goes back to the arm, Rock pushes HHH into the corner and punches. HHH comes off the ropes, kicks Rock when he bends down for a backdrop but ROCK BOTTOM out of nowhere for FALL NUMBER 1.
Rock throws HHH around on the outside, HHH ends up against the steel railing in the aisle. HHH punches back, but hits his knee on the guard rail when Rock moves. Rock suplexes HHH into the ring from the apron for a long 2 count. Rock hits HHH's knee against the ring post and stamps it. Rock just about manages a figure 4 leg lock! HHH fights it and nearly gets pinned twice when he lets his shoulders rest on the mat. HHH tries to turn it but fails, he is successful on his second attempt though and they both grab the ropes, HBK breaks the hold. Both slide to the outside, Rock throws HHH into the announce table and the ring. HHH reverses a whip and throws Rock into the security barrier and hits a clothesline. Rock thrown over the barrier, HHH follows and they start brawling in the crowd. They get back to the ring and HHH stomps the fallen Rock, then suplexes him. HHH hits two elbow drops and gets a 2 count. He graps Rock's wrists and pushes his arms down to pin him, a series of near falls follow as Rock pushes his arms up and HHH forces them down again. Rock gets up and fights back, but gets thrown out of the ring. HHH follows but gets put into the steps knee-first. Rock works on the knee in the ring, traps the knee in the ropes in the corner and knee drops it - looked painful. Leg lock applied to the injured leg, HHH rakes the eyes to escape. Rock hits a knee breaker and attempts another figure 4, but HHH pushes him with his free foot. Rock bounces into the turnbuckle and right back into a Pedigree! HHH gets the 3 for FALL 2. Finally.
HHH chokes Rock, HBK breaks it up. Rock reverses a whip but HHH counters with a small package for another pin! FALL 3 TO HHH.
Rock gets pushed to the outside, HHH follows and they go down the aisle. HHH gets thrown into the set. Suplex attempt by Rock reversed and he hits the concrete. Both men are down and HBK starts counting them. They recover and head towards the ring. HHH grabs Rock outside but Rock hits a fluffed back suplex. HHH thrown into the side of the ring and eats backdrop cake. Back in the ring and HHH catches Rock out with a knee lift and hits a piledriver, then gets the pin! FALL 4 TO HHH.
Both men are up, HHH beating on the Rock in the corner. HBK breaks it and Rock mounts a come back until HHH hits an elbow and gets a long 2 count. HHH climbs to the top rope but Rock throws him off. Both are down while HBK counts. Rock punches HHH, tries a whip to the corner that HHH reverses> Rock hits an elbow when HHH charges. HHH down and Rock tries La Mahistrol for at close 2. Off the ropes and HHH hits a knee lift for a 2 count. Both men punch at each other, Rock comes off the ropes and gets caught in a sleeper hold. HHH uses the ropes for extra leverage and HBK catches him doing it the second time and breaks the hold. HHH tries another sleeper but Rock hits a belly-to-belly for a 2 count. Rock off the ropes and screws up his float-over DDT (not seen that for a while) so he just hits a normal DDT on HHH and scores the pin. FALL 5 TO THE ROCK.
Both men slide to the outside. HHH is thrown into the steps again. HHH bounced off the time keeper's table, but then hits Rock into it too. HHH grabs a chair but HBK takes it off him and absentmindedly throws it into the ring. Rock throws HHH into the steps really hard. HHH throws Rock into the barrier, but Rock springs back and hits a neckbreaker. HHH kicks Rock and hits him with the chair DING DING! FALL 6 TO THE ROCK VIA DQ.
HHH did the damage because he covers Rock and gets a 3 count! Classic heel trick!! FALL 7 TO HHH.
Rock is juicing. HHH hits another sleeper, Rock fights out after his arm falls twice. He puches, goes off the ropes but HHH locks on another sleeper hold and Rock's arm falls three times. HOLY SHIT HHH GOT A FALL WITH A FUCKING SLEEPER! OLD SCHOOL! FALL 8 TO HHH THE OLD SCHOOL WONDER.
HHH won't break the sleeper and HBK yanks him off by his hair. HHH isn't happy and shoves HBK, who shoves back. Rock does the old "oh look I'm all dizzy, oh no I'm not!" trick, attacks HHH and throws whips him into the corner, Hunter flips over the outside. HHH gets back in, fights back and hits a kick and a DDT for a 2.5 count! HHH goes to the top rope, Rock crotches him and climbs up. HHH pushes Rock off, but he tries again - superplex on HHH! There's nothing like a superplex to add the drama huh? Rock just manages to cover HHH for a 2 count. EIGHT MINUTES LEFT and HHH is clotheslined to the outside. Rock follows and puts HHH into the steps AGAIN. Rock slingshots HHH into the ring post. HHH reverses a whip and Rock goes into the steps (give the steps a rest will ya?). SIX MINUTES REMAINING and HHH is pulling the monitors out of the announce table. HHH drags Rock over and they both climb on the table. HHH prepares to Rock Bottom Rock (that Rock Bottom by HHH through the table last week was cool wasn't it?) but Rock reverses it and hits the Pedigree on HHH! The table didn't break! Rock gets in the ring and HHH is counted out. FALL 9 TO THE ROCK
FOUR MINUTES LEFT. The McMahons come down to ring side. HHH is nearly counted out again. Rock pounds HHH in the corner, clothesline and a DDT follow. Shane up on the apron and punched down, same happens to Vince. Spinebuster on HHH and PEOPLE'S ELBOW!! Rock gets the pin and FALL 10.
Shane pulls HBK out of the ring, he punches Shane and Vince out. HBK gets back on the apron but gets knocked off and is officially a bumped ref. X-Pac and Road Dogg are in and some stuff has started playing on the screen. The Rock gets chaired, but then THE UNDERTAKER ON A MOTORCYCLE!!!! He clears house, Shane gets a chokeslam, then X-Pac gets one. Undertaker turns to HHH and chokeslams him too. HBK is back in the ring now and Undertaker has HHH in the tombstone position. HBK tries to signal to him to stop. The buzzer for the end goes (oops), then HHH eats tombstone. The bell rings and HBK talks to Finkel. Finkel announces that the winner, BY OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE AND NEW WORLD WRESTLING CHAMPION, HHH!!!
Undertaker looks shocked, Rock looks shocked, I look shocked, the end.
That main even was about a million times better than I expected. It wasn't quite a classic though.
The undercard has its weak points - the tag matches and the Big Show/Shane match, but apart from that it was pretty entertaining and exceeded my expectations.