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The opening clips show the past greats to be crowned King of the Ring. In a glaring and unacceptable omission, they totally miss out Mabel - someone's gonna get fired for that!

We are LIIIIIIIVE from Boston for King of the Ring 2000! Your hosts are JIMMIE ROSS AND JERRY "THE KINK" LAWLER. "Lets hope this one doesn't blow chunks!" Jim might have said if he wasn't too afraid to shoot.

RIKISHI VS. BENOIT

Rikishi disappoints me by not flipping over the ropes to enter the ring.
Brawling to start, Rikishi backed into the corner but he fights back and hits a Samoan drop. Outside they go and Benoit goes into the steps. Back in and Benoit is trying a German suplex, eventually he gets it - the commentators mark out like Benoit just stopped the Titanic from sinking, which I'm sure he could do anyway. Rikishi beaten back into the corner and then Benoit locks on a standing armbar with a chinlock - a pseudo standing crossface if you will. Stiff slaps from Benoit, but he has a corner whip reversed but moves before Rikishi can hit the avalanche. Benoit locks on the Crippler Crossface!!! Rikishi won't tap out though and in a fit of peak Benoit leaves the ring, grabs a chair and attacks Rikishi with it thus giving Rikishi the win by DQ. WTF? Benoit proceeds to lock on the crossface while a load of officials try to stop him. He lets go, but only to go up top and hit the Flying Headbutt of Cripplertude! Back to the crossface and Benoit eventually gives up and leaves. That sucked.

The FACGIME are backstage and HHH warns Vince not to lose his cool. Vince insists he is 'Joe Cool' tonight. *yawn*

We get a MOMENTS AGO clip of Benoit attacking Rikishi. Am I the only one who finds these a little patronising, especially on a PPV?

Michael Cole is in the back with Benoit - why Chris, why? He says he is the best technical wrestler in the world and no one can stop him doing what he wants to do. Who wrote this shit?

VAL VENIS (W/ RIKISHI'S FAVOURITE LADY) VS. EDDY GUERRERO (W/ THE DAUGHTER OF ANDRE THE GIANT, THE NINTH WONDER OF THE WORLD - CHYNA)

Eddy's cut his hair!! No more mullet!
Venis fights Eddy off and attacks him in the corner to start. Eddy reverses a whip to the opposite corner and hits a dropkick on Val. Eddy and Val go off the ropes and Eddy hits a flying elbow. Venis comes back but they spill over the top rope to the outside. Eddy chops Val, but he comes back and drops Eddy across the security rail. Back in and Val climbs to the top, only to get caught and Eddy executes a superplex for a 2 count. Eddy follows up with a European uppercut, a whip into the ropes and a drop toe hold. Eddy locks on a hybrid surfboard/chinlock but then changes to a surfboard/dragon sleeper. Val pokes Eddy's eyes to escape but Eddy drives him into the corner and hits a dropkick, then a backslide for Eddy gets a two. Val comes back with a modified flapjack and hits an elbow for 2. Val hits Eddy with a backbreaker and hold him over his knee for a minute before dropping him. Val whips Eddy into the ropes but Eddy hits a frankensteiner and a back suplex. Eddy goes up top but sees Val moving and rolls out of harms way, only to turn around and be hit with a spinebuster. Val goes up top but Eddy puts his knees up on the splash attempt and Eddy cradles Val for a 2.9 count. Val comes back with an elbow and a pin using the ropes but still only gets a 2. Eddy fights back and dumps Val on the top rope. Val shoves Eddy off but can't the second time and Eddy hits a super frankensteiner. Trish gets up on the apron but Chyna pulls her off! Val grabs Chyna's hair and pulls her up, but Chyna hits Val and Eddy rolls him up for a 2.9! Close. Another exchange ends with a backslide attempt turned into a fisherman suplex by Val for the 3 count! That wasn't as good as it sounded.

Patterson complains about the outfits he has. He says he wants to look better than Patterson and look thin and sexy. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD CAN THIS PLEASE STOP?

The Coach is talking to Rikishi, he insists he's okay, and he's looking forward to beating Val's ass.

CRASH VS. BULL BUCHANAN

You know, back in prison Bull was 'King of the Rim'

Bull has new music and new ring attire. Note to the WWF producers - you can take a big fat ugly pig and dress it in the finest of evening gowns, use the most expensive cosmetics, and have it wear the finest of all wigs. The thing is, you still end up with a big fat ugly pig in a dress with a wig and lipstick on.
The next few minutes consist of Crash trying to attack Bull and Bull fighting him off and throwing him around. Press slam, then Bull hits a big clothesline, a double backbreaker and a big kick to the head. Bull continues to beat on Crash while the crowd slowly dies of boredom. Bull hits a hanging suplex for 2. Outside, double axehandle on Crash from the apron, into the barrier, then back in. Crash tries to fight back in the ring but gets a knee to the gut. Crash driven into the mat, but he avoids the scissors kick and cradles Bull for the 3 count! That totally sucked!

KotR has been BAD so far in case you hadn't guessed.

Vince is talking to Linda and droning on about everything she's done. Something about no interference was mentioned but I wasn't really concentrating. Can you blame me?

KURT ANGLE VS. CHRIS JERICHO

The caption for Angle's name includes 'American Hero' - cute.
Angle makes his usual references to the town's sports teams sucking. Jericho comes out and actually resists saying jackass! He says in his eyes Angle is already the King. The King of goofy ring attire, nerds, and 30 year old virgins. Heh.
Angle takes control early on with brawling and a sweet overhead belly to belly for a two count. Jericho comes back with the Screaming Forearm and some stiff chops. He charges Angle but Angle backdrops him - however Jericho lands on the apron, goes to the top rope and catches Angle by surprise with a missile dropkick for 2. Another exchange and Jericho takes Angle down and hits the Lionsault! My sanity is spared when Angle puts his foot on the ropes to escape the count. Angle roles to the ring apron and gets the springboard dropkick from Jericho to the floor. Angle thrown into the barriers, but he backdrops Jericho over them. Jericho fights back but goes hard into the steps, back in the ring Angle hits a floatover suplex for another 2 count. Angle clamps on a chinlock, Jericho fights out of it, slides under Angle's legs and hits the butterfly backbreaker. Angle is thrown into the ropes but he grabs them to avoid the Jericho dropkick. Angle slingshots Jericho into the turnbuckle and hits a back suplex for a LONG 2 count. Angle breaks a Jericho comeback with a stiff clothesline for 2. Angle and Jericho brawl until Angle hits a bridged German suplex for another long 2 count. Jericho regains the advantage until a charge at Angle the corner means he eats a boot to the face. Angle climbs the turnbuckle but gets dropkicked by Jericho and he gets crotched. Jericho climbs and hits a super frankensteiner. Jericho continues the assault with slaps, his whip is reversed but he hits Angle with a spinning heel kick for a 2 count. Jericho whips Angle into the corner to set him up for the face jam, but Angle clotheslines him and gets another 2 count. Jericho avoids an Olympic Slam attempt and uses a take down to set up the Walls of Jericho! Steph comes down to ring side and gets up on the apron and stops the ref from seeing Angle tap out! Jericho goes over to Steph and Angle hits him from behind, causing a ref bump. Steph goes to hit Jericho with the belt but ends up hitting Angle! Jericho grabs Steph and......kisses her!! She escapes and Angle blindsides Jericho with the Olympic Slam (or the Right Angle? Where art thou Peacock?) for the 3 count! Jericho is SO stupid for not seeing that coming!

Shane tells Vince off for not being cool.

Mick Foley is at WWF New York! Ivory is serving drinks, wow - she really has been de-pushed! JR and Jerry talk to Mick, he says the fans love his new hair cut, and he's backing Angle to win. The thank him and then HE SAYS "HAVE A NICE DAY!" YES! Geez, I'm such a fan boy.

T&A (W/ TRISH) VS. E&C VS. M&J (W/THE LOVELY LITA AND A MASSIVE POP) VS. S&B

Edge and Christian come out first. Christian pretends to play to the crowd again and somr of them fall for it, AGAIN. They unveil a special pose for Boston which involves some baseball reference I don't get because I'm an ignorant damn limey.
Its elimination rules, only 2 men in the ring at any one time. There might be a chance I'll be able to call this one as a result.
Jeff and Albert start, Jeff gets beat down but escapes a press slam attempt but gets hit with a backdrop on the rebound. Jeff comes back with a slam and a dropkick. He escapes to the outside and runs around the corner, gets back in and makes a tag to Matt Albert doesn't see. Matt gets distracted by Trish and pays for it, taken down and Test is tagged in. A double backdrop on Matt and a kick to the face after some resistance. Matt escapes the Meltdown attempt and sets Test up for the Twist of Fate, though he sees Trish on the apron and takes a swing at her. Lita pulls Trish down and while Test is distracted by the gratuitous eye candy-fest on the outside, Matt hits the Twist of Fate. Albert in and a melee between the two teams commences until Test hits the Meltdown on Matt. The ref is distracted while Test is covering and Jeff hits him with the Swanton Bomb, then takes Albert out of the ring with an insane body press while Matt eliminates T&A with a pin on Test.

Scotty is in with Jeff, Scotty gains control and prevents a Jeff attack with a jumping flapjack. Scotty dances too close to Christian who tags his back. Matt tagged in too and he takes control, hitting a second rope leg drop for a 2. Double team on Christian, Edge runs in and takes a double suplex. Jeff slides outside and Christian blindsides him and throws him back in, Edge covers for a 2 count. Chinlock on Jeff quickly broken and the ref is distracted which allows Lita to hit a really good flying head scissors take down on Edge from the top rope! Jeff gets a 2 from it. Christian and Matt both tagged in, Matt hits a sleeper hold drop on Christian for a 2 count. Matt hits the Twist of Fate on Christian! One, two, th- Edge pulls Matt off! Jeff goes up top to hit a Swanton but Edge pushes him off, he then distracts Matt long enough for Christian to recover and nail Matt with the Impaler for the 3!

Grand Master Sexay and Edge are in. Sexay with a reverse neckbreaker and a middle rope drop kick. JR makes an odd comment and says that after that move he's sure Sexay's parents must be proud, Jerry agrees sheepishly, weird. Scotty is in and double hair take down on Christian and some really stupid looking double teaming by Tool Coo on Christian and Edge follow. Edge catches Scotty off guard with a spinning heel kick though and Christian does a great job of mocking Tool Coo's dancing until Sexay spits his gum in Christian's face. Scotty recovers and attacks but gets nailed with a Russian leg sweep for a 2 count. Edge in and a double falling headbutt on Scotty gets another 2 count. Christian back in but Scotty blocks two corner charges and clotheslines Christian. Both are down and eventually make the tags to their partners. Sexay is a house o' fire. Edge falls into the ropes and gets tied up, the ref stops Sexay from taking advantage however while Christian unties him. Christian then stands on the apron looking away from the ring for what seems like hours while Sexay sets up a slingshot on Edge into Christian - Sexay with the roll up for 2. Sexay then hits a pretty good powerbomb on Edge but Christian stops the count. Double flapjack on Sexay, Edge and Christian start mocking Scotty's hopping worm dance and Scotty hits them both with face jams. Edge lies prone and Scotty forces him to eat a Worm!!! Christian runs in with a belt but gets kicked in the face by Sexay. Scotty holds Edge out and Sexay legdrops him from the top rope, Sexay covers but the ref is making Scotty get out of the ring which gives Christian enough time to come in and nail Sexay with the belt. Edge makes the cover and we have NEW tag champions! Not a bad match, still rather shallow though.

Crash Holly is backstage, he says Angle is in big trouble and he's going to get Patterson and Brisco too. Does he really talk like that?

RIKISHI VS. VAL VENIS (W/ TRISHIE STRATTIEKINS)

Rikishi gets the advantage in the early going, totally forgetting to see the injured arm, doh! They go to the outside and Val goes into the steps. The crowd is dead. Back in the ring Rikishi hits a big leg drop and then hits a butt bump in the corner. Val comes back with an armbar take down. Val starts beating Rikishi down and working on the arm. Rikishi comes back with punches, Val is dazed but he ducks the final swing and hits the DDT. Val goes up top to end it, but Rikishi gets up, Val looks really pissed about that. Val jumps right into a belly to belly suplex by Rikishi and is pinned for the 3? What the hell was that? Trish runs in and jumps on Rikishi's back, he dumps her to the mat and drags her to the corner. He's about to hit a Bazai Drop (the bastard!) when Val crotches him, Trish escapes and Val pulls Rikishi back to the mat. Then attacks Rikishi's arm with the ring steps and a chair.

Ladies and Gentlemen - this tournament blows chunks.

Brisco is interviewed by the Coach. Coach is chuckling about Brisco having to dress as a woman, Brisco takes him to task for it and says the only emotion running through him is 'revenge'. Coach points out 'revenge' isn't an emotion. Hee hee.

CRASH VS. ANGLE

Early exchange favours Crash, Angle counters with a small package for 2. Crash comes back with a powerslam for 2. Crash whips Angle but his hiptoss is blocked and Angle makes the move of the night by countering with a reverse tiger suplex. Crash beaten on in the corner, avalanche clothesline by Angle, followed up by a suplex for 2. The crowd is restless, probably because there hasn't been an entrance for over 2 minutes! (that was sarcasm by the way). Crash comes back but takes a knee to the gut. Angle beats on Crash in the corner again, but Crash turns the tables on him and whips him into the opposite corner and hits an elbow. Crash stays in control with a backdrop, then hits a missile dropkick from the top for 2.5. Angle comes back, hits a top rope stunner and the Olympic Slam for the 3.

The WWF kisses Donald Trump's ass.

Kane is interviewed, he says he is going to win the belt. Interview with the Undertaker, he says Kane isn't going to win the belt. I admit I'm paraphrasing somewhat there.

BRISCO VS. PATTERSON IN A HARDCORE, EVENING GOWN, THIS WILL REALLY PISS OFF THE PURISTS MATCH

Brisco's hardcore! He's wearing heels!

I hope you won't think bad of me if I don't recap this match properly, as *funny* as the banana and Patterson pulling a maxi-pad out of his pants and rubbing it in Brisco's face was. Instead, here are two small quotes from JR uttered during the match:

"What has our business come to?"
"This is hideous!"

Here is also a list of some of the wrestlers who deserved to be on this PPV instead of these two old fools:
Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, D'Lo Brown, Stevie Richards, Gangrel, Taka, Funaki, Hardcore Holly, Al Snow, Steve Blackman, and I'm sure there are more.

Anyway, the torture is finally ended when Crash comes out of nowhere with a garbage can and another ref, takes both of them out, clocks Patterson with the can and gets the pin! THANK JEBUS!

THE DUDLEY BOYS (W/ A TABLE WITH TORI'S NAME ON IT) VS. THE RAPPING IDIOT, PIG FACE, AND THE FORMER MAN

So let me get this straight - DX need to put both Dudleys in the dumpster, but the Dudleys have to put all three of DX through tables? Are you tired of these stupid gimmick matches yet?
Buh Buh and RD start, Buh Buh is distracted by Tori and RD attacks. Buh Buh fights back with a kick and a second rope clothesline. D-Von in but RD pokes the eyes and X-Pac is tagged in. X-Pac stands around posing like a moron and gets taken out as a result. X-Pac hits a kick to the face however, and tags Tori in. She kicks him a couple of times and tags RD, D-Von tries to fight back but to no avail. X-Pac tagged in and the double team is on, but D-Von counters with a double clothesline! Buh Buh tagged in, full nelson atomic drop on RD, side suplex on X-Pac. Scoop slam on RD and he gets hit with the double team groin headbutt. X-Pac meets a similar fate, as does TORI - but D-Von lies with his face in her crotch just to piss on the PTC by showing what the WWF can get away with in PPV. RD and X-Pac, the gentlemen that they are, have escaped and are walking down the aisle. They are intercepted however and brought back. An attempted double whip by both Dudleys to throw DX into the side of the dumpster is countered and both Dudleys go into it. Buh Buh has his face driven into it several times. They are then both thrown into the dumpster! HOWEVER - the ref doesn't see it because he is outside the ring making sure Tori is okay after being sexually assaulted. DX get the ref back in the ring but when they open the dumpster, the Dudley's aren't there! They've crawled under the ring and come from behind and hit DX with chairs! Stairs thrown into the ring and two tables are stacked by the ring, one on top of the other. Buh Buh stands on the steps and sets RD up - a powerbomb from the steps to the outside through the tables! YYYYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS! However X-Pac back suplexes Buh Buh off the steps and heel kicks D-Von. Having totally lost a plot and seemingly intent on getting himself killed, X-Pac sets up a table in the ring and puts D-Von on it. He goes to the top turnbuckle, but D-Von hits the ropes and X-Pac falls onto the top turnbuckle. D-Von gets up and superplexes him through the table! Tori is in the ring but has nowhere to go. She jumps in the dumpster and closes it. The Dudleys go over and open the dumpster and are promptly clocked from behind by both members of DX! They fall into the dumpster and DX win! They leave but the Dudleys have Tori! A table is set up , RD and X-Pac come back but are both it with 3D. Tori takes the powerbomb through the table for the cop-out ending. Could fucking DX not make just ONE little job? Would that be so much to ask that they ACTUALLY LOSE?

Doh! I didn't get to mention the HOMOEROTIC MOVE OF DEATH. Oh wait, I just did! Yay!

Angle is interviewed, he's going to win, then beat Triple H for the world title.

Rikishi is interviewed - he be ready for Angle sucka.

ANGLE VS. RIKISHI

Rikishi and Angle meet on the outside and start brawling, Rikishi in control. Angle rakes the eyes but then tries a scoop slam and fails. Rikishi doesn't when he tries it, and then hits an avalanche clothesline in the corner. Rikishi goes for the stinky face but Angle hits a low blow. Angle takes control with lots more punches and stomps. Rikishi is thrown into the steps on the outside. Back inside, Rikishi tries to fight back but gets his eyes raked. After another beating Rikishi comes back with a 2 whips into the corner, a clothesline and a Samoan drop. He then hits Angle with a Diamond Cutter for 2. Butt bump in the corner by Rikishi, Angle get the stinkie face. Rikishi walks away and Angle jumps up and delivers the Olympic Slam! But Rikishi kicks out! Angle tries a sunset flip but Rikishi sits on him and gets a 2.999999999 count! Rikishi makes the mistake of his career by climbing the turnbuckles, Angle crotches him on the top and after some resistance from Rikishi proves to be in vain, Angle hits a belly to belly superplex and get the three count! Some of the crowd wakes up in time to cheer, they probably heard the music and thought it was another entrance.

Vince is talking to his allies back stage, he's confident because the faces won't be able to work together as a team.

KANE WALKS!!!

THE UNDERTAKER SITS ON HIS BIKE AND FAILS TO START IT!!!

THE ROCK WALKS TOO!!!!!!

VINNIE DA MAC, BOUNCY SHANE AND HHHHHHH W/ STEPHANIE VS.

Shane wants to start and attacks Kane from behind and runs away. Kane offers Shane a free shot at him, of course it has no effect. Shane tries to punch again and Kane catches his hand and starts crushing it, then executes a choke lift before dumping him in the corner. Shane bails out but Undertaker throws him back in. Kane whips Shane and ducks for a backdrop, Shane rolls over his back but is then clotheslined for his trouble. Gorilla press on Shane, he then goes for a chokeslam but Vince comes in. Kane grabs him too, but HHH runs in to stop it. Kane hits a double clothesline on the McMahons and Rock slaps Kane's back to tag himself in. HHH and Shane get the advantage on Rock, Shane starts beating on Rock and mocking him. Of course this prompts Rock to mount a furious come back and Shane goes to the outside, Undertaker tags Rock out. Undertaker goes to work brutalising Shane. Undertaker chokeslams Shane but Rock breaks up the pinning attempt! HHH is in and he attacks Undertaker. Undie comes back with a backdrop, then a big boot for a long 2 count. Undertaker off the ropes and nails a massive jumping DDT on HHH, but Kane breaks the pinning combination! Undertaker has words with Kane and Rock tags in. HHH tags Shane but he doesn't want to get in but gets dragged through the ropes by Rock. Rock runs to the ropes but HHH pulls them down so Rock falls to the outside. All six are outside, Undertaker pounds Shane while Kane attacks Vince - Rock is punishing HHH and starts pulling everything off the announce table. HHH fights back and he and Rock end up back in the ring. Rock hits a swinging neckbreaker, but HHH kicks and hits a Pedigree! Rock has to kick out of the pin because Undertaker missed his prompt to break up the cover - HA! HHH and Rock are both down but Rock won't tag and does the 'Rocky Stagger'. HHH clotheslines the stubborn fool and kicks him in the corner. Shane tagged in and the kicking continues. Rock off the ropes and Shane hits a jumping elbow smash, Shane starts jabbing Rock and skipping around, the last punch is blocked but HHH cheapshots from behind. Vince is tagged in, he punches Rock and then tags HHH back in, who hits a good suplex on Rock and then a kneedrop for 2. HHH comes off the top rope but gets a punch to the gut. HHH ducks a swing and hits a reverse neckbreaker. Kane breaks the pin. Vince is tagged in and he starts taunting Kane and Undertaker, Rock fights back but Vince hits a low blow and gets a 2 count. HHH is back in and Rock mounts a come back, hitting several punches and a Samoan drop. The McMahons are in, but so are Undie and Kane who take them to the outside. In the ring, HHH hits a knee to Rock's face. Outside, Kane throws Undertaker into the ring steps! Rock hits the spinebuster on HHH! He goes for the people's elbow and runs straight into a Kane chokeslam! HHH is up and he thanks Kane and pats him on the shoulder. Kane nods at him! HHH goes to taunt the fallen Rock, Kane picks HHH up and tombstones him! Undertaker pulls Kane out of the ring however and throws him into the steps and then hits him with a chair! Meanwhile Shane has climbed to the top rope to attack the fallen Rock, but Undertake is on the apron and chokeslams him off the top rope and through the announce table!! HOLY SHIT! Rock is still out in the ring, Vince goes to do the people's elbow but Rocky springs up and hits him with the Rock bottom!! Rock gets the pin! Rocky is champ! Everyone else looks really annoyed as Rock poses and nails Vince with the belt.

A FEW THOUGHTS, IF YOU WILL.