Sorry to get this out at such a late time, but that's how the postal
service is. They're always trying to screw you.
BUT, at least it's within one month of its original airdate, right? Right? And I THINK I beat Chris Jones with this one, still. But, if I didn't, sorry. Frown.
Hey, there's the "HYATTE RULES" sign. Helms, being not bright at the moment, plays heel to the crowd. Chavo with some takedowns to start, but Helms counters with a snapmare and an armbreaker. Sloppy go-behind by Chavito, and into a full nelson. Reversal by Shane, off the ropes, and he blocks an armbar takedown attempted by Guerrero. Chavo fights into the ropes and we're standing and feeling out some more. Armdrag by Helms, and some rights. Headscissor takeover from Helms, and he sends Chavo in. Chavo hiptoss blocked, and Helms gets a shoulder-lift into a facebuster on the knee. How innovative. Chavo with a clothesline to send Shane to the floor, but he gets pulled out. Crowd is actually somewhat interested in this match, which is helping because the action is crap. Back in now, and Helms gets a rollup for two. Another two count on a sunset flip from Helms as Hudson says we're seeing his "A" game. I sure hope not, and in seeing him lately, I can disagree with that. Concrete crack from Chavo Jr. Tazz weeps. Helms with the boots up in the corner, but Chavo gets a nice dropkick for two. Atomic drop by Shane, and a fantastic reverse neckbreaker to a nice pop. Both men down, and the crowd has really gotten into this match. Two count for Shane as he drapes an arm over the chest. "X-plex" for two. Tony calls it a dragon suplex. Tony is stupid. Two count. Chavo with a foot on the ropes on another cover. Helms sent hard to the floor, and Chavo goes up top. Crossbody off the top, and Hudson just goes bonkers. You know, I can't say that there's a LOT of things I would do in pro wrestling, but jumping off the turnbuckles is one I would do without fear. Helms gets his own plancha to the floor, his much better than Chavo's. That one I wouldn't try. It was pretty cool. Helms up top with a flying sunset flip, two count. Samoan drop for two. Helms calls for the Vertebreaker. Hudson: "HOW MANY matches has he won with the Vertebreaker?!" I dunno, two? Chavo blocks, but Shane hits the Nightmare on Helms Street. Two count only, though. Helms goes for it again, but Chavo gets the knee up into the face and drives him into the turnbuckles. He goes for the tornado DDT, which the crowd gets up for, but it's blocked. Nightmare on Helms Street attempted again, blocked, and Chavo hits the brainbuster for the three count at 11'15". Good opener that really picked up after Helms' jitters wore off. ***
Nose-to-nose and some rights to start off. Reno with a powerslam right off the bat. Kneedrop gets two. To the floor we go, and Reno hammers away. Hudson says that when these two were kids, Reno must have been jealous of Big Vito's success. What success is he talking about? Was he jealous that Vito was in the Mob? Hey, pal, I've seen "Donnie Brasco". All he had to do was have Vito say "This is Reno, a friend of mine" and he would be on his way. He'd be a connected guy. And if Vito had refused to say that, then wouldn't Vito be the asshole that wouldn't help his brother out? How is Reno the heel for having been in jail, since Vito's entire life before wrestling is supposedly him being in the Mob and doing various legal activities? And if none of this matters, then what the hell is the point of this match, and what "history" do they really have? Great storytelling, that's WCW. They never forget the details. Anyway, they just keep brawling around, mostly in Reno's favor. Clothesline by Reno that Vito eventually decides to bump for. Tony calls this a "horrible and ugly display..." Boy, you ain't just whistlin' dixie, Tony. Superkick from Vito finally allows him to get a breather from the brutal barrage of punching that he was under. Clothesline from Vito. Chops in the corner, and a tiger suplex. "Double underhook release overhead suplex" in Scott Hudson's world. It would be easier to just say "tiger suplex". "Big Vito Special" by Big Vito gets two. Reno with a crappy dropkick to the chest. This match isn't very good. He gives the sign and Scott Hudson gets giddy. Vito blocks the Roll the Dice move with a Northern Lights and gets two. Vito goes for the Paisan Plant, but Reno t-bones him over. Vito goes for a suplex, but Reno gets the Roll the Dice out of that for the win at 08'41". This match wasn't very good. *1/4
Impromptu matches are just the most. Knoble and Karagias have the gayest music ever. Evan and Kaz Hayashi start out, and trade rights. Evan with a bodyscissors, and Kaz suplexes him over. Knoble in, but he gets flipped over. The Dragons with dropkicks for the Other Guys, sending them to the floor. Gorgeous dueling Asai moonsaults from the Dragons. Yang and Knoble in now, and Jamie blocks a power bomb. Backflip off the ropes, Jamie to the apron, and he brings Yang to the floor with a bodyscissors. Nice. Kaz and Evan inside, and Kaz is crotched up top. Karagias goes up with him, but Kaz suplexes him off face-first. Hayashi for a crossbody, but Karagias gets a dropkick. Drop toe-hold by Kaz sends Evan into the turnbuckle. Tag to Jamie, and they get a double-team sideslam and flying legdrop. Two count. Dropkick to the face by Jamie Knoble. Flying forearm from Jamie, two count. Really terrible German suplex by Knoble. Tag to Karagias, who lifts Kaz up in a military press, then drops and catches him with a spinebuster. Hey, Evan's really improving. Powerslam, and he nearly blows a springboard moonsault, but gets the full flip despite stumbling. The move misses. Tag to Knoble, who runs over and nails Yang. Hayashi with an absolutely hellacious kick to the head after rolling from a sunset flip. Yang finally gets hte hot tag, and goes to the figurative town on both opponents. Dragon screw on Knoble, but Evan stops a leglock. Yang with Karagias in the corner, and he gets nine of a ten count before backflipping down right into a German suplex for two. Evan with a springboard crossbody to the floor on Hayashi. Knoble puts Yang up top, and goes for a huracanrana. Yang blocks it in mid-move by hanging on, and power bombs him off the top for two. Reverse neckbreaker from Evan on Yang, and he goes up top with a 450 for two. Good Lord, this is awesome. Kaz gets the slingshot DDT, and then into a type of reverse crippler crossface. Tombstone from Jamie, Yang breaks the pin. Yang totally blows the finish as he misses a corkscrew moonsault completely and is forced to go to Plan B, which is an inside cradle for the pinfall at 09'18". This was a really good, hot match. It surprised me at how good it really was. ***3/4
This one's for the commissionership, again. Sanders holds the office coming in, if you had forgotten. Sanders jumps Cat during a back-and-forth cheap heat pre-match segment. Sanders works him over for about a minute, but Cat comes back and Mikey Mike bails. Back inside, Sanders regains the control. Front kick to the chest by Sanders, called a "back leg front kick" by Tony. Jesus, did these guys go to the Bischoff school of commentary tonight? "Superkick!!" "No, no, no, no, NO! Standing front side dropkick, you idiot!" Cat with some kicks and an uppercut. Sanders begs off, and goes to the floor. He grabs a chair, but Jones takes it, knocks him on his ass, and chases him around the ring with the chair. Mark Jindrak and Sean Stasiak are here now, and they're attacking The Cat. Kronik is here now, and they give Sanders his money back after beating up all the bad guys. Cat gets the feliner for the three count to regain the commissionership at 05'43". At least they kept it short, and it wasn't boring. *
Mike Awesome's old Love Bus is now the repainted Team Canada bus. Lance Storm, Major Gunns, Prime Time and Mike Awesome all filter out and head to the ring. Tony says that Konnan's glasses are very futuristic, almost like something from Mad Max. Can people agree that a film made twenty years ago about the future likely isn't what the future is going to be like? Anyone that breaks any rule here gets sent to the penalty box until the red light goes off. You know, there are stupid gimmick matches, and this one really isn't too bad. In theory. Let's see how it comes off.
Storm and Rey Jr. start off. Boy, the crowd is beyond dead, and it was just recently (the last match) that they were really up. Elix wasn't properly tagged, but he came in, so that means he's off to the penalty box. Awesome bumps into Duggan, and that means he's in, too. Three-on-one Filthy Animals advantage for one minute. Clothesline by Kidman, and a tag to Konnan. Konnan power bombs Misterio down onto Storm. Hey, why wasn't he sent to the box? Awesome and Skipper are out now. Rey with a swandive from the middle of the ropes, two count. Kidman tagged again, and Storm snapmares him over and drops a leg. Tag to Prime Time. Buncha reversals and a back suplex from Kidman. Awesome gets sent to the box again, and then Storm is sent, too, for pulling Duggan's shirt. DDT by Kidman, and a tag to Konnan. Rolling clothesline, and a really cool submission hold that I've never seen that someone could tell me the name of. Rey Jr. tagged in, and he gets a flying legdrop. Awesome and Storm out now. Dropkick by Skipper, but Konnan flips him to the apron, only to be taken over with a headscissors. Skipper bridges up right into a reverse DDT in a neat spot. Two count. Mike Awesome gets his first action of the match, and hits a backbreaker for two right away. Spinning somethingscissors by Konnan, and the broads argue outside. The Animals take the advantage, but Duggan turns around and sends Kidman and Misterio to the box for two minutes. Tygress soaks Major Gunns with water, and Gunns charges at her. OH THEY'RE FIGHTIN OH THEY'RE FIGHTIN! Major Gunns and Tygress are sent into the boxes. I should mention that there's one for the Animals and one for Team Canada. Skipper with a chinlock inside on Konnan. The Animals are out, and so is Gunns. Equal strength again. Man, Team Canada wasted that. I mean, not in a markish way. In that they just didn't do a damn thing and made this look really stupid. Shouldn't they have done a bunch of attacking with near falls with that "power play"? Kidman tagged in with Storm, and he gets a dropkick. Rydien bomb for two. A big fight on the floor now as Duggan is blowing his whistle a whole lot. Awesome tries to cut Kidman's hair, and Duggan sends Skipper and Awesome to the box, as well as Konnan. Bronco buster on Storm, and then Tygress gets her face fulla stuff to get sent away. Rey with a Spike Dudley guillotine legdrop between the middle and top ropes for two. Kidkrusher in the ring, one, two, and Mike Awesome gets out right in time to break the pin. Rey Jr. goes for a sunset flip on Mike Awesome, but he gets the Awesome Bomb. They aren't legal though. Kidman gets caught in the Maple Leaf, and Duggan reluctantly calls for the bell at 13'02". I don't know, this was a weird match. The format didn't bomb, which is always good. Let's call it **3/4 for some good in-ring stuff and a rather entertaining concept.
Daffney is in the crowd, and throws shit at Funk. So he pulls her out by the hair, and Crowbar attacks with a chair. They fight into the ladies room, and Kevin Sullivan runs from a stall, laughing maniacally and carrying a copy of Good Housekeeping. Funk kicks his ass and Daffney screams and won't shut up. Jesus Christ, she ruins every fucking match Crowbar is involved in with that shit. And, finally, here's Meng to hit people with things. Meng is the only thing saving me from falling asleep during this with his "Whoahohohohoho! Whoahohohohoho!" They're really doing nothing but hitting each other and ramming each other into walls and whatnot. Crowbar and Funk tip over an assload of tables onto Meng. Crowbar covers for two, but Funk hits him with a chair. Crowbar puts Funk on a table, and climbs up onto part of the seating area, diving off with a legdrop. The camera totally misses everything about it, and we get a replay that doesn't miss it. Meng breaks the pin, and Crowbar goes up on the entranceway with Meng. Meng doesn't even no-sell Crowbar's chops, he just ignores them. Funk with a snow shovel attack on Meng. Funk leans part of the guardrailing on...the guardrailing. Crowbar gets slammed onto it, and it breaks. Funk with some chairshots as I begin to pray for this match to just end. Crowbar and Funk brawl in the ring. Okay, "brawl" makes it sound like they're doing something. They really aren't. Crowbar goes for a figure-four on Funk, and gets it even though Meng is hitting him. Meng...goes up top?! Flying splash! GOOD-NIGHT! And now a piledriver on Crowbar! Meng with the moveset! Funk breaks the pin at two, but he gets his ass kicked, too. Meng to the second rope, FROG SPLASH! MENG WITH THE FROG SPLASH! Two count. And now the whiteys team up on the island boy and beat him with chairshots. Covers get broken up, and Funk DDT's Meng. Another cover, and Crowbar breaks again. Funk holds Meng and asks Crowbar to hit Meng with a chair, but Crowbar hits Funk instead. Funk dead guy sells it, and Meng lays out Crowbar. Meng with the tongan death grip on Funk, and he's the legitimate champion at 11'41". Why the HELL did this get so much time? DUD, with the last few minutes saving it from negative stars.
Sanders brings the Thrillers out after the participants are here, and says he'll make substitutions anytime he wants. Flair comes out and tells Sanders that he's not the commish anymore, so they needs to get to steppin'. DDP and Palumbo start, and DDP takes control. Spinning uranage, called a chokeslam by Tony, by DDP for two. Did Tony take some 1997 pills tonight? O'Haire and Nash in, and Nash gets a bodyslam. Big boot by Nash. Nash whips him to the corner, but O'Haire backflips over him and gets a superkick, which Nash dutifully sells. Of course, Nash is used to selling superkicks, huh? Huh? That's a comment about Shawn Michaels! You see, Kevin Nash and Shawn Michaels are friends! Palumbo in, and now here's DDP with a flying clothesline for two. Superkick from Palumbo. Two count. Double-team slingshot suplex by the Thrillers gets a two count. More brawling around and not much doing until a tombstone reversal spot that DDP comes out on the good end of. Both men down now. O'Haire gets the tag, and doesn't back down as Kevin Nash gets the hot tag. Both Thrillers take the Emerald City slam, and Palumbo is put down with a big boot. The straps come down, and here's the Thrillers. Lex Luger comes from the crowd and grabs a chair, but Nash gets the jackknife on Palumbo, anyway. DDP chases Luger out, and that takes him from the match. Nash sets O'Haire up for the jackknife, and Buff Bagwell storms in to hit Nash with a wrench. Seantonbomb gets the three count, and that's enough for the win and the belts at 11'14". This was really, really boring, with the best spots being when Nash was in, oddly enough. *
Douglas challenges Rection to come get his hoohoohahaha franchised. What the hell was that? There's a chain hanging way high above the ring. This is a time when putting something on a pole was probably the better idea. The ref grabs Shane's package and takes a chain from his trunks. Douglas goes after Rection, but he's the babyface, and this is the opening minutes of the match. Armdrag into an armbar on the mat by Rection, who's yelling "ASK HIM ASK HIM!" like it matters. First blood match, Rection. Some sort of a chokeslam type move by Rection, then he stares up at the chain. Douglas pokes him in the eye, and a kick to the nuts. You get him, Shane. Flying clothesline by Rection. Rection goes up, but gets crotched. This is bad. Douglas works the KNEE, and since Rection wears KNEE BRACES, that = PSYCHOLOGY. To the floor, and now into the crowd. Oh, this is just brutal. I can't believe no one is bleeding yet. I mean, they keep punching each other. Hudson doesn't know how there's been no blood yet, but I don't. There's never blood from this shit offense in any other match, why should there be just because the match is to be won via blood loss? Good God, this match blows. Shane wants to do a ringpost figure four, but he cant, so he just gets Rection's legs in place and hugs them. What a douchebag. Snapmare and a rear chinlock by Douglas back inside. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ANYONE BLEED?! Rection powers up and does the Tatanka stomp inadvertantly, then goes to the floor and pulls a ladder out. Great, two injury-prone wrestlers with a ladder. Good thinking, WCW. Rection climbs up and gets the chain, but Douglas tips it over, and the ladder nails the ref, too. Douglas pulls a chain out of his boot, and nails Rection with a right hand. Douglas wisely takes Rection's chain to make it look "legit", and the ref quickly recovers and sees the blood, giving Douglas his first and undeserved U.S. title at 11'34". This was a lot better than their Starrcade match, at least. *1/2
Michael Buffer lets us know that, in short, the team that loses doesn't win the match. Let's BRING 'EM ON! That sucks so much. "Wow, we get Buffer?!" "Yep." "Is he gonna do his schtick?" "Nah, he's just gonna say LET'S BRING 'EM ON!" "Oh." Two young girls cry as Sarge comes out. Now, I'm sure they're not marveling at the sexy Dwayne Bruce, but that's just weird. It's likely Bagwell's fault. Damn pretty boy. Luger and Goldberg to start, and Luger gets his ass kicked. Double-underhook throw, and Luger tags out to Bagwell. Suplex by Bagwell, but Goldberg no-sells. Military press, drop, catch, powerslam. Sarge is in now, and he's got the cast on, of course. Back elbow, and he nails Luger on the apron. Tony makes a midget joke. "And he ducks, using his lack of height!" That was mean. Frown. Sarge hammers away on Bagwell on the floor while Luger taunts Goldberg on the apron. When we pan back, Sarge is down. Luger in, running clothesline for two. Bagwell in, double arm DDT. Goldberg saves it. More domination on the Sarge, and Luger is tagged. Sloppy forearm shot. Yes, Luger did a sloppy forearm shot. I'm not sure whose fault it was, but that was pretty horrible. Goldberg finally gets the hot tag, and destroys the heels. Pumphandle suplex for Bagwell. Luger argues with that kid that Goldberg signed an autograph for, and Goldberg wipes Luger out. Then the kid maces Goldberg! The best part, though, is Goldberg holding onto him on his fall and just FLINGING him onto the floor. Security rushes the kid, but they leave him alone for whatever reason after they see who he is. "OH, okay. It's that guy." Goldberg blindly spears Bagwell, and Luger nails him with a chair. Luger with the lift, and Bagwell hits the blockbuster. That's it! Three count at 10'59". The announcers cry. I shrug. The match was surprisingly okay, though. ** "Eerily quiet," sayeth Tony. "Yes," sayeth I. I do like when Hudson goes, "He got to be the world champion. 41,000 in Atlanta. And it ends here in Indianapolis..." and then he stops because he can't give out an attendance figure like, "He won the world title in front of 41,000 people, and his career ended in front of 2,000 in Indiana." That wouldn't be good PR, you know. I do like the angle, though. It came off well enough, and the crowd largely bought it.
Sid extends his non-underoos streak to two months by wearing denim shorts. Buffer saying, "accompanied by his fffffavorite frrrrrrrreak, the SEXY Midajah!" is pretty humorous. All three of the non-mystery men are in the ring. Flair comes out and says that he'll send out his mystery man when he wants to. Steiner wants to go after Flair, and Jarrett wants him to get in the ring, which he eventually convinces him to do. Steiner and Jarrett go right after Sid, sending him to the floor immediately. Sid sends Steiner to the guardrail, and goes in after Jarrett. Sid goes for the chokeslam, but Jarrett pokes him in the eye. Sideslam on JJ, Steiner in. Jarrett stops that, and Steiner gets a belly-to-belly on Sid. Jarrett doesn't break Scott's pin, but it only gets two. Steinerline and an elbowdrop. Jarrett poses a lot. Sid is whipped to the railing, and trots his way over there before leaning over them. That was really a funny spot. The heels continue to work together on Sid in the ring. Jarrett goes for a cover, and gets two. Steiner lets him cover? I don't know. Althought Scott's character isn't exactly smart. Sid nearly kills both his opponents with a double vertical suplex. Big boots all around. Chokeslam! Chokeslam! on Jeff Jarrett for two. Sid with a cobra clutch slam on Steiner, and Jarrett is sent to the floor. Backstage, Ric Flair opens a limo and says, "SHOWTAHM!" It's gonna be Paul Wight! So the guy in the costume comes out. In the ring, Sid is laid out. He has just broken his leg all nasty-like, of course. Hudson with his "GET OUT HERE MYSTERY MAN!" is pretty awesome. Flair's music hits, and the crowd is completely silently dead. The crowd barks, and the mystery guy barks back at them once. They had everyone on Earth fooled, give them that. The mystery man kicks Sid once, and Steiner pins for the three count to retain at 07'50". And it's Road Warrior Animal. The crowd sort of reacts, but it's like, "Oh, fuck you." You know, it's a shame this match got cut short, because it actually wasn't all that bad, I didn't think. Huh. **
Not a bad show at all. Definitely moving in the right direction mostly all around. The main event was passable, even with the unfortunate injury. The cruiserweight title match was a solid opener, and the impromptu tag match was the show-stealer. The penalty box match went well enough, too. There was a real dead period from the hardcore match on through the U.S. title match, though, and that means it's no thumbs up, because those matches blew.
Not bad, not great. And you know what that means. It means I put my chin on my left fist and stick my right hand out, pointing my thumb in the middle.