Lumpy's Big-Assed Backlash 2001 Recap
Live from the Allstate Arena in Chicago, Illinois, 17154 drunk Chicagoians welcome you to Backlash. Backlash 2001 is brought to you by the fine folks at Castrol GTX. Evidently they are giving out free samples of the stuff because X-Pac has a bottle or two in his hair.
But before we get to that...every month I sit here and tell you people that my recaps are not going to be the long-winded play-by-play style that most recappers tend to gravitate to. Every month I type up this disclaimer and then I go out and write a friggin book. Hell, my WM 17 recap was like 10 frickin pages. Not this time folks. I'm putting my foot down
For once, I want to enjoy the PPV as a fan. Those days seem like a distant memory. I just want to sit back and take in the action without worrying about missing a move or a transition point in a match. I just want to be entertained. I think I might have picked the wrong PPV.
So on with the 'laid back' recap style. As always, the girlfriend is riding shotgun. And as always, the girlfriend falls asleep 2 minutes into the opening match. Good thing that my hands are free for this PPV. Maybe now I can take the pillow and smother the life...
Six-man tag: Dudley Boyz vs. X-Factor
All 6 men brawl to start. Spike gets thrown around like a ragdoll. JR goes on and on about the Dudleys being the 'wizards of the wicked wood". Groan! Who is writing this crap? A wassup on Justin and the morons pop on command. Albert ho-trains Buh Buh in the corner and Justin and greasy follow it up with superkicks on Buh Buh. X-Pac covers Buh Buh and gets the 3 count. Let the tag title push begin.
Call it a 4/10. Very generic. Post-match and the faces try to save face. Spike hits an Acid Drop on Justin and the other two 3D X-PAC through a table.
The Duchess of Queensbury arrives by limo.
Angle shines his medals backstage while Lillian tries to interview him.
Recap of Jerry Lynn winning the Light Heavyweight title on Heat. Shouldn't you actually debut on TV before you win a title?
Hardcore Title: Rhyno vs. Raven
They brawl up the aisleway for a short period of time. Rhyno tosses Raven's shopping cart into the ring. JR and Heyman follow with the usual assortment of grocery cart humor. Groan! I can't groan too loudly though or I might wake up the girlfriend. And then I won't get the chance to take the pillow and smother the life...
Raven with a drop toehold on Rhyno into the cart. Raven goes to town on him with a handicap parking sign. Raven with a bulldog and a couple of 2 counts. Raven runs over Rhyno with the shopping cart. Rhyno is doing most of the bumping here. Rhyno recovers and attempts a gore on Raven. Raven moves and Rhyno flies through the back of the shopping cart. Nice spot! Raven follows up with a series of kitchen sink shots to the back of the man beast.
Rhyno is up. Gore! 1, 2, 3 and Rhyno retains.
A fun little match. It was nice that they kept this thing in the ring instead of taking it to the back as the WWF is apt to do. Call it a 7/10
WWF Live Events ad.
Divas in Hedonism ad.
Shane and his beanstalk story from Smackdown.
Austin and Debra walking.
Coach tries to interview the Duchess of Queensbury.
Will this madness ever end?
Duchess of Queensbury Match: William Regal vs. Chris Jericho
I am getting away from my 'less is more' recap philosophy. Time to get back on track.
As expected, Regal changes (more like announces) the rules as the match progresses. The match is pretty much all Jericho. A nice mix of technical wrestling and brawling. Y2J destroys Regal's chest with some violent chops to the chest. Jericho hits a top rope Rana and follows it soon after with a Lionsault. Midway through the count and the bell rings. Fink gets on the stick and states that according to the D of Q rules, round 1 has expired. Jericho gets screwed.
Regal locks in the stretch but Jericho gets to the ropes. Jericho counters with the Walls of Jericho and Regal taps. Finkel is on the microphone again explaining that there are no submissions in a D of Q match. Jericho is screwed again. Y2J goes after the Duchess. Regal grabs her scepter and clocks Jericho with it. Queue the Fink: there are no DQ's in a D of Q match.
Jericho with a sliding drop kick into Regal. Regal lands face first in the lap of the Duchess. Jericho tosses the Duchess into the ring and puts her in the Walls of Jericho. Regal grabs a chair and clocks Y2J from behind. He follows up with two more chairshots and gets the 1, 2, 3. Regal wins. The girlfriend boos. I am giddy.
Much better than their match of Wrestlemania. Good but predictable. Call it 6/10.
Raw is War on TNN ad.
WWF the Music Volume 5 ad.
Vince gives the Big Show some instructions backstage.
Recap of the Angle/Benoit feud.
Judgment Day ad. Its on May 20th you know.
30-minute Ultimate Submission Match: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit
Benoit is out second with his ugly purple tights. We are informed that the participants will get a 30-second breather between submissions. That's mighty nice of Vince.
In honor of the hockey playoffs, and because I'm just too damn lazy to do the math, I will call the submission times as they appear on my screen.
At 25:04, Angle taps out to a crossface outside the ring. That submission of course does not count. I am not sure why I even mentioned it.
At 23:28, Benoit taps as Angle tries to hyperextend his knee. We are greeted with a little psychology as Angle goes to work on the knee with a series of chopblocks. Benoit sells.
At 21:57, Angle taps as Benoit tries to hyperextend his elbow. More psychology as Benoit works over Angle's elbow and shoulder. Angle goes into heel mode and labels Benoit with a chair while the ref is out of the action.
At 19:42, Benoit taps to an ankle lock. Angle won't give Benoit the mandated 30-second rest break.
At 18:57, Benoit taps out to a crossface. Angle is up 3 submissions to 1. At 16:25, Benoit backdrops Angle to the floor. He follows up with his patented stiff chops. Angle counters with an ankle lock on the outside.
Back in the ring and Angle locks in an abdominal stretch. I think it's been 6 years since I have seen one of those. Angle sells a shoulder/arm injury. Benoit locks in a sharpshooter but Angle makes it to the ropes.
At 11:57, Angle submits to a 'half crab'. My girlfriend shrieks at the move: "What is that! What is that!" I dream of pillows. The score is 3 to 2 in favor of Angle.
At 8:50, we get our first suplex of the evening (by Angle). At 6:11, Benoit locks in an ankle lock but Angle breaks the hold. Benoit misses a standing dropkick and Angle takes advantage by trying to choke out the Crippler. Benoit finally breaks the hold at 4 minutes.
The two trade suplexes. At 2;10, Benoit makes Angle tap to the ankle lock submission. We are all tied up at 3.
At 46 seconds, Angle low blows Benoit. Angle locks in an ankle lock but Benoit gets to the ropes. Angle with the ankle lock try again but...time expires. Benoit taps after the final bell.
The ref demands that we go to sudden death overtime. Angle is hesitant. At about 90 seconds into OT, Benoit locks in the crossface and Angle taps. Benoit is your winner.
8/10 and match of the night. The purists will love the match. Fans of a more brawling style will not.
By the way, I am 4 out of 4 on my predictions. I even called the OT in the submissions match. Either I am the smartest man on the planet or...the WWF has gotten very predictable. Speaking of predictable, my girlfriend is on the phone talking to one of her whiny friends. I don't even have to pay attention to know that they are talking about how insensitive men are. I know this because I get a "you are scum" scowl when I look over at her. I was going to tell her that she has a big piece of pepperoni sticking out of her teeth but...oh well.
WWF New York ad.
Kane and Taker talking to each other backstage.
Steph and HHH are talking in their locker room. Steph is wearing these skin-tight red-leather Brittany Spears pants. I must have been drooling because I get a "put your tongue back in your mouth" comment from the girlfriend. The whiny friend must have had to go.
Recap of The Big Show and Shane feud.
Last Man Standing: Shane McMahon vs. The Big Show
TBS is down but Vince is out. Vince clocks Shane with a chair and Show stumbles to his feet. Time for TBS to show us some offense. Sidewalk slam. TBS throws Shane across the ring. Another sidewalk slam. Shane gets a count but TBS pulls him up at 8. Chokeslam. Pulls him up at 8. Backbreaker and Test is in the ring. Big boot on Show. Test follows with some punches.
Show recovers and tosses test around the ringside area. You just know these 2 are locked in for Judgment day. Test and TBS brawl up the aisleway. Here comes Shane. A sign shot by Shane to Show. Show grabs a pipe and Shane runs like a ninny. He climbs the scaffolding (OH NO!!!) and Show follows. Test pulls Show off the scaffolding and beats down the big goof (not gook) next to the entranceway. The HOLY SHIT chants begin early.
SHANE DROPS AN ELBOW ON SHOW FROM THE TOP OF THE SCAFFOLDING! Oh my! JR calls it 50 feet and he might not be exaggerating. Shane impresses us again with the wicked bump. Both men are down. Test pulls over the boom camera before picking up Shane and propping him up on it. The ref reaches the 10 count and Shane-O wins.
Call it an 8/10 for the bumping stylings of Mr. Shane McMahon.
Vince, Steph and HHH are talking backstage.
WWF NY with Steve Blackman. Grandmaster Sexay jumps in front of the camera and says something unintelligible. Really no surprise there.
European Championship: Matt Hardy vs. Eddie Guerrero vs.
Edge comes out and spears Matt at ringside. Christian hits the Tomilkaze on Matt. Jeff is in with a Swanton on Christian to break up the pin. Jeff pretty much missed Christian completely. Matt recovers at hits the Twist of Fate on Christian. 1 and a 2 and a 3 and Matt has retained. No Malenko. No Saturn. And really no Eddie.
5/10 might be a little generous.
It's True, It's True Fanatix Series ad
Mick Foley Cheap Pops DVD ad.
Recap of the Austin/HHH alliance and the feud with Taker and Kane.
The girlfriend has taken off her socks and his waving her big Fred Flintstone feet in my face. Her baby toe is bigger than my goddamn thumb!
Three Championships on the line: Stone Cold & Triple H vs.
Undertaker & Kane
Taker dominates early and Austin extends his hand in friendship. Taker kicks him in the face. Taker with the old school on both men and the heels take off for higher ground. Kane runs them down with a clothesline from behind in the aisleway.
Back in the ring and HH breaks up a last ride attempt. The heels mount a comeback and double team Taker. Taker punches out and hits a floating DDT on HHH soon after. This match is pretty much a brawl. Taker refuses to tag Kane in because of his elbow injury. Taker with a big boot to the face of HHH. Taker clotheslines both Austin and HHH. Kane tags himself in.
Kane on offense with big boots for both men. Sidewalk slam on Austin. The flying Kane onto Austin. Kane throws HHH off the top rope to the mat. Austin turns the tide with an arm drag takedown on Kane. The psychology begins as they go to work on Kane's injured elbow. Austin with a chairshot to Kane's arm. HHH tags in and goes to work on the elbow too.
Kane gets close to a tag but HHH pulls Taker away from outside the ring. Austin takes advantage and goes back to work on Kane without the benefit of a legal tag. HHH hits a pedigree on Kane. Austin gets the tag and goes for the cover. Taker breaks it up and lays out Austin with a chokeslam. Steph gets up on the ring apron to distract Hebner. Hebner has had enough and he pushes the princess to the floor. Kane gets a 2 count after Hebner rejoins the action.
Kane hits an enzuguri on HHH but Hebner is knocked out of position. Kane makes the tag but Hebner never sees it. Taker is kicking ass and taking names but it is all for not. Last Ride on HHH but Hebner won't count because Taker is not the legal man. Austin is in and he kicks Taker in the nuts. KICK WHAM STUNNER on Kane. Taker and Austin brawl to the outside.
Steph hands HHH a title belt. HHH swings it but Kane gets the big boot up into the belt and the face of Hunter. Kane with a big boot to the face of Stephanie. Vince is in the ring now with the sledgehammer. Kane grabs Vince and he drops the hammer. HHH is johnny on the spot, grabs the sledgehammer and clocks Kane twice with it. Vince pulls Hebner back in from the outside as HHH covers Kane. 1, 2, 3 and HHH and Austin are your new tag team champs.
This here match was a classic heels vs. faces tag team match. I'm not saying it was a "classic". I'm saying that it followed the classic formula: heels cheat, heels beg off, the face gets a prolonged beatdown and makes a tag that the ref never sees, heels exchange places without making tags, faces get screwed out of the win, etc, etc. On that level, the match worked and it worked well.
All 4 men busted their asses. Call the main event a 6/10. That 6 is not indicative of the effort displayed. It has more to do with the less than inspiring booking of the creative team.
Overall, I give Backlash a 6 out of 10. It's a thumbs up in my books. It could have been better but I knew deep down that it wasn't going to be. The word of the night is "predictable'. I was 6/7 on my predictions. I called the OT in the submissions match. I called the Test run-in. I called the Edge and Jeff run-ins. My only mistake on the night was Matt Hardy retaining.
I said it in my preview...I want to be swerved. I would much rather go 1 for 7 and be surprised by the WWF. It wasn't to be this time out.
Scott Lumpy Williams