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WrestleMania X-Seven

Scott Williams



The wait is over folks. Wrestlemania 17 is here. WM 17 comes to you live from the Reliant Astrodome in Houston, Texas. Why don't they just call it the "K Car Astrodome"? If you are under 18, that joke flew right over your head. WM 17 is brought to you by Snickers Cruncher. Tell me...what was wrong with the plain old Snickers candybar? Does it no longer satisfy? That reminds me of my buddy Kevin. The women used to call him Snickers because of his inability to "satisfy". Kind of like calling a bald guy "curly" or a fat guy "tiny". Get it? Nevermind!

IC Championship: William Regal vs. Chris Jericho

We get right down to business. Regal starts off on offence with some right hands and a clothesline. Jericho comes back with a flying Tito Santana forearm. Jericho hits a spinning heel kick. Jericho with a plancha over the ropes onto Regal. Back in the ring and Jericho goes to the top rope. He hits a flying reverse elbow and gets a 2 count. Regal looks like he is working in slo mo. HE'S BACK ON THE SAUCE! HE'S FALLEN OFF THE WAGON!

Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho. Regal kicks out and goes on offence. Regal throws him twice into the steel post shoulder first. Regal with the psychology as he works on Jericho's left shoulder. Regal gets a 2 count. Jericho with another reverse elbow on Regal. Regal gets his knees up on Jericho's Lionsault attempt. Regal with an ugly suplex. He gets a 2 count. Regal removes the top turnbuckle pad and launches Y2J into it. Jericho with an enzuguri on Regal. Jericho with a dropkick. Jericho with a missile dropkick and he gets 2. Jericho misses a splash in the corner. Regal with a double underhook superplex. Regal gets a 2 count.

Jericho swings the tide and goes for the Walls of Jericho. Regal powers out and reverses the hold into a Regal stretch. Jericho gets to the ropes to break the hold. Regal with some kneelifts. Jericho comes back with some nasty chops to the chest of Regal. Regal is thrown into the exposed turnbuckle (remember me?) face first. Y2J with a bulldog and a suplex. Jericho hits the Lionsault this time and covers Regal for the 1, 2, and 3 to retain the IC title.

Not great but not horrible, The finish came out of nowhere (and that's not a good thing). I expected a little more. Regal looked to be in slow motion out there as if frozen by the size of the crowd or something. Call it a 5 /10.

The WCW 1 limo arrives. Shane is WALKING!!

Bradshaw backstage. He goes on and on about Texas and kicking some ass. That might classify as a cheap pop attempt.

Six-man Tag: Tazz and the Acolytes vs. Right to Censor

Tazz and Val start with the punches. Tazz clotheslines him over the top rope. Brawling by everyone. Venis is back in. Jackie is in the ring and lays out Val with a DDT. Brawling all over the place. Bull hits his 'walk the corner into a reverse elbow' spot on someone. I have lost track already.

Tazzplex on Bull. Big Boot to the face of Tazz. Venis is in and kneeing Tazz. Venis hits the side Russian legsweep on Tazz. Goodfather is in. GF with a slam, legdrop and finally a suplex on Tazz for a 2 count. Tazz is taking some punishment. Tazz is thrown into the corner. GF hits the Ho Train. GF tries to follow with a splash but Tazz moves. Bradshaw is in with a big boot. Bradshaw with an elbow and an ugleeee backdrop on the Goodfather. Bradshaw with a fall away slam on Venis. Bradshaw with a belly to back suplex on Venis. GF turns the tide for a moment and powerslams Bradshaw. GF attempts another Ho Train but Bradshaw moves. Bradshaw with the Clothesline from Hell on the GF. 1, 2, 3 and Bradshaw gets the pin.

Short and sweet. Could not have been more than 4 minutes. Farooq did next to nothing. Stevie was a non-factor. Call it a 6/10. The rate this recap is going, we are looking at 10 frickin' pages. I gotta slow this down. What a perfect opportunity. Look at the next match. But first....

...Wrestlemania 17 magazine ad.

WWF Shopzone ad.

Trish is wheeling Linda around backstage. Steph happens upon them and says hi to her mom. Maybe it's the jumpsuit or the teased hair but, I would do Stephanie! SMH leaves but not before ordering Trish to crush some ice for the post-match party later. I love foreshadowing!

Hardcore Title: Big Show vs. Kane vs. Raven

I am going to invoke the little-known "let's speed this recap up" clause. We have more important matches to get to.

Raven gets thrown by Kane into TBS on the floor to start the match. Some fists and big boots follow until they head into the crowd. The cameraman seems to have a hard time locating the participants. Kane throws TBS into an arena wall. We go backstage.

Raven is thrown into a wall in the back. The drywall breaks. TBS slams Kane into some wooden skids. We go into a security cage. A garden hose and 2x4 see some action. We come out of the security cage. Kane throws Raven through a window! Ouch! TBS throws Kane through a door! Ouch! Kane throws through a wall. No ouch here. It was obviously a flimsy drywall wall. Back through the hallways.

Raven gets in a golf cart. TBS climbs aboard and Raven crashes it, Raven and the ref grab another golf cart. Kane runs over Raven. All 3 men brawl. Raven is cut pretty good. TBS throws Raven over a Snapple table. Kane throws TBS face first into some tables. We go up some steps only to re-emerge at the ramp/entrance way.

TBS clotheslines Kane after some brawling. TBS presses Raven as if to throw him off the ramp. Kane is back up and kits TBS with the big boot while still pressing Raven. Both men fall into a rigged side stage. Kane from the stage with a leg drop. He covers TBS to win the Hardcore Title.

7 of 10. Entertaining crap! Best hardcore match I have seen in awhile. No Pete Rose. I suspect he wanted a little too much money. I guess Maaco isn't paying the bills. No run-ins. No ninja chicks. Whatever happened to that angle anyway? I'm thinking one of Tori's implants exploded and they had to scrap it.

In the locker room, Angle is reviewing some tape of himself tapping out to the Crossface. He tells E&C that he "never officially tapped".

WWF New York. Jimmy Snuka is in the house.

The Coach interviews some chick from Australia. Not sure why I should care.

The Rock arrives in his locker room.

European Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Test

Saturn and his big white pimp hat accompany Eddie to the ring. JR calls the hat "borderline ridiculous". I hate it when JR sits on the fence. Test comes to the ring accompanied by the huge zit on his chest. The girlfriend has been sleeping through the whole PPV so far. Thank the lord for small blessings. Although, if I had my druthers I would prefer her to crash during the main events. DAMN! The beast is stirring. Where is a pillow when I need it? .pillow...and...suffocating...

Test starts off with some power moves: pancake followed by a powerbomb. They go outside where Edddie takes advantage with some fists to the head of Test. Back in and Test press slams Eddie into the turnbuckle. Test with an elbow off an Irish Whip. Test with a slam. Eddie comes back and goes for a rana on Test in the corner. Test holds on to the ropes. Test goes up and hits a flying reverse elbow for 2. Eddie ducks a splash and Test goes over the top rope only to be hung up in the ropes by his foot. A few comical moments here as the ref and Eddie both try to free Test from his predicament. Eddie frees him (to a huge Bronx cheer) and tries to go back outside. Eddie faceplants badly to the floor. Someone else might be on the sauce. Maybe the roids are throwing off his balance.

Eddie works over Test's knee before we go back in the ring. Test is selling. They exchange right hands. Eddie locks in a sleeper hold. Test powers out and hits a tilt a whirl slam. Test follows that with a tilt a whirl sit down powerbomb. Nice job Andrew! Test follows with a full nelson only to be low-blowed by Eddie. Saturn is in the ring and hits a "roll the dice suplex" (If I knew what that move was...I wouldn't be making up my own name) while Eddie distracts the ref. Eddie gets a 2. Eddie follows with a brainbuster. Eddie goes up for the frogsplash. Test moves and counters with a pump handle powerslam. Saturn is in again and Eddie gets a 2 count. Saturn gets a big boot for his troubles before Eddie misses a top rope move and crashes to the mat. Malenko is in to break up the count at 2. Eddie grabs the belt and lays out Test with it. Eddie covers and gets the pin to become the new European Champion.

Call it a 6/10. Good effort from both men.

Backstage Cole is interviewing Mick Foley and his Eddie Vedder-like hairstyle.

Austin arrives in his locker room.

Chris Benoit vs. Kurt Angle

Angle is intro'd first. He is on the stick. He pleads with the Texas crowd to "lose the freakin' cowboy hats". Good heel heat is an understatement. Benoit is out next. The mandatory staredown follows.

We start off with 3 series of old school mat grappling. The fans appreciate it but begin to grow restless. Benoit attempts the crossface but Angle gets to the ropes before he locks it in. Benoit again goes for the crossface but Angle backpedals to the ropes. Angle goes the floor for a breather. Angle is back in and Benoit goes for the crossface again. Angle again to the ropes. Angle is tired of the wrestling and decks Benoit. Angle throws Benoit to the floor.

Benoit is thrown face first in to the Spanish Announce Table. Benoit launched into the ring steps. Back in the ring and Angle rains the boots down on Benoit. Angle with a suplex and a 2 count. Angle again with a suplex and a cover for 2. Angle with fists and boots for Benoit. Benoit is laid across the ring apron. Angle delivers 2 elbows to Benoit's throat. Angle is back in but his met by a series of chops by Benoit. An Irish whip and Angle counters with a belly to belly suplex. Angle again with a B2B suplex. Benoit hits a desperation clothesline. Angle counters with fists. Benoit with fists and chops. Angle with chops. Benoit regains control with a knee to Angle's abdomen.

Benoit with a reverse elbow. He gets 2. Benoit with a snap suplex. He gets 2. Benoit with a superplex. He gets 2. Benoit with the German suplexes. Angle blocks the third German attempt and rolls out and into his Ankle lock submission hold. Benoit reverses immediately and rolls into an Ankle Lock of his own. Angle counters with a kick to Benoit's head. Benoit locks in the Crossface. Angle reverses it and locks in his own crossface on Benoit. The ref is bumped.

Benoit locks in the Crossface on Angle. Kurt taps!! No ref though. Benoit breaks the hold to try to revive the ref. Angle takes advantage and hits the Olympic Slam. Ross calls it the "Angle Slam". Could the IOC be threatening lawsuit? Someone offer Samaranch a kick back and this whole thing goes away. The Olympic Slam gets 2. Sue me! I'm daring you Juan.

Angle with a conventional slam. Angle up top with the Moonsault attempt. Benoit gets the knees up. Benoit now goes up and hits the DIVING HEADBUTT! The GF thinks that move is stupid. So is foreplay in my own damned opinion but some things just have to be done. Benoit covers for a 2 count. Angle with a low blow. Benoit recovers to takedown Angle and attempt the pin. Angle rolls over and with a handful of tights pins Benoit.

So much for a submission finish. Entertaining contest. Both men can flat out wrestle. As expected, Benoit does the job and allows Angle to go over. 7 of 10.

Cole is interviewing Regal backstage. They wander into the Commish's office where Kamala is jumping around on Regal's desk. Regal tells him and Kim Chee to bugger off. Kamala leaves with a picture of the Queen Mum.

A recap of the Fort Hood pep rally. Lita tells us how much she enjoyed her own 'hummer'. It's no secret that I would love to be on the receiving end of a Lita 'hummer'.

Kevin Kelly is interviewing Angle backstage. Angle tells the world he doesn't respect Benoit. The Crippler dives in and locks in the Crossface on Angle. Angle taps. It takes 6 refs to get Benoit to break the hold. Methinks this feud is not finished.

A Chyna/Ivory video montage.

The GF is now awake. Maybe the next match will put her back to sleep.

Women's Title: Chyna vs. Ivory

Oh Joy! Chyna hits the ring in some purple wonder woman-like get-up. The GF's sense of fashion is offended. "She looks horrible in purple. Yuck! What was she thinking? Ugly outfit!" Please make this stop! Kill me! Please!

Ivory gets in 30 seconds of offense after a belt shot to the head of Chyna. Chyna is back up and hits a "Chyna line". Ross immediately apologizes for filling our airwaves with that garbage. Chyna with a powerbomb and a cover. She pulls her up at 2 to inflict some more damage. Chyna with a press. She lets Ivory fall to the mat and covers her for the 3 count. Praise Allah that that (intended duplication) crap is over.

Pointless! 2/10.

A Kurt Angle Fanatic Series ad.

The Coach interviews Jeff Bagwell (any relation?) and Moises Alou from the Houston Astros. Moises says something unintelligible. His friends back in the Dominican Republic nod in agreement.

Vince, Steph, Trish and a comatose Linda are backstage. Cole barges in. Vince guarantees we will see something "shocking" this evening.

The obligatory Vince/Trish/Linda/Shane video montage.

Street Fight: Vince McMahon vs. Shane McMahon (Mick Foley is the Guest Referee)

Shane is out first. A group of WCW stars (did you notice that Vince on Monday could not bring himself to calling them "Superstars"...) is watching the match from the press box. In attendance are Hugh Morrus, Lance Storm, Chavo Guerrero, Stasiak, Jindrak, Mike Awesome and maybe a few others). Shane intros Mick Foley as the special referee. Vince is out last accompanied by Stephanie. Yummy!

Vince slaps Shane and the MOFO is on! Vince opens up on Shane with some kicks and chokes. Shane comes back with a low blow that Vince completely no sells. Shane with some punches and a clothesline. Shane with the spear! Shane with some elbows to the chest of his father. Steph has seen enough and she is in the ring. She slaps Shane while Vince escapes to the floor. Shane gets out of the face of his sister to baseball slide into Vince's face at ringside. They brawl up the entranceway. Shane grabs a plastic sign and labels Vince 10 times with it in the back. Shane is choking Vince out with a cord. Shane throws daddy into the ring steps. Shane climbs the barricade and nails Vince with a flying clothesline. He follows that up by launching Vince head first into the security barrier. Shane is under the ring now and comes out with a Kendo stick. Shots rain down on the back and gut of Vinnie Mac. Shane now with some fists. Shane-O does the old rope-a-dope routine as he punches. A couple of obviously fake punches cheapen this segment a bit. The match is all Shane so far.

Shane removes the monitors from the Spanish Announce table. A monitor shot to the head of Vince and Shane lays Vince across the table. He then looks up to the corner turnbuckle. YES! Shane in the ring and climbing the ropes. YES! Shane comes flying off with the top rope with the same flying elbow spot he landed on Test on PPV. SMH moves Vince before Shane can hit it. Shane lands hard on the table and takes it out. Nice bump young man. A perfect opportunity for Linda to be wheeled out to ringside. Vince gets in Linda's comatose face and looks for some lovin' from Trish. As expected, Trish slaps him in the face! SMH doesn't take too kindly to that and the catfight is on! The girls roll into the ring and Foley attempts to pull them apart. Steph slaps Foley and then hauls ass out of the ring before the Hardcore Icon can react. Steph chases Trish to the back.

Back to ringside where Vince is screaming at Linda in her wheelchair. Foley is back and telling Vince not to lay a hand on her. Vince responds with a series of chairshots to Foley's head. Vince rolls Linda into the ring and sets up a chair for her in the corner. He sits her in the chair before rolling a battered Shane McMahon back into the ring. Vince goes looking for the plunder and throws 4 garbage cans into the ring. He wants Linda to get a good look at the destruction he is about to inflict on their son. Vince proceeds to destroy Shane with garbage can shots. When he raises the 3rd can over his head...Linda gets out of her chair. Vince turns around to see his wife standing before him. Linda kicks him full force right in the Johnson. Foley is now in the ring and he opens up on Vince. Foley destroys Vince with a Ho Train in the corner. Shane is now up. He grabs a garbage can and places it in front of a Vince in the corner. He's not going to....he can' way!. He doesn't have the leg strength. He's climbing the ropes on the other side of the ring. Shane can't pull this off. Really. BOOYAA! Shane with the Van Terminator dropkick across the ring and into the garbage can!!! Jesus Christ!!! Shane McMahon just punked out Rob Van Dam at Wrestlemania! The pin is academic at this point. Shane covers and gets the pinfall.

That was sweet. Call it a 9/10 for the bumping stylings of Mr. Shane McMahon.

Video of the Hardys signing autographs at Axxess.

HHH is getting ready in his locker room.

Taker is warming up in the bowels of the building.

The ring crew is setting up the hardware for the next match...

TLC II for the Tag Titles: Edge/Christian vs. Hardys vs. Dudleys

I am not even going to attempt to call all the action in this match. Let's hit the highspots.

Its starts off in a 6-man brawl. The Hardys get taken out by a ladder clothesline courtesy of E&C. E&C with a double drop toehold of Jeff into a chair. Edge clotheslines Matt off a ladder. Jeff dropkicks Edge off a ladder. Matt and Jeff baseball slide a ladder into the head of D'Von. The Duds hit a wassup on Edge before bringing the first tables of the evening into the ring. Buh Buh powerbombs Jeff into Edge who is lying on a table. Ouch! Jeff cracks his head pretty good. The Duds to the floor set up 4 tables (2x2 stacked formation). We will see those later.

Three ladders in the center of the ring and all 6 men are climbing. All 6 men fall off in various directions. Christian falls directly to the floor in a nasty looking bump. Here comes Spike Dudley! Spike with an Acid drop on Edge by using the ladder. Spike now with an Acid drop on Christian that sees Spike run up the corner turnbuckle and bulldog him through a table on the outside of the ring!! BOOYAA! Rhino is now in and cleaning house. He gores Matt through a table in the corner. Lita runs in from the back and pulls Edge off the ladder. Rhino presses Lita high in the air but Spike low blows him from behind. Lita goes up top and hits a beautiful Rana on Rhino. Lita thanks Spike for his help by laying him out with a chairshot to the head. Lita gets a 3D from the Dudley Boys. E&C are back in and they give the Duds some CONCHAIRTO action. Jeff erects the huge 20-foot ladder at ringside. Don't do it Jeff! Jeff ascends the monster ladder. SENTON BOMB lands on Rhino and Spike who are draped across 2 tables at ringside!! Sick looking spot in which only one table breaks. Jeff Hardy is the shit. Rob who?

Edge brings the monster ladder into the ring. D'Von and Christian climb it. Matt is in to push the ladder away. Both men are hanging in the air. Christian kicks D'Von off before falling himself. There are 3 ladders erected in the ring. Jeff is back up and he tries to pond walk the tops of the ladders. This kid is sick. He loses his balance and falls off. Nice effort though. He picks himself up and climbs the ladder again. Christian pushes his ladder and Jeff is hanging from the belts. Edge ascends the monster ladder and SPEARS JEFF HARDY IN MID AIR!! The monster ladder is brought to the center of the ring. Matt and Buh Buh start the climb. Rhino is in and he pushes the ladder down. Matt and Buh Buh go flying over the top rope and DESTROY the 4 tables set up previously at ringside. DESTROY isn't the appropriate word. They OBLITERATE the tables.

Back in the ring...D'Von starts to climb the ladder. Edge follows him on the same side while Christian climbs the opposite side. Rhino gets in under Christian and pushes him up towards the belts. Christian grabs the belts. Edge and Christian are your new Tag Team Champions.

DAMN! That was fun. 10/10 and a definite match of the year candidate.

We go to video from WWF Axxess while they cart the bodies from the ringside area.

Backlash ad.

The Fink gets on the stick and lets us know that an attendance record has been set for the Astrodome: 67,925. Maybe slightly inflated but not by much.

Gimmick Battle Royal

Ugh! For some reason I was looking forward to this match. Blame it on some bad tacos. I cannot in good conscience recap this match. The intros took longer than the match itself. Of course, it didn't help that the Iron Sheik took about 5 minutes to hobble down to the ring. He was lapped by a 350-pound Earthquake for chrissakes. The GF pipes up that it must be his pointy shoes that are restricting his mobility in walking to the ring. Imagine if she were blond?

Anyways...Okerlund and Heenan called this match. The Gooker was eliminated first. So much for my theories and predictions. The Sheik and his Terry Funk knees tossed out Hillybilly Jim to win the match. Mr. Big Chin re-entered the ring to lock in the cobra clutch on the Sheik. Sore loser.

0/10. This served no purpose. I think the only reason the Sheik won the match is because him taking a fall to the floor would have meant instant compound fracture.

HHH/Taker video recap.

I gotta get moving here. I am already on page 7 here and I have to get through HHH/Taker and the 40-minute Austin/Rock match...

Triple H vs. The Undertaker

Motorhead is in the house playing HHH to the ring. I think those growths on Lemmy's face have gotten bigger. The GF wants to know why he hasn't had those removed. I tell her that Lemmy just wouldn't be Lemmy without the face. This doesn't appease her.

We brawl on the outside to start. They take out the replacement Spanish Announce table inside of 30 seconds. Back in the ring and we brawl some more. HHH with a running knee lift. Taker with some right hands in the corner. Taker with a back body drop. He follows it up with a clothesline and a powerslam. Taker misses an elbow drop and HHH responds with a series of right hands. The UT with a flying forearm before going up top for some OLD SCHOOL. HHH throws him off the top rope before he can hit it.

Hunter hits a neckbreaker and gets 2. HHH with an elbow to the back of Taker's head. A couple of elbows to the throat of Taker. HHH is back in to hit a swinging neck breaker. He gets a series of 2 counts before blaming the ref. Hunter pushes the ref and the ref pushes back. UT is back up with some punches but Hunter puts him back down a facebuster. HHH to the floor. He tosses the timekeeper into the crowd and retrieves the sledgehammer. Before hunter can use it, Kiota pulls it away. Hunter is not pleased. He goes for the pedigree but Taker powers out and catapults Hunter into the ref. The ref is laid out. Taker with a chokeslam and he gets a 2 count. The Taker is not pleased with the ref either so he drops an elbow on Kiota. Taker throws HHH into the corner and Hunter does his best Ric Flair flip to the floor. HHH is backdropped into the crowd.

They fight towards the production area. HHH assaults Taker with a series of chairshots. Taker responds by chokeslamming HHH off the scaffolding and to the arena floor. Well...4 feet to some padding. Taker comes flying off (4 feet) the scaffolding with a flying elbow. Taker brings HHH back to the ring and hiplocks him over the barricade.

Back in the ring and Taker goes for the sledgehammer. Hunter kicks him in the sweet spot and retrieves the hammer. HHH goes to hit him with the SH but Taker hits him with a big boot. They exchange right hands and Hunter goes for the tombstone. Taker reverses and plants HHH with a tombstone. It's been awhile since we saw that. No ref though. Taker gets HHH up for the last ride but HHH grabs the SH on the way up. Before Taker can plant him with the LR, HHH hits him with the SH. Hunter covers but the Taker kicks at 2! Taker is busted wide open. Hunter is back up and feeding right hands into Taker's face in the corner. HHH mounts the corner to inflict some more damage. Taker hoists up him and hits the Last Ride coming out of the corner of the ring. 1, 2, 3!!! HHH jobs on PPV! I thought I had seen everything.

The recap didn't do it justice. Great match. 9 of 10. Taker extends his Wrestlemania record to a perfect 9 and 0.

WWF the Music Volume 5 ad.

Coach interviews some fan that won some contest. Perfect opportunity to take a leak.

WWF Championship: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock

As I return, the Fink announces a no DQ stip. Austin is out first. Looks like he cut his head shaving. Rocky is out second. We brawl to start. I would have it no other way.

Austin attempts a belt shot but Rocky ducks. Austin on fire with a Lou Thesz press, some fists and some elbows. Rock counters and takes down Austin. Austin wiggles out of a Rock Bottom attempt. Austin tries a stunner but Rock powers out. Austin throws Rocky to the floor. Into the crowd they go brawling. Rocky tosses Austin back to the ringside area. Austin is thrown face first into the Announce Table. Austin responds with a short arm clothesline. Back in the ring and Austin is kicking him in the back of the head. Austin follows with a splash to the back of Rock. Austin covers for 2 . Austin with a superplex (we've seen quite a few of these tonight) and another 2 count. Austin unhooks the top turnbuckle. Rocky is back with some fists. Rock with a flying clothesline and a Greco Roman throw. Rocky gets 2. Both men back up and Rocky clotheslines Austin over the top rope.

Austin face first into the announce table. Austin face first into the ring bell. Another for good measure. Austin nails Rocky with the ring bell. Rocky blades. Rocky is strewn across the announce table. As he shifts his weight the announce table gives way. Austin with right hands. He throws Rocky back in the ring and more rights follow. They exchange some more punches. A complete Pier 6 Brawl!!! Austin hits a swinging neck breaker and gets 2. Heyman starts up with the "One Second AWAY" crap. Austin again with the beatdown of Rocky. Fists! Stomps!

Rocky explodes out of the corner with a clothesline. Some audible boos rain down. People are booing Rocky. Rocky with a series of right hands. Rocky flips off Austin. Rock throws Austin into the exposed turnbuckle. Austin blades. Rocky retrieves the ring bell and BOOM he clocks Austin with it. Rocky gets a 2 count. Rocky now is just betting the ever-loving piss out of Austin with a series of 3 right hands. Austin goes down but gets right back up. Same sequence again. And again! Rocky goes outside and lays Austin's neck across the apron. Elbows to the throat of Austin. Austin falls outside. Austin comes back with some right hands. He drops Rock neck first across the barricade. Austin catapults Rock headfirst into the ring post. And I mean head first! Austin with a monitor shot to the head of the Rock. Austin throws Rocky back in the ring. He gets a 2 count. Austin flips him off with a "here's 2 ya" double bird. Rock blocks the stunner and rolls Austin into a Sharpshooter. Shades of Austin/Bret Hart at WM 13 as Austin screams in agony while blood pumps from his head. Austin goes for the ropes but Rock drags him back to the center of the ring. Austin finally gets to the ropes and the hold is broken. Why? Isn't this a no DQ match? Austin is backup and Rocky goes for the Sharpshooter again. Austin powers out and locks in the Sharpshooter himself. Rocky is able to power out.

Austin goes to work on Rocky's knee. Austin with a stomp to the Rock's sternum before he locks in the sharpshooter again. Rocky gets to the ropes to break the hold. Austin refuses to break the hold though. He flips off Hebner and finally releases the hold. Austin with a kick to Rock's face before locking in the Million-Dollar Dream. Why they pulled this reference out of the closet is beyond me. It's a sleeper hold. They rest for a couple of minutes before Rocky runs up the turnbuckles and falls backwards onto Austin. Austin is forced to break the hold lest he be pinned. Austin is up. Right hands to Rocky's face. Irish whip is reversed by Rocky. KICK WHAM STUNNER by Rocky on Austin. Austin kicks out at 2. Vince is coming to ringside. Business is about to pick up!!

Rock with some right hands. Austin counters with a spinebuster and gets 2. Rocky hits a spinebuster of his own followed by the people's elbow. Rock goes for the cover and...VINCE PULLS ROCK OFF AUSTIN AT 2. Huh? Rocky chases Vince around the ring. Vince escapes by climbing into the ring where a following Rock is caught by a Rock Bottom from Austin. That gets a 2 count. JR is screaming "BY GOD! BY GOD!!". Austin attempts a stunner but Rocky powers out, knocking out Hebner. Austin follows with a low blow before calling Vince McMahon to bring a chair into the ring. Huh? Austin holds Rock while Vince blasts him with it. Everyone was expecting Rocky to duck. He didn't. BY GOD!! BY GOD!! Vince tries to revive Hebner. Hebner counts and Rocky kicks at 2. Vince hands Austin a chair. Austin raises it to clobber Rocky but Rock rock bottoms Austin before he can. Vince is up on the apron and Rocky slingshots him into the ring. Rock lays the beat down on Vince. Rocky turns around and KICK WHAM STUNNER by Austin. Rocky kicks out at 2. Austin with a chairshot but Rocky kicks out again. Austin with multiple chairshots to the prone body of the Rock. Austin is just destroying him. Austin with the cover. 1, 2, 3 and GOD ALMIGHTY we have a new WWF champion. The crowd doesn't know how to react. Correction. They pop huge but they shouldn't be cheering. Houston we have a problem.

Post-match and Austin shakes Vince's hand. Austin flips off the crowd. Heyman: "Austin has sold his soul for the WWF Title!". Ross: "BY GOD! BY GOD! Austin has sold his soul to the devil himself. WHY STEVE? WHY? TELL ME WHY BY GOD!!" Austin and Vince drink some beers. Austin goes to the corner and flips of the fans while hoisting his belt. Rocky attempts to get up but Austin lays him out with a belt shot.

Great match! 10/10. Don't know who gets match of the night. This match and TLC II were equally special. The Austin heel turn was most unexpected. But gauging by the fan reaction, Austin better cut one hell of a promo on Raw to sell this heel turn to the masses. The fans were just begging for a Rocky heel turn. Should be interesting.

A great PPV. Austin/Rock and TLC II were the best matches on the card. The heel turn was a foregone conclusion but few predicted that it would be Austin making the turn. The boys in the TLC II match again took the TLC gimmick to a new level. Taker/HHH and the Street Fight were not far behind in terms of entertainment value. Shane again bumps like a madman. Jericho and Regal was a bit of a disappointment. The Tazz/APA match and Test vs. Guerrero were surprisingly entertaining. Benoit and Angle were solid as expected. And the Chyna/Ivory and Gimmick Battle Royal were crap but that was somewhat expected.

Thumbs way up for me. Call Wrestlemania 17 a 9 out of 10. We are only 3 cards into 2001 but this one may hold up as PPV of the year.

Time for some sleep. Only a few hours until Raw.

Scott Lumpy Williams
Feature Editor,

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