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/28 October 2000

WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




WWF open, TV 14 LDV really small in the corner. Intros, which go something like this, with the camera cuts working in unison with the music :

Jakked screen (the normal background with the sound wave moving around and no "Jakked"), Gangrel on the fire circled elevator, Jakked logo, somewhat bloody Big Show, Jakked screen, Kurt Angle posing on the second turnbuckle, Edge, Jakked logo, Trish (w/T&A cut out of the picture, except an arm or two), Jakked logo, Triple H spitting water, Rikishi dancing, Big Show chokeslamming Undertaker through the the ring, Jakked screen, Rocky (an older pic, with Corporation's video behind him, perhaps?), D'Lo doing the Lo Down, a color inverted Jakked logo, Steph holding up the Women's Title, inverted logo again, an old shot of Chyna, Bradshaw dropping Jeff Hardy on his head, Jakked screen, Shane McMahon celebrating about something (Joey Abs is seen on the mat on the TitanTron behind Shane, a moving Jakked logo, Al Snow powerbombing Hardcore Holly through a table (from a PPV), Kane does the "arms go down, fireworks go up" thing, Terri bending over the top rope, Jakked logo, Rock hitting the elbow of People's Elbow on Triple H, Jakked moving backwards logo, Jeff Hardy with a Swanton Bomb, (red - I'm not going back and doing the other ones) Jakked Logo, Chris Jericho, Test with that powerbomb variant he does on Joey Abs, part of a Jakked screen, Tazz, (yellow to purple to yellow ) Jakked logo, Road Dogg doing his water spit (on Smackdown or in front of a blue screen), Big Show with a second rope elbow drop on Undertaker, (red) Jakked logo, Kane (with fireworks going off), X-Pac and Road Dogg coming to the ring, (red) Jakked logo, X-Pac (in the red outfit, with X fireworks going off), (purple) Jakked logo, Edge getting a Rock Bottom, (red) Jakked logo, Chyna with a chair shot on Road Dogg, forward moving Jakked logo, a single frame of Undertaker chokeslamming Big Show, Chris Benoit with a Swandive Headbutt, another frame of Undertaker chokeslamming Big Show (both shots undetectable on normal speed), Ivory in the ring (as Chyna's lights come on?), (white) Jakked logo, X-Pac (in the red outfit) with a turning cross body off the second rope onto Hardcore Holly, closeups of parts of the Jakked logo, Christian coming off the top rope to the outside on Matt Hardy, Kane off the top to the outside, hitting Show and Taker (I think), (purple to green) Jakked logo, Edge coming off the second rope with a spear on Jeff Hardy at a King of the Ring, green Jakked screen, Austin celebrating on the second turnbuckle with beer, (purple to green to red for a frame) Jakked logo, Austin celebrates with the beer some more, (many different colors) Jakked logo, dissolve to the arena.

What does that tells you? You're watching jakked. Most of the footage was spliced together from stuff around King of The Ring and Fully Loaded '99. Someone was told to insert Benoit into the open, but didn't do it perfectly. And there sure is a lot of Big Show to go around there.  I guess that's the general problem.

The Dudley Boys vs Essa Rios/Funaki - Your announcers are - silent? We don't hear a peep out of them for the whole match, and I'm not going to complain. Essa and Funaki come out to Essa's music - funny to watch them both go on with their normal routines (Funaki waving the flag like he's about to clock someone with it, Essa sliding almost out of the ring), ignoring the presence of the other. Funaki and D-Von will start. Circle. Circle. Lockup, no, D-Von with kick, punch, punch, punch, punch, back elbow misses. "We want tables" chant starts :15 in. Funaki's kick sounds stiffer with no announcers to over shadow it, punch, punch, whip, reversed, duck under clothesline, diving shoulderblock by D-Von. Tag to Bubba Ray. Bubba with a punch, shot to the turnbuckle. "Aaaaah!" Open hand slap. Bubba mocks a bow, and hits a punch. "Look, Godzilla!" There's another right. Whip, Funaki with a headscissors, tag to Essa. Essa to the top, cross body gets 2. Essa runs at Bubba with a shoulderblock, but gets pushed down. Maybe that was a back elbow. Punch. They call spots. Punch in the corner, body slam. Bubba to the second rope, Funaki over: "You can't do that!" Funaki ends up drawing the ref and Bubba's attention, allowing Essa to crotch Bubba and join him up top for a 'rana. Essa covers, 2 count. Essa with punches, Funaki holds him, dropkick hits Funaki, who falls all the way to the railing. The ref's distracted, Wazzup time. Funaki in, ref watches Essa while we get another headbutt to the groin. War dance by D-Von. "D-Von (stomp) Get the Tables!" D-von pulls up the apron up, but gets knocked down by an Essa Rios running summersault tope. Funaki dropkicks Bubba out of the ring, and the LHs double team stomp on D-Von. Double whip, double back elbow, "We want tables", Funaki covers for 2. Punch, punch, Chris Jericho on Heat graphic appears, cross whip by Funaki, charge in meets elbow. D-Von to the second rope, sunset flip gets 2 . Clothesline misses, right the reverse brain buster. Time for the hot tag to Bubba and Essa. Essa' clothesline misses, whip, Essa over on and on his feet, but down by a clothesline. Bubba with another whip, Essa jumps over the backdrop attempt, but gets taken down by a monkey flip. Do you get the message? Bubba with a sidewalk slam, cover, 2 count. "D-Von, get up there!" Tag, and D-Von does go to the top rope - Dudley Death Device connects, and Funaki has to break up the pin. Funaki charges at Bubba, and gets thrown out of the ring. The fans can see the 3D coming, and it does. (4:59) No table? Cool.

Your announcers are Jonathon Coachman, Michael Hayes and a Backlund for Congress sign in the crowd right behind them. We can hear the announcers now because this bit is always taped at the arena, while the match stuff is voice over later, I think. They talk about Steve Austin at No Mercy.

"As we mentioned early" Chris Jericho will be on Heat, as well as Fozzy. Guess they remembered to do the Heat ad.

Still to come, Bra and Panties on Raw, plus more XFL cheerleader tryouts, but next, Rikishi provokes Austin one more time.

RAW is on TNN plug.

Stills from No Mercy lead into footage from this week's Smackdown about the Rikishi/Austin saga. They'll be a cage match on Monday. The announcers (both the Smackdown crew and the Jakked ones) disappear again.

Coming up next on Jakked, it's Trish and Lita and Bra and Panties, plus Steve Blackman versus Gangrel, but next, XFL Cheerleaders.

Jerry Lawler/XFL Cheerleader promo

Gangrel vs Steve Blackman for the Hardcore Title - Champion comes out second because no one pays attention to Jakked. Announcers (who can be heard this segment) with a generic XFL promotion. Hayes: "Season ticket sales are flying out the window. "Circle, Gangrel with a kick, punches back and forth till Gangrel is whipped chest first into the turnbuckle and dropkicked. He rolls out, not a good move. Chop, Whip into the barricade. Stomp, whip, reversed into the barricade, Gangrel with a slam on the rebound. Gangrel goes for the garbage can lids. There's a shot for Blackman. Kick, whip, lid shot misses, Blackman's kick misses, Gangrel's can lid doesn't miss twice. Cover, two. Whip, reversed into a belly to belly suplex. Blackman grabs a lid, whip, shot to the knee, shot to the back. Blackman crotches Gangrel on the top rope, and there's a shot to the back of the head to knock him off. Blackman with a bulldog onto the lid, but a two count. Both roll out for weapons. Blackman has traffic signs, but Gangrel uses his fire extinguisher first. Now Gangrel tries to handicap Blackman with a handicap parking sign, but Blackman pulls him down with an arm drag, and a shot to the head with the handicap sign. Cover, 2 count, and Gangrel knocks Blackman off top of him with a No Parking sign. Cover, 2. Announcers are talking about Rikishi's mystery friend. Stomp, Gangrel rolls out - trash can. Back in, and the can's wedged in between the second and third ropes, corner whip, reversed, Gangrel falls out into a a thrust kick. Blackman out...he's got his bag of sticks. He gets the two small ones. "It's party time." Gangrel charges, and that works as well as you'd expect. Stick assisted crotch suplex for 2. Blackman argues count, and gets a low blow. Coachman complains about the low blow, despite this being a Hardcore match. Gangrel with the Impaler! I think you'd know by now if a title changed hands on this show, so yea, Blackman escapes with a lid shot while Gangrel is covering. Blackman to the second rope (or top, if you're Hayes), Kendo stick broke upon Gangrel's head. That's good for 3. (4:40)

WWF Vote ad.

The aforementioned Bra and Panties match from Raw airs here. Ivory's speech is not shown.

Crash in in the house, but next Al Snow and Head face the big mouth Just Joe

Just Joe (already on his way to the ring) vs Al Snow (w/Head)- The local station might have cut something off there, like the beginning of Joe's entrance. The announcers talk about Yokozuna. Heat hype. Lockup, Snow takes Joe down to the mat but Joe reverses, now Snow with a wristlock into a headlock, of the ropes, shoulderblock, off the ropes, hiptoss blocked, Snow with a hiptoss. Joe off the ropes, armdrag into an armbar. Joe backs Snow into a corner and lays in punches. Snow reverses and gets in far more. Snow with a corner whip, reversed, and Snow falls down. "Who's Al now?" Joe tries for a slam, Al falls behind and tries for a slam, Joe falls behind and grabs in a reverse facelock, but just kicks Snow in the back. Off the ropes, boot to the head. "Who's Al now?" Cover, 1 count. Only Joe gets 1 counts. Whip, Al slides under Joe's legs, punch blocked, Joe with a punch, Joe with a kick, Al catches it, dragon screw leg whip, side kick, punch, punch, whip, backdrop. Al with a clothesline, body slam, Al calls for a moonsault? And it hits! Announcers talk about how great the WWF fans are. Al doesn't cover, and goes for Head instead. Joe attacks from behind, bodyslam. "I don't think so Al!" Odd. Joe goes up top, and gets a shot to the face - beal. Al points towards head. The fans seem into it, so Al picks him up and hits Joe just after Joe pushes the ref out of view. 3 count. (3:46) Hey, look, Joe lost.  Moving on...

WWF "Can you take the heat?" ad.

Crash vs Loki - Loki oddly gets second entrance, since he should just be here in a "local jobber" capacity. He's looks like smaller version of the wrestler once known as (who has a real name I'm too tired to spell) Hakushi, without all the tattoos. Oops, there's one on his shoulder. Circle, lockup, Crash with a waistlock to take him to the mat. Announcers speculate that Loki's a new addition to the roster, but I think it was just a weird entrance sequence. Mat wrestling reversals as they figure out what they're doing. Crash off the ropes, ducks a kick, whip, leapfrog, Loki with a dropkick to the knee and a big kick to the chest. Here's another. And a MASSIVE kick to the head. Cover, 2 count. Loki with a punch, corner whip, handspring jumping kick to the midsection. Choke in the corner, Crash reverses and lays in punches. Loki with an eye poke to stop that, and a snap mare takedown. Chin lock. Long one. Crash elbows out, eye poke, off the ropes, ducks a clothesline, double clothesline. Both get up at 5. I block yours, you don't block mine, and here are some more. Whip, back elbow for rash,. Whip, dropkick. Slam, celebrating, kick, corner whip, Loki jumps walks to the top rope, suckers Crash in, back flips out, Crash runs into a a backbreaker. Top rope, moonsault looks great, hits nothing. Crash up, and there's an Acid Drop (3:26) and I'll think off a different name if we see that again. If they were ever to do this LH thing for real, Loki wouldn't be a bad guy to have around. 

XFL cheerleader ad.

Rikishi/Austin in a cage on RAW, Jericho, Fozzy, Eddie Guerrero, Hardy Boys/Lita vs T&A&Trish on HeAT. That's it for this week.

The Cubs Fan
DDT Digest

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