WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan
Jakked screen (the normal background with the sound wave moving around
and no "Jakked")
Those changes were done on last week's show too - they sure don't waste any time.
Crash (w/Molly Holly, w/o a last name) vs TAKA Michinoku (w/Funaki, the flags, and the mystery voice) - Hayes: "TAKA is so articulate these days." "Ah, Crash Holly, so we meet again - only this time, one on one. The advantage shall be mine!" "Indeed!" TAKA rushes the ring...to wave his flag. New tights again? Don't remember the last ones? Mat exchanges end with Crash getting a rollup for 2. Headlock by Crash, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, off the ropes, under the leapfrog, block the hiptoss, here's one of my own, dropkick TAKA out. TAKA steps back in. Kick by TAKA, right, right. Whip, Crash falls behind dropkick, pick up, 3 full spins and a slam. Crash off the ropes, Funaki grabs the leg, Crash argues with him, but ol' palm strike to Crash. And another. And a third. Snap mare, kick to the back. Clapping. Stomp to the chest. Crash sits up, and gets a kick to the head. Right, right, reversed and crash is fist o' fury. Corner whip, reversed, Crash kips up and TAKA just drops him to the mat. Cover, TAKA goes for a German suplex, blocked, blocked again and crash rolls him up for 2. Up, and a big spin kick from TAKA. One foot cover! Gets 2. Chin lock. Whip, reversed, TAKA holds on to the ropes as Crash goes for a dropkick, dropkick to the head by TAKA. Body slam by TAKA, it's over motion, going up top, and dropkicked. Clothesline, and another. Whip, jumping back elbow. Funaki on the apron, Crash thinks about punching him, but Molly pulls him off. TAKA with a right, checks on Funaki, turns around, clotheslined. Really weird roll up by Crash (Crash cross TAKA's arms, slides underneath, and bridges) to get the 3. (4:33) TAKA argues the count, then gets the mic. "By the power of Thor, I will have my revenge, Crash Holly!" "Indeed!"
Your hosts are Michael Hayes (getting down to TAKA's music) and Jonathon Coachman (wanting to talk about the Rumble.)
Still to come, the tribute you saw on Heat to Mick Foley. But next, the doctor's word is in by Chyna.
1-800-Collect brings you the Royale Rumble, and a number of stupid commercial.
Val Venis and Ivory broke Chyna's neck, and it's very sad. Really. Let's hear Chyna and Jim Ross talk. Call me crazy, but I bet she actually comes back to wrestle, despite the overwhelming odds. The interesting part will be if they get us to care. Actually, I don't care about y'all, I'd just hope that they make me care. Here's the RTC version too. I like Ivory's choice in lipstick colors. (5:31)
Coming up, Mick Foley tribute but next, Lo Down.
1-800-Collect Slam of the Week is Rikishi returning on RAW to take out Undertaker and the Rock.
Lo Down (w/Tiger Ali Sing and a delayed entrance) vs Jason Lee (already in the ring) and Chris Michaels (already in the ring) - Tiger not only missed his cue to come out, he also talks FOREVER: "When all of you look at us, we know what you see. But fortunately, let me tell you what you don't see. Due to your evil, inbred minds, and I do mean inbred, what you fail to realize is that we are well conditioned superior athletes. Now let me tell you what you do see when you see look at us. You probably think of gas station attendants, 7-11 employees, and best of all, let's not forget, taxi cab drivers. But, what all you fail to realize, due to your stereotypical ignorance, is that we we own all these businesses as well, that you gladly frequent and spend your hard earned money at, much like you're spending your money here to see all of us. So in closing, what I would like to thank you all so much for your continued support and your continued patronage. Now I want you to give us silence as we pay respect." Lo Down jump the jobbers, with D'Lo dumping Michaels and heading out of the ring. Chaz and Jason are left, with Chaz punching him down in the corner, whip, powerslam. Corner whip, Lee with the turning second rope springboard cross body for 1. Kick, punch, punch, punch, whip, reversed, blind tag to D'Lo, double flapjack. Let's pray. Oops, tag to Michaels, who comes flying in with a dropkick for Chaz, and punches for D'Lo. Corner whip, reverse, charges in to a boot, Michaels charges out to a spinebuster. D'Lo to the apron. D'Lo prays. D'Lo misses the moonsault. Tag to Chaz, tag to Lee. Chaz's clothesline misses, off the ropes, flying forearm. Dropkick for D'Lo. Kick, Michaels over, double front suplex for 2. Everyone in, beat down by the non-Lo Down in the corners, double corner whip, reversed and the jobbers bounce into each other, Ski Hi by D'Lo, atomic drop and clothesline by Chaz, off the ropes, Hayes calls it a double hiptoss into a double powerbomb. Chaz covers, 3. (2:37) Hey, here's one for Michaels too.
Coming up, K-Kwik may or may not get rowdy, but next, the Foley tribute video.
Here's that video, looking back at his Commissioner stint. I bet he comes back TOO. I'm betting I care more than the other thing. You'd think they could find a happier note to end out in then him getting fired and left bloodied in the ring, but I guess that's not the point. (3:04)
Coming up later, Terri (w/Perry Saturn), but next, K-Kwik
Lugz peace and Joy of the Week is Steve Blackman retaining his Hardcore Title, then getting beat by Raven.
K-Kwik vs Slash (w/o hubcap, already in the ring) - It's now K-Kwik and Chattanooga that are getting rowdy. K-Kwik is the top dawg. There's no Dogg in the entrance video, at least that which we see. You may know Slash as Wolfie D of PG-13. (Although, looking at him, you would think I made that up. And maybe I did.) Slash attacks before the bell, unsuccessful into Kwik charges into a boot. But then he's back on top with a 'rana, punch, punch, Flatliner. Big side kick misses, punches low connects, there's a side kick, there's a jumping kick to the midsection for 2. Whip, head down too soon, gut wrench, into a crucifix airplane spin, I guess. Kwik dropped to the mat. Pushing Kwik into the corner, right, right, right, slap, Kwik with a couple punches but Slash with a an eye poke, kicks him down, stomps him into the mat. Corner whip, K-Kwik falls down. Snap suplex. Going to the apron, looking at the crowd, going to the top - dropkicked to the floor by Kwik. Off the ropes, over the top rope plancha! Corner whip, reversed, K-Kwik kips up and then a whole bunch of flips, kick to the gut, Falcon Arrow, and that's it? (2:49) Probably would have been more impressive if the announcers weren't as surprised as I was. Also, Hardcore's gonna be ticked.
"Break Down the Walls" is available now.
This week's Royal Rumble is Vince McMahon eliminating Steve Austin from the '98 Rumble to win. Vince drinks a beer to celebrate
Which leads into Austin, Steph, and two beers this week on Smackdown. (5:27)
Perry Saturn (w/Terri) vs Derrick King (already in the ring) - Circle. Lockup, hammerlock by Saturn, reversal, takedown by Saturn into an armbar, King kips up, armdrags out. Lockup, armbar, headlock by Saturn. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over the the drop down, under the leapfrog, right into the Derrick dropkick. Derrick's clothesline is missed, Saturn picks him up and rams him into the corner. Shoulder to the gut, and again. Throwing him shoulder first into the post. Picking him up - we'll call that a hammerlock belly to belly suplex. And then - that's a step over armbar with neck submission. Someone woke up Saturn this week. Punches by Derrick king after Saturn lets go, but a big boot to the head. Grabbing him from behind - belly to back hammerlock suplex. He's working the arm! The left one, yep. Now putting King in an armbar, and shots to the right shoulder. Now a shoulder arm breaker, right into a cross arm breaker on the right arm. While Derrick's struggling in pain, Saturn waves to Terri, who waves back. Saturn lets go, drops a leg on the arm, and hooks it back on. Letting go and picking him up again, and a slam. Signaling to Terri - moonsault misses. Coach with local drop in to hype the XFL Enforcers - tickets go on sale next Saturday. Derrick King blocks a punch and hits one of his own. And another, and another, whip, reversed, flying headscissors, jumping clothesline. Whip, head down too soon, and Saturn just grabs him and throws him from the ring. Terri likes it. Saturn to the outside, running him back first into the steps. Throwing him back in, going for a chair. The ref and Saturn argue - holy crap, is that Mideon at the time keepers position? Gotta do something to get paid, I guess. You all think I'm just making up all the stuff in this match now, dontcha? Oh well. Terri to top rope? Flying cross body connects! Now I don't believe it either. Terri celebrates. Kiss for Saturn. Derrick kisses Saturn's boot. There's the signal - Death Valley Driver! That's it (4:25) Hey, let the man do his finisher, and he (and his manager) get all sorts of motivated.
Tomorrow night, 2000 Exposed. Monday night, will Vince be back on RAW? See you next week.The Cubs Fan
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