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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Billy Gunn vs David Young - Michael Hayes sounds a lot like Kevin Kelly this week. That, and the announcers sound really quiet - a graphics is up to tell us about Heat, which is good because I don't have to worry about what they're saying. I hear David Young has a bad attitude. Lockup, armbar, reversed, reversed, wring by Billy, twist, Young pushes him in the corner. Knee to the gut, right, right, corner whip, rebounds out into an arm drag into an armbar. Working that arm. Yep. Still working it. Here's a whip, clothesline, misses, arm drag into an armbar. You know, you could say this is psychology to make sure Young can't get out of the sleeper slam, but I'm thinking Billy really don't want to be here. Here's a headlock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, hiptoss blocked, Billy's isn't. Dropkick Young out. Shot in the railing. They're talking about the XFL and pretending the game's already over. Eye rake by Young, right, right, right, slam. Signaling - going to the second rope - moonsault misses. Billy with a clothesline. And Another. Kick to the gut - jackhammer. Billy's signaling - sleeper slam. (3:26) The announcers tell me that move is "The One and Only" and I tell Billy Gunn to get the heck off my TV if he's gonna mail in things on this show. Meanwhile, NWA World Tag Team champ one day, loser in the opener of Jakked the next. 

XFL clips, same ones as from RAW.

Coming up, Undertaker and Kane have the tag team titles in their sites, and K-Kwik is in the house, but next, Steve Austin and Triple H have issues.

Steve Austin and Triple H have issues. Still. Always. Forever. Anyway, tag match on RAW. Amazingly, we cut out almost every bit of talking (as Kelly explains it to us) in order to see more of the match. Austin ruled the world and everything in it, during this match. Kelly narrates us to Smackdown. We get Vince and Steve and Trish picking names, Billy and Triple H talking, and the Triple H/Jericho match. (11:28) This leads to Rock and Rikishi, with mixed alliances, on Raw.

Albert is coming up, as are the issues surrounding the tag team titles, but next, K-Kwik is in the house.

K-Kwik vs Rick Michaels  - They talk about the Enforcers game, which is just going into overtime as this K-Kwik comes to the ring and causes me to stop the rest recap till this is done. (That was so pass interference but both teams played strong in the end so it's just way it is) I've been told that Rick has a similar bad attitude problem. Lockup, headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Michaels. Off the ropes, over Kwik, under Kwik, right into Kwik's hiptoss. Armdrag by Kwik, and another. Superkick knocks Michaels out of the ring. Michaels hangs around out side the ring as Kwik dances - over the top rope no hands plancha! That looked rather good. Thrown in, cover by 2. Whip, clothesline misses, reverse neckbreaker by Michaels for 2. Picking up Kwik - right hand thrown, and Rick hit him so hard, his hand hurts. Too bad the camera switched to the shot showing the space in between the punch and the head at the wrong time - you could see the air. Right, Kwik fights back with four rights, whip, Kwik tries a leapfrog but gets caught - fireman's carry into a slam. Kwik kicks out at 2. Pick up, Kwik with punches by an eye poke puts a stop to that - whip, reversed, big backdrop. Snap suplex, cover, 2 count. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, kick to the head by Kwik, side kick connects. Kevin Kelly: "If you're a playa and you play, you're gonna get busted." Both slow up, Rick's punch misses, Kwik's three and a dancing fourth do not. Whip, reversed, headscissors by Kwik. Corner whip, Kwik charge sin with a clothesline, snap mare, cover, 2 count. Pulling Rick up, Falcon Arrow (4:25) Kelly says that's the "Hat Rack Cracked" and I thought I was kidding around about that few weeks ago. 

Still to come, Essa Rios tunes up for his big match, but up next, tag team chaos.

Tag Team Chaos from Smackdown. (1:32) - this sets up a #1 contender's match on RAW

Still to come, Essa gets ready for Kurt, but next, aaaaaaaaaaaaalbert.

Albert vs Onyx - Kevin Kelly (and Tony Chimel, we're told) want to be from the hood, but they will never be from the hood. This the knowledge that only Jakked can provide. Onyx seems to be thinking "My tag team partner and the guy I beat up are Nitro Monday and I'm facing Albert? Maybe I did better." Big biel by Albert to start. Onyx hits rights, but a big headbutt stops that. Right by Albert misses, Onyx with a right, right, right, kick punch, whip, reversed in to a big clothesline.  Pulling him up by the tights, whip into the corner, side backbreaker, hold on for a side slam. Running splash comes up empty. Punch blocked, Onyx with a right, right, right, kick, off the ropes, shoulderblock is no sold, off the ropes, and gets flapjacked. Albert talking trash, picking Onyx up, big shot to the head. Albert Splash in the corner and Onyx goes down hard. Onyx' mouth is busted open - the slingshot into the second ropes. Kelly says his buddies won't recognize him any when he gets down, and that may be true. Onyx gets pulled on the apron, so he stun guns Albert. Cross body from the top rope, but Albert waves him by. Press slam by Albert. Kick to the stomach, corner whip, Albert splash misses, right, right by Onyx, right by Albert is ducked, and a dropkick to the knee. Onyx off the ropes ,tries to slide under Albert - Albert catches him in the double choke - aaaaaaaaaaaaaalbert bomb. (3:58) Onyx is thrown over the top rope for fun. 

Essa Rios vs Kid Romeo (w/o glowsticks)- Yes, WCWSN Kid Romeo. We go back to Smackdown (Clips for a Essa match?) to see how the match for Heat got set up. I believe Essa says, to the offer of money for a replacement T-shirt, something like "What the heck? What kind of crazy person are you? I'm not your friend, man" but I'm only guessing. Reddish purple and black tights this week. Lockup, waistlock, Kid Romeo with a roll up for 2. Essa tires for a leg trip but Kid jumps out of the way - too bad he's point to his head when Essa hits him with a spin kick. Kick, European uppercut (Essa's European?). Pikcing up in the corner, right, right, right,  argue with the ref and Essa tripped into the corner. Chop, chop, right, elbow, Romeo celebrates and Essa turns it around, right, right, double chop, whip, reversed into a high knee. Monkey flip but Essa lands on his feet, Essa charges and gets drop toe hold, sliding all the way to the floor. Romeo follows out with a baseball slide dropkick but Essa ducks him and hits a superkick. Thrown in, cover 2. Chin lock. (Chin lock?) Romeo out with a jawbreaker. Whip, headscissors is reversed into a face first powerbomb. Choke on the mat, then a one knee cover for 2. Whip, reversed, battle of reversal in air end with Romeo hitting a bulldog. Celebration, cover, 2 count. Kick to the back, kick to the back, going to the top, but Essa crotches him, Essa with an Iconclasm! Essa saying that's it - moonsault. (3:57) Will he be able to hit it on Kurt Sunday?

Live on Heat, Edge and Christian - and Kurt Angle vs Essa Rios (that big font because it truly is the biggest match on Heat ever) in a non title match. Undertaker and Kane will be in the arena. Don't forget about Raw - Rikishi vs Rock, with those twisted alliances. Plus, a #1 contenders match: the Fun Brothers vs the Funny Brothers. See ya on Heat!

The Cubs Fan
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