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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Yep, the Rock ("just bring it') replaced Gangrel. It could BE that he's getting a gimmick change - but then, it COULD be that he's getting a gimmick change. 

Too Cheesey (w/WWF The Music Volume 5 and the power of funk) vs Redd Dogg (Begnaud) and Big Daddy Moore (already in the ring) - Coach does the local voice over to hype tomorrow's Enforcer game. They show the local guys and they could've easily put the names there but NO. Like I want to go looking for RAW dark match repots on Saturday. (Thank you ) They do have a time to give us graphics for Michael Hayes (hair not in a pony tail for once) and the Coach (same hair as always.) Red Dogg was in ECW for 5 seconds when the clock was ringing about 11:55, right? I seem to remember some skit with him and the Baldies and Balls Mahoney and none of it making any sense, so I know I've got the right federation, just maybe not the right time. (He's scheduled to fight Steve Corino in a "ECW Rivals Collide" match for NWA Southwest for the vacant North American Title next Saturday.) Big Daddy Moore (as well as all the other non-Dogg guys) are from Oklahoma Pro Wrestling. You want me to talk about Steve Blackman's annoyance with Sexay's dancing instead of this background? Okay then, but trying to figure out why Corino is so screwed interests me more. Moore and Blackman start up. Wait, no, Sexay's going to start the fans clapping first. Blackman doesn't seem happy, but he takes emotions out on Moore - right, right, right, whip, flying shoulderblock, one handed pushups! Chop knocks Moore to his knees. Picking him back up, whip, Steve's head is down too quick so it's kicked, but Moore gets flapjacked when he comes off the ropes again. Punches on the mat. Warning about the closed fist. Blackman drags Moore into his corner, tag to Sexay. Blackman getting out of the ring - no, Sexay stops him so he can watch him dance. Now do the running man! Now go off the ropes, duck a clothesline, slide under, kick caught, enzuiguri not. Pick up of Moore, no he gets in an eye gouge, push into his corner, tag to Dogg. Right, right, clubbing forearm, right, corner whip, yell, charge right into a boot. Sexay to the second rope - missile dropkick connects. Cover, one two kickout. Headlock, off the ropes, clothesline is ducked but Moore gets in a shot from the apron that doesn't seem to do more than cause Sexay to take a moment to knock him down and not see Dogg coming with the clothesline. Coach and Hayes explain why the Rock's not fired now - Shane McMahon. The worse thing you can do to him is make him sit home and unable to get his revenge (say, like Shawn Michaels), so that's what they're doing. I do hope Rock finds something to do in the mean time. Dogg either yells or barks before hitting a slam. Tag into Moore, gutwrench suplex on Sexay, and watch him dance. The fans don't like it - they probably don't like seeing Moore's butt, as Sexay pulls the tights down too far trying to do a rollup. It only gets one two. Shot to the back as Sexay crawls to make the tag. Pick up, right. Tag to Dogg, kick, kick, punch, punch. Whip, clothesline. Up to the second rope -  flying we'll say headbutt misses when Sexay move out of the way. Can Sexay make the tag? Yes. Right to Redd Dogg, Steve yells a him to get up, whip, jumping shoulderblock, "Get up!" Whip, Lethal Kick. Sexay in to pull Moore in the hard way, whip, double backdrop. Coach just mentioned Haku and Essa later, which makes me realize that as much as I like them individually, I sure hope they don't put them together one week. Like ketchup and ice cream. Dogg charges at Sexay and Blackman, but the double clothesline misses - Blackman picks up Dogg in a bearhug, Sexay off the ropes - Hart Attack! Blackman grabs Moore as Sexay ejects Dogg. Snap suplex, no he's going to chain it a front suplex and Sexay's waiting for it - Hip Hop Drop to get the win. (4:48) Of course, no we've got to the real question - Sexay is thrown the glasses (by the same guy who does the beer?) and asks the crowd. Steve doesn't want any part of it, and he's leaving. The fan's don't like it, and Sexay convinces him to stay. Steve says no again, he hurt his leg, Sexay pushes him, Blackman pushes him DOWN. The fans boo, and Sexay grabs on Blackman's (hurt) leg to keep him from going. Begging. Blackman finnaly relents Sexay gives him the glasses and puts them on - one of the lenses fell out. That fits, somehow. Blackman manages to dance despite the problem - Blackman pulls out the Moonwalk this time! (Dance runs 2:03)  

TLC was a really good match. We'll see highlights later. Big Nasty Haku will up in a while, but first Stone Cold and Vince McMahon together - it can't be!?!? 

No, you're not seeing things - that is a picture of Austin and Vince shaking hands. This leads to stuff on RAW. And Smackdown. (11:32

Coming up later, K-Kwik will get rowdy, and we'll see highlights of the TLC match. But next, Haku.

Lugz Chyna Returns wearing a hideous outfit beating

Haku vs Shawn Hernandez (already in the ring) - Another XFL plug covers up whatever jobber graphic that might have been there. Lockup, wait no Haku needs a second. Okay, here we go, waistlock reversals and Haku gets to the ropes. Lockup, headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock.  Off the ropes, over the top, under the leapfrog, hiptoss blocked, clothesline no sold, whip, reversed, big backdrop might have dropped Hernandez right on his head. Haku takes time to yell, and Hernandez is slow up - well, those stomps and forearm shots aren't going to help him get up. There's another forearm. Pick up by the non-existent hair - snap suplex. Cover without a leg hook get 2. Push in the corner, chop, chop. Corner whip, clothesline. Hayes talks about doing the play by play booth - and meeting people who are better the Coach. Hernandez 's fighting out of the corner with punches, but we know how well those are going to work.  There's chops but they're not doing much better. Hernandez keeps on doing it and Haku's not moving. Now punches. Haku just decides to do nothing, neither sell nor no sell. It's weird. Well, he no sold that turnbuckle smash. Corner whip by Shawn, reversed and right into the Tongan Death Grip - push down cover for 3. (3:12) Hayes calls it a Tongan Death Grip, but we know that already if we were paying attention. I hear Haku can hit you with the Tongan Death Grip 72 different ways. Haku won't let got of the grip - now he will. The referee takes off quick.

Still to come, Essa Rios, but when we come back, TLC. 

Backlash is in Chicago and so am I.

TLC Hi-lights. (1:05)

Still to come, Essa is in the house, but next, K-Kwik will move some things.

The Castrol GTX Drive Hard Gore of Crash and Molly Holly of the week.

K-Kwik (w/WWF the Music Volume 5) vs Brandon Groom (already in the ring) - Commissioner William Regal will be on Heat to hilariously interact with the Germ. Actually graphic for Groom - that's 1 for 3.  Armbar by Groom to start it off, reversed, yanking it, reversed into a hammerlock, reversed to a hammerlock, reversed to a hammerlock, rolled over to a headlock, Groom reverse by a leg scissors, Kwik flips out, arm drag, arm drag, high dropkick, Groom begs off.  Kwik comes on any way, and gets a kick, forearm, kick, right, right, whip, clothesline misses, flying forearm by Kwik doesn't. Whip, reversed, right into the Flatliner. Slam. Cover for 2. Who's going to be next with the Vince group? (Read: Who will be propositioned and turn them down?) What does Debra really think? (Read: Will she end up managing that person against Austin?) Whip reversed into a belly to belly suplex by Groom. Stomp stomp, hard kick to the chest. Kwik falls out of the ring, what's Groom going to do? Nothing. Kwik up and brought back in - right, whip, dropkick. Cover one two. Kwik may still be suffering from the Gore on Smackdown. It's funny to see Coach sitting over there rubbing his face and saying nothing while we can hear his voice. Chinlock in the mist of all this, and Kwik is elbowing out. Exchange of punches, and I think Groom's last one was a little early, because usually Kwik ducks it by doing the splits, but this time it kinda looked like he got knocked down into the splits. Oh well, jumping side kick evens it out for K. Corner whip, reversed, I bet Kwik will kip up to avoid the whip and then flip for no reason - well, now he's added a diving shoulderblock that looks cool - 2 count. Going all the way up - missile dropkick. Cover one two Groom could've probably put his foot on the ropes but no just a kickout. Whip, kick to the head, Falcon Arrow is the Hat Rack Cracked this week. (4:16)

I have this rule against taking advice from cartoon goats - especially about sex. (You can only fool me once.)

Last Thursday on Smackdown, Linda promised revenge this Monday night.

Essa Rios (w/tiger tear way, white "no message here" tights and the bump 'n' grind) vs Vinny Valentino (already in the ring, "vain" on his tights) - You showed a person of him, why not put a graphic right there? The Jakked producers are LAZY this week. Lockup , headlock takedown. Both up. Armbar, into a hammerlock by Vinny. Now into a headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock cover for zero. Essa's arm sweep trip attempt is jumped over, but the elbow connects, snap mare, hard kick to the chest. Essa celebrates stealing that spot from that match versus that Loki fellow. Whip, hiptoss blocked, Essa flips out and clotheslines him down. Essa is happy, and I'm happy for him. Slam, and Essa's going to the apron? Slingshot legdrop, cover for 2. Kick to the head, whip, reversed, no reversed again, no a drop toe hold by Vinny on to the bottom rope - that looked awkward, as well as painful. Right, right, chop. Chop. Corner whip, kip up by Vinny, dropkick comes up short (missing by a couple inches despite Essa not actively moving out of the way) and I don't think that was supposed to happen. Hayes and Coach mock Vinny for missing Right, Essa some how assumes that Vinny will kindly be staying right near the ropes, runs off the other ropes and shockingly, the dropkick misses (and Essa takes the hamstring bump off the ropes.) Now Hayes makes funny of the dumb moves by both guys. Northern Lights Suplex for 2 by Vinny - nice way to make up for his miss. Off the ropes, delayed elbow drop, cover for 2. Right, right, whip, backdrop,  Essa lands on his feet but gets kicked, forearm, forearm, whip, reversed, knee by Essa shot the to the back, barring the arm, shot to the stomach - Mexican Armdrag into the powerslam for 2. Hayes and Coach were all over that move, unlike stupid head Cole. Whip, Essa kips up and nicely rolls up Vinny for 2. Clothesline missed, and Vinny backslide him into two. Kick, whip, revered, into a small package for 2. Kick, Pickup into a fireman's carry and drop forwards. Essa says that's it. Going up - top rope, hey that's the wrong way to do the moonsault, oh that's why SHOOTING STAR PRESS (headbutt - your aim goes when you only break it out once a year.) That'll be enough. (4:41) "There's nothing Essa can't do!" Hayes said it, not me. He also said some junk about "putting it all together", but who cares. Back during that near fall section he was calling "the people who formerly ran [WCW]" idiots who didn't know what they were doing and knew nothing about this business and misused talent, but what's the most important thing here? Essa Rios. I'd like to pretend that he's busting out the spot because he's on the way back to his annual one month push, but it's probably more likely that he's just trying to give reasons for them not to get rid of him. (Actually, it's the most likely that I should stop over thinking squash matches on Jakked.) 

Tomorrow night, LIVE, Steven Regal will be on Heat - what will he have on store for Jericho on Heat? Rematch from WM: Eddie Guerrero vs Test for the European Title. And Lita vs Spike Dudley. All this on Heat - and Linda McMahon's announcement on RAW - see you then.

The Cubs Fan
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