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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan





X-Factor vs Chris Harris, Rob Williams and Doug Basham (already in the ring) - Hey, it's Chris Harris! I'm not sure if it's a move up to job to X-Factor instead of the NBThrillers, though. We stick on the "Who's gonna be the #1 contender for the tag team title?" for all of five seconds before moving on to "more important things." Michael Hayes is appalled by how evil Austin and Triple H are this week. X-Factor attack before the bell because they're punks. Albert ejects Williams. The beatdown in the ring is so interesting, let's look at Michael Hayes and Jonathon Coachman talking. When we take a peek back at the ring, Justin has a headlock on Basham, shoulderblock, off the ropes, over, into the hiptoss. Armbar and a right from Basham, on the barred arm, right, right, right, tag to Harris.  Up to the second rope - ax-handle to the pulled arm. Right. Right, whip, reversed, Justin's clothesline misses but X-Pac pulls down the top rope, hmm, I think I'm noticing a pattern with these guys. Justin and X-Pac go out to help him up - and crotch him on the ring post while Albert distracts the ref.  Justin says hello to his opponents (in his own way) while Albert goes to the floor and press Slam's Harris (no small load there) over the top rope. Tag to X-Pac, chop, jab, jab, swinging right, run into the corner, right, right, right,  Harris fights back, right, right, off the rope and right into a spin kick, one two kickout.  Turnbuckle shot in X-Factor's corner. Chop. Chop. Triple Kick Combo. Bronco Buster (minus dance.) Tag to Justin Credible so he can do the pull off the ropes powerbomb. Tag to Albert, who taps his boot - big kick to the midsection. Sledge to the back. Whip, shoulderblock, shots for the guys on the apron. Albert goes back to Harris and picks him up, but Harris fires back with punches, right, right, right, whip, kick to the midsection, double underhook hanging slam. Pulling Harris back into his corner, Albert tags to X-Pac, who comes off the top rope with an elbow smash. Cover one two kickout. Tag to Justin, double whip, double clothesline is ducked, Harris hits the double clothesline. Can he make the tag? Yes. Williams in - ducks X-Pac clothesline, hits Justin with one then hits X-Pac, dropkick for Justin, shot for Albert but he ain't moving. X-Pac runs and jumps at Williams, Williams moves out of the way and X-Pac knocks Albert off the apron. Williams is now hopping around on his right  foot for no perceivable reason - even the announcers catch it. Doesn't look like he's hurt, just hopping along. Noggin knocker on Justin and X-Pac as Basham hits a plancha to the floor - Albert caches him and runs him into the corner. Back in the ring, Williams misses a corner charge, Albert squashes him and throws him in to X Marks The Spot. X-Pac covers, one two three. (4:27) Here's some karate posing for no real reason. Did Harris leave early? Oh, no, there he is. 

Kane and Triple H will have it out tomorrow night, Jerry Lynn gives Essa Rios a shot at his Light Heavyweight Gold, but next, Undertaker isn't friends with Austin any more.

"My Name is Stone Cold Steve Austin, and I have a match with the Undertaker on Sunday. I will probably cheat and have my friend Triple H help me win, because that's what I like doing." You know, I watched Full Metal Jacket a couple days ago and I'm still trying to count how many lines were stolen out of there for various WWF promos. And Undertaker's even reusing that "You better give your soul to your lord because your ass belongs to me" from a past feud. (2:27) Also, the IC Title. Hayes "warns" us about the brutality of chain matches.

Jerry Lynn is tying his shoes! Essa Rios is stretching his neck! Even though this is Jakked, let's pretend it's important! Or they just don't have highlight film of Jerry Lynn ready yet. 

This is Dateline Sunday. Or highlights from that. (45) That was quick.

Essa Rios (red pull a part pants, yellow ambition tights, w/the Rock and Team Xtreme (in Rolling Stone now!)) vs Jerry Lynn for the Light Heavyweight Title - Man, if Rock and the Hardys and Lita were actually here with Essa, he'd have a shot at winning. Hayes remembers that Essa is a former champ. I shouldn't point out the "ECW" chant here if I didn't bother to point out the "X-Pac SUCKS" one before, but there you go. Lockup, armbar by Lynn, twist, Essa elbows and reverses to a hammerlock, drop toe hold by Lynn and a headlock put on, Essa grabs the free arm before it is locked in and puts back on the armbar into the hammerlock, elbows by Lynn,  push in to the corner. Kick, forearm, corner whip, Essa flips over Lynn as he charges in and then armdrags Lynn as he comes out. Armbar.  Lynn with a knee, forearm, whip, , back elbow misses , Essa hits a flying headscissors and Lynn goes to the outside. Baseball slide dropkick from Essa stuns Lynn and Essa follows with a slingshot corkscrew plancha! Haven't seen that from him. Essa poses, then remembers to throw Lynn in, then poses, then goes to the apron and does the hip swivel. I think someone has a problem with focus. Essa finnaly turns around and Lynn's wait in for him - right, suplex no Essa falls behind (Hayes almost swears in anger over Essa's lack of following up), off the ropes, ducks the clothesline and 'ranas Lynn. Both men up, Essa runs right into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Stomp. Slam. Grapeving the legs - Bow And Arrow by Lynn! Lynn holds it for a while, then loses the grip and Essa falls on top of him for a cover one two. Hard kick by Lynn stops Essa from getting up. Forearm. Whip, clothesline by Lynn is slide under, Lynn tries a knee but Essa uses it to inside cradle Lynn for one two. Flying headscissors - no, side slam by Lynn for one two. Stomp. Stomp. Essa, in trying to escape away from Lynn, has ended up outside the ring, except that his feet are hooked around the bottom rope. He's just kinda hanging by his toes. Lynn, being a good guy, back up, then runs and kicks the ropes, so Essa's feet come unhooked and he falls to the floor. Essa thrown back in. Whip, reversed, backdrop by Essa. Essa charges, there's a clothesline.  Kick, kick, armbar, Mexican Armdrag. Whip, reversed, clothesline is ducked and Lynn is pulled into a powerslam one two kickout. Right, Essa puts Lynn on the top rope - top rope 'rana? No, Lynn holds on - jumping off the second rope swinging DDT! One Two Three (5:13) I guess maybe that's his finisher?

Still to come, HAKU, and also Angle will do anything to get his belts back. But next, how we got to Sunday's Kane/Triple H match.

Kane and Triple H. This footage is tinted red to hint something or other about the chain match. (1:44) Also, a World Title match.

The One Billy Gunn Is Still To Come. On the way, a look back at the past week in Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle's life.

The Twix (Chocolate) Gold Medal Retrieval Of Last Monday. 

Back to Smackdown, the stips for the match at Judgment Day and most of that match. (5:17) Also, a IC Title match and a World Title match.

the one Billy Gunn (w/WWF the Music Volume 5) vs Race Steele (already in the ring, again - also with a graphic) - Anyone know why Steele's been on this show for like a month straight? I will guess 1:10. Lockup, Gunn gets an armbar, twist, reverse by Steele, reverse by Gunn, elbow out by Steele, off the ropes, armdrag. Armbar. The announcers start talking about the Tag Team turmoil match during this, hmm. Billy Gunn would sure be a partner for Chris Jericho. Steele pushes Gunn into the corner, knee, right, forearm, corner whip, reversed, kip up by Steele, Gunn turns around and Steele tries to flip him but Gunn just goes behind - back suplex. There goes my time. Armdrag into an armbar. Twist. Slam. Running elbow drop misses, kick by Steele, walking snap suplex, cover one.  Gunn with a kick, right, right, corner whip and Gunn eats elbow. Steele up to the second rope - jumping reverse neckbreaker. COVER HIM! He's a little slow ONE TWO TH-Shoulder up. Push in the corner, chop, chop, chop. Steele starts to celebrate but Gunn's had enough. Open hand slap, chop, slap, chop, jab, jab, warning about the closed fist so Gun goes to kicks. Corner whip, reversed, Gunn rebounds out but ducks the clothesline and they both hit one. Both up, Steel misses a clothesline and Gunn hits his. And another. Whip, tilt-a- whirl slam, one two kickout. Whip, no it's short clothesline, Gunn holds on to the arm and picks him back up - the One and Only. One Two Three (3:55) Wow, a real four minute match from Billy Gunn! He sold and gave his opponent offense and everything.

Haku warms up backstage! Now I know they have footage of him. This also kinda blows a whole in the "make this match seem important" theory.

RC Guerrero Swerve Of Last Monday.

Haku vs Chris Michaels (already in the ring and with graphic) - Coach says Eddie proved on Monday that he's 100% with the Hardy Boyz, which is as bad a sign for that relationship as one can get. Thanks to Jakked people for doing graphics this week. Lockup, right, turnbuckle shot. Chop. Chop. Corner whip, Michaels does the Credible Flip (get to the part of the Flair Flip where you fall on the apron, but fall back in the ring instead) and eats a chop. Whip, head down too soon and Haku gets kick. Off the ropes, clothesline is ducked, Haku's thrust kick isn't - it knocks Michaels through the ropes and to the floor. Haku out and throws Michaels in the barrier. Pick up, run into the apron. Chop. Pick up, run into the ring post. "Hiyah!" Michaels thorn back in, Haku with a big kick. Side back breaker, hold, no pushed off the knee.  Stomp. Stomp. "Random Tongan."  Corner whip, Haku charges in with a clothesline, I think Chris wanted to get out of the way but didn't in time and gets squashed. Haku pummels Michaels in the corner. Haku helps him up, and helps him down with a headbutt. Pick up, push in the corner. Kick. Kick. Kick. Right, knee, knee, knee, knee, knee. Corner whip, charge in but Michaels gets out of the way and Haku's shoulder meets the corner post. Michaels with a superkick. Right, right, corner whip but Haku reverses it right around. Clothesline.  Elbow drop but Haku misses. Right by Michaels, right. Dropkick. Off the ropes and right into the Kick of Fear. Whip - flapjack, Tongan Dance, Tongan Death Grip, one two three. (4:15) This like second grade - Saturn brutalizes one guy and now they ALL have to play nice.

Heat will be LIVE from the site of Judgment Day (Arco Arena.) Here's some hype for Angle and Benoit, the IC Title and the WWF Title. Coach and Hayes have to go catch a plane to the arena, so that's it.

The Cubs Fan
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