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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Whoa, I thought I had this typed up yesterday and saved and now the file's blank and that's never ever good. I was really really funny the first time so if I'm not this time, just pretend I was. Actually, that's a decent idea for every week.

Jerry Lynn vs TAKA Michinoku (w/Funaki and Flags) - Your announcers are Kevin Kelly (Jonathon Coachman is on vacation, so Kelly filled in for him there doing the Slam Jam (with Michael Cole doing the play by play for him) and here doing the play by play) and Michael Hayes (who filled in for Dr. Tom Pritchard, on Metal, still MIA.) Got a hold of all that? I'll let you figure it out while TAKA has something to say. "Ha, Larry Jynn! Look at you - you have a haircut - but no title! You think you are bad - so do I! You are very bad! But I am good, and we Kaientai are [crowd yells EVIL] EEEEEEEEEEVIL. HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA" "inDEED" Circle, lockup, knee by TAKA> Headlock, pushed into the ropes, back with the shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, under, Lynn starts running and hits a headscissors. TAKA rolls out to recover but Lynn nails him with a baseball slide dropkick. Funaki is over to help his partner - pescado onto both of them! Lynn throws TAKA back into the ring, rolling in to follow. Right, right, whip, reversed, under, oh no TAKA hurt his leg going for the leapfrog. Ref Jack Doan asks Lynn to pause but he argues - off the ropes, Funaki grabs his foot, Lynn grabs Funaki's hair. Lynn asks the fans if he should hit Funaki but Funaki quickly hits a hot shot - superkick by TAKA! That leg is feeling a lot better all the sudden. He's so happy. Bow, running dropkick to the face. Yell. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, charge in, Lynn with a corner sunset flip one two kickout. TAKA with a clothesline, Lynn ducks and hits a German suplex, TAKA lands on his feet and hits a palm shot! Cover for one two kickout. Open hand slap by TAKA, Lynn fires back. Repeat. Repeat. TAKA with the Three Stooges eye poke! Big windup punch! TAKA insits that was a palm shot. And here's one for more. Corner whip, reversed, kip up by TAKA to escape - 'rana but Lynn hits a powerbomb one Lynn lets go and TAKA gets loose. Both are on the mat - maybe Lynn hurt himself doing that. TAKA with a right but Lynn blocks it and hits his own. Repeat! Lynn hits a couple more, whip, backdrop. Clothesline! Some guys are walking behind the front rows with letters, but they're not all holding them up where I can see them - "SIGN"? Funaki on the apron, Lynn swings and misses, full nelson hold, TAKA charges but Lynn ducks out of the way but TAKA stops short. Kaientai are happy till Lynn dropkicks TAKA into Funaki anyway. Off the ropes, jumping swinging DDT cover one two three. (3:31)

A look back at Tajiri's debut match and K-Kwik and Jackie return. But next, Austin is all over the place.

Last Monday. And then Last Thursday. I had all sorts of fun things to say here the first time. This time, I'll just note that the German Suplex off the ropes didn't make the highlight package. (11:15)

Coming up later, Raven and Regal is surprised. But next, the team of Ivory and Haku.

K-Kwik (w/WWF the Music Volume 5) & Jacqueline vs Ivory & Haku - I'd love to here explanations for either team. Is Jackie still friends with APA or did we forget that? Hayes and Kelly suggest that Ivory talked to Haku till he (gave in and) agreed to this match. Insert Tough Enough talk here. Did Ivory hold her nose when Haku lifted up his arms? Ivory takes Jackie down from behind before the match even starts and they tussle on the ground. The guys break it up, shoving each other along the way. I guess Haku and Kwik want to start. Kwik hits Haku with a clothesline he doesn't see coming, but it doesn't knock him down. Off the ropes, slam no Kwik falls behind, waistlock, Haku to the ropes, Kwik falls back, Haku tries to drop an elbow but Kwik moves out of the way. Right, right, right, right, right by Haku that Kwik didn't see coming stops all that. Push into the corner and pummeling. Ivory likes it. Elbow to the neck. Snap suplex. Going to the second rope - frog splash (!) misses! Kwik is back in with right right right, corner whip, reversed, kip up, back flip for no reason, ducks the clothesline, hits the dropkicks (knocking Haku down!) cover one two kickout. I've missed Kwik's pointless flips. Clothesline misses, Kwik cross body catches Haku in the air (what was he going for?) and one two Ivory breaks it up. Jackie chases her and now they're off around the ring. Ivory's back in first, Haku knocks down Kwik with a palm shot and cuts Jackie off, catching her in a bearhug - Kwik clips Haku and Jackie lands on top, raining in punches! She goes to town then celebrates before ref Chad Patten kindly asks her to leave. Kwik sizes up Haku - jumping side kick. Cover one two kickout.  Off the ropes, duck the clothesline, big flapjack by Haku. Ivory yells for the tag and she gets it! Elbow drop but Kwik moves - tag to Jackie! GORE GORE GORE right right right right right right whip,  back elbow. Hayes is question Angle's logic about asking for a street fight and he's not alone. Dropkick! Clothesline. I miss WOW. Whip, reversed, Ivory puts her head down too soon and Jackie hops over - kick to the midsection - sablebomb! One two three. (3:25) Haku tried to make the save with a diving headbutt but got there too late. Kwik gets rowdy. He never got to do the splits during the match so he'll do them now. Haku carries Ivory off over her shoulder and I'm not sure she appreciates it.

Still to come, Essa Rios en el casa! But next, Tajiri vs Crash.

Classic King Of The Ring Moment: Bret Hart wins the King of the Ring and is crowned by Jerry Lawler.

This segues into talk about Tajiri in action - let's watch that now.

Tajiri and Crash. The problem comes when he's fighting people a little bigger than Crash, I think. (2:17) Quarterfinal action takes place on Monday from the Ice Palace in Tampa, Florida and it leads to the King of the Ring, only on PPV.

Still to come, Essa Rios is here, but on the way, Raven.

Combos Baldo Bomb of Last Monday.

Raven (w/WWF the Music Volume 5 and Saturn and Terri on Heat) vs Brad Hunter (already in the ring) - Circle. Loud ECW chant. Lockup, Raven push in the corner, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm, forearm no pushed out of the corner. Hunter with a kick, chare right out into a drop toe hold . Staggering a round - hip toss and clotheslined out. Raven wants to follow up but the ref won't let him - but he can sneak a hair pull to the apron, shot the to back of the forearm, Hunter is staggering again. And another forearm and Hunter's flopping all around. A third and Hunter falls to the floor. Raven sneaks out the side of the ring while the ref is looking another way - Russian Legsweep into the rail. Slam headfirst into the stairs.  Shots into the apron. Hunter is selling each shot like he's drunk or maybe Terry Funk.  Raven has him up on the apron - uh oh, hot shot. Hunter points to his head because he's a big Jeff Jarrett fan. Whip, jumping side kick. Celebration, delayed cover one kickout .Slam - Springboard somersault splash with a twist comes up with a big miss. Both slow up, but Raven takes control in a corner, right right right, corner whip, rebound clothesline. Raven tells him to get up - Mr. Wrestling #2 Knee Lift. Bronco Billie Special! Hunter takes the Bulldog awkwardly.  Raven calls for the Raven Effect. So there it is. One Two Three. (3:43)

1-800-Collect Kiss of the Week

Essa Rios (black pull aways, purple tights) vs Sean Evans (already in the ring, "Rocker" on the tights) - How is it that Essa can afford 30 different tights a year and Funaki's been wearing the same ones for three years now? Life confuses me. The ref is really young. Lockup, Headlock by Sean, Essa pushes him into the ropes, back with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes, hiptoss by Essa blocked, hiptoss by Evans blocked, Evans flips out to escape, Essa trips the leg and covers for zero. Armdrag, clothesline out of the ring. Evans probably shouldn't have jumped so soon - Oh there goes Essa with the over the corner somersault plancha. Everyone back in the ring - fireman's carry, drop down in front, Essa pounds the top rope - he's going for it already? NO, - slingshot legdrop and that comes up empty. Evans is holding his head but he's up and fighting, right, whip, reversed, Evans slides under, Essa kicks but that's caught, Evans spins him and tries his own kick, Essa catches it but not the enzuiguri that follows. Evans takes his time following up - pickup, whip, superkick is ducked under and Essa goes behind, back suplex is blocked with elbows, Evans turns around - Northern Lights Suplex! One two kickout! The ref's name is actually Brian Webber and I think he's new around here. Short clothesline by Essa. Pick up, kick,  kick, running to the corner - Mexican armdrag into a powerslam one two kickout. Corner whip, follow in, Evans kips up - kick to the stomach - Tornado DDT! (The running up the ropes kind) Cover one two kickout. "I think Brian Webber forget what came after two!" "Runs in the family." There's your inside joke for the day. Whip, reversed, flying headscissors NO Essa reverses it into a tilt-a-whirl slam at the last second. He's calling for it - going to the top - moonsault one two three. (3:39) Essa hops up on the barricade and hip swivels for a fan.

On Heat, Jeff Hardy defends the Light Heavyweight Title. Perry and Terri guest host. That's it.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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