You are here

WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




They actually broke up the back to back Metal/Jakked WWF two hours this week with a movie. But I still caught Michael Hayes working both shows. Maybe it's a good thing they might be getting a couple more announcers soon.  

WWF World Leader + Credits - Chyna is out, Bradshaw is in.

the Hollys vs Kai En Tai (w/flags) - Your announcers are Michael Hayes and Jonathon Coachman. They were talking about WCW a second ago, but they talk about Shane's match in the live shot. Hayes is scanning the crowd as he's talking. "You don't possibly think there could possibly be a WCW presence on Jakked, do you?" Way to sell it, Coach. Hayes: "The WCW guys, let me tell you, they're leeches. I used to work down there, I know." Oh no, TAKA can't find his mic. I guess he forget his mic - ah, Funaki stole it. TAKA (with a totally different voice this week): "Hey, you Holly, you think you are tough because you're from Mobile, Alabama? HAHAHA But we are Kai En Tai we will show you how tough we are because we are EEEEEVIL! HAHAHA HAHAHA!" "inDEED" Hey, who was that voice? Maybe it was Savio Vega! But probably not. There' the bell - Hardcore and TAKA to start. Headlock by Hardcore, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Over, under, spin kick. Kick by TAKA, whip, head down too soon, double underhook release slam. Hardcore with the hanging vertical suplex. Commentators are aghast as the idea of a WCW matches on RAW. Tag to Crash, off the top rope cross body for 2. Headlock by Crash but TAKA quickly hits an eye poke, tags to Funaki, and rolls out of the ring. Funaki in and hiptossed. Clothesline by Crash. Whip, reversed, fall behind by Crash, 'rana! Two important things happen at once here, so we'll take them one at time. First, Michael Hayes goes off: "When you think about the idiots that ran that company into the ground before - and surely, Shane McMahon will do a better job - the previous owners lost 80 million dollars in one year. Don't you think, by time you got to 20 million, 'Oh no! I'm not doing a good job!'" Now, back to the match - Crash with a whip, Funaki reverses and in the angle we're looking at, TAKA's standing in the corner and the ref is on that side of the ring. We switch a camera angle and, while Crash is seemingly continuing his run off the ropes, the ref is on the other side of the ring, Hardcore Holly has walked all the way over from his corner to Kaientai's side of the ring and TAKA's no where to be seen. I'm thinking they must've edited out of TAKA's injury (maybe a make up for the last time he had this injury in this building.) Anyway, Funaki hits a dropkick. Funaki holds out Crash's hand towards his corner (Hardcore has made his way back) but no, not far enough. Right. Hardcore that draws him in - jawbreaker for Crash. Coach notes TAKA's injury. Reverse neckbreaker. Cover one two kickout. Whip, double clothesline and everyone's down. Well, not Hardcore. Crawling over for a tag, and Crash makes it. Right, right, whip, best dropkick in the businesses. Super low blow. (No DQ called.) Hollycaust! One two NO that's not your finisher anymore! Funaki with a backslide one two kickout. He's not giving up, even though it's two on one. Whip, reveres, there's the super spinebuster one two three (3:15 shown) That's now the Alabama Slam, make a note of it. TAKA's now up on the apron. Coach says it may be that shoulder he hurt in the past. That was pretty seamless editing - unless you were paying close attention, you might have missed it.

Highlights from a table match later on. Raven will be in action (Hayes "so watch your wallet"). But next, WCW's Champion Booker T gets involved again. 

This week on Tough Enough - I wonder if they have the last line of the show in the preview again.

Invasion. Shane says it's time to invade. Mike Awesome wins the Hardcore Title. Vince is upset.  Booker T at WWFNY. I think the Perry/Terri no-show there was an inside joke - the last two post PPV Mondays, the people who were supposed to be there were pulled and switched at the last second. Austin and Angle go to get them. APA rallies the troops. Angle and Austin storm WWFNY. Austin challenges Booker T. Shane shows up in MSG - and so does Booker T. Nice slow mo of Vince punching Booker T and his reaction. Booker T and Shane run him out. "I'm gonna do what you did to your father, dad, I'm gonna put you out of business." On to Smackdown and this isn't edited so it's far less exciting. I wonder if Linda got her idea from watching the PPV promos. That didn't look like the real WCW belt. (9:47) WCW on RAW!

Still to come, Jerry Lynn is in the house. Plus, a look a Tough Enough. But next, Raven. Hayes wars us again to watch our wallets.

(Jericho replacing Chyna) Lugz Green Mist Of Last Monday

Raven vs Loki (already in the ring) - Let's see if I can guess this match before it happens - early offense from Raven, culminating with the Russian Legsweep into the barricade, the other guy takes control, then Raven comes back with his usual house of fire moves finished off by whichever name they're using this week. Hayes is convinced Raven is checking out the fans for wallet targets. APA host Heat. Jumping hard side kick by Loki before the bell. Hard kick to the chest X 3. Stomp. Loki to the top - corkscrew something or other but it misses and Loki lands on his feet and rolls through. Raven with a big boot that connects hard, and a drop toe old into the second rope. Slingshot over the top rope. Raven calls Loki in - he charges in with a clothesline and Raven throws him back out. Loki back on the apron and Raven knees him to the floor. Now Raven's out- here's the Russian legsweep. Loki thrown in, Raven follows. Right, right, right, right, whip, reverse, Loki gets his head down too soon and Raven kicks it. Raven walks right into an enzuiguri, though. Hayes is convinced there's a mole in the locker room - someone had to tip off Shane so he knew to take off. Loki with a springboard side kick. Muta elbow drop. Muta elbow drop. Muta elbow drop. Cover one two kickout. Cover one kickout. Cover one kickout. Hook the leg! Whip, hard kick to the midsection, kick to the head, kick to the head Raven's had enough of that and there's a right and another. Loki with a koppo kick! Wow. Chop. Kick to the chest, kick to the chest. Loki goes out side and pushes Raven to the top. - right, right, drop back inside, right, push him down. Loki does a handspring jumping side kick but Raven takes his head off with a second rope clothesline when he gets airborne. Loki with a kick but it's blocked. Another block and Raven's fighting back with rights. Rebound clothesline. Mr. Wrestling #1 Knee. Bronco Billie Special. Raven calls for it - Raven Effect. Cover one two three. (3:58) Well, that's pretty close but a lot better than it thought. I can't wait till Tajiri gets demoted to this program just for the match with Loki. Coach says Raven was taking advantage of his size - I was thinking how that Loki really wasn't that much shorter than Raven so whatever. 

K-Kwik gets rowdy later, but next, the tag team titles are on the line but someone else has something to say about it.

Back to Smackdown, the WWF tag team title match, starting with D-Von's elimination. Hey, you know, Tazz was awful impressed with the WCW guys. But then he goes back to hating them when the WCW guys show up. I like how many people thought Jerry Lynn was Test or Chris Jericho or anyone but Jerry Lynn. The best part of this is how Kaientai jump around because they have nothing better to do. Actually, the best part is ESSA RIOS. (How often is he on Raw and Smackdown in one week?) (3:00) More of the same Monday - hey, if you liked that, you'll love it when it's both sides beating the crap out of each other.

Still to come, Jerry Lynn versus Essa Rios! But next, a sneak peak of Tough Enough.

Look at - these people wrote stuff about Tough Enough. And then these shows talked about. Shockingly, this clip doesn't include shots of this site. Anyway, back to Darryl not telling EVERYONE that he's sick. Victoria's head hurts. Darryl's sick. And has a bad attitude. And then Tazz. They don't show him ripping down the Goldberg poster here, odd. Darryl's attitude. (2:17) I think we got this instead of clips of our two video changes this time - I guess that tells the very importance.

Jerry Lynn vs Essa Rios (red, no words) - Hayes goes off on people who want to be wrestlers and the people on Tough Enough for most of the match. Then he goes off on the producer. Then he has issues with ref Chad Patten. I think having to do two hours of the same matches is driving him nuts. Slide into the ring!  Essa fools around some more, hip swiveling on the apron after the bell has rung and Lynn's had enough of this stalling - dropkick to the back. Lynn out, right, throw back in. Essa back in - kick, right, right, whip, reversed, Lynn with a back elbow. Lynn hip thrusts! Stomp. Right by Essa, right, right, headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, over, bodyscissors into an armdrag, armdrag, armbar, Lynn battle up and to the ropes. Knee, right misses and Essa hits a dropkick. Lynn walks the wrong way and we're waiting for it - pescado but Lyn rolls in but ESSA LANDS ON HIS FEET. That's smooth. Essa gets on the apron and Lynn punches, Essa almost falls to the floor despite hanging on to the second rope, but manages to pull himself back up to a standing position in time to get punched again. Suplex in, no Essa Falls behind, off the ropes, Essa ducks under a clothesline, off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for one two. You know, Essa could very well miss this match. Lynn runs Essa into the corner, corner whip, charge in clothesline. Bow and Arrow! Essa flips over into the cover, one two kickout. Stomp. Stomp. They just now get around to mentioning King Edge. Off the ropes, tilt-a-whirl but Essa lands on his feet - crucifix rolls up- one two. Essa goes for a victory roll but Essa doesn't initially get his left leg already the way over and then Lynn can't hold him up (or maybe it was a planned reversal) so Essa goes face first into the mat and Lynn can't manage to hit the jacknife cover so he has to get up and hit a forearm to the back real hard. That's in slow motion - in regular speed, it looked more like a real big mess. "That's like a ... a maneuver that doesn't go as planned." Some boos from the crowd. Picking up Essa, shot into the turnbuckle, corner whip, reversed,  Lynn with the corner sunset flip one two kickout. Right by Lynn misses, back suplex. Exchange of punches, Essa gets the better of it, whip, backslide. Clothesline. C'mon, finish him off. No, don't fix your hair - next time tie it up before the match. Elbow smash, wristlock, kick, kick - Mexican armdrag into a powerslam one two NO. That got the fans back into it. Essa is very slow after he's picked Lynn - but he eventually does hit a short clothesline. No, don't take your time. Moonsault comes up empty but Essa lands on his feet anyway, but he gets forearmed into the corner. Lynn charges but he gets backdropped but he lands on the apron - going up top, but Essa turns and crotches him. Be careful. Right, right, make sure you get a good headscissors Essa - top rope 'rana but no Lynn doesn't go - Essa back up quick but right is blocked and here's the Tornado DDT. One two three. (5:33) AWWWWWWWW. Lynn isn't totally demoted. I'd pay someone to teach Essa to do a superplex so that stops happening.

Dial 1-800-Collect and tell someone that Shane got really beat up last Sunday.

K-Kwik vs Inferno Kid (already in the ring, no graphic) - My new rule is no graphic, no play by play. Like they care. Like YOU care. Kwik's learned a lot of roll ups in his time off, I'll tell you that. Nice headscissors. Hayes gives the name of the guy but it's far to late for me to care. Kwik still does the Flatliner - what must Kanyon think? Nice powerbomb by Kid. They're in Atlanta next week. That should be interesting. That's a variation of a chinlock I don't have to look up. What the heck was that? Weird move by Kid - maybe a cobra clutch bulldog. Kwik gets some long distance on the missile dropkick. There's flying forearm, there's the flips and splits for no reason, there's the side kick. You know, I got on Raven for being entirely predictable, but so is Kwik (and others.) It's just that I know he's capable of better (and he did a little better) - Kwik hasn't shown that yet. Essa doesn't have that problem - probably because he forgets what he's doing at times. Hat Rack Cracked. (4:04) Hayes doesn't like that name. He's not alone.

APA hosts Heat, tomorrow. Apparently, no matches. History will be made on Monday - WCW matches on RAW! See you next week.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

Email the Author

Comment about this article on the EZBoard



Design copyright © 1999-2001 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2001 by the individual author and used with permission