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WWF Jakked by The Cubs Fan




Two Years Ago, Marc Taylor did the workrate style to say Stevie Richards (playing Steve Blackman) vs Steve Blackman worked, as did a D'Lo Brown match. There was even a passable Albert/Stasiak. On the other side was Jackie/Luna.

One Year Ago, I watched the not-so-odd connection of Tazz, Saturn and Raven get a win over Too Cool and Crash, Steve Blackman defend his Hardcore Title versus Funaki, Dean defeat Essa and Just Joe lose to Brooklyn Brawler. LOSE TO BROOKLYN BRAWLER. I can not emphasize this point enough.

TV 14 LDV one world leader


who better than kris kanyon & Hugh Morrus vs the Hardy Boyz (w/Lita) for the WCW Tag Team Championship - you know what would be cool would be if the 'other' Alliance guys had regular partners instead of using the hat. Oooh, title graphic. This might be the first WCW Tag Team Title match EVER on Jakked and the announcers are swell enough to spend a moment speculating what would happen to the No Mercy card if the Alliance pulled off the upset. Oh yes, your announcers are Jonathon Coach Man and Chris Leary and their guess is that we get a Hugh Morrus/Kanyon vs Hurricane/Storm match (the MIA/Team Canada feud must never die) but I'd guess it'd just be a non-title match while the APA get a shot on Heat or something. Perhaps we should wait to figure this out. Coach reminds us of Kanyon still having a thing with Lita. I think Kanyon, Coach and maybe Lita are the only people aware of this - Leary says "that's right!" like he forget about it. Jeff's in the ring and yet, not in the ring. Kanyon wants the tag - he wants Matt. And he gets Matt. Somehow, Leary ends up saying that Lita's stomach is like Medusa. Matt talks, Shove by Kanyon, Matt turns towards him and starts to talk some more so Kanyon has to kick him to shut him up. Rights, headlock, off the ropes, hiptoss by Matt. Matt off the ropes, here's a jawbreaker. Matt trash talks (he talks more in matches than in interviews) while the announcers try to convince you to buy the PPV because Vince McMahon will be there. I guess that's trash talk too. Matt with rights, whip, charge, back elbow by Kanyon, Matt charges again (why?) and gets a boot (good for Kanyon.) Kanyon goes to the second rope (!) looks to Lita, does the yell (Justin watches Jakked), legdrop but Matt moves. Kanyon's tailbone hurts and his fact hurts after Matt does the H-A-R-D-Y turnbuckle smash combo. Russian legsweep, cover one two Kanyon kicks out. Tag to Jeff. Double kick down in the corner. Turnbuckle shot, corner whip, reversed, kip up by Jeff and a headscissors for Kanyon. Dropkick, and Jeff tries to follow with that split legged jawbreaker, but Kanyon goes for the eyerake. Tag to Hugh, and he gets an armdrag. Jeff off the ropes, under a clothesline, right into a lunging forearm. Whip, reversed, Hugh head down too soon, Jeff kicks it, off the ropes, right into a powerslam. One Two NO. OH MY GOD JEFF'S HAIR IS ONE COLOR. I just noticed and the shaved part is dark but wow man wow. Whip, reversed, Jeff slides out and gives Hugh a hand signal. Hugh takes this badly and chases out, Jeff in, tag to Matt but Hugh slides and goes after Jeff and gets jumped by Matt. Double corner whip, Poetry in Motion. Jeff rolls out, Matt clotheslines Hugh, up to the second rope, yelllllledgrop. Kanyon in and Kanyon punches silly. Headlock, Twist of Fate no he's pushed into Hugh's flapjack. Kanyon goes back out of the ring, Hugh picks up Matt, whip, clothesline. Cover one two you're not Bradshaw. Slam. Going up? Yes. Hugh always goes way too slow, but this time milking it gets him some boos. Hugh going for No Laughing Matter and missing, of course. Everyone needs a tag, Matt gets one, Kanyon was in the general area where Hugh was going so maybe that's close enough. Jeff ducks the clothesline, bumps Hugh out of the ring and punches down Kanyon. Off the ropes, diving clothesline, split legged jawbreaker (Kanyon sells wacky), double leg takedown, double legdrop. Jeff going up but he's picking the wrong corner. Hugh crotches him, Matt takes Hugh off the apron and they brawl on the floor. Meanwhile, Kanyon grabs Jeff off the top rope - extra special Northern Lights Suplex for one two Matt breaks it up. Kanyon gets smashed into the corner and punches. Whipped into the corner, Matt sets up for another Poetry in Motion but Hugh holds Jeff's leg and Kanyon gets Matt in an Oklahoma roll one two kickout but Matt's not legal anyway. Jeff finnaly breaks loose, only to try to pescado Hugh and get caught. Jeff escapes and pushes Hugh right in position for the Lita swinging 'rana. Kanyon with a corner whip, Matt reverses, Kanyon kips up but Matt's stopped short, headlock, Twist Of Fate, Swanton Bomb, one two three. (5:47) Oh wow they held on to the belts after all. It'd be cool if Hugh actually hit the No Laughing Matter once.

Coming up, a look at how Chris Jericho and the Rock got to Sunday, Test vs Billy Gunn, but next, which way will he go, which way will he go.

Triple Threat Video Package (3:42) Graphic.

Still to come, Linda and Rudy sitting in a office, Scotty vs Awesome, but up next, Taker and Test and T and TKane.

Let's go back to Smackdown's tag match. (2:28) Graphic. Graphic. Someone needs to explain to me why Test is the Alliance MVP. Even ignoring Kanyon.

Test vs the one Billy Gunn -  Leary thinks Test has been working out. Even Coach makes fun of him like that. "Maybe it's genetics!" Gunn's entrance. "Looks like he's been working out!." "This going to be a match between two guys who obviously work out." Test can't be more occupied with that PPV match. He can overlook Billy Gunn, because he's taller than him. Your ref is Teddy Long. Lockup and Test wins, but when you think about it, we all really win. Break, clean, no Test with the cheap shot. More punches. Whip, reversed, Gunn charges in and Test gets up a back elbow. Leary makes the obvious mistake of confusing Test with KANE. Test misses a clothesline and Gunn gets really high on a dropkick. I guess it does help that Test is tall. Cover one kickout. Leary: "Kane? What was I thinking?" Coach wonders that every week. When you're getting punked out by Coach maybe it's time to rethink things. HEY, maybe that's what that job ad is about? Gunn jabs. Corner whip, backing up, charging, Gunn splash. Big clothesline. One two kickout. Jab. Jab. Clothesline but it misses and there's the full nelson release slam. Stinging rights to the head. Push in the corner, right, back elbow, right, back elbow, Coach's family is coming to RAW. Corner whip, clothesline, Gunn with face plant. Cover one two kickout. Whip, clothesline misses, Gunn with jabs. Whip, reversed, Russian Legsweep. Pumphandle (oh he can do this now) over the shoulder, Gunn slips behind (maybe not) and hits a reverse neckbreaker. One two three four five six seven eight they're both up, Test with a right (it hits!) and Gun is groggy but coming back with his jabs. Test stops that with a knee, whip, tilt-a-whirl but Gunn escapes and lands on his feet so Test just kicks him in the gut. Tilt-a-whirl kick in the gut, they call it. Off the ropes, right into the tilt-a-whirl slam for one tow kickout. Whip, reversal, reversed into the One and Only (no response) but Test breaks it with elbows, clothesline misses, big boot is ducked, Gunn with a kick to the midsection, tap the leg (mild reaction) off the ropes BIG BOOT. One two three. (4:02) Coach dubs it the Boot From Hell and it sounds like a bad horror movie.

Coming up, Kaientai is here! But next, the WCW Title and some other things. 

To change things up, here's the graphic before the video package. (2:02)

Coming up, Scotty 2 Hotty but the next, the WWF gives away money.

Mike Awesome vs Scotty 2 Hotty - They hype the Lingerie match and I'm still wondering why they haven't actually mentioned what are the rules for this match and THEN COACH DOES and I'm happy and then Coach makes fun of people for asking about the rules and I hate him even more. I do not trust the WWF in situations like this. Clap started. Lockup no Scotty rolls away. Lockup no Scotty tries to roll away but Awesome catches him and throws him into the corner. Right no Scotty ducks out of the corner. Off the ropes, shoulderblock but Scotty goes down. Awesome yells at Scotty to get up, he does, off the ropes, under the clothesline, hitting the headscissors. Dance. Awesome is offended and charges, Scotty ducks and Awesome goes over the top. Scotty off the ropes, sliding dropkick. Awesome is angry, and Scotty waits for him. Awesome to the apron, Scotty charges, punches off the ropes, right into the catapult shoulderblock, one two kickout. Stomp. Right. Push in the corner and headbutts to the midsections. Headbutt. Boot choke. Whip, clothesline. Off the ropes, splash, one two kickout. Running Awesome Bomb? Of course not. Scotty slips out, ducks a punch, hits a doubled handed face first bulldog. I guess Mike was looking the wrong way. There's dance, W O R M who who who ha ha ha. Cover one two big kickout! How can he survive the worm? I am impressed with the Mike Awesome! Awesome staggers in the corner and Scotty with one two three four five six seven eight nine ten. Corner whip, reversed, charge in, Scotty with the elbow, Scotty goes to the top rope for the Flying DDT but Awesome catches him in a powerslam, one two three. (3:27)  

Here's the contribution video package. (1:30)

Stacker 2 RVD Frog Splash of Monday. Have you SEEN the NASCAR Stacker 2 commercials? You will never complain about the stupidness of a WWF one again.

Raven and Justin Credible (w/Terri) vs Kaientai (w/o mics or flags) - JUSTIN CREDIBLE BEAT THE ROCK. TAKA still hasn't found that microphone. Funaki's opted for the shorts for once. Funaki and Raven lockup, Raven backs him into the wrong corner but Funaki is all rights and back elbow of fire. Raven catches the boot so Funaki hits Justin with the enziguri. (Raven ducked) Raven misses the clothesline, headscissors by Funaki and a right for Justin. Raven hits the Mr. Wrestling #2 kneelift to take everyone out, and Justin takes back control on the floor while Raven plays distract the ref. Funaki thrown in, Raven brings him into the corner and goes to the second rope - driving knee to the back of the head one two kickout. Raven picks up Funaki but Funaki fights back with punches. Whip, reversed, dropkick by Funaki takes Raven out. Since Raven is out there, he decides to trip TAKA off the apron and punch him, then clothesline him down (TAKA landing on his right shoulder?) Justin in and grabbing Funaki in a waistlock, but Funaki breaks it up with elbows before Raven can do anything. Funaki suddenly decides to lunge for a tag but Raven is standing in his way and catches him, inverted atomic drop and a clothesline. Tag to Justin. Double whip, double backdrop but Funaki goes for the sunset flip on Justin. Raven smartly (!) tries to hold on to Justin so he won't go down, so TAKA comes in and dropkicks Raven and Funaki complete the roll for one two kickout. Justin with a shotay! I don't think that was supposed to look like that, though. Funaki sells it like he's been killed very painfully. Whip, sleeper! Funaki with a jawbreaker. Can he make the tag? Yes! Shotay! Shotay! Superkick! Spin Kick! Kick to the midsection for Justin, whip, drop toe hold, Funaki with the camel clutch, (Jack Doan with the "argue with Raven so he can't interfere), dropkick to the face. Celebrate! Doan now pushing Funaki out so Raven comes back in to hold TAKA - SUPERKICK hits Raven when TAKA ducks. MICHINOKU DRIVER! Doan's talking to Terri on the apron so no count. TAKA finnaly steps over to argue with Jack Doan and gets a slap from Terri, Raven over to do the rebound clothesline. One two kickout! Terri again up and arguing with Doan, Raven with a whip, TAKA reverses it, Raven and Terri collide, TAKA pushes Raven into Justin (on the apron on the other side) and rolls up Raven - one two THREE! (3:29) TAKA BEATS (THE GUY WHO BEAT) THE ROCK! See you in a few months.

Heat will be LIVE from the site of No Mercy (and also TV14 LDV, apparently.) At No Mercy, Edge vs Christian, Stacy vs Torrie, Chris Jericho vs the Rock and Steve Austin vs Rob Van Dam vs Kurt Angle. It will also be TV14 LDV. Later.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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