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I *guess* that could be 'CRZ'
Subject: crazy taxi...

Speaking of crazy taxi, there is a passenger in the game that you can pick up, a girl with orange afro-puffs... who is also wearing a T-shirt that says CRZ. Thought you might like to know...


I don't know...that could be ANYTHING...

Subject: (no subject)

ZIMMERMAN'S REFLEXIVE PROPERTY OF WCW: WCW doesn't suck because CRZ says it sucks; WCW sucks because WCW sucks.

Since you're now using higher math and sciences in your recaps, I thought you'd appriciate another little equation:

If a=b, and b=c, then a=c

Soooooooooooo....if Raw = War, and War = What is it good for? (Absolutely Nothing!), then:

RAW (hunh) What is it good for? Absolutely Nothing!

That should cure your (so-called) WWF bias!


That's some scary shit, my man.

Subject: ?

Why in your WWF reports do you type the exact dialogue of every single wrestler except The Rock?


Why bother? He says the SAME DAMN THING EVERY SHOW!

Subject: what steiner said

hey chris,
just a line or two to commend you on the fine job you do in recapping the crap that Nitro has become. I used to think they would bounce back and put together a program that had some trace amounts of something entertaining on it, but sadly that was a wish that appears not to be destined to come true. In scotty's little long winded interview last night he was muted for calling flair "butt-sucking", now to me that is not near as offensive as the word "bastard", and on that subject why was Funk muted when he said that during the Flair -Funk match? Just another glitch or something much darker? who knows? sadly that to me was the most memorable part of one of the worst Nitros i have ever seen.

russ mullins

Perhaps he was lisping it into a NAUGHTY word? (!)

Subject: In response to David Graner

It's a good thing I like your reports considering we all have guns to our head forcing us to read them. Keep up the good work.


Strange...this is the first time in several weeks David hasn't written me. Oh well. Maybe his gig was just to get printed. A lot of hatemail seems to be written specifically to see if I'll put it at the top of the next report...

Subject: Ladies

Just wanted to let you know I look forward to your Raw reviews every week. They are entertaining to say the least, but what is your problem with Stephanie and Lilian?

Stephanie's mic skills are no worse than anyone else's and it's cute watching her try to be a badgirl.

As for Lilian Garcia, well she's just flamin' hot!!! As far as I'm concerned she can take over Smackdown! as well. Those eyes, that voice, those legs! Like Jimmy Hart would say,"Beautiful, baby!"

See you Friday for your Smackdown! column.

Antonio Hall
The Ayatolla Of Rock-n-Rolla!

Can't they be cute AND silent?

Subject: steph's tits

You missed the single most important thing that happened on Nitro....Steph's tits are gone!

What the hell happened? She used to have a nice evil rack on her.

I don't even want to think about what I know we saw of Luna's. <shudder>


Maybe they forgot to pack them...or maybe they got lost on the flight to Tejas!

Subject: About WCW

I propose Scott Steiner should be called Big Poppa Pimp from now on, especially after his outfit on Nitro last night.


And then we can CALL HIS MOMMA!

Subject: Unintentional gay quote of the week.

"Edge spears Ass, then chops his crotch at him! " Save that one for the year in quotes for 2000.

Patrick M. Grady

Subject: NOTICE! I was impressed to notice last night that WWF put on the best RAW main I've EVER seen, and that they did it without all the porn.



Subject: Re: WCW report Quote

>>because CRZ says it sucks; WCW sucks because WCW sucks."
>>yeah, and I have some challenges for you! I challenge ya to get yerself
>>haircut.. and since you're a piece of crap, I challenge ya to flush yerself
>>down the camode(sp)!
>>If that WCW quote came from where I thought it did that'll make sense.. if
>>not.. well it won't! :)
>Alas, I have NO idea what you're talking about. It's an old math thing
>from college. ;-)

it's from the post Survivor Series 1997 RAW.. Steve Austinw as doing a victory speech over winning the IC belt and The Rock came out to challenge him (first confrontation between them ever) and after saying those lines about haircuts and the toilet.. then he says "and Rock, you don't suck 'cause these people say you suck. You suck because stone cold says so!"

just sounded similar

Shawn Mullin
ShawnWeb -

Subject: Zimmerman's Reflexive

I was hoping you'd reprise Stone Cold's classic line towards the Rock, so that Zimmerman's Reflexive would say "WCW doesn't suck because all these people say it sucks. WCW sucks because I say so!'

Brian Scala

It was weird, because I got these two almost EXACTLY at the same time. The Austin thing wasn't in my mind (except subliminally?) when I came up with that mathematical property, I promise.

Subject: Raw is Fun

Great recap (as usual) CRZ!

I actually got to watch the second hour of Raw as I sent the toddler out of the room to play with Mom and settled down to watch one of the most entertaining hours of TV ever.

I thought that main event was awesome. The action was so fast it was unbelievable and yet all of the action looked credible. Ten guys clicking on all cylinders and going full bore!!! (Memo to Vince McMahon: Thanks.) The great thing about WWF right now is McMahon is allowing midcarders to really shine. I was even popping for Scotty Too Hotty and Grand Master Sexy. Here they were in a main event. Malenko, Benoit and Saturn. Main event. Going toe-to-toe with the WWF's main eventers. Awesome!!!

Do you think the 5-on-5 was scheduled by McMahon to thumb his nose at Atlanta about his depth of talent or his ability to get over guys that were misused by WCW? Methinks a little of both.

It also shows that dispite killing in the ratings, the WWF is not coasting as I feared it would. (the Bischoff Error). Sure, not every show has been this hot, but it seems like even the off weeks have still been entertaining. Anyway, you're a very talented writer and the computer industry's gain has been journalism's loss.

Clyde Ford

Thanks! But don't say that around REAL journalists...they'd cringe and stuff

Subject: What is that all about?

Dear CRZ,

What is your problem man?? I read your nitro report and I'm not saying it your not a good writer but, that thing sucked. It was a good report factually but you sounded like some bitter old man. I mean your attempts at comedy were totally sorry. No one wants know about the commercials or your little smart ass remarks. Dude, if you'd really try to be serious in those reports instead of your smart ass outlook you'd have a great report.


Always nice to welcome a first-time reader with a screen name that BEGS me to take him seriously!

Subject: you get letters ...

The nWo (new Wheelchair order) breaking up? It's not like they have anyone healthy to fight the decision.

Remember your little rant about a year ago entitled "The interview game with DDP"? Close to the same game could be played with Scott Steiner: "Say three words, pause to try to remember what the next three words are, say those next three words. Can't remember what the next three words are, or did you mess them up? Then yell at some fat boy in the audience to draw attention away from your own screw-up and pick a random place to start over again. Try to convince the fans that steroids have not shrunken your genitalia back into your body by paying some strippers to say your name. Next, say the women in the area are ugly but invite them to your dressing room anyway. Finally, remove all doubt about your heel status by giving offensive gestures to the audience. Bonus points are given for mispronouncing words just like Scott Steiner."

BLACKMAN RULES! (and i'm not just saying that so you will post my letter ... well, maybe i am)


Don't worry, Dave - you had me at "The."

Subject: Scott Steiner

This man should do one of those public service announcements. Start with an english professor talkin about Shakespare. Voice over says, this is your brain...screen goes black and cuts to Scott Steiner in the ring cuttin a promo, this is your brain on steroids, any questions?


Subject: Re: CRZ RAW Report 08/02/00

Don't forget to start calling Viscera "the Shockmaster."

That slip of his his came gift-wrapped just for you I should think.

Some CRZ Mark


We're talking about *animated ba-zooms*.  What does that *say* about us? Subject: Head lights...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the very well endowed female character in the Sega DreamCast commercial, I thought it was me...first time sending e-mail to you, long time reader of your post, keep it up, funny stuff man....P.S. Jackie is very stacked too...DAMN.... Are those nipples I see.


I HOPE those are nipples, given I can't think of an alternative!

Subject: blue meanie

When is the wwf going to take the blue meanie seriously and start using him on a daily basis? Don't you think the wwf better start using Tazz, Angle, Malenko, Guerero, Saturn as contenders for the intercontinental championship?

Brad Currie

I think Jericho's got one more match with Hardcore Holly in him first.

Subject: Heels & Faces

Hey, is it just me or does it seem like wcw has there faces and heels messed up.

I mean the nwo (besides Jarett) Gets babyface heat until Scott Stiner starts to say how everyone is a bunch of overweight pigs.

And I think Sid AT BEST would make an OK midcard heel.

And It seems like there already trying to make Flair a heel. I mean who has brain damage that bad in the back that they would turn Flair after all the chants and cheers


Are you trying to make SENSE of WCW? THERE'S your problem!!


When is the WCW October pay-per-view for Las Vegas????

When is the WCW cruise this year????

Patty Pierson

1. In October!!!!

2. I don't know!!!!

Glad to help!!!!

Subject: RAW

What's up with the stupid as hell Henry/Young team up? That really has to be the sickest and most tasteless thing I've seen in Wrestling since I started watching it. How long is it expected to play out? Where is it going? Will the WWF wise up and get rid of it? Ugh, it's seriously disgusting.

Stan Korson

Subject: I want to know what he Says

I really like your Reports, the are so much better than NetCop cuz even though you may not like WCW all that much you at least give us the courtesy of making it funny unlike Netcop who all he does is bitch like a girl about everything he don't like. So in the regard I'll give you Props.

Now onto something that I think you have overlooked. You USE to write down everything that the Rock use to say, write down to the last syllable but now you only give us a summary, I don't really like the guy that much but I love his Stick work as should anyone. So I was wondering why do you not write it down any longer like before. It is really good and it's one of the reason why I use to come and read your reports so that I can laugh again at his comments and remarks. I'm not really a Rock fan I'm a fan of his stick skills.

So please go back to the old days when you use to write down everything he said. Other than that everything is excellent. If you see NetCop tell him to just deal with WCW and I'm glad that he wont Report Thunder anymore, he just needs to chill and stop being a girl and accept the fact that WCW sux or do something else. But that's all I want CRZ and I hope you can make it happen.

Gabe Kirk

Tell you what - when YOU write YOUR own report, YOU can transcribe who YOU want. If the Rock weren't boring me to tears I'd probably be more inclined to take down his every word but, sadly, he IS boring me so I CAN'T be bothered. If you want to relive his words, you're better off making a permanent tape. (Of course, you'll probably THEN realise that all his interviews really ARE the same!)

Subject: RAW Report


Congratulations, you were the ONLY Raw recapper on the 'net who didn't make some lame-ass joke about the Shockmaster when Viscera fell down. For that, I thank you.

Daron Hume

Hi, Daron. Have you met "Some CRZ mark?"

Subject: just a thought

You know when I seen them strip Booker T of the t, music, flames, and other stuff, that forgot one thing.....They forgot that he cant say suckah no more cause that belongs to harlem heat too...

Just a thought, Keep up the good work...

BTW I like the walking jokes


I liked the sucka joke!

Subject: Hmm...

The recaps rock! A question for you, though: Ever notice that Scaia's articles on Wrestleline have a certain "morph and bubble-up" quality to them? A different headline, a higher spot on the list. and before you know they're last week's news, you've clicked on 'em! I've only noticed this happening to Saia's articles--not yours, not Samuda's, etc. How about a name for this phenomenon? The Ed Leslie effect, maybe? Let me know what you think.

CRZ rules, the rest...uh, don't. Peace!


Hey, normally I have to talk TO TheHand, instead of the other way round! As for Scaia's stuff, you can't blame Scaia for WrestleLine's bizarro link movement. I find it's best to just stick to the WrestleManiacs page, where they seem to stay newest on top, oldest on bottom.

Subject: Scott Stiener's Nitro speech.

Hey. This is sort of useless info. But, I just thought I would pass along that for those of us at Nitro having to actually sit through Steiner's worthless speech (without being able to switch the channel to Stone Cold) Anyway Steiner called Flair ass-kissing and butt-sucking. Just thought you'd want that lovely (snicker) information. Since you didn't know what he said. I'm sure it was all muted on TV.

Thanks for your time,
Matt Crews

You are correct, sir! Mute mute mute.

Subject: Nitro Recap

Hey Chris, this isn't a flame, just a little constructive criticism that will help you out a bit....

I couldnt agree more with you - I *hate* WCW because it flat out sucks. However, besides being 10 pages long, your article never actually included anything other than sarcastic remarks and pointless details. As a reminder, this is a Nitro RECAP, not a rant/bitch session (Perhaps you should rename the column?). I would have actually liked to know who won these matches, not which commerical they showed 37 minutes and 51 seconds into the show. Ok, Im done now. :) I look forward to better writings in the future...


I'm PRETTY sure I included the names of EVERY winner of EVERY match. If I didn't, please let me know and I'll fix that.

Subject: Those Damn Dudleyz

Two ponderings I've had:

Why was the Slam of the Week actually from TWO WEEKS ago? And it wasn't even a good slam. I thought Viscera slipping on the spilled beer would be a better slam of the week.

Also, I would've liked to see B.B. powerbombed through that table. Maybe they could've killed off her worthless character the same way that ER's Kellee Martin's worthless character is being killed off.

That's damn good television, I think...


Well, see, Viscera's slip was a SHOOT, so we can never see it on TV again.

Subject: A Theory about Steve Blackman


While on a business trip this week, I drove through the town of Annville, PA, which as you know is the home of Steve Blackman. Suffice it to say I feel that if more people actually saw how middle-of-nowhere this place is they'd understand Mr. Blackman's lack of enthusiasm about having a gimmick. If towns were wrestlers, Annville would be the guy who is 5 foot 7, 100 pounds, has no intro music and is facing a brutal squash.

Don't get me wrong, I like Blackman as much as you do (and if you get a vidcap of him in bunny ears I want to see it!), but after seeing his plain hometown I understand his plain fighting style. I also understand fully why he so quickly accepted the ho's when the Godfather offered them to him.

Frank Doosey

Always nice to end a letters page with a little something about Steve Blackman You Might Not Have Known. Hey, the Letters Page is SPORTSCENTER! YAHOO!


Christopher Robin Zimmerman
[slash] wrestling


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Copyright (C) 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications