I Get Letters
Well, i just got back from watching Monday Nitro in Long Island. Boy did it suck. I went because it was supposed to be teh Nitro of the year and it just so happened to almost coincide with my best friend's birthday. He is a casual wrestling fan--the type who thinks Kevin Nash is a better wrestler than Kidman. So, I spent $85 for floor seats to see this show (that includes a ticketmaster surcharge) The guys next to us went to the box office 20 minutes before the show and got the same quality seats, but how would I know tickets would be so available. So the show started and the pyro was so fucking loud that I thought my ear would burst (we happened to be right next to the pyro). Next year I am going to medical school and if I can't distinguish between different heart murmers due to ear damage cause by the pyro, I will sue Time Warner for a lot of money. So anyway, my friend and I moved to another location and we watched a show that was so boring I wanted to cry. All I thought was that with $85 I could have gotten 4 lap dances at scores. The number of people there wasn't that bad. Nowhere near what the WWF could do, but better than I expected. But aside from that, everything was awful. There was one mathc where Vampiro abandoned Kidman in the middle of a match and everyone was ultra-confused. There were two matches that ended in like two seconds. With the Tank Abbot match, I think I blinked and it was over. There was a huge "boring" chant during the Terry Funk match. The only thing I got genuinly excited over was Hogan's match. Man does Hogan get pops or what? I'd say he gets the kind of crowd heat the Rock usually gets. I noticed at least 4 signs stating something to the effect "watch the USA dog show" which I found amusing. And I also expected James Brown, whom my best friend is a big fan of. But of course those WCW bastards lied to us. After that I didn't even stay for the main event, I was just too pissed off. After Hogan's match, practically the whole crowd left, except the floor. So, I spent $85 plus transportation to go home bored and disappointed. My friend, the casual wrestling fan, also noted that everyone is like a senior citizen in WCW. He's right you know. The only good thing is that I realized that I'll never pay money to see this show again.
Well, it's 1:45 and I'm rambling, but I do have a point to this. Kudos to you--you watch this show every week and write about it. That takes a hell of a lot of commitment. More than I have. Good job, CRZ.
Subject: The Edge?
LATE WORD: It sounds like I might be on The Edge <http://www.emzee.com/edge/> again on Thursday. This time I want some calls and letters! Yeah!
Shouldn't Val Venis' sister be on "The Edge" instead of you?
Yuk yuk yuk!
Subject: Do the Right Thing????
I don't know if you've heard Scott's semi-pathetic plea...but he said in his retro-rant for Superbrawl VII that he'd really appreciate it if you'd give up your Smackdown recaps and let him recap a DECENT show...honestly, I enjoy Scott's recapping style, and I'd enjoy seeing it applied to a show that DOESN'T suck...I think a lot of people would as well...this isn't a dis to you, this is just respect for Scott...Do the right thing, big guy! After all, hasn't Scott suffered enough?
Dartmouth Dan Doomsday
I'm a student at the University of Florida, and I just found out that Nitro will be here on March 20. Just wondering if you think it would be worth my time to go. I was also wondering if you know anything more about the WCW-Russo situation. Thanks
I'd go if it were free, but anything more...I'd skip it. I mean, is there anything airing on Nitro NOW that you would want to see live?
Subject: I JUST MISSED YOU!
I am the Sports Producer at KNTV. I was reading your Raw Report (2/14) on Wrestleline and saw that you mentioned that our station was there. Had I known you were sitting a few rows behind me, I would have come up to you and said, "HI." We did a story for our 6pm newscast on the proverbial popularity of the WWF. Adam let us interview Tazz, Mark Henry and your favorite, Lillian Garcia. Tazz was a pretty good interview. Adam was going to let us interview Foley, Jericho and the Rock, but my crew met me at the Arena late. By the time they got there, most of the guys were in production meetings. Then for our 11pm newscast, we just did the proverbial "crazy fans" story. Just thought I'd drop you a line after seeing our name in lights. Keep up the good work.
Subject: NITRO recap...
Geez, give me MORE segments with these guys. PLEASE. IT'S SO FUCKING ENTERTAINING.
Hey, how did THAT make it past the FRICKING censor?
Robert C. Biggs
My producers seem pretty lazy of late...
Subject: Lilian Garcia- 2/14 RAW recap
At least someone agrees with me on Lilian. I was at the house show in Denver on Friday- While I was in the back, her voice just didn't carry very well... but she impressed me with her national anthem.
She definitely needs to be replaced. She may have the look WWF is looking for, but at the end of the night, after a main event, do you want to hear, "Your winners, DX!" or the Fink's style- "Here are your winnerrrrrrrs, Deeeeeeee-generationnnnnnn Exxxxxxxxx!"
Someone needs to do something about the way she announces "Eddie GurrerAH" I think we need to shine her mic up real nice... :)
Subject: Nitro Recap
I am dropping you a line on your recaps of Nitro. Stop doing them. Before I read your recaps, I had learned as had many others, to totally forget about Nitro. But, because your writing is so damn funny, I want to watch the crap WCW passes off as wrestling, so when I read your shit , it is even funnier. I am a Marine and I read you column at work, all my coworkers think I am a little bitch because I giggle like a little school girl when I read your column. Also, you need to talk to the guy who does the ECW recap and teach him the difference between irreverent, sarcastic humor and being a pessimistic little tampon. In conclusion, I want to stick my head back in the proverbial sand so stop writing about Nitro, or at least pull a Sullivan and start screwing shit up.
Subject: I heard....
I heard that originally when they were bringing in Taz(z) that he was originally supposed to portray Mark and Mae's love child . Is this true ?
I'm kidding of course, but the thought occured to me and thought you might enjoy the foolishness of it.
Or not. Shawn Colton
I guess this was funnier before I forced you to take it to the EmZee Delphi forum, huh? :)
Subject: Suggestion for a big T nickname
Here's a little suggestion for you for a nick hame for the former Ahmed. Ahmedullah the butcher. With those trunks and that giant gut he's reallly starting to like like Abdullah.
You know, I was thinking about Dustin Rhodes today, oddly enough. He used to be Golddust, then he was Seven in WCW, so why not call him Sevendust in your Nitro recaps? Just thought it was kinda funny and that it was worth sharing.
Subject: A brief WCW Thought
You have Big T who is really a guy that is only big around the waist.
Then you have Big Al. How creative is that?
When they decided to put an adjective in front of Vito they figured, hmmm, let's just use "Big" since he is taller than six feet.
One of the Harris Brothers aka Ratings Death is called Big Ron.
Every time they describe Sid the word they use is "big" so obviously if you can say the word big you can have a job in WCW.
Here's a nickname for the guys who came up with these names: BIG LOSER!
Yeah I know that was not creative but it's probably enough to get a job with WCW. Either that or I can be a drunk like Scott Hall and headline a PPV. I'm sure Turner is proud, oh check that, I'm sure "Big" Turner is proud.
Smell ya later,
Tank Abbott vs. Big Al? Man, that is a feud that has been simmering so long, with so many breathtaking swerves and unexpected angles, it just begs for a PPV payoff. Part of me will be sorry to see this one end, but the other part of me marvels at how masterfully WCW has built and then sustained the tension. The crowd is clearly on pins and needles, waiting to see whether or not Big Al can follow through on his promise to defeat Abbott. Kudos, WCW. Smell the buyrate.
Subject: Your Worldwide Recapper and his (very small) encounter with Tony Chimel
Hey, I was at the WWF show at MSG last summer. After the show, me and a
couple of my friends (the other members of THIRD RATE BAND) came down from
the upper deck (late tix, we missed Y2J's opening speech) and we were
checking out the ring, seeing how big it was. So we see Tony Chimel and some
of the nameless refs (you know their names, I dont even bother). I'm like
"Hey, you think I should scream at Tony?"
So I wail out at the top of my lungs "HEY TONY! YOU RULE MAN!!!!" He actually waved back to me. I felt honored. My first encounter with a WWF Superstar.
Of course, he probably forgot who the hell was screaming at him that day. But I'll always remember that fond moment.
Hey, I should get mentioned in your next Emzee colum becaused I have *connections*. Hee hee. Just kidding.
Keep it Real in da Y2G s0n!
Subject: Year in Quotes
Dear Mr. Zimmerman,
Thank you for the excellent "Year In Quotes" feature. I tried to read it on the monitor, but my eyes started to hurt, so I printed it up. Unfortunately, I failed to recognize how large the file would be if printed up and hogged the printer at the law firm I work at for several key minutes. I say key minutes in the sense that an attorney was printing something up at the same time and I beat him to the printer. Well, I beat him to the printer electronically. Whereas he was physically waiting for me when I got to the printer. (Literally waiting, as Tony Shiavone would say.) Before he had a chance to speak, I immediately went about how the firm was about to get involved in the WCW/WWF lawsuit, and this just might be the legal document we need to nail it shut. He seemed impressed, muttered something about there being big money in wrestling these days and went back to patiently waiting for his print-out.
I want to swear to god that's a true story, but I'm an atheist and am unable to.
Subject: hogan rules
You know something brother!?! I am sick and tired of the Hogan bashing brother. Hogan made professional wrestling and he is bring WCW out of the gutter. You see Hogan is everything that is good with professional wrestling. CRZ WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HOGAN AND THE NITRO RATINGS RUN WILD ON YOU! I swear they are going up because of him!
This just in - Nitro loses AGAIN
Subject: The Year in Quotes
No offense, as I love your weekly columns and have basically no gripes with anything you do, (and this is coming from someone who really hates Scaia in a lot of aspects, and he goes out of his way to be on everyone's good side) but I doubt the people who go to WrestleLine have the time or care enough to go through that ridiculous procession of quotes. I started, but then I realized there had to have been hundreds of quotes, and a lot of them weren't funny at all. It's a good idea, but next year, CONDENSE. A collection of the funniest quotes on one page, maybe 30-50, would keep people's attention and be consistently funny. It's too late to change the format for the 1999 quotes, but having so many quotes was a very bad idea.
Check out the big *24 PART* Year in Quotes - ONLY ON WRESTLELINE! Seriously though, don't feel you HAVE to read the entire thing in one sitting - it'll be around ALL YEAR on my site!
Subject: THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MMAN IN SPORTS INTERTAINMENT
To the ROCK I think that you are the best wrestler in sports intertainment today and your mic skills are very good and I would like for you to write me back at (deleted) @webtv.net
Yeah, I'll pass that one. I'm sure he'll be writing to you TOMORROW! If not SOONER! WebTV....WebTV...WebTV.....
Subject: Head Cheese
You know, the Head Cheese Gimmick isn't as new as you think.
You video game players are SUCH spoil sports!
Subject: Not a Rock fan? Me neither.
Rock marks are like pockmarks: annoying as hell, but inevitable.
Edward Kenneth Simpson
I just wanted to comliment you on your apperance on The Edge. You already know it, but you are better than the Netcop on the air. You should be so proud. But why do you get Nova, a man who opens up ECW PPVs, and the Netcop gets Dibiase, a man who headlined WrestleMania?
Don't put this in I Get Letters, because I don't read it. I'm not looking for my name in print. Actually put it in there and change my name to Shawn Chanin.
Scott's got the post-PPV slot (so that means, what, EVERY Monday?) where I'm just a fill-in and part of the rotating EmZee crew...I think. If you REALLY like it, you might also want to tell Greg Dillard over at the EDGE...
Subject: CRZ Signs at Arco
Hey, man, where were you at the Arco Arena? You didn't see the signs? I just happened to be seated by two guys who had signs very similar to mine in that they all said "CRZ"! We were on camera for the whole show and you didn't see them? They were huge! If we'd have known you were there, we would have said hi. Well, if you can find them, look for the signs in the second half of the first hour. Look for a bald guy and a guy with long blond hair (me) holding signs proclaiming who our favorite Internet columnist is.
And yeah, he did pose for a while after the show. Needless to say, all the people near me were very disappointed that with all the people at SuperBrawl (Piper and Sting, exactly), no one came out on this show to help Hogan or Vicious!
Maybe I was just half-asleep while writing the report, but I SWEAR I never saw any signs like this... (I had one, but never was on camera long enough to bother with pulling it out)
Subject: James Brown "turning" heel?
You ever read over James Brown's criminal record? I'd hardly call him a "face." And getting his blessing for anything even remotely connected to physical violence (like WCW, hah!) is not exactly a face endorsement, you know what I'm saying? ;)
Ever hear that Dead Milkmen song "Wifebeater?" That's what I'm talking about. ;)
You know....you have a point.
I gotta say, I really do like your recaps, I just wish you'd go easier on the Rock. I mean, Jericho says, "Welcome to (RAW or Location, depending on which show he's on) is Jericho," but I don't see you jumping all over him...
Anyway, I was playing around with your [slash] search, and I discovered some rather interesting tidbits (now, the phrase is what I typed into the search, and after the dash is the # of items found by the search):
fuck - 281 Hmmm, seems a little low... especially considering all those slur- happy columnists (and letter writers) of yours
fucking not fuck - 113 Oh, I see. Some used it that way instead.
a - 1632 Don't really know why I searched for that...
gorilla - 86 With me, it naturally came after "a," but I forget why... Hey, isn't 86 a lot of gorillas? Oh, wait, Gorilla Monsoon. Duh. Boy, is my face red.
peepee - 8 Can't imagine why you wrote "peepee"... Or why I searched for it.
walking - 475 I gotta say, thassalot. WALKING: it's the Dick Clark of wrestling jokes!
~! - 0 Whew. No Rantsylvania-type tilde-exclamation BS here.
tejas - 88 What ever happened to Texas?
texas - 145 Never mind.
romergency - 0 Don't ask me why I searched for it... I'm just glad nothing turned up.
fart - 14 Heh heh heh. Fart.
fat mark madden - 30 No explanation needed.
I just thought you'd like to know that your new search feature is being put to good use. Oh, and I think I figured out the "peepee" thing:
"Choppy-choppy yo' peepee!"
LETTER OF THE WEEK!! :)
Subject: Lodi/Idol signs.
Last sign *I* recall Lodi/Idol carrying was the one that said, "THIS GIMMICK SUCKS." Could be that has something to do with the continuing lack of signage. By the way, Lodi got over with me (wow, already regret my phrasing-- and it's not even before the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of CRZ's fans-- not *YET!*) by carrying signs that referred to himself in the third person.
It may even be some sort of rule of thumb in the Science of Getting Over: Third person references are cheap, yet quality, heat.
CRZ agrees with you!
To kill some time, I was screwing around with the Babelfish and decided to use everybody's favorite catchphrase: ahhhhhtheCHOKESLAM!
The subject heading is the result of an English to German (ahhhhhDERDROSSELKLAPPEKNALL!!!!!!) back to English translation. It sounds like the Japanese name for armbar.
English, French (ahhhhhLECLAQUEMENTDEBOBINE!!!!!), English yielded: ahhhhhTHESLAPPINGOFREEL!!!!! Cannes reference perchance?
English, Italian (ahhhhhLOSLAMDELLABOBINAD'ARRESTO!!!!!), English resulted in: ahhhhhTHESLAMOFTHECOILOFARREST!!!!! Another would be Japanese wrestling move, this one is likely a "full arm drag and twist".
English, Spanish (ahhhhhELGOLPEDELAESTRANGULACIÓN!!!!!), English became: ahhhhhTHEBLOWOFTHETHROTTLING!!!!! Japanese for "Blatant chokehold"
English, Portugese (ahhhhhOSLAMDOBLOQUEADOR), English turned out to mean: ahhhhhTHESLAMOFTHECHOKE!!!!!
AHHHHHTHEBUTTERFLYVALVEBANG! Who said the Germans don't have a sense of humor?
RUNNER-UP LETTER OF THE WEEK! :) If you've ever been to otherarena.com, you might have seen Jeff Amdur do this with the Rock's speech - it's HILARIOUS.
Subject: CRZ on camera at Superbrawl???
While watching a copy of Superbrawl and I think I spotted you in the stands before the Hogan-Luger match. As Hogan makes his way down the aisle, the camera is focuses on a "Hulkamania Rules" sign then moves slightly to the right (your left) and in the background is a long haired Cousin Itt like person giving some sort of salute to the camera. I actually rewinded the tape several times to make sure that was you. Anyway, CRZ, you can't deny it! You were at Superbrawl! And you part of the thousands...and THOUSANDS of people sitting on their hands for 2 hours and 50 minutes of pay per view time. Also, you appearances on The Edge have been entertaining and worth listening to. I thought the Giant "AHHHHHHHHHCHOKESLAMMMMM" bit was fucking hilarious. It's stupid shit like that that I really get a kick out of.
I've often wondered why WrestleLine didn't have a regular audio feature...maybe they just never knew they had somebody on staff who had it in him? On the other hand, perhaps my "radio" ability is being sorely exaggarated? On the OTHER other hand, I'm AT LEAST as good as ... say ... MARK MADDEN ;)
Subject: (no subject)
Do you know when Vince is coming back to the WWF? What's going on with Ken Shamrock and the Undertaker?
Nope, UFC, and waiting out an injury
Subject: Edge and Angle intros...
The Rob says...
For the Rob...I just might do this down the road. We'll see...
Subject: Is it just me, or ... ?
Staying underneath the EntertainmentTron and showing off his brand new shirt, Rock soaks in the chant. "Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK to Atlanta!" H: "Whoopity-doo!" Rock says there's a pattern here - every week he comes out and runs his mouth. Here's his imitation of Triple H for the people: "Tonigh-tuh...I am the Ga-muh...and in this very Ri-nguhhh...for the next twenty minute-suhhhh...I'm going to be talk-inguhhh..and saying absolutely NOTHINGUHHH..." Or was that his James Brown impersonation? Rock *continues* to talk loud and say nothing, threatening to unleash the People's Vomit on him.
Am I the only one to notice that HHH's speech pattern is vaguely-almost uncomfortably-like that of an old-time tent revival preacher? It's a rhythmic, almost hypnotic vocal style (or should I say sty-luh). :-)
Subject: Hit 300000!
Holy crap! That was ME! I wasn't sure at first 'cause there are 3k people in this company, and at least a couple are wrasslin' fans, but I doublechecked and that is my IP address. Woohoo!
Wow, you're the first one to own up to a milestone. Cool! (Of course, we all know you were just checking to see if I'd put your Heat recap up yet!)
if you haven't already done so, i think you should call chris benoit Crispin Wa...that's sure fire comedy my friend.....
You are mistaken.
Subject: The ending to the 8 man tag match.
You wrote in your recap for the 2/21 Raw -
Jeff hits a senton bomb and covers - 1, 2, he's pulled off COMPLETELY, Hebner counts 3 anyway. (8:15) Oh, give me a BREAK. Don't get SO sloppy that you screw the whole thing with the ending. Ahhhh!! For an encore, they go ahead and give us a replay. SHEESH. That ending...REALLY blew chunks. How stupid is the audience expected to be?
The way I saw it, when Jeff got pulled off, Edge jumped in and Hebner, the 20/20 man himself kept counting because he saw blond hair. Get it! Jeff and Edge both have blond hair, at least that's how I saw it.
Nicholas C Miller
I don't know - I think you're being REALLY charitable there...
Subject: Raw recap not on Wrestlemaniacs?
Why would Wrestline use your Raw report as their top story yesterday, and not post it on Wrestlemaniacs? Seems to me they did the same to OO last week...
As I said, they're slipping lately. They need to be kept in check with FREQUENT emails to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Subject: Hey Yo
It figures you are a Kraftwerk fan, that basically sums up your hideous opinions.
I don't even KNOW what that means!
Subject: your can helping men
my Frend said you are a big wresling on this internet. your helping me. is true that you can downlod a wresling on this internet? thank you vary much for this helping me. testmeat
ººº Wenn Sie Geruch, was der Felsen kocht ººº
Ummm....? I'm guessing German is your first language, but that doesn't help EITHER of us..
When will Vince and Shane return to the WWF? Did Chyna and Triple H break up? Why would they want everyone to believe Triple H and Stephanie are together?
Subject: hey wcw question
hey whats the news on goldberg. i strongly believe that goldberg is wcw's only chance to win back ratings. goldberg even gets me out of m y seat. so you know anything?
It'll still be many weeks before his arm injury heals, sadly. Sad to think that a WRITER caused him to be out...
Subject: <no subject>
Just a thought.
Thanks for the articles,
That name HURTS.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Letters from a fortnight ago