I Get Letters
If you do NOT want your letter published, please let me know when you write me. I'll never knowingly print a letter that the author doesn't want printed.
I've receieved a lot of requests for people wanting to contribute, and that's great. For some reason, EVERYBODY wants to do a THUNDER! report, and I don't know why. ;-) If you want to recap a show, I promise to get to you, but for now I've booked up the next few weeks. Don't let that stop you if you want to contribute, however! Just let me know!
I'm thinking of putting up more than one report for each show - would you read more than one recap? I expect that within a month or two, I'll be able to extend some permanent offers (listen to me - nobody makes any money off this but I act like it's a REAL JOB) to recappers. Or I'll just stick with rotating guest columnists. I know it's hard to burn out when you only have to produce one recap a month...
I don't plan on taking any Mondays off for guest columnists...but if Nitro continues to blow chunks I may back off on that promise. ;-) Obviously while I'm still writing for WrestleLie, you'll keep seeing new material on Tuesdays.
Please PLEASE give me feedback on the guest columns that appear here. Was it worth your time? Do you want to read more from them? Or can they not suck any more?
With all that said, let's get to the letters!
When I read about all of the troubles you and the gang are having at WrestleLine, it reminds me of Wayne's World, the movie. You remember when Rob Lowe made Wayne and Garth the toast of the town, offered them a show on a major network in Primetime, but the only thing is Wayne and Garth had to water down their product, and they always had to have that arcade sponsor on. It wasn't "Wayne's World," it was "Wayne's World, brought to you by..." and their theme song became a campy joke rather than their own. Then once Wayne trashed the arcade owner (Brian Doyle-Murray), Lowe fired Wayne and kept the rights to the show. I'm just drawing parallels here...
Oh no, you think I'm Garth, don't you? - CRZ
Subject: Recap notes
Excellent posts as usual, however a couple of questions...
1. You have Road Wild in Sturgis as being on August 11 (Wednesday) is that right?
2. Is Lawler legally allowed to be on RAW without giving equal time to other mayoral opponents?
3. Why does Nitro use the phrase DONT MISS A MINUTE and then take FRICKIN' AD BREAKS during the matches?
1. WCW.com says it's Saturday the 14th. So I must have mistyped. I like Saturday PPV's by the way.
2. If I understand the rules, cable networks aren't subject to equal time regulations as local VHF/UHF affiliates are. That's a wild guess.
3. THIS IS WCW! - CRZ
I just wanted to write to you to express my opinions on wcw. I used to be a huge wcw fan, and for the last 4 or 5 months I watched them go into one of the biggest downhill slides since the denver nuggets. I had actually though about not watching wcw anymore untill they showed that they could come up with better angles, and more interesting storylines. I feel that last night was the new beginning for wcw (ratings wise). with hogan being brought back, this will only lead to feuds with nash, hart(when he comes back, and he definitely will) and somewhere down the road, Goldberg. This is what the audience wants to see. Nobody cares about david flair, or rick steiner, or even the triad. why are these losers on the ppv's. What people want to see is Hogan wrestling in the big matches vs. top name contenders. With Hogan holding the title, it signifies wcw the beginning of the upside towards becpming a competitior vs. the wwf.
Subject: Kidman on Nitro.
I'm not so sure that whole thing with Kidman's botched SSP wasn't a work. When it happened, yes, it looked like he fucked up badly, but on the replay you could see he hit the ropes with his mid-thighs, and then when he landed he was holding his stomach instead. He's done that move enought that I frankly can't see how he could fuck it up that badly without trying to. Besides, doesn't he usually go straight out instead of sideways? It could be real, but after seeing the replay, I'm leaning towards work. I didn't tape it, though, so I can't go back and watch it again. Did Regal really put himself in the cradle? If he did, he's damn good, because I thought Kidman pulled it off.
Jason M. Laughman
I still contend it was an improvised finish and Kidman seriously mis-aimed. I wouldn't stake my LIFE on it or anything, though. - CRZ
Subject: application to book Nitro
Hello my name is (insert name) and I am 40 + (number) years old. I would like to book your program.
As head booker, I will job (cruiserweight),(cruiserweight), (friendless maineventer),or (cruiserweight) to job to (friend 1),(friend 2), or (friend 3).
Should a (cruiserweight/friendless main eventer) get angry, I will make it appear he is about to defeat (friend 1,2, or 3) however (one of the other two friends) will interfere. Should (cruiserweight/friendless main eventer) actually win a title, then the next evening he will lose it to (friend, must rhyme with "Mogan") or someday possibly (friendless maineventer grieving for dead brother) or (talentless son of aging main eventer). Should (cruiserweight/friendless main eventer) contract expire, I will skip out on my meeting with him and job him until he arrives in (rival promotion). When his contract expires, I will beg (insert company owner) until he decides to fund said wrestler, who of course would now be a star.
I will hire the following stars to appear at my main events: (talk show host), (controversial sports star), (talk show hosts sidekick), (contoversial sports star rival), (rapper), (washed up metal band) and make the (a) worst (b) second worst (c) third worst pay per view of all time.
I will reveal the outcome of (rival promotions) main events no less than (number) times a month, causing (number.decimal number) viewers to change the channel.
I will offer (rival promotion bimbo) (number) dollars to appear on my program, (number) more dollars a year than (jewish maineventer) or (the next shawn michaels).
I will criticize (rival promotion) (number) times a week only to find myself a hypocrite over and over again, causing (wisecracking wrestling reporter) to mock my promotion and rightfully so on a frequent basis.
(4 year old) could do a better job booking than I will.
Subject: NWO Red & Black???
NWO red and Black - who is in it???
Hogan keeps mentioning it.....
Sting is out...
Gonnad is out..
Nash is out.... er... I think??
NWO Black and White - why are they still together?
Who do they follow?
What is going on here?
Torrie and Nash and David Flair - connection? explanation? plot hole???
Disco and the Cat on a pay per view?????
David Flair with a belt?
I give up - you can keep your Nitro reports, my brain hurts.
Subject: RAW report stuff
First off, I want to say what a great job you do on your Raw and Nitro reports. I'm invariably more entertained by your write-ups than I am by the shows themselves. Keep up the good work!
I wanted to e-mail you about a couple of things in the Raw report this week.
First off, you mentioned that Val Venis hit "something" during the Hardys vs. the Powers of Sex tag title match... I'm assuming you're referring to that weird powerbomb variant he did. IIRC, that move is called "Blue Thunder"... the only other wrestler I've seen perform it is a guy named Jun Akiyama, a younger worker in the All Japan promotion... though I'm sure there are many others who've done this move.
The other thing is you mentioned how Tracy Smothers appeared in that one shot, which we noticed too. By your comment about that being his Raw debut, I assume that Freddy Joe Floyd (his old WWF shtick) never made it to Raw? I have to figure you're right, since I think Floyd was about when Superstars was actually a wrestling show rather than the second recap show for the WWF week.
Mamono Hunter Steven Kinne
Well, okay. Ferdie Joe Floyd and Tracy Smothers ARE the same person so I shouldn't act like they aren't. I goofed. Good call. - CRZ
Just a (friendly) critique. PLEASE don't take this the wrong way.
WHY does your column on Raw need to be so long? It's ENDLESS! I personally don't want to be reading online for that long. There is too much stuff that I don't want to read! Like:
The JVCKaboom!box Kaboom! of the week is the Undertaker's chair shot last week on RAW, busting the forehead of the Big Show wide open.
I mean...who needs that? As well, is an entire play-by-play of the match necessary? I'm a new reader to Wrestleline, and really love it. It's the only really good daily site for wrestling. But I just am finding that the point of a Raw recap, is to get the giste of the storyline, and some additional insight. I'm not gonna print it up to read it. It would be about 10 pages (I estimate!).
What do you think?
Just my opinion, and keep up the overall good work....
Jon, since you're on WrestleLine, you'll never read this, but my exhausting reviews are actually just exhaustIVE. If you've missed the show, you'll at least FEEL like you've seen it. I try to get everything because really deep down I'm anal. Or something. Most people develop some sort of skimming technique, I've heard. - CRZ
Hey man. Your column kicks ass, and I just thought I'd give you a little info about Deezer D. He's a black actor that was in a few low budget black comedies such as " CB4" and the immortal classic " Fear of a Black Hat." Both movies were about fictional rap groups if you can believe that. I'm still laughing about him getting a job on ER.
I loved them movies. I saw "CB4" in a black theatre and it was three times as funny because of it. Does that make me a racist? - CRZ
Subject: Did you catch...
...the Bill Watts reference?
While Bischoff was going through an inane tirade toward Ric Flair, he offered up something like, "Just like when Bill Watts was in charge, what did he do? He tried to ram his kid down our throats, too." This, of course, was part of the lame-ass attempt on Bischoff's part to portray Flair as the reason WCW has blown harder than a Times Square hooker over the past few years. See, he's going all-out to make us "smart" fans like him, y'know? After all, who else would get that "Bill Watts" reference? And does he realize just how pathetic that shit makes him sound? Every time Unca Eric tries to plant his lips on the behinds of the "smarks" and start making hickeys, I keep hoping that we'll hear a "crack" sound ring out over the arena, followed by two hours of WCW airing the Turner equivalent of the Zapruder film. That's mean of me, I know, but I feel justified somehow....
Great recap, by the way, as usual.
Subject: designated jobber
I'm sure with madusa and ms madness there won't even have to be a rape……all you have to do is throw a hershey bar on their bed.
I almost cried when hogan won that match. I suppose that savage is around just to job off a belt to hogan. The one time you want a screwjob ending you don't get it. Typical wcw.
This is what douglas wants to get into? Better off feuding with austin in the wwf.
The bounty is back on bitchoff's head I see.
Subject: Countdown to the Millenium
Hey CRZ, Just wanted to let you know that going by the number of hours left on the counter last night it appears that this is a disguised countdown to Jericho. it countdowns to the first live Raw after Chris' WWF contract begins.
Thanks! But why did you have to tell SCHERER too? ;-) - CRZ
Subject: double d
Ok, don't think I can't spot a rhetorical question when I see one, but I'm going to tell you who Deezer D is (at least a little).
Anyway, Deezer D is an actor on ER. No crap. But that's not his most memorable role. No sir. Mr. D had the honor of portraying a member of the Iceman's crew in the timeless classic, "Cool As Ice."
If you haven't seen it, check it out. Then you'll know who Deezer D is. Not to mention you'll have seen the GREATEST camp classic ever made. Don't let MTV think for you, it's great.
This leads me into my next point (if you've even read THIS far), that Vanilla Ice is being GROSSLY overlooked by the wrestling world. Let's look at the Iceman's credentials:
1) INSTANT heel heat - who doesn't hate this guy (besides me)?
2) he's actually getting a pretty sizeable following among the teenage pseudo-metal crowd, which I'd imagine is pretty pro-WWF, too.
3) The man's got charisma, plain and simple. No two ways about it. Listen to any interview with him. His stage presence is unreal, too. Even my wife agreed, and she HATES the man.
4) He's into motocross and jetskiing, so I'M SURE he'd be willing to take a bump. Plus I saw him do a senton on stage. Ok, so it was just a forward flip onto his back. I marked out regardless.
5) He's gotta be better than Master P, and I'm sure he wouldn't cost half as much to sign.
He could be a manager, which comes to the other point I won't really go into - PG-13 was totally misused by WWF and could be so over with Vanilla at the helm. The ultimate "love to hate" combination. So what if PG isn't around anymore (or are they?).
Ok, so that's my two cents. And you probably still don't know who Deezer D is. And if you still doubt what Vanilla could do, checkout out www.thegym.net/iwl, and keep any negative comments about efeds to youself.
This is actually a pretty good idea. Watching Ice's "Behind the Music" and seeing him demolish an MTV set (and scare the shit out of Chris Kattan, Jon Stewart, Denis Leary & Janeane Garafelo in the process), it seems like he'd be PERFECT. The man has some anger issues. - CRZ
Subject: Raw in Louisville
What's Up CRZ! Hey just thought I'd relay a little side note about Raw in Louisville. I've never seen so many girls show thier fucking tits. Even the referee in the main event ( I can't recall his name) got into the act by getting up on the second turnbuckle and motioning for a particular set of girls to flash again. These events, unfortunately while the camera was off, got bigger pops than almost all the matches!
This isn't the first email I've gotten about Earl Hebner's exhibitionist fetish. HE'S THE LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE!! - CRZ
Do you know if kane was the same person on raw last night? When standing next to the undertaker he looked slightly shorter rather than slightly taller. also, it appears if it is the same person he shaved. please let me know.thanks
I'm pretty sure it's the same guy. ;-) Yeah, he definitely shaved. I forgot to mention, but DAMN he looks downright SVELTE standing next to the Undertaker! This probably says more about UT's buffet busting than Kane's conditioning, however... - CRZ
Subject: Tracy Smothers on RAW
Not to be a pest, but didn't Tracy wrestle as "Freddie Jow Floyd" on a RAW about two years ago, in which case last night wasn't exactly his debut...
All right, all right... - CRZ
Subject: Not so Mournful Monday Musings
God Damn. "Big Poochie" is the right phrase. The fucking match CAN'T be over until he sticks his ass in the middle of it. His interference is SO out of left field that it ticks me off and I don't even dislike the poochster. (I mean, I like his interviews especially when he's a heel. He (apparently) sucks as a booker. He wrestles ok when he has an opponent that can carry him)
I didn't realize just how hard I was marking out for Savage until Hogan won. I'da yelled so loud I'd still be hoarse if Savage won via pinfall. Even with the bullshit Hogan win the match was good enough that I was only annoyed that Hogan won.
ok, the mysterious point. I think WCW intentionally started a new direction with this show. Back to Basics. Many oddball angles from recent weeks (Lodi/Lenny, hummer) vanished. Wrestlers were calling each other out for wrestling reasons. The quest for the title was the primary angle. Sure the EXECUTION of this Back to Basics approach was flawed tonight but they (other than Hogan getting the title with that bullshit Poochie interference) put on a decent show tonight. They HAVE to do something about that first hour (Vamp kicking Konnan butt was fine but what about the other 50 minutes) but I think THIS may be the start of a return to respectability.
Subject: Question about ECW and TNN
Yo man, I have cable n' shit but I don't have TNN. Now if ECW is gonna compete with WCW for the second place spot, won't the fact that TNN is not on every cable in every city hurt them. Or is it all about the "share" they get. All I know is that I got some cheap ass cable so I say "Fuck TCI cable" cause they are some no TNN carrying mutha fuckas! Yeah and uhhh.....have a nice day Cat Daddy.......
CBS owns TNN - isn't that interesting? - CRZ
Subject: new site..
From a fan who's been reading your reports for nearly 2 years,(christ.. has it been that long? well.. fuck.. since i found micasa and oo.. and they merged.. it might have been before that.. ) all i can say is that i'm EXTREMELY pleased you're doing this. Your reviews have been one of the main reasons i even bother to watch either show anymore. Mainly to see if you find the same mistakes, botched angles, and all the other worthless shit that goes on, but also to read from someone who tells it like it is, and tells it like it is very well.
Wrestleline is a sham. "Hey.. let's get everyone together and make a really shitty website about something!!" First off, anything affiliated with CBS™ is going to suck outright anyways. Second, while the original idea of the sight may have been novel enough, they take away everything that makes reading you (especially) and the other columnists worthwhile. They want to make their cash, and that's fine. How else to do it than by getting the best.. and the most notable (not neccessarily two terms that are always together) wrestling writers on the internet together? Heres the fucking answer.. let them do what they do best.
The second i read the first wrestleline after wm™ announced the "merger" i knew right away it was not going to work. and it won't. Just to draw a brief comparison.. let's look at WCW.. here you have all this talent.. but they can't figure out a way to make it work. Here's wrestleline.. with all this talent.. and they OBVIOUSLY can't make it work. Writers aren't meant to be silenced.. be it from an editor or the government. When you take away content from a writer.. it's like a rape of something that the writer holds very dear. Their thoughts, opinions, and beliefs.
blah.. i'm rambling.. the main point behind this letter is just to show my support for your new site, and your writing as well. Next time you talk to rick.. tell him a fan would like to know exactly what the fuck he was smoking when he agreed to this cooperative effort with people who obviously have no idea what they're doing. (nwwwo and scoops lost so much respect for this, i don't mention 1wrestling because that site fucking sucked in the first place)
Thanks to everyone for their support of the new site! - CRZ
Subject: nitro report
Not that my life is one miserable existance...but I must say that I do appreciate the healthy dose of cynicism you offer on your palate each and ever tuesday when I get to read your Nitro report.
Is there a bigger load of crap than Nitro each and every week? From putting Miller over Bagwell (victory for the umpteenth time with the 'ominous' and 'menacing' red shoe,) to Bischoff the 'telling-it-like-it-is' analyzer who you wish someone would knock one right in that inflated beer belly of his. How is he any different than he was before? He still drops rose petals when Hogan walks or speaks. He still is bad-mouthing Flair, who is stuck in the nightmare no-win angle of a lifetime...while claiming he is pushing the company towards the future while the best wrestlers in the company, ie benoit and guerrero, are stuck in chump angles where they're either being jobbed out at ppv's...or having the latino job squad pummle them.
I find it pathetic that people can stand to watch bollea (hogan for the brain-dead) and his obvious manipulations, going on in the back. Supposedly, the rumor is that he will JOB to Hart at WWIII in Toronto...please, he's gotten out of jobbing to hart before, (late '92) you know he'll do it again. He can't put on a good match anymore, and is as sentimental and goofy as 'Stepmom.'
Actually, I wish you would stop wasting your time writing the Nitro Report's...but then I wouldn't get the opportunity to hear at least one person...(may god smite Ryder and Madden) badmouth World's Crappiest Wrestling.
Sincerely, Jason Epand
Subject: The Coming Apocalypse
This Week's Sign of the Coming Apocalypse: Not only is Hulk Hogan a World Heavyweight Champion again, after four months out of the ring, but the number one contender (US Champion) is David Flair.
I've been a WCW fan since I started watching wrestling over a year ago, but they haven't made it easy for me and Hogan's win was the last straw. I am officially changing my affiliation to the WWF, and also intend to boycott WCW television as long as Hogan has that, or any other title.
Also, who exactly are the Tag Team Champions? It was Kanyon and DDP who won the titles, but I'm sure Bigelow's defended them since then. And apparently, last Sunday's match was 3 on 2. To top it off, Schiavone said that they were ALL champions.
Subject: Nitro report
Lighten up man.
No way, MAAAAAAN. - CRZ
Subject: Your Nitro Recap
Just finished reading your recap and just that has made me want to hurl. Hogan, Flair, Poffo and Piper all need to just get the hell out while they are still remembered as once-greats(?). All that's happening now is that WWF is eating their ass and every week it's biting a bigger piece off. If they want to stop getting killed, let someone like Saturn, Buff, or maybe even Kidman get the fabled 10 lbs. of gold (plated aluminum) and hang onto it for awhile. A better bet would be to let Benoit or Malenko win it then beat Ric in a defense of it and then tell him the "Horsemen" are finished. Hell, once Rena is done with her "lawsuit" let her come and be a new nitro "ho".
Hell man, the possibles are endless. Wish I could say the same for the former champ, WCW, but the WWF is going to lay the Smackdown on them and then bury them.
Keep up the good work and if you tell Wrestleline to shove it, will keep up on wrestlemaniacs.com or 1wrestling.com. Later Dude,
"Hardcore" Wayne Glover
I'm on 1wrestling.com?!? - CRZ
I think you are completly off base. A Hogan/Savge matchup is very similiar. Both sides have the same moves available, just like players in chess have the same peices. The chess pecies only have a limited number of ways they can move just like Hogan/Savge. Most chess matches start out the same, but the ending is different, well two out of three isn't bad.
Love your stuff. Take it easy man.
Subject: Road Dogg goes boom boom
I cannot believe you failed to mention Road Dogg's slip during the tar and feather segment. I had to rewind the tape at least three times, I was laughing so hard. Kind of hard to be a bad ass (actually, that's the other guy) when you just fell on your bum in front of the world.
The only thing bigger than my hate for Val Venis is Michael PS Hayes' bald spot.
Subject: you Suck ass
Fuck you you ass pounder wwf blows and you know it. you say that wcw copys wwf but wwf end up copying ecw. when was the last time wwf had a hardcore match. also austin is the worst wrestler in the word alls he does is brawl. he has never done any wrestling move aside from the stuner and a tackle with punches. the wwf is fucking stupid!!!!!!!
There was a hardcore evening gown match between Al Snow and Droz Monday night on RAW. - CRZ
Subject: Monday Nitro I usually agree with you on just about everything and I'm a fan of your work, however, I really enjoyed Nitro this week. It seems like even though they're putting on better spots you are refusing to see it because of one thing that is going down that you may not like. They had things setting up some angles that could be interesting but you spent most of the time in your rundown berading Bischoff and the announcers. The action was pretty damn good, I'd say at least equal to the WWF's, but because of the way things have been handled in the past you don't seem to want to give them credit when something works. Your humor is funny when it's done at the opprotune time, but it gets a little repetitive and even annoying when someone who watched the show and enjoyed it hears you go on a tirade on some small part of the segment.
Subject: Amazing coincedence
Here's something I'll bet you missed from Monday Night...
At the exact same time Buff Bagwell was doing his routine on Nitro... JEFF Bagwell was swinging his bat over on ESPN in the Home Run Derby. I'm not sure how this all fits in ...but I'm sure the earthshaking significance will come to me, shortly.
Subject: A Fan
Glad to see you have your own setup now. Good luck.
Subject: Your Nitro report 7/12/99
Is it me, or did Sid seem like the Warrior reincarnated last night? Whats with all the destiny in the stars crap?
Oh, I've got a plan! Were getting killed in the ratings and I know how we can win them again. Lets have Randy Savage wrestle Hogan for the belt for the 6th time and hope nobody remembers that Savage has never beat Hogan for the belt! I think that's what uncle Eric was saying anyway. I sure wish I cared about these two guys but I don't, I knew what was going to happen Monday morning when I heard Hogan was coming back. What a pisser,I wish WCW would pull their head out there are still a lot of guys that are fun to watch. How about that top rope elbow drop from Test over on Raw? Looked impressive to me.
Subject: WAKE UP!!!
DEAR SMUCK, HOW CAN YOU SIT THERE AND DOWN WCW WEEK AFTER WEEK? ADMIT IT THIS WEEK NITRO WAS HOT. MUCH BETTER THEN THE PAST FEW WEEKS. I MEAN WCW ACTULLY DIDN'T KILL THERE SECNOD HOUR WITH ABUNCH OR BORING SHIT. THERE GIVING SOME YOUNG GUYS FRESH PUSHES LIKE BUFF, BENIOT,MALENKO,VAMPRIO JUST TO NAME A FEW AND THE RATING EVEN SHOWED AND IMPROVEMENT. AND THE STING STORYLINE WAS PRETTY SOILD AND THE CROWN WAS REALLY BEHIND IT. FOR GODS SAKE DID YOU HIT THE MUTE BUTTON ON YOUR TV THE CROWND WAS BEHIND HOGAN AND LOUD AS SHIT THE WHOLE MAIN EVENT. MAN I WAS THERE IN JACKSONVILLE AND EVERYBODY AFTER THE SHOW SEEMED TO FEEL THE SAME WAY I DID ABOUT. SO QUIT SUCKING UP TO THE WWF AND WRITE THE TRUTH MAN. I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN A FAN OF THE WWF FOR THE BIGGEST PART OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR REALLY PISSED THAT THE WCW ALMOST PUT THE WWF OUT OF BUSSINESS BUT GET OVER IT. ONE QUESTION WHAT WAS WCW STREAK OF WINS OF HEAD TO HEAD RATING WARS?
I believe it was 88 - CRZ
Whoops, I didn't know I was closing on that letter. Oh well. ;-)
Christopher Robin Zimmerman