I Get Letters
Several folks wrote after my first Heat Report asking what the deal was with the lowercase vowels. I guess more people have never seen this show than I thought - the graphics used on the show look like that, so that's why you saw "THe BiG SHoW," for example. I'm just copying them since I can't come up with my own shtick. ;-)
A lot of people have asked me to address Scott Keith's comments about me. Well, I haven't seen 'em and I'm too lazy to go find 'em. Maybe later. But probably not. Anything Scott says is probably an act anyway - his site currently sends me more referrals than any site except WrestleLine.
And now TO THE MAIL!
Subject: Heat Report
I was just reading your heat report, and during the Hardy Boys / Funaki, Chulo match Funaki did that move that you don't know the name of. Well, I forgot to tape Heat but from what I can remember I think it was an Iconoclasm (this if from Fire Pro-wresting G) "Inverted Black Tiger Bomb Into Falcon Arrow, Shiima Nobunaga's Finisher". Hope this was of some help!
Yeah, I'll be sure to remember that next time I see it.
Subject: the millenium answer: LOD
I've solved it!!! The Millenium was suppose to be the year 2000 before the wwf changed it... and it is in Chicago, IL so i'm hoping I'm wrong when i say that it could have to do with the LOD 2000 please be wrong mark, please be wrong, it is funny though
Subject: Tonight's Nitro
About tonight's Nitro some good news and some bad news.
Bad News: It still SUCKS.
Good News: Scott Hudson left in an ambulance.
Bad News: Tony Schivanoe wasn't in the ambulance with him.
Good News: No Ric Flair
Bad News: We saw David Flair. (P.S. ANY David Flair is too much)
Good News: Goldberg wrestled in the Main Event
Bad News: It wasn't for the belt.
Good News: Kevin Nash powerbombed Hogan into the table.
Bad News: Hogan will wrestle again another day.
Keep being true to your self and I've got 2 words for Eric Bishoff and WCW.
Subject: The Rock's Got A Big Ol' Butt!
Hey Super CRZy!
So, when Mr. Ass and Chyna were showing the world what "The Rock's" ass looked like, were you thinking the same thing I was?
I mean, it was obvious it wasn't The Rock...but I couldn't help but think "Whoa, Sable's really let herself go after that last Playboy shoot..."
As for Nitro, during the first hour when DDP was insulting Benoit's mother, and after the match, Benoit came out and warned DDP not to bring his mother into this, were you also going, "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Please don't!!!!!! Judy Bagwell was enough Mother-Interference!!!!!"
Hmm, maybe I should wait until the Jolt Cola wears off before I try to write an email, eh?
PS~~ Finally, a WCW PPV I don't mind buying: The Nitro Girls!!!!
Subject: Gov. Ventura and his detractors
when i sit and watch everyone yell and kick and scream at Ventura making an appearance at a wrestling show, thus supposedly lowering the office of governor blah blah blah... i think... hmm... SummerSlam 1997: Hart & Soul.... hmmm... New Jersey governor-ess appears at event and does a promo... and is given an 'honorary WWF title' and appears with the Headbangers... two Marilyn Manson loving bald kids with face paint and wear dresses.... no Mark Madden columns against her... interesting.
Well, if you're talking coincidence...which governor do you think Mark Madden is more likely to have sexual fantasies about? If you think about it THAT way, then you can understand any apparent biases regarding...oh, wait, Mark won't read this, will he? (Of course he won't.)
Couple of things for ya.
1. 4 Universal Soldier ads
2. Maybe WCW realizes Meng = Ratings (by not being on TV)
3. I thought it was Frikin tm CRZ not freakin
4. Scott Hudson ...beat down ...the hell? I was right there with you by saying when I watched it (... that never happens to Tony the rat bastard)
5. Sid = millenium man bwahahahahahahahahahahaha
6. Mona on her knees begging for her job (and not even one Hummer reference c'mon Chris.... ya can't let that one slide)
7. Rodman ... Master P.... No Talent soldiers.... hmmmm...... yep gotta do something with em.... guess Rodman is the "logical" choice... will they leave with him too when he is gone from my TV finally.
8. On the live East Coast feed they bleeped it to death as well. Not a single word got past em on this one.... dammit....
Well just wanted to share........
oh yea and as I mentioned to ya earlier.... (el) Vampiro (canadienese) (tm CRZ) actually got to pin someone this week...... OH MY GAWD...
Subject: youll never hear it
Steve Austin: if you wanna see Steve Austin suck suggestively on this 13 inch kielbasa gimme a Hell Yeah!
Crowd: HELL YEAH!!!
Buffer: ladies and gentleman, your NEW world championship wrestling heavyweight champion - CHRIS BENOIT!!!
Buffer: ladies and gentleman, "the Cat" Ernest Miller!
Bob: you know what, Al, i think I'll call the WWF Superstar hotline right now
Al: but Bob, it no longer exists...
Bob: aw shucks...
Bob: you know what, Al, i think i'll buy some WWF Attitude cologne
Al: but Bob, it no longer exists...
Bob: aw shucks
Hulk Hogan: we shocked the world!!
Press: now that you're president Mr. Bollea....
Who are these "Bob" and "Al" guys?
Subject: Nitro recap
...if you watched Saturday Night (and who can blame you if you didn't)...
HEY! *I* can blame people for not watching! It's WCW Saturday Night--catch the fever, yeah! haha
Okay, let's hear from somebody who DOESN'T write a Saturday Night report now...anyone? Anyone? Thought so.
Did you notice Hogan's cheap ass paperclip necklace?
No - but I wish I had!
Your reports are filled with juvenile and lewd remarks, you have no class and should just quit now.
I keep TELLING you, I'm Chris ZIMMERMAN.
Subject: Taka's sister??!?!?!?!
Even one year after the mind blowing revelation,I'm still in shock over the fact that Yamaguchi San's wife was Taka's SISTER the whole time!!!I can't BELIEVE it!!!!!!
And as for Page's Battlebowl ring,it got stolen by the same person that was driving Macho Man's hummer and lifted the briefcase at KOTR,and i'm pretty sure it was the guy that was giving Sable all those flowers and stuff at the beginning of 1998 too.I think he's hoarding the Undertaker's urn too.I think thats where he's keeping Shawn Micheals's smile he found in a dumpster after Thursday Raw Thursday.
Which do you think is worse?Vince having Motley Crew(I dont give a damn how they spell it) on Raw and Heat as a vague way of introducing Test(I swear when he came out and Meltdowned HHH I had no idea who he was) or Eric having Mega Death(I don't give a damn how they spell it) on as a way to bring Goldberg back from wrestler limbo?(where Lex Luger is currently living) I would say the Mega Death thing was better,cuz then I didnt have to worry about an important interview segment or video highlight or advertisment keeping me from watching RAW.
umm,I sorta rambled.Sorry.
You're forgiven. ;-)
Hey Chris, I was fast-forwarding through Nitro, and stop to double check, but the word "shit" is said at least twice, and quite auidble in the ICP's new song. I would have to say that WCW pumped out more offensive material in three hours than the WWF has since Bret snapped on the first RAW IS WAR. Once you go black you never go back... classic.
Just out of curiosity...
What's the FRICKIN' deal with naming wrestling personalities after geographical locations and changing the letter I to Y? First chYna, then asYa, now berlYn. What the FRYCK YS next? Y tell ya, thys ys goyng to get really annoyyng yf they keep yt up. Not as annoyyng as Heat lowercasyng the fyrst vowel of each word (as long as yt's not the fyrst letter) yn graphycs, but styll! When wyll the madness end??? BYLL GoLDBERG? KeVYN NASH? EVaN KARAGYAS? YCP?
Gotta go rest the brain now,
Pat Savyno...Savino...Sa..oh...whatever. Quote me.
So your favourite Nytro Gyrl is TYGRESS, right? Or is it FYRE?
Eric J. Rygaard
That you would take time out of your busy life...is this a tear welling up in my eye? Oh, wait...no it isn't. Oh well.
you suck ass
Eric J. Rygaard
Hey, didn't you just write me?
In your comment about asking DDP about Kimberly's past you left out her glorious time as Fifi, Ric Flair's french maid. This was during the "Flair for the Gold" interview segment. I think this was her first WCW role. Wow, I really have spent too much time watching this stuff.
David B. Wicker
Subject: nitro recap
How come you conveniently left out the rock bottom move DDP did on Benoit. After all, it seems as though he can do it a lot better than the Rock. I think Nitro booking has been better lately at the midcard ranks. You almost have to agree. I mean, the Vampiro/ICP/Raven Konnan/Rey/Eddy angle is really sweet. The Harlem Heat/Triad angle is also pretty cool. DDP and Benoit will always be a great angle because of the matches. The only sucky midcard angle at this point is the cat and Buffy-- and that's only because bischoff is punishing Bagwell for his big ol' swollen head.
I did refer to the "rock bottom move" but I might have confused you by calling it a "uranage." I thought the Guerrero/Vampiro match sucked basted on the wasted potential of the participants - but maybe it'll be better at Road Wild. Wow, when did *I* become such an optimist?
Subject: I'm *literally* bursting with excitement to send you this!
I noticed you mentioning Bischoff misusing the word "literally" for your amusement. Just what did he say? One of my favorite misuses in wrestling would have to be when Gorilla Monsoon (The king of misuse)said in A&E's wrestling documentary that Hulk Hogan literally had the wrestling fans of the 80's in his pocket. I swear, If he weren't so sick and old I'd figuratively punch him in the head.
Subject: Nitro Report
Bischoff said WWF while talkin about Curt Hennig. This is a quote of what was said
"Now he's here in the WWF ... I mean the WCW."
What a dumbshit huh?
This just in - Bischoff secretly working for WWF - keep it on the down low, though
Subject: 8/2 Updates
I'm supposed to mention that the word "Armageddon" is being used at every opportunity....
...and you're also supposed to give us losers who had to point it out to you on the Heat report some credit!
"First of all, I want everyone to see what happened last week. So let's go - roll the footage. Second, I didn't know Ken was standing behind that car when I backed up. Listen up, I don't need a car to kick that sorry bastard's ass - all I need is my hands and my feet - why do you think I'm called the Lethal Weapon?"
It sure as hell isn't because of your mic skills Steve. I know Chris worships your bulging pecs and shredded triceps, but let's practice some more at home in front of the mirror, ok? And what's with the running? You come to the ring with about a thousand martial arts weapons and when you see an injured Shamrock you....run like a bitch? And then - as if that weren't enough - he manages to catch you TWICE after being restrained by Dotson and another time by refs? Be a man!!!!!
Oh, and is it just me, but is the fact that the WWF had Venis vs. Blackman as the main event probably the best indicator yet of just how far ahead they are in the ratings?
And, since I can't help but rip on WCW just once a week, how can you fail to mention in your Nitro report that Hogan guaranteed a ratings spike (and/or excuse) by 1) booking Vampiro and ICP right before the main event (I love Eddie, too, but none of those guys are exactly hot right now), and 2) Managing to finagle his way on the tv when three of the four biggest names in the company - woops! there's Nash - ok, THE four biggest names in the company are in the ring at the same time?
Oh, and why would Nash give up an extra chance to get the title back against an injured Hogan just to be able to have a run-in from the crowd (because it's oh-so much better than from the locker room?) on a tag team match that meant absolutely nothing?
And since when is "asshole", "yo bitch" or "punk ass" G rated?
Chris, my head hurts. I'm gonna stop now.
Subject: Gangrel's Suplex
I believe that would be a butterfly suplex you failed to recognize by Gangrel.....I'm surprised Jim Ross didn't recognize it either.
And yes, I really am female.
I never doubted it!
Subject: nitro recap
was bischoff(/bischoff+hogan) commentary the only reason you didn't like the last half of nitro? from your commentary, it seems like the actual matches were okay and that they actually tried to start establishing or continuing angles. were they all worked poorly or something?
I think it was mostly the REEEEEEALLY long stretches between actual SHIT happening. Check the Nitro report again - notice that there are ENTIRE QUARTER HOURS eaten up with ... well, nothing. Notice also all the sub-3 ratings next to those quarters. DUH. ;-)
Now you know the reason bitchoff was waving vampiro and eddy away from the table. If they had doen a spot on it the nash couldn't have dropped hogan through it. Would have been nice to see eric get another one too. Guess the flimsy board was just so hogan didn't hurt himself.
I agree- shut up lawler.
3:17 I just maced your ass
Subject: Little Cesar's promo fallout
I just thought I should let you know that the WCW/ Little Cesars's promotion has been such a rousing success here in Indiana, that last week, ALL Little Cesar's pizza joints here were CLOSED. Perhaps they ran out of action cards, and the resulting rioting caused the higher ups to decide that it would be better to close than to risk further injury to hundreds of dedicated, loyal workers? Or perhaps it is just another sign of the shape of the world we live in: You know, the one where hot storytelling and interesting angles draw more viewers than disjointed angles and 3rd tier wrestlers getting BOTH airtime AND mic time...
Keep up the great frickin' work, you are the only source I have for knowing what is going on in WCW, since I can't bear to watch it myself...
But the REAL question is, did they just lock out the managers and staff as others have written me in the past? Is this franchise in trouble or what?
Soldier, if you want to stay, STAY! If you want to leave, LEAVE! It is your choice, dont let the people dictate your decisions. And just ignore Ratt, he obviously has some pent-up frustrations from problems at home and is taking out unto people on the message board.
So, what, you have a split personality?
Subject: Universal Soldier 2
I was just reading your RAW report........Austin can be glad he didn't end up in this movie, checking out Goldberg.......
My friend, you don't know the half of it.........last week here in Puerto Rico, Universal Soldier 2 opened.........I went to see it.........and I got two words for you........
IT SUCKED!!! It's crap!! It's a bad, bad movie.........
did I said two words??? Sorry......
Hector A. Flecha
Subject: Val's new move...
Just for your info, I've seen that side Russian legsweep into submission before... AFAIK, it's called a Ground Octopus Hold, and I believe there's a cruiserweight in the New Japan promotion called El Samurai who uses it. I've learned all these moves from playing the Firepro Wrestling games from Japan, and recently it seems like Val must be playing it too and developing his repetoire by watching and repeating... or more likely he must have trained in Japan before. I remember reading that Too Cold Scorpio trained in the New Japan dojo, so I'd figure it must be possible that Val might have trained 'round those parts too...
Nice job on the Monday reports and the Heat report as well... I really wish I had seen that Hardyz vs. Funaki & Chulo match. I was hoping they'd move the SuperAstros talent onto the mainline shows with the impending demise of SuperAstros, but I also heard that the Mexican talent had been given walking papers by the WWF (which would be a freakin' shame!)... have you heard anything about the status of these guys?
Steven Kinne aka Mamono Hunter Stevie [INFJ]
Have you met Andy J?
Subject: debra should manage mideon
ok, if debra would manage mideon, everything would be alright. the crowd can can oggle at debra for an entire match, and not miss anything, since mideon is the worst worker in the fed. it would be ok for the crowd to chant puppies (i remember when we used to call them "tits", i must be getting old) rather then yelling something of relivance to the match, cause any mideon match will suck. and it would be ok for the king to annoyingly yelp puppies due to the fact that there is nothing interesting to say about mideon and he is never envolved in any angles (sans D lo). so, if debra would would manage mideon, all the marks can yell her name, and not miss a great wrestler ( and a great "classic" heel) like JJ work a 10 minute + match.
Pray that this happens,
Dude, no offense, but this last nitro report was about as coherent as the last 20 minutes of Apocalypse Now. I didn't understand a single word in it, although I suppose you're doing me a favor by keeping me in the dark about WCW. Thanks?
Every time I see Bam Bam coming to the ring wearing his "extreme" T-shirt, I figure he is _still_ the only person to have ordered said shirt.
Something to consider.
Keep up the good work.
Hey, maybe I am just too much of a mark (or had too many beers during raw), but during the Test match (if you still have it on tape) I swear he spends the entire match working on Rodney's right arm and applies the finishing arm bar to his LEFT arm. Can you confirm or deny?
Thanks for all of your recaps. Tuesday's are good days for me because of them.
Subject: It's not Hell, It's Nitro!
You can use this quote on your nitro report next time.
It's not hell, It's nitro!
Subject: WCW top 50
Ok, this is just retarted... WCW's top three...Flair, Sting, and Hogan. Fine, but both Tooker B. and his "brutha" Bertha Faye are ranked in the ten. Ahead of Rick Steamboat (43?) and Rick Rude (49!) That's just retarted, or just WCW...either way. Now that Scott Hudson has been injured, will we see the bottle of Surge return to the announce booth? It really added some special appeal to the broadcast. There were rumors that it was going to the WWF, because it felt the people in Titan could develope it's character better.
you didn't fantasize it... Hudson actually said 'Blind Mickey J'... and i said to myself... i can't wait to hear what CRZ says about it!!
love the column... keep it up, huh?
Subject: Rasslin' & the Beeb
Fram! Fram! Fram! Fram!
Very clever... forgot the baked beans, but if Bush's should ever pay for a spot on Titan, the gag would go over like gangbusters!
I believe I remember a Red Dwarf reference some time back when introing Cat.
Gee... how 'bout some more Britcom references, guv'ner?
YES, MINISTER OF DOOM - The Undertaker plays a doddering, bumbling minister overseeing a cadre of malcontent wrestlers, while his middle-class civil servant aide (Paul Bearer) is the true scheming brains behind the operation, although in almost every episode, he suffers his due comeuppance.
ARE YOU BEING SWERVED? - The merry mishaps of a group of grapplers (nWo), although currently suffering denouvement since losing popular characters such as Mr. Grainger (R. Savage), Mr. Lucas (S. Hall), and the original Young Master Grace (H. Hogan)
DR. WHAT - The story of a scientist-cum-wrestling promoter (E. Bischoff) that has the ability to go back in time, although he never goes back any further than three weeks, and always shows us his slides from his travels ad nauseum on Monday nights, when all we wanna do is see a match that deosn't involve a run-in from Motch.
WHO'S SHOOT IS IT, ANYWAY? - Although it has recently been introduced to American TV, this rare melée-enhanced program's last airing may have been starring Shawn Michaels and Brett Hart, although the "smart" Britcom fans disagree.
well... so much for pathos! it looks like we got an "eater".
I love it when I make references that even *I* don't get. ;-)
Subject: Logo- friend
If "Logo - friend" is a reference to Labyrinth, you are now my favorite person of the day.
Hi, Mike - have you met Rick? He's from the UK!
DAMN CRZ!!!How could you leave out the Bischoff saying WWF instead of WCW thing! Also cut out the racist shit!
I wrote some RACIST SHIT?!? Where?!?
Subject: Raw Report
I just read your Raw Report for August 3. It was entertaining and I enjoyed it but I have one question. Why did you refer to Chyna as "That Slut"? Thanks for your time.
I think this is the question I get asked the most.
Subject: Scott Hudson
Hey Chris, i am a big fan of your monday night reports and your new slash wrestling webpage. Just wanted to point something out. Have you noticed that Scott Hudson has been referring to the refs as "Blind" ____ _____
Well, he fills in the blanks, but you know what I mean. He did it once last week and once this week.
Now the question is.. are you Scott Hudson, trying not to let it slip? Or did he steal it from you?
Yes, I AM Scott Hudson. In a really, really bad wig. That probably also explains why I'm one of two people to remember the Global Wrestling Federation.
i've got a question that maybe you can answer for me on your web page....
Do you get letters?
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
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