I Get Letters
Thanks to: Wade
Subject: I FEEL CRZ'S PAIN!!!!!
Tonight, I finally feel CRZ's pain!!! I have not watched Nitro in about two months, and after being forced to watch it tonight I will not be watching until Hogan is gone. There is absolutely no comparison between the WWF and WCW when it comes to mic skills, story lines, etc.. All of the interviews on Nitro tonight sucked. I kept thinking --oh how I wish the Rock or SCSA could have ran out and kicked Berlyn's ass--that whole angle came off so stupid- (no surprise - it was just like all of the rest of WCW). By the way, what the hell is up with Goldberg's music? That was a good way to take off a lot of crowd response. I'm sure Vince is laughing all the way to the bank every time he sees Konad, Ernst Miller, Norman Smiley, Juventud, and the rest of the 2.5 hour midcard/jobber with an overhyped main event that is guaranteed to have a couple of run-ins and a no decision with the show always ending in a Mexican stand off and schiovoni the jabroni screaming "its sting, its sting" or some other bullshit- show each week. I would love to be a top star in WCW. Get paid the big bucks and work a total of about an hour a month. Thanks for doing a great job guys-- great recaps each week CRZ. I will leave you with one last thought-- If Raw is War, then Nitro is SHIT-- and I along with the millions-- and millions of WWF fans can SMEEEEEEELLLLLL what WCW is cookin and it stinks like SHIT!!!
I'll tell you, on Tuesday's, the talk around the water cooler isn't what happened on the wrestling shows, but what CRZ said about them.
Enough butt kissing.
Doesn't the "I'm an Ass man" song sound like Journey? I would have thought Steve Perry would have taken better care of his voice than to lend it to that piece of work.
Subject: WCW is Amazing
Just think about this...What's the worst thing that can happen to a wrestling match? a "Boring" chant, letting us the viewer know that the crowd hates this crap and are vocal in their hatred...WCW has managed to save itself this problem. Everytime Jobber A and Mid-Carder B go throught the motions on Nitro now, the crowd chants "We Want Sid" not because Sid's remotely over...But because he'll end this crap! Of course WCW never brought Sid out in response, and Vampiro/ICP were minutes late every time...But WCW's still getting close...I mean Tony didn't even blurt out "HEY! That's Alex Wright!" During Berlyn's intro, so they are doing SOMETHING right.
Subject: backyard wrestling
actually i have an important question for you im part owner in a backyard wrestling fed and hope to one day wrestle in ECW but i was wondering if i sent you my results from our events with details would you post them if you could i would really appreciate it thanks a lot your website rules
Is ANYBODY interested in seeing this?
Subject: I attended Nitro in Uniondale
I have loved the reports for a long time now, but I always thought you gave WCW more shit than WWF (ex: mocking people for still wearing NWO shirts, while someone like Al Snow has worn a JOB Squad shirt for the longest) but in most cases it was deserved.
But after seeing Nitro live I have no objections to ANYTHING you write about WCW.
I have (recently) seen a WWF and WCW house show. WWF BLEW THEM OUT OF THE WATER for a million reasons, but I was sure Nitro would redeem my ever decreasing faith in WCW. WRONG!
My main problem was there was not one good match. Eddy and Rey were entertaining but that is it. Every single jobber in the company wrestled. Horrible. I mean the absolute shit came out every time. Barely any names wrestled, with the exception of Hogan, Goldberg, and Page, and even their match sucked.
The worst part is they ran unopposed and put such shit on. I have learned to live with bad storylines and character development, but bad matches with people no one cares about tops the list. Keep up the good work.
Hi my name is Kim and I was wondering if there would be a chance u could help me meet Shane McMahon?
Ummm, but *I* haven't even met him!
Subject: Re: question
Do you know anyone who has met him?
See, I'm like THOUSANDS of miles away from where he lives, and....
Subject: Re: RAW 30.8.99
In case you are wondering, and I'm not sure if you are...but I called the number that was on Al Snow's poster and it belongs to Mr. Sean Morely. Or as we know and love him...Val Venis.
Interesting that Snow would broadcast the phone number of Venis on national television....
705 750 5298
Senior Producer, CBS SportsLine
Executive Producer, WrestleLine
Hey, shouldn't you be busy editing something instead of crank calling Canadian wrestlers?
Subject: Raw is War (spelled backwards)
I still confuse people with that. they say, "what the hell does 'Raw Si War' mean?" I'm just pointing out that if you were to spell War backwards, the result would be Raw. Why don't people understand that? What's so hard about it? BAH!
Also, I email you to answer one of the rhetorical questions from your Nitro report. When you ask what the "Purple Monkey Refridgerator" sign means, I figured it was a botched allusion to the Simpsons episode, "The PTA Disbands." When Bart tells a teacher at the back of a rally what Skinner said, it is passed up to Edna Krabapple. The end result is the original phrase Bart used, along with "Purple Monkey Dishwasher." Thus proving that anything will get botched by heresay and not "heresy" as some people insist on spelling it. So, to answer your question, the kid that wrote that sign is a moron.
Raw Is War lyrics... "Raw Is War, now how 'bout some pie?"
WRITE BACK SOON!
Congratulations to Ryan for being the first person to chide my failure to recognise a Simpsons reference. As we shall see later on, he's not the only one...
Subject: raw report
the whole "well it's a big..." has got to be the funniest thing i've read in a long, long time. i'm sitting here in the office laughing so hard, i barely was able to finish the report. oh yeah, lillian garcia, the worst thing to hit wrestling since the leprechaun or the gobbledygooker. bring back mike mcguirk! (with the obligatory bobby heenan "who?")
Subject: And The Rock Means... um... shit... LINE!
Hey Christopher Robin Zimmerman (is that right? I don't know names),
Did you notice that nifty cool sign during Raw last night that said "It Doesn't Matter What My Sign Says!" I sure did.
Ok, well. Um, bye.
Kevin Sullivan (no, not him)
Not that one either?
Subject: Here's a horrifying thought for you.
Actually, this makes perfect sense considering the way WCW is currently going. The KISS Army thing needs three more wrestlers. The nWo b-team is nowhere to be seen, and I'm really hoping it's dead and buried.
Can you see it coming?
Yep, that's right. The all new "nWoh my god it's the same four guys in KISS makeup" Army.
Just kill me now.
Subject: WCW Monday NITRO
I don't know which was more insulting to my intelligence: the fact that this NITRO aired at all, OR, that Bob Ryder actually thought that WCW would wisely use the time that they have before RAW comes back to its regularly scheduled time slot to book quality matches and bring the viewers back, thereby putting an end to the weekly ass-kickings.
How WWF `80s has WCW become? And I would just like to kill Tony and Bobby for acting like they have no idea who the Demon or Berlyn were. I equate this to Jim Ross introducing the new Razor and the new Diesel, and thinking that the fans and viewers don't know what the fuck is going on. Plus, didn't Alex Wright kind of kill the lie about him being "new" to WCW by saying that he was there before. Oh wait, this is WCW; shit doesn't have to make sense.
Speaking of which, I think as a bonus, you should perhaps put together a running list of all the incontinuity that has taken place within WCW. C'mon, it would be fun. I mean, DDP's mysterious "benefactor and the hummer driver are the ones which stand out in my mind not to mention the shittiest, refried WWF angles. I could've sworn that when that giant Gene Simmons sarcophagus opened, we should have seen the Gobbledygooker! And for Berlyn, wouldn't that gimmick and angle (I sense Rocky IV as being the inspiration, with a country change) have worked better say, in 1989/90 when the fucking BERLIN WALL CAME DOWN as they keep showing in those fucking video clips??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to read Bob Ryder's explanation of this NITRO.
That address again is 1wrestling.com - 1wrestling.com, for ALL your Ryder NEEDS!
Subject: nitro...and why Scott Hudson is better than Tony
I think the lighting effect on Berlyn was a mistake, not a style.
In a brief bit of forshadowing, the Benoit will job to Sid was set up at the start of the show. Tony mentioned that when Goldberg got to 75, he won the US title from Raven, and now Sid was at 75...sigh...
I saw the Revolution shirts and thought the same thing..Raven..
I caught part of WCW worldwide the other day, and in a brief time I learned....
3 reasons why Scott Hudson is better than Tony
1) Tony believes and sells that Sid is 75 and 0. Scott don't play that game and says Sid is lying.
2) Tony has no clue who the Demon is, and makes no connection to Bryan Adams getting into a KISS car. Scott, in a recap, pays special attention to the KISS logo, and wonders where this is going to lead to (the show seemed to be from before the Demon debut..the KISS concert wasn't mentioned)
3) erm...I can't remember the third...might be that he doesn't sell Hogan as a good guy, remembering the NWO thing....but WCW doesn't really stick in the mind.
There was also a really cool Regal/Taylor interview segment that gave some clue why people like Regal
Subject: The Great One!
Do you smell what the ROCK is cookin'? I sure the hell do!! I was at RAW last night and I couldn't get enough of THE GREAT ONE!!!! He can check me into THE SMACKDOWN HOTEL anytime! I just want to say your site kicks ass! (Roody-poo candy ass of course!) peace-out
Rocky's no.1 fan,
p.s. If it's not THE ROCK than, IT DOSEN'T MATTER!!!!!
ONE LOVE: SYCO'
I really need MORE letters JUST like this in my mailbox.
That was sarcasm, by the way.
Subject: Just a question?
So why do you NOT critique RAW like you do Nitro when just about every nit picking complaint you have about Nitro can be applied to RAW?
So why do I what now?
i was at raw, and just for your edification (now that's a big word), the crowd was split, chanting both foley, and rocky, personally i was chanting foley. just thought i'd let you know.
Subject: The Kiss Demon
Every time I see that hollowed out Kiss statue, I secretly hope that it won't open and the Kiss demon will be stuck inside like in Spinal Tap.
Subject: the phone # on RAW
I work at an internet service provider in Toronto and when I am talking to customers I really have nothing better to do than read things on the intranet and find out weird little things, anyways the phone # is and exchange and area code for Peterborough, Ontario I don't know beyond that who the phone # belongs to. Sorry if this is an annoyance My job can be very boring.
Alain (That is my real last name) Virgin
Hi Mr. Virgin, have you met Shawn? He's a WrestleLine executive producer!
Subject: Nitro Sign
Hey, Chris. Love your recaps. Regarding the "Purple Monkey Refrigerator) sign on Nitro, I think I've got an explanation. "Purple Monkey Refrigerator" (or Dishwasher, depending on who you ask)were Jim Morisson's supposed last words. Hmm... a once entertaining and innovative man, grown fat and bloated, and just at the threshold of death. Sound familiar? Just a thought.
Wow, is THIS true? The Simpsons reference on this episode doesn't know a thing about this...it might also explain why the sign says "Refrigerator" instead of "Dishwasher." Wow, who knew ONE SIGN could spark so much...ummm, stuff.
Subject: Nitro Boogie
We never DID see the cameraman inside the limo again... *sniff*
THANK YOU!! I'm glad SOMEONE else noticed that! I mean, if the hummer could nearly end Kevin Nash's career, it must have killed the poor cameraman, who is not nearly as big, strong, and as lazy of a worker as Nash.
BTW, I saw Morris Day and the Time about 3 years ago, and that was some funky ass shit. Whoo!
Subject: lilian garcia
Am I imagining things or was the WWF trying to play up the whole "Lilian Garcia is a sucky announcer" situation? First Shane had to tell her the proper ending of the match and then Lawler made that comment about blowing in her ear for a refill.
For what it's worth, I happen to like Lilian Garcia! Hopefully she never gets fired.
Subject: "that piano music"
The piano music that played at odd times during Nitro may signal the coming of the next WCW superstar "The Maestro". Seriously.
Subject: Mick & Rock
I don't know exactly what you thought of it...or if I was just feeling the effects of a Road Dogg Special...but I thought the chemistry and glib banter those two had was a real treat...When the crowd chimed in on THE DOZENS on Mankind's fans...I thought I was going to pass out...But like I said, maybe it was that really big joint..
Friends, don't smoke a joint and watch wrestling on the same night. Don't do it. Don't.
Subject: Speaking of....
Being that you were the first person (writing online) that pointed out the star of david wcw logo, and because you metioned Levy dropping the the US title to Goldberg, can I assume you knew that event took place on Hitler's birthday? (April 20, 1998)
Hitler was NOT born last year! How much of a rube do you think I am?
Subject: Ute Ludendorf
Just thought you'd like to know that Ute Ludendorf, Alex Write's new lackey, translates to Loading Village according to Altavista's Bablefish.
Not that babelfish is any better at German than they are at Spanish... ;-)
Subject: 1 Thing you forgot to mention
Your were right on for the Nitro report but forgot perhaps the most hillarious thing ever said on TV.
When Luger showed Sting the picture of Hogan (Smiling at the camera no doubt) he said (in this order) that that Hummer could have ended Nash's LIFE and CARRER. Funny I thought if Nash died he could have kept on going as the leader of the outsiders or something.
Plus over on Raw Bossman mentioned that he had been watering Pepper. But who cares becuase I want Head back anyways.
Why is Bitch Garcia doing the intro's on Raw. She's so horrible. She does it in a way that's positive for the faces and negative towards the heels rather than the good neutral tone for both.
Bless you, for getting on the Rock's case. I really can't stand him and his "stand up routine ass". His matches are all the same and at least Austin uses cathphrases when required rather than finding ingenious ways to put them in.
Subject: Nitro 8/30
Love the column. As I was watching Nitro last night, it seemed strange to me that they emphasized the WHITE hummer so much. Remembering back to Nash being hit, later chasing the hummer out of the arena, and finally seeing Sting pop out of the hummer during a match, it seems to me that the hummer in question was BLACK! Is it just me, or did WCW really get caught short when they were unable to find a black hummer to rent and had to change the color of the hummer on the fly so nobody would notice? I know that the time limit on memory in WCW is three months, but this seems ridiculous.
Nosirree...it was a white hummer. Check that picture, it's from Wade's Nitro report of my birthday, when this happened.
Subject: (no subject)
Is it just me or was it suppose to be hogan and sting last night on the main event.You know i could probaly write a 5 page essay for you on WHY NITRO BLOWS.I think WCW has on of those mind erasser things in the Men In Black Movie where they can press that button and we are supposed to forget what happened in the past couple of weeks. It's not working.I feel sorry for you man, you should get paid for doing this.
until next time
Subject: Purple Monkey Refrigerator
I think it is supposed to be purple monkey dishwasher, but me being a nerd and all, its a line from the simpsons when bart is trying to pass a message along a ine of teachers something to the effect of The teachers say skinner is gonna break.....anyway.... ummm yeah...you dont care..
Well, NOW I don't. ;-)
I was at last nights Nitro and it really was pretty bad. Its sad to see that the crowd was more into the music by DJ Ran in between the breaks than the whole show. NY got stiffed. And during the Mike Enos match there was a flasher on the floor and there were alot of chants for Puppies the whole night. And some people then started to chant Nitro sux in the 3rd hour...Nitro has really hit Rock bottom with this one. Where was the Cat? And on the program they gave out they had someone by the name of the Maestro...who is that? I know he was on Seinfeld and also they had Norman Smiley on the program as well...it would have been great if he was there instead of Kaz Hayashi.
You missed one of Lilian Garcia's biggest gaffes of the night: After TBS pins Rock on the floor, she pipes up with, "Your winner, the Undertaker!"
That's the kind of ignorance and unprofessionalism we get - nay, except - from WCW.
Man, I can't BELIEVE I miss important (and funny!) stuff like this sometimes. Oh well, people will always tell me in email later. Thanks, MJ!
Subject: nacho's anyone.
I myself though that Disco looked exactly like Craven the Hunter from the Spider-Man comics (sans mustache)
Berlyn huh? WCW gives us Berlyn, WWF gives us Val Venis, Meat and Chaz all accompanied by scantily-clad semi-pros that tussle and tear clothes off. Which one you gonna watch?
Welcome to Monday Night Thunder!
Pound some of those wrapped pizza thingies for me, and a diet coke double gulp. Gotta learn to plan ahead for these night Chris.
Those pizza sticks are GOD AWFUL, by the way.
Subject: Re: Nitro
Purple Monkey Refrigerator, is a knock of an episode of The Simpsons....When Bart tries to pass along a secret (trying to keep the teacher strike going) it gets to Mrs. Krabapple with the correct sentence, ''Skinner thinks we can't stand up to him..'' but added w/ purple monkey refrigerator added by all the people who got the remark before Mrs. K did, so that my friend is the answer to your Purple Monkey Refrigerator problem
Subject: "Purple Monkie Refrigerator"
Okay, I actually thought about this (God help me, but Agassi was boring me on USA and I flipped over) and here's my take.
The Simpsons episode where the teachers call a strike and Bart and Lisa are trying to figure out what to do with their time is where I think the reference goes to. (Though the sign was mistaken.) Here's the scene.
The teachers are holding a protest outside of the elementary school and Bart walks up behind them seeking to extend the strike and starts a game of telephone. He walks up to someone in the back and says "Skinner says, 'The teachers will crack at any moment.'" But, as with any game of telephone, by the time it gets up to Mrs. Krabbabel it's changed. In this case to "The teachers will crack at any moment purple monkey dishwasher." Edna, suitably offended says, "We'll show him, especially that purple monkey dishwasher comment!"
Alright, I know *WAY* too much about the Simpsons to catch that reference. :-)
Keep up the good work,
Subject: Adams=Crush Light
He actually thinks this angle will go somewhere. He started pitching ideas last nite before he was told that he's not a booker.
It IS a whole different world on the other side of the curtain...
Subject: Patterson gets emotional.
Of COURSE Pat gets emotional when he sees a big hunk 'o man like 'Andrew'/Test heading (irrevocably?) for the other side! It's like the other team losing Jennifer Tilly...or maybe Anne Heche: It hurts the ratio, and who needs the competition?
heh heh heh heh heh heh heh
Subject: I'm here to help
Dear Mr. CRZ,
I should preface this by saying that I do not watch Nitro. Needless to say this means that any exposure to WCW TV that I get comes from your recap, which are quite well done.
So WHY am I writing? For the most mundane of matters, of course! You see, I was reading your Nitro Report when I came across the words "Purple Monkie Refrigerator". You expressed befuddlement at this fan-made sign, wondering if it were a code for Hyatte. I am here to clear up such matters. The answer, as always, lies in The Simpsons.
If you recall, there was an episode in which the Teachers' Union went on strike, and Bart was playing both sides (Teachers and Administrators) against the middle to prolong the closure of the school. At some point in said episode, Bart whispers "Skinner thinks the teachers will fold" (or something close) into a teacher's ear. An impromptu game of Telephone is then played, and the message gets to Ms. Krapabel as "Skinner thinks we'll fold, Purple Monkey Dishwasher!"
I can only assume that these sign-wielding rapscallions are fans of that episode, and yet, being WCW fans as well, have a congenital duty to rip-off catchphrases improperly. I, for my part, am surprised I have written such a long-winded email to say that alone. Oh well.
Thanks for your time,
Subject: You didn't mention Bossman's screw up
I was dissappointed that in your 8/30/99 RAW report you didn't even mention the fact that Bossman said "I had a dog and it got ran over by a DOG." Now in my mind you could have said something there that would have made me bust a gut. God knows i was when me and my friends were watching it.
Well, damn, that's two strikes for CRZ this week. Obviously I was REALLY tired by the time I got around to RAW.
Subject: Coast Guard Rescue of the Week...
I think it's odd how almost all of these spots lately seem to focus on people cheating to win. Jeff Jarrett, HHH, Mark Henry, Shawn Michaels, blah blah blah. Friends and "authority figures" (or whatever HBK was supposed to be anyway) turning on those who trusted them for sake of money or whatever. All of this is made even more amusing by the tagline, something about honesty, integrity, and law enforcement, or whatever the hell it is the announcer says.
Nice to see that the Coast Guard has taken Uncle Eddy's advice to heart even if Chavo never did. That's right kiddies cheat to win, the Coast Guard says so.
Subject: 8/31/99 Nitro
As part of my morbid curiosity, I tuned into Nitro last night and caught a segment that - even by Nitro's "powerbomb=win" standards - was one of the dumbest things I had ever seen. I am referring, of course, to Luger's "amazing discovery" that Hulk Hogan was allegedly the infamous Hummer driver.
I am writing this to all of you, because I don't know where this complaint goes, but somebody is going to explain this to me, by GOD!
Ok, Chris pointed out that the angle makes no sense, because:
1) While the announcers are saying Lex would NEVER stab Sting in the back, the rest of us are counting the times he has,
2) The Hummer driver was exposed as somebody with Sting's makeup on, so is Hogan into cross-dressing now?
3) The whole thing with Savage promising to reveal the Hummer driver on Thunder - no, Nitro - no, Thunder - no, Road Wild - oops, he's gone. He claimed the driver was the "baddest man on the planet" - if it's Hogan, why would Savage call him that since they were bitter enemies?
Ok, those are decent enough arguments, but can be remotely explained - the announcers have bad memories and are just plain stupid, Hogan DID wear the makeup (and hairpiece) for a night, and Savage didn't have the REAL driver. Ok. Fine.
But someone explain to me this - IF HOGAN WAS THE HUMMER DRIVER, WHY WOULD THAT MAKE HIM A HEEL AND WHY WOULD IT BE STABBING STING IN THE BACK???? Correct me if I'm wrong, but Nash was a HEEL when he left, and Hogan was a face! The crowd should be THRILLED Hogan drove the Hummer - after all, didn't Hogan ACTUALLY end Nash's career at Road Wild? Should we have been booing him when he was hulking up, no-selling and ending Nash's career?
I know Nash was a face during the incident, but that's like saying we should have rooted against the Rock last night on Raw because Big Show USED to be a face, and Rock USED to be a heel! I just don't undertstand why we should be "worried" that Hogan was the driver and ALMOST ended Nash's career, when we were (supposed to be) cheering for him to ACTUALLY end Nash's career, which he did!!!!! And what does THAT have to do with Sting, since he wasn't even in the damn limo?!? SOMEBODY EXPLAIN THIS TO ME!
AAAAAAAAAAAAND....Bischoff said in his exclusive online offering that the driver of the Hummer was A WOMAN!! (Then again, if it WAS Hogan...) Damn. How'd we get from Carmen Electra to Hogan in just over two weeks? Wait, what am I saying? THIS IS WCW!
Sign in the crowd says "Purple Monkie Refrigerator" - what the HELL does THAT mean?
It's probably a Simpsons reference. There's an ep where the teachers are on strike. Bart wants to keep it that way, so he goes to the back of a crowd of teachers and says, "(Principal) Skinner says the teacher's will cave any minute now." This get passed to the front of the crowd (a la the child's game, telephone) with the last guy telling Mrs. Crabapple "Skinner says we'll cave any minute now, purple monkey dishwasher."
See, 'cause things are supposed to get messed up when you play telephone.
I'm not sure why they misspelled "monkey" or used "refrigerator" instead of "dishwasher," but then, they did go to see WCW live. Eh.
Sign of the night at RAW: "Tennis sucks"
Subject: Re: Raw is War
Great recap as always CRZ.
I know you don't like the Rock always talking about sticking objects up people's asses, so I think you'll like htis: I belive at numerous House Shows in Feburary & Match, Mankind responded to that by saying that Rock must like Men's asses with all that talk of candy asses. Or something like that.
Subject: Nitro Recap
Very funny Nitro recap once again! You know some smarts on the net liked the show since it should wrestling, but I think you expoused how awful a show it really was. Just putting on a garbage match for 5 minutes does not make entertainment.
One thing though. I know you hate the Sid run ins and I knew you would say that the fans expect Sid to come down when we see Mexicans or jobbers in the ring. But, Sid's first run in got a big ovation, and the chants would indicate the fans like it. I guess my point is if the fans are digging it, then they are doing something right with the Sid angle. One thing I won't give WCW props for though is letting Sid have the mic!
Keep up the good work, I know some WCW marks will flame you, but how else can you write up the August Nitro's?
Subject: stupid sign
The purple monkey refrigerator sign is a poor attempt at quoting The Simpsons. The actual phrase was "Purple monkey dishwasher" said by a teacher in telephone game style confusion. Hyatte could never think about something that good as a code, unless he screwed it up in the first place
Subject: "purple monkie refridgerator" sign.
y'know, i would expect more from the man who coined "big poochie".. an obvious simpsons reference.
i'm going to go out on a whim here & assume by "purple monkie refridgerator", this person meant "purple *monkey* *dishwasher*" the latter being an obscure simpsons reference.
i believe the phrase comes from the episode in which the teachers go on strike. bart is in front of the school with the (soon-to-be) striking teachers & initiates a little "whisper down the lane". at the end of the "lane", the phrase is exactly the same as when bart started it, however, someone tacked on "purple monkey dishwasher".
the reverend j. labarge
Oh man ... you're funnier than Nitro deserves ...
I think Pansy Division oughta do Lenny & Lodi's entrance theme!
All I can think of watching Byrlyn is "Now iss der time on Schprockets ven ve wrrrestle!"
I'm dating myself, but I go back with WCW to the 70s NWA & have a lot of residual allegiance n stuff, but CHRIST ECW's gonna smoke 'em worse than WWF is! Poor frickin' Benoit ...
Subject: Half-assed Nitro
Anybody who complains to you or anyone else about your "half-assed" Nitro report clearly wasn't watching the half-assed Nitro you had to report on. (I didn't see it, either, but after reading your report like I always do on Tuesdays, I can imagine what a bad show it was.) My God, WCW sucks.
who would never flip the channel again if RAW got the Nitro girls.
What, there aren't ENOUGH women on RAW?
Subject: Purple Monie (sic) Refrigerator
Is from the teacher's strik episode of the Simpsons. Bart whispers something to one of the striking teachers who passes it to the next person on up to the fron of the line where the last guy tells Ms. Krabapple that Principle Skinner says they'll cave. He ends the message with "Purple Monkey Refrigerator", the noise in the retelling of the message.
I am a sorry, sorry man...
Subject: More detail
In fact the correct phrase from the Simpsons is "Purple Monkey Dishwahser". It is from episode 2F19 "The PTA Disbands", first shown 4/16/95.
I wish I were dead...
Nitro has that effect on people.
Subject: Wasnt the hummer black?
If you watched nitro last night, you of all people shouldve realized that WCW pulled a switch on us. For some odd reason, the hummer is white now. When all the times before it was black. The mysterious BLACK humvee. If you dont believe me, go back to your archives or back to videos from back in the day when they were running that angle. That video they showed monday night, the one where they RECREATED the hummer incident, was totally not the same video, as they have shown previously. I must give WCW credit, they have fooled many people but they didnt fool anyone that i know, as they all remember a black hummer. Now, the only logical reason that i can actually think of as to why they switched it to a white hummer is quite what my friends and associates were thinking as well. They wanted a new angle to spice up the sting and hogan showdown. They became desperate, remembered the hummer angle was unsolved and thought of a way they could use it. My guesses are that they decided on this angle within the past week. Meaning they couldnt take hogans pic in front of a black hummer in his NWO stuff cuz hes shaved up now and doesnt look like hollywood anymore, so they had this picture of a white hummer with hogan next to it. Shot a whole new shot of a white hummer hitting the limo ( Do you remember the limos front door swinging open originally?), showed the pic of hogan in front of the imposter hummer, and played it off like were stupid. If you could look into this for me let me know what you think because its not right. besides think of the internet buzzin over this one? Get back to me and let me know chris.
Thanks for your time
I'm more than a little saddened that all of you actually think WCW would drop ANOTHER hundred grand just so they could change the colour of the Hummer! Well, on the other hand...
Subject: useless announcer chick
If I'm not mistaken, she also introduced the Acolytes as the Accolades. sigh
What happened to the Spanish announce table?
Subject: New WWF tag team?
I'm thinking this.. TAKA and Blackman - Tag team - The Stick Men! (cause they're masters of the stick [mic]! And both can Kung-fu too) Maybe it could be a stable? Add in Ass and Holly's.
Subject: Morris Day and the Time
Your brief citation of the chorus to "Jungle Love" brought back memories, fond and not fond.
The first thing that popped into my head was a MD song about a dance, "Oak Tree." You threw your arms up in the air and yelled "oak tree," or at least that's what happened in the video.
The next was "The Bird," which became Koko B Ware's WWF music. I hate that memory. When I was 7, I tuned into the Memphis rasslin' show for the first time. Koko Ware (no B) had just won a battle royale to become the TV champ. The prize, fittingly enough, was a brand new color TV. Handsome Jimmy Valiant, pissed off about not winning, destroys the TV, then destroys Koko.
This was when Koko was REEEEALLY young, and Lance Russell kept talking about how JV was so mean to "do such a thing to a young kid who got his first big break." Heh, when Koko won, he started jumping up and down, and shook the ref's hand.
When I first saw Koko Ware in the WWF, I was thrilled, as he'd always been one of my favorites since that first show I watched. Then he came out with that stupid bird, Frankie, and I was pissed. How could they use Koko as a JOBBER, especially since he had to endure his TV getting smashed minutes after he won it and only a few months into his rasslin carreer?
If I hate one thing about the WWF, it's that they jobbed Koko out to everyone. I don't care how good he was or wasn't. He was DA MAN as far as I was concerned.
However, one good thing did come out of this.... Bobby Heenan informed us that Koko had relatives named "Tupper," "Under," "Any," and "Every."
Thanks for allowing me to ramble,
"Ahhhh, okay / Perfect imposition girl / You caught me dancing like a tree, uh
It doesn't really matter girl / You know, you can't mess with me, lookout! Uh!"
That was me doing my MEAN Morris Day impersonation just there. Now I'm waving my arms like I'm doing the Oak Tree. I'm FUCKING HILARIOUS right now, take my word for it.
Knowing now that Morris Day THEN (1985) was on a major coke habit kinda explains "the Oak Tree," looking back...
Subject: Re: Cactus Jack and Terry Funk
It says in the PWI almanac that although it appeared the had won the titles,they had failed to lock Billy Gunn and Jesse James in the OFFICIAL dumpster for the match.
But then,who cares?The hardcore Legends(as they were called)got wasted in that cage match,and it was Terry Funks last big run in the company(you tell me if him teaming with scorpio was the highlight if his career,TELL me!!Ha!!)and then Cactus Jack gave an 'emotional speech' you have in your OLd archives(the same ones you add jokes to when they're one year old)and came back and ruined Austin v. McMahon as Dude Love and yadda yadda yadda.Hogan CANT be on Savage's Team!!!Who did Hogan beat for the world title?also...Hogan didnt have his stupid beard in that picture...and he shaved that damn thing a week before going back to the Red and Yella,and that was WAYYYY after they did the ramming the hummer sketch.Wait,this is WCW,who cares?
Believe it or not, I don't add ANYTHING to the "One Year Ago" reports. I was just a lot funnier back then.
Subject: Your Nirto Report and the Monkey Sign
Just read your Nitro report (I use it to see if I should actually waste my time on Wednesday watching it, seeing how we Canadians don't get Nitro till then.....and for the record I've watched one Nitro to date) and saw your comment about the "Purple Monkey Refridgerator" sign. So, to shed a little insight as to why someone would do such a sign.
There's an episode of The Simpsons where the teachers at Springfield elementary go on strike. Bart, wanting to keep the teachers out, starts a rumour which makes its rounds through the staff. When we finally hear the rumour at the end of the sequence it comes out something to the effect of; "The teachers are ready to cave in. Purple Monkey Dishwasher".
See, it's someone's clever commentary on WCW. They have all this talent and possibly some good ideas, but by the time it's passed through the powers that be, it ends up being a bastardized (and unwatchable) version of the original.
Someone should hire that guy as a WCW booker. Either he's a genius, or he's wants to be an ass. Either way, he'd be a perfect fit :)
Keep up the great work
Trevor has the best take on that sign that doesn't involve Mr. Mojo Risin.
Subject: Hogan's candid pix
I didn't tape Nitro, so I might be recalling incorrectly, but in the photo Luger shows to Sting, isn't Hogan missing the black portion of his beard? Wouldn't his hokey beard still have been in place back when the Hummer incident went down?
Continuity glitch or wacky plot device? What's it going to be, "Well you know, Mean Gene, my boy got all nostalgic and said, 'Dad, why aren't you wearing what I packed for you - you know, the black and white?' and I just happened to be driving my white Hummer and looking all suspicious and stuff, and that's when the shot was taken, and I'm really not stabbing Sting in the back, and Luger went and took it out of my gym bag, and ..."
Arrgh. Nitro's like a sharp stick to the eye.
Or a THORN IN YOUR SIDE!
Can you explain to me why Sting would care if Hogan was driving the Hummer that injured Nash? I don't understand this show any more and I wonder why I continue to watch. Will you please set fire to me?
Easy, easy! "Set fire to me!" "Kill me!" Nitro arouses a lot of PASSION, don'cha know. Come to think of it, why WOULD Sting care if.....no, I'm not gonna think about it. No!
Question, when are you getting your purple heart for having to watch the hell that is nitro every week? The least we could do for you is petition 7-11 for free home delivery! Who gets more viewers, nitro, or your nitro recaps?? Ok, I'll stop now.
NO! DON'T STOP! NO! OH MY GOOOAAAGHAAAHAHHAOOOOHHHAHHH! Woooooooooo pant gasp gasp pant pant pant wheeeeeew
Subject: Great Columns
Well it's a big funny column! Laughed out loud the second time I saw "well it's a big..." whatever.
It is sad that we won't get to see the Road Dogg's entertaining Dusty Rhodes-punching impression for a few weeks, but maybe, while he's away, he'll be able to find Dusty's cool polka-dot outfit from his days in the WWF too.
I did see Luger's interview and it was pretty entertaining. I actually was interested too. He spoke rather well, but then I realized it was Luger, so I knew there would be no payoff by the end of the night. (Ok, except maybe we could get a match where we can see Luger getting beat on and then he falls to his hands and knees on all fours and gets kicked in the ribs and we can watch him place himself in just the right position and make it so obvious that it's fake. That's always entertaining to me).
I remember when Luger had no first name and he was just a monster from Florida that Gordon Solie seemed to be scared to be around. Lex was much better when he had no first name and he didn't talk at all.
I guess that would make you the anti-Luger, since you have been funny as hell lately and you should keep talking and doing great columns.
Thanks for the entertainment.
Subject: A note from Roseville
I've been reading your reports for about two months now, and I can honestly say I've never laughed harder than your "well it's a big" stuff when doing the recap for the Big Show's match. It was hilarious, and keep doing it. I was laughing my arse off.
Yeah, well, let's see if you still think it's funny SIX MONTHS from now when I'm still BEATING IT INTO THE GROUND. :)
Subject: raw was not better
I'm surprised you didn't comment how obvious the wheel of fortune booking was when Mankind ran out to save the Rock from BS and UT after the chokeslam through the table. And if X-Pac can kick out of aaaaaaaahhhthechokeslam!, why not the Rock? Hell, he's the first guy to kick out of the stunner.
One thing I was disappointed you didn't notice. (especially since you pointed out all those production flaws in Nitro...) When Mankind entered the ring for the main event, his music was slow to start up, and right before his video came on the titantron, it said something like "The Rock Entrance: Unformatted." in white text on a dark screen. What was that about?
Keep up the good work.
Whoops, strike three. Must have been a bad Monday for me for RAW!
Subject: i cant watch anymore
i really just cant do it anymore. first they take away goldberg's them music(the old theme with the chants of goldberg...goldberg...), then they make him do a tag team with hogan. i will stick to reading your recaps.
Subject: purple monkey refridgerator
You looney wrasslin bastard.....
The 'pruple monkey refridgerator' remark is from an episode of the animated series The Simpsons. The remark is part of the old grapevine gag, where a phrase goes in and is passed along, only to be subtly changed, or in this case the PMR comment added to the end. It occured in the Teachers on Strike episode.
How's that for being REALLY bored.
By the way, Kudos or whatever for your fine and dandy reviews!
Cut my music,
SABU RULES WRESTLING!!
That's IT! I'm SICK of "purple monkey refrigerator!" SICK!!
I'm 24 years old and this is probably the closest to being a groupie I'll ever get. But you do an absolutely fantastic job with your recaps. It's good to know, that just when I thought some of the stupidity on Monday nights couldn't be put into words, you always find the way.
Two quick comments on recent recaps.
Last week when I saw Lilian Garcia ring announcing, the first thing that popped into my head was Mike McGuirk. I'm glad somebody else is either as old as I am, or has enough empty space in their brain to hang onto such worthless information about tremendously poor speakers.
I've pretty much sworn off Nitro. The closest I get to watching it is reading your recap. But this week I taped it out of morbid curiosity. And within the first five minutes, when Sid came down, I saw Charles Robinson holding the Millennium Man signs. The part I found damn funny, was they spelled "Millennium" wrong. Not only on the 73-0 sign, but the 74-0, AND the 75-0. You can't argue with their consistency. Baby steps I guess. Simply baby steps.
Keep up the good work.
Well, the WWF misspelled it "Millenium" the first week of their countdown, so why not have WCW copy them?
Subject: sometimes you're funny
"La Parka in spanish is 'the Parka'" Ha.......HA HA.........HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA.
p.s. Don't give me shit for being on webtv, fucker. I'm a Kings fan for cryin' out loud.
Subject: purple monkie refrig.....
i believe the sign meant to say purple monkey dishwasher which is a quote from a simpsons episode.
My head just exploded. Damn, it's hard to type after your head explodes.
Subject: Nitro ruled
Nitor and Raw were on against each other here in California, and for the firts time in a while I watched more Nitro than Raw. I though Raw sucked, and Nitro kicked ass. Amazing, I was so sick of both Hogan and Luger 6 months ago, and I thought they rocked last night. I was even more into Nitro's main than Raw's.
Ummmmm, I'M in California??
Subject: Nitro Recap this week.
My Name is Lloyd Chapman
and I love ECW.
I thought i would get that out of the way.
oh, if raw could only put on those kinds of matches
I'll just have to settle for being one of the dozzens... and dozzens.. of mick foley fans..
Tom night TSN will be showing nitro (If golf is unavailiable.) and when it does.. I'm going for a slurpee, and dedicating it to you
Any particular flavour? Wild cherry/coke is kinda nice..
A giant slurpee, and a jamacian patty.. (mmm... msg...)
Have a good day Chris
My favourite is split between Cherry and Cola as well. I guess I'm older now that grape and blue raspberry are falling behind...
I for one have not been pleased with Nitro lately. However, this Monday night's show was not that bad. You are off the mark here. If you wouldn't be going in with a negative attitude you might have actually enjoyed it. I actually like the idea of gimmick wrestlers such as Berlyn and the Demon. WWF lives off of this. What is wrong with it in WCW? IF (and that is a big if because from your report I can tell that you didn't) you paid any attention you would have noticed that almost every match (not all but most) had some kind of implication. At least now most everyone is involved in angles and there does seem to be some direction.
So what you're saying is I *didn't* pay any attention to Nitro? Check.
Subject: Something you failed to notice on RAW.
That's ENOUGH!" says Show. ahhhhtheCHOKESLAAAM on the Rock! Mankind has a STEEL chair - well it's a big superkick into the chair into Foley's face. Well it's a big cover - 1, 2, ROCK KICKS OUT? Man, funk DAT. Rock should have jobbed there.
What you forgot is this. When Earl Hebner was counting, he smacked a piece of paper in midair. Perfect timing. Wehn his hand was coming after one, (SMACK) it went up pretty good too.
Well there you go.
Chris: Enjoy your page. You need some columnists, however, who don't have math homework (i.e., The Outside Edge) and who are old enough to drive, if not vote.
Hmmmm....you may have a point....
Subject: wrestling question
Hi. I was wondering if you knew of a wrestler thats real name is Phil Kepplar. My dads friend grew up with this man and said he was a pro wrestler but didnt know his name or what federation he was in. I am pretty sure he is not in the big 2 but i thought you might know if he is in the indys or something. Any information you could give me would be appreciated. Thanks alot.
Well, I haven't....anybody out there heard of Phil Kepplar?
Subject: Nitro notes
Enjoyed the recap this week...I'm a longtime WCW mark, and even I have to concede that they're doing a horrible job right now. Anyway, two points:
I can't believe you gave them a pass for giving us that ridiculous skit about Lodi and Lenny not being able to get into the buliding--and then having Lodi *wrestle* a little while later! How'd he get in? And what in the world was that skit *for*? I mean, most of WCW's skits are pretty useless, and we always expect them to forget continuity--but usually they wait an hour!
Also, the reason that they play "Psycho" (or, if you're Tony, "Konnan's Music Video", the smash follow-up to "Konnan's Music Video" for Rey2D2 is that he's rapping on it, too. Nobody knows this because he appears without his mask in the video, and the brilliant minds at WCW premiered the video *before* he lost his mask! (See, you thought there was no reason to watch that video a second time! B^)
May the day find you at peace and leave you with hope,
Hot damn, ANOTHER good point I completely missed! At least this one's a Nitro one. ;-) So how DID Lenny & Lodi get in the building? Did they dress up as the Godfather's ho's like Patterson & Brisco at the WrestleMania Rage party? Come to think of it, don't Lenny & Lodi strike you as a little ... Stooge-like?
Subject: WCW Angle I may have spotted
I was wondering the whole night about what angles WCW actually has. And while I can't wait for the day when the hummer angle is between Benoit and Norman Smiley, I did spot one thing interesting, and worth mention..
Vampiro did a few run-ins over the course of the show. In the first, he told Riggs he owed him. In the second, he told Karagias the same. He came out again, this time interupting Parka/Blitzkrieg vs Rey/Guerrero. I have yet to find significance in this one, other than it's an angle they had been using. But then the Demon came out (who I swear to condition myself to call Demon all the time, not Bryan Adams). Interesting, ICP said on some radio show that they were going to fight KISS- but I thought it was a joke (like a white clown rapper joke).
What I noticed is that Karagias and Riggs are both men with long black hair- a KISS necessity. Obviously, Demon is looking to fight Vampiro and ICP sometime, and I would put money on Karagias and Riggs becoming KISS Warriors in the process- with Vampiro trying to intervene in advance. My only question is who in the tag match makes up the last Warrior- now that Eddy cut his hair.
Quick thought- maybe Adams had Vampiro out on a recruiting mission for the KISS Warriors, and Vampiro was going to fight the Filthy Animals when he was told that this wasn't the time. Maybe Vampiro (also a musician I hear) is rounding out the KISS line-up with Karagias and Riggs.
Thank god for Damian- he wears blue make-up. WCW should rethink the color strategies it is using. Sting, ICP, Vampiro, Lash (on occasion), and Demon all wear black and white face paint. Good old Damian.
KISS Army. Brrrrrrrr...
Subject: Nitro Report
Was fantastic. I need not say anymore.
Everybody go visit TBR RIGHT NOW!! At least, I hope that's the right URL. Mike's picture isn't in their staff photo list--WHOA! Is it just my imagination or do I kinda look JUST LIKE Blake Norton? That's FUCKING FRIGHTENING.
Hey, what's the DEAL with Blake and Galatea, anyway? You know what I'm talking about.
Subject: WrestleLine Rankings
Please send in your votes for the WrestleLine Rankings. I realize it makes sense to wait until after SmackDown and Thunder before voting, but I ask that you get them to me either thursday night or as early as possible on Friday.
Associate Producer, CBS Sportsline
This is like the FIRST week that both WrestleLine producers have written me, I think. ANYWAY, it looks like I'm contributing to the WrestleLine Rankings (if I bother to find the time AND remember to send it in) - I'm wondering if I can somehow turn this over to you guys. Are you even INTERESTED in the WL Top 10 rankings? Are they suddenly MORE interesting with me involved in helping make the decision?
That link is here, by the way. WL appreciates your clicks. ;-)
Subject: Please forgive me!!!!!
Please forgive me! I meant no offense, but I feel so very very dirty. I was immensely bored, I swear, and though I had already read your Raw and Nitro reports, I decided to sample the reporting style of Nitro by a person I shall only refer to as "Galat*a".
THIS is reporting!? And people criticize *you* for not doing play by plays!? When the only move transcribed in the Kaz Hayashi/Lodi match is a "mid-air twist" methinks some internal investigating is necessary.
I promise, oh CRZ, never to stray again...at least not until another Golden Calf is offered for my distraction.
I'm telling you...there's something THERE with those constant references to Blake Norton....uh huh....something...HEY! Maybe she's just another of Norton's personalities!!
Subject: Please help out your neighbours up north
Dear whoever bothers reading this:
As I'm sure you know, us Canadians do not yet have any way of getting Smackdown. Everyone keeps mentioning how we could e-mail someone, but no one seems to have any where to send the mail. Well, we have a new all-sports channel (CTVSportsnet) that carries Heat. My brother's friend works in production there and said he heard some higher-ups mentioning they'd be interested in airing Smackdown if fans demonstrated any interest. Whether this story is true or not (my brother's friend has a nasty crack habbit), it can't hurt to bombard CTVSportsnet with e-mail. So, I am respectfully begging you to encourage your readers to go to
and submit their request for Smackdown. Unfortunately, I can't really return the favour for you guys (I could help you lobby to get Canadian Football League games on UPN, but it's not the same thing), but millions ... and millions of wrestling fans up here would greatly appreciate any help you would be willing to offer.
Thank you very much for your time. I love WrestleLine (most of it).
PS - We spell 'neighbour' with a 'u' in Canada. Please don't hold it aginst us.
HELP A CANADIAN BRUTHA OUT!
Subject: Where abouts of Fuji
He works here in my town of Knoxville Tennessee at a Regal Cinemas at the mall. People are always asking for his autograph. he seems to enjoy his new job of ticket collecting. oh well. great job on the recaps, youre damn funny
I actually remember reading an article about this once...thanks for the reminder!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Last week's Mail