I Get Letters
Thanks to: Jim Gramze
Sorry to be a day late here - I fell asleep. I HATE when that happens! Sleep is for the TIRED! Oh, wait...
Anyway, here's about 72 letters or so. If you get bored halfway through, at least scroll down to read the last two - some interesting insights on Nitro that ALMOST approach "breaking news!"
At the very least, more on the INTRIGUING developing story of the burgeoning Shannon/CRZ "feud." Hey, what else are you gonna talk about? There STILL aren't any Mop-Ups available yet!
Subject: The Revolution
This is from awhile back, but in one of your Nitro recaps you asked a question along the lines of "Where the frick did they come up with the 'Out with evolution, in with revolution' catchphrase, other than the fact that they needed a word to rhyme with 'revolution'?" ...
Well, I was leafing through some old books a couple of days ago, when I came upon this line :
"Progress is not made by evolution, but by revolutions" - Pierre Simon Ballanche
Now, far be it from me to claim that the WCW bookers have enough brain cells in their heads to go around quoting 18th-century philosophers, but that's the best explanation for the origin of the catchphrase that I can come up with ... other than the fact that they needed a word to rhyme with "revolution" :)
I thought I'd skip the boring 'You're The Best' crap because you really must be bored of that ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Anyway...
I thought I'd respond to something on your 'I Get Letters' feature...Some poor soul wrote in regarding Jericho only fighting DX members and you replyed 'What about Shamrock'. Ha - I'll tell you what about Shamrock..... Well fair enough, they did fight in the first blood thingy but that's not a real match in my book, so he has only fought X-Pac, Road Dogg and Ass monkey. Well I don't think this is a mistake or teaching people on the Net not to rumour-mill. I think the original DX will reform at the PPV this Sunday, with X-Pac, the Outlaws and JERICHO!!! And that would mean that the WWF had done something clever...used its talent base while it can, because when (ok IF) Jericho joined DX he couldn't fight X-Punk or the NAO as they'd be teammates. Plus the WWF has a history of really stacking people against others (like The Rock's heel turn before Survivor Series wasn't it?) to make us think they'd NEVER turn. By putting Jericho against the DX members we all already subconsciously think that they are all pitted AGAINST eachother.
More evidence for the reforming DX:
ANYWAY the door is also open for HHH to join back with DX because he seems to be out of favour with everyone at the mo', but not Ass, Dogg or X-Pac (Or Jericho for that matter).
Well that's that, it seems to have turned into a bit of a sermon/essay than a letter, but it will make a funny addition to your 'I Get Letters' page after absolutely nothing remotely similar to this happens at the PPV.
See ya later,
ps/ I thought this might amuse you, about 4 months ago (or a but more or less) when you were still on Wrestlemaniacs.Com a friend of mine told me he thought WCW was stupid. I said 'Why do you think this?' and he said 'because they had a match between Rey Mysterio Jr and Chavo Guerrero Jr and you know what the stipulation was?' 'What?' said I. 'Loser drops the 'Jr' from his name'. I just laughed. He was serious sadly.
Subject: Why do US crowds have no heat?
This one's for your Letters page, Chris...
I feel that whilst Unforgiven was a poor card, which failed to be entirely rescued by a strong, if somewhat unspectacular main event, it was not in any way helped by the total lack of heat shown by the North Carolina crowd. Events such as One Night Only, Capital Carnage and No Mercy, whilst falling short of the normal standards set by "proper" PPVs, have all had great heat, in my opinion, due to the fact that the WWF doesn't visit our shores that often...
Further evidence of this is visible when the WWF goes to Canada: Gang Rulz and Canadian Stampede had AWESOME crowd heat, whilst if my memory serves, IYH standard events like Breakdown and Rock Bottom, whilst acknowledged by many as being mediocre, STILL drew better heat from the Canadian fans than seen at their peers. Again, I feel that the WWF's limited Canadian road-schedule had a positive effect on these shows.
When the WWF can visit a facility like the Greensboro Coliseum, for example, and in the space of only TWO years, stage possibly TWO PPVs, SIX Raws and perhaps now, a couple of Smackdowns, not to mention fifteen or more house shows, it is little wonder that the act of catching the WWF live becomes less "special". This problem is merely compunded if the exact same situation is evident in the next town or State over.
I would like to know if other Slash readers have an opinion on this matter, and if they would agree with me in suggesting that the WWF re-evaluate its established road-schedule, avoiding the established cities for a while, and finding new, fresh crowds, whilst the existing ones have the opportunity to become less jaded....
Aberdeenshire, SCOTLAND, U.K.
Subject: million dollars
where is my million dollars? wcw is now fogetting angles that involved the fans. I always enjoy your reports
Subject: do you ever wonder if actual wrestlers enjoy your stuff??
Holy Crap, man!! Kevin Nash has a link to wrestleline.com from his official web page! Who would've thought he'd ever lead the brainless Nash fans to learning the real ins and outs of the wrestling world. This probably means he even reads your stuff from time to time. He'e even got a link to ddtdigest.com. I'll be damned. a big fan of your work
I think if I ever found out wrestlers were reading my stuff, I'd get REAL self-conscious and it'd destroy me. So let's keep it a secret, okay?
Subject: I have a theory........
For the Second week in a row, WCW has "buried" Goldberg in the first hour. But I'm not sure this has been a correct guess. Notice Goldberg's new attitude and mouth? Ithink WCW is preparing him to take over in the 2nd and 3rd hours, and right now the only time to put him out there without any competition so that the fans WILL stay with WCW while RAW is on the air. Could it be that WCW is acting proactive?????
It SOUNDS like a good strategy..of course, they USED to have Goldberg in the main event against Scott Putski and Al Green, too. Anyway, I don't mind Goldberg going six minutes against Hugh Morrus - he can't get better continuing with the two minute squashes, so give him some longer matches and let's see if he can develop and stretch out his moveset. Why not? Oh, because his matches are foregone conclusions? You know, call me nuts, but unlike Vince Russo I *can* see ways to make foregone conclusions entertaining, even to the point of forcing the fans to sit through a six minute (or, heaven forbid, even longer! match)...
Hey Chris was the ref for the Bagwell/Vamp match the "nWo" ref? You know the one who Steiner and Bagwell had brought in? Just wondering.
You know...I think you're right! Good eye!
I am watching Nitro and I see Tony say the Booker T was probably an all around athlete in high school. He says he probably played all sports in school. Funny thing, I seem to remember Mike Tenay saying that Booker T never played high school sports and he played the clarinet in the band. Let me ask you a question. How in the hell do I know that and the head announcer for WCW doesn't? That is amazing that Tony is so stupid. I mean Jesus.
The Bulldog HHH segment went up against search for T&A. What? Where do they get the nerve to ask why they get pasted in the ratings. Right now I am watching the "exciting" Van Hammer V. DFG match. Wow, another resthold. I am sorry, I couldn't keep quite about my hatred for "some" segments of Nitro. I loved Mysterio V. Malenko. It seems just like yesterday when WCW was showing Chucky V. Ric Steiner in a "interview". I write interview in parenthesis because Ric can't speak English. Please excuse the spelling in this quickly typed... essay? Hall, Flair, and Hart are Gods among men.
Subject: like, Love, NEED! your column!
Hey, what's up?
I am one of the millions of people conditioned (doomed) to watch wrestling every week(WCW). Even though I watch wrestling (probably as penance for some bad deed) I still read your column every week. You replace my shame with you own brand of "Perfect" cynicism. Thanks for all the laughs.
p.s. When is Fat Tony going to get his choke slam?
When WCW can find a wrestler who can LIFT him...
Ok, so it wasn't really the Rock's high school football coach. I'll accept that - after all, this IS wrestling. And that girl never went to the Rock's high school. Fine. But the Freedom High School WARRIORS??? Dammit, Mankind, if you're going to get the name of the school right, at least get the name of the TEAM right, too!!! It's the Freedom High School PATRIOTS!!!! Not like this makes any difference whatsoever to anything, but as an FHS alumn, I was offended.......hehehe
BTW, what a lame ending to a drawn out spot.......
Kinda like a Monty Python skit - "well it isn't a PROPER punchline-- " "SHUUUUT UP!"
Subject: Right on
I think your best work is when the WWF puts on a sub-par RAW. Not that the reports have been bad, but this weeks was AWESOME. I totally marked out for the Stockdale and the "Bizarre" comments. I too, was wondering last night if you were going to bring up Kitty's G-string, Pattersons walk on role and Triple H into a sign.
The best comment about the overuse of Triple H's music was by the OO. He said that if WWF the Music Vol. 4 is anything like Smackdown, you'll have Triple H's Music 5 times on the CD. ( or words to that effect)
Keep up the goodwork!!!
Subject: Wrestlemaniacs reports
First off let me tell you...your reports are pure gold. I laugh my ass off everytime I read your stuff. Since you are one of those internet smart types could you please explain...What the fuck has happened to the WWF over the last month?!? That PPV was Unforgiving...to any fan. If they keep up like this No Mercy will be aptly named. And the 9-27-99 RAW?!?? You called that episode perfect. It was absolute shit. I kept waiting for druid music myself. My friends and I have been doing a little beer/BBQ thing on Monday where we have 2 TVs, One for Monday Night Football and the other for RAW is WAR. We turned both of them over to the football game at times and even over to Nitro. Has the WWF went and hired Eric Bischoff? What's next the old Rasslin Ted's War-room sketches again? Anyway, rant mode off.
If I ever go to a RAW show here in Lexington, KY you can look for a CRZ Rules poster. Keep up the good work.
Subject: Sean Shannon
Isn't it kind of funny that Sean Shannon badmouths you on Wrestleline and on his own site, yet his reports are poorly written knock offs of your own reports?
I mean if he is going to steal your sarcastic gimmick (which I personally enjoy), the least he could do is make it readable and somewhat less lame, couldn't he? Then again, that would require some originality which doesn't seem to be his strong suit.
I guess that is why I never bother with Rantsylvania.
Subject: 9/27 Raw
No, I'm not going to complain about your bias at all. I thought that was one of the wrost RAWs I've ever seen, maybe even "the" worst. The only reason I didn't send an e-mail to WrestleLine right after RAW ended was that I was well on my way to sleepytime by the time 10 pm (CDT) rolled around.
So what, did 3/4 of the company have the night off? Or were Al Snow, Bossman, Acolytes, Hardys, Dudleys, Edge & Christian, the New Brood, Val Venis, Godfather, Shane McMahon, Test and Stephanie, etc. on strike as well? No, I missed the picking out the tux segment, like I care. Did the people of Greensboro actually have to pay real money to witness that in person? Was RAW sponsored by the San Francisco 49ers, thinking this was the only way people would switch over to watch them play the Cardinals?
Maybe I've just got too many questions. In fact, when I switched over to MNF and saw it was 17-0 in the second quarter, I thought it would be a perfect night for anything other than TV. Actually, maybe the organization responsible for last night's RAW was ESPN, I wonder how many other people switched over from RAW when they realized ESPN2 was showing some sort of who-cares billiards tournament & stopped there when one of the female competitors was wearing a top that only had two buttons. See, I focus on things like this when the choice is that or Moolah and Mae Young. Yikes!
Then I figured it out. It was all a plot by the McMahons, to see if RAW can still win the ratings war when they put out 2 hours of crap? The ratings should be very interesting, if they still came out on top over Nitro even with last night's show, they can really turn that sideways and stick it up Nitro's --- well, you know the rest.
James W Schmidt
You are undoubtedly the finest reviewer on the internet and reading your recaps is one of the few bright spots in my weary workday (always have the BACK of your computer facing your office door-it makes them think you're actually working) You are right on the money with the Unforgiven and Raw opinions, last night had to be the worst in months. My 11-year-old son's thoughts were "maybe they were tired from last night" - lets hope so. On Nitro, is anyone over the age of ten really buying into the bald, orange bastard's save-the-day routine? One more thing, Hogan and Savge claim to be 46 - what a joke - I'm 48 and the sorry son's of bitches look like my grandfather! Keep up the great work...
Wait...you let your SON watch RAW?
You are not biased. RAW SUCKED!!!! I love Rock and Mankind as much as anyone-maybe more-but that was ridiculous! And what's up with the old ladies??? That was more disturbing than any figure four on anybody-GROSS! I actually watched more Nitro last night and enjoyed it. Just keep on keeping it real, report it like it is, If it sucks, then day just that-IT SUCKS!
Tasha N. Williams
I have a question and Iam hoping you might be able to shed some light on the subject. There have been numerous internet reports (even some on wrstleline) that Austin is going to turn heel. I cant imagine him as a heel...he already doesnt like anybody he fights anybody what could the WWF do to turn this guy heel. Just wondering
IF that's what they decide to do, you can bet they'll get it done - witness the Herculean lengths they've gone to try to get Triple H over as the Champ!
Subject: Just cuz I'm an idiot...
I could have sworn on Lex Luger's grave that Barbarian was victim number one for Goldberg. And why, oh why did I not watch the first hour of Nitro?I miss Miss Elizabeth and she shows up and from what I hear *really* shows up. And why am I bothering you with this ? Sheesh, I better get a life or something.
So now what's this evil bidness (Dustyism) betwixt you and Shannon ? Sounds compelling.
Thanks for always being a great read.
It was Hugh Morrus, I promise you. Swearing on Lex Luger's grave, however, is REALLY funny.
Subject: your reporting
Can you be a little more specific, please?
Subject: Re: your reporting
you write your reports so that only you understand them, same thing for your jokes.
Well, that may be true, but I believe if you stick with me for a few weeks, you'll settle into my rhythm. I'm like a good shoe that you need to break in but then I get REALLY comfortable..or something. I never WAS good with metaphors and symbolism and all that stuff...I'm a MATH guy!
Subject: Raw/Nitro Reports
Hey there CRZ. I've been reading your reports for a couple of years now, and I'd just like to make one little request. Please please please don't get into a flamewar with Sean Shannon. He has trouble letting things go like the Rock likes do to catchphrases. So if you start stuff with each other it will drag out for months, and I'd rather not be forced to wade through the steaming piles of crap that would put at the top of your reports. Can't we all just get along?
has the same birthday as the Rock
Apparently, I started this back in February, so it's ALREADY gone on for months and months, only I've been completely unaware of it. I'm not terribly interested in protracted feuds with ANYBODY, honest!
It went down like this:
Quite amusing, really, if a bit sad.
I have no beef with Sean and find the whole thing very disappointing - I wish him well and I hope Rantsylvania puts WrestleLine out of business - but at the same time, I ain't holding my breath.
Sean will get his last word in Friday, next Monday, and maybe also next Friday, and maybe we can leave it at that.
Subject: Sting attacking HOgan
When Sting hitting hogan with the bat was the funniest thing I've seen in wrestling in years. I laughed my ass off!
John Brad Applewhite
Okay, I admit it - I kinda did, too. I think it was Sting's fake kiddie voice that sealed the deal for me!
Glancing over your Raw report, just thought I'd mention that if I'm not mistaken... That's Rick 'The Model' Martel's old theme music being played when Mrs. Betty Griffith comes out to greet the Rock.
I know this because I still have 'WWF Royal Rumble' for the Sega Genesis. Not that it really matters, but just a bit of info I have in my brain keeping things I should learn in school out.
Hey, who am I to argue with a SEGA GENESIS? Not that, you know, it's THINKING or anything...
Subject: Nitro report
Do you realize that at one point you typed "Page, Package and Luger"? Oh, by the way, WCW's new video game Mayhem is pretty good. Yep, Mayhem. It's sheer Mayhem. Yea, MAYHEM all right. Its a CD...named Mayhem.
Nitpick, nitpick, nitpick...
Subject: great work!
Man, you have the most complete recaps I have ever read(funny as hell). You and Micasa really make wrestleline a great site. Umm, and that's it.
ViVa La TaCO'Z
Subject: the trip, the slip and the wane of the moon
The gremlins were certainly out on raw last night. you noted the pat patterson whoops, but did you catch 3H almost going ass over nose when he tripped on something leaving his 'dressing' room, nice recovery though. Or my personal favorite when JR called her Miss Titty! Say what you will, but (on occasion) this is live TV, and anything can happen! keep up the good work!
David E. "The Big Bopper" Everard
JR called her WHA...?
Subject: . . . . . .
Judging from your reports, you certainly seem to have a high opinion of your intelligence and your writing abilities, so you probably don't need someone like me to tell you this, but:
YOU ARE THE BEST WRESTLING RECAPPER ON THE INTERNET.
That is not a gushing declaration of awe intended to inflate your ego (although it probably will). That is not an empty piece of flattery designed to get you into the sack. That is not a slobbering attempt to get over with you. Most importantly, though, that is not an exaggeration.
In your reports, you convey a sharp, sharp, SHARP sense of humour while clearly communicating your love of the "sport." In your own way, you take wrestling very seriously and that kind of dedication is to be admired.
Al Issacs seems dedicated too, though, and he is neither as insightful or funny as you. (And he is, so I've heard, a stand-up comedian of all things.) You are capable of making fun of wrestling while not ridiculing it, teasing it while not portraying it as worthless.
The reason guys like Sean Shannon and Scott Keith (plus umpteen more) allude to you and copy your style and, ultimately, run you down is simple: jealousy. They don't have the wit and they don't have the writing ability.
Lord knows you probably knew this already. You seem like the kind of flamboyantly egotistical personality who feeds on abuse AND praise. However, I found myself thinking that perhaps you don't get enough e- mails telling you how superior your reports are, and I decided to thank the man who entertains me with his energetic reports on Wednesday morning. Thanks a lot, you cocky bastard.
(Oh, alright, I DID write this to get you in the sack! Not mad, are ya?) ;-)
Not at all - how big are your tits? ... Hey, wait a minute!!
Subject: you're too much of a purist...
I used to call myself a "wrestling purist." I started watching way back in 86, and until I stopped watching back in 93, when I was 15, I loved wrestling for, well, wrestling! But something strange happened around 93, and not just for me, but for many fans...wrestling got boring. We all left the sport en masse. Watching a straight out wrestling match became a chore. I didn't start watching again till late mid 97, when Stone Cold began his shenanigans...followed, of course, by DX. My point is this: No one wants to see NWA circa 1989 anymore.OK, maybe not everyone, but most. When someone asks me what I love about Raw, it's the fact that it's transcended wrestling. To quote Vinny Mac, it's an action adventure show, sprinkled with sex and some other television elements. It is now my favorite television show...something I would have never said, say, 7 years ago. You must adapt with the times, Chris. People are bored with Chavo taking on Juvi over on TNT. They want to see a hybrid of great action with comedy...ala the GREAT Mankind-Rock segment on Raw. I mean, how could you NOT love it? Was it wrestling? Absolutely not. Was it entertaining? Hell yeah. Do you mean to tell me you really don't love the chemistry of The Rock and Mankind, that that segment wasn't funnier than most prime time sitcoms the networks air? It's all about Sports Entertainment, Chris. Wrestling, as we know it, is dead and buried on TNT. I can assure you it will NEVER make a comeback.
p.s. I BET that Rock-Mankind segment garners an unbelievable quarter hour.
You know, call me a workrate elitist, but I truly believe that if wrestlers were, you know, BETTER WRESTLERS, people could get into the *wrestling* part of it again. Kidman and Psychosis lit up the joint with WRESTLING last Monday. Glorified brawls ARE boring when it's all you get - that's why the WWF is relying on all this other non-wrestling stuff - they don't have a whole lotta wrestlers at the moment. The bottom line is, what's gonna happen when the popularity of the WWF crests and wanes, just like it would for any other television show? Where do they go THEN? And are they planning for that moment now - or are they going to get stuck, waiting until later, perhaps naively hoping it NEVER arrives?
Subject: You are officialy the coolest man on earth
Ok Maybe not, but this was still pretty cool.
Crowd is...apathetic. I bet they're all waiting for him to say that he's BIZARRE!
That was the greatest interview of all time and NO ONE knows about it or at least talks about it. Other then you saying "That move never works" when some one kicks out of a perfect plex, that was the best thing you've ever written. And if you are COMPLETELY bored then check out his interview on the PPV where he faces Bret for the title...or don't. Anyways.
I've waited a long time to use that line - mostly because I kept forgetting! I'm glad the Bulldog's back.
Subject: I agree
I agree completely with you comments on RAW...it sucked. I don't know what Vinnie-Mac and the others were thinking but it hurt me to watch...as a WWF fan for the last 10 years, I found myself switching over to NITRO...
I will disagree with you on one point though.....the Rock's "THis is your Life" from Mankind, made my stomach ache.....what for god's sake was the point....
Are you SURE we're disagreeing there?
Subject: That "One" Clash of the Champions.
Hogan vs Flair.... circa July/August 1994. That was when there was a lockout in Hockey, Baseball had a strike, Basketball season ended and Football didn't start yet. How could I forget the Nancy Kerrigan parody when WCW had a literal open seat to get the highest ratings ever with a Flair vs Hogan TV match and no sports competition only to blow it with that *stupid* additional story line.
I remember watching it live with Joe and what a fuckin' joke. The worst part was they kept split-screening the AWESOME Steamboat/Austin match to show the ambulance being loaded with Hogan's carcass - bleah. And I BELIEVE that was Steamboat's final match...?
Subject: the wrestling community vs crz?
Just wanted to say that you're still the funniest- and far and away the best- recapper on the 'net. I read Rantsylvania's recaps this morning because yours weren't up yet (I'll cut you some slack, it was only 5:30 AM your time) and throughout the entire thing I just kept noticing, wow, this isn't CRZ. Though I *did* see that one of the recappers printed an email you sent him about being good. Or at least he made it look like it was from you :) At any rate it's interesting that despite everyone talking about being better than you they still print your comments like you're a god. Ah well, as far as wrestling reporting goes, you are, so I'll let it slide :) I know emails like this come across as brown nosing but hey, I know how great it is for the ego to read stuff like this so- here you go =) Keep up the good recap work, and continue being cynical and bitter and evil- it's why we love you!
Don Becker writes good. He wanted me to link to his report again but I can't be bothered - but I will say "GO VISIT THE SHOOTERS!" once again if it'll help.
Subject: something else...
You kick ass as a writer, but that's not the point right now. When's this coachella thing? Could you direct me to a site where i can find out more about it? If you could somehow sort through your millions (and millions) of e-mails and reply to this one, i'd really appreciate it. I gotta see this!
Check out their site - does this lineup KICK ASS or what?
Subject: The Rick Rude note
Hah, I loved Rick Rude (RIP) when he did that last year. "Someone cancelled my plane tickets...GOLDberg" Heh, I think it's pretty cool they're letting Heenan diss on Hogan now too.
Something that's been nagging me: are you Canadian? On dates, you put the day before the month, not the usual here, but standard in Canada. You also put a "u" in "favourite", the preferred Canadian spelling.
So, what's the deal?
I'm a quirky semi-Anglophile!
Subject: Dennis Miller Jr.?
Haha, just read your Raw report and was very impressed. Not everyone can find a way to make an Admiral Stockdale reference in the middle of a wrestling report! Hey, it was worth it for the 5 people who will get it!!!
Wayne A Arthur
I've said it before, and I'll say it again - the BEST stuff is the stuff that I and ONE other person get - because that other person will think it's hilarious, and write me to tell me so. That's when I REACH PEOPLE, MAAAAN! That's what this gig is all about! CONTACT!
Subject: 09.28.99 Raw Report
It's NOT thinking, God dammit!! It's just a video game!
Finally someone else said what I've been saying! Great RAW recap by the way. I'm without a t.v. while at college so I can only live vicariously through your reports while without the magic of television. Finally, Does Steve Blackman still have that crappy ring entrance music, by the way?
Yep - kinda sad. That old theme ROCKED OUT
Subject: hhh's boooing/music
It is illogical to think the fans are booing hhh's music because they cheered for chyna when she came out to face jj.This makes your comment incorrect.
Well, you've got me there, I guess.
Marvin S. Aikens
Just a piece of trivia. I was at Chris Jericho's website and apparently the match with Big Show on Raw was match 1000 for him
Marv, a fellow Meng fan (where the hell is that guy?)
He's gonna eat PIZZA!
Subject: Re: Raw is War
After Raw is Crap last night, I have decided their is ONE way to save the WWF:
Booker in a Cell Match: Vince Russo is locked in a steel cage in the ring with Charles Manson. After 5 minutes the ring will explode. If Russo is somehow still alive, armed guards around the ring will get the order "Shoot to kill". And if he is STILL alive, a lethal injection wil be administered. Then Terry Taylor takes his place as booker, and the winners are the fans. The losers are Used Car Salesman everywhere, who will have lost one of their own.
Only YOU can prevent Russo.
I'll bet Russo got a nice bonus from that 8.4 quarter hour. Sigh.
This segment DESERVES to lose if there's anything resembling wrestling at ALL on Nitro. Of course, it'll probably just double up on the competition. Sigh.
More prophetic words have never been written. what was it...like triple?
Well I got a real nice nap out of the segment and a realization that I share the Rock's birthday (the most electrifying birthday in sports entertainment?)
Hey, have you met Tom Cruz? He's got the same birthday too...
Subject: raw report
I for one thought the RAW report was pretty damn funny. My only complaint is that I thought you were a little hard on the Rock /Mankind thing. It was long and little annoying but it was saved, in my opinion, by how ridiculous it was. It was certainly funnier than any of the lame ass sitcoms on opposite it. I haven't laughed so hard at a "sporting" event since the Bulls played the Magic in the NBA finals. Let's face facts, also anything RAW does has to better than the steaming piles WCW serves up. Even though it wasn't wrestling.
chick and WWF fan
Just wanted to let you know that even though I may be the only person on the planet who got your "David Flair playing Bob Newhart" reference, it really made my day.
Thanks a lot.
Hey, go visit the DDT Digest when you're done here, too. Right after the Shooters. Yeah!
Subject: Nitro Sting Heel Music
The entrance music that Sting, The Total Package, and DDP went to sounded like a live version of "Seek and Distroy" by Metallica.
I'll bet it's on the WCW CD, too, right?
Subject: the rock segment
drew an 8.2. The world is over, and I don't feel fine
8.4 but I know how you feel...
Subject: Screw KICU
I just wanted to sympathize with about Jakked and Metal on KICU, as a fellow Bay Area wrestling fan. If you ever have the urge, drop me a line and we'll suck down a couple beers and firebomb the KICU studio sometime. Actually, that seems a bit extreme, but maybe it won't after a couple beers.
Anyways, don't let that heat recapper get to you. You write a good column and I love how you make fun of the Big Show's music in your column. That's good shit. Well its a big boot, although it annoys my buddies when I commentate his matches that way. But, it annoys me every time they it doesn't matter what I am having for dinner(or whatever question they ask me, that I foolishly answer)
The M2K problem
(yes, I was referring to myself that way before the premier of Y2J, but you don't hear me screaming about gimmick infringement he's just done a better job getting himself over than me)
Subject: RAW report
Thank you for ripping RAW. When I get to thinking my white trash side is beginning to show, out comes an 8.4 rating for one of the most overdone segments in a long time. It WAS lame.
The only thing I got from watching was that you can't say "balls" on USA but you can say "poontang pie".
As always, I thoroughly enjoy your writing.
Subject: Rock and Sock
Chris, you must be on crack! Albeit, it did take up a large portion of Raw, but it was worth everydamn minute. That had to be the most entertaining segment I have ever seen. And if you want a reality check, just watch it again, and listen to the 19,000 plus that were into the segment the whole time. That has to be the longest time that 2 wrestlers have kept the crowd into a frenzy.
Drawing out your catchphrases is not a talent.
Subject: Jumbled Thoughts
Just a few jumbled thoughts...
At first I thought that WCW was trying to turn ol' Stink into an anti-hero ala Cone Stold Steve, but they continue to hammer home how "evil" he is with goofy video segments and announcer hysterics. OK, lemme see, he punks out Hogan(the guy who has spent the last two or three years screwing him out of title matches and what not)and Hart(the guy who hit him with a bat at a PPV last year) and that makes him a heel? It makes him smart to me. If he were really smart he'd thwack Luger and Page with that bat and go it alone. Ah well, it's WCW, it's not supposed to make sense!
Raw blew chunks and that Rock/Mankind segment actually had me looking for Mike, Crow and Tom Servo. The only thing that would have been worse was if the Gobbledygooker had been under the hood. Maybe he'll make his triumphant return at the next PPV.
I've been steadily losing interest in both WCW and WWF for the past couple of months, and ECW's Friday night commercial marathon hasn't captured my attention. Oh, well, at least I have my Dreamcast to help me escape my pitiful reality. It IS thinking, by the way...
I totally agree. STING IS THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE and it's a shame the commentators don't PRAISE him. But your Dreamcast IS NOT THINKING!!!!
Subject: 99x and Rey
cool, you own a 99x shirt, I live in georgia and listen to them so I'm required to. Anyway not that I nit-pick a lot, ok I do but the move that rey beat dean with, wasn't it an Oklahoma Roll, I didn't think he did the arm movement for a mastrial
Okay, I'll buy that. MAYBE.
Subject: WWF shows true colors
I don't know how anybody can say you are biased about the WWF. For the past few months and maybe longer you have nothing but bashed WCW. And as I think about it you were probably right to do so. But Finally I have seen someone on thes site critisize the WWF. I know sometimes they have good story lines but their wrestling is crap. And now that their storylines suck the whole show sucks and if they are not careful WCW is going to piss alot of Smart fans or whatever off and upset WWF in the ratings war. Maybe wishful thinking on my part but they did it before and I know they can do it again. Anyway I just wanted to say thanks for letting me know that someone can actually say something bad about WWF. Someone finally noticed their show is crap and their stars are nothing more than cliches.
One more thing. If Austin is so good then how come he is starting to not be as popular as he was 2 years ago when Hogan was popular for 10 years straight? And still is to most peoples eyes.
Just a thought.
Great report CRZ keep them coming.
Subject: And that's the bottom line........
I think the time has come to turn Mr. Austin into a heel. The WWF missed a golden opportunity at "Unforgiven" (which, by the way, the WWF is after putting on that crap fest...gimmie an ECW pay-per-view anyday) to turn Austin heel: Rock goes for the People's Elbow, kick to the gut (usually horribly missed), Stunner, Austin places HHH on top of the Rock, counts the three. Why would Austin help HHH? That question, of course, is hard to answer. Maybe that's why they didn't do it.
In the end, I guess Austin would have to side with Vinnie Mac (who of course reverts back to his old (new?) ways).
I dunno, I laughed during the "This is Your Life" segment. Sue me.
My lawyers will contact your lawyers.
Subject: One more thing...
The fact that you made an obscure-o reference to a Rick Rude interview the day after "Bash at the Beach '98" about why he wasn't at the Goldberg/Henning match makes you the man.
(don't know why I remember that too)
Oh...well, I guess the suit is off then. Never mind. ;-)
Subject: Yo WWF RAW
Ok so it wasn't great, but some of that stuff was really funny. Poontang Pie? Too much. And Mae young is a tough broad. The ratings are through the roof, which tells me that some of you guys don't really know the audience that watches this stuff. It's no longer the core wrestling fans. They are still there(i'm one of them), but it has gotten so much wider in terms of age, race, and gender. You might of hated it, but its paying your bills. I think you do a great job other wise, just remember - It's comedy too.
You don't want to lose the core audience. When the fair weather fans are gone, you'll only continue to get money off the core audience. You better ensure that they stick around and are still available when the good times turn bad. Mark my words...
Subject: Finally the voice of reason
Thank you thank you thank you thank you for being the first person on the Internet to admit that Unfogiven sucked. God that show was awful save the main event. And you're also right, as always, about that dog cage crap match. They should have left the cage up for the main event to make all the time spent assembling it worth its while.
Anyway, thank you for always keeping it real. F those who know no better.
Subject: a letter
I noticed you talking trash about this guy the Nitro report who writes on Rantsylvania so I checked that out. Jesus Christ, he totally ripped you off. From the style of the writing down to the way he puts the little smartass comments for who the wrestlers have coming to the ring with them. I gotta point this one out, because it was the worst, simply BRET "ASSHOLE" HART. I mean, c'mon. Is that as good as this guy can get? He sucks. I've been reading your reports for the better part of a year and some change. You do a great job and actually contribute some redeeming value to Nitro. Wow ... imagine that.
Your report on Nitro is emotionally dead on with how I felt watching it. After the Sin run-in on Norman Smiley I got pissed and stayed on Raw. Then I felt guilty not supporting my hero Chris Benoit so I went back and saw him wrestle with Dick Steiner. Why does Benoit continue to stay there?
For the money?
Subject: Monday nights
My Spanish is a little rusty, but what's a mask v. cowboy match?
Also, just wondering that while recapping Nitro in only the fine amount of detail you provide (or isn't that what Rick always says) if you noticed how Goldberg was busted open on the leg? I thought you couldn't hurt him? Oh well.
One last thing, I just wanted to know to run something by you. I think the new name for the WWF PPV in December is Armageddon. If it is, would that be a nice bit of foreshadowing? In '97, the December PPV was IYH: Degeneration-X. The following Wrestlemania saw Shawn Michaels (of DX naturally) lose the belt to Austin. In '98, the December PPV was IYH: Rock Bottom. The following Wrestlemania saw the Rock lose the belt to Austin. With all of the talk of Armageddon about the Big Show from Jim Ross et al, will they really deliver on the Austin/Wight at WM2000 that everyone predicted 6 months or so ago? Now I'll probably have gone through that and the new name of the December PPV won't be Armageddon. Figures.
Thanks, and hope the sarcasm wasn't too bad-
Subject: (no subject)
I haven't seen Hall, Nash, or Big Poppa Pump in a long time. Where are they?
Apparently, Hall and Nash are getting divorces - hey, you don't think they're getting back together in a different way, do you? As for Steiner, he mangled the English language last week on Nitro...and he is slated to wrestle with his brother against Harlem Heat for the upcoming Oakland house show (and probably some other house shows, I'd think)
Subject: Nitro Recap
Flair's entry music is called Also Sprach Zarathustra. It is a disservice to the quality of the piece to refer to it improperly.
I blame Nietzsche - and the German language.
Subject: Hey, nice columns!
The scary part is, I could actually hear the accent you were typing in for the British Bulldog speech.
More thoughts...doesn't seem fair, does it? 1.6 for Konnan vs. Saturn, and 8.4 for the twenty-minute This is Your Life bit? If they had cut out about half of it (I thought the home-ec teacher and the presents were funny, but clowns are just creepy and should be burned at the stake) should have been cut. The Rock and Mankind are great on the stick, sure, but they're not THAT good.
It got to the point where I just didn't want to watch either show on Monday. I'd rather watch two hours of the WWF's tag team division. No more Jarrett vs. Chyna, no more Blackman (although the bag of FUNK can stay), no more twenty-minute interviews and definitely NO MORE F'N CLOWNS!!!
Sorry about that...I'll shut up now.
Often controversial, always opinionated, and usually wrong,
Self-Proclaimed King of Mikey Whipwreck Marks (seriously.)
Yurple - or ICP?
Subject: Something I thought you should know. . .
Love the reports, read 'em every week -- here's an item from Inter@ctive Week magazine that I thought would turn your head for a moment --
"From the comforts of my office in California, I was merely awed by the images of Hurrican Floyd colliding with the Florida coast. But the folks over at SportsLine USA had real worries, telling me they spent more time than ever checking Weather.com last week. The Fort Lauderdale, Fla.-based Web publisher -- located about an hour and a half north of Miami on Florida's east coast -- was for a while directly in the hurricane's path. Before the storm turned north, missing Fort Lauderdale, SportsLine shut down its offices for a day and had workers cover their computers with garbage bags -- a preventive measure in case the hurricane blew out office windows. Yes, garbage bags; I guess boarding up computer screens is not practical. At least SportsLine didn't require the staff in its newsroom, which kept operating despite teh office shutdown, to don Heftys as well."
There's a joke in there somewhere, that only you can do justice to.
Have fun at Coachella ---
You'll probably get hundreds of similar e-mails, but what the heck.
In your RAW Report, you wrote:
This segment DESERVES to lose if there's anything resembling wrestling at ALL on Nitro. Of course, it'll probably just double up on the competition. Sigh.
Turns out it QUINTUPLED the competition. From what I've read, the opinion on this segment was 50/50.
WWF better not get too cocky. If they try to pull this every week, they'll alienate their fans. WAIT, didn't people say that about GOLDUST? VAL VENIS? THE T&A? Let's face it, anything the WWF touches these days turns to gold.
However, I see some interesting parallels here. The WWF today is in the exact position WCW was near the end of 1997. They were consistently kicking ass in the ratings, had a red hot storyline (Sting), and just scored Bret Hart. But the WWF was slowly improving, and WCW was taking too many things for granted. They blew Sting's return to the ring, they blew Bret's debut in the WCW, and they held on too long to a storyline (NWO). Lately, as you have mentioned, the WCW has been improving, while the WWF is venturing into uncharted waters. It will be interesting to see what happens.
You had it right on the Mankind/Rock bit. I'm a huge fan of the WWF, but it was soooo hard staying tuned it to that slow, annoying, and painful segment. I was surprised to see that it had an 8.4 rating! Geez, while I clicked away to MNF for a few minutes, there must have been the millions and millions of the Rock's fans who heard he was doing an extended bit. I'm sorry, but that was the worst piece of television I have seen from them. Oh well, I'm sure we'll see more of it since it was such a draw on the ratings.
Yep - it'll be interesting to see if they do, and if it does as well. Hopefully, either it WON'T do as well, or it'll actually be ... you know, ENTERTAINING. Punchlines always help - even if they're disguised as heel-turn beatdowns.
Subject: "UnForgiven" was unforgettable...
CRZ...as always, your wrestling reports keep me laughing and are right on the money.
UNFORGIVEN....hmm. let's see, maybe the WWF should think seriously about holding any PPV's south of New Jersey! Was that crowd dead or were they just holding a massive family reunion??? Not implying everyone there was related; however, did most look sort of like each other???
The PPV in general was as exciting as a pap smear but if the crowd was just a tad bit into (ANYTHING?) at least the viewers would have stayed awake longer. My teeth hurt while watching this PPV. One of "THE" worst WWF's shows I've seen in years. What was with that Kennel in the Cell mismatch???? Enjoyed the dogs fighting among themselves though.... And the crew literally comatose putting up and taking down the cages...YIKES! I could have ran from Los Angeles to New York and still got back in time to view the rest of the show! Planning out that was not on their agenda at the PPV meeting was it? To tell you the truth, the only match I sort of liked was the Jarret and Chynna match. I'm not condoning men hitting women (is Chynna a woman?); however, Debra hitting Jarret with the guitar was pretty good (she should have swung those implants and knocked him out cold!) Chynna held her own--got to give her credit.
And what the hell was going on with Monday's RAW......love Mankind, love the Rock; however, that "party" skit was so long and drawn out, I thought for a minute there I was watching NITRO!
Thanks for hearing my rants and raves. Keep up the good work.
What was longer - the party skit or Piper's "family" tryouts?
Subject: Useless information
Did I miss a week of Raw or something, whatever happened between The Big Show and The UnderTaker. If I remember correctly at the beginning of the month, UT had some information so shocking that TBS was speechless. What did they write it down and give it to the hummer driver? Or maybe whoever raised the briefcase knows..... hell it could even be the person who pushed Mankind off the scaffolding? The possibilities are boundless. Oh yeah, If Jericho is so intent on saving the WWF, where the hell was he during that This Is your life segment. What a perfect opportunity to start a sweet feud between Jericho and the Rock and or Mankind. Oh well, Old Sting still looks like vanilla ice, he really does, but that's the way things go.
jerichoholic # 1369
What DID 'Taker whisper in Big Show's ear? Did they have an idea when they WROTE that? You know, these guys used to be a lot better at planning this stuff out ahead of time...is the compacted schedule getting to them?
Subject: Sean Shannon sucks
Yo CRZ, how you doing? I was reading your latest recaps, and I have to say, that while Raw may have sucked (apparently I'm the only person in the world who liked it despite the snooze-fest that was Foley-Rocky), Sean Shannon sucks more than anyone or anything. I mean, he doesn't like you, fine. But to drag it our in public was wrong. Even more wrong are HIS recaps being dragged to the public. And I don't mean his rantsylvania stuff either, I mean his ABSOLUTELY HORRID ECW recaps.
I kinda like his nwwwo stuff, but what the hell is this? He can't even figure out a common chant, and then says the chant isn't too common, so it isn't his fault! What the hell is he talking about? At the very least, you're entertaining. Shannon is irritating, annoying, insulting, and just nor pleasant. Maybe he's still mad that Hyatte (who I occasionally read) gets on his case all the time. Whatever.
Also, I wanted to say (since this Nitro report reminded me) that the Vince-Bulldog conversation you added was one of the funniest things I've ever read. And I'm an Owen Hart mark, but damn, that was just hilarious. Unlike Craig Kilborn, you waited a while before doing that, which is why it was funny.
OK, enough of telling you stuff you already know. I wish the Kings would get Hurley back too, just FYI, since he's a fellow Jerseyite.
Subject: goldberg loves SPREE
regarding your recent comment about Goldberg never eating the SPREE on WWF time...when the ad first came out, it did run once during RAW. Never again, though. (They also did the same thing with the Goldberg movie, Universal Soldier: The Lame-Ass Sequel). You're not the only one who obsesses over the details.
love your stuff. keep it up. etc. etc.
Subject: CRZ's readers have suggestions
I suggest you call that Hammer guy (Living In A) Van (Down By The) Hammer from now on.
i too own a 99x shirt.
That's...really too clever for me, actually. I'm rather embarrassed to admit that.
Subject: CHYNA (THE SLUT)
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOU SAYING THAT CHYNA IS A SLUT. SHE DOSE NOT NEED THAT TITLE AND WOULD LIKE YOU NOT TO USE THAT ON HER WHY NOT PUT IT ON TERRI SHE DID THE WHOLE MEAN STREET POSSE AND THEY PUT HER TO THE CRUB AFTER WORDS.
I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR SHOUTING AT ME. WHAT IS A CRUB?
Subject: A Rant
I just got done reading your Nitro and Raw reports and I saw a name I wasn't familiar with. "Who the fuck is Sean Shannon?" I thought to myself as drool dripped down my chin. Later in one of the recaps (can't remember which one, they look a lot alike sometimes), I saw the site rantsylvania.com, and I said to myself, "My God, what an awesome fucking pun on Transylvania!! Wow! I think I just had an orgasm!" Actually, none of this was said, but hell, I think they would like me to say it.
Anyway, I said, "Hmm, maybe this mysterious figure Sean Shannon could be part of the website rantsylvania.com," orgasm again, "so I guess I'll go check it out. Hell, I love reading everything I can find about wrestling." Which of course, proves I have no life.
Sooo, I visit this new (old?) wrestling site and say, "Hey, Sean Shannon's doing a Nitro Report! Wow, I wonder how he does *his* recaps?" Well, after clicking on the Nitro link, and waiting about an hour for the website to load (which I blame on the site, not my modem, isp, or anything else because every single other fucking website I've visited today has loaded quicker than a piece of shit going through Richard Simmons) <----That was wrong, I admit it. (He eats a lot of vegetables and prunes, I suppose, and that's supposed to help one shit. . .or so I'm told).
Anyway, after this thing finally loads and as I read it, I think to myself, "Hey, they gave me the wrong link! This is CRZ's. . .no, wait a minute. The names are different. And his match thingamobabs (technical name) are shorter, not including all the moves." So then, of course, I came to the obvious conclusion. CRZ, you are actually Sean Shannon, just pretending to get mad at yourself. Or maybe not.
You know, for a guy with no life, Stephen, I'm SURE you could come up with a better conspiracy theory than that - if only you APPLIED yourself!!
Subject: Hogan hatred.
Please tell me that Hogan is retirering.?
Why would Sting(my fav), Luger , or BVD, get wooped by slogan, when he can barely make it to the ring.?
Please WCW, you have got to have a better imagination than that.
For gofs sake, I am a 30 yr old mother, whose son loves wcw , and i could come up with better.
You should of had Bret turn on slogan and fake hair. That would of put wcw way above wwf for weeks to come.
Please , think this through,. Bret is the key, Sting is the key., Hogan is not.
Brett turns on Hogan, Sting turns on Luger for all thsoe times past.
They become the newest wcw tag team. Ratings 4.0
Hogan will EVENTUALLY retire - hopefully before he dies?
Subject: backstage Nitro stuff...
Nothing real big, but this is sorta funny. Right before the big six-man main event on Nitro, when we see Sting, Page and Package all backstage, there was a prelude to page's "red light" comment. After Sting steps out of the camera's view, you hear him try (unsuccessfully) to open the door. Then, if you listen closely, you hear him say something like "They've got it fuckin' locked up back here", to which Page responds, "Yeah, and we gotta red light on right here", I guess alerting the supposedly born-again Sting that he just used the "F-word" on camera. Liz looks like she's about to break up. I hope this is good for a chuckle :)
Ahh! Perhaps that didn't survive the West Coast tape delay. That certainly makes a lot more sense now - THANK YOU!!
Subject: Luger Funeral
In your Nitro report from Monday, you wondered during the Lex Luger funeral skit "I'm wondering just how much this cost." which should probably have gone more along the lines of "I'm wondering how much money WCW blew on this garbage."
In any event, I have a little background on the shoot. A friend of mine from back home has an uncle in the Funeral Home business and on Tuesday of last week she called and said that WCW contacted her uncle's home about doing a funeral shoot to "kill off a character" and that the character would be Lex Luger. The girl not being a big fan, as well as the fact that the Narcissist is involved as one of the major heels in WCW, I thought "no way" and was highly skeptical, but low and bohold WCW went through with it. The price tag on the whole thing, from renting the home, to the casket, as well as the procession to the cemetary (evidently they left out a lot as she told me in detail about alot of crap that didn't make it off the cutting room floor) ran somewhere in the range of $1900. Then of course they had to waste all the time and maybe a little cash with the those "high tech" effects that all the rednecks love with the ghost and all that.
So to set your mind at ease, WCW flushed around $2000 bones in the toileton the segment.
Keep up the good work,
Hmmm...only two grand...hey, they ARE saving money these days!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
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