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/4 March 2000

WWF Metal UK by Kirk Wagstaff




It's WWF Metal folks! Your hosts this week are Kevin Kelly and Tom Prichard. This week, the usual suspects!

TEST(ES) VS RATINGS MIDEON. I bet the ratings are THROUGH THE ROOF. What made me laugh was the section of Smackdown where Mideon muttered something to the Rock backstage, and then he went flying through a table. Great. What can the WWF do with Test exactly? He's just a waste of space completely. Mideon gets the advantage with brawling moves. Irish whip, elbow to the face. Right. Irish whip. Hiptoss blocked, Test with rights. Irish whip to the buckle, runs into an elbow. Mideon then runs straight into a powerslam for two. Whip, Mideon counters with a kick. Off the ropes, clothesline for one. Rear chinlock raises the ratings even more. Test comes back - HULK HOGAN STYLE. That soon results in him getting a pumphandle slam, followed by the oh-so original elbowdrop from the top rope for the victory (4:10).

No Way Out results. Gawd, I CAN'T BELIEVE how many of Rock's fans whined because he lost to The Big Show. Shit happens. As for the card, it sucked - apart from the last match, which wasn't half as good as promised.

CHESTBANGERS VS KEVIN LAUNDRY & THE INFERNO KID. Thrasher brawls. Drop toe hold. Tag to Mosh. Landry counters by dropkicking them all over the place. Mosh counters with a kick, followed by a TKO (well, that's what it was called in WWF Attitude anyway). Tag to Thrasher. Rope splash using Mosh's height. Tag to Mosh. Bodyslam. Misses a knee drop. Laundry with an arm twist. Impressive modified firemans carry. Mosh with rights, tag to Thrasher, STAGE DIVE! 1, 2, 3 (2:17)!

Wow! Prince Albert and Bossman are on later in the show! YIPEE!

ESSA RIOS (w/LITA) VS FUNAKI for the Lightweight Championship. Funaki with kicks. Esso ducks a clothesline, dropkick to the knee. Sitdown powerbomb for two. Working on Funaki in the corner. Whip to the buckle, runs into a kick. Misses a splash. Bulldog from Funaki. Head to the buckle. Whip reversed, Funaki ducks under the ropes to the outside. Essa with a baseball slide, turned it into a head scissors takeover. That was impressive. Essa and the ref have a good old argument as Lita imitates Essa with a head scissors takeover herself, throwing Funaki back in. Essa with another powerbomb. But only for two. Irish whip reversed to the buckle. Funaki goes to the top - Tornado DDT almost had me for Funaki winning the belt, but Essa turns it into an atomic drop. Sets Funaki in the middle of the ring - TOP ROPE MOONSAULT! 1, 2, 3 (3:11). That was a good match. To end it all off - Lita with a moonsault of her own.

Rock/Big Show hype. Rocky sucks - remember? Shane McMahon is back! Shane is always entertaining on the microphone. Let's roll the video tape Shane, that chair shot that was edited was justified with your great recap: "Rock goes for the people's elbow and BAAAM! BOOOOOOOOM! What an athletic move!" Don't you just love that guy? In fact, if I remember correctly, Shane does the commentary on WWF Attitude, and he said EXACTLY THAT SAME THING when I executed a Mideon-style right hand. Shane is undoubtedly a great athlete.

THE GODFATHER (w/FOUR HO'S & EIGHT KNOCKERS) VS BIG BOSSMAN & PRINCE ALBERT. D'Lo and Albert with typical brawling. D'Lo has a new gimmick - WHAT A WASTE OF TIME AND TALENT. D'Lo goes down with a shoulder block. Later D'Lo knee's Albert in the face. Tag to Bossman, and there's a tag to Godfather. Bodyslam. WOBBLY legdrop. Right right right, irish whip, misses a clothesline - Godfather runs into the ropes, Bossman pulls them down sending the pimp to the outside. Albert with cheap shots. Great entertainment, I can assure you. Brawling - is this worth bothering with? Slingshot is about the technical height Albert can reach. Whip, DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! HOT TAG to D'Lo. Albert with a choke - D'Lo counters with a decent dropkick. Sky High for Bossman. Bodyslam on Prince Albert. Bossman is trying to lure in the ho's, which should climax with the ending of this match. Bossman throws the case in the ring - he misses, enabling D'Lo to get a high leg clothesline, for three (4:33). Bossman and Albert rid of the pimps after the match.

Well that about wraps it up for this week. Next week's will be a day or two later. Why? Because I am one of the stupid people who actually booked tickets to go to a WCW house show when, believe it or not, the federation was still relatively competitive. Six months down the line, it's pants. Frankly, I'd rather be watching Metal, unless they can pull off something good. And for all my fans out there (all three of 'em), I'll be reporting the results ON THIS VERY SITE. Stay tuned, folks.

Until then, see you next week.

Kirk Wagstaff
[slash] wrestling

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