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/18 March 2000

WWF Metal UK by Kirk Wagstaff




It's WWF Metal! Your hosts are Kevin Kelly and Tom Prichard.

PRINCE ALBERT VS A JOBBER. Albert with rights. Kick. Kick. Kick. Stomp stomp stomp. Jobber counters a back drop with a kick. Prince Albert counters with rights followed by a choke powerbomb. Whip to the buckle. On the rebound, spinning back suplex! To the top rope... legdrop misses. Jobber comes back with rights. Dropkick. Jobber to the top this time. Albert catches him mid-flight - powerbomb! TKO! 1, 2, 3 (2:47)!

This week on Raw, Kane faced Big Bossman is a terrible match. Kane hits a chokeslam, but Jim Ross seems to have lost his move book and calls it a TOMBSTONE. Great. Hardy Boyz faced Al Snow and Steve Blackman in a decent match. Matt Hardy rolls Blackman up for the 1, 2, 3. Who was the legal man?

VISCERA VS J.R RYDER. Yep, it's another jobber folks. Rights, bodyslam. Working away in the corner. Hiptoss!? Viscera actually knows some moves this week! Whip to the buckle, Ryder ducks a clothesline and runs into a belly-to-belly suplex this time around. Headbutt! Misses the next one. Samoan drop! Misses a splash. Clothesline by Ryder, but hits a "spinning" heel kick. Well, I'd call it a rolling heel kick, he never even got off the ground. Whip to the buckle, misses a corner splash. Ryder with a ten punch attempt in the corner, but we only get to count to three. Powerbomb counter! Off the ropes, SPLASH! 1, 2, 3 (2:53). That was surprisingly good.

The Dudleys faced Mark Henry (look, Sexual Chocolate is a terrible name) this week on Raw. Bubba Ray powerbombed Mae Young through two tables - but watch as the kind censor edits it. It's great that the Dudleys have been given a well deserved push. I was sick of them jobbing every week.

CHESTBANGERS VS TIE STREET AND JULIO FANTASTICO. Julio hits a huracanrana on Thrasher straight away. Roll up in the corner, Thrasher hits hit head on the turnbuckle! To the top - cross body! Dropkick! Well folks, looks like we have a decent match on our hands. Mosh pulls ropes down after an irish whip sending the jobber to the outside. Tag to Mosh, cross body to the outside! Flying clothesline from the top. Chop in the corner. Whip to the buckle. Back splash! Julio is dazed but gets the tag to Tie Street. Irish whip, Tie gets a sunset flip for two. Mosh counters with brawling. Rope choke. TKO by Mosh. Tag to Thrasher. Double team flapjack. Chin crusher. Irish whip, powerslam! Tag to Mosh, stage dive! 1, 2, 3.

Acolytes faced Edge and Christian in a good match. With many highlights, Bradshaw used a clothesline from hell to get the pinfall on Christian. The crowd seemed to enjoy this one, but was that because Terri was on the outside?

Rock/Triple H/Big Show hype for Wrestlemania. In one of the worst Smackdown shows I've ever seen, Vince McMahon spends roughly fifteen minutes on the microphone. That would have been a good place to have the ads.

THE GODFATHER (w/4 Ho's and 8 Knockers) VS GANGREL. Gangrel is back! He emphasises his importance with, um - a punch? Never mind. Godfather with a clothesline. Bodyslam. Misses the WOBBLY ELBOWDROP. Off the ropes, clothesline hits Gangrel to the outside. Gangrel with rights, whip to the steel steps. Remember kids, they are STEEL. Don't try that at home. Back in the ring, irish whip, Gangrel with an elbow. Working away in the corner. Godfather comes back with kicks, but he hits a big boot. Gangrel with a kick for two. Whip, misses a splash in the corner. Gangrel is stuck in the corner, insinuating something. I didn't see the HO TRAIN coming! That was quickly followed by a roll up for the three (4:20). After the match, the ho's fall down on Godfather and rub his hairy chest. Now, for what you didn't see on TV: one of the ho's undoes his zip and begins rubbing the end...

Never mind!

Don't forget to come back next week!

Kirk Wagstaff
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission