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/25 March 2000

WWF Metal UK by Kirk Wagstaff




Welcome to WWF Metal! Your hosts are Kevin Kelly and Tom Prichard.

THE ROCK & TRIPLE H (w/MICK FOLEY) - YES - IT'S THE MEAN STREET POSSE VS THE CHESTBANGERS. Rodney with knees. Off the ropes, shoulder block. Hiptoss blocked twice, Mosh with a clothesline. Elbowdrop. 1, 2... Tag to Thrasher. Double team top rope clothesline. Off the ropes, double team flapjack! Drop toe hold by Thrasher. Bodyslam. Pete Gas on the outside grabs the legs of Thrasher, enabling Rodney to take the advantage. Tag to Abs - clothesline. Double team elbowdrop. Working away in the corner. Powerslam! On top - MOONSAULT.... nobody in the pool. Geez, who put that microphone under the ring this week? Tag to Mosh. Cleaning the house. Bodyslam for Rodney. Bodyslam for Abs. Rope choker on Rodney. Abs with a back suplex. Rodney to the top - but Thrasher off the ropes to send him balls first into the buckle. TKO! 1, 2, 3 (3:37). Abs executes a crucifix powerbomb on Mosh after the match. Those crazy guys!

From the weeks results, Too Cool beat The Radicals in a good match on Raw. Malenko had the texas cloverleaf on Scotty 2 Hotty, but thanks to Grandmaster Seaaaaay, he broke it up behind the ref's back to steal a win. Bah. In a match between The Acolytes and Edge/Christian, Edge and Christian won, thanks to Edge's new green pants.

Chris Jericho badmouthed Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle this week on Smackdown, and clocked them both with the title belt. At this point, I notice a "Michael Cole Shut Up" sign in the crowd. That's the sign of the week. Ooh, here's another good one - "I'd rather be in Chyna". THAT'S A NEW ONE!

MARK HENRY VS VISCERA. Henry with rights. Viscera with rights. Lefts. Rights. Lefts (it can't finish early enough tonight). Shoulder block by Viscera. Chop in the corner, lots of 'em. Henry fights back with two shoulder blocks. Viscera counters with rights and a samoan drop. Corner splash. Irish whip - DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE! Henry back with shoulder blocks. Rope choke to the outside! Henry thinks that move looked sexy. Back in the ring - LEGDROP! 1, 2... Irish whip, reversed, into the corner. Splash! Oh, I can see it coming. YEP - IT MISSED!Henry with rights. Off the ropes - Viscera counters with a SPINNING HEEL KICK (sort of). Viscera - with - um - SPLASH? 1, 2, 3 (3:55)? Huh? Do my eyes see the right? Viscera won a match? Must have been that I drunk last night.

KAIENTAI (NO, WAIT) TAKA MICHINOKU AND FUNAKI VS ESSA RIOS (w/LITA) & THE MOST EXPENSIVE JOBBER IN THE WORLD STEVIE RICHARDS. Good to see Taka back in action. Let's take you back to the Royal Rumble where Taka took that fall to the outside - as the kind censor cuts it out. Hahahaha! Funaki with rights on Essa. Knees by Essa. Off the top - axe handle! Tag to Essa, that was a bit quick. Two kicks. Tornado DDT! IN COMES LITA - with a Tornado DDT herself (badly). Essa with rights. Tag to Stevie. Axe handle. Rights by Funaki. Inverted powerbomb. Richards with rights. Ten count punches in the corner. Funaki with a DDT. Tag to Taka. Drop toe hold into a boston crab. Taka off the ropes and with a dropkick to Richards face. Tag to Funaki. Chin crusher. Rights. Whip, misses a dropkick, but Taka comes in and hits a side kick. Tag to Taka. Whip to the buckle, Richards with a kick. Taka with a tornado DDT - countered with an atomic drop. Yow! Tag to Essa. Spinning heel kick to Funaki. SWEET head scissors takeover on Taka. He's back up! Essa completely misses a dropkick, and hits the ropes. Taka to the top rope - meanwhile Stevie is taking care of Funaki on the outside. Essa off the ropes, sends Taka hurtling to the canvas. MOONSAULT! 1, 2, 3 (4:01). IN COMES LITA with a moonsault herself. Wahey for Lita!

The Hardys faced Edge and Christian in a brilliant match. Dudleys are on the commentary. 3D on Christian! 3D on Matt Hardy! No winner - which sets up a three way dance (ahem) - I mean a triple threat ladder match at Wrestlemania.

It's Raw! Vince: "Why not have the main event of Wrestlemania here tonight in Chicago?" I'll tell you why, because it's pointless. Will we have anything to look forward to for the show itself? Well, turns out Linda McMahon turns it into a FATAL FOURSOME with...

Mick Foley.


It's only for one night, but somehow - YOU KNOW Foley will come out of that main event the champ. Well, good luck to 'em - I won't be ordering Wrestlemania. Because I'm in the UK!

GANGREL VS TAZ(Z). Tazz has the mic: "Gangrel, I'm gonna choke your candy-ass mutha-fuckin' ass out and shit down your neck". Well, he didn't really, but he did say the tiresome "You can do two things about it - nothing - and like it" line. Which is exactly what The Rock says in WWF Attitude. Don't you just love these back-from-the-dead lines? ECW chant. Brawling in the corner. Tazz hits a clothesline. On the outside brawling. Back in the ring, drop toe hold by Tazz Rights. Gangrel with a bodyslam. Flying elbowdrop for two. Tazz back with rights. Gangrel with knees. Rights in the corner. Off the ropes, elbow. 1, 2... Tazz comes back with rights (yawn). T-BONE TAZZPLEX! Tazzmission! Gangrel submits (3:00).

Well that just about wraps it up. See you all next week!

Kirk Wagstaff
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission