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/3 June 2000

WWF Metal UK by Kirk Wagstaff




How did that girl off Crazy Taxi get a CRZ T-Shirt?

This WWF Metal! Your hosts are Kevin Kelly & Tom Prichard.

I used to write reports by sitting in front of Metal, writing notes on paper. I then had to type it all in Word which was a painful and boring exercise seeing as I'm a much faster typer then a writer. Yep, I lose track of the match when I have to write it all out. I had to sit through the usual highlights I've seen around eight times over the weekend whilst looking at FHM between twenty minutes of adverts, waiting for the matches. Now I can plug this video into my PC, so I'll record it, fast forward through all the crappy bits and report the matches in much more detail. It works better for both of us, do you see?

Then what the hell happened to our line up? First off we see the highlights from Raw. Kid Rock. Triple H. Rikishi. Bull Buchanan advancing to the next round in the King Of The Ring. Hey, maybe we'll get a decent KOTR this time round? Last year was a complete JOKE. Until then, I had never seen a KOTR finals that actually got no response whatsoever. When they actually TRIED to push Mr Ass as a singles competitor, but threw in the towel three weeks down the line.

BIG BOSSMAN -vs- STEVIE RICHARDS. Kicks by Bossman. Rights. "Bossman sucks" chant. Stevie comes back off the ropes, hits an elbow. This match has been going on for like, twenty seconds, and I hate it already. Rights in corner. Throws Richards outside. Stevie with rights - OH YES OH YES!! Irish whip to the buckle, Bossman slips to outside, Bossman back in with a clothesline. Shut up saying "Bossman sucks" dammit. Blatant choke. Face rake. Rights by Stevie to the midsection. Bossman clocks him with a right. Choke with the boot. I SMELL RATINGS! Belly to back suplex. 1, 2... Stevie's hulkin' up! No he's not. Knees to the leg. Whip to the buckle, Bossman gets crotched on it. Irish whip, shoulder block dazes him. Sidewalk slam by Richards? Stevie Kick coming up, I don't think he's going to hit it - no. Block - BOSSMAN SLAM - 1, 2, 3 (4:22). Piss poor. Bossman clocks Richards with his nightstick - BUT OH YES THEY EDITED IT!

Here's The Undertaker choke-slamming everyone in sight. And the recent happenings in the McMahon/Helmsley FACTION -vs- Undertaker/Rock. When Austin comes back - someone is going to HAVE to turn heel. I can just imagine it now - Rock, Undertaker, Kane, and Austin against Triple H and the rest of the cowards. Can we bear any more of Triple H and friends coming down to the ring, another asshole chant for ten minutes, more heat - same formula we've been seeing for the good half of a year.

We are STILL on Raw highlights! What the hell's going on this week? Hardcore Holly/Jericho nonsense.

THE DUDLEY BOYZ -vs- CHESTBANGERS. Dudleys, I remember last time you guys were here, you were jobbing to the likes of Godfather and D'Lo Brown. Not like now. Oh - NOT LIKE NOW. The sad truth is that you guys were recognised because you abuse women. Okay - Mosh with arm twists. Clothesline. Buh Buh with a back body drop. Whip reversed, Dudley with the boot. "We want table" Mosh ducks a clothesline. Kicks by Buh Buh, clocks Thrasher. Distracts Teddy Long - double team head butt to the groin. Powerslam by Mosh. Thrasher with forearms. "Table" chant. Shut the hell up. Shoulder block. Tag to D-Von. Double team clothesline. Mosh got the tag to Thrasher somewhere. Thrasher crotches Buh Buh. Thrasher with a suplex from the top. 1, 2... Double team whip. Buh Buh destroys pretty much everyone. "Table chant" again - it appears the ECW fans have entered the wrong arena. Mosh and Buh Buh get double clotheslines. Mosh crawling for the tag - he gets it. Oh you betcha - HOT TAG to D-Von. Back drop for Thrasher, Mosh gets clocked. Elbow to the back of the head. Inverted DDT. Buh Buh gets Mosh. Thrasher whips D-Von - reversed - Buh Buh is in - 3D. (4:32).

Kurt Angle laid down for Eddie Guerrero this week - which tells you that Angle is on a downslide.

Smackdown results. Undertaker destroyed X-Pac and Road Dogg in a rubbish match which happened whilst I was visiting the dentist that morning.

Hmmm, THAT'S OUR LOT? Maybe a one off huh? Well, hopefully. Thanks for reading and come back next week and join in the fun on WWF Metal! Yeah baby yeah!

Kirk Wagstaff
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission