This is not Jakked - but I think you figured that out already. This opening features a Saturn highlight!

Raven (w/WWF the Music Volume 5 and your hosts, Kevin Kelly and Tom Pritchard, but no Ninja) vs Crash Holly (w/no Strongwoman) - They're at that announce both, not walking down with him, though that'd be funny. They're all in Rock and Austin's business. Lockup, Raven with a headlock, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Lockup #2, Raven with another headlock, Raven off the ropes, another shoulderblock. Raven with a third headlock, yanking Crash,  Off the ropes, Crash is smart enough to get a drop toe hold this time. Raven's up quick, two wild punches that are ducked, and Crash trips him up. Raven's up quick again, and the punch is ducked again, Crash with a waistlock, Raven goes for the ropes but falls back in the rolling reverse cradle for 2. Small package for 2. Sunset flip for 2. Snap mare, stretch roll for 2. Off the ropes, Oklahoma Roll for 2. Crash is apparently out of ways to roll Raven up, as he goes for the Acid Drop - and gets crotched on the top rope. Raven off the ropes, forearm sends Crash to the floor. Out himself, here's the Russian Legsweep into the barrier. Crash thrown in, Raven comes in. Whip, Crash bounces out backwards into the clothesline. Cover for 2. Camel Clutch, Raven tries to sit down on Crash's back, but Crash flips over and Raven gets impaled on Crash's knee. Crash tries to punch his way up, but Raven eye pokes him. Raven picks him up, but Crash stomps his foot. Off the ropes, clothesline. Flying headscissors. Crash is pumped, right, right, right, kick, kick, whip, reversed right into the DDT. Night. (3:16 - the day I got this done!) 

The Coach is all set to come back for Backlash. Tickets go on sale SATURDAY, TEN AM. They're VERY EXPENSIVE. In other news, Kurt Angle is angry he's not in the main event of WrestleMania. "There are a lot more ankles here in the WWF that I'm going to snap." This is a different Kurt Angle then the one we know to love.

Still to come, Debra almost eats it, and the Hardyz win the tag team titles, but next, Essa Rios and Kevin Kelly flashes back to Speedy Gonzalez cartoons of his youth.

Classic Snickers WrestleMania Moment - Jake Roberts DDTs Undertaker, Undertaker Tombstones him on the floor.

Essa Rios (breaking out his Papi Chulo gear, as well as the red/purple No Destiny) vs Gregory Martin - Lockup, Essa kinda hiptosses Martin in the corner (Martin looked like he went there almost on his own), follow up clothesline, kick, kick, Essa goes for a punch but the ref warns him about the closed fist. The pause allows Martin to get a boot in, then steals K-Kwik's pull-up to the top rope - you'd think, if he could do that, he could manage something better than a double ax-handle, but that's what he tries. Now, Essa is supposed to dropkick him in the midsection as he comes down, I assume because that's what usually happens. But Essa kinda mistimed it and kinda hits him square in the face. Ooops - maybe Essa's friends with Kwik? Together, they move some things. Right, Right, Right, right, whip, reversed, Essa tries a flying headscissors but Martin turns it into a face first powerbomb. Right knocks Essa to his knees- dropkick to the face. "Come on Essa!" Essa starts to get up, Martin charges him - and gets a drop toe hold to the bottom turnbuckle. Kick, right, whip, head down too soon, Sunset flip by Martin for 2. Rios ducks the clothesline, bars the arm, right, right, walking up the ropes - Mexican Armdrag! (Not blown, SCREW YOU mister.) Here's a spin kick. And a jumping legdrop. Martin begs off - he knows he has no chance when Essa's doing so good here, but he gets a double chop anyway. Does the double chop mean he's double the cool of Canadian? Here's another so you can decide. Whip, clothesline. Picking Martin up, no Martin with right, right, another misses, shot to the back, shot to the back, waistlock but Martin gets to the ropes and Essa falls back - dropkick is waved by and Essa crashes into the ropes, hamstring first. Martin pauses, cover, gets 2. Stomp, pick up, open hand slap, right, whip, reversed, Essa's head down too soon, dropkick and Martin covers for 2. Martin goes for a suplex, Essa falls behind, belly to back but Martin lands behind and pushes Essa into the corner - Essa gets a reverse thrust kick when Martin charges in. Essa picks Martin into a fireman's carry and drops him forward - is it time? Yes. Moonsault - I think Tom just clued me in - it's the No Destiny Moonsault now, and it's good for 3. (3:50) You wonder, with Essa pulling out the Mexican Armdrag and the hamstring bump, if he's just a little worried about where he'll be about a month from now...

Later on, the One Billy Gunn in singles action, but later - the Hardy's get the gold.

Here's the end of that tag match. And the match on Smackdown. And Christian's beatdown. (3:57)

Where do Debra's loyalties lie? We'll examine that later. Billy Gunn now.

Billy Gunn vs J. R. Ryder - Oh man, I picked the right week to miss Jakked - Kevin Kelly calling a J.R. Ryder match is always an interesting affair. Kevin calls Ryder a coward for hanging out on the apron during Billy's entrance. Lockup, Billy pushes him in the corner, Billy gives a clean break upon orders from the ref, JR get as right in, right, right, right, right, choke in the corner, right, but Billy's stop selling. Here's another to confirm that. Right, kick, kick, kick, right, right, chop, corner whip, Ryder kipped up but Billy's stop short. Ryder turns around into a double choke and biel. Ryder gets up right into a clothesline. Corner whip, Ryder rebounds out to the press slam. Off the ropes - FameAsser! Gunn stalls and covers - kickout at 2! Bill is surprised. So are the fans - guess we forget that wasn't his finisher. Ryder on the outside, Gunn chases, Ryder in, Gunn in, Gunn gets stomped. Here's knee, chop, turnbuckle shot. Kick, whip, reversed, gun goes for a hiptoss, but it's blocked, knee, flip out, Gunn misses a clothesline and J.R. hits a neckbreaker. JR goes to ropes to - celebrate. Probably should've found something else to do. Whip, head down too soon, kick, right, right, whip, tilt-a-whirl slam. Sleeper Slam. (2:54) Oh, that's the One and Only. I think JR needs better management... 

Still to come, the evil team of TAKA and Funaki take on Justin and X-Pac, but next, Austin has issues with Vince.

Debra. Austin. Rock. With guest appearances from Triple H, Angle, Vince, and Rikishi. (9:48) I'm glad I taped this, just for fast forward. You may not know this, but The Rock and Steve Austin will face each other at WrestleMania - I wonder why they didn't think to put Debra in the center of that graphic.

Up next, Justin Credible makes his Metal Debut!

X-Pac and Justin Credible Needs New Music vs Kai En Tai - if I can't get behind something Justin Credible-ish, it may not be a good sign. Now, TAKA and Funaki have classic music here. TAKA pats on the mic to make sure it's - not working, I guess. "Gentleman, what are your names? X-Pac? Justin Credible? How did you get your names? I, I do not understand! We are Kai En Tai, and we are X-citing and we are X-pecting to beat you, because we are Justin Sane and we are eeeeeeeeevil!" "inDEED!" There's word that a challenge has been issued, based on what happened tonight, but first, Justin and X-Pac will attack TAKA and Funaki as they get on the apron. TAKA comes back in the ring on X-Pac, but meets a spin kick anyway. Justin has no problem with Funaki on the floor. X-Pac goes to help out - no, he gets bumped off the apron by TAKA - Asai Moonsault is nicely worked in. TAKA is in to celebrate, and take of his shirt. And holds it in his mouth. Okay. Justin slides in and eats a right, palm shot, whip, reversed, right misses, TAKA with a spin kick. Tag to Funaki, right, right, Funaki's punches look really good, here's another, whip, reversed, shot to the back by X-Pac and a spinning DDT by Justin. Funaki thrown in the corner, tag to X-Pac, double team stomp down in the corner. TAKA tries to help but he can't - Bronco Buster. Celebrating on the second rope - flying stomp! Double team whip, double team clothesline is ducked, Funaki hits his own. Wow, we must be in a hurry - hot tag comes a minute sooner - double missile dropkick. Whip on X-Pac, drop tope Hold, Camel Clutch, Dropkick to the face. They Both Celebrate but Justin takes them down from behind. Right for TAKA, right, kick for Funaki, kick, he and Funaki to the outside while TAKA signals for the Michinoku Driver on X-Pac, he tries for it but X-Pac falls behind, double superkick by X-Pac and Justin, and X-Pac covers for the win (2:48)

The Coach is here to remind us one more time about Backlash - I just can't spend $200 on a wrestling ticket. Anyway, Chris Benoit doesn't have a problem with Eddie Guerrero - he's just standing in the way of the thing he came back to the WWF for, and Eddie needs to get out of his way.

This week's special guest host of Heat - Al Snow! Ivory will be on Heat, will she respond to Chyna's challenge? Billy Gunn takes on X-Pac (w/Justin Credible) - and as a result of their match tonight, Crash and Raven will have a rematch on Heat.