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WWF in Chicago


by: Greg Kliver


This is about my trip to WWF Raw last night in Rosemont, Illinois. It's a long read with a lot of stupid shit so be prepared.

My friends and I got to the building at about 12:30 p.m. and over the next two hours saw the numerous people pull in or leave the parking lot behind the arena. First people we saw were the Dudley Boyz who got in a white caddy and left. Next person we saw was Lilian Garcia who I thought was Terri (she was about a hundred feet away and I'm really blind)and she left the lot. We saw The Rock pull in at about 1:30 p.m. and some moron tried to jump in his car. He then spouted off every catchphrase that he could think of. Kurt Angle must have spent over an hour talking on his cell phone in his car. Some mark almost jizzed his pants when he saw him. Christian, Edge, and Chris Jericho all came together. The Hardy Boyz came by their damn selves and two dykish fat broads started screaming. Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit, Eddy Guerrero, and Perry Saturn all came together. Rikishi, Scott Taylor, and Brian Christopher showed up together. Big Slow showed up and a friend of mine & myself mocked him ala Scott Hall which was funny because Slow saw us do it. We saw Viscera show up by himself. We saw the Mean Street Posse show up with some other guy. Rodney was wearing a DX barcode shirt and Joey Abs was wearing a Hardy Boyz shirt. What a couple of marks. We saw Taz(z) show up. We saw Bob Backlund show up and we trashed talked him and he fired back at us. Backlund is hilarious. Test and Prince Albert came together. We gave those two a helluva tongue lashing, especially Test. Test then called us something, but I can't remember. That was funny. Last person we saw show up was none other than Mick Foley who came around 2:30 p.m. We started a Foley chant and he waved to us as he walked in. Then we left for K-Mart to get some of those cheap box cameras.

After that we went over to the Radisson Hotel to sit in their lobby and make some signs. Here are a few of them.
"Friends Don't Let Friends Watch Nitro" (Best sign in the history of this great sport)
"Impotence, Incest, Intoxication"
"Mancow Sucks" (A VERY popular sign)
"WC F'N W Rulz"

After making the signs we headed over to the Allstate Arena to stand in line at around 4:30 p.m. I proudly held my "Mancow sucks" sign high and got a mixture of laughs, cheers, and swears. Some faggot in an Atlanta Braves hat felt it was necessary to take my sign away. What a douchebag. We stood in line for 30 minutes until word got out that Mancow's lackey "Turd" was across the street at the Skyline room. Supposedly we were supposed to get $100 if I ripped up a sign in front of Turd. First we had to BS with a doorman and some other guy, but finally Turd came out from the banquet that he was at. He told us he wasn't giving out$100. Then the douchebag with the Braves hat came in and tried ripping my sign away from me. Turd said if you have bad seats he'll be giving away front row tickets to the next show. We were supposed to call in or something too. Yeah, like I'm going to call into Mancow's crappy show. Anyway, we spent about 10 minutes BSing over there then we got back in line. At least I did. My same stupid ass friend walked back over to the Skyline room were a camera guy was filming another guy for a spot. My friend stood behind him with his "WC F'N W Rulz" sign while they were filming. As soon as they were done filming the guy doing the talking/getting filmed or whatever the hell he was doing turned around and started laughing his ass off. Funny stuff. Anyway, about 5 minutes later a WWF official asked how old I was and asked if I would take part in a survey for this "focus board" thing they were doing. I then walked across the street and joined the other focus board people.

At 5:30 p.m. we walked in the building and went upstairs to a meeting room where the presentation was about to begin. The officials would be showing different kinds of merchandise and we were supposed to write down if we would buy it or not buy it. Each shirt had different slogans and different looks. Lots of Too Cool and Rikishi merchandise is in the works so if you like them more power to you. They're coming out with a brand of clothing similar to FUBU or Taz(z)'s FTW gear called "Phat Wear." A few of the shirts looked really nice. Also coming out will be a Rock "Shut up juice" shirt. Probably the design with the carton of OJ will come out. Didn't look bad. A nice Kane and Paul Bearer shirt was displayed if you're a big fan of those two. A Y2J "Ayatollah of Rock 'N Rolla shirt was shown with three different color faces. Blue, Red, and normal, why they did this I don't know. A Y2J hockey jersey is in the works. The design is very similar to that of the New York Rangers. An APA shirt is also in the works. Sadly, no Steve "Head Cheese" Blackman shirts are not on the table yet. Send your letters to the people at and show your displeasure. Also the woman doing the presentation asked if we would purchase a Vince McMahon t-shirt. Sadly, a good portion of the people there said they would. A Radicals shirt is in the works with the slogan, "Who Needs Friends When You Have Enemies?" That was about it for the presentation. It was 30 minutes long. Everybody got a WWF Attitude t-shirt for their participation. I always said I would never purchase a WWF Attitude shirt and I lived up to that promise. Even one of WWF officials agreed with my "Mancow Sucks" sign. He said, "He's good to listen to about once a month."

Finally, I was able to get to my seat. I had a balcony seat, but it was really nice because despite being a full house nobody sat next to me. I was next to a camera crew and a rail. Camera crew people don't count as actual wrestling fans. At least not the two guys who were working near me. It turned out my friends were in the lower section right below me. I thought I had a better seat than them and I paid ten bucks less.

Hot merchandise at the show were Jerichoholic and Taz(z) shirts which sold out by the end of the night. Also, a HHH shirt sold out early on. The Rock's "Poontang Pie" shirt was a quick sell out too.

Howard Finkel then came out to a good pop, but as soon as he started pushing WWF merchandise the crowd turned on him. Finkel pitching a "Poontang Pie" t-shirt was funny.

Two dark matches for the night which were pretty good.

Scott "Sickboy" Vick took on Tracy Smothers in a dark match. Smothers played the dickhead heel while Vick played the babyface. There was a boring chant early on. Vick won with a missle dropkick and surprisingly got a good pop.

The Dupps beat two heel jobbers. Dupps played babyfaces. It was ok for what it was.

A couple of pretty good matches will air on Jakked/Metal this weekend. Taz vs. Gangrel and Kaientai vs. Stevie Richards & Essa Rios w/Lita. Mark Henry vs. Viscera and Headbangers vs. Mean Street Posse made the crowd go MILD.

Lilian Garcia then came out and sang the national anthem. She did a great job and the fans let her know it. Then I can't remember what she did, but a LOT of people starting booing her. A few minutes later she sucked up to the crowd and got cheered again. Then she shilled Rock merchandise and fans booed her again. This means little if anything, but I found it funny.

Just about everybody on the WWF roster is really over. As soon as somebody's music hits the crowd pops. HHH gets a face pop for his entrance, but as soon as starts talking people boo and chant "asshole." What up with THAT?

The Dudleys were over as babyfaces. Before the dark matches video clips of Buh Buh Ray powerbombing Mae Young through a table were cheered wildly by the fans. Footage of the Bikini contest from the Rumble was shown and when Mae Young was shown on the screen got HUGE heel heat. It was SICK.

Before the Acolytes-Edge & Christian match two broads sitting in the floor seats started making out and flashing the crowd. They did this on and off for the rest of the night.

Biggest pops:
Mick Foley (My ears were ringing after the show it was so loud.)
The Rock (Lots of "Rocky" chants throughout the night.)
"Stone Cold" Vince McMahon (He's a 54 year old version of Steve Austin.)
Taz(z), Chris Jericho, Hardy Boyz, Dudley Boyz, Too Cool, Rikishi, and Kane got very big pops.

Most Heat:
HHH & Stephanie
Kurt Angle
Big Slow & Shane
X-Pac & Dogg (A lot of fans played sing along, but during the match these two got heel heat. Numerous "X-Pac sucks" chants.)
Malenko, Saturn, and Guerrero

That's about it. April 16th I plan on going to Spring Stampede for free unless somebody pays me to take their tickets.

Peace out.

Greg Kliver

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