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ECW House Show


Guest columnist: Larrybud


A quick question to start: how do you just decide to go to a rather anticipated wrestling show in a major metro area the morning of the event, order tickets on the net thru Ticketbastard and still get front row seats? Sheesh, I'm a lucky boy.

Let the speculation end...who will become the new ECW World Heavyweight Champ? Sandman? Dreamer? Raven? Tanaka? Storm? Dawn Marie? Let's find out!!

Unless you've been hiding under a rock the past week, you know that current champ Mike Awesome has jumped to the "greener" pastures of Turnerland and was seen on this past week's Nitro attacking Big Diesel Kevin Nash. Now, Paul E. must find a new champ and quick! The issue is to be decided tonight!

From the Egyptian Room (don't ask me about The Bangles, I don't wanna know) at the Murat Center in Indianapolis, it's a fuckin' ECW house show (with a certain little snippet to be shown on TNN).

Let me explain first that I saw NOTHING past 3 p.m. Central online about who the challenger would be, nor did anybody else among the 1500 gathered there that I could talk to. But let's get to the prelims...

SWINGING JACK v. CHILLY "THE NATURAL" WILLY. Chilly's an African-American with blonde hair, okay? Chilly, by the way, is billed as being from Indy, which matches every house show that he's done so far, so I'm told. A decent little match, with some high-flying moves, though nothing shocking. Chilly gets the roll-up outta nowhere for the victory (call it about 5:00).

DA BALDIES v. DANNY DORING AND "ANGRY AMISH" ROADKILL. Baldies out first, with Angel running down the gathering, ending with calling them pussies. Doring and Roadkill come out, with Doring saying, "If you people are pussies, then I say that you people are what you eat!" Heh. Match starts with Grimes and Devito (no Grimes tonight) attacking Roadkill and Doring, with Doring blowing a hop-over spot, prompting a "You Fucked Up!" chant. Doring spends most of this match as "the face in peril." About two minutes later, with Doring ready to whip Roadkill for a splash on the present Baldies, Doring sez, "Here's your fuck up," and whips Roadkill into the corner for a splash. Roadkill then goes to the other corner and goes up top, only to have Devito knock him out of the ring and through the timekeeper's table. Match ends with Roadkill and Doring doing the Demolition guillotine leg-drop for the pin(6:00ish). Not bad.

SIMON DIAMOND(w/Prodigy, Musketeer, and unknown female eye-candy) v. MIKEY WHIPWRECK. Diamond scolds the babe for wearing shorts that reveal her backside and gets to stand in the corner, as do the others before Whipwreck gets out, in a new red hairdo. Diamond makes fun of the new 'do as Prodigy attacks from behind to start the match. Some decent in-ring action goes on about 3 minutes before everybody from Diamond's corner runs in. The babe just misses a moonsault on Whipwreck, as(James Vandenberg is)THE DEVIL makes his way to ringside to distract everybody in the building, including the combatants, who take the action outside. Back in the ring, Devil and Musketeer have a sword fight (the Devil uses his cane) before Whipwreck rolls in to hit a crotch-shot to the Musketeer with his sword. Diamond's gang gathers outside the ring in a huddle, telegraphing a nice plancha by Whipwreck onto all four members! Match ends with Mikey hitting a Whipsnapper for the pin. Pretty good(5:30). Ya think Whipwreck gave any advice to Awesome before he headed south? "Mike, SMELL the burial coming, before it's too late!!"

KID ROCK, er KASH v. RHINO(w/Jack Victory). Rhino charges the ring and is met by a right, right, kick, DDT by Kash, who then throws Rhino outside. Kash then hits a SWEET springboard plancha on the "Rookie Monster." And here is where Kash's offense ends, as he rolls Rhino back into the ring, whips him into the corner, charges, and meets a STIFF back-elbow. Rhino spends the rest of the match pummeling Kash, ending with a spear and a pile-driver for the 1,2,3(maybe 3:00). Despite my description: IT'S A SQUASH!

THE DANGEROUS ALLIANCE (featuring C.W. ANDERSON and BILLY WILES) v. CHRIS CHETTI AND NOVA. LOU E. teases the crowd by saying that he'll let ELECTRA take her coat off; then, remembering that he's in Indiana, says no, prompting the dreaded "slut" chant. Pretty decent match, with many object frequently found under rings being used. Best spot was a top-rope VanDaminator by Chetti on Anderson. JAZZ gets involved when Electra gets involved, but suffers a piledriver from Anderson for her troubles. Novacaine on Wiles ends it for the pin(about 7:00). The Dangerous Alliance attacks after the decision, pummeling the victors for about a minute before familiar gansta rap blares from the PA. Well, it looks like the HARDCORE GANGSTA NEW JACK is back. Moreover, to my utter shock and consternation, he has a garbage can fulla plunda! He tosses it in the ring: let the garbage begin. Tonight weapons du joir are the garbage can lid, a wooden crutch, and a cookie sheet, all used liberally on the Alliance. Oh, let's not forget the fork used on Anderson causing tonight's first blood loss. And, for sheer creativity's' sake, he puts a dry-erase board on Anderson's crotch and takes a driver (about a 10 degree one, I think) and tees off. Then, New Jack takes the stick. He says that it's going to "take more than a twenty-foot motherfuckin' fall" to put him out of action for good. He gets a "Welcome Back" chant. And, in a nice touch, he gets a young boy from the crowd and takes him in the ring to get the experience of a lifetime. The kid gets to keep the driver, too.

Intermezzo. Anybody seen Awesome? Word has it that he's in a car with somebody who looks like DOUG DILLINGER.

LITTLE GUIDO(w/Jenny Craig poster child Sal E.)v. SUPER CRAZY!!! Sal E. already makes a friend with a member of the crowd before the match even starts. "Super Crazy" chant starts almost as fast. As one would expect, this match is the best of the night. Crazy does his usual high-flying, including doing a moonsault off the crowd gate onto Guido, prompting the first good "ECW" chant of the evening. Back into the ring for some actual old-school from Guido. Up top, Guido hits a fameasser, followed by Sal E.'s big-ass splash. More double-team hijinks as Guido's on Sal's shoulder, but Guido misses the leg-drop. Crazy quickly up to the top rope, missile drop-kick for Sal, who tumbles outside. Crazy pulls Guido up, ten-punch count-along (en espaniol), but Guido picks Crazy up after dias, reversed into a Tornado DDT by Crazy! Moonsault! Damn!! Crazy holds Guido up for about 30 seconds for a jackknife powerbomb and 3!(11:00)

RAVEN(w/Francine)v. LANCE STORM(w/Dawn Marie). Sorry, no JUSTIN ADJECTIVE tonight. This is my first up-close look at Dawn Marie: the television doesn't do her justice. Francine says that Dawn's a crack-whore, Raven says that he'd like to have sex with Dawn, but, "It'd be like throwing a wrench into a garage." Ha! Lance and Dawn begin to walk out, but a "pussy" chant shames them back to the ring. The festivities begin immediately thereafter, initially with punches and kicks, then with the ever-popular restholds. Now, ladies and gentlemen, we will see why Raven is paired with Francine, as she takes the stick. She challenges Dawn to a fight about five minutes in, but Storm sends her away. Crowd now starts a "Canada sucks" chant (wonder if Jericho was in the ring if they'd say that)? Storm has control until Dawn tries to hit Raven in the eyes with the dreaded baby powder, but misses both, but Storm grabs his eyes anyway, prompting the second "You Fucked Up" chant of the night. Raven hits an Evenflow DDT outta nowhere for a quick 2. While Storm recovers, we now get our catfight, as Dawn and Francine do the prerequisite rolling around but nothing else. Raven is in control for most of the rest of the match, until Storm regains control with his feet and hits a superkick for the win. About 12:00, but a lot of stalling due to the teasing of the catfights. Raven had better do some serious cardio work if he wants VinnieMac to give him a serious look-see.

STEVE CORINO(w/Jack Victory and bullrope w/bell)v. TOMMY(I wanna be like Mick) DREAMER. Corino says that there's nobody in the lockeroom that wants to wrestle him in a Texas Bullrope match, so Dreamer's out to accept the challenge. Dreamer charges in and takes the bell to Corino and Victory, but he doesn't see YOSHIHIRO TAJIRI sneak up from behind to attack him. Oh, I guess it's...

TOMMY DREAMER v. YOSHIHIRO TAJIRI. Corino says that it's no longer a Texas Bullrope match, but a Japanese Death Match. Okay. Tajiri must have forgotten his Television Title Belt, by the way. Tajiri works over Dreamer and hits two consecutive STIFF kick, bringing Dreamer down. Into the ropes, Dreamer reverses, but is caught in the ropes. Tarantula!! Tajiri now brings actual ring psychology in, working on Dreamer's right arm and shoulder with armdrag, armbars and kicks. Into the corner, chops(whoo!), whip into the corner with excessive force, turning Dreamer upside-down and into the Tree of Woe. Tajiri sets up, but misses his two-footed kick as Dreamer sits up(!), and Dreamer puts Tajiri into the Tree of Woe. Crotch-stand by Dreamer. Chair set up into corner, two-footed kick by Dreamer! To the outside, whip into the crowd gate, punch, punch, punch. Dreamer has the stick! He says it's now an Indianapolis Street Fight. Back in the ring, Dreamer tries to set up a neckbreaker, but it's reversed, GREEN MIST O' DOOM from Tajiri. This now means, basically, that the lockeroom empties. "Enter Sandman" fires up for EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE UNCLE, SANDMAN. HEY!! THE SIGN SAYS NO SMOKING IN THE EGYPTIAN ROOM!! Oh, well. He comes in and is swinging the kendo stick with bad intent. Nails everybody but Dreamer, but gets konked by the bullrope bell by Corino. Now Corino is using the stick on Sandman (hey, that's not very oldschool!). Eventually, everybody is out for a pier-sixteen brawl. Good thing I kept my eyes in front of me, or Tajiri would have taken yours truly out as he rolled right into me (I'm okay, thanks for your concern!). Shortly thereafter, Sandman works over Rhino, but gets the RED MIST O' DOOM from Tajiri. Rhino then takes Sandman over the ropes for more table abuse. The rest of the participants of the night's card eventually fight their way to the back(??).

Now, we've seen Rhino, Crazy, Sandman, Raven, Dreamer, and Storm. Credible's not here. I've figured it out! It's MASATO TANAKA!!! I could stand another great match between Tanaka and Awesome. Speaking of which...

YOUR NEWEST WCW SUPERSTAR MIKE AWESOME(w/Judge Jeff Jones) comes in through the public entrance to the Egyptian Room. Somebody's not wanted in the lockeroom, apparently, nor does the crowd as it stars a "You Sold Out!" chant, the loudest chant of the night so far. The belt is there, too, without any signs of trash on it. Jones says that Awesome has beaten everybody in the lockeroom, so what's the point of him defending it.

Then, it sounds like that PA's CD player is malfunctioning, because it sounds like it keeps skipping. Then, I suddenly recognize that it's a heartbeat. To quote Joey Styles, "OH, MY GOD!!!!!!"

Sure enough, it's TAZZ. And the place goes BALLISTIC!!! The entire place is STUNNED and begins a "HOLY SHIT" chant. Yeah, I saw the replay by now on TNN, and trust me, it was edited(golly, WCW might hire THEIR production team, too.)

MIKE AWESOME v. TAZZ for the ECW World Heavyweight Championship. Punch exchange to begin, Tazz tosses Awesome out of the ring, then into the crowd rail. More exchanged punches, back into the ring. "Fuck 'im up, Tazz" chant. Tazz kicks, whip reversed into the corner and into the referee. Awesome calls for a table, but Tommy Dreamer is in, kick to Awesome, DDT. Dreamer slides out, and Tazz makes the cutthroat signal!! Tazzmission!!!! Awesome taps!!!!!
There's a new sheriff in town!!!(1:30, maybe). Awesome leaves through the same way he came in. Referee raises Tazz's hand, then Dreamer comes in and raises Tazz's hand. The reaction to this is tremendous. Tazz now has the stick and is greeted with a "Welcome Back" chant. He states that some motherfuckers don't know how to handle there business, and he does. He leaves the crowd with one thing to remember, which the crowd finishes for him...

"I am Tazz, the ECW Heavyweight Champion. Beat me if you can, survive if I let you!!"

Well, that was pretty unforgettable wasn't it. This was the first time I'd ever been to an ECW show. The intimacy of a smaller venue has great advantages.
Not really a bad seat in the house this way. It was a pretty good show before the last 10 minutes happened anyway.

So, what does this all mean? Is Tazz just holding the belt until ROB VAN DAM is cleared for action? Is this just one way for Vince and Paul E. to give a "fuck you" to Eric Bischoff? How long will Tazz hold on to the belt. I'll let you decide that.

By the way, I'm the dude in the dark gold hat, glasses, and goatee, leaning over the gate when Tazz walks by the 3rd corner.


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