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ECW House Show


Guest columnist: Scott Bryant


can a million screaming ECW fans be wrong?

I attended the ECW show in Indianapolis last night. Yes, the title change came off as a total shock and was quite cool, the rest of the card sucked balls, and shows you why ECW needs to do something drastic to improve their line-up. The last time ECW was here two years ago we got RVD/Jerry Lynn (their first match ever?) Sabu/Sandman, etc. Enough with the history lets get on with the show. (BTW, my review lacks "wrestling" info as I was sitting too far back, and could only see things when everyone stood up. Although, I was two seats down from the entrance.)

Match 1. Chilly Willy Vs. Mr. WCWSN Johnny Swinger
They announced Chilly as being from Indianapolis, however I've never seen him wrestle at any indy shows. This match was just plain, independent league bad. Chilly gets the win. I could care less.

Match 2. The Baldies Vs. Danny Doring/Roadkill
Baldies come out try to rip on the crowd by calling them pussies. WOO HOO! Doring/Roadkill came out to a face pop? When did these guys become faces? Doring has the mike and proceeds to say my all time favorite 5th grade line......."These guys are pussies! They are what they eat!" Great. Another nothing match. I actually like Doring, well I did like Doring when he had "Muffin Ass" on the back of his tights. I think Roadkill went through the time keepers table at some point, after falling off the turnbuckle. Doring pinned one of the Baldies for the win.

Match 3. Simon Diamond with his entourage of a Musketeer (complete with 3 Musketeer candybars), Prodigy, and some girl Vs. Mikey Whipwreck
Diamond did some TOTALLY FUCKING LAME spiel where the Musketeer and the girl had to "go stand in the corner" for not doing "what Simon says". Why was there a Musketeer? Mikey comes out with red hair, and the match is on. What happened to Mikey, he goes to WCW and comes back a scrub? Another nothing match. Jimmy "The Devil", or whatever his name is, comes down to the ring mid match, on behalf of Mikey. "The Devil" has a duel with the Musketeer. You see the Musketeer has a sword (he won't be a musketeer without one), and "The Devil" has a cane. Actually the "duel" was the best part of the match. Mikey Whippersnapped just about everyone in the ring and got the pin.

Match 4. Kid Kash Vs. Rhino (with Jack Victory)
Why did David Jericho become the worst gimmick in ECW, Kid Kash? Rhino tripped on the steps to the ring, but proceeded to more or less squash Kid Kash, with an awesome piledriver.

Match 5. Nova and Chetti Vs. The New Dangerous Alliance, with Lou E. Dangerously and Electra
Dangerous Alliance comes out, and Lou E. gets on the mic doing the usual anti-crowd stuff. He asked if the crowd wants to see Electra remove her robe. Of course, the crowd, half of which have probably never seen a women half naked, without having to have to stuff dollars into her g-string, goes wild. Electra decides to stay robed, the faces make their entrance, and the match is on. Standard tag match between the two teams, which isn't bad. Somehow, Jazz (rhymes with Tazz) comes down to the ring, and removes Electra's robe (hmmmm). The end of the match came when Chetti hit a Springboard kick of off the top rope, while a chair was put in front of CW's head, sort of a mortified Vandaminator (sp?). The Dangerous Alliance give the beat down post-match, hit Natural Born Killers, and out comes New Jack. Not the best plunder sequence, but decent. CW gets some color as New Jack pulls out a fork and carves him up. Jazz and New Jack celebrate in the end, with some kid picked out of the crowd.

Time of intermission. I wander out to check out what, I think, was at Rob Feinstien's table. The crowd in the little hallway was just too damn full of sticky whitetrash. I purchased a beer, and go back to my seat.

Match 6. Super Crazy Vs. Little Guido, with Big Sal E.
Decent little match. Super Crazy is super over. More, or less, standard match between the two. Crazy hit some cool moonsaults and all. Super Crazy gets the win after a super crazily long brainbuster. Match of the night, not counting the main event. During Guido's and Big Sal's exit, a kid in front of me throws a wad of paper at Big Sal. Sal gets in the kids face, and then has security throw him out. I thought it was funny.

Match 7. Lance Storm, with my future wife, Dawn Maria Vs. Raven, with Francine
I was expecting a little more out of this match. Hella stall at the beginning. The two women tease a cat fight, but nothing comes out of it. Raven with the line: "Dawn Maria, I thought about having sex with you, but it would be like throwing a wrench into a garage." IT'S THE NIGHT OF THE ONE-LINERS!!! After about six or seven minutes of action, Dawn Maria tries to throw powder into Raven's face, but botches the whole thing. We get the cat fight, Raven gets the SuperKick. Storm wins. On Raven's way back to the back, I notice he's one fat fuck.

Match 8. Tajiri Vs. Tommy Dreamer
This starts out with Steve, my hero, Corino and Jack Victory hitting the ring. Corino's on the stick, talking about all the people he punked out (Limp Bizkit, Dusty, etc.), and how there was no one in the back to fight him in a Texas Bull Rope match. (Guy behind me: "He's not from Texas!" The one-liners continue.) This, of course, brings out Tommy Dreamer. Dreamer and Corino fight for a few minutes, but out come Tajiri. Corino changes it to a Japanese Street Fight with Dreamer Vs. Tajiri. A few minutes of brawling follows, and Dreamer, being the suck ass he is, changes it to a "motherfucking Indianapolis Street Fight". Dreamer and Tajiri brawl around the crowd for a while, then end up back in the ring, and the beatdown from the three "bad guys" on Dreamer starts. "Enter Sandman" plays, out comes Sandy. The three-on-two brawl starts, some mist here, cane shot there. Then Rhino sprints out, not tripping this time, followed by Super Crazy, followed by the entire locker room, except for Nova who is laughing with Paul E. on the production stage. Clusterfuck ending.

Match 9. "Mullet" Mike Awesome with Judge, oh uh do I have a job now, Jeff Jones Vs. Tazz
Awesome comes out from the crowd entrance (supposedly with Doug Dillenger). (I wonder if he was in the locker room at all that evening.) Big "You Sold Out" chant. (Hell, I had to chant, too). Awesome says some shit on the mic about how the entire locker room had just been out, and there was no one left to beat him. Tazz's WWF music plays, which no one, myself included, recognized. Once the "heavy part" kicks in, you know the part of the song after the "beating part", Tazz comes out from the curtain, and the place goes NUTS!!!!! This should look awesome on TV! Everyone was screaming, jumping up and down on their seats, just amazing! To be honest I did not see any of this match, everyone was up on their seats. I think Tazz and Awesome fought for a few minutes, Dreamer came out hit a DDT (?), and Tazz applied the Tazmission. Tazz wins! The place erupts! Awesome bails out the same way he came in. The ring announcer announces Tazz the winner as "The winner, the Human Wrecking Machine, Tazz." (Strange as, if you've read any interviews with Tazz recently, he's been saying he's the Human Wrecking Machine now, not the Human Suplex Machine.)
Big "Welcome Back" chant! While this is going on Dreamer is standing under the ECW entrance giving a hand to Tazz.
Tazz cuts a promo about how Awesome is a piece of shit, and how he (Tazz) did the right thing by dropping the strap to Awesome in Chicago. Tazz leaves, and the show is over. On the way out, everyone was hyped up on Tazz's return.
If the show hadn't included the main event, it would have been horrible. The main event, however, made me, and probably everyone else forget about the shitty undercard. The crowd for the show was huge, as it looked to be standing room only. This was the first time for wrestling in the Egyptian Room, a place that mostly holds concerts. The set up wasn't too bad. My main problem was, I couldn't see a damn thing. Well that, and the shit-ass undercard.
Next week the Egyptian Room is holding the ICP wrestling show, which may or may not be good.

Scott Bryant

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