Just got back from RAW IS WAR in Baltimore. There was wrestling and stuff.
There were two dark matches, the first one escapes me because I hate cheapo
seats on the 3rd level to begin with (more on that later). The second match
was between the Dupps and some unnamed team with matching tights. They
kinda looked like a shorter, stockier version of the Hardy's, and the match
was full of moonsaults and the like from the unnamed team. The Dupps still
won however, with a noticeable pop for ending the match. The Dupps need to
change their outfits QUICK, I mean, dirty brown shirts and cut off shorts?
Some local kid named Joe always attends wrestling events with a Joe sign
and a DX shirt. He had his mom in another section with a Joe's mom poster,
and his brother somewhere else. For some reason, all 10 thousand or so
people LOVE telling him he sucks. This kid is definitely World Championship
material in WCW. Heel heat without a WORD?
Next thing I remember its 8:30 and my friend and I decided to move to the
first floor, which is still pretty empty 30 minutes before the main show.
Our first attempt was thwarted. Can I see your tickets please, we're
sold out you can't sit anywhere you want. So we left naturally and went
through the next door but somehow ended up RIGHT BACK where we started.
Can I see your tickets please? FUCK. We had to go all the way
around, but we made it to the first floor, right behind the big platform on
the ground. Not a good place to be, unless you want to stare at matches
with peripheral vision (people pay for THIS?) We finally got some good
seats on the second level right by the action.
Metal or Jakked or whatever the hell they call it came and went. Sorry, I
missed most of it searching for seats. I do remember Dean Malenko beating
Stevie Richards though. Oh, and Bull Buchanan beat Val Venis...Val's
entrance video is hilarious when you see it in its entirety for the first
Signs in crowd: Triple Gay, Stone Cold is Fat, Do You Smell...My Poontang
Pie (girls of course), Finally, The Rock Has Come, I Love Eating Poontang
Pie, I Had Chyna's Kids (held by a guy). Just for the record, poontang is
not a new word, I recall its usage in elementary school (at least 10 years
ago). Rooty poo or however you spell it is just another street term that's
been around for YEARS. Candyass? Now THAT'S original.
Raw starts, with pretty cool pyro. I'm sure I'll miss some matches, even
though there were like 6. My order will also be screwy, don't worry about
it. Guy in front of me sits absolutely still during the entire
opening, with his head to one side on his hand. I thought he was
unconscious, my friend thought he was dead.
Edge and Christian come out, to a mixed reaction. T&A got barely anything.
The Duds had everyone cheering, pretty much establishing that they are
babyfaces. We want Trish and We Want Tables cheers started...ending sucked,
T&A didn't do all their power moves either. How come D-von ALWAYS is the
Dud to get pinned? Dead/Unconscious guy still has not moved, even after
Long ass interview time. Let me tell you, in the arena, you cannot barely
hear one word anyone is saying. Triple H's pauses helped some but
Stephanie's voice didn't carry anywhere and McMachon had to tell the crowd
to shut up before they quieted down. You could still barely hear him.
People like calling Steph, a nice, beautiful, pure, young, curvaceous woman
a WHORE for some reason. WHY? Loudest part of the night probably, dead guy
Too Cool vs. Hardys. Again, Hardys didn't really hit anything too exciting
(resting after the PPV?) and Too Cool bores me. The worm is really
something you must see. For some reason, 15 year old breakdancing moves are
still entertaining. Someone give one of those old rap groups a CHECK!
Anyway, Scotty pulls down Grandmaster's pants to a big pop for some reason.
Jericho and X-Pac? Who cares, they wrestled sometime in there. Jericho
has the coolest entrance of any wrestler, his pyro is also the loudest. He
amazed us with his spelling and abuse of the English language. FUCKING
CANADIANS!!!!!! X-Pac definitely got the most heel heat of the night during
a match. People even boo his homo-erotic-blatantattemptatcoppingafeel bitch
move the bronco buster. We all know what happened. Gay ass squash. Is
anyone ever going to let Jericho pin them? Hebner is a comedian. His magic
hands of stone cause anyone to drop from one touch, even if they have
100 or more pounds on him. His acting is pretty funny.
2 women tease with some puppies. One woman with enormous breasts jiggles
them towards either side, to huge cheers, and then puts her friend's face in
her chest. Kid behind me, all of ten years old: LESBIANS. You
SLUTS!. Parents attempt to act shocked. Advice from a wise man to me
one day: If you can see her breasts from behind her, marry her.
Sadly, I didn't see the woman later. Dead guy is still out. Sweat builds
on his head. Maybe his carcass senses puppies. Breast count: 4.
Was it Tazz next? Eh who cares. Tazz got a good reaction until he spoke
that nonsense about turning the frown upside down (WHAT??!!). The mood is
about...what a weak catchphrase. Benoit came out to decent boo/cheers, but
he is definitely not over either way. Has he even spoken a complete
sentence yet? Crowd wasn't really into this. There was the nice ECW chant
even though most of the crowd had no idea who ECW was. A nickname? "Is he
gonna run in?" And the ending was screwy (I KNOW he pinned him) because
everyone was expecting a run in with Saturn but he didn't do anything till
the end. Hardcore should get the strap. To get him over. Cuz Zed Our See
said so. No, wait that's--uh, nevermind. Jus' kidding mayn. Dead guy DOES
Almost forgot. The women fought sometime about something with some move or
some hold involving gyrations, rollovers, and frequent hair pulling or
something or other. Breast count: 12.
Puppy teasers start up again. When she rises, they cheer, when she sits,
they boo. She does this to amuse herself for several commercial breaks.
Young buck: LESBIANS!. Someone HIRE this woman!
Crash Holly did something. But some Ravens(?)-the crowd didn't find out
who they were-beat him up. Yeah, NEXT. Someone: "Nitro is better, HHH is
GOD!" Little kid: Nitro and HHH are GAAAAAAAYYYYY! People: "We are
shocked." Little kids: "Preach on brother!" Dead guy? Probably glad that
he's on the other side right now.
Edge and Christian vs. Rikishi and Show-kishi? ahahahahahahahahahaa, did
you see that? I mean, did you see.......................that pose Edge and
Christian hit? ahahahhahaahaha. Oh yeah, Show and Rikishi were dressed
alike and played with their asses alot. Crowd dug this. They cheered most
of this match. Same dance as always. They ain't Ernest Miller, but they're
alright for some fat guys. Dead guy is spared from gratuitous ass shots.
Rocky had a huge reaction and it seemed like every other sign had something
about the Rock. This is becoming mildly annoying, I mean, people sit there
and say It doesn't matter....and other things. Foul mouthed kid who says
lesbians is a devout Rock fan it seems, someone please call Phil Mushnick.
Rock's promo is thankfully short, and, lookeehere, its ten o'clock. Vince
announcing Shane as the opponent basically killed the crowd for this
segment. Until the Shane is a pussy chant...haha, that was funny, one of
the biggest of the night. Dead guy budges sometime, to switch his head to
his other hand...whoa, I really thought he was dead there. Remains
absolutely still for the remainder of the show. $25 to sleep? Idiot.
Is this the right order? HELL NO! Fuck order! Fuck it, right in the ear!
Cage match was just scary. It looked like Shane was going to die. It was
a great visual. Why did he slide across the top when he could have jumped
over? Why was the Rock selling for SHANE? The pussy? Was that Patterson
in the ring? Hey, what's he LOOKING at?! NO! He can't do that, put the
monster back, put it--whoa, must have lost it for a second. Nothing of
importance happened after the bell. Triple H sat on the cage for like an
eternity. As the Rock went up the ramp the cheers got louder. I noticed
that Jericho probably got the loudest pop, until the end when the crowd went
nuts when the Rock won. Interesting. No APA? Kurt Angle at the movies?
Dammit! Did anything else happen? Oh yeah, Eddie and Essa was pretty good
despite what looked like many blown spots. What the hell was Lita covering?
Eddie got a big pop at the beginning of his video but it died down QUICKLY.
I don't get that. As Eddie and Chyna left, they kept getting bigger pops
until Chyna raised their hand and killed it. Weird.
The dead guy lived and left. The dirty mouthed bastard(s) left alone?(!)
Joe talked shit in the parking lot to a huge crowd of people. People REALLY
hate this kid. He sat near JR at the bottom of the arena. Otherwise, I
think he would have been mauled.
Talking, lots of it, what we CAME TO SEE. Tank Abott vs. David Arquette?
ARE U SERIOUS? Sorry, I'm watching the Nitro rerun as I write this up.
They're jobbing people to David Arquette? That's pretty cool actually.
Vampiro's tee shirt ad is pretty funny. Hey, have you seen the Rucker Park
commercials? "On Hallowed Ground." They should have Stasiak shoot promos
from that court. Show him dunk on someone. Then I'll buy it. I'll shut up
Talk Amongst Yourselves
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