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WWF in Baltimore


Guest columnist: Juggernaut


Baltimore Arena
Baltimore, MD

I apologise for not putting this up yesterday, but I was home sick. - CRZ

Live from the Baltimore Arena. Yeah.

It looked like a genuine sellout, yet my friend and I still got first level tickets side by side on the first level. Right behind the 5 FATTEST KIDS I have EVER SEEN.

Heat Spoilers:

Hardy Boyz w/Mexican Lita vs. Mean Street Posse: So so match, with the Posse just acting as practice dummies for the Hardy's usual high flying. Edge and Christian came in to interfere, but the Hardy's won anyway. After the match, E&C beat down the Posse until they mounted a comeback and threw E&C outta the ring. Blah.

X-pac vs. Test: For some strange reason, X-Pac still gets a pop upon his entrance. Test got a mixed reaction from the crowd. Weird sequence in the middle of the match when it looks like X-Pac is shooting on Test but it went away quickly. For some damn reason, X-Pac DOMINATED this match against a guy twice his size. Billy Gunn made the ubiquitous run after about 3 minutes and gave Pac the famouser. Gunn's pop was ENORMOUS.

Quick interlude: Man, these little kids are REALLY fat. They go through fries, popcorn, hot dogs, AND pizza before Heat is over. I kid you not. Anyway, it amuses me to see spoiler reports where people write something to the effect of: such and such CLEARLY had the loudest pop of the night. This is bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. The average person can't distinguish exact sound levels in an arena at that level. For the louder pops, there really is little difference between the Rock, and say, Chris Jericho. Most are just revealing their own personal preferences and/or stupidity. On that note, the loudest pops (I ain't gonna try and decide which was THE loudest) were: Rock, Stone Cold, Y2J, Billy Gunn, and HHH.

Back to the action, the ring announcer (who always gets booed) tries to sell us a Finally the Rock has Come Back to Baltimore shirt, and a "cute, cuddly, puppy of the Road Dogg." His words I swear.

Eddie Guerrero vs. The Goodfather: RTC gets KILLER heat when they come out. Eddie G. and Chyna get a pretty good sized pop. Has anyone noticed that Steven Richards has a VERY pronounced limp? Hmm? No, you probably haven't., but when he walks up the ramp he really looks unstable. How long has he been hurt? Where's the search for who hurt him (wasn't it Jericho)? Anyway, Goodfather beats on Eddie G. for a while. Steven Richards interferes and then Chyna does. Richards gets beat down by Chyna and Eddie hits a top rope dropkick for the win. Man, Richards looks like he's in PAIN.

Saturn comes out to nothing, not a sound, I could hear conversations going on ten rows up. Oh well. Triple H comes out to an INSANE pop. What the hell is Triple H doing on the C show anyway? Really, really, BAD match, as H and Saturn stall, stall, and stall, then practice their first-day-at-camp wrestling reversals, putting the crowd to sleep. H of course mounts a comeback and wins. After the match, it looked as if H was testing his chances as a babyface. He stopped and looked at the crowd and then did his pose several times. Each time, he got a pop. There is no going back now. Unless he beats Stephanie with a pipe and molests Chyna in front of her, he's a face for good.


Smackdown starts: Look for me on TV with the white John Henry shirt behind the 5 VERY FAT KIDS. The kids really have filthy mouths. "PUT ME ON TV MOTHERFUCKERS." People gasp and act surprised, meanwhile, their own kids sit RIGHT BESIDE THEM saying the same shit and DRINKING BEER. Comedy this is.

Hardy Boyz w/Some Lady que quiero Taco Bell vs. Lo Down & Jackie: I don't know, I was busy eating pizza. Jackie looks to be about 4 ft. tall in person. If she wasn't so ugly, she might be decent (huh?). Lita chant starts up no less than 30 seconds after the match starts. They tease a Lita vs. Jackie confrontation through the whole match. D'Lo seems to be getting a little chubby there. Triple DDT by the Hardy Mexicans, leading to a Lita gonna-break-my-necksault onto Jackie for the win. After the win, D'Lo and Chaz do a SWEET top rope combo on the Hardys. Chaz superplexes one of the Hardy's and then D'Lo hits the frog splash immediately after that. Deadly.

Al Snow vs. X-Pac for the European Title: Hmmm....Snow's gimmick country this time is Transylvania. Copa apparently means Head. Snow gets NO reaction, not even laughs. I left for the bathroom and it was over when I got back. I did hear Snow's music so I'll assume he won by DQ because there is NO WAY he pinned X-Pac.

RTC vs Eddie G. and the Acolytes: FUCK THIS. The WWF is getting SERIOUSLY boring. I just saw this match! Eddie G vs Goodfather? They even do the EXACT SAME MOVES. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...who cares! RTC wins I think, I wasn't paying any damn attention.

Joe, the ever present Baltimore bastard, holds up his sign saying Joe. This kid is at every event, concert, or activity in Baltimore. People hate him so much they bring their own signs to mock him. One says, Joe is A Bitch, Joe is Queer, Joe is My Dad (?). Anyway, during the break some guy hops the railing to the floor and beats the LIVING CRAP outta Joe. The guy gets kicked out, but people popped for it. Joe immediately goes back to holding up his sign. No really good signs this time.

Tazz and Raven vs. the Dudleyz: ahahahahahahah, Tazz' video is FUNNY. Hahahahahahahahhaahah. Oh man. Raven immediately draws heat for talking about the Ravens. I have never understood the fascination with Raven. He seems sorta boring to me. Anyway, typical match between these four. Tazz tries a senton, and falls on his back. It doesn't look right when he does it, he ain't flexible enough, it looks like he is just jumping onto his back. Tables chant starts no less than 10 seconds after the match begins. Buh Buh looks around to acknowledge it, and then shakes his head like, "you fucking people, don't you even care about the match?" Buh Buh uses the ring bell and gets DQ'ed. He did get to put Raven through the table however.

quick note: D-Von threw his glasses into the crowd before the match. Some guy picked it up and tried to give it to some girl with large breasts. Security SHOVES him on the floor, takes the glasses back, and then tell him to sit down. Weird

Mick Foley and Steve Austin come out for the 30 minute interview. Haha, they think they're slick by putting it in the middle or something. Haha. Most people go to the bathroom. They go over Monday's happenings and then Steve Austin, surprise, STUNS MICK FOLEY! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING EVER PUT ON TELEVISION!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, its getting pretty old. Oh, there were cops this time who did not arrest Austin for assaulting the commissioner. Foley looks to have hurt his teeth or mouth or something as he held it when he was going back. He got boos all the way.

Kurt Angle lets us all know that he's beaten Triple H and the Rock recently. E&C come out to fight with him. Their opponents are Too Cool and Rikishi with their old music it seems (I'm not sure). Too Cool is an excuse for white people to act like they can dance. Typical match, with Too Cool Comedy and the worm. Christian does a cool sequence of two suplexes followed by the Scorpion Death Drop on Hotty. Rikishi does his mash-them-with-my-ass bit in the corner and hits the Stinkyface on Kurt. Then, outta NO WHERE, Stephanie comes out and pushes Grandmasta before the Hip Hop Drop, allowing Kurt to hit the Olympic slam for the pin. Damn, no one saw that coming. FAT KIDS SAY: "How come they ain't dancing?"

Oh yeah, Stephanie and Triple H have been arguing throughout the show about whether she's a liability or not. She decides to leave (to HUGE cheers), but then apparently came back to interfere. Then she gets all in H's face saying she's a McMachon and knows all about the business and may know more than Triple H blah blah blah, bitchmustbecrazy blah blah blah. Nothing is solved here, however.......

Kurt catches up with Stephanie before she gets in the limo and asks her to accompany him to the ring every time. She says she'll consider it. Man, she really ought to wear a bra, those things were flopping all over the place. Blech.

Steve Wackman vs. Albert for the Hardcore Title: Wackman's pop is there. His entrance video puts the old Val Venis video to shame. He punches through bricks, takes a gun away from a man (ha!), gets hit in the chest with a hammer...OH MY GOD ITS watching corny ass Chuck Norris clips, with the exception that Blackman no doubt knows NO martial arts whatsoever. So so match, Albert hits his reverse suplex, Wackman says: "Its party time!" and gets wild with the sticks. Trish takes off her jacket (whoa) and tries to tease Blackman but he knocks her off and finishes off Albert with an *ahem* unbelievable kendo stick shot to the head from the top rope. Dear God, Trish is in KICK ASS SHAPE. Her legs look waaaaaaay more developed than Chyna (and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more appealing). Too bad she looks like that.


Benoit comes out and whines aboot not getting a shot. Jericho comes out and makes more of his corny ass jokes. "Benoit, why don't you complain about having a midget's head on a regular size body?" Actually, I believe he has a midget body pumped on steroids with a regular sized head, but that's just me. By the way, he got KILLER heat for his entrance. Last time they were in Baltimore, Benoit got nothing, nada, not even a yell, and he had the IC belt as well as a feud with Jericho. Chops, Chops, Chops, Chops, kick, kick, whip, chop, almost a crossface, almost a Liontamer, these two are technical EXPERTS...chop chop, Jericho's chest is visibly red...Lionsault looks to have hurt Jericho (I'm sure he's kidding) and then Triple H comes out for the DQ. Jericho wins. Benoit hits H with a chair and H blades and they fight and fight and fight and..........

Kane talks like a Rhodes Scholar. "Nothing can stop me, not the People's Elbow, not the Rock Bottom, and definitely, NOT the People." Kane gets a pop. Rock comes out to an insane pop, clearly the loudest of the night (hahahahahahahaha). Good match between these two, considering their abilities. Spinebuster goes nowhere. Kane pops up before the Elbow. Angle comes out and hits Rock with a chair, laying him out, and hitting Kane TWICE to lay him out. Kane hits a chokeslam, and then covers. For a brief instant I was sure he would win, but the ref waited too long and Rock kicked out. More fighting, Rock Bottom, shows over. Nothing important happened after that, but I swear the Rock must have the largest amount of gay (homosexual) fans I have ever seen.

And I'm out.

A later email...

I must be tired, the Rock never pinned Kane, Rikishi came in for the DQ and him and the Rock argued afterwards.


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