WOW AT THE FORUM
I am the luckiest man alive-- but I'll save why for my closer. SPOILERS
be ahead, mateys! Arrr!
So here I am, back with another WOW arena report based on hastily
scribbled notes made while being jostled by neighbors and trying to see
around the sign-bearers in front of me. Yes, the accuracy will be as
astounding as last time, when I completely forgot to mention Jeannie
Buss' presence in the audience... damn you McLane for making such a big
deal out of that!
I bought tickets early this time around, sweet seats, 3rd row back at
ringside across from the main cameras. Alas, I ended up with a bit of a
crisis since my chosen cohort bowed out and my other friends are all
stick in the mud stinkers who think of pro wrestling as amusing at best,
no matter how I try to edjumucate them. A *ringside* ticket! That I
offered up gratis!
Note to self: new friends needed.
My dad offers to come fill the seat, so what the hell, why not? Been
awhile since we had some father/son bonding. I have to wait for him to
show up which won't be until seven, but so far the show hasn't gotten
started until 8 anyhow. This does give me time to concoct a sign in
praise of Jane Blond (I AM VEDDY MUCH IN 00-HEAVEN), which I pen out on
my car trunk in *blisteringly* cold 50 degree weather! I hate December
in L.A., there's days I'm uncomfortable walking around in shorts!
(A pause while everyone in Ohio throws things at me... provided they can
dig themselves out of the snow...)
Well, dad shows up promptly at seven-ish and we enter the arena to
find RIOT IS ALREADY STANDING AT RINGSIDE WITH MCLANE! ARRRRGH! I
don't think I missed anything, but hard to tell. All the fans in the
background of the camera are clamoring for attention like spawning
salmon, and we're not even rolling yet.
It turns out I needn't have worried about putting an ass in the seat
next to me as there's some butts already filling our seats, who have
trouble getting the idea they're in the wrong place even after I show
them tickets. Apparently these are comp ticket people who were told by
staff to "just fill in anywhere". Yes, I believe that would be properly
interpreted as "fill in anywhere in GENERAL ADMISSION", not "Scarf up
those $25 ringside seats from folks who paid for them".
Eventually it all gets sorted out, just in time for the camera to roll
as McLane is interviewing Riot. According to Dave Meltzer Riot is
fighting Terri Gold tonight, which is a direct contradiction to what
McLane announced as the Main Event on Nov. 17th, which was Terri
fighting Danger. It looks like Meltzer is right as McLane says Danger
won't be competing due to her suspension being extended... they replay
the Jane Blond tabling on WOWvision to show why. Therefore, Riot's
getting the shot instead!
Riot cuts a vicious promo on Terri and then poses for us in the ring
in all her superpsychosexy glory. A great majority of the Forum's fans
appear to be quite happy to join Dean and myself on the Riot bandwagon.
The first RIOT! RIOT! chant of the night... there will be many more. Oh
I'm still wondering what happened to Danger. She's made exactly one
live appearance at each of the last two tapings-- is she not coming at
Out of nowhere appear that crazy duo of hip young crowd hypers to
start dispensing t-shirts amid deafeningly loud music. So we're *not*
started yet? What in the name of Sam Hill is a-goin' on here? Ahh,
whatever. They pull folks from the crowd for a "booty shaking" contest,
which they do every time but I've never felt like mentioning...
unsurprisingly, the short white hipsters give the nod to the large black
man hailing from South Central.
This contest has always happened in the ring before, but tonight it's
on the ramp because "Only wrestlers are allowed in the ring". I guess
the carefree days of happy children swarming Terri Gold are over...
We're also reminded that throwing objects is unacceptable, which they
hadn't ever said before... but then, the first time trash started to be
hurled in earnest was late on the 17th taping. Crowd is unhappy about
that, but surprisingly enough everyone minded their manners for the rest
of the taping.
The planted signs aren't quite as elaborate as last time, although
there's still some nice-looking ones for Jane Blond and Lotus. One guy
has a "Pin Me!" sign, another with a "Disciplinarian: Spank Me!". Can't
figure out if these are planted since they're borderline
un-family-friendly. "Jane Blond: Kicking Ass with Class" -- now Jane
would be the first to remind us Ugly Americans that should be "Arse",
but I suppose it doesn't rhyme quite as nicely.
Okay, here's something new... crowd heat practice. The hipster
twosome lead us through a round of boos, and then chants for Beckie,
Terri, and Selina. Bah! They've been coming naturally so far (except
Selina who has one syllable too many) if they'd just have miked the
crowd better for TV. Why force it?
At last we begin. Ice Cold is first out, with McLane introducing her
as "from the Arctic Blast". Ice Cold seems to be from a different
(although equally vague) chilly place every time she's announced.
Either that or McLane just can't remember.
P-A-T-T-I! P-A-T-T-I! But no Patti... Ice Cold hams it up so you know
there's foul play afoot. We cut to footage from WOWvision where we see
IC *leap* to the back attack of Patti in the dressing room and beating
her down. Back to the ring with McLane in wooden outrage and IC
laughing. IC mocking that Patti will be unable to compete... but wait!
Here's Patti's music again! Mizz Pizzazz is out on the entryway with
her arm in a sling. IC is so upset she doesn't notice Lana coming
through the crowd and sliding into the ring behind... mirror shot! Then
Lana gives McLane a little spritz to the eyes and tosses him out of the
ring, yowtch. Lana into her kit and bringing out the scissors, cutting
off some locks of Ice's hair and then skedaddling with Patti as Poison
is out to make the save. Result of match? Who knows?
Wendi Wheels is out next to fight Tanja. The usual spots are done,
with Tanja adding an Enziguri to the mix (although it hits at chest
level instead of head level. Yes, I know some will say Wheels' chest is
the much bigger target...) Wheels with a nice clothesline off the
turnbuckle, and a Blowout for the pin. But as she celebrates,
heeeeeeeere's Riot! Bat shot to the gut, POWERBOMB! I've completely
forgotten I have a camera! Riot trash talks Wendi and shows us the
reason for her vengeful actions on WOWvision-- Wendi giving her the
blowout after Riot was DQ'ed in their last match.
Slam Dunk is out (noooooo)... her opponent, Boom Boom!
Slam Dunk, alas, gets a good crowd reaction, including from my dad.
Bah! She reminds us all she's undefeated. DOUBLE Bah!
Boom Boom still is wrestling in her grass skirt. TRIPLE BAH!
When Boom Boom throws a Dropkick, it's with a capital D. But this
match is treated the same as if Dunk were wrestling Jade, which is a big
disappointment. In one truly barfy spot, Boom Boom goes for a Bodyslam
and CAN'T LIFT DUNK. But Dunk can lift her?!? Slam Dunk might be tall,
but as a monster heel I can only inquire "Where's the Beef?" She's no
Andre. To her credit Boom Boom sells everything like a champ including
jumping up for the "chokeslam", but bleah! Dunk does get her up for the
airplane spin, but again takes an inordinate amount of time to get her
slammed down. She really ought to just fall backwards with it, it would
look *much* better than watching her search for purchase to push them
off to the front.
A new ref is also debuting in this match-- he charmingly gives a count
at one point even though he first stared at Dunk's feet leveraged on the
Need I mention that Dunk won? Bleah. And here's more microphone time
as she demands REAL competition... oh please lord, someone shut her up--
Somebody upstairs hears me... "ROXY!" Hit the music as Miss Powers
appears on the entryway, replete with yummy new costume! Roxy on the
mike, Dunk responding, Roxy with the TALK TO THE HAND! YES!!! Roxy to
the ring, Dunk catching her for the chokeslam! NO!!! Roxy wriggling
out with a legsweep! YES!!! Dunk to the outside! Roxy running her
down: "Hey Slam! Slam? I'm OUT!" and imitation of Slam's mike tossing
dis as she struts to the back. BWAHAHAHA!!! Slam demanding she fight
Roxy at the PPV... David says why not tonight! Do we wanna see it?
YES! YES! KICK DUNK ASS!! DESTROY!!!
Hmm. There was an interesting thread on CRZ's bulletin board (plug,
plug) the other day about how "smart" wrestling fans frothing at the
mouth because of wrestlers they thought were undeserving of a push were
as much if not more involved than Joe Mark who wants to see good win
over evil. In a perverse way Slam Dunk is doing her job perfectly as
her very presence fills me with HATE(tm).
Next out we have a semi-final match for the tag tournament. Bronco
Billie is out with her lasso... now here comes Beckie... with some hick
GUY with her?! I thought we'd seen the last of these country cousins?
Beckie doesn't need any mascots!
Their opponents... CAGED HEAT! Again, a huge reaction from the crowd
as DLP and Loca arrive. This ought to be good... but who's going to
The camera focuses in on Loca taping something to DLP's wrists(?).
Without commentary I have no idea what was up, though.
As I expected, this match moves fast and both teams are giving and
getting some pretty stiff spots in. No Farmer's Roll tonight, and Caged
Heat runs into enough trouble that Loca even does a "time-out" spot
which Beckie blithely answers with a dropkick. BB hits a lightning fast
version of her Bulldog, I think it might have even been out of a
reversal. Caged Heat going for a "Hart Attack" spot but Beckie moves
and Loca clotheslines DLP by mistake! Now Beckie's going up top for the
splash... is Caged Heat going to lose?! I fumble for my camera anyhow,
but look up to see Beckie take a teetering tumble off the turnbuckle.
Jungle Grrrl pushed her off! Beckie down, DLP goes up top for a
somersault legdrop... 1... 2... 3! WOW! Caged Heat goes to the finals,
Beckie keeps her heat and...
Jungle Grrrl takes some time to remind Beckie that was just a taste of
what's in store. A formal challenge for a Splash vs. Splash match at
the PPV! Beckie accepts! Yay, WOW is allowing a feud build up!
Then McLane almost kills all of this goodness by starting to chant
"BECKIE! BECKIE!" on the microphone and tries to get us to join in...
the crowd is slow to pick up, probably at least in part because Beckie
already left. The country cousin grabs the mike and again tries to
elicit a BECKIE! chant, with a bit more success... but without Beckie
herself urging us on, eh. I hope they edit this out, it seemed kind of
The Daughters of Darkness appear through the mist with Goon-- they're
fighting Farah and Paradise (not a Tag Tourney match). F & P
dropkicking DoD out of the ring... then a double dropkick sends Goon
out! Farah has very shiny red bikini bottoms on under those wraps.
Paradise performs some nice armdrags, following them up with an armbar,
and in general the team displays some good synchronicity. I find these
two to be vastly underrated and hope they pick up a "W" or two down the
line... but alas, it won't be tonight as Misery gets the Fisherman
Suplex on Farah for 3.
During the match someone in the stands screamed out "Way to go,
Josie!" Take your pick which one of the four ladies involved is named
Josie. Paradise and Misery were in the ring at the time but who knows?
Paradise *did* get to throw in a parting shot on the DoD, so it wasn't
a total squash.
Riot's out next, and she is living it up tonight! And the crowd loves
every moment. I can't wait for her to destroy her opponent! Who will
it be! It's... wait, Riot's got the mike, she's running down...
Riot is fighting JANE BLOND. My mind reels! My loyalties are tossed
in a stormy sea of contradiction!! AUGH!!!
I'm so upset I *again* forget I have a camera. Eventually I decide to
side with Jane since I have the sign and all, and everyone else is
rooting for Riot already.
All moral quandaries aside (not to mention favorite wrestler biases),
this turns out to be a great match, with the most back and forth action
I've ever seen in a Riot outing. Riot does a dropkick! Jane with the
Fujiwara takedown (Riot gets the ropes)! Riot with the crossface(Jane
gets the ropes!) Jane teases the Kick of Death, Riot slugs her. Riot
with a flipover pin, Jane bridges up out of it... yep, Riot finally had
a pin that failed without her yanking them up. Torture Rack by Riot...
Jane won't give! Jane regains control, going for the KOD again but Riot
swats it aside... POWERBOMB! Three count, no futzing around with a pull
up this time. Jane sells the heck out of the powerbomb and a subsequent
toss to the outside. Riot gets the mike and starts to talk trash, then
suddenly I can't hear her anymore because the crowd starts shouting...
here's why-- Wendi Wheels has run out with a trash can lid! WHAP!
Blowout! Wendi challenging Riot to a hardcore match at the PPV... Riot
(once she recovers) accepts!
McLane takes a moment to hype Riot vs. Terri Gold again, and then lets
us know there will actually be TWO main events tonight. First Terri
fights Riot, and then it's Selina Majors vs. Thug in a Lumberjack match,
with 16 WOW ladies surrounding the ring to keep them contained!
McLane also shills for some new basketball organization called the
A.B.A. which I know nothing of. Ah, it's the L.A. Stars and they'll be
playing at the Forum. Who needs the Lakers anyhow, right? Right?
Another show opening with the Kane surplus pyro. Lana Star is out to
a big pop... she'll be facing Roxy Powers. But first, Lana has
something to say as she displays the bag she's carrying, full of Ice
Cold's clipped hair! Lana claims it has split ends (heh).
Roxy's out and the match gets underway with Roxy doing a nice
Fireman's Carry. But before it gets going too much Ice Cold runs out,
and THAT AIN'T NO HAND MIRROR--- OW!!!!!! HOLEEEEEEEEEEEE
S**T!!!!!!!!!! Anyone complaining about weak looking mirror shots, I
think Ice must've heard you. And Lana just paid all her dues, with
interest! Patti's out to help but she's cut off at the pass by a
trenchcoated person jumping out of the crowd, which of course turns out
to be Poison in disguise. Now they've got Lana's Scissors, and the
arena is going bonkers! Snip, snip, snip, and the goldilocks fly! Refs
are out to break things up before it goes too far, and Lana has to be
carried out. I buy her being unconscious after the shot she took, yes I
do. Ice and Poison posing in triumph, Ice cuts a promo into the camera
I can't hear before they leave.
The ring crew is working overtime tonight to clear debris from the
ring, so I join in on the happy chant of "SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP!"
McLane informs us that we couldn't hear what Ice said, but she's
challenged Lana to a "shaved head" match. Someone's losing it all, eh?
I know the pro-Poison folk will be looking forwards to the possibility
of Sinead O'Star.
TAG TOURNEY. Harley's Angels (w/Thug) are out to fight the Beach
Damn! Standing ovation for the BP! Either that or the roving cameras
focused on every section at once.
A gentleman behind me by the name of Jay Duarte pipes up with the
tidbit that Summer used to work as a stripper at a place called Captain
Cream's. Is this on Ms. Billard's website portfolio?
Speaking of cameras, a guy with a still camera at ringside encourages
the people in front of us to stand up for a picture. They happily
oblige and we behind them happily wish his death as they block all view
of the ring.
Summer & Sandy do a double full-Nelson bomb move, and their double
wishbone legsplitters. My section meanwhile is having fun "interacting"
with Thug, but the lifeguard duo are getting quite the distracting
double wedgie going. Thug once again finishes this the same way as the
first tourney match, with EZ and Charlie holding a victim down for a
ring-quaking Thug Vaderbomb behind the ref's back. 3 count, and it'll
be the HA's vs. Caged Heat at the PPV (which by the way has been
christened "WOW Unleashed!"). I would have preferred Beckie and BB vs.
Caged Heat personally, but of course Beckie has other plans on her
plate. On the other hand, BP wasn't doing anything and their crowd
reaction was dynamite. But the booking's been done-- let's see what
happens, I s'pose.
David had a short interview with the Angels and was scolding them for
cheating. My dad asked why they didn't kick his ass.
Me: "Cuz they're bad guys."
Dad: "Then they *really* should be kicking his ass."
Me: "Look, the quickest way to become a good guy in WOW is to kick
McLane's ass. They can't do it or they won't be bad guys anymore."
Father wilted in the face of my impeccable logic. Or maybe just gave up
and wondered again why he didn't adopt...
I didn't hear any explanation of what happened with Patti and Lana's
run at the titles, but I'm guessing they'll provide some post-production
excuse once it airs on TV. Patti may have legit hurt her arm, she
didn't so much as enter the ring tonight.
Jungle Grrrl is out next, her opponent is Lotus.
JG starts things off with a stiff looking missile dropkick while Lotus
is still posing. Squash-o-rama ensues from there, although Lotus does
sneak in a roundhouse kick / dropkick combo. That's pretty much the
extent of it as JG swats away the next dropkick with her "I don't think
so!" shout to the crowd. Sending her to the ropes for a spinning
sidewalk slam (and I mean *spinning*). Vertical suplex with hangtime,
pumphandle slam... yikes, Lotus' wedgie is getting so narrow as to be
downright naughty! (Down, Dean! Down!) Headbutt off top rope, etc.
The folks that criticize JG for too much no selling aren't gonna be
happy with this match, but honestly she's so good on offense I can't
fault her overmuch. She looks like she's been wrestling for years.
The theme of the night is "Run-In" as Beckie appears to deliver a
*stiff* dropkick to a celebrating JG. They tease going at it right then
and there, but nope, we have to wait for the PPV.
Do I mind all these run-ins? Ask yourself this: wasn't one of the
big complaints floating around that WOW never let its feuds develop?
Nope, I don't mind these run-ins at all.
Beckie smiles so much it's kind of scary when she stops. It's not
easy to pull off an "I'm going to kick your ass" look while wearing
gingham and daisy dukes, but somehow she manages...
Hammerin' Heather Steele is out next, to fight Jacklyn Hyde. The girl
with the big hammer cut-out is back in attendance tonight.
Keeping with the Hammer theme, Steele's first big move is a painful
looking hammerlock takedown on JH. Back and forth action... JH with a
flipover neckwhip, a la Curt Hennig! Man, Hammerin' Heather has quite
the "Tool Chest", if'n ya know what I mean. Of *course* I've noticed
before, I'm just sayin'... Splash by JH just *barely* misses... Jacklyn
Hyde with a Diamond Cutter! 1... 2... Steele with the foot on the
ropes! Jacklyn thinks she's won it, and gets slammed down by Heather as
Josh Milton tries to explain otherwise... 1... 2... 3! HAMMERIN'
HEATHER WINS ONE! STOP THEM PRESSES!
Post-match Jacklyn goes berserk, hopping up on Josh's shoulders and
beating at his head. He flips her off to the front, she lands on her
feet... Diamond Cutter for Josh!! Sarah Bellum manages to pull Jacklyn
out of the ring and calm her.
Pyros are re-set, and McLane welcomes the people from Dreamworks in
the audience tonight. The scouts for the Spider-Man movie? (It's
rumored they're picking six WOW girls to have a role in the film)
New show begins. First match is Poison vs. Jade.
Guy in center section has a green "Nice Ass" sign. Jade's panties are
already riding up in response...
Poison with a nice punch off an Irish Whip, and a much better
looking/sounding kneelift. Jade with her usual repertoire of monkey
flips and headscissors. Wedgie is higher... higher... good God how high
can it go?! Uh oh... Jade goes for her monkey flip move and Poison's
foot looked to have caught on the low rope... she dumps on her head at a
nasty angle. Ref checks and match continues. Support for both Poison
and Jade as they work the crowd between moves. Some enthusiastic
fellows get filmed in the center section, they appear to have W.O.W.
spelled out on their bare chests. Poison takes control and gestures for
us to "kiss it", and the men of the crowd are only to happy to offer to
oblige. Paralyzer delivered, ref counts 3.
Slam Dunk is out to fight Roxy Powers, as set earlier in the night
(will it be the same "night" on TV?). Roxy looks much more focused and
confident, she and SD egg each other on. Things get underway and the
monster heel push continues as Roxy's shoulderblocks BOUNCE OFF! GASP!
But the third time out it's a bodypress and *that* brings down the
Slamster. Roxy with a back heel kick, Slam rolls to the outside and
bitches at McLane as we BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Roxy encourages us to
chant for her and we do! Rock See! Rock See! Dunk holding her ears
and shouting at us like a good old school heel, for this I am
appreciative. Dunk finally rolls back in, and here's Roxy with a "Just
Bring It" hand beckon... ooooo... some mat wrestling gets mixed in
here, even Dunk puts on a hammerlock which I don't think I can remember
her ever doing. Dunk chokes Roxy down, trash talks... Dunk with the one
foot WOW dropkick! (but hey, at least she attempted one). Grabbing
Roxy's hair and trash talking her... Roxy breaks free and knocks her
down! Got her legs... stepping between them... crowd is rumbling
because it looks like it'll be-- yes! SHARPSHOOTER on Dunk!! TAP!
TAP, DAMN YOU!! Dunk gets hold of the ropes! NO! DAMMIT!!! A
surprisingly fast ropes sequence follows with some leapfrogging...
Dunk's got her by the throat, chokeslam! NO!!!! 1... 2... Roxy with
the foot on the ropes! YES!!! But Dunk takes control again, big
splash... dastardly heel pin with feet on ropes for leverage. Josh
doesn't see it! 1... 2... 3!! ARRRRRGH!!!! Roxy up to argue with Josh
but he doesn't believe her. Well, at least it wasn't a clean win on
Dunk's part, or a squash.
My dad is still rooting for Dunk, although most of the arena sided
with me in booing her and cheering Roxy. Despite my seething
unimpressedness so far with Dunk, I must say she gets a reaction, and
this surprised me by actually being a good wrestling match in addition
to the massive crowd heat-- though perhaps Roxy was wrestling for two?
Roxy certainly gets the "Most Improved" reward in my book for all
aspects... she showed some character, she got the crowd going, and that
tentativeness of the last match I saw her in is all gone.
Oh, I think it also helped that Dunk didn't do the airplane spin.
That move's gotta change, or go...
Disciplinarian is out next, and gets some big heel heat as she scolds
us, particularly some kiddies at ringside. "WHAT did I just tell you?
Did you not HEAR me? Sit down... and SHUT UP!" BOOOOO!!! And in our
second black vs. white match up in a row, her opponent is... Caliente!
Huge cheer for Caliente's lack of bra! Yes, I'm sure we love her for
her mind, as well.
Disciplinarian got some real velocity on her shoulderblock this time,
which it definitely needed since TD isn't the biggest of ladies.
Disciplinarian holding Cal's arm and legdropping it! And again!
Backdrop spots still need some work, a lot of them tonight looked like
Sunset Flip attempts gone awry. TD going for the Pedigree, Caliente's
been studying her Triple H though and counters with a double leg
takedown. Can't have a WOW event without at least one slingshot! The
new ref strikes again as he almost counts a pinfall on TD while Cal sets
it up... I guess her shoulders /are/ technically on the mat, but...
hrm. Caliente's flying cross chop ("Hot Tamale") looks odd, I don't
know what would make it look better. Her setup for "La Torcha" again
takes awhile but finally gets Disciplinarian trapped up top, and the
submission soon follows. Post-match TD goes for a ruler shot but
Cally-girl ain't havin' none and kicks her in the nose, then breaks the
ruler over her knee. McLane is up in the ring and it looks like we get
to hear Cal talk for the first time. She speaks of how she will fight
evil and that she wants to be the first Latina "Soooperrrr-womannn..."
(complete with guy-friendly shimmy). Then she asks David to salsa with
her. DAVID MCLANE YOU BASTARD. Not that I would be above booking her
the same way if I were in McLane's place. Fortunately this is short and
at arms' length, otherwise the arena might have erupted in rebellion.
Either in jealousy or because McLane's dancing is on par with his acting
Our first main event is now! Riot facing off against Terri Gold!
Now that I no longer have a conflict of interest I submerge fully into
Riot worship. Much of the arena, well... "riots" along with me. So
much so we again drown out the microphone and will have to wait for TV
to hear what was said.
Danger's music is playing and her logo just appeared. Oh dear.
Neither Terri nor Riot look very happy to see her. McLane probably
isn't either, but it's hard to tell with that cunningly slack expression
of his. Danger ignores the ring and goes to McLane, who again intones
"DANGERRRR... YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED T'BE OUT HERRRRRRE". There was a
poster on the WOW message board who said McLane's voice reminded him of
Don Knotts, and at times I do fancy I agree with him. Danger allows as
how she's suspended, but she's also the number two contender, while the
number one contender is a loser. Riot is out to take exception to that
and they go eye to eye, which makes me realize just how big Danger is.
Trash talk, Riot takes a swing-- Danger ducks, hooks her-- BAM! There
goes table #3! McLane is beside himself.... this was Riot's shot!
There was supposed to be a title match! It doesn't take a genius to see
where this is going, given TG's track record of accepting any challenge
thrown her way (not to mention the announcement of Danger vs. Terri on
the 17th that I mentioned earlier). McLane begs Terri not to do it but
Terri accepts Danger's on the spot challenge. The match is underway and
the broken table is replaced with a fresh one in record time, naive me
thinking it's just so the announcers have a place to sit again.
There's Terri chants and Danger chants, although neither may be loud
enough to show up on TV. Terri actually sends Danger to the outside,
then as Danger climbs back up there's a Chris Jericho style dropkick to
knock her back off! Well, that's not very sporting! Danger's back in,
Terri hits a flying headscissors... Danger's got her for a Danger Drop,
but walks it over to the ropes so that Terri can hold onto them and
counter it. More action, here comes the Perfect Ten (which I guess is
now going to be the top rope moonsault instead of a springboard)...
Danger moves, then locks on a Camel Clutch-- Terri gets a ropebreak.
Danger with a *nice* swinging neckbreaker out of a run off the ropes.
Back and forth with the 2 counts, Terri up again for the moonsault but
takes out Josh the ref! Terri momentarily horrified, allowing Danger to
throw her to the outside. Right by the new table. Ref down. 2 and 2
make... oh wait, Danger picking her up back into the ring. Err, no...
Danger picking her up so they're both on the apron... umm... the apron
near the table...
For the sake of family programming I didn't chant "Holy s**t!" after
this, but I sure as hell wanted to. MY GOD.
Danger rolled Terri back in as Josh started to come around and did the
painfully slow Hebner count. 1........... 2...........
Y'know, even after THAT I still expected Terri to pop a shoulder up at
the last second...
3!! NEW CHAMPION!!!
To her infinite credit Terri sells the bump all the way out. Or is
she even selling? I say again-- MY GOD.
Yes, I know we've seen far worse on ECW and WWF, but-- MY GOD.
Danger picks up the mike and tells McLane he's got a new champion, and
that there's still a table with his name on it. He'll be on the
Highway to Hell soon enough.
This time around the audience is staying in the seats... well, except
for just now when we were all out of them. No one's going home early
that I've noticed. Good sign.
Up next, Main Event #2, the Lumberjack match!
McLane announces that there will only be 15 ladies at ringside, as
Poison has been injured by her match with Jade. Between the scary
headscissors and that monkeyflip gone horribly awry, I don't doubt it.
Hope it isn't too serious.
McLane also announces that there will be a re-match of TG vs. Danger
at the PPV for the title. The match we just saw was booked pretty
cleverly if you think about it... those who love Danger are whooping it
up, those who don't have a "She needed a table to win" clause. I wonder
if there'll be any special stipulations?
Oh dear, McLane also announces that 15 WOW women will be competing in
the first ever WOW swimsuit contest. Bah. David wants us to log onto
wowe.com and tell him who we want to see in swimsuits. My section and I
chant loudly for Thug. Not that I'm against T&A per se, but I hope
those 15 women are also planning on some rasslin' that night. Or that
the winner is decided by who chokes out whom. And don't the Beach
Patrol have a rather home field advantage here?
Righto, anyhow here we are onto the match. First we introduce the
good girl 'jacks (come to think of it, shouldn't this be a "LumberJill"
match?): Beckie, Bronco Billie, Wendi Wheels, Paradise, Farah,
Hammerin' Heather Steele, Roxy Powers, Tanja, and Jane Blond -- who was
rooting for Selina during the match, so I guess she's still counted as
being on the Lightside of the Force. Now the bad: Jungle Grrrl, Ice
Cold, EZ Rider, and Charlie Davidson. Thug out with EZ and Charlie,
then Selina is out with a trash can lid which she delivers smartly to
the back of Thug's head. Then follows up with a drop toehold onto the
same lid. Erm, hmm... aren't the bad girls a bit under represented,
here? I'm only counting 13 ladies...
Thug keeps trying to escape the ring, only to have the good girls roll
her back in. Selina goes out and the naughty ladies kick at her but she
fights them off... BIG hit to Ice Cold. Selina is good at those chops,
they go off like gunshots. Selina back in, and now Caged Heat's music
is playing? They appear after a little bit and start down the ramp--
were they late? None of the other Lumberjills got their theme played...
ah am most confoozed. Selina takes Thug and herself over the ropes with
a Cactus Jack clothesline! Landing at ringside and brawling across the
(third new) announce table as the faces and heels gather, apparently
forgetting that they're supposed to prevent this leaving of the ring....
hilarious camera shot of McLane sprawled on his ass at ringside, still
with his headset on and talking. That's probably going to be even
funnier when I hear what he's saying. Brawling into the crowd now,
something impressive happens that I can't see... now Ice Cold appears to
be holding Thug back... huh? Now Selina recovers and delivers a
chairshot... NOW they go back in the ring. Lid shot off the turnbuckle
by Selina, Thug staggering... another lid shot and Thug goes down.
Selina covers, 1... 2... Thug gets the shoulder up!! Toughest woman
Thug is gnawing on Terri Gold's forehead and my dad keeps shouting
"Bite her face again!" after this occurs. And here I warned him *I*
might do embarrassing things...
Hey, where'd Caged Heat go? Maybe that was a mistake after all, but
if you added them it'd even up the bad girl count sans Poison. They'll
need to do some Houdini-level editing to cover this one...
Selina goes for the stunner but accidentally gets Josh instead. Then
Thug tosses Josh so he can do his suicidal dive over the top rope, and
I'm almost *sure* he came down on the ringside barrier at the angle he
was flying. Man is gonna KILL himself! With the ref out of the way EZ
and Charlie storm the ring to help out, meanwhile the other 'jills are
shoving and shouting on the outside... and what's cool about this is
they STAY IN THEIR FEUDS. Wendi and Ice Cold are going at it while
Beckie and Jungle Grrrl are also exchanging some pretty stiff shoves.
Selina is being tripleteamed in the ring, and NOW here's Caged Heat's
music again as they come down to the ring and... SAVE SELINA?!?
Part of my brain slaps the rest of my brain to remind me that Caged
Heat is facing off against EZ and Charlie in the finals, and the HA's
have been running their mouths on Caged Heat on at least two occasions.
Selina getting saved is just an accident, which is backed up since CH
ignore Thug and Selina and throw the HA's outside to keep brawling.
Meanwhile Thug and Selina are out of the ring again while the Jills are
distracted with each other and brawling up into the crowd again... I
CAN'T SEE!!! So instead I watch Caged Heat and the Angels brawl on the
entranceway... which includes some shots on the steel, yowtch!
I finally spot the main contenders waaay up in the Loge section...
looks like the Jills have caught up as well. I STILL can't see much...
did someone take a spill down the stairs? A minute more and the bell
rings... and BOOOOS ring out. What? Huh?!
Ah, McLane is announcing that the match has been declared no contest
due to getting out of hand. I guess I'm gonna have to wait for TV to
see this one. McLane says there's apparently only one way these two
ladies are going to be contained... and that's to put them in the
confines of a 15 foot high Steel Cage! Live on Pay-Per-View!
So if I think back, we have confirmed:
Steel Cage Match - Selina Majors vs. Thug
McLane touts that PPV tickets go on sale "tomorrow" from Ticketmaster,
but all I see there as of tonight are tickets for the Jan. 20th taping.
WOW Title match - Danger vs. Terri Gold
Hardcore match - Wendi Wheels vs. Riot
Tag Titles match - Caged Heat vs. Harley's Angels
Hair vs. Hair match - Lana Star vs. Ice Cold
And a 15 woman swimsuit contest.
This was the last taping of matches that are going to air prior to the
PPV, so any matches happening on the 20th will need to be set in a post
PPV timeframe. And since the PPV is live *after* that taping, that
means I'm pretty interested in how they're going to work any appearance
of Ice Cold or Lana. Or what else might be given away. They can't just
not include the people in the PPV, or that's weeks of no appearances of
some of their most popular ladies. I for one am glad I'm not saddled
with figuring this smoke and mirrors act out...
The crowd outside for merchandise and autographs was substantially
larger than last time. At some point while I was in the autograph line
murmurs came through the crowd that Rob Van Dam was in attendance. Now
I looked down the hall where people were pointing, and I did see some
tall, tanned guy with a ponytail get let into the backstage area. But
it was so far away I can't come near to confirming it... even if I'd
taken a picture it probably would have ended up with "Sasquatch" quality
as far as proof. Cool to think he might have dropped by, though!
Now, so why did I say I'm the luckiest man alive? Well, since the 17th
I'd actually been in some semi-regular email contact with Roxy Powers
and Jane Blond. One amongst many I'm sure, but I was hoping for a
chance to say hi. Roxy turned out to be one of the four signing
autographs, so that was easy (Beckie, Sandy, and Caliente were the other
three). We chatted a bit, and since Sandy was right there curiosity got
the better of me and I asked if she was really dating David Boreanaz.
Apparently Ms. Sheffield was unaware of how long this gossip has been
out and about-- she confirmed it, but she seemed pretty shocked I would
have heard of anything. Ah think ah may have scared the po' girl...
fortunately security didn't pepper spray me or anything. See? Lucky!
Okay, actually the really lucky part was me traipsing down to the Forum
Club afterwards, where I've been told in the past the wrestlers
sometimes go to drink and hang out. Blond seemed to be a social sort,
so I figured I might as well see if I could get in the door on the
offchance she'd be there-- and the old man had already left, so no
worries about him. Just as I enter the hallway to the Club from the
outside, Miss Blond walks into the same hallway from the inside. So I
get to introduce myself and chat at length, without a lick of security
hovering nearby (I *behaved* myself nonetheless, thank you very much).
Turns out the Club was hosting some sort of church function so no drinks
that night, but hey, how can you beat that timing? Booyah!
Only later on the drive home did I think, "I forgot to get a
Still lucky, though.
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