WWF in Orlando
|Guest columnist: The Bug|
TD Waterhouse Centre
i have no idea what the wrestleline deal was, but i will say that over the past few years your recaps have been solid. while i have from time to time, avoided the shows themselves, I have NEVER missed a crz recap. Nobody has maintained the level of consistency and dedication to their craft as you.
Whatever their reasonings, I find it really madenning to know that they made a conscious decision to remove your content from the w-line. Crazy. Other than SK, nobody on that site recaps anything worth a shit.
Okay, so I'm ready to go to smackdown when our vip tickets showed up, and I ended up having an extra ticket. I ended up bringing my friend Carlos, who works as Livewire here in florida. He's one of the guys I went to puerto rico with to work for WWC.
Anyways, I met him outside and we went to our seats and immediately procured two beers (each) and sat down to enjoy the show. We were waiting on our call back from another indy wrestler, one of the best in Florida, Frankie Capone, who had our vip passes.
Vito DeNucci vs Jungle Jim Steele
First match was Vito DeNucci (1/2 of the NWA World Tag Team Champions, the New Heavenly Bodies) a good friend of mine and a really great guy. he took on Jim Steele. Steele did some jackass stuff strutting around like Razor Ramon, which was really annoying. Vito got in some good spots, including the best kneedrop in the business, (his partner Cassanova Chris Nelson, would probably beat me up for saying that) and a great top rope missle dropkick, before falling victim to Steele's flying shoulderblock. Steele is a fine physical specimen but he is very rough. He is extremely agile though.
Scoot Andrews vs Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels
These two have worked each other four times or so, over the past year, and they really clicked the other night at IPW's Wrestleplex. They worked in a cage with Daniels falling to a rock bottom from the top as Scoot held onto his IPW Heavyweight Championship.
In this match they hit alot of the spots I've seen them do, both here and from my brothers tape of their APW contest. Scoot has one of the best dropkicks I've ever seen, and he lit up daniels with it after daniels did his signiture running moonsault off the middle rope, where he lands on his feet. A solid contest, one of the best of the evenings, as hometown star Scoot Andrews finished off Daniels with a sky-high flapjack. Crowd didn't give the match that much respect, and a few jackasses sitting behind me were pretty loose with the N word. Scoot is without a doubt on his way up, as well as Daniels, and just because they don't have a big retarded rollin rollin rollin entrance and a please-dont-zoom-in-on-her-face-and-kill-my-buzz wife to ogle at....ah, I loved the match.
APA vs The Hollys (w/o Molly)
They started Heat up next, and I started to feel my bladder swell up, but I kept on since APA is one of my favorites, Pretty solid match here, as APA took the nod when Crash took a pretty lackluster bump off of Bradshaw's Clothesline from Hell. Great pop for APA on the entrance and the 1-2-3.
Haku vs Raven
King Tonga is huge. His afro is frightening. Raven got the ddt to get the nod, much to Carlos and my chagrin. We are Haku Marks of the Highest Order. I still don't get how they keep saying his head is hard, then make him go under after a)bumping his head on a missed splash, and b) taking a ddt. He should do the wide-eyed crazy look after taking a head bump, and then do some into the turnbuckle head smashes and them go all whippty-shit on Raven, that's all I'm saying.
Our Lord and Personal Saviour Steve Blackman vs K-Kwik
K-Kwik came out getting rowdy and whatnot, and then did some heelish ring-work against blackman including a slap and some rope choking action. Not much of note, except some matwork and some martial art fast action moves by Blackman after a sweet side kick. Oh yeah and he did a bow and arrow. Blackman finished him off with a swank superkick, that missed kwik's head but still looked great.
Except for the missing his head part because kwik ducked.
(but looked great*)
*except k-kwick moved his head early.
Carlos and I were at the burst point, so we decided to go to the ladies room before they redid the smackdown ring, and on the way up the stairs I tripped and caught myself but not before splashing icehouse all over my face. That was cool.
Buck Quartermaine vs Billy Fives
Buck has a great headlock. Fives over Buck Q with what looked like a inverted doctor bomb. I am not sure. Then Lillian Garcia came out, and I told Carlos she was gross, because as you know, I am not into white girls, then he said DUDE SHES PUERTO RICAN---GARCIA, YOU KNOW? so then I said oh, then she's hot. (which she is)
Then some guy with a replica belt told us he saw us work for SCW a month ago, so, I was embarassed because I wear a mask, and he can't possibly have recognized me, unless my gut gave me away. ha ha.
Huge Promo by Angle, where he verbally berates Orlando, by dropping the S-word, a no-no in the TD Waterhouse Center, where we hate Baby Huey with serious intensity, and then went on to say that The KOTR was the big kids table, and that E&C didn't belong in the same league as him. Angle also made some sort of "playing with boys" reference that got alot of guffaws from the crowd.
Out came Edge and Christian blah blah blah, then Rhyno and Rhyno cut a grizzly promo saying stuff like Edge and Christian don't NEED Angle, they don't WANT Angle, then he says that if Edge and Christian don't take out Angle, HE would. They also continued to tease the E/C dissention where Edge said that *IF* Christian doesn't beat Angle, He (edge) would beat him in the finals. This irked Christian and ended up causing the two to verbally spar, before Rhyno turned his attention away from Angle and speared Edge, while Angle delivered the Right Angle.
Okay, they don't call it that, but they should. The Right Angle. say it a few times...
Some sort of outside the center video of UT and his wife Sara, waiting for DDP, then we went to piss again, and came back just as...
Spike vs The Big Show
Show tossed Spike around like a ragdoll, including dumping him over the top rope twice, once from a full press slam, and also hitting a nice elbow on the littlest dudley. Just when things looked over, Show picked up Spike and ended up taking an acid drop which brought out Bubba Ray and D-Von who hit a 3-d before Show picked up Spike and hit a less than impressive running(jumping) chokeslam. How this helps Show, I don't know...because if you have to have the dudley boys interfere in a match in which you are 2 feet taller than your opponent, something's up. There goes that amazing heat that big show was building up, not really.
Back to the smackdownvision, or whatever they call that monitor thing with the videos, which btw, kept being shifted or skewed...it was off center most of the night. Limo drives up, and for some reason UT runs at it like DDP is in it, but realistically why would ddp have a limo, he doesn't officially work for wwf, or whatever, anyways it's vince, and he says he will make sure that ddp stays out of the building at all costs.
UT says uh-uh, he wants DDP, so let him in, and let him get his hands on him..or something.
Some stupid lady has a Giant H sign. It is tinfoil. One H. One.
Not H3 or HHH or H with two friends too tired to stand up. Just a lonely H. (Maybe she saw "K2?" ;-) - CRZ)
Hardy Boyz & Kane vs X-Factor
The pop for kane is deafening. I had no idea how over Kane is....unreal. I also noticed a huge amount of energy and effort put forth by Big Glenn. I have a newfound respect for him after this match....Big finish, as X-factor and Hardy Boyz fight on the outside before X-pac took a chokeslam followed by a Swanton bomb for the 1-2-3.
Another vignette and this one is Regal and Tajiri as Kaientai come in and call out for a LH championship (I think) and instead get Regal to committ to a match between Taka and Tajiri. Tajiri jumps up on the desk like a spider and spooks me out. (taka too)
Vince and Stone Cold talk about something or other, we were getting beers, but some funny stuff when Stone Cold gives Vince his old hunting bow, with which he racked 10 kills with. He gave him the hat off his head, and even put it on Vince, who was freaking out, and not really sure what to make of the situation. Debra gives Vince some cookies, and Steve asks how they are, as Vince tastes one.....he's having a lot of trouble keeping the cookie down, and he says they're great, in spite of having puckerface. Steve says he can't stand them and that she uses way too much sugar, and says he can have all the cookies.
Vince does not look too excited about the prospect of this. I think if they showed zoomed up shots of steve and debra smiling alot, it would be completely messed up and creepy.
Ryno & Angle vs Edge/Christian
Miscommunication spot with E/C causes two gores and a victory for Rhyno/Angle. Angle stayed in the ring as out came a black-clad Shane-O-Mac to deliver a caning upside Angle's head and back before being chased out of the arena by security.
By this point Frankie came over with our VIP passes and we went down to the ringside camera area to enjoy the action up close and personal.
Vignette time again, as SCSA delivered vince a autographed photo of themselves at wrestlemania that he had at his house. Vince says he has just the place for it. Steve is smiling and says that Vince is a great friend. Then he starts trying to get Vince to sing "that dionne warwick classic" That's what friends are for.. "keep smiling..."
I'm sold on the SCSA turn. This stuff is great.
Video screen shows a graphic of Dudley's taking on Benoit/Jericho and they get an interview saying they will get their titles back, and Bubba Ray goes "D-von, let's get the titles" which was clever.
Then shattered Glass as Austin marches right down (mixed reaction, but heelish overtones) as he just rips apart Michael Cole as Paul E scrambled away...A huge club to the head before he slaps him retarded...rips his shirt to shreds. Cole needs to eat something.
Then some cameraman or security guy was helping Cole up and Austin did a 180 and ran back down and beat that guy silly...fucking brilliant stuff. He looked so nutted up. We were like "take it down a CC or two Stone Cold!"
Cole does the stretcher job, and everyone gave him a hearty golf clap. Out came JR to a huge pop, and he and Paul E started talking about something on the screen that wasn't picked up by the house mikes.
Regal's office with Perry Saturn telling Regal that Dogs help save the ozone by eating applesauce. over and over..then it went something like this
Regal: no, your friend Test says that they eat kumquats (or something) to save the ozone
Saturn: NO (shakes head adamatly) NO NO NO Dogs eat applesauce...
Regal: well Test says...
Saturn: No, Dogs eat applesauce to save the ozone.
Regal: well you'll be fighting him for the hardcore title tonight
Saturn: Thank you
Regal: You're welcome
Saturn: thank you you're welcome
Test vs Saturn
Herky jerky match..they didn't seem to click, for whatever reason. Saturn did get a wicked mophandle shot that flung half the stick 20 rows deep. After some interference by Terri it looked to be over after a Saturn superkick, which Test kicked out of, and with a cane in Saturn's hand, Test kicked it straight into his face for the 1-2-3. Newsflash guys, laying down a flat stopsign and doing a powerbomb or whatever onto the flat mat does nothing to make me think you're hurt more because of the superthin sign, sorry.
Saturn left with Pepe, I mean a mop, after the match as Terri comforted him.
two more beers!
Taker came out and did a promo with wife, calling ddp talentless, burying him, his roots (wcw) and saying that wwf rings were too good for a talentless guy like ddp. Weird to bury him, to be honest....and promised to give ddp the worst ass-kicking of his life. Then DDP pops up on the monitor and is at UT's house, filming. I think this is highly illegal, and also very strange, because he says that UT's dogs are sleeping and films the pool. That's really very bossman of you DDP.
He then goes all cheescake on UT's bed calling it the playroom, and is on all fours which is really gay. I don't think it's his bed though, because it's really short and there's no whips and chains. I wish the stalker was Mideon.
Tajiri vs Taka
Sweet match, and there was no pop as taka his the Asai to the floor about 20 feet back from the ring apron onto Tajiri. Wake up people. This match was very snug, and Taka got a great pop as they called for ending all racial stereotypes in the wwf...good stuff (indeed). I love when they keep talking and throw a laugh in after Taka has put down the microphone, because he scrambles to grab it back from Funaki. Tajiri hits the signature spots. Finish comes with Funaki getting dumped to the floor (surprise) and taka taking a few stiff kicks before taking a HUGE super-special-asian-kick to the face for the 1-2-3. Face pops continue for Tajiri. A slight ECW chant got started which Paul E dutifully acknowledged.
Dudley Boyz vs Jericho/Benoit
Dudley's came out and whipped some ass....Jericho/Benoit were spectacular..and we just sat and marked out for this match. A couple false finishes took place, and D-Von ended up taking a backdrop from the announcers table through a table. Bubba ended up with the timekeepers bell and went to smash benoit in the face with it, but benoit reversed it into the crippler crossface. With hebner out, he just kept holding onto it, and out came SCSA with the championship belt to smash benoit in the face and make a quick exit.
Hebner delivers the super slow 1-2-3 for the title change. We left before anything else happened.
Then I went home and had sex with my girlfriend for approximately 1 hour and 40 minutes.
At no time did I wear my wrestling gear during such activities.