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WWF in Montreal


Guest columnist: Llakor


Dear CRZ:

When you made the comment in your RAW recap that your e-mail traffic had gone down markedly, I KNEW that comment was directed directly at moi, and you are of course absolutely correct, I have been neglecting you shamefully. Sadly, I can offer no better excuse than having gone from having no job having left a job that I hated back in May (or rather a job I didn't mind with a Boss that I hated with a passion that exceeds my hatred even for the Orange Goblin.) where was I? oh yeah, having gone from no job to two jobs thus turning me from unemployed to overemployed in one fell swoop. Oddly this roughly coincided with Brewguy losing his job, thus causing me to wonder if there is some weird Conservation of Jobs thing going on. Now if I really believed that me dropping one of my two jobs would get Brewguy back on the payroll, I would, in a second, no, actually. nevermind, I just remembered that I'm a selfish prick.

So, since I know that you live to be bored to tears by the details of my family life, I should tell you that I spent Thanksgiving with my parents and my sister and her two kids. My two-year old nephew Ryan is still the happy adreneline junkie. Feed the horse? Sure stick your hand right down his throat. Ride a horse? Hey if Davy Crockett could kill a bear when he was only three, I can ride when I'm only two! Kid's a freaking narcoleptic though. One second I'm careening down a hill with him in a carriage at some small but still significant fraction of the speed of light, and he's all Jacob Two-Two, "Faster! Faster! Down the hill! Down the hill!" The next second he's asleep. Apparently this is some secret uncle super power that I have because noone else can get the kid to sleep. But do I receive gratitude and praise for my efforts? Hell No! "Thank You for getting him to nap, but he's asleep while kneeling, his knuckles have a death-grip on the carriage and his hair looks like you took him through a wind-tunnel. What the hell did you do?" Really, I mean, if they wanted him asleep in a PRONE position, they should have specified.

Meanwhile my four-year old niece Meaghan, who previous to Thanksgiving only acknowledged my existence by torturing sock puppets attached to my hand, Meaghan has now decided that I am one of her favourite people on the planet. And she's a little clingy, like a spider-monkey clingy, like a lobster clingy, like a Taijiri Tarantula clingy. My sister thinks that it's hilarious that I used to spend an entire weekend stalking my niece to get her to acknowledge my existence and that I now spend an entire weekend trying to avoid her as she stalks me. Especially bad is her favourite form of affection the running head butt which left me seeing stars, planets, moons, four leaf clovers is that a Leprechaun, why am I on the floor, why can't I feel my legs? I swear CRZ if this girl gets any more affectionate I'm putting myself in Witness Protection.

I'm sorry, what was that? Smackdown was in Montreal, I live in Montreal, did I go? Wherever did you get that idea? The title of the e-mail is Smackdown Spoilers? Well so it is... I guess I had better start spoiling...

So to be a whiny bitch for a second, this was originally supposed to be a house show. The advertised main event was Jericho vs. Austin in a steel cage. I wasn't exactly rushing to buy tickets. Then they postponed the show, turned it into Smackdown! and raised the prices while still honouring the tickets already sold. D'oh! I was only able to get tickets in the white section. In the Molson Centre, the lowest seats are deep red and are essentially family heirlooms passed from one generation to the next, the reds are the rest of the lower level, the second level is the Air Canada level (i.e. not for peons) & the upper level is divided into white at the bottom, grey in the middle and blue at the very nosebleed top. So bottom of the third level. At the door scalpers were selling floor seats for $100-$150 (original price $80) and red seats for $70 (original price $50). I talked a scalper into selling me tickets for the reds at $50 each with me throwing him back the tickets to the whites that I paid $40 each for. That would all be in the funny colored money that we use up here that's worth... less.

I went in at seven and good god my scalper was honest and gave me seats about ten levels up from the floor diagonally facing the ring post. (From the Smackdown fist, I was directly diagonally to the left of the far left ring post.) So bad seats to get signs on TV if I had brought any, but didn't because of that whole two jobs thing and I thought I was going to be in the upper deck thing. (Sigh... If only... I would have loved to get a "CRZ est BON" sign on TV or a "HARDYZ Cheat 2 Win" sign on.) But great seats to actually WATCH wrestling.

At 7:30, Ray Rougeau came out to a pretty good ovation (half-standing ovation). Sadly he has shaved off that wonderful porn-star moustache that he used to have, but he still got the crowd pumped up. He announced in French & English, but was the only announcer all night to do so. As we waited for the wrestling to start I wondered if any heels would mention the Expos (who sucked this year) or the Canadians who astonishingly haven't started to suck yet. If a heel really wanted to get himself over, attacking Saku Koivu who is out for the season with stoumach cancer would have worked like gang-busters. Ironic that a guy who used to be unfairly maligned for lacking intestinal fortitude in the local papers needed to get stoumach cancer to prove how much guts he really had.

Not getting Smackdown in this area, I hadn't seen the new set yet. (Although Kate4ez just sent me the post-attack Smackdown, so as soon as I get a chance to breathe I'll be able to see it that way. And something is coming back I swear, as soon as I get a day off.) This may be awfully old school of me but isn't a clenched fist illegal in Wrestling? I'm just saying, it's odd that your symbol is something that Frank Gotch never used, Strangler Lewis never stooped to, and Lou Thesz never needed. The other odd thing was the circus ladders and the men climbing all over the set while Ray Rougeau was trying to distract us. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. While we were waiting for the rassling to start the crowd amused itself by starting five seperate RVD chants. I think he's over.

I have no idea what were dark matches, what were Jakked matches and what were Heat matches.
I am not a CRZ level recapper & I didn't have a rewind button. I was timing matches in the dark with a sweep second hand. & I can't read my notes. & I don't recap punches, just sprinkle tons in at random. & I am writing this sleep deprived and all cranky and stuff. All of that said, this is what I saw:

7:35 Tommy Dreamer vs. Albert
Collar & Elbow tie-up? Tommy what were you thinking? Sidewalk Slam by Albert gets a one count. Albert goes to the second rope, misses a splash. Tommy hits a chop block & works the leg over in the corner off the post. Unfortunately, Albert lacks the brain cells necessary to remember an injury long enough to actually sell it for the duration of a match so when Tommy goes for a Suplex, Albert counters it into an under hook power-bomb thingie. Albert misses a leg drop, Tommy hits a chop block. Albert gets up boots Tommy in the face (with the bad leg I think?) gets two. Tommy does a sweet buckle running DDT that gets 2.9. Baldobomb. Tommy dead 1-2-3. (4:30?) Tommy sells his back all the way up the ramp.

7:42 Chuck Palumbo vs. Funaki
Chuck's titantron sure shows off that Jungle-kick. Funaki hits his standing scissor hold takedown thing but misses a dropkick. Palumbo starts messing Funaki up but Funaki kicks him in the face to get a one count kicked out with Authority as Funaki goes flying. Suplex, drags Funaki out of the ring, rag dolls him into the side of the ring, not enough, running rag doll into the ring post, Funaki is broken in half. Chuck rolls the pieces back into the ring and gets a two-count. Throws him into the corner, Suplex, mudhole, stomp dry. Funaki rallys and Chuck takes his head off with a clothesline and gets two. Chuck puts him into a surfboard? and Funaki does a Hogan rally so Chuck picks him up and does a vicious running power-bomb thing to him. Chuck gets two off a Cross Body Block. Funaki gets an enziguri in and a running DDT but when he goes to take advantage, Chuck hits the Jungle Kick and Funaki goes down and stays down. (6:00?) There had been scattered Funaki chants throughout, but a big one broke out when Funaki was limping off, so he turned and bowed to us. Tres Cool.

7:50 RVD chants brings out... Jonathan Coachman & Michael Hayes
Kanyon & Hugh Morris vs. APA. Huge Big Time ovation for the APA. There's a dispute over who will start and the Alliance are being whiny bitches about it. Eventually Farooq and Hugh Morris start. Hugh tries to ambush Farooq and fails miserably. Farooq saves his best move a nasty Suplex for Kanyon sneaking in. Tag in Bradshaw. (BIG APA Chant) Neckbreaker gets two. Two drop elbows in a row gets two. Hugh rallys hits a clothesline and a nasty vertical suplex. Tag in Kanyon. DDT in the corner, Kanyon puts his head down and Bradshaw takes advantage eventually dropping Kanyon on his head which gets two. Kanyon gets a dropkick in, then Bradshaw takes him to the second rope and hits his fallaway slam. Hugh & Farooq tagged in. Kanyon cheats, but Hugh misses his top-rope elbow. Farooq eventually chases Hugh outside of the ring and Bradshaw hits the Clothesline from Heck to win. I'm pretty sure neither men were legal, which isn't half as upsetting as Kanyon jobbing when Hugh Morris is RIGHT THERE!! (6:00?) Afterwards Hugh Morris jaws with fans at ringside.

The ring announcer pimps the Rock Layeth the Smack Down in Montreal T-Shirts (Big POP) & Lita posters (Bigger POP) Big Rock chant. Smaller Hogan chant just below me. I manfully restrain myself from mass murder.

8:02 Crash vs X-Pac
X-Pac is milking the chants. Amateur wrestling slaps by X-Pac. Standing scissor-hold take down thingy by Crash. Cross-body from top by Crash gets two. Kick by Crash gets two. Broncobuster. When X-Pac poses afterwards, Crash pushes him off. Sweeet Drop Kick by Crash from the top gets two. Standing frankensteiner by Crash gets two. Crash goes for the ten-punch gets to about eight before X-Pac decides that Montreal fans shouldn't be forced to count that high and hits the X-Factor for the win. (4:00?)

8:09 Rhyno vs. Billy Gunn
Inexplicably big pop for Billy Goat. Collar & Elbow tie-up won by Billy and he starts wringing the arm. They run the ropes and Billy tries a shoulderblock on Rhyno which fails utterly. They start playing the arm-wring and switch game to some Boring chants (Philistines!) Arm drag take down and a drop-kick gets two for Billy. Billy goes for a Stinger Splash nothing but post. Gore meets Clothesline. Billy is up first but misses a Fame-Asser which leads directly to a Spine-Buster for two. Rhyno does this cool submission type move that resembles a Test of Strength only he's standing and Billy is on the ground. This gets two two counts. Rhyno catapults Billy & misses the post. Billy goes to the top leaps & GORE! (6:00?)

The guys in front of me ask me if I'm taking notes for a web-site. Yep. Which one? CRZ Do you get paid? I start laughing. (Cheque's in the mail. - CRZ)

8:18 Steven Richards vs. Scotty Y2K is calling your 15 minutes are up
Clap-A-Long Hotty. Scotty skins the cat and Richards goes out trying to get him. Scotty misses a baseball slide. Steven hits a neck-buster thing and then picks up Scotty in a sidewalk slam, carries him around the ring, makes a phone call, balances his cheque-book before landing the slam and gets 1.5. Suplex gets 2. Sunset Flip by Scotty gets two. Nasty Sidekick by Steven leads to a tencount and kills the boring chants dead. Steviekick gets two. Steven goes apeshit, rips his shirt off. Why taking his clothing off should influence the ref I have no idea. Scotty takes advantage to hit a schoolboy for two. Worm. Pause for cheers. Hit another dropped elbow for the pin. (5:00?)

The ring announcer pimps magazines Stone Cold Steve Austin is on the cover (Big Big POP), Hardyz are on the cover of Extreme (Big POP). People's Elbow pad, Brahma Bull Necklace (Big POP)

8:25 Change the ropes. Lillian Garcia comes out to a Surprisingly Big POP. She stumbles over the first bit of Oh Canada (the french bit) but hits her stride when she switches to English. She doesn't sing Star-Spangled Banner.

8:28 Michael Cole. Big POP.

8:29 Paul E. Heyman, BIG BIG POP. He keeps stopping as though he's going to jaw with fans, then does this I can't be bothered thing and moves on.

8:30 BY GAWD JIM ROSS! Monster POP! "It's been too long since we did Television in Montreal... Tonight you'll show North America that Montreal knows how to make the noise and raise some hell." I'm not sure that I would have reminded people how long it's been since TV was here since that would tend to remind us WHY it's been so long, but it was still cool to see JR.

They show the conclusion to RAW. Taker is booed?!

8:46 Smackdown taping starts. Y2J. Big Monster POP!
"I've heard people say that Y2J is a choke artist" (Booo)
"I've heard people say that Y2J doesn't win when it's on the line" (Booo)
"I've heard people say that Y2J can't win the BIG ONE" (Booo)
"I've been in the WWF for two years and I've never officially won the WWF title. I was in the WCW for longer than that and I never even had a title shot..."
"To all those people who say that I can't win the Big One, you can Kiss My Ass because Rock...
8:50 Stephanie comes out (black mini-skirt, black boots, long sleeve sheer brown paisley type top, hair low on the slut factor.) Then she start talking. Total paralysis sets in. Unfortunately, I am unable to lose consciousness.
"...If Rock were here, he would thank me publicly for my support."
8:52 (I think my watch is lying, I'm sure she was talking for two hours not two minutes) Rock "Finally yada yada Montreal. Stephanie, I must say you're looking gigantic."
"Don't take your frustrations out on me Rock. Take them out on Y2J."
Reference RAW. Replay first Y2J entrance. "Chris Jericho has always been jealous of you. Chris Jericho will screw you."
"The Rock appreciates your concern and if anyone knows anything about screwing, it's you."
"I think you should support me Stephanie because you can't spell Jericho without the letters H-O"
"The Rock wants your support. The Rock needs your support. And if the Rock gets half the support that your getting from that push-up bra..."
When Y2J starts referring to Steph's "Big Floppy, Funny Fun-Bags" Steph leaves in a huff. (And they said that that course in Sexual Harrassment would never come in handy!) "Thanks for the mammaries Steph!"
"... Y2J the Rock asked you to stay out of the Rock's way. Once Again, as always, you FAILED."
"I wasn't getting in your way, I was saving your title."
"Saving my title? On Monday, I was saving your ass."
"On Sunday, you had better worry about saving your own ass."
"Is the Rock in danger? Is the Rock in jeapordy? There's a reason that you can't win the BIG ONE Y2J and that's that you're not that good."
Y2J starts his Never catchphrase and the Rock finishes it so Y2J to HUGE cheers puts his hand in Rock's face in the universal symbol of "talk to the hand". Rock takes his sunglasses off and eventually sidesteps the hand so Y2J puts the hand back up only this time he is making the universal "Just Bring It" symbol. ROCKBOTTOM!

9:00 Backstage the Alliance has organized an RVD party only RVD hasn't arrived yet. By hitting the 5* Frog Splash on Angle, RVD proved that he is on the side of SCSA and the Alliance. Tazz is a shit disturber and points out that RVD has pinned Angle with the 5* and doesn't need to pin Stone Cold to win the title. Tazz gets kicked out of the party.
A limo is shown lurking in the back.

9:05 Hurricane/Molly/Lance w/Ivory (Truth & Justice) vs Hardyz /Lita (Cheat to Win)
I was paying real close attention to this match so my notes are a little sketchy. (Ivory was looking Fine thanks for asking)
Jeff & Lance start.
Matt & Lance - Hurricane cheats (1 TJ)
Hurricane hits a pose suplex, misses a pose leg-drop. Molly cheats (2 TJ)
We want Lita chant. Jeff cheats (1 CtW), Lance cheats (3 TJ), Lance is taken out by Jeff.
Lita & Molly - Lance & Hurricane cheat (4 & 5 TJ), Jeff & Matt cheat & hit a 3 on 2 suplex (2 & 3 CtW).
Jeff & Hurricane - Ivory cheats! (6 TJ) Hurricane gets the pin with a pose elbow drop. (6:00)
Truth & Justice are victorious! But as they head up the ramp, we see the APA stealing the Hurri-cycle and promising to drag it into every den of ill-repute between Montreal & No Mercy.
Can motorcycles be corrupted by nekkid women? Can motorcycles be corrupted?

Backstage SCSA announces that he has Kurt Angle's number and that he can beat him anytime that he wants to. Steph bursts in to announce that Regal who is RIGHT THERE has an announcement. Regal announces that Christian who is RIGHT THERE has joined the Alliance. Apparently noone in the Alliance other than Stone Cold can speak unless someone else reminds them that they have something to say.
"At last I'm part of a group where Champions are treated with the respect they deserve"
"... Someday Christian you could have a party just like this one." (What a party in your honour that you don't even get to attend?)
"I can't wait."
The limo is still lurking in the back.

9:15 No mercy ad. Enterprise ad.

9:20 Tazz vs Maven w/Nidia
Tazz hits a big-ass back body drop.
Behind me "Tazz pick on somebody your own size!" (Huh? What someone shorter?)
Maven rallys, Tazz hits a clothesline, crowd starts "Let's go Maven" chant Suplex, Vicious Suplex, Bad-Ass Suplex with spiky bits gets a two count broken up by Nidia cheating. Tazz is so shocked, shocked I say! by this blatant disregard for the rules that his breath is completely taken away. Maven takes advantage of Tazz blowing up to hit a schoolboy roll-up for the win. (3:00?)

Backstage RVD gets out of the Limo.

WWF live ad.

9:27 Mick Foley. Big Ass Monster POP. w/Lillian Garcia.
"I have a Master in Psychology you know."
"You do?"
"No, but I stayed at a Holiday Express last night." Cue Cheap Pop.
Foley puts Y2J and Rock together in a tag team references Royal Rumble 99 and the Rock n Sock Connection. Forces Dudleyz to defend tag titles against Big Show & Taijiri at No Mercy. Bangs Hand for "And that is Final!" Whines about needing his gavel back.

9:29 Backstage TNT leaves the party just before RVD arrives. Stasiak? has been eating Debra's cookies and has turned a lovely shade of green. SCSA praises RVD, says that he did the right thing on Monday showed where he stands. RVD keeps trying to talk but Austin talks right over him. Austin takes his watch off and gives it to RVD telling him that the watch is saying that it's time for RVD to be a big time star.
The Limo is STILL lurking in that back. (Hmmmmm...)

9:35 Taker & Kane vs TNT (The pyro is HOT!) The pop for the Undersellers is like a long continuour roar.
They start on the outside.
Kane & Booker T.
Test & Kane. Test hits an Arm-Drag Take-Down. Neckbreaker gets two.
Test & Taker. Elbow City.
Taker & Booker T. Arm-Drag Pick-up. Arm Drag Take-Down. Ol Skool gets two.
Kane & Booker T. Kane hits a Shoulder slam thingy. Booker hits a Spin Kick.
Kane & Test. Kane hits a Back-Breaker thingy. Booker T cheats & pays for it. Kane hits a sidewalk slam. Kane up top. Knocked down by Booker T. Test takes advantage.
Kane & Booker T. Kick gets two.
Test & Kane. ("Booker Sucks") Swinging neckbreaker. Test up Top. Taker cheats. Kane hits a superplex.
Taker & Booker T. Taker hits a sidewalk slam & a DDT. Taker calls for the chokeslam. Test cheats. Kane takes Test out. Booker takes Kane out. Harlem sidekick gets two. Choke Slam gets two broken up by Test. Test gets chokeslammed. Booker gets his chair kicked in his face by Taker. Booker goes for the Last Ride, but just at the top, Test kicks Taker in the face & Booker gets the 1-2-3. (Huey Long is ref) & hey I think that the two men were legal! (10:00?!)

In the back, Vince & Fink get out of the limo to a HUGE HUGE POP. Fink helps Vince put his jacket on. Taker & Kane get their music played & get a Big Big Pop. "Vince screwed Bret"

Backstage the Party has ground to a halt. RVD "What?"
"Is that all you can say is What? What were you doing in the same limo as Vince McMahon"
"Just Talking"
"Talking about what?"
"Oh the same stuff you talk about. I'm a great athlete. I should reach for the stars."
"How can you reach for the stars when you're standing in hell? Vince McMahon is the DEVIL. & Believe me, I know. Give me back my watch! You know what my watch is saying? It's saying that it's time for RVD to make a decision, you're either with me or you're against me.
"Hey it's cool. When you're RVD, it's always cool."
"I think you should leave"
"Thank You"
"Thank You"
Aren't the Alliance the most polite heels ever?

Subway Slam of the Week - Taijiri green mist on Bubba + Big Show = Flat Green Bubba

9:55 Devon w/Bubba & Stacy vs. Taijiri w/Big Show
Much nasty vicious kicking. Llakor like. Stacy in Dudley gear. Llakor like. Bubba strikes from the outside & then uses Stacy as a human shield to protect himself from the Big Show. Very amusing. The Dudleyz hit the 3D on Taijiri but before Devon can take advantage, Big Show hits a chokeslam from the apron and Taijiri wins. (3:00?) As Big Show and Taijiri are walking up the ramp, Devon attacks from behind but rather than watch him commit suicide, I am busy watching Torrie pants Stacy Keibler (Though God knows there wasn't much to pant) Um. White. I think Cotton, Thongy, & yes her legs do go all the way up. I swear if there's ever an opening in the Keibler Cookie Factory, I am there with bells on.

Y2J & Rock are WALKING!

10:05 Y2J & Rock vs. Raven & Justin Credible w/Terri (Gold lame two piece)
Rock & Y2J begin a school yard fight between themeselves. Raven & Justin watch for a while and then jump the two of them. They throw Y2J to the outside. He gets a chair. KA-BONG! Raven is in dreamland. Thud! Justin is down, but they both decide that that wasn't really the thing. Justin gets back up and KTHWACK! back down. Dramatic pause & Kvomp! on the Rock. Y2J sneering Elbow to a HUGE POP! Y2J leaves. Rocky chant. Rock waves off help of ref, gets to his feet, leaving the ring w/o WCW belt, has to go back for it, staggers up the ramp with just enough strength to lift UP the ten pounds of gold.

After Rock leaves, they announce that RVD & Angle is still to come to keep us in the arena.

Kurt Angle- It's True, It's True Ad.

Edge w/Coach "I no longer have a brother"

Stacker 2 Burn of the Week- RVD 5* Frog Splash on Kurt Angle.

10:25 RVD vs Angle
Suplex/They go outside, Angle into the steps. Angle picks RVD off the apron and rag dolls him off the barrier. Back Inside. Flippy Floppy gets one. Bad-Ass Suplex. Missed Angle Slam converted into missed Angle Lock. Spinning Heel Kick. Jump to the 2nd Rope kick. Somersault thingy gets two. Angle quick roll-up gets two. Flippy Floppy backfires, Angle moves in, gets kicked in the face for two. Modified Sleeper by RVD gets applause?!! Not rhythmic clapping that came later. Angle Cross Body Block gets two. Suplex/Suplex/Angle Slam/Angle Lock gets Austin. Stunner. Austin throws RVD out. Austin goes for second Stunner gets Angle Slammed. RVD does 5* Frog Splash on ... AUSTIN (like there was any suspense), Vince comes out does R-V-D, walks down ramp motions for RVD to clean the house, walks back up does R-V-D again, leaves. Austin walks up the ramp offers RVD the Hand of Friendship, mistake!, drags RVD to the ring. RVD hits heel kick, hits 5* Frog Splash again on Austin. Angle Slam on RVD. Angle leaves. RVD leaves.

Austin: "RVD"
Crowd: "RVD"
Austin: "Get Back here"
Crowd: "Asshole"
Austin: "SHADDUP"
Crowd: "Asshole"
Austin: "RVD, get your ass out here"
Crowd: "Asshole"
Austin: "What"
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
RVD finally comes out.
Austin: "Nevermind"

RVD leaves again.
Austin drops microphone. Walks up the ramp. Glares at trash talkers to the left. Glares at trash talkers to the right. Goes back for microphone. "Where's that trash-talker? You're hiding now. What are you One Twenty? If there is one thing I can't stand it's a buck twenty Canadian wearing earrings. If there's one thing I can't stand it's a two-sixty Canadian too fat to move. Did you make that sign yourself? Are you proud of yourself? You're a Stone Cold Fan? You like Stone Cold? You think Stone Cold is great? I think you're pathetic. Jump up on this platform & I'll whip your little ass"
Crowd: "Loser" (He really didn't like that one.)
"You to the left, I'm turning my back on you because you don't deserve to look at me. You on the right, I'm turning my back on you because you don't deserve to have me look at you. You in the middle, I'm giving you a fat one of these (middle finger).
"Thank You Very Much."

Austin threatens the cameraman. Austin threatens the referee (not Earl who made himself scarce all night long.) Austin drops the mike. Picks it up to say something. Changes his mind drops the mike again.

Crowd: "Na Na Na Hey Hey Goodbye"

Austin picks up the mike again, goes to say something, changes his mind, drops the mike, gives us the finger and leaves at 10:50.

How appropriate/ironic was it that Austin's last words to us were "Thank You Very Much"?

Austin had us on the edge of our seats, in the palm of his hands for at least twenty minutes after the match ended. Absolutely amazing.

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