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WWF in Omaha


Guest columnist: Rob Wilson


Better Late than On Time?

I went to my 5th WWF event last night. To give you an idea of how much they DON'T come around Omaha. I started going to live events when Bret Hart was wrestling Hakushi (Spring '95). Since then I've only missed one WWF event in Omaha and that was the Good Friends Better Enemies: Shawn Michaels vs. Diesel PPV. So they've given us since that time 3 RAWS, 1 house show, and now 1 Smackdown. 6 years, 6 events. And it wasn't an event a year. The last time RAW was in Omaha was 3 years ago. six o clock (starts at 730) and there already was a line out and around waiting to get in. And as Sam mentioned, they didn't open the doors until the last minute for some reason so it was a massive rush to get int.

The guy in front of me is some douchebag staff leader who I used to work with at AMC Theaters when I was an usher. He wanted me to re-mop a floor that I'd already mopped. I used to be a janitor for an elementary school. I pride myself on mopping. That BASTARD TRIES TO MAKE ME DO IT AGAIN. Anyways, I walked out on the job that night and was fired. Moving along. We finally get in and we're 9 rows with a great view of everything.

People Sitting Nearby
To the left: This HUGE fat guy, at least 500 lbs. AT LEAST. Some douchey chubby kids. In front of us two parents and their son who looked to be 15, to the right of them a small group of mentally deficient (retards for you nonPC folks. I'm nonPC but how PC are the other people?) kids probably around 15 as well, and the guy whose taking them. Behind us some drunk chick and her drunk guy friends.


Dark Matches

Randy Orton vs. Chuck Palumbo - Palumbo wins

I watched as much as I could but I was hungry and so I went to go get food. It's always fun when guys that no one knows come out and all the cheering dies down and an awkward silence comes over the crowd. Poor Randy Orton. Same thing happened to Triple H in his dark matches at my first RAW. The crowd was like: Who the fuck is this dude in the equestrian gear. Anyways good match when Palumbo worked the leg of Orton.

Billy Gunn vs. Brock Lesnar - Billy Gunn wins
Holy fucking shit Brock Lesnar is a fucking BEAST. Fuck Steiner! The WWF needs to bring him out of dark matches now. He's got wrestling background and looks like he could break Sexual Chocolate in half if he wanted to. Sam is right on with the Hardcore Holly gimmick. Lesnar's got a tribal tattoo on his back. Billy Gunn has always gotten massive pops from the crowd, why the fuck is that? Is it because he's been such a WWF mainstay that you might as well? Anywas it was loud and it was a fine match. Brock got pissy a lot and threw tantrums. He did have a great continual back breaker that turned into just a submission attempt.

Tommy Dreamer vs. Russ McCullough - Russ wins
Right from the start I fucking hated this Russ asshole. He looks like a young big bossman with the size and attire of Diesel. Tommy Dreamer gets his ass kicked is pretty much what happens taking a lot of back shots. Russ pinned Dreamer and everyone was like "What the fuck?"

End of Dark Matches

Intercontinental Title Match: Double Countout
Edge(c) vs. Test

Yeah what the fuck. Test gets busted open in the mouth hardway. They brawl outside and it becomes a countout. Go figure. Test couldn't lose heat (what heat?) to Edge? Who knows. Anyways Edge exacts revenge I guess with the Buzzkiller.

WCW Cruiserweight Title Match: Tajiri wins
Tajiri(c) w/Torrie Wilson vs. Hurricane Helms w/Mighty Molly

I didn't see any of this match. I decided to be a big pervert and just spend the entire match staring at Torrie Wilson's ass. I tried to watch the match but it was right there and ohaghhgh I better stop typing before I spooge on my keyboard.

WWF European Title Match: Bradshaw wins
Bradshaw(c) vs. Kanyon

Your basic Bradshaw match.

X-Factor vs. Raven & Justin Credible - X-Factor wins

I should mention that between each match there was always a smattering for "RVD! RVD! RVD!"

Ring change, merchandise, national anthem, JR comes out to boos because of his theme song. Our hick town chants "Go Big Red" he says have a great time and shrugs to all the boos. Louder big red chant. This is why we need a professional team for something in Nebraska. We all look like queers getting hard-ons for a college team that's not even that great this year.

RAW Video Package! Smackdown! Pyro!

I could never do what CRZ does with recaps and I'm lazy so I'm going to steal Sam's stuff and add anything else worth commenting on.

The Alliance heads to the ring...Shane and Steph take a page from Stone Cold's book and berate everybody for losing titles. Long story short...Kidman gets beat up, Palumbo gets FIRED (for interfering in the festivities), Shane got a big laugh for asking Helms about his loss - "watupwitdat!?" Hurricane gets beat up (but not before blocking Shane's first punch), Rhyno gets suspended after a damn cool staredown where he looked ready to take on everybody (that is correct sir! It was great), Steph orders an alliance beatdown on the Dudley's who drop to the floor and set up a table to a big pop, but then Austin's music plays (to a HUGE pop...damn rednecks. Sam is right.) Austin sends everybody out of the ring (by order, not force) except Shane, Steph, and Regal. Austin tells Steph to shut up (to another huge pop) and complains that he is gone ONE day, and the Alliance falls apart. He announces there will be an Alliance Battle Royale to determine who is going to win the WCW Title back from Y2J. Excellent "WHAT" chants with Austin working the crowd masterfully.

It should be noted RVD didn't do jack shit during this segment and just sat on the top rope. Austin also bitched at RVD that he's not impressive. At one point the RVD chants got really loud and Austin went on a tangent with his "What?" He also stated he never wants to say What again. Afterwards he just barked at all the alliance members and then told a drunk chick near the aisle that he'd whoop her ass if she didn't shut up.

Alliance Battle Royal - Booker T wins
It was your regular battle royal. Test got pissy when he was eliminated by Booker T.

Trish Stratus vs. Might Molly - Trish wins
Molly was pretty brutal for a womens wrestler

On the tron, Vince warns Jericho not to lose tonight. Then Vince says he's going to see the Rock and Jericho says "Tell him hello from the CHAMP!"

It should be noted that Vince came off as a dick after Jericho said he has so much gold he can barely hold it. He threatened Jericho that things would never be the same again for him if he lost. Now he's off to go kiss the Rock's ass.

Foley greets Regal in his office and brings games (twister). Christian arrives and is having a shitty day. He's stuck in a hick town! Hahahah! It's funny cause it's true! He wants Angle tonight! It is granted. Christian pulls Foley's punk card and calls him a joke or something like that. Foley doesn't say much.

STILL in the back, Vince pep talk to Rock is in motion with Rocky ending the conversation with a SMILE and a "You know Vince, The Rock is kind of embarrassed to admit this in public, but...well...The Rock could wipe a monkey's ass with what you think" The Rock does smiling a very creepy smile.

TAZZ runs NIDIA into the ground for interfering in his match with Maven. Al Snow shows up and runs TAZZ into the ground. The match is on! (But we already knew that didn't we)

Should be noted that it was a good segment! Al Snow calls Maven and Nidia "his kids".

WCW US Championship - Kurt wins
Kurt Angle(c) vs. Christian

Good match. Angle gets busted in the mouth. I was one of the few that cheered for Christian. Then again I was wearing a Kurt Angle t-shirt so that must have looked odd. But hey, I cheered for everyone.

Immediately, we see Austin venting to Booker T about Christian's match. Austin's new gimmick "Do you know what my watch is telling me? It's time for Booker T to become the six-time WCW champion!" (This was the second time in the night Austin used the "Do you know what my watch is telling me" line).

Should be noted, that yes Sam is right. Steve Austin is having a knack for coming up with funny shit realizing what works and then making it money. Austin is a god.

WCW World Championship - Chris Jericho wins
Chris Jericho(c) vs. Booker T

Great match. The ref fucked up the final count though. Jericho rolls up Booker T and then bridges. But the ref went down to count at the roll up and then thought the bridge was a kickout or something. Who knows but he screwed it up and the crowd was caught off guard.

AL SNOW vs TAZZ - Al Snow Wins
Not that long of a match. Good for what it was though. As some people say.

Backstage, Vince is informed by Sgt. Slaughter that Shane wants a street fight in the parking lot. Vince is off. Linda sighs.

Vince is out back but no Shane.

Shane and Steph are not outside! They're in the locker room! Shane rants against Linda, and she slaps Shane. Then Shane gets angry and turns around Linda for Stephanie to slap her. Stephanie fucking laces into her, laying her out. Good slap.

Jericho visits the Rock and pep talks him into ALSO becoming a double-title holder by winning the "prestigious" hardcore title. Jericho is getting BIG time pompous.

Should be noted, yes he is and it's great. The Rock says Jericho should know something about hardcore matches since he needs chairs to win.

Vince returns to Linda crying. An explaination later...Oh...Shane and Steph rode off in the limo. Vince is pissed.

WCW Tag Team Championships - Dudley Boyz win
The Hardy Boyz (c) vs. The Dudley Boyz

Stacey distracted Matt eventually.

Should be noted on the way she distracted. She bent over. Wearing her usual skirt that barely cover her ass. Are we putting it together? She flashed him the panties and did an ass shake for him. Matt Hardy was like WHOA! UNGH! FWAP! FWAP!

Jeff Hardy gets a 3D from the top rope and it's over!

Should be noted that D-Von grabbed Stacey's ass as they headed back into the curtain. I'm serious on that one.

WWF Hardcore Title - RVD Wins
RVD(c) vs. The Rock

Rock had RVD in Sharpshooter submission when Shane interfered (guess he came back?) Then Vince came down for the save, chasing Shane into the lower balcony (and out of our view), then Test came down, then Y2J came down, then Booker T came down, then RVD came wait...He was IN the match to begin with! We got all the signature moves. Somewhere in there, Shane interferes a second time and RVD gets the pin. Y2J and Rock kick ass anyway and it's Rock's music when all is said and done. Better than RAW, not NEARLY as good as Moline two weeks ago. GOOD NIGHT!

Should be noted that Jericho and Rock did a fist knock before they left. The Rock also made a wrong turn and Jericho had to lead him back to the curtain.

ALSO TO BE NOTED. For some reason two mental handicappers switched seats. So I had a new one in front of me with a big green neon Rock sign...sigh. Now I wouldn't have a problem other than he raised every 5 seconds. And the dude with him wouldn't explain what's on the big screens is what is being shown on Live feed AND for the tapings. So cameras would have a close-up of Jericho's face and he'd have his sign up. Even after they stopped rolling he had his sign up and would look at the black screens. EVEN WHEN HE GOT ON A WIDESCREEN SHOT! HE WOULDN'T LET IT GO! I missed the 5 star frog splash because of this fucking kid! GOD DAMMIT! It's all rushing back to me now! My brother and I were yelling at him to PUT HIS FUCKING SIGN DOWN! But to no avail he'd just look back at us with a blank stare.

Hey minus the disabled - Good show!

Rob Wilson
Not An Angry Canadian

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