CWO GRAND FINALE
July 13, 2002
Hello again, everyone! It is me, Miguelito, coming to you "live in HTML" from the Buffalo Rose in Golden, Colorado. If you are paying attention, you know that means I am once again covering a show sanctioned by the Central Wrestling Organization, the CWO.
Before we get into this show, let me quickly recap what happened last month at CWO Authority. Corpse and Sarge lost the CWO tag-team titles to the Excellences, who proceeded to lose the titles to a new tag-team, the Disciples of Discipline, later that night. Sarge and Corpse battled in the main event for the CWO title; Corpse retained his championship by pinning Sarge. Deacon ruled the night, winning his match against Rage, then helping Joe Juvenile become the new CWO Cruiserweight Champion. The big story from the evening was CWO Owner 3M's return and beatdown on CWO Commissioner Doc, setting up a no-holds barred match tonight for unofficial control of the CWO.
CWO Authority was actually a very well done show. It was helped along by two great matches, including the aforementioned Sarge/Corpse CWO title match. Pre-show hype for tonight's show, CWO Grand Finale, says that this show will blow away Authority, and will be the best CWO show of the year. Let's hope so!
And let's get the ball rolling. Our ringside commentators are J. Todd on play-by-play and the Fabulous One Vince Vaughn on heel color commentary. After a few minutes of J. Todd recapping Authority and Vaughn insulting the crowd, "Bad to the Bone" starts playing, and sure enough, here comes the CWO owner, Magnum Man Magnus (3M). 3M's got the stick!
"You know, ever since I bought this company, I give someone a little bit of power and it just goes straight to their heads. Every time, and I'm getting tired of it. For once, I just want to have a good time. I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor. But no. The new commissioner, Doc, and the power goes to his head. And now he thinks he makes the rules? Tonight Doc, there are no rules. You and me, no rules, no holds barred, I'm going to kick the living crap out of you."
Such harsh words cannot be left unchallenged, and sure enough, here comes Doc! But Doc also brings with him CWO referee's JDT, Crazy Nate and some dude whose name I don't know yet. Doc also has someone with him who stands about 6'5", is pretty bulky, has evil facial hair, and is wearing a Klingon shirt. I double-check to make sure it's not Michael Dorn. He remains nameless, so I guess he's just there to intimidate. I should also note that Doc's arm is in a sling. That's not good...
Doc has the stick! "Listen up, Drunken Master." (HA! For an explanation: 3M was playing an alcoholic owner gimmick; Doc sent him to rehab three months ago.) "Since your nice attack by that lunatic Sycho Sarge and you on the last show, you tore the AC ligament in my shoulder. I can't compete tonight." Doc reaches into his pocket and pulls out a contract. "When we filled out our contract, you failed to read the part that says if I'm injured, I get to pick your opponent. So tonight, you will face Corpse!" Well, that's something of a surprise. Unfortunatley, not getting to see Doc -vs- 3M is pretty harsh; that was the one main selling point of this show. This had better not be a ruse.
As you can expect, here comes the CWO Champion, Corpse! Everyone is having to use the same microphone tonight. What'supwithdat? "Hold on, commissioner. I don't know what your problem is. 'I have a shoulder injury, I can't wrestle tonight.' You know what? Fine. You want to be a little bitch? Fine. I really don't care for the simple fact that I've been waiting to get my hands on 3M for a long time now. You can't run anymore, you can't hide. You're done tonight." 3M accepts, and then slaps Corpse! The referees get Corpse out of the ring before anything else can happen.
You know, Corpse's promo would've been better if he and 3M weren't laughing...
Hmmm... Doc is apparently leaving, too. That leaves just the Magnus family here. Let's see... there's the lovely Danielle, Joe Juvenile, Money Man John Blaze... I'm sure I missed someone... Joe Juvenile is upset that he has to defend his newly-won CWO Cruiserweight championship tonight against fellow Magnus family member Blaze.
Wow, the ring is already clearing. That's the shortest show-opening promo I've seen the CWO do. I can get used to this!
It looks like we are ready for our first match, Tom Terminator -vs- Ronin. Terminator is one-half of the Excellences, who lost the CWO tag championships last week to the Disciples of Discipline, Ronin and Madd Dogg. Madd Dogg is not able to make it tonight, so we end up with this one-on-one matchup.
Ronin, who normally wears an Oriental hat to the ring, also wears a blazer and Jerry Lewis glasses to the ring. Ronin also carries a chalkboard. I should note that Ronin is led to the ring by the amazingly hot Miss Fortune, a petite blond done up in dominatrix regalia. Wow, Ronin has the stick! "Tom Terminator, you know, I really envy you. If my eyes do not deceive me..." Ronin pauses here to point to the coke-bottle lenses on the glasses. "..you've got the ripped physique of a greek god. You've got the social graces of Hollywood's A-List. I can see you partying with Tom Cruise and Michael Keaton. And those women I've seen you with... I've seen you with four, you had to beat them off with a stick. Okay, I'm through with the sarcasm." HA! "Here's three things that you don't have. 1 is the CWO tag team championship belt, worn proudly by yours truly. You don't have an education. But that's okay. It just so happens that I have a Master's degree in science from an Ivy league institution. And Miss Fortune, she's the head mistress of her own private school of hard knocks. What is this a picture of? This is Tom Terminator. Can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture? Tom needs to be on his back, being pinned by the Asian Sensation himself, Ronin."
And here we go! Terminator takes Ronin down with an armdrag. Another one. Into the ropes, Terminator with another armdrag. Terminator with an arm bar, into a hammerlock. Terminator runs Ronin shoulder-first into the turnbuckle. Ronin comes out of the corner and catches a dropkick from Terminator. Terminator with a vertical suplex and a cover, 1 - 2 - kickout. Terminator with a surfboard. Ronin up, into the ropes, backbreaker by Terminator. Again! Terminator getting some stomps in. Terminator pulls out the camel clutch! Ronin isn't giving up, though.
Terminator throws Ronin into the ropes and tries to hit another back breaker, but Ronin is ready this time, and reverses into a flying headscissors. Terminator tosses Ronin into the corner and tries to follow with a shoulder block, but no one's home! Terminator's shoulder hits the post. Ronin pulls Terminator back in the ring and hits a neckbreaker! Terminator is down in the middle of the ring. Ronin comes off the ropes, stomp to the gut! Off the ropes on the other side, another stomp! One more to complete the trifecta!
Terminator trying to get up, but Ronin has him in a rear chinlock. Ronin uses his hair (which is in a long ponytail) to choke Terminator! Referee breaks it up. Terminator is getting up, but Ronin grabs him and hits a Slop Drop!
Ronin's heading up to the top rope, but Terminator's going to meet him there. Terminator crotches him! Terminator up to the second rope, SUPERPLEX! Terminator with a series of rights. Terminator catches Ronin with a bulldog! That's his finisher, 1 - 2 - Miss Fortune is up to distract the referee! I'd be distracted, too. Terminator picks up Ronin, BALDO BOMB! Cover, but the ref is still distracted by Miss Fortune. While the ref chats with Miss Fortune (and stares at her cleavage), she slips the chalkboard to Ronin. Ronin destroys the chalkboard over Terminator's head. The pinfall is academic. (6:43)
Terminator's tag-team partner Deuce is up next. Deuce hops in the ring and challenes any wrestler in the back to come out and wrestle him. Referee Crazy Nate holds the ropes for a challenger, but no one is coming. Are we not going to have a match? Wait a minute, Nate just attacked Deuce! And now Nate is calling for the bell. I guess we've got a match. And it appears that Nate is going to be the referee, too!
Nate takes Deuce down with a few forearm smashes, but then falls prey to a sunset flip. Nate's counting a pin on himself! 1 - kickout. Nate catches Deuce with a clothesline. Nate covers, and counts again! 1 - 2 - Deuce kicks out. Nate is up, and he's arguing with himself! This is hysterical! Deuce back up, he throws Nate into the corner, then nails Nate with a wicked clothesline. Deuce tosses Nate out of the ring, then catches him with a nice baseball slide dropkick.
Back into the ring, Nate's coming back with a series of rights. Nate with a sweet belly-to-belly suplex. Cover, 1 - 2 - kickout, and Nate doesn't look happy with his own count. Nate starts choking Deuce, but then he pulls himself off. He's now giving himself a stern talking to. Nate takes Deuce down with a clothesline. Cover, 1 - 2 - kickout, and now Nate is pushing himself around!
Nate should really be paying attention to Deuce, though. Deuce takes Nate down with a spear. Deuce makes a wish! Deuce up to the top rope, flying shoulderblock! Deuce picks Nate up, pumphandle slam! And that's punctuated with a double-leg drop on Nate. Deuce covers, Nate counts 1 - 2 - and then pauses, so Deuce slams Nate's hand down to the mat for the pin. (4:38)
After Deuce leaves, Nate gets up and starts arguing with himself. And now he is pushing himself. And now he is choking himself! NATE JUST CHOKESLAMMED HIMSELF! That was hysterical, truly hysterical. Bravo, Nate. You are still the shit!
Moving right along, here's some guy that I don't know. He is carrying a clipboard and apparently taking notes as he looks at the audience. This guy gets into the ring and grabs the stick! He introduces himself as Charles Shipwright. Shipwright says that the problem with the CWO is that its fans and wrestlers are all out of shape. (It should be noted that Shipwright is buff; he doesn't appear to have any bodyfat on him.) Shipwright challenges any of the wrestlers in the back to a match.
Out comes... Extreme Machine? Well, Machine definitely fits Shipwright's description of overweight wrestlers. Machine says that he feels he is in perfect shape, and that he wants to prove that he can beat Shipwright. Shipwright attacks Machine from behind. Shipwright tosses Machine into the ropes and catches him with a clothesline. Shipwright with a Scott Steiner posing elbow! Shipwright takes Machine down with a dropkick.
Wait a minute, here comes Foley! She brings Shipwright's clipboard into the ring with her, and then breaks it over Shipwright's head. OUCH! Shipwright is just stunned enough for Machine to hit the Machine Cutter. Foley picks Shipwright up and hits him with the Bubba Bomb! And now Foley and Machine are leaving together. That was really weird. There was never a referee in the ring, so I don't think this actually counted as a match. Shipwright challenges Machine to a match at the next CWO show.
Up next is a special challenge match, as Jenocide makes his return to the CWO to battle Pain. Jenocide attacks before the bell, taking Pain down with a running clothesline. Pain comes back with punches, and then delivers his own clothesline. Pain applies some stomps, then begins choking Jenocide. Jenocide rakes the eyes, though, and then hits a stunner. Jenocide with a pump-handle overhead slam. Jenocide with a legdrop. Cover, 1 - 2 - kickout by Pain.
Pain hits a low blow to slow Jenocide down. Pain with a chinbuster! Pain whips Jenocide into the corner and follows him in with a splash. Bulldog! Cover, 1 - 2 - kickout. Pain argues the count with the referee. Jenocide with a nice sidekick that takes Pain down. Jenocide heads out side to grab a chair. Chairshot to Jenocide's head! Jenocide tries to splash Pain in the corner, but gets the referee instead. Jenocide grabs Pain and hits the TKO!
Wait a minute, here's MHPW's Ravage getting in the ring! Ravage hits a Book End on Jenocide. Pain covers, 1 - 2 - 3! (5:36). After the match, Ravage starts working over Jenocide again. Pain in with a double-clothesline to take both men down! It's broken down here.
Let's not waste any time getting to our next match. Deacon is out to give us a few words. Basically, he has heard that Rage considered last month's loss to Deacon a fluke. Tonight, Deacon will prove it wasn't a fluke. Rage comes to the ring; Rage declares that he will easily win the match. He once again calls for a waitress, this time ordering TWO chicken sandwiches.
Rage attacks before the bell. Rage tosses Deacon into the ropes and nails him with a sidewalk slam. Rage with a powerslam. Cover, 1 - 2 - kickout. Deacon rolls out of the ring to break up Rage's momentum. Rage tries to pull Deacon back into the ring, but he gets hot-shotted for his efforts. Deacon back in, leg across Rage's throat while Deacon "prays" for more strength. Deacon with forearms, Rage kicks him in the midsection. Suplex, 1 - 2 - Rage pulls Deacon up! That's never a good idea...
Rage tosses Deacon into the ropes, shoulder tackle. Deacon tries to apply the You Are Healed judo chop, but Rage blocks it. Chokeslam by Rage! Deacon with a low blow. Arm bar. Deacon drops a leg onto Rage's shoulder. Deacon going for a Boston crab, but Rage powers out. Rage with a clothesline. Cover, 1 - 2 - kickout. Rage picks Deacon up, inverted chokeslam! That's his finisher. 1 - 2 - 3. (4:01)
Well, we got a healthy helping of SQUASH! That was weird; last month these two had a nice little match, most of which was evenly-matched, which ended with Deacon getting the win. So why'd we get SQUASH this month? Very strange.
Back to the ring we go, and here is Sarge! Sarge points out that he's been on a losing streak lately. He lost the CWO title to Corpse, then he lost to Joe Juvenile at CWO Annihilation, then he lost the CWO tag-team championships at CWO Authority. Sarge promised that he would correct that today, however. Sarge then lays out a challenge to any guy in the back who wants to fight. Sarge also adds that if he is pinned tonight, Sarge will leave the CWO.
Out comes.... Nikita? Ayup, here is Nikita, making her triumphant return to the CWO. Sarge laughs when he sees her, explaining that he challenged any guy, and the "two gernades" on Nikita's chest proves that she isn't a guy. Nikita slaps him hard across the face. Sarge tries to laugh this off, but Nikita does it again. Sarge grabs Nikita by the hair and throws her hard into the corner. Sarge charges, but gets caught by Nikita.
Nikita with a series of punches and chops. Nikita whips Sarge into the ropes, Sarge heads out of the ring for a second. Back in, Sarge locks on a headlock. Sarge with an armbar takeover. Again. Sarge locks in an arm bar, puts extra pressure on it, then yells, "Tap, bitch!" Nikita reverses the arm bar. Nikita puts a knee into Sarge's shoulder. Nikita with an arm bar, reversed by Sarge. And then reversed by Nikita, and Nikita takes Sarge down. Sarge pulls Nikita by the hair into a head scissors. Nikita makes it to the ropes and we break.
Lock back up, Nikita with a headlock. Sarge tries a belly-to-belly suplex, but Nikita reverses it into a headlock takedown. Sarge is getting very frustrated here. Sarge tries for a clothesline, but Nikita floats over and reverses into a small package. 1 - 2 - kickout. Sarge again heads out of the ring, stopping first to complain that Nikita was pulling his tights.
Sarge back in. Lockup, Sarge takes Nikita down with a knee to the midsection. Sarge unleashing a series of forearms to Nikita's back. Sarge choking Nikita on the ropes. Sarge whips Nikita into the corner and follows her with a shoulder tackle. Sarge tries to whip Nikita into the far corner, but Nikita reverses, then follows Sarge in with a shoulder. Nikita with a victory roll! 1 - 2 - Sarge kicks out.
Sarge takes Nikita down with a clothesline. Sarge is now standing on Nikita's throat! I think Sarge is about to lose control here. Sarge with a wicked snap suplex. Cover, 1 - 2 - Nikita kicks out. Sarge complains about a slow count to the referee, then immediately covers Nikita for another two count. HA! Sarge whips Nikita hard into the corner, then catches her coming out with a sidewalk slam. Cover, 1 - 2 - kickout.
Sarge is really losing his grip here. Stomps to Nikita's head and chest. Sarge whips Nikita out of the corner by her hair. Sarge covers, 1 - 2 - kickout. Sarge nails a backbreaker! Cover, 1 - 2 - Nikita just barely kicks out. How much punishment can she take? Sarge stands on Nikita's hair, then pulls up on her arms! Ref breaks it up. Sarge tries to do this again, but Nikita nails him on the top of the head with a kick. Nikita tries to attack, but she runs into a short-arm clothesline by Sarge. And here comes Zeek? What the hell? Zeek rides his motorcycle to ringside, then disappears. That was... weird.
Anyway, Sarge nails Nikita with a forearm off the ropes. Dropkick by Sarge. Leg lariat by Sarge, and he is in complete control of this match. Sarge stops to do 10 pushups! Sarge with a big bodyslam. Sarge is heading up to the top rope! Snuka splash, nobody's home!
Nikita can barely stand, but Sarge is down, too. Nikita's up first, series of martial arts kicks to Sarge in the corner. Sarge tries a kick to the midsection, but Nikita shakes it off and hits a back heel kick to Sarge's head! Sarge is going down, but he manages to hit a stunner on Nikita! Sarge rolls Nikita up and covers her. Sarge's feet are on the ropes! 1 - 2 - 3! (12:49).
And immediately out is Doc. Doc rules that, because Sarge had his feet on the ropes, that pin doesn't count. Doc orders the match restarted. Sarge goes to get him some of Doc, completely forgetting about Nikita in the process. Nikita hits Sarge with a low blow, then lands a superkick! Nikita covers. 1 - 2 - 3! (additional 0:22).
Damn, that match was awesome. Simply awesome. Sarge and Nikita gave everything in that ring. They had a great chemistry together in there. It helps that Sarge didn't try to work easier with Nikita; he was just as stiff as always. That made the match that much more enjoyable. Awesome match! I truly hope this wasn't Sarge's last match in the CWO, however.
Up next, we have the CWO Cruiserweight Championship match, as Joe Juvenile reluctantly puts his title on the line against fellow Magnus family member Money Man John Blaze. Blaze gets a surprising positive reaction from the crowd. Juvenile obviously is not happy that the crowd is behind Blaze.
Lockup, Blaze locks on an armbar. Knee to the gut. Arm bar, armdrag takedown by Blaze. Both men back up. Blaze offers a handshake, Juvenile kicks him in the head. That wasn't very nice! Juvenile with a clothesline, follows it up with a legdrop. Juvenile covers, 1 - 2 - kickout. Juvenile whips Blaze into the corner and tries to follow with a shoulder, but Blaze moves out of the way. Blaze throws a superkick, but Juvenile ducks. He doesn't duck a sidekick, though!
Into the ropes, Juvenile clotheslines Blaze. Juvenile with a gutshot, into a neckbreaker. Juvenile starts working on Blaze's leg. Juvenile drapes Blaze's leg over the second rope, then buttdrops it. Blaze back up, into the ropes, Blaze takes him down with a hiptoss. A second time! Into the ropes, Juvenile takes Blaze down with a backslide. 1 - 2 - kickout! Both men back up, schoolboy by Blaze. 1 - 2 - kickout. Juvenile with a small package, 1 - 2 - kickout.
Juvenile outside the ring, he wraps Blaze's leg around the ringpost! Again. Juvenile setting him up, Bret Hart Figure Four around the ringpost! Juvenile back in the ring, referee JDT is arguing with Juvenile. This distraction allows Blaze to go out to the floor, bring in his briefcase, and nail Blaze in the head. Hmmm.. I woulda thought that JDT would see that, it was right in front of him...
Blaze removes the briefcase from the ring, then superkicks Juvenile. And now Blaze locks on the Moneyclip! That's his finisher, but Juvenile punches out JDT. HA! Blaze is up and checking on JDT. Juvenile comes from behind and hits the Garbage Dump on Blaze! Juvenile covers, but JDT is still out. That was poor planning on Juvenile's part. Juvenile tries to revive JDT, which allows Blaze to roll him up in a schoolboy. JDT, now revived, counts, 1 - 2 - 3! (6:24) Money Man John Blaze is the new CWO Cruiserweight Champion!
It's now Main Event time, as CWO Champion Corpse battles CWO Owner 3M. 3M starts out quickly with rights, but Corpse throws him into the corner. Corpse with a BIG atomic drop, followed by a clothesline. Corpse slams 3M's head into the turnbuckle. Corpse nails 3M with a snap suplex. Make it another one. Trying for one more, but 3M rolls this into a small package, not even a one-count. Headlock by 3M. Into the ropes, shoudlerblock. 3M with some knife-edge chops, then takes Corpse down with a drop toe hold. Off the ropes, 3M tries a sunset flip, but Corpse drops down.
Corpse throws 3M into the corner, then lays in the knife-edge chops. 3M nails a vicious martial-arts kick that takes Corpse out of the ring. 3M follows him out. 3M has a trashcan, WHACK! One more time. And again! 3M whips Corpse into the ringpost. 3M finds the trashcan lid, and starts working Corpse over with this. Corpse finds a chair, however, and pastes 3M in the head.
Corpse goes searching under the ring and finds a hose. Corpse whips 3M with the hose. Corpse wraps the hose around 3M's neck, hangman! Corpse whips 3M into the ringpost, and this match is turning ugly. 3M manages to sneak in a gutshot, then slams Corpse's head into the announcer's table. Corpse tries a chair again, but 3M superkicks the chair out of Corpse's hands. Corpse takes 3M down with a right. Corpse finds a rope under the ring, and starts to choke 3M with that.
3M manages to make it into the ring. Corpse finds a trashcan and brings that into the ring with him. 3M superkicks the can into Corpse's head. 3M hits a stunner! And here comes... Nikita? Nikita attacks the lovely Danielle, pulling her shirt off. Danielle runs to the back. Nikita walks into the ring, where Corpse has regained control over 3M. Nikita gives Corpse a high-5, then goes to kiss him? What the hell is this crap?
Oh, it's a Shocking Swerve; Nikita nails Corpse with a straight kick to the head, then takes him down with a flurry of martial arts kicks. Nikita rolls 3M on top of Corpse, then leaves the ring. Referee JDT counts, 1 - 2 - 3! (9:58) We have a new CWO Champion.
Well, it's time to kick the overbooking into high gear, as Doc once again makes an appearance. Doc and the referees chat for a while, and then decide that Nikita's interference doesn't fall under the "falls count anywhere" rules of the match. Decision is reversed; Corpse keeps the CWO title.
Even more overbooking is coming up, as Pain appears from nowhere to attack Corpse. What is this, a return to WCW Thunder? Someone needs to pull the plug on this right now. We're going WAY overboard here... Corpse and Pain fight to the back, leaving 3M and Nikita in the ring.
And we still aren't done? 3M wants to know what Nikita was thinking, interfering in his match. I thought it was obvious that she was trying to help him, but I could be thinking too logically here. And yes, I am starting to turn against the show at this point. Nikita said she was trying to do 3M a favor on the biggest show of the year. 3M says there's only one way she can help him, then locks on a greco roman lip lock.
Nikita disengages herself from the kiss, and then dutifully spits to prove how gross the kiss was. Nikita then tells 3M she'll show him how to really do it, and starts kissing him. That's it, I'm outta here! Oh, looks like I don't need to leave. Nikita takes 3M down to the ground, straddling him. 3M's shoulders are down, and a referee hops into the ring and counts a pinfall. This wasn't a match, to the best of my knowledge, so counting a pinfall made absolutely no sense, but the referee did it anyway.
Nikita jumps off 3M and heads to the back, pausing to give a shy wave to 3M. 3M is speechless, and that's the way that the show ends.
And thank god that ended. The main event really should've ended right after the pinfall was counted. Or right after Doc reversed the decision. Everything after that point sucked hard, from Pain's attack to the crap between 3M and Nikita. It was way too much, didn't make sense, and wasn't entertaining.
All in all, this show definitely didn't live up to expectations. It wasn't close to being the best CWO show of the year. The show was far too uneven, had too many screwjobs, and ended on a REALLY bad note. Hopefully, Grand Finale will quickly fade to memories.
That's all for me! I don't know where you are reading this right now, but wherever you are, check this space soon for my next Raw Thoughts. And be sure to check out http://www.rawthoughts.org.
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