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/wrestling /results /27 July 1999 taping |
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/wrestling /results /27 July 1999 taping |
| WWF TV Taping | 27.7.99 |
| Guest columnist: Jeff Tatarek | |
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From the Value City Arena at the Schottenstein Center - Columbus, OH A packed house tonight, as full as possible given the restrictions placed by the backstage curtains and the TitanTron. We get several video packages highlighting the whole "End of an Era" saga to warm us up, including hijinks from the July 26 RAW. A lot of Vince's farewell speech and Austin's response is included. I am amused that parts of the crowd pop for Austin even though he's on tape. Results of dark/Shotgun/SuperAstros matches: Kurt Angle defeats Bret Keane(?)(a Cincinnati worker) via pinfall. A technically solid if unspectacular match. Some morons fired up a "boring" chant. which to me means "I don't know who you are, so get out of the ring". Kurt Angle has some neat kinda polka entrance music. Jose Estrada defeats El Merenguero via DQ. Papi Chulo and Miguel Perez came down to ringside to observe the match. Eventually Papi and the other guy rushed in to beat on each other, causing the DQ. Savio Vega joined the fun, coming from the announce table, and helped defuse the situation. Tag match: Papi Chulo & Apollo Dantes defeat El Pantera & (?)(not announced) via pinfall. A great high-flying lucha match. All involved hit at least one great high spot, including one where both members of one team followed each other out over the top rope to land on their opposition. Papi hits a top-rope moonsault for the pin (might've actually been a shooting star press). Time for Heat matches now; they're pulling out the appropriate ring aprons and setting up the pyro. Here come the announcers to "Welcome to The Jungle". Finally the crowd gives up a bit of arena-wide heat. Actually, it really is quite hot and humid inside Value City Arena. It was pretty hot on Tuesday, so I don't know if the air conditioning isn't turned up enough or unable to cope, but I was sweating like a pig all through the show. We get the intro and pyro for Heat, and then Taker and Big Show (with Paul Bearer) enter to give an interview. They have new entrance music and video, and come out together all night long. CRZ will be happy to know that Paul Wight no longer has "THE BIG SHOW" printed on his keester. I missed what Paul Wight had to say, in part because of the heel heat they genereated, but Undertaker said: ..."it's all about desire. He has it (Big Show), you (Kane) don't. When I was born, I was given two special gifts: the first being a connection with the supernatural, the second is the ability to hate without any reason at all. You see Kane, you don't have that ability because you have compassion. You needed a friend! Well your friend X-Pac is laying in a hospital, and he got you hurt just as well! See, I don't make any bones about it; I hate everyone, I hate everything. That goes for you too, big man! (turning to Paul Wight) Now the fact of the matter is one day you're gonna reach your hand out to me, and I'm gonna stick a knife right through the middle of your heart. But back to you Kane, you see he understands that and until that day comes he's gonna absorb all the knowledge that I have. He's gonna take it, because it's gonna take him one step closer to greatness; hell, even immortality. Kane, you will never be able to achieve that, because you're weak! You have no killer instinct. Now that brings me to Austin. Austin, I'm not through with you by no stretch of the imagination. In fact the next time I see you I'm gonna take this soup bone (symbol?), thrust it into your chest, tear out your heart and eat it! And as far as everyone else in the World Wrestling Federation is concerned, I got one thought I'm going to leave you with and that is "Be afraid, be very afraid!" The days of scary music and lights are over; it's a time for pure, unadulterated hatred and evil! And from this day forward the Big Show and I, we will hurt who we want, we will take what we want, we will destroy what we want until the day of Armageddon is upon us and that just leaves me and him and there's nothing anyone can do about it so I'm gonna leave you with just one last thought, and that is you and everyone in the World Wrestling Federation can go straight to hell where we will be waiting on you!" The Acolytes are out at the top of the ramp! They take umbrage at Undie's little tirade. Faarooq: ..."you talk about Armageddon and destruction. Hey, I think y'all been watching too many movies because every time I look up on this screen (the TitanTron) I don't see no Bruce Willis, I don't see Arnold Schwarzenegger. Only thing I see is somebody getting their ass kicked or somebody kicking ass! And you think just because all of a sudden you two get together and you're 7 feet tall and all of a sudden everybody in the World Wrestling Federation gotta bow down to you? I don't think so. I'm not a coward! My partner's not a coward! Oh, well forgive me, I get it now; y'all looking for a fight." Bradshaw: "If you're looking for a fight, dead man, then you and the 7-foot bad boy just found one, 'cause that's what we do best, son." Taker: "Why you two ungrateful sonuva bitches! You better remember who it was that brought you to the dance because if you want to fight I'll sure remind you who's gonna take you home!" And so we've got a match set up for later, and they leave. Edge defeats Meat (w/PMS). Meat has hot pink trunks with underwear motif, and he's still selling the "Gosh I'm tuckered out" angle from last week. Back and forth match, with Meat looking more and more out. Edge with a spear to win. PMS berates Meat for his lack of performance. Terri Runnels forces Meat to first kiss her foot, then lick her boot in penance. Gangrel and Christian watch from the crowd. Prince Albert vs Chaz Warrington. Prince Albert on the mike: "Jersey boy! There's two things I would like to do tonight: the first is to beat you from an inch (sic) of your life, and you knew that so you shoved me in the back (a backstage clip we didn't see?). The second is to let your girl Marianna, who's been eyeing me in the back, run her hands all through my fur (eeyew, sez I!) and count all of my piercings! The doctor said I can't fight tonight but let me tell you something: I'll take your girl Marianna and make a woman outta her! And when I'm done with her she'll be begging me to tattoo my name on her ass!" And Chaz is out, underwear ring attire and all. Marianna is out too. And so is Vic Grimes too, all dressed in white (we thought it was the Blue Meanie in a new look at first). This solidifies it; he's in the Droz/Albert camp. Chaz gets beaten down pretty quick, the ref is down. Sgt. Slaughter and the refs come down to separate them all but not before Prince Albert puts a heavy liplock on Marianna. This was originally billed as Prince Albert vs Godfather, but no Godfather to be seen. I don't know what happened. Mideon vs Steve Blackman (yes!) Crowd is pretty dead for this; no one seems to give a rat's about Mideon, and he looks pretty bored too. The match never really gets started as Steve just whomps the tar out of Mideon with a pair of nunchaku, then a bo stick, finally a couple of good whacks with a kendo stick. Finally he pulls out those wicked sickle things, and the refs are out to pull Mideon's fat ass from the fire. Crowd has been chanting for Shamrock all throughout. Undertaker & Big Show vs Acolytes. Acolytes get face heat. A short back-and forth brawl culminating in a Taker chair shot on the Acolytes for the DQ. Now Bob Holly is out to lay down the law, and he stomps on the Acolytes! But that doesn't help him as he gets beaten down. Big Show actually comes between Taker and Bob Holly; I guess the big lug still has a soft spot for him. Everyone leaves except for a flattened Holly, who eventually gets up and stumbles out of the arena. Jeff Jarrett & Debra (w/Puppies) come out to a big pop, which unfortunately is 99.9% for the Puppies. When will Puppies backlash begin? I'm sick of it all. So is Jarrett: "Each and every one of you need to be neutered! There are no Puppies in your future tonight because I won't allow it, because I am the greatest Intercontinental champ of all time! D'lo Brown, you have no business in show business. And the show business I'm talking about is last Monday night on RAW when I was taking Ben Stiller to Puppy kindergarten. We got the footage, let's roll it." And the TitanTron displays Jarrett putting the figure-four on pale Ben. "Right there as I was teaching him some obedience, some discipline, some training, how to act around the Puppies... D'lo, you had to down to the ring and stick your nose where it didn't belong. You had no business coming into the ring when the greatest Intercontinental champion is conducting school." A "we want puppies" chant fires up from the fans. "D'lo, you're just as sick as these people are. Tonight on Heat I'm making a challenge for tomorrow night on RAW. D'lo Brown, title for title. My belt for your belt. The Intercontinental championship for the European championship, and son I'm gonna take you to school and I will make history! Not only will I become the greatest Intercontinental champion of all time but also the greatest European champion of all time! Tomorrow night on RAW. Debra, let's get the hell out of here." And off they go, Jarrett taking her by the hand. Hardy Boys defeat Papi Chulo & Sho Funaki. Either this is a Shotgun match or Papi and Sho get shown on Heat! Pretty cool match either way. Michael Hayes was doing guest commentary at the table. Usual insane high-flying antics from all involved, with Papi Chulo taking most of the punishment. Sho barely gets in the match until late. Papi Chulo basically had to be scraped off the floor and helped to the back. Joey Abs defeats Johnny Paradise (from Mansfield, OH). Basically a squash with Paradise not getting much offense. Abs wins with a variation on a pumphandle slam. Of note were the seven guys up in the arena, all dressed like the Mean Street Posse, holding signs that spelled out "PETE GAS". And it's time for RAW! JR and Lawler make their entrances to good pops, then the intro and pyro. The Acolytes are out first for an interview: Bradshaw: "...Last night on Heat you have no idea what you started!" Faarooq: "You talk about this Armageddon and the world coming to an end. Well, the world might come to and end but so are both of your asses!" And Hardcore Holly's out again! What, he didn't get enough sense beaten into him already? "Well, well well. Consider this your unlucky night, because y'see the boys ain't here yet but the leader of the superheavyweights is, and that's me! So what do you want to do? Well, what do want to do boys, 'cause I ain't got all night." Bradshaw: "All right Hardcore, which one of us do you want to hand you your Alabama ass?" (woooo! sez the crowd) Holly: "Which one? Which one? Hey, I'm the Big Shot. I'm here to take on BOTH your asses! So, you gonna put up or shut up?" So of course the Acolytes hand him his ass on a platter, culminating with TWO double powerbombs. Holly is left flat out. Edge defeats Gangrel in a Bloodbath match. I have to say that Gangrel's entrance is really cool to see in person. Back and forth match, both guys getting in good moves. Gangrel eventually brings in a chair to use on Edge, but Edge delivers a spinning heel kick to the chair as well as Gangrel's head. But Gengrel uses the chair to block Edge's spear. Gangrel went out to get the bucket o' blood (sorry, "red liquid") to win the match, but the lights go out! Usual confusion ensues and when they come back up, Gangrel is the recipient! Christian makes the save on behalf of Edge. Edge and Christian embrace while Gangrel skulks off, covered in red. What you never see on air is the mop brigade cleaning up the mess... Shane McMahon is out next to deliver the first post-Vince interview. Naturally a strong "asshole" chant fires up. He is alone, no Corporate Ministry with him. Shane sounds like he's eulogizing Vince, saying in part that when he watched Vince on RAW last week, he watched: "...a man of unquestionable character, and a man with balls the size of grapefruits. I was watching a man live up to his guarantee, and his guarantee was that he walked off of his own show. The very show produced by his own company, never ever to be seen on television again. I was at home sitting on the edge of my couch praying, hoping that all the fans in attendance, all the millions at home would pay Vince the proper respect because he is the father of the World Wrestling Federation! Vince McMahon was deserving of a farewell party such as that of Wayne Gretzky! Vince McMahon should have recieved a farewell greater than Michael Jordan! But instead, what did all of you do? You all mocked him with a little saying developed by Stone Cold Steve Austin and delivered by Jim Ross. Jim, you and have a little payback later on. But wait, Jimbo, how'd that little chant go again? 'Na na na na, na na na na, oh hell yeah...' The crowd finishes for him. "All of us are indebted to Vincent K. McMahon in one form or another. You see, Vince McMahon made the World Wrestling Federation into what it is today, and that is the greatest brand built in the entertainment industry! The WWF is the best-built brand in the entertainment industry! The WWF is more recognizable than Mickey Mouse and Walt Disney! The WWF is more recognizable than Bugs Bunny and Time/Warner! You see, without Vincent K. McMahon there would be none of us here this evening! None of us would ever be able to experience even this very show. We would never be able to buy a t-shirt; we would never ever have the experience of watching pay-per-view. You see without Vincent K. McMahon there would be no Stone Cold Steve Austin. There would be no Rock! There would be no Undertaker, no Big Show, no Triple H, no Chyna, no Kane, no X-P-A-C, no Road Dogg, no Mr. Ass, and the list continues to go on and on. Hell, without Vincent K. McMahon there would not even be (southern drawl) Ted Turner's 'Dubyah-Cee-Dubyah' rasslin'!" I missed the next few sentences because the crowd was pouring the heat on Shane and the others who have joined him now. "But we are all indebted to Vincent K. McMahon so what's gonna happen now? What's gonna happen now that the head of the Corporation has been severed? ...Triple H has guaranteed me that at Summerslam it will be Stone Cold Steve Austin himself that will jump out of his own body and watch as Triple H pins Stone Cold's shoulders to the mat '1-2-3' and then Stone Cold will continue that out-of-body experience as he watches Triple H leave this very ring at Summerslam the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion! And you all know big guarantees are in my family, and I very confident that Triple H will deliver on his! And now, as it relates to the Corporate Ministry well gentlemen, guess what! I am now putting you all on hiatus..." Big Austin chant from the crowd. "The entire Corporate Ministry is now free to do whatever they want to whomever they want, until I deem it necessary to bring everynody back together so let the games begin! We're gonna let this entire volcano of chaos erupt and let's just find out what happens! Because you see in the meantime I'm focussing my attention on one individual and one individual only and that is you, Test! Test, I know you're back there, I know you can hear me you big jacked-up scumbag! And I guess you haven't heard my warnings. So let me make it perfectly clear to you, Test. I need to do a little bit of a better job, as a matter of fact myself and the Posse will make sure that you never ever forget the name Shane McMahon. So Test, stay away from my sister!" Test is out now at the top of the ramp. "Shane-o, Shane-o, Shane-o. I told you once to stay out of our business, but you didn't want to listen. So now maybe you and those three former Gap employees are MY business. It started last week with fatass Pete Gas and it's going to keep going with Rodney and Joey Abs until it's just me and you! And Shane, when I get my hands on you I'm gonna take that silver spoon out of your mouth and stick it straight up your ass!" Test leaves, no doubt so the camera can focus on Shane's response. Jeff Jarrett vs D-Lo Brown in a title vs title match. Whoever wins this gets both the Intercontinental and European titles. Jeff Jarrett's out first; Debra has a new outfit, but the same old Puppies. Crowd reacts like the salivating animals they are. A pretty solid match, Jarrett concentrating on the left arm. Debra of course has to interfere, bringing in both title belts and laying them at D-lo's feet. But before Jarrett can take advantage of the distraction D-lo picks up one of them and clocks Jarrett! D-lo gets the pin and both title belts! Jarrett argues with Debra over the loss, and I bet we haven't seen the last of this. Undertaker & Big Show defeat Road Dogg & Kane. UT & BS are out first, then Road Dogg's entrance gets a big pop. He says that he must be crazy to come out alone but he's mean, wears neon green, and he's got the Big... (RED MACHINE, the crowd responds). Kane's out now, and the crowd is going absolutely berserk. This is the biggest response any match has gotten thus far tonight. Not a bad match for three big guys and the Dogg. Chair shots end up being the deciding factor in Undie's favor, and Road Dogg gets pinned while Kane is out of the ring. The Acolytes make their way down to further muddle things, but Bob Holly's out with a baseball bat, whacking each of the Acolytes on the knee to stop them. Mr. Ass & Chyna (in a quite fetching leather hat) are out next. Mr. Ass, mercifully, is not wearing those see-thru trunks. Mr. Ass is out to talk about: "...The perfect ass versus the People's Ass. And you know who I'm talking about." The crod does, starting a 'Rocky' chant. "My ass is everything he wishes his was: beautiful, elegant, and well-manicured. Don't believe me? Well, I've got proof. You see, earlier today I caught the Rock stepping out of the shower and I took a picture of the People's Ass so the MILLIONS and MILLIONS of the Rock's fans could check it out!" The Titan Tron shows a close-up of an incredibly huge fat ass walking in slow-motion. Crowd is suitably disgusted and amused. "Now, you can cheer that, or you can kiss my royal ass!" Now the Rock is on the TitanTron! "Hey, hey you jabronis! Finally, the Rock HAS COME BACK TO COLUMBUS! You think you're smart by going out there and putting a picture up on the TitanTron? Well the entire world knows that's not the Great One. But the Rock says he's gonna let the cat out of the bag and he's gonna let the truth be told, for that is video footage, not of the Rock, but of your FAT ASS MAMA! And the Rock says... he's gonna take one can of Diet Coke, he's gonna take one feminine napkin for you, and he's gonna take both of those items, turn them sideways and stick them STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS! You want to talk about Summerslam, well here's the situation. The Rock says this: if the Rock hits you, he'll kill you. If he misses, the wind behind the punch will give you pneumonia and you'll die anyway so the choice is yours!" The crowd is just eating this up; it's hilarious. "So Mr. Ass, as you stand in the middle of the People's Ring with drops of tears rolling down your cheek, and drops of piss rolling down your leg... as you stand surrounded by the millions--" "AND MILLIONS!" scream the fans, "--of the Rock's fans you now realize that the Rock is the People's Champ and that the Rock is without a doubt the MOST ELECTRIFYING figure in sports entertainment today. That's the way it goes, Jabroni. If YA SMEEEELLLLL--" etc., etc. He didn't even have to come out on stage; this was all on the TitanTron and the crowd just loved it. Mr. Ass and Chyna are left to look shocked, and leave. Mr. Ass teases, then finally partially exposes his nasty ass on the way back up the ramp. Big Boss Man defeats Viscera in a Hardcore title match. Huh? Where's Al Snow? I felt sure that he'd win it back tonight in his home state. He signed autographs at a local water park today (at least he was scheduled to) so I don't know why it didn't go down the way I wanted. Pretty stale match, with one table smashed by Viscera and various pipe shots by the Boss Man. Enh. A throwaway match, and not terribly good. Why Viscera? Is there any heat between these two? What happened to Al? Austin's out now! Crowd just lifts the roof off the arena. It looks like this will lead out of a commercial break. Usual posing by Stone Cold, then an interview: "I'm sitting there back in the back, and all I can hear is Triple H sitting up in this commentary spot talkin' all the trash that he's got Stone Cold Steve Austin's number at Summerslam. That's the biggest bunch of BS I ever heard in my life! Because you can sit at your little house and study all the little books you want to because you say that you know me like the back of your hand. So let me tell you this. You can show up at Summerslam with a PhD in your back pocket when it comes to Stone Cold Steve Austin. You can be the smartest sonuvabitch in the world when you get in this ring but the bottom line I'm gonna whip your ass and that's all I got to say about that!" Undertaker and the Big Show are out now. Taker has the mike: "We all know you talk the talk. Now we're gonna find out if you walk the walk. Because in one minute if you don't give me my return title shot that I so duly deserve we are gonna stomp-what do you say?-a mudhole in your ass!" But they don't wait a minute; they stomp away on him then and there, and leave him laying in the ring. I found it interesting to watch Stone Cold get up and walk out selling his pounding. You never see it on TV so it was weird to watch him "recover" and get up in front of the subdued crowd. Test defeats Rodney (w/Joey Abs). Test out first, then Joey Abs and Rodney come out to lay a hurtin' on Test. Joey Abs leaves, which is a huge mistake because Test just throws him around like a rag doll; really abuses him. It ends with chair-assisted arm stomps on poor Rodney. Steve Blackman vs Val Venis. Blackman(woohoo!) is out, and TALKS! He explains that he didn't mean to hit Ken Shamrock with the car; he didn't even know Ken was there, and rolls the footage again. He explains that he doesn't need a car--only his hands and his feet. Enter Val, with the requisite Big Valbowski comparison: "Y'know something ladies, the Big Valbowski and the internet have a lot in common. You know, we're both easy to get on, we both come in many different languages. The only difference is when you're through downloading the Big Valbowski you may walk funny, but you will walk away virus-free!" Damn, he's getting better. Match is pretty pointless because Ken Shamrock is out to chase Blackman away with a chain, and catches him near the corner of the arena, blasting away with the chain-wrapped fist. Blackman escapes into the bowels of the Schott, and even makes crawling away through a door look cool. Main event: Anything Goes match between Austin and the Undertaker, for the title. UT and the Show enter first and spend a few minutes pacing and glowering in the ring. I guess they entered before a commercial break. Then Austin's out but Triple H is out too! He gets the stick: "Shut up! This ain't about you, dead man! In case you haven't been paying attention around here, I'm the #1 contender! That means if you want him, you have to gonna have to go through me! This is my time, and you're on it! Now somebody's gonna kick his ass and take his belt, but it's not gonna be you--it's gonna be me! I wanna kick this sonuvabitch's ass--" but he can't finish because the brawl is on! The Acolytes join in, Kane comes in, Road Dogg, BOB FREAKIN' HOLLY, Mr. Ass, and the Rock! All the combatants except Triple H and Stone Cold end up pairing off and brawling to the back. Lots of fighting all over the ring including the inevitable stunner. Stone Cold lays out Triple H on the announce table and jumps on him from the ring apron. Ought to come off real good on TV next week. Stone Cold hits the Stunner on Triple H again, presumably for the win, and stunners the Big Show after he tries to interfere. Stone Cold celebrates as he always does, but it seemed with less beer than usual. Triple H and Big Show brawl to the back, probably off air. End of show, good night and thank you! RAW will be back Monday, October 18 and I sure as hell plan to go back... can't wait for my photos to be developed. Jeff Tatarek Mail the Author |
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