From: kzim@ucrmath.ucr.edu (christopher zimmerman)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Subject: WWF Monday Night Raw - 15/3/93
Keywords: Never use smilies.  It gives people the wrong impression.
Message-ID: <27541@galaxy.ucr.edu>
Date: 16 Mar 93 21:59:11 GMT
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Before I give you the report, I feel I have to stick up for the Hack-Man.
I believe when he said Canada was a third-world country, he was making
reference to the fact that Canada does not get broadcasts of Monday Night
Raw.

WWF Monday Night Raw, shown 15.3.93, "live" from the Mid-Hudson Civic Centre
in Poughkeepsie, New York.  

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon, Bobby Heenan, and Vince McMahon, who looks
suspiciously like Rob Bartlett.  Vince is receiving Leukemia, check that, a
Leukemia award, presented to him by Hulk Hogan.  No explanation for Savage's
absence.

Lots of snow shots, just to show you how live it is.

Rrazor Rramon v. Russ (formerly Ross) Greenberg.  Ramon does not come out in
a wheelchair.  The crowd absolutely LOVES this man for some reason.  On
Greenberg:  Monsoon: "He's no Bob Backlund!"  Heenan:  "Yeah, Greenberg's
younger."  We get the standard drop and razor's edge, so apparently the
rumours of injury are quite premature.

So far Bartlett hasn't been funny.  I'm not holding my breath waiting.
Bartlett's impersonation mainly deals with saying "RAW" in that gravelly
voice, and mumbling incoherently, very quickly, and saying "I don't know
about that" a lot.  Heenan making fun of Vince, howver, is hysterical.

The Macho Man and the Reverend Jesse Jackson (now there's a cute couple) wax
eloquent regarding the Headlock on Hunger.  Jackson manages to keep a
straight face throughout.

Typhoon v. L.A. Gore (who isn't Bam Bam Bigelow)  Heenan: "The ring girl's
lost 170 pounds!" (It was a different girl.)  No explanation for Bigelow's
absence either.

Promos:  ICOPRO (Hart), WWF Figures (Bulldog?), "The Flintstones" trading
cards

Bobby Heenan interviews the Giant Gonzales, or rather Harvey Wippleman.  For
those of you who keep track of such things, Gonzales demolished Jim Powers
on "All American Wrestling" last Sunday (wotta surprise) while exhibiting NO
wrestling skill (wotta surprise).  Crowd cheers at the mere mention of the
Undertaker, and Gonzales raises his arms as if they're cheering him.
Wippleman calls Paul Bearer "fat" and "goofy" and if he doesn't watch out,
it'll become a tag match, so help me.  And yes, Wippleman does predict a
swift victory for his man.  Gonzales uses a whopping EIGHT words this time.

New WrestleMania ad focuses almost exclusively on You Know Who's return to
the ring (No, not Beefcake), completely overshadowing the title match.

Bob Backlund v. Papa Shango  Quick prediction:  Shango gets DQ'd after
shooting sparks from the voodoo stick.  Shango doesn't shake Backlund's
hand.  Backlund is too quick for Shango.  I think we'll start calling that
move the Opie shuffle.  Backlund with single leg takedowns, whoopee.
Gorilla and Bobby both flirt with knocking Vince out.  Test of strength, Bob
loses.  Shango adds kicks.  Backlund twists around and, after asking the
crowd, elbows Shango.  You know if this match were in Manhattan, Backlund
would be booed outta there.  Shango catches Backlund in midair and hits a
backbreaker.  Backlund whipped into the corner.  Chokehold, first with the
forearm, then with the foot, then with a ring rope.  Bob looks unhappy and
falls out of the ring.  Shango uses the ring apron on Bob's back.  Shango
throws him back in.  Headbutt to the groin.  Reverse chinlock.  Finally,
Monsoon yells to Vince "STOP!!!!!!"  Backlund tosses him, then holds his own
head.  Shango gets up and drops repeated elbows, then taunts him.
Resumption of reverse chinlock, this time using the ropes for "leverage."
The referee, "Blind" Don't Know His Name, doesn't notice.  The arm falls
twice, and Backlund picks up his arm before the ref can pick it up again.
Confused, the ref decides that can break the count.  Backlund pumps the arm
as if to suggest he didn't screw up on the arm thing.  Shango with knee to
the gut, powerslam but only 2 count.  Shango with kick, and out of nowhere
Backlund hits the small package for 3.  PUH LEEZE.

Mean Gene Okerlund with the WrestleMania IX report, sponsored by ICOPRO,
"more than simple pills and powders..."  It's three weeks away, you know.
The announcing team will be Monsoon, Heenan, and Savage.  Hart/Yokozuna.
Let us take you back to last week's "Superstars," where at Raymond Rougeau's
behest, Yokozuna destroys a jobber.  Megamaskedultimatemaniacs/Money.
DiBiase prefers to refer to them as the "Megaidiots," while IRS favours
"Megamorons" and promises an armour-piercing briefcase.
Undertaker/Gonzales.  Bad Bearer/Undertaker interview.  Perfect/Luger.
Although still hyping tix sales on the LA syndies, Gene-o is pushing the PPV
on Raw.

WWF Mania ad.

Nice Boys v. Headshrinkers  Nobbs and Sags take turns kissing the (fat) raw
girl.  Conspicuous by his absence is Afa, mentioned by the commentators.
Mention of the Nasties stepping aside for the Megamaniacs match.  Mmmm hmm.
Both teams take turns working the crowd.  Samu is vicious and quick in
attacking Nobbs, but Nobbs soon turns it around with a clothesline.  Tag,
double team by Nasties.  Fatu comes in to help, and Sags takes out both of
them.  2 count, Fatu pulls Sags off of Samu.  Fatu with headbutt, Sags with
reversal and slam.  Tag, Nobbs with elbows, wristlock, tag to Sags, who
knaws on the bicep.  As Sags is hit from behind coming off the ropes, we
take an ad break.  When we come back, Sags is still getting worked over by
Fatu and is quickly thrown out of the ring again.  While "Blind" Danny Davis
tries to regain order, Samu slams Sags on the outside (on that hard, hard
mat).  Thrown back in, tag to Samu, double head butt.  Slam.  Samu climbs to
the top, but takes too long and head butts the ring.  Tag on both sides, and
Nobbs is a house on fire.  Nobbs tries to head butt the Headshrinkers (he
didn't do his homework!) and the 'shrinkers promtly head butt him back.
Somehow, all four men end up out of the ring and at the "hot dogs & popcorn"
table.  I can't do justice to the hot dogs, popcorn, buckets, chairs,
mustard and ketchup squeeze bottles, and what all fracas that ensues.  I'm
pretty sure that Davis counted all four men out.

Sean Mooney narrates a WWF and charity piece.  See?  They're not such bad
guys after all!  At the end, we see a picture of Vince with the caption
"Vince McMahon, President/CEO TitanSports/World Wrestling Federation."  Gee,
what happened to Jack Tunney?  I'm sure CONFUSED.

Promos:  GI Joe, Slim Jim (Savage), WWF game carts

Next week:  Back in Manhattan, and live.  Money, Limited in action.  Kamala
vs. Doink, Tatanka vs. Repo Man, and Bushwhackers in action.  Also, Vince
and Savage back.  Yay.

Well, Bartlett blew it.  Not once did he do the "1, 2, 3!  He got him!  He
got him!  He...no."

Christopher Robin Zimmerman, the RAW guy