From: zimmerma@ucrengr.ucr.edu (Christopher Robin Zimmerman)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Subject: WWF Monday Night Raw - 26/4/93
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Date: 27 Apr 93 23:47:43 GMT
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WWF Monday Night Raw, shown "live" from the Manhattan Civic Centre 26.4.93
on the USA Network.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, the Macho Man Randy Savage, and Bobby the
Brain Heenan, who gives the impression that Rambling Rob Bartlett has been
given a permanent holiday.

Mr. Perfect v. Damien DeFreshMaker - Lockup, running around, dropkick by
Perfect.  'Mentos consults with his friend the Voice before reentering the
ring.  'Mentos with devious elbow, devious pounding.  But of course he puts
his head down and gets kneed for his efforts.  Perfect gets thrown out by
the tights, landing on the cameraman (ouch, that had to hurt).  'Mentos
brings him back in, and sends him for the ride.  Claws to the face, and
Perfect is thrown out of the ring yet again.  Back in, Perfect gets one
punch, but 'Mentos stays on him.  Suddenly, they are trading chops.
Suddenly, only Perfect is chopping.  Boot to the head, kneelift, that neat
move where Perfect snaps the other guy's head.  DeMento comes back briefly,
but lands on Perfect's knees, and so the Perfectplex.

A guy behind Savage has signs reading "Doing it with Flair" and "Howard
Stern Rules."

Jasmine McNeill reads a poem about drugs (which are bad).  Suddenly, the
Undertaker appears from nowhere and eats here.  No, wait...

Heenan hypes up a marriage proposal that will take place later in the show.
Great, we haven't had enough non-wrestling stuff so far.

(Purple) Crush v. The Narcissist Lex Luger - Apparently, Crush has gone back
to the rotating outfits.  During Luger's 15 minute entrance, we get many
looks at the X-rays, the steel plate, the screws, etc, etc, etc.  During
this, there's a pretty funny exchange:

VM: How'd you get to be on Raw anyway?
BH: I'm the host now, you know.
RS: Three reasons:  attorneys, attorneys, attorneys.
VM: My favourite people.

It's little in-jokes like this that make RAW so much fun.  Oh, the
wrestling's ok too.  Finally, we have an exciting test of strength.
Somehow, Crush appears to be winning (so much for the mighty strength of
Luger).  So Luger kicks Crush in the gut.  Down goes Crush, up (slowly) goes
Crush.  Before Luger can kick him again, Crush strikes first with a kick of
his own.  Crush with the half hour bench press, which is almost fairly
impressive.  Body slam, and Luger is hot, rolling out of the ring and
running almost back to the curtain.  Amazingly, he is not counted out and
eventually returns to the ring.  Both men, you know, are proponents of
Integrated Conditioning Programs.  Crush with dropkick and takedown.  Now
that there's something actually happening, it's time to take an ad break.
This whole time the marriage proposal is being hyped.  When we come back,
Crush hits a belly to belly suplex for 2.  Luger jumps out of the corner,
and Crush runs into it.  Luger with knee in the back and out goes Crush.
Luger, out of the ring himself, pounds the back, and drives Crush's back
into the apron (what power!) and they're both back in.  Luger alternates
between pounding Crush and posing for the crowd.  All this time we're left
wondering why he doesn't just finish him off with the elbow.  Luger with
bearhug, which is deemed a smart move because Crush's back must really hurt.
Crush escapes, but runs into a powerslam.  2 count.  Crush blocks the suplex
attempt (like Luger could lift him) with a suplex of his own.  Luger tries
the suplex again, but Crush turns it into a backdrop.  Crush with bodyslam
and leg drop (!) but only 2.  So he goes to the head compactor.  Luger
lifted and dropped, Luger amazingly gets up, so Crush picks him up and drops
him again.  Just as Luger loses consciousness, who should appear in the
balcony but Doink (The Clown).  Completely distracted, Crush asks the Clown
to come into the ring.  Just before Luger clocks Crush with the forearm from
behind, the camera pans over to Doink II.  Luckily, it only takes one Doink
to distract the Hawaiian.  Out cold, Crush falls out of the ring and the
countout is 10 away.  Heenan (imitating Crush): "Referee, help me...help me
back!  The Narcissist was too much for me!"

King of the Ring ad.  The first qualifiers are this weekend  Mr. Perfect vs.
a Doink on Superstars, Bob Backlund vs. Lex Luger on Challenge.

Promos:  ICOPRO (Tatanka), WWF Figures (Bulldog?), GI Jow

Mr. Hughes v. Jason Knight - Savage has two words for the soon-to-be-engaged
couple (coming up later in the show!): "Pre Nuptual."  Apparently, lots of
managers want to manage Mr. Hughes (who is not called Curtis by McMahon this
week).  Let's see, I can think of a whopping two managers in the WWF who
would qualify.  Unfortunately, we don't get to see his technique, because
the camera is on Heenan, who is changing channels on the monitors.  We see a
Braves game (on TBS?), Sir Mix-a-Lot (Heenan can't identify him,
apparently), TNT, VH1, CNBC...is this legal?  Anyway, I think Hughes wins.

Billy and Bart Gun (they'll probably have some goofy spelling like Gunn) are
the Smoking Guns, and they're coming to the WWF, yeah, brother, yee-haw.
Boy, can they ride those horses.

Vince McMahon interviews Shawn Michaels.  Next week, he'll defend the title
against Hacksaw Jim Duggan for the re-retooled belt (how many colors of
leather can Michaels find?).  Vince wants to know how he could do something
like that, what with Perfect breathing down his neck and all.  Michaels puts
down New York.  Michaels ad-libs, implying that some of the fans at ringside
took part in the Gay March on Washington.  This backfires in a big way, and
the "Shawn is Gay" chant is defeaning.  (Heenan spins it into "Shawn is
great.")  We miss out on the Duggan comments.  In fact, the time is so short
that Michaels can't even answer the Perfect question before Perfect comes
out.  A semi full of WWF officials is a spotty buffer, as Michaels
approaches Perfect with a kick in the head.  Perfect gets through and the
chase is on.

Crowd shot of Howard Cross and Joey Smith.  Apparently they are New York
Giants.

Let us take you back to WWF Superstars.  Sensational Sherri interrupts Bam
Bam Bigelow's interview before it starts and talks about Luna Vachon.
Bigelow takes exception to this.  Luckily, Tatanka is nearby to save the
day.  Unluckily, he is stopped later in the show before his match, where
Bigelow knocks him out and (haha) scalps him with a convenient pair of
scissors.  This whole time the Manhattan crowd is chanting something to the
raw girl, I think it was "No breasts" but I'm sure I'm wrong.  It sure made
it hard to hear the other footage though.

Typhoon v. Von Krus - I guess he's still here after all.  Goody.  Vince
keeps mispronouncing it as "Von Krush."  Luckily, Hacksaw is on the phone to
keep us from watching the match.  Duggan promises to be the intercontinental
champion.  Duggan says "Tough guy" about a MILLION times.  Oh yeah, the
match.  One Nazi souffle to go, please.  Heenan grabs a mic.

Heenan interviews Paul Sosnowski, who finally proposes to Louise.  She says
yes, thank God.  See?  Bobby isn't such a bad guy after all, although he
tries to get them to have the wedding on RAW.  

Next week:  Kamala in action, Headshrinkers in action, Duggan/Michaels for
the IC title.

Promos:  GI Joe (again), Slim Jim (Savage), "Incredible Crash Dummies" carts

Back to the couple.  They still won't get married on RAW.  Good choice.

Christopher Robin Zimmerman, that RAW guy - seven months of USA in the Archives
  / zimmerma@ucrengr.ucr.edu / kzim@ucrmath.ucr.edu / kzim@watserv.ucr.edu /