One Year Ago This Week: Before the live show of 18.1.93 even gets underway, the Repo Man jumps Randy Savage and steals his hat. Mr. Perfect defeats Terrific Terry Taylor instead of Papa Shango, who is rumoured to be injured and almost gone. Marty Jannetty wins in a squash. Rerun of Crush going down at the hands of Doink's lead-filled prosthesis. Ric Flair and Tito Santana have no decision after Mr. Perfect comes out and disrupts everything. Flair challenges Perfect to a loser leaves the WWF match for next week, and he accepts. WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you from the Richmond Colesium in Richmond, VA 17.1.94 (but taped 10.1) and broadcast on the USA Network. Let us take you back to last week and highlights of the exciting tag team title match, resulting in new champions. Why yes, the opening credits ARE over a year old. Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Crush, who provide all commentary. Via phone from MSG, your roving reporter Stan Lane will provide news of the tag team title rematch between the "1-2-3" Kid & Marty Janetty and Les Quebecois. The Rocket Owen Hart v. Terry Austin - Unfortunately for us, Vince is drowned out by the crowd noise. You'd have thought that with a week to dub in some commentary, they'd have done a better job. Of course, Owen walks to ringside accompanied by his brother, Bret the Hitman. Crush compliments Owen over and over, which should give you some sort of hint. Crush also promises not to interfere in tonight's Savage/IRS matchup, saying "I'm a professional, not a hothead like the Macho Man." Vince tells us that last week's Monday Night RAW scored the highest ratings ever. In his first report of the evening, Stan Lane reports that the tag team champions have "fire in their eyes," even if they haven't started wrestling yet. If you've noticed, I haven't included any detail of this match, which should tell you how exciting it is. Owen wins with the Sharpshooter, and afterwards Vince gets up to interview the Harts. Vince asks Owen to pick a favorite at MSG, and he says that he "kinda hopes" the Quebecers are the champions. Vince asks Bret and *he* supports the current champs and refuses to ever root for the Quebecers, understanding that they'll probably get a title shot in the near future... The WWF: Unbelievable! Don't fall for cheap imitations. Vince hypes the Rumble Royale Hotline. This year Stan Lane will be behind the curtain interviewing the superstars just before they enter the ring...oo! Where's my piggy bank? Tatanka v. George South - Well, I STILL can't hear Vince. Apparently, South's big move is sticking his tongue out at the crowd. Crush thinks the WWF has a bunch of no-brain wrestlers, what with all those guys taking part in a big match just minutes before the Rumble, including Tatanka and Ludvig B0rga. Stan tells us that the title match has begun and the champs are unleashing a barrage of offensive manoeuvres. Vince tells us we'll be able to see some of the drawing "live" on WWF Mania this Saturday. Alundra Blayze (note correct spelling) spiel. How come she doesn't wear makeup when she's pumping iron? Obligatory swimsuit pose, still not as T&A as I would've liked. (I'm KIDDING!) (Maybe.) Promos: ICOPRO (Ramon), Slim Jim (Savage), Street Fighter 2: Special Champion Edition Sega carts Vince interviews Yokozuna and Mr. Fuji (Crush calls 'Zima "my good friend"). Jim Cornette is at a big press conference in Tokyo. So why is the American guy in Japan, and the Japanese guy...oh, never mind. Vince gratuitously drops the word "casket." Fortunately, before Fuji can talk too much, the bell tolls and out comes Paul Bearer with the new casket. Crush, amazingly, keeps talking throughout this entire spiel, and not impressing me one bit. Fuji decides that a good way for Yokozuna to deal with the casket is to squash it. Of course, we all know that the Undertaker is inside it. Hoo hah. Geez, Cornette's interview over the weekend was light years better. Hype for next week's big match: The Harts vs. The Head Shrinkers. Since we already know this match has been taped, can we figure out who has the tag team belts after the Rumble Royale? Diesel v. Scott Powers (no relation) - Thank goodness, we can hear Vince now. Vince lumps Crush with Tenryu and Kabuki. Crush promises to throw out Luger along with everyone else. Vince asks what a Crush/Yokozuna matchup would be like. Crush says he'd consider it an honor to face his good friend Crush, obviously forgetting that it's happened before. Crush mentions he's been in the Rumble before, again, obviously forgetting he was a member of Demolition then. Stan Lane with another report: he can't believe Johnny Polo got away with everything he got away with: The Quebecers have won back the tag team championship belts. Anyway, Shawn Michaels is present at ringside with Diesel, which should play up the eventual face turn after the Rumble. Diesel finally wins after dropping the elbow. Todd Pettengill with YOUR RRR. This report is brought to you by the RR program. Get your copy today! Spot the errors! It's the most exciting night of the year in the WWF, you know. That main event IS a casket match; one shot only for the Undertaker as he faces WWF Champion Yokozuna. The tag team championship match is back on with the Harts and the Quebecers. Intercontinental champion Razor Ramon takes on Irwin R. Schyster. Tatanka takes on Ludvig B0rga for no apparent reason. And yes, the big 30 man over the top rope head to head no friends only foes battle for the title shot at WrestleMania X. Who's in it, you ask? Here's that list, for the last time (whew!): Crush, Kamala, Owen Hart, Mabel, Scott Steiner, Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Adam Bomb, Bam Bam Bigelow, Randy Savage, "1-2-3" Kid, Fatu, Samu, Bret Hart, Rick Steiner, Bob Backlund, Greg Valentine, Billy Gunn, Bart Gunn, Rick Martel, Bastion Booger, Marty Jannetty, Doink, Jeff Jarrett, Tatanka, Ludvig B0rga, Tenryu, Kabuki, and Lex Luger. This Saturday's WWF Mania will be live from Providence, and you'll see some of these folks choose their numbers. Let us take you back to last week's cake fracas. Promos: Rage in the Cage Sega CD, Bicycle Playing Cards, Spiderman + X-Men Sega carts The Macho Man v. Ad Break - As Vince calls Savage the Joe Montana of the WWF and as Savage threatens Crush, we take that ad break. Yeah, like Savage is really gonna fly from the top rope and splash the commentators. Well, it WOULD gain him some respect from me. We miss out on Schyster's speech, of course. They go right at it. Schyster gets the upper hand quickly. Savage is driven into the buckle. Irwin drops the elbow. Shoulderblock. Crush: "I HATE the Macho Man!" Schyster takes Savage out and gives Crush a thumbs up. Savage meets the apron, then the STEEL steps (or is it his briefcase on those steps?) Then Schyster straightens his tie. Savage grabs a chair and comes back. Before he can get to Crush, or Irwin, or whatever, referee "Blind" Dave Hebner wrests it from him. Everyone back in the ring, and Savage delivers an atomic drop and a couple clotheslines. Irwin's out and we'll take an ad break. When we come back, Irwin is dropping Savage on the retaining barrier, just like Crush did. This time, Savage didn't bite his tongue. Savage is pulled back in by the lack of hair. Suplex into the ring. Slow cover for only 2. Boring sleeper that doesn't work. Schyster goes back to pounding. Legdrop for 2. Savage attempts a small package, for 2. Schyster resumes the sleeper, Savage backs him hard into the turnbuckle. Savage whips IRS into the turnbuckle, but Schyster backs away and Savage slams the corner. 2 count for IRS. Again he tries the sleeper. Savage manages to throw Irwin out, by the tights. Savage with axehandle from the apron to the floor.Savage punches Irwin then goes for Crush and actually gets a shot on him before Hebner and IRS get to him. Showing great presence of mind, Crush stays put, although he is standing now. Irwin drags the Macho Man back into the ring before we take another a last ad break. When we come back, Schyster has Savage in an abdominal stretch and is getting some leverage with that rope. Irwin goes outside, but Savage comes to and brings him back in the hard way. Savage climbs to the top, but Irwin punches him instead. Schyster with headlock, Savage gets a foot on the ropes. Bodyslam by Irwin. Irwin goes outside again, and this time actually makes the leap, but lands on Savage's boot. 2 count for Savage. Savage drops Schyster's neck on the top rope. Bodyslam by Savage. Savage climbs the top rope, but Crush has had enough. He pushed Savage off the turnbuckle and goes after him. Crush and Schyster double team Savage. Crush throws Hebner!!!! Bill Alphonse comes out but helps out Hebner instead of breaking it up. Tatanka comes out to help and goes down. Out comes Yokozuna. I guess this is a mini Royal Rumble, 'cause the Narcissist has come out. Who's next? Yep, there's Shawn Michaels, and Diesel. Even Vince is calling it a mini-Royal Rumble. Bret Hart comes out (big crowd pop). Hart destroys everybody as we fade out. The Royal Rumble is Saturday!! Get excited!! Christopher Robin Zimmerman, that RAW guy kzim@ucr.edu / "He's got guts...but I hate his guts." - Crush