From: kzim@galaxy.ucr.edu (christopher zimmerman)
Newsgroups: rec.sport.pro-wrestling
Subject: WWF Monday Night RAW - 31/1/94
Date: 2 Feb 1994 11:59:17 -0800
Organization: University of California, Riverside
Lines: 151
Message-ID: <2ip0ml$8p2@galaxy.ucr.edu>
NNTP-Posting-Host: galaxy.ucr.edu

Gee, I'm disappointed.  Only 20 "Can someone post the results of raw"
articles.

One Year Ago, on RAW:  The live show of 1.2.93 starts with a happy recap of
the Headlock on Hunger event.  Tatanka defeats Damien DeMento.  Brutus
Beefcake makes his return with a story that would make fifteen country
ballads, and signs the open contract.  After a coin toss (what a
coincidence!), Ted DiBiase takes the opposing side, as Jimmy Hart voices
concern about either member of his tag team Champions facing a returning
Barber.  Meanwhile, Doink gives Typhoon a wedgie to pin him, High Energy
wins in a squash, Yokozuna wins a squash while Duggan, via phone, promises a
victory for the good ol' USA.  Andre the Giant is eulogized, and the
Narcissist wins his first match even though a fat RAW girl ruins his posing
routine.

WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you "live" from the Fernwood Resort in
Bushkill, PA 31.1.93 and broadcast on the USA Network

Hype for tonight's main event--a coin toss.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Irwin R. Schyster.  Irwin tries to be
funny, yet live, making a Buffalo Bill joke, then a Publishers Clearing
House Sweepstakes joke.  OK, OK, it's live, leave us alone.

Martyr Jannetty v. Johnny Polo - Jannetty is accompanied to the ring by the
original opponent, the 1-2-3 Kid, who is on crutches.  Lucky us, we get to
see this exciting matchup again.  The Kid joins the commentators at
ringside.  Example of the Kid's commentary: "Let's just get to the action at
ringside, I.R.S."  Polo grabs the mic and tells us that the Kid is afraid,
not injured.  For an encore reminds us that he destroyed Jannetty a month
ago, and then tells Jannetty "you stink."  Jannetty takes the mic, but
doesn't get a word in.  Polo rushes him and Jannetty clotheslines him with
the cord.  Then he hogties Polo with the cord.  Polo does the rodeo cow bit.
Polo manages to poke Marty's eyes and untie one leg.  He gets up, and Marty
yanks the cord and Polo falls over again.  Polo frees himself and leaves.
Jannetty follows and brings him back.  Vince had mentioned that this is the
first time a mic cord had been used as a weapon, obviously forgetting the
Sheri/Luna fracas.  Johnny throws Marty out, but he lands on his feet.
Quick high cross body for 2.  Jannetty gets another 2, but Polo puts his
foot on the ropes.  Polo dumps Jannetty outside, and we take an ad break.

When we come back, Polo has Jannetty in a headlock.  Jannetty powers out.
Some sort of completely flubbed move.  Jannetty is outside the ring again,
and Polo follows with an axehandle to the floor. They trade blows and go
back in.  Polo with axehandle off the second rope.  Polo with cool dance.  2
count.  Resume headlock.  This Saturday, the Quebecers will take on the
Steiners in a 10 minute, non-title match.  If the Steiners win they get a
title shot.  Hmmm, must be sweeps month.  After a collision, both men are
down.  Polo comes too and gets a 1 count.  Choke by Polo.  Another choke by
Polo.  Polo is desperate.  Jannetty managesa sunset flip for 2.  Polo with a
shot in the head.  Dueling 2 counts.  Polo with that ol' headlock again.
Polo stomps him in the head.  Snapmare.  Polo dallies in climbing the ropes
and meets with a boot on the way down.  Nobody's moving again.  Vince
announces that 57% thought Hart won the Rumble Royale, and 43% thought Luger
won.  Polo is doing the wildman dance, he's gotten his resurgence.  Marty
with 10 heads into the turnbuckles.  Marty places him on the ropes.  As he
climbs, Polo decks him.  Marty falls, but manages to crutch Polo on the top
rope.  Jannetty with atomic drop.  Irish whip into the corner, Polo ducks
out and Jannetty rams his shoulder into the pole.  Polo with bodyslam, knee
to the head.  Jannetty does that move where he puts his knee behind the head
and DDTs him.  1, 2, 3.  IRS displays some righteous indignation, and the
Kid (who has been pretty much slient up until now) turns on *his* acting
ability, displaying some MORE righteous indignation.  Can you see what's
coming?  IRS decks the Kid.  Marty rushes to his aid, and in the ensuing
conflict, the Kid nabs the briefcase and limps away.  Schyster finally
notices, and thinks Jannetty has it.

When we come back, a WWF official is kindly asking IRS to return to the
table.  HE and Vince argue about the briefcase.  Vince plays dumb.  The
crowd is telling him the 1-2-3 Kid took it, but he's not listening.  Irwin
walks toward the curtain, but Razor Ramon's music starts...Jannetty and
Ramon meet Irwin at the curtain.  Ramon is wearing his gold.  They throw the
briefcase back at him.

Promos:  ICOPRO (Ramon), Slim Jim (Savage), Street Fighter 2:  Special
Championship Edition Sega carts

Irwin accuses Jannetty of stealing the contents of his briefcase.  Vince
says that's an admission of theft of Razor's gold.  Somehow we segue into
Jack Tunney with The Decision That Saved WrestleMania.  Tonight, there will
be a coin toss.  The winner will take on the current WWF Champion, and the
loser will face suitable competition.  Then there will be a second title
match, between the WWF Champion and the coin toss loser.  "Suitable
competition" is defined as Crush (for Luger) and Owen Hart (for Bret Hart).
I mean, really.  Crush?  Where'd THAT come from?  Couldn't we have said
Ludvig Borga?  Oh, and there will be some special guest referees.  I guess
this would be a good chance for Hogan to finally pass the baton.  But that
won't happen.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Miguel Rosado - IRS challenges Jannetty for "next week."
Stay tuned.  Crowd chants "We want Doink!"  Bigelow says "You want Doink?
*I* want Doink!"  Vince mentions that this weekend on Challenge, Bam Bam
will take on Doink.  Hmm, must be sweeps month.  Too bad I don't get
Challenge.  

The suits are out (the only one I can recognize is Skaaland, oh and Hebner
of course).  Vince once again runs down that coin toss scenario.  Vince
smugly asks Jack Tunney to show us that the silver dollar has two sides.
Too bad Tunney makes some suspicious hand movements afterwards.  I can't say
for sure that he palmed the dollar and pulled a new one from his sleeve, but
it sure looks suspicious.  Lex and Bret come out (you know, if Tunney was
going to switch coins, couldn't he at least do it while the camera is on the
curtain?)  Luger gets to call the toss (inherent American bias!).  The call
is heads and heads it is.  Lex promises to beat Yokozuna and meet Bret Hart.
Hart says since fate would have it, he'll take on his brother; also, he
could never root for Yokozuna and looks forward to meeting Luger.  They
shake hands.

The WWF:  Unbelievable!  Remember, watching Monday Night RAW is better than
having sex with silicon.

Kwang v. Rich Myers - What good is spitting some orange stuff when the
commentators are busy talking to Owen Hart via telephone?  In fact, you
can't even hear Harvey Wippleman extoll the virtues of his Oriental protege
due to Owen's ranting.  Anyway, Owen continues with his All-American
intereview (which was really pretty good), saying that HE and not Lex Luger
is the big winner in the coin toss.  Once again, Owen tries to drop the
family aspect of this angle, admirably.  Most pointless part of the
interview, for your entertainment:  IRS:  "Tell him, Owen!"  Owen:  "That's
right, IRS!"  Kwang wins with one of them "I'm gonna pose and then give you
a savat kick" moves.

Todd Pettengill with *your* WrestleMania X report.  In case you were asleep
during the coin toss, these matches are happening at Madison Square Garden:
Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart, Lex Luger vs. WWF Champion (currently Yokozuna),
with the winner to take on Bret Hart.  Oh yeah, it's sold out, but you can
still get tix for the close-circuit cast in the theatre.

Tribute for the phenom...no not him.  The Undertaker.  Eych.

Earthquake v. Cory Student - Geez, this guy looks familiar...  It's good to
see he's learned no new moves in the year he was gone.  It's confirmed:
next week, Jannetty and Schyster go at it.  Ignoring any obvious history
between himself and Schyster, Earthquake goes through the motions and wins
with the big butt drop.

Promos:  RoboCop 3 Sega carts, Steston cologne, Addams Family Sega carts

Ramon and Jannetty interview.  Ramon gloats and promises that Jannetty will
do it to it.  Jannetty gives the "whuppin'" interview.

Oh, oh, someone started the "Irwin" chant during the ad break. 

Next week:  Thurman Plugg, Owen Hart, Smoking Scotsmen, and Jannetty vs.
IRS.

We get a replay of the Kid walking off with the briefcase.  IRS repeatedly
yells "Wait a minute!" as we fade to black.

Christopher Robin ZImmerman, that RAW guy / kzim@ucr.edu