One Year Ago this Week, on RAW:  Actually, since I missed last week, I'll
include that too:  In my favorite RAW match to this day, Bret Hart
narrowly defeats Fatu to keep his WWF Title after a series of angle twists
that you just wouldn't get anywhere else.  Rob Bartlett, dressed as Elvis
Presley, takes a pie in the face from the evil clown Doink, who destroys
Koko B. Ware.  The Narcissist only needs a pinky to pin P.J. Walker, and
Vince "mistakenly" refers to the Steiners as "Rob and Scott," who defeat
Gill & Hardy.  Also, Money Incorporated make WrestleMania 9 into a double
main event by accepting the challenge of the Megamaniacs for the tag team
titles, which coincidentally makes WrestleMania 9 the best WrestleMania
ever.  THIS week starts with a Megamaniac interview, highlighted by Hulk
Hogan singing "Getting to Know You."  Money, Inc. in turn beats the
Miracle Jobber Combination (Virgil & El Matador Tito Santana). Tatanka,
Papa Shango, and Bob Backlund all win squashes, and Mr. Perfect pins Rick
Martel during an ad break.  Quote of the week:  Bartlett (to McMahon): 
"Didn't you say Perfect was gonna win?" 

Monday Night RAW, coming to you from the Mid-Hudson Civic Center in
Poughkeepsie, NY 7.3.94 (but taped 21.2) and broadcast on the USA Network. 
The show is now close-captioned, which should be interesting viewing for
those of you who have those new TVs that steal close-captioning.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon and Ted DiBiase. 

The Smoking Scotsmen v. Crush & Owen Hart - Inexplicably, my cable company
cuts away as Hart waddles to the ring behind Crush and Mr. Fuji.  Oh look,
there's Nikolai Volkoff.  Big deal.  Jerry Lawler's name is mentioned for
the first time by Vince.  Gee, way to surprise us there Vince.  Anyway,
the match.  Bart takes it to Owen, so he tags to Crush, who destroys him. 
The crowd chants "USA" for no reason...or maybe because Hart is from
Canada and Crush is from Hawaii.  I don't know.  Bart with high cross body
for 2.  Tag to Billy.  Billy tries a crucifix but Crush doesn't budge, so
he turns it into a backslide/flip/something else that gets a 2 count. 
Crush, with one chop, completely changes the momentum of the match. 
Headbutt by Crush.  Billy comes back with a boot and a bulldog.  Arm bar. 
Crush rakes the eyes and tags Owen, but Billy gets the upper hand. 
Finally, Owen does something interesting and manages some offense with a
savat kick.  Snap suplex by Hart.  Leg drop.  Crush puts up his boot and
Hart runs Gunn into it.  Tag.  Crush with big punch off the top rope while
Hart holds him.  See, they're functioning as a team!  They go on to draw
Bart out into the ring so the ref can put him back and they can doubleteam
on Billy.  Tag to Owen.  Big dropkick and ad break.

When we come back, Billy has just managed to tag Bart, and he's a house
afire.  Oh my.  2 count on Owen, and Crush comes in to break it up with a
big stomp.  Bart comes in and the brawl is on.  While the ref puts away
Bart, Crush dropkicks Billy, who is in the middle of putting Owen into a
piledriver.  Billy ends up on the wrong end of a "modified" DDT which
means that Owen falls on him.  Owen quickly puts Billy in the Sharpshooter
and Crush makes sure that Bart stays away from the action.  Score a
submission for the bad boys.

After the match, Vince interviews the team.  It seems that Crush is taking
on Bret Hart in one of the big tuneup matches at the March to WrestleMania
X this Sunday night.  Owen promises that Crush will hurt him real bad, but
not too bad 'cause he's saving a piece for Owen.  Presumably, there won't
be much left for Yokozuna either.  Yep, things are really falling into
place for the Devious Mr. Fuji.

Todd Pettengill with *your* WMX report.  List of celebs, again, list of
matches, again.  As you may have heard a thousand times already, Alundra
Blayze WILL be taking on Leilani Kai for the WWF Women's Title.

Tatanka vs. Yokozuna will be one of the big matches at the March to
WrestleMania X.  I think someone said this was non-title... 

Jedoublef Jadoubleredoublet v. Virgil - Virgilmania's running wild!  The
fact that Virgil is introduced second leads me to believe he still has
absolutely no chance of winning.  Anyway, Virgil does phenomenally until
finding himself in a DDT.  Jarrett with the pin. 

Sy Sperling redoes Mr. Fuji.  Guess no one told him he actually did have
hair until about a year ago. 

Iron Mike Sharpe v. Doink (the Clown) -

Promos:  ICOPRO (Ramon), Slim Jim (Savage), Street Fighter 2:  SCE Sega
Carts

Doink wins as I spend the whole match explaining to everyone around me how
much cooler Doink used to be.  Vince runs over the mixed tag rules for the
hundredth time.

Oh boy!  My first WrestleMania hotline plug!  And to think people compare
these harmless advertisements to Mean Gene's out 'n' out highway robbery
sales pitches. 

Chief Ray Little Turtle of the Lumbee, Chief Jay Strongbow, Chief Wahoo
McDaniels and Chief Vince McMahon bring out Tatanka for a Special
Presentation, a shiny new headdress of feathers.  Presumably, the red dye
was causing the poor boy to lose his hair, so they came up with this.  By
the end of this ceremony, Joe and I are ROTFL and doing our best Heenan
impersonations, so you can figure out how tremendously exciting this was. 
Tatanka also misuses the verb "bestows" fifteen times.  Look!  There's a
tear in his eyes!  Suddenly, the Model comes out and...no, I'm kidding. 
Anyway, after all this is said and done, Joe has decided that he's earned
it.  I now have to refer to him as EL Tatanka. 

IRS v. Mark Thomas - Gee, not only is he a successful television host, but
Thomas is ripped!!  Unfortunately, he wrestles about as badly as I always
imagined he would.  Irwin with the write-off.  All right, this isn't THAT
Mark Thomas.  Are you happy now? 

Promos:  NBA Jam carts, GI Joe Battle Corps action figures, Bart & The
Beanstalk carts

Lex Luger takes on Jimmy del Ray in one of those big matchups at the March
to WrestleMania this Sunday. 

Jim Cornette and the Heavenly Bodies come out to fill up the hour. 
Cornette talks about how Luger will come to WrestleMania a broken, beaten
man after meeting the Gigolo.  Is it just me or are these good guys REALLY
not thinking just before their big title shots? 

This Sunday, you may have heard, is the March to WrestleMania.  Last year,
of course, we had the tremendous Beverly Brothers & Li'l Louie vs.
Bushwhackers & Tiger Jackson match.  I guess I'll just have to suffer
without a midget match this year... 

Christopher Robin Zimmerman, that RAW guy / kzim@ucr.edu