One Year Ago on RAW: After paying off the Beverly Brothers for doing some scouting, I.R.S. takes on Scott Steiner. Of course, Ted and Rick accompany their respective tag team partners to the ring, and of course this match ends up in a DQ when all four men go at it. The Bevs join the fray and, in the ensuing melee, double clothesline DiBiase by mistake. This leads to all sorts of bad blood between the two heels, and a challenge is issued. Tatanka and Papa Shango have squashes, Friar Ferguson makes his "debut" and wrestles his only match, and in RAW's all time greatest moment, Rob Bartlett interviews newcomer Luna Vachon, only to be caught in a catfight between Vachon and Sensational Sherri. The clothes fly. Yes, WrestleMania IX has definitely had some sort of effect on the WWF...we just can't figure out what it is. WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you "live" and close-captioned from the Utica Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York, and broadcast 11.4.94 and broadcast on the USA Network. The three voteline choices make their last minute lobbying while a "Don't call, you left coasters, the voteline is closed..." scrolls along the bottom of the screen. See? Vince learned his lesson. Your hosts are Vince McMahon and the [banned] Macho Man Randy Savage. Randy seems less than thrilled to be there. Diesel v. Virgil - Virgilmania's running wild! Diesel is accompanied once again by Shawn Michaels. Diesel gets the early upper hand, but Virgil ducks out of the corner and gets a flurry. Diesel punches out of an arm bar, and hits a sidewalk slam. Virgil assumes the ragdoll position, taking a short clothesline and a bearhug. Virgil's just the guy to submit on a bearhug, isn't he? No, he punches out. Double tomahawk off the second rope by Virgil. Diesel catches him when he tries this a second time. Diesel with all sorts of punches and elbows to all sorts of painful abdominal areas. Not knowing any better, he goes back to that bearhug. Arm falls once, arm falls twice, arm twitches, Virgil with eyepoke. Clothesline. Again. Diesel is still standing, of course. Virgil, in a fit of resourcefulness, stomps on Diesel's foot. This seems to work, as he gets a 2 count after a nice flying clothesline. Virgil attempts a sunset flip, but forgets he needs Diesel to do that. Diesel puts a boot to his head and then delivers a jackknife powerbomb. 1, 2, 3. The WWF: Unbelievable! The same bit you've seen before (yes, with the breasts). Voteline plug. "The phone lines are closed...please no calls from the west coast viewers..." (sic) Who will the Quebecers' challengers be? WHO? The King Jerry Lawler enters on a throne carried by four jobbers. The only one I can recognize is Dwayne Gill (or is it Barry Hardy?) Unfortunately, just before reaching the ring, Gill buckles under and sends Lawler to the floor. McMahon and Savage think this is hilarious. When we come back from the ad break, we get a replay of what we just saw. I can just imagine how this is going to look when the USWA edits it. The King's Court with The Narcissist - Vince pokes fun at Lawler's "Regal" entrance (caps mine). Luger pretends to be stifling a laugh for the first few minutes of this interview. He then intimates that even Brother Love had a better interview segment than Lawler. For an encore, he sits down...on Lawler's throne. Getting to the actual interview, Lawler pleads Perfect's case, and once again he's entirely correct. Luger tries to plead his side, weakly, and ends up going for the emotional argument, challenging Perfect to step back into the ring. "If you had a beef with me, Perfect, you should have talked it over with me instead of taking the coward's way out...during my crowning moment of glory (paraphrased, natch)." The WrestleMania Revenge Tour hits the United States! Me being obsessed with doing public service, I wrote down the dates for you: 23 April Richfield, OH 24 April Cincinnati, OH 25 April Indianapolis, IN (MNR taping? Probably not.) 27 April Albany, NY 29 April Providence, RI 30 April Boston, MA 1 May Worcester, MA Assuming that tonight's taping lasts three weeks, what *I* want to know is where is the 2 May show, 'cause that's going to be the next [Sweeps] "live" broadcast. Last Voteline plug (for the East Coast...blah blah blah). Thruman "Spark[e]y" Plugg v. The Greatest Wrestler Alive, Barry Horowitz - Hmm, Horowitz has put on some weight...or a real beard. "Barry" chant does nothing for his chances, by the way. Fortunately, we pay no attention to this match becuase Mr. Perfect is on the phone, and dead on once again. Hey, how come Plugg has a 42 on his jacket but a 76 on his tights? How many cars has he driven? Hmmmmmm? Anyway, he pins Barry with his "Kneedrop from the top rope which changes names every other week" finisher. Promos: ICOPRO (Tatanka), "New" Jurassic Park Action Figures, SF2:SCE carts We cut to the Quebecers, who are looking over the shoulder of the "interactive buzzword whatever" voteline supervisors. We cut to the six prospective opponents. We cut to an ad break. And out they come. Polo is still wearing the eye gauze (but not over his eye) from the injury he received playing catch with Gorilla Monsoon on "All-American." The winners of the Voteline are...Men on a Mission (Viejo). Amazingly, no one is surprised. Missionmania's running wild! After Oscar almost collapses trying to get out his rap, we are close to some actual action. Polo baits Mo, Mo faces Polo, Jacques jumps Mo, Jacques misses and nails Polo. Let's take an ad break before this gets too predictable. We're back, and Mo is having his way with Jacques. Silly Mo, he comes off the ropes where Pierre can hit him in the back, and surprise surprise, he does. Tag to Pierre, who does some general beating before Mo crotches him on the ropes. MOM swing the rope for added effect. Tag to Mabel. Drop toe hold (Mo) into leg drop (Mabel). Mabel works over Pierre until missing in the corner. Tag to Jacques, who works on the leg, trying to chop down that big tree. Tag to Pierre, who hasn't been paying attention and tries clotheslines. Mabel does his Diesel impersonation and remains standing, then drops Pierre. Tag to Mo. Double suplex. While referee "Blind" Dave Hebner works on getting Mabel out of the ring, Mo covers. Jacques comes in and breaks it up. Jacques then drags Mo over to his corner, which automatically brings Mabel in, which automatically gives Hebner a good reason to turn his back to Mo can be choked with the tag rope. Let's take another ad break. When we come back, Mo is still flat on the canvas. 2 count. Double drop on the ropes (stun gun?) and 2 count. Tag to Pierre. Clothesline for 2. "Let's go Mo" chant led by Oscar. "Land on the guy while he's hanging on a rope made famous by the Beverly Brothers" move. Pierre tries the move a second time, and Mo gets outta the way letting Pierre take a trip outside. Jacques throws him back in, distracting Hebner while Mo tags Mabel. No matter, Jacques manages to clothesline his partner instead of Mo, who finally does manage to tag Mabel where Hebner can see it. Mabel is a house afire in the new handicap match, up until missing a splash of Jacques. Jacques tags out to Pierre, and throws him onto Mabel. Unfortunately, both men are down now. Jacques goads Mo, and when he falls for it, entering the ring, Jacques places Pierre on top of Mabel. Mo, finally showing he has half a brain, notices Hebner putting Jacques out of the ring, and reverses the positions of Pierre and Mabel, putting Mabel on top of Pierre. 1, 2, Pierre manages to get a shoulder up. Tag to Mo, who whips Mabel into Pierre. Mo puts Pierre in a small package, but Mabel is slow getting out of the ring again, and Jacques turns the package over while Hebner puts Mabel out. 1, 2, Mo kicks out. Mo goes for Jacques, who ducks and out he goes. Johnny Polo strolls over and does some stomping on Mo, which brings Mabel to his aid. The chase is on, but everyone forgets about what's happening in the ring. Mo is dragged back in, and the Quebecers do somersault splash off the top rope and it's over. 1, 2, 3. Mabel is too late. Polo may be squashed at the hands of Mabel, but he's still got the WWF Tag Team Champions. Hype for next week's big match: Bret Hart vs. Kwang. Wow, spectacular choice of opponent, Bret. Let us take you back to the Easter Egg Roll at the White House. Doink, Dink, the Bushwhackers, and some kids. Does anyone know if they were actually there, or just hanging out next to the fence? Vince mentions that next week's match is non-title. That means they already taped it, and don't want us to know Hart automatically won. Irwin R. Schyster is in the ring, reminding us to pay our taxes. Promos: NBA Jam carts, Slim Jim (Savage), Mortal Kombat carts Vince replays the King's tumble one more time. I can't wait for the USWA version. Christopher Robin Zimmerman, that RAW guy / kzim@galaxy.ucr.edu