One Year Ago on RAW: In their last appearance as a team, the Beverly Brothers fall to the tag team champs, Money Inc. Razor Ramon defeats Virgil. Tatanka and the Giant Gonzales win squashes. In a post-WM interview, Bret Hart promises that he will once again win the WWF Championship, and the first guy on his hit list is The Narcissist, who knocked him out at the pre-WM breakfast. And after a squash, Bam Bam Bigelow continues to deliver flying headbutts until the save is made by...Friar Ferguson, who delivers an astounding drop kick to the small of the back. Naturally, Ferguson is never seen again. And, Rob Bartlett is never seen again. No one misses him. WWF Monday Night RAW, coming to you from the Utica Memorial Auditorium in Utica, New York, 18.4.94 (but taped 11.4) and broadcast, close-captioned, on the USA Network. We open with "highlights" of last week's tumble of The King Jerry Lawler. Apparently, this is the funniest thing Vince and Randy have ever seen. The aforementioned Vince and Randy are in fact Vince McMahon and Randy Savage, who provide all commentary and are your hosts. They make fun of Lawler, and Savage asks for a title shot from Bret Hart. Bret Hart v. Kwang - He's the champ, but the belt isn't on the line. Poor Kwang doesn't ever get an entrance. Kwang jumps Hart as he reenters the ring, having given away his shades. Kwang with all sorts of impressive looking martial arts moves, and a green "slime" spit. More chops. Kwang misses in the corner after a whip. Bret comes back with rights and an arm bar. Hart works on the arm with knees and yes, the arm bar. Kwang powres out and whips him, but Bret reverses with a rollup for 2. Back to the arm bar. Bret kills time by spitting at Harvey Wippleman. Kwang submits! Just kidding. Kwang manages to get back up. Hairpull. Shoulderblock by Hart. As Hart charges, Kwang nimbly steps aside and hellps him out of the ring. Hart pretends to hurt his wrist. Kwang follows with an axehandle from the apron to the floor. After setting the Hitman up against the ringpost, Kwang attempts a savat kick but misses when Hart ducks out. Amazingly, this doesn't hurt Kwang at all and he goes back to pounding on Hart outside the ring as we take an ad break. When we come back, Kwang is using "unbelievable manoeuvres" on Hart, which are snappy looking kicks. 2 by Kwang. Nerve hold by Kwang, and it looks like the perfect time to take a phone call from the Rocket, Owen Hart. The Hitman comes off the ropes with a cross body block for 2, but Kwang comes back with a vicious chop. Knee, and back to the nerve hold. Owen promises to beat Bret and take the title on the Revenge tour. Bret elbows out, and goes off the ropes, hanging on while Kwang kicks air. 2 count by Bret. Small package for 2. Vince keeps interrupting Owen with his "1!!! 2!!!" Bret with the elbow off the second rope (tm) for 2. Kwang decides to take control with a chop. But he puts his head down and Bret takes him down with a reverse leg sweep. This would be a good time for the Sharpshooter. Submission. The WrestleMania Revenge Tour! Same dates as last week. Dink & Doink on ice, that sounds nice. One of them charity things. Jedoublef Jadoubleredoublet v. P.J. Walker - Y'all come back now, y'hear? Double D T. Cap'n Lou lobbies publicly for the Head Shrinkers to get a title shot. Next week, WWF Prez Jack "Solomon" Tunney will give us his decision. The Steiner Brothers v. Barry Hardy & Mike Khoury Promos: ICOPRO (Ramon), "New" Jurassic Park Action Figures, SF2: SCE carts Geez, these guys sure look familiar... This match ALSO takes forever. Luckily, we got to hear the commentator's endless repetoire of Nancy Kerrigan and/or Tonya Harding and/or Bill and/or Hillary Clinton jokes. The Steiners (well, Scott anyway) seem a little aggressive. Finisher is Scott's Spikedriver. Duke "The Dumpster" Droese. What'll they think of next. Let's see what they do with his last name when they find out no one can spell it. The King's Court with WWF Women's Champ Alundra Blayze. She comes out with a Burger King hat with "LALWER is a LOSER" written on it (spelling errors not mine). And once again, the guest makes reference to the Piper's Pit. Listen, I don't care HOW great her breasts look, I can't sit through this pitiful attempt to give her a personality. Lucky for us, she's lost the belt and wants us to believe Luna Tunes took it. As if on cue, out she comes. After various sundry threats, Blayze challenges her "right here, right now." While Randy screams "Catfight!" nothing happens. Hype for next week's big match: Jeff Jarrett vs. Razor Ramon. Earthquake v. Mike Bell - Bell wants a test of strength. 'Quake's hand is just out of reach, though, so Bell climbs the ropes and asks again. 'Quake takes his hand, and tosses him. It's all downhill from there. Vince would love to see a 'Quake/Yokozuna matchup. 'Quake with 'quake. Let us take you back to WWF Superstars as Kwang slimes Tatanka. "C'mon Harvey, let's go. Our work is done." Well, he didn't actually say that, but he does promptly disappear as Irwin R. Schyster destroys Tatanka, locks him in the ropes, and dismantles the sacred headdress. Out comes Chief Jay Strongbow, who just isn't as effective without Goulet and Garea to back him up. Schyster destroys Strongbow as well. This looks a lot better than I describe it. In fact, I want to see it again and again. Irwin R. Schyster v. Major Yates - IRS gets a submission with the Penalty, which strangely enough resembles an STF. Promos: NBA Jam carts, Slim Jim (Savage), Mortal Kombat carts The commentators chat with Johnny Polo, who's on his way to Toronto to tell Tunney not to give permission for a Head Shrinkers/Quebecers title match. Next week: Bam Bam Bigelow, the 1-2-3 Kid, Owen Hart, and the exciting Ramon/Jarrett match. Lawler tells us that The King's Court is better than the Bottom Line, as well as Piper's Pit, and that next week's big guest is Nikolai Volkoff. See ya next week! Christopher Robin Zimmerman, that RAW guy / kzim@galaxy.ucr.edu "My Yokozuna's killing me!" - Roddy Piper