Arrived at the Cow Palace close to 5.  The two parking guys talked it over
and then waved me through without collecting the seven clams.  The Media
Pass is GOOD.  I bow to the Media Pass.

While waiting an hour for the doors to open, I paid five bones for a
"program" - better known as a "two month old WCW Magazine, marked up a
dollar from cover price, with a mimeographed page with tonight's card
inserted."  I was amused by the Chris Jericho column, of course, as well
as the back cover exhorting me to please buy Bash at the Beach on 11 July.
 
The wrestling configuration seats over fourteen thousand.  The entire
ringside and lower section looked sold out, with the upper section only
sparsely filled.  So using my incredibly poor crowd estimation skills, I
peg the crowd at around.....let's say 7200.  Tickets were 15/20/30.

Met Jason Bucy, Victor Tsou and Kleanthes...Something before the show. I
was thinking I'd hang with them and we'd all take turns dissin' folks,
except the people who actually PAID for the seat I was sitting in came
calling.  Well, that won't do.  

I asked them who they'd come to see.  "Saturn, Benoit, maybe Vampiro."
Hey, guess who WASN'T on the card tonight.  Such is the life of a WCW Live
Event attendee.

Let's run down the card as advertised.  Keep in mind this West Coast swing
was called the "Card Subject to Change '99 Tour:"

<PRE>
DOUBLE MAIN EVENT

TAG TEAM MATCH: "Hollywood" Hogan & Sting vs. 
                 Macho Man Randy Savage & Sid Vicious

Goldberg vs. Ric Flair (with David Flair)

TAG TEAM MATCH: Konnan & Rey Mysterio vs.
                Curt Hennig & Barry Windham

Buff Bagwell vs. Rick Steiner

TAG TEAM MATCH: Eddie & Chavo Guerrero vs. 
                Kendall Windham & Bobby Duncum

SPECIAL GUESTS: Nitro Girls & DJ Ran

FOUR WAY "HAKS' RULES" MATCH: Hak (with Chastity) vs. Knobs 
                              vs. Meng vs. Barbarian (with Jimmy Hart)

Juventud vs. Blitzkrieg

Chris Adams vs. E. Miller (with Sonny)

"We reserve the right to change the order of events.  All matches are
subject to change.  The promoter is not responsible if the wrestlers fail
to appear due to conditions beyond our control.  Whenever possible, a
substitute will be arranged.  Championship matches are sanctioned by World
Championship Wrestling."

They apparently ALSO reserve the right to change people's names and spell
creatively.  SO ANYWAY.  And of course, if you read Mike's Friday update,
you already knew that hardly ANY of these matches were going to make it as
advertised.

We start five minutes late as DAVID PENZER takes to the (old WCW logo)
ring to welcome us once again to San Francisco and the historic Cow
Palace.  Tonight, we'll see all the stars of World Championship Wrestling,
including the Cat, Buff Bagwell (ladies scream here), Curt Hennig and the
West Texas Rednecks, Konnan, Eddie Guerrero, Chavo Guerrero, Rey Mysterio
Junior, "the undefeated" Sid Vicious, Rick Steiner, Sting (big pop),
Goldberg (also big), and Hulk Hogan (mixed - but loud), and a "very
special guest" and a "very special challenge."

No one sings the national anthem, much to my dismay.  Maybe they'll let me
do it next time if nobody else wants to..

Live 105 personality MO is booed out of the ring by the WILD 94.9 posse,
who was busy handing out freebies before the show.  Shrewd radio folk,
they.  Mo asks us if we're ready to see the "titans" of WCW.  Huh.  I'm
actually thinking she doesn't watch much wrestling at all...

Let's bring out the NITRO GRRLS!  Well, four of them.  The best four,
though - SPICE, JAZZ, CHAE and STORM.  I was going to shout out my undying
affection to Spice but I promised MiCasa I'd avoid representing CBS
Sportsline in anything other than a bland light, so I politely nodded my
head instead.  Uh huh.

First match saw THREE TIME WORLD KARATE CHAMPION AND AVOWED REDNECK HATER
CAT (with Sonny Onoo) go over GENTLEMAN CHRIS ADAMS in 9.23, despite Cat's
promises to deal with his opponent in under five minutes - or never come
to San Francisco again (crowd cheers).  Say what you will about Cat's lack
of wrestling ability - the man draws heat.  He seemed to do a lot more
dancing to set up his moves than actual wrestling, natch.  Who does the
crowd root for when two heels collide?  Well....nobody really.  Everything
was directed in relation to Cat.  All right, Cat missed a move!  Cat seems
pretty good at picking out random fans and making fun of them, at least,
although his pelvic thrusts can HARDLY be considered "family friendly."
Onoo got lots of outside interference on despite the keen eyes of referee
"Blind" Mickey J.

David Penzer directs our attention to the WCW Mastercard tables, where we
can sign up for the card of our choice, and receive a FREE WCW cooler!
It's almost big enough to hold ONE can of soda!!

When DISORDERLY CONDUCT came out to take on BRIAN KNOBS & BARBARIAN, I
decided it was time to make a strategic visit to the merchandise stand for
my "Rap is Crap" T-shirt.  So WCW got money out of me after all.  I ALMOST
bought a Sting mask, but somehow managed to summon the strength of will to
avoid dropping the ten bucks - probably because the T set me back twenty.
Despite being another heel/heel matchup, the crowd found time to give the
First Family members the face treatment as they managed the pin at 8.49 -
just barely eking out of Penzer's announced twenty minute time limit.
Post match, SID VICIOUS sauntered out to powerbomb both of the lads from
Sturgis who get woefully underpaid for the work they have to do, not to
mention the nicknames they are forced to endure.  Sid SPEAKS!  "In case
anyone's counting, that's two more - next will be the Stinger..."  Sid
wants everyone to know that in the new millennium, one name and one name
only will be heard.  This is the crowd's cue to chant "Goldberg..."  After
a polite interval, Sid softly remarks, "I said we would not hear another
name" and I have to chuckle.

Penzer reminds us that there's lots of nice merchandise - too late, boyee!

Ric Flair's theme fires up and I hearten up - will I get to see THE MAN
once again?  The last time I saw him in person was at the 1993 Royal
Rumble, of all places.  No, it's DAVID FLAIR out by himself, taking on
BUFF BAGWELL in a "One hand tied behind the back" match.  Buff somehow
manages to pose even with only one free arm.  Flair, who finally seems to
have an emerging personality, demands Buff be untied, then takes bumps a
plenty as Buff takes it to HIM.  Finally, Flair decides he's had enough,
only to learn that at house shows, referee Mickey J. has a secret "answer
the ten count or be fined $5,000" weapon that you never see on television,
but almost always at least once during house shows (gives the audience a
chance to count along, see?).  Flair even gets a chance for his trick knee
to act up, but the (ugly) Buff blockbuster secures the pin in 5.47.

Penzer begs for us to please watch Nitro for KISS (no reaction from the
crowd) as well as a WCW title match between Hogan and Sting!

BRET HART comes out to a standing ovation.  Yeah, THAT Bret Hart.
Paraphrased:  "Surprise, surprise.  I'll make this pretty brief.  You know
a couple of months ago I was out here on Nitro - I didn't know what to do
with my career, and I still haven't really made a decision.  But I've
still got some things I wanna prove.  There's ONE match that should have
happened and it never has...Hulk Hogan...the one match the world's been
waiting to see has never happened, and until that happens I can't make
that decision, so I got on a plane, I got my wrestling gear, I came to the
Cow Palace...and I'm gonna as the promoters, and I'm gonna ask Hulk Hogan,
and I'm gonna as you wrestling fans if it'll be okay if I could just have
one match with Hogan tonight.  It doesn't have to be a title shot, I just
want to prove something to myself.  I'm ready to go, thank you."  Crowd
roars approval.  Sounds to ME like he's made a decision, but we'll let
that go.

Penzer is SHOCKED!  Although he seemed to allude to this earlier tonight
when he started the show.  He's gonna pass the word, and as soon as he
hears back, he'll share with us.  "We could have ourselves a dream match
here tonight!"

BARRY WINDHAM & KENDALL WINDHAM & BOBBY DUNCUM, JNR (with Curt Hennig) had
a six man tag against EDDIE GUERRERO & CHAVO GUERRERO JNR & REY MYSTERIO
JNR (with Konnan) - Konnan still hitting the buffets?  He did get to
"speak on dis" but at least managed to say that the Cowboys "talk all that
crap" instead of the nonsensical "talkin' about they're fuuhlyyyfe" that
he seems fond of doing.  No tossed salads or peeled potatoes, but because
he's in the right area, he lets loose with some possibly dirty Spanish
instead.  Did I mention the faces came out to "Psycho?"  Well, they did.
Finally some decent wrestling type action - no frog splash, sadly, but Rey
does do a nice quebrada moonsault, and a pretty 'rana.  Hennig also uses a
foreign object to stop Rey's roughrider bronco buster, which I enjoyed.
Finish say Eddie hit a missile dropkick on Rey, who was being held in
position by ... Kendall?  Dropping them into a cover.  Charles Robinson
counted the pin in 8.19, well shy of the thirty minute time limit.

"Brief Intermission" - DJ RAN did his DJ Hurricane impersonation by
spinning tunes with no transitions, beatmatching, or crossfading.  I
BELIEVE he scratched around five times during the six or seven song set.
I noticed one APW T-shirt in the crowd during this intermission.  And lots
of Austin and DX shirts.  How many WCW shirts do you see at a WWF event,
anyway?

The four NITRO GRRLS came out again.  Spice's shoulder straps fell down
FOUR times.  I counted.  I also have a new appreciation for Jazz and will
forgive Larry Zbyszko's most obvious lechery during his commentary - she's
worthy of it.

Penzer reveals that Hogan's said yes backstage.  Hooray!  'cause with Sid
and Sting wrestling and Savage AWOL, I was worried WE WOULDN'T SEE HIM
TONIGHT!!

SID VICIOUS is unusually silent during his matchup with (THIS IS) STING.
Penzer relays a message from Sid.  "...would like me to let all of you
know that you are not worthy to hear him speak.  Nonetheless, he demands
ABSOLUTE SILENCE and most definitely DOES NOT want to hear the name
'Sting!'"  Naturally, the crowd chants Sting's name like rabid dogs.  Sid
threatens to leave and is halfway back up the aisle when Sting takes the
mic.  "Stizzing in the hizzouse!"  Then, in his best "TV announcer" voice:
"Maybe it'd be better for Sid to leave - because we're all allergic to
JACKASSES!"  The Born Again Sting, ladies and gentlemen!  Sid manages to
get back in the ring at the nine count.  Strangely similar to their Road
Wild match, ending sees Sid steal a chair from ringside and prepare to
strike, but for referee "Blind" Nick Patrick's timely intervention to stop
the swing.  Sid turns around and is ready to waffle PATRICK when Sting
steals the chair, and unleashes a mighty WHACK 'pon the countenance fair
of Mr. Vicious.  So, of course, Patrick DQ's Sting and gives the victory
to the undefeated one.  (8.48)  THEN, there's an aisle attack post-match,
everyone ends up back in the ring, Sting hits a Scorpion Death Drop and
Patrick counts a pin. (1+ minute?)  Penzer announes STING as the winner
and I'm confused - but at least everybody ELSE is happy.

Penzer reminds us that in case we haven't seen the Nitro Grrls PPV, we'll
still have many chances in the remaining days of August.  Hey, that's not
family friendly of him!

RICK STEINER, sizable gut NOT hidden as the TV title belt is absent, (not
announced as Champion either) goes down to COLD BEER in 2.26.  Goldberg is
OVER, baby - slightly more than Eddie and on par with Sting.  Steiner
gives Goldberg ONE chance to leave, before "I'm gonna beat the dogshit
outta you, boy."  Hmmm.  This was like every Goldberg match you've ever
seen and I'm sorry I didn't time the entrance, too.  It WAS fun watching
the people around me go apeshit whenever Goldberg did ANYTHING.  The guy
in front of me actually was chanting "cold beer" but I'm sure he didn't
get that from me... maybe he got it from someone who got it from me,
though??  Mickey J. was the ref - I don't know why I tell you this, but I
wrote it down, so I might as well.

Penzer reminds us that KISS (again, no reaction) and a Hogan/Sting title
match will take place on RAW.

BRET HART vs. HULK HOGAN - it's weird.  You can BUY Hogan T-shirts - they
apparently haven't been kept in some warehouse all this time, because
they've got the new WCW logo on them.  And yet, Hogan comes out in a
ripped up OLD WCW logo Hulkster shirt.  Ah, who cares.  Hogan cuts a promo
before the match, saying that Hart DESERVES a title shot, and he's happy
to give it to him.  Is YOUR spider sense tingling?  Note this was the only
belt on the line tonight, apparently... This turned out to be a damn good
match.  Hogan put his working boots (such as they were) on and even busted
out his drop toehold and back suplex!  Hart tried to play it semi-heel for
a bit, going to the closed fist and not letting off in the corner, but the
crowd was still behind him.  Both men worked off a rear chinlock, and each
time the crowd cheered for whoever was in the hold. You get the feel that
this match was a proving ground, or a test of what might work down the
road.  We were progressing along nicely at about a ***1/2 pace (Hogan
rallied back with the three punches, big boot, but missed the legdrop -
Hart put on the Sharpshooter, but Hogan POWERED out - what hurt knee?)
when SID VICIOUS and RICK STEINER came in to give us force Charles
Robinson into calling the old standard - (no contest 10.16) - a smattering
of trash until (THIS IS) STING came out soon after, then both WINDHAMS,
then GOLDBERG to make it four on four.  The heels were dispensed with,
leaving the Goldberg/Sting/Hart/Hogan photo op.  Cue "American Made."  
Will Hogan and Hart shake hands?  YES!  And hug, too.  Send 'em home
happy!

You know, Hart and Hogan DID wrestle before...Nitro, 28 September 1998. Of
course, it was all a ruse to get Sting back then.  But, it confirms
something, anyway...in that blow-by-blow almost a year ago, I wrote
"Hogan's greatest match ever!" before the screwjob.  I am CONVINCED that
that can again be the case with these two in a pay-per-view main event.
Hogan CAN break the four star barrier, but only Bret Hart can beat it out
of him.

Anyway, fair to middlin' show.  No Revolution, no Lenny or Lodi, no Regal
and Taylor, no Harlem Heat, no Meng (although I'm probably the only guy to
miss him), NO LUCHA (c'mon!  This IS California!), but hell, some pretty
big stars wrestled a FREAKIN' HOUSE SHOW tonight.  So, tip the scales for
WCW.

WCW house shows Saturday in Reno and Sunday in Los Angeles - similar
results perhaps?

CRZ
CBS Sportsline
(and [slash] wrestling)