by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
Happy birthday, George!
QUICK QUOTES: AOL 51 1/4 (- 4 1/2), TWX 76 1/16 (- 6 11/16), SPLN 35 1/2 (-
6 3/8)
After hitting the Kings store, we stepped inside the Arco Arena for WCW
Action! DAVID PENZER welcomed us, then introduced SOME GUY FROM 98 ROCK,
who apparently thought the show was WCW Worldwide. He ended up getting
booed.
We were introduced to DJ RAN and the NITRO GRRLS, who occupied most of the
commercial breaks. Ran can cut a record from side to side - well, no, not
really. He's STILL failed to impress me. His big DJ move for TONIGHT was
the "mute everything when I speak" technique. Eh.
We DID get a dark match, unlike last night at the PPV. (Oh man, that PPV.
NO dark matches. Watching Hall lie there was NOT a "bonus" at the end of
the night. Hearing Penzer hype the freakin' *pre-game show* because deep
down we all KNEW it'd get a HELL of a lot more views than the thing people
had to PAY for just .... ahhhhhhhhh)
SUGAR SHANE & SHANNON defeated LANE & IDOL in 5:01 with a surprise rollup
when everyone was distracted by MISS HANDCOCK. 3 Count again did not sing.
These guys were "2XS" for like one episode of Worldwide, and then they were
back to Lane & Idol - why? Who can say? I've been thinking about this -
you know why Lodi was over in the first place? "He was a fag?" No, come
on, play ball with me here. "No way, man, I'm not catching for YOU." Oh,
get off it. "You'd LIKE me to get off it--" SHUT UP! Putting aside all
that queer stuff, the thing that established Idol was THE SIGNS. Why can't
Idol carry signs? There are PLENTY of non-gay things he can write down,
right? Having said all that, Idol hit a nice triple rolling snap suplex,
and one of the 3 Count guys hit a swank apron-to-floor huracanrana on the
side I couldn't see, so it wasn't all that bad. Hell, it was practically
the longest match on the card! Stick around and see what I mean - the part
that you and I saw together is...coming up...
WCW logo - a fighting force against the evils of the Internet
The TV-14-DLS ratings box and closed captioned logo make apperances as see
capsule highlights of last night's SuperBrawl - no messin' about with still
frames TONIGHT! The Artist wins the Cruiserweight title, Brian Knobs wins
the Hardcore championship, The Wall beats the Demon, Tank Abbot takes the
skin, Booker T was ready to win except the lights went out and a really big
fat guy showed up, the Mamalukes kept the tag team titles, a fake James
Brown, then a REAL James Brown showed up, Flair won the Death match
(thankfully, no one LITERALLY died), Hulk Hogan beat Lex Luger, Flair
attacked afterwards, but Sting made the save, and in the main event, ref
after ref was punked out, until Mark Johnson came out, but then Roddy Piper
came out and...oh...well, Sid's still the champ.
Outside, Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Brothers - ARRIVE! "We're gonna show
'em what *my* NWO's about tonight!"
Opening graphic
LOOKIT THE PYRO!! We are LIVE from the Arco Arena in Sacramento, CA
(Slogan: "The River City") 21.2.2K and don't you believe it when they say
it's a "capacity" crowd!
GENE O. works tonight! He stands in the ring ready to welcome (giant
pause) this man (another awkward pause) - well, then the music of the TOTAL
PACKAGE finally fires up as he and LIZ come out. Apparently, we were
supposed to see Hulk Hogan in this segment, but the Total Package has other
idears. He's wearing FUBU?!? Luger finally lets the crowd in on what's
going on by being the first guy to say the name "Hogan." Luger tells us
that he's really great and we shouldn't boo him. It was only through the
fault of Hogan's stooges (Jimmy Hart and Sting) that he doesn't stand
before us with a win. Package promises that this is "just the
beginning..." And now, "American Made" starts up over the PA and YOU KNOW
WHO comes out. Believe it: the people that showed up on this night WERE
actually popping for Hogan. Hogan says if Luger wants a next time, how
about tonight? Oh, and by the way...there's a cage above the ring, so
let's use that too. Hogan says it's "eighteen feet high," I think he's off
by about ten feet, but let's not quibble. Hogan lays it down and I think
it's on.
This portion of WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Castrol Motor Oily!
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE and ... tonight, the graphic's been prepared!
Hogan and Package in a Cage Match! Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where
Nash kabonged Kevin Nash with a guitar. Also tonight, Sid Vicious in a
special interview! YEAH! Tony talks a bit about SuperBrawl, but some
music interrupts him...
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET, the HARRIS BROS and FOUR PORNSTARS appear at
the top of the entranceway. In the building, we all checked out the women.
On TV, you NEVER see them except at the beginning and the end. I guess
that's something. Jarrett says he's got a signed document guaranteeing him
a one-on-one rematch for the World title - signed by Kevin Nash. Jarrett
also says he's going to unleash the Harrisses - they're gonna be dropping a
lot of H-bombs tonight. OH MAN! HE SAID SLAPNUTS!!
Backstage, a limo - ARRIVES! And from it emerges... Sid Vicious!
He's WALKING!
Meanwhie, Billy Kidman and Torrie Wilson talk about the KidCam gone missing.
Local spot hypes "SmackDown!" on UPN 44
Backstage, Madusa happens upon the whiteboard listing the matches for
tonight. I'm not gonna tell you we saw this on Heat last week...but we
did. Anyway, she expresses disapproval that she doesn't have a match
tonight, then breaks the white board. Get down, Lucy van Pelt! I miss
Charles Schulz too!
BILLY KIDMAN (with Torrie Samuda and stills) v. LASH LeROUX - as Kidman
walks to ringside, we take a gander at stills from last night's
Kidman/Vampiro match where, surprise, Vampiro did the job. Now, since I
was at the arena and saw this already, I know there's no point providing
play by play, but I will say that before the HARRIS BROTHERS come out and
ruin the match (no contest? :46) it sure looked like LeRoux's ONE 'rana
caused Kidman to land RIGHT on his head. Wow, crappy wrestlers end match
between two people I almost care about? Hmmm, WHERE have I seen this
before? The "H-bomb" is apparently a DEVASTATING...sidewalk slam. I hear
that the H-bomb destroys everything within 20 feet of it, but that can't be
true, 'cause I still heard color commentary afterwards.
Vampiro is WALKING!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim, WCW Powerslam wrestlers,
America (ha!) Online 5.0, Judge Wapner's cash scam, and IceSport from Aqua
Velva
Closed captioning sponsored by MEINEKE!
GTV - err, the stolen Kid Cam captures Buff Bagwell putting a move on
Symphony, getting denied, and then telling her "this never happened." He
almost got caught once, so zip her lip. WHAT A DRAMATIC TWIST!
VAMPIRO (with stills) v. FIT FINLAY - We saw Vampiro looking around for
signs, and looking sad that he only found one. This month in WCW Magazine
- a centerfold of Miss Handcock! I tried starting a Finlay chant in here
but nobody wanted to chant with me. Finlay in control, not being terribly
sneaky about using his cast as a weapon. Vampiro into the barricade, then
into the apron. Cast to the back. Finlay's got a chair - he throats him
with it! Rolled back in the ring...cast to the back. Tonight, the
cage match is a "Last Man Standing" cage match. Scoop and a slam by
Finlay, kick between the shoulderblades. Double leg, into a Boston crab.
Now a half crab, Finlay standing on the back to add leverage. I'm right
behind those dayglo signs, by the way. Yup. Finlay with a stomp. Whip
into the opposite corner, Vampiro puts a boot up, FINALLY getting some
offense - to the top rope - spin kick! Motioning to the crowd - but Finlay
slips it and hits a clothesline. Dropping the elbow. Into the corner,
Vampiro sidesteps the charge. Rollup - 1, 2, 3. Vampiro steals one.
(3:17) Finlay attacks post-match, as if he needed protecting. Tombstone
piledriver!
Backstage, we see the Maestro putting a beatdown on Buff while Symphony
looks on. Security breaks it up. When Bagwell learns he has a mouse under
his eye, he's ready to attack him again - nobody messes up HIS face! I
think there was a challenge for a match laid down in here as well... So
did Maestro figure out what was going on because he was actually watching
the monitor? Holy crap, that would make him the SMARTEST MAN ALIVE!
Meanwhile, Madusa catches up to La Parka, who's reading a paper. she
whispers in his ear. "Si." Again, "Si senorita." she kisses him on the
cheek and takes off - he shrugs his shoulders. The AMAZING thing about
this is, not only does Parka not understand English, but it's an AMERICAN
newspaper!
Surge action can ad. Hey, did they blot out all the "T's" on those Booker
cans?
Hey, look, it's the NITRO GRRLS!
Gene O. stands in the back with Booker. He's pretty unhappy about losing
Harlem Heat, but "from this point on, it's over with - it's all over!"
DISCO INFERNO (with Mamalukes) v. BOOKA - now Gene said that Big Vito was
the opponent...oops. Disco takes the mic and said HE thought it was Big
Vito, but he was told it was in fact the manager of champions taking on
Booker. Rather than fight him tonight, he has an offer for Booker.
"Instead of wrestling Big Vito, and instead of wrestling me tonight,
whaddayasay that I give you a handicap match against the world tag team
champions - for the world tag team championship?" Booker gets in the ring
and pastes Inferno. The Mamalukes jump him from behind. Off the ropes,
duck, double clothesline. Hey, if you don't WANT him to duck, you don't
put the clothesline THREE FEET OVER his head! Arrrrrgh. Booker with Vito,
right hand, off the ropes, reversed, Disco grabs the ankle, Booker turns
around, Vito superkicks him when he turns back and he's outside. Johnny
works him over a bit on the outside, back in the ring, right, right, right.
The belt is FINALLY off as he pounds on him in the corner, whip into the
opposite corner, followup lariat, Booker reverses out of the corner and
puts Vito down with a Samoan Drop. Disco on the apron, and going down with
one punch. Johnny in - uranage that looked so weak, Booker even gave him
an "ahh, you can't sell worth shit" right there in the ring (ha!) Axe kick
for Vito - he breakdances back up, Harlem side kick for Johnny. Going up
to the top rope - Disco pushes him off and referee "Blind" Billy Silverman
rings the bell (DQ 1:43) and rings the bell and rings the bell and rings
the bell and by now EVERYBODY in my section is wishing they'd stop ringing
the damn bell. Let's make it even better! The HARRIS BROS are out. H
bomb! H bomb! Again I thought I heard something about a "20 foot radius"
and AGAIN I hear some FAT FLAPPING LIPS which seem to directly contradict
that assertion. I guess I don't get it. I think what was most
disappointing was that we never got to hear Booker's music!
Gene O. stands with Terry Funk & Dustin Rhodes. They're talking on the
Harris Boyz tonight. Funk says that Dustin is ten times the man his father
was. Rhodes says he'd bet on their team tonight - the reign of terror will
end with their match.
Still frames from the main event.
Backstage, Sid laughs at the monitor and says "I got plenty to say!" Then
he says.....NOTHING.
Are you ready for some exciting WCW action? Well, there'll be some
WCW action, anyway. Tomorrow, Reno for THUNDER! Tix on sale Friday for
Abilene, Waco, Houston for THUNDER!, Beaumont, Baltimore and Pittsburgh!
Wanna buy a copy of "Positively Page?" We swear it's AT LEAST as good as
Mick Foley's book!
Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight as the Harrisses interrupted this
match - then ran out after that match
Gene O. stands with the new Harlem Heat. Stevie Ray says this is what
happens when nobody watches his back. J. Biggs says they own Harlem Heat.
(Duh.) Ray says that the giant dude is known as "Cassius." Look for me to
say "Cassius in the house!" from now on and I can't help you if it doesn't
make any sense to you. Funny, he looked a lot like that old No Limit
Soldier 4x4 to a lot of people...
THE ARTIST FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE IAUKEA (with Paisley) v. LA....PARKA
for the World Cruiserweight Championship - oh boy! OKLAHOMA is out to
insult women! I think I can actually HEAR the ratings go up! Setting
aside the fact that La Parka isn't a cruiserweight and shouldn't be getting
the shot in the first place, let's move on to the more obvious: Parka seems
to have dropped about a hundred pounds and grown tits. Fortunately, the
commentators somehow manage to spell it out for the fans that, for
instance, find "Wheel of Fortune" taxing on the ol' noggin. Before a
single move, Oklahoma gets in the ring and unmasks La Parka...oh, it's
MADUSA. Madusa demonstrates that she SHOULD be taken seriously as a
wrestler by bitchslapping Oklahoma. And now the *real* LA PARKA is out,
chair in hand, and here's a WHACK for Oklahoma. And here's a WHACK for
Parka by the Artist. Here's the "manoeuvre." And here's the pinfall.
Thank GOD that ended before an actual MATCH broke out. (1:20) Post-match,
a perfectly framed shot captures the Artist...and also CRZ and Craig
Woodhead, joining the rest of the arena in staying firmly planted to their
seats and having no reaction whatsoever. (I'm the one with the freakishly
long hair. Duh.) The replay is brought to you by Wendy's Chicken Nuggets.
Backstage, Jeff Jarrett and the Harris Brothers are WALKING!
Meanwhile, Funk and Rhodes are also WALKING!
Meanwhile, a graphic proclaims that a Hogan/Package "Last Man Standing Cage
Match" is upcoming!
Goldberg! Eating Spree!
A montage of clips from THUNDER!...I think - it directly goes into
Ric Flair ranting and raving in the vicinity of Total Package and Liz and
the TV-14-DLS ratings box. He is ALSO cut off...
TERRY FUNK & DUSTIN RHODES (with stills) v. HARRIS BROS (with Jedoubelf
Jadoubleredoublet) - Let Us Take You Back to THUNDER! where Funk & Wagnall
took on Team Package in a match that nobody remembers. Still shots
of the Death Match remind me of a joke I usually make whenever stills show
up on the screen. Maybe you remember it, too. As the Harrisses enter,
Schiavone says that Nash's signature IS legit on the document, so Jarrett
WILL get a one-on-one title shot with Sid. Jeff Jarrett takes third
headset as I tell Craig that Dustin will turn on Funk tonight. Rhodes
starts out, hits a sidewalk slam on Big Ron, then tags in Funk. Funk
driving his head into the turnbuckle. Now standing on the second rope for
the Ten Punch Count Along. Heavy D is over on the apron with something the
camera misses but Funk's down. Tag. Right, right, right, right, choke on
the bottom rope, the man on the apron stands on the head for good measure,
back in the ring with a big boot, tag, snapmare, off the ropes, elbowdrop,
cover, 2, cover, 2, cover, 2, Funk tries to fight back but falls into the
wrong corner. Rhodes comes in to distract referee "Blind" Nick Patrick as
the doubleteam continues. Legdrop for 2. Tag, Funk tries to fight back
but no. Head into the corner, right hand, right, clubbin' blow - Funk
manages a backdrop suplex. DDT (or if you're Tony, a "great manoeuvre") by
Funk. The other Harris comes in, Funk ducks a clothesline and punches him
- he ends up staring at Rhodes, so he punches HIM instead, knocking him off
the apron. Funk takes him outside the ring. Funk signaling...SPINNING
TOEHOLD! Jarrett is off headset and he's got the guitar - but Funk sees
him, and now so does Patrick. Jarrett eases off the apron as we see SID
VISCOUS walk out. For some reason, Jarrett decides to kabong SOME GUY (I
guess he's expendable just in case he injures him?) but now Sid is chasing
him out of the building. We follow them out...then we come back to the
ring to see Dustin FINALLY get the tag - only to DDT Funk. WOTTA SHOCK!
You know, I think Rhodes learned that from the time he asked Arn Anderson
to be his partner and...but I digress. Patrick decides to call for the
bell (no contest? No opening bell - call it 6:00) Jarrett manages to
drive away JUST before Sid catches up to the car. Back in the ring, Rhodes
is ramming Funk's head into the mat. Another DDT. Hopefully he'll stop
wearing those red leather pants now. Here's a chairshot. Ring that bell!
Finally, they get everybody separated. Let's go to
Gene O. stands with Buff Bagwell - he's Buff and he's the Stuff.
Later tonight, a graphic for the "Last Man Standing Cage Match" Feel it!
During the break, a stretcher came out - good ol' Funk, old school as ever,
made sure to twitch convincingly even though NOBODY in the audience cared.
Funk's a pro.
Promotional consideration paid for by WCW Powerslam wrestlers (again),
Plus+White toothpaste, ToasterBreaks Pizza from Hot Pockets, IceSport from
Aqua Velva (again), Sauder furniture, and Mega-16 almost legal diet pills!
"Positively Page" ad
The stretcher carrying Terry Funk is about to be loaded into the
ambulance...but now Dustin Rhodes is out and beating up on Funk again - and
now he's driving off with the ambulance! Yo!
Gene O. welcomes SID VISCOUS out once again. Crowd actually DOES
chant "Sid" even though it doesn't come over the speakers. I hate doing
this, but... "See Jeff Jarrett, you come out here and spoutin' out the
mouth that you want a one-on-one contest WITH SID VICIOUS!! See I don't
believe you remember what happened to you last night, but it seems to me
you keep coming back for MORE! BIG MISTAKE!! Now Jeff I will give you the
one-on-one match but I fell it's only appropriate - the only appropriate
venue in the world should be AT UNCENSORED TWO THOUSAND!!!! YEAH!!! See
Jeff Jarrett, I like you, man. See you are witty - you are smart - you
keep me on my toes. But you think (whispering) that you're the master.
You ...can not be the master of the master or the ruler of the world. I
will see you in hell, Jeff Jarrett, and hell will be AT UNCENSORED TWO
THOUSAND!!!!!!" Whew. AND Phew. They are BUILDING THE COMPANY around
this guy. Guess it could be worse - could be....Hogan...
Backstage, Booker and Billy Kidman are held back from the Harris Brothers
by security. Hey, you thinking what I'm thinking? Maybe these guys would
be more over if we made a tag team out of them! Man, THEN we could make
some money!
Sting carries the power of the card! Hey, you know if you get that Konnan
card, it'll only get SUSPENDED - arf arf arf.
Gene O. stands with Ric Flair - he thinks that Dustin Rhodes did the right
thing by dumping Funk. Package is gonna end Hulkamania tonight. Woooo!
Stills from last night's stunning appearance of James Brown. Funk on a
roll! So...did James Brown turn heel...or is the Cat becoming a face? And
if he DOES become face...does that mean he'll stop calling us rednecks?
BUFF BAGWELL v. THE 'STRO (with the 'phony) - Maestro commands Symphony to
stay in the back, then rushes the ring and promptly takes the full brunt of
an onslaught from Bagwell, rights, lefts, swinging neckbreaker. Posedown
from Bagwell. Head to the abdomen from the Maestro, atomic drop, clubbing
blow, right, right, right, chop, into the opposite corner, Bagwell puts an
elbow up, Vaderbomb, Symphony IS back out, and Bagwell goes outside to put
a move on her - Maestro rolls out and charges - Bagwell steps aside and
Maestro CLOBBERS her! She would have fallen out, only there was nothing to
fall out, we all note. Back in the ring, Maestro is all over the man.
"Look how vicious the man is! Look how relentless!" Now before this turns
into a match, here's the NEW GODFATHER OF SOUL out to distract Maestro
enough for Bagwell to hit the Buff Blockbuster. 1, 2, 3. (2:04) After
Bagwell walks out, Cat says a bet's a bet and it's time for the 'stro to
pay up - Cat plays his NEW theme music - some rap of some sort. I'm sure
someone will tell me if it's REALLY important. Maestro goes FLAMBOYANT on
us - including an unwarranted attack on Billy Silverman, culminating in a
Cobra clutch - Symphony motions to Cat to PLEASE stop the music. Also she
keeps pulling up her dress, 'cause nothing's holding it up. (Craig: "Buy
some straps - or some breasts!") The music stops, and Maestro comes back
to reality...I guess.
The Wall is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Sid rushes into his limo and they give chase...to Jarrett, I
guess. Well, he's only got a twenty minute headstart, I'm sure he'll catch
up to him ...in Reno...for THUNDER!
Jimmy Barron files his Cheap Bastard Road Report. The problem is he
talks about the "relatively nice San Francisco weather," when 1) we're in
Sacramento and 2) it was POURING DOWN RAIN yesterday in San Francisco.
See, this is how it is when you PRETEND to be in California, when you're
really phoning in the report from ATLANTA. Hey, maybe Barron's at RAW!
Hey look! It's Chae & Tygress dancing in cages while DJ RAN gets all up in
our area! During the ad break, they play music that they don't have
clearance to play on television. (One wonders if they have clearance to
play it in the arena...but that's another story)
Let Us Take You Back to Saturday Night, where Hacksaw Jim Duggan fished the
World Television title out of the garbage, then defended the title against
Robert Gibson (yes, Robert Gibson). Afterwards, Steven Regal came out to
challenge Duggan - going so far as to put his career on the line. I
actually have no beef at all with any of this - it almost smacks of
somebody paying attention to me, after all - except the fact that I'm
pretty sure this match has already been taped and the wrong guy won...
TRIPPA B v. THE WALL - Wall doesn't wait for his music, jumping Bigelow
from behind. It's time for one of my favourite games, debuting this week
and sure to become a major fixture. YOU ARE THE WCW BOOKER: Bigelow is
reasonably over with the crowd. The Wall is not. How would you book this
match? If you said "give a decisive victory to the Wall, continuing his
inexplicable push and burying Bigelow at a time when we SHOULD be
rehabilitating him following the loss of his title belt," you COULD be the
WCW booker! Wall kicked out of the top-rope headbutt, kicked out of a
backdrop suplex, kicked out of an AMAZING standing enzuigiri from Bigelow,
hit a top rope chokeslam, and got the pin. (4:10) "The Wall is awesome!"
Yeah, he's a regular Bill Goldberg.
Backstage, Hogan repeatedly hits a cyclone fence with his cast and says
"Luger" in dramatic fashion
When we come back, Ric Flair talks to David Flair and Arn Anderson -
telling both of them they need to do what he says. Both men keep their
arms crossed. By the way, David's still insane, right? No? But
yesterday, he....ohhh my head is starting to hurt
The cage lowers...
Gene O. stands with Hulk Hogan, who says "Arco Arena." WOW! LOCAL
HEAT! Hogan says "Flexy Lexy" a lot, invokes the name of Jimmy Hart, says
there'll be no Sting flying from the rafters (huh?), says that "one man
walks in and one man walks out," then ends with "wha'cha gonna do when I
kick your ass too?" Then he breaks just before they cut to
Meanwhile, Flair and Package come across Jimmy Hart in his old school Hogan
jacket (dig that crazy old WCW logo!), then they push him RIGHT INTO THE
BIG BAG OF POPCORN!!!
TOTAL PACKAGE (with The Man & No Liz & James Hart) v. AD BREAK - They drag
him out, beating on him all the way. We take an ad break. Whaa?
During the break, they're a lot easier on him, only kicking or throwing a
forearm every so often. They're saving themselves for when it's actually
on TV, see.
Whoops, perhaps I was a bit hasty. The Torture Rack didn't seem to make it
on TV. I apologise to the Total Package.
TOTAL PACKAGE (with The Man & No Liz & James Hart) v. YOU KNOW WHO - the
music fires up, the lights go up, and Hogan works over Flair - double
noggin knocker! Hogan's got a chair! Wussy chairshot for Package! Wussy
chairshot for Flair! Flair chops, Hogan punches, Flair chops, no effect,
Flair hits him in the nuts, this stops him for about four seconds. Hogan
rakes Package's eyes, then waffles him with the chair. Flair on Hogan's
back - holding him for Package to ram Hogan with the chair. The SECURITY
is out to remove Flair from the ringside area - Hart is also helped off.
Both men are now in the cage, and the opening bell hits. A "Luger sucks"
chant is muted. Package stomping away on him. Package going to put his
head in the buckle, but Hogan fighting it. Gutshot, Ten Turnbuckle Count
Along. And now the shirt's off! Clothesline with the shirt, clothesline
without the shirt, choking with the shirt, head to the cage, kick, kick,
standing on the throat, right hand, Ten Cast Count Along, clothesline,
right, right, into the opposite corner, follow lariat, nine quick rights,
head to the cage is finally blocked, and Hogan's head meets the STEEL.
Package with a double axehandle. Stomp, forearm across the head. Crowd
chanting "Hogan" (no, really, they are). Head to the cage. Elbowdrop,
elbowdrop, elbowdrop. Package cups his ear. Field goal kick. Here's a
low blow for good measure. Package should go out the door and win
this....oh well. Another kick to the 'nards. It's stallin' time, I guess.
Package with the suplex - that SHOULD wake him up. Package calling for the
Rack. Got it. Package said he was going to Rack him and then leave.
Package ...well, NOW Hogan pops right up. There's the point, there's the
"I'm working the jackhammer," block, right, right, right, off the ropes,
big boot, ear cup as THE MAN once again runs out. Legdrop! Flair kicks
away at referee "Blind" Mickey J. and gets in the cage (he can DO that,
because Hogan doesn't bother with the door, he's getting ready to climb out
- doofus). Flair in - chop, chop, right, left, right, left, chop, Hogan
points, Flair with the "noooooo," I forget - is it 1991 or 1994 again?
Block, right, right, right, off the ropes, big boot, scoop slam, off the
ropes with a legdrop on Flair. Hogan covers Flair - as if THAT would get
him the victory...oh wait, at the first Uncensored ...brrrrr. Now Package
is awake again and trying to get on Hogan. No dice. Flair chops twice,
Hogan points again, Package gets him from behind again. Here's another one
of those sky-high double clothesline attempts, easily ducked, double
clothesline from Hogan hits. And now the belt is off! Package takes the
chair (thrown in by LIZ a couple minutes earlier) and waffles Hogan with
it. Edge of the chair to the gut! And now Flair has the belt and
he's WHIPPING Hogan like the proverbial government mule! Here comes DOUG
DILLENGER leading out security - Package puts him down with one double
sledge. Flair whips him! Flair holds the door closed while Luger
Pillmanizes Dillenger's arm. The other security folk are let in - and put
down. Flair whips folks with Hogan's belt one more time as the show ends.
What you didn't see after the show: Wow! Flair and Package LEFT! The
commentary team LEFT! The cage slowly raised - and Hulk Hogan's MUSIC
played! And I think he may have POSED for us! But I left early. Heck, it
was 7:15, we could still make a night of it!
I don't know. I mean, there clearly ARE people who are interested in
seeing Hogan and his ilk - it's just a question of does WCW think there are
actually enough of them to justify the salaries they're shelling out? I
think they've lost way too many of the non-rubes, though. (Right now, all
the rubes are ready to write me angrily denying their rubeness - please,
spare us both embarrassing yourself!)
The night wasn't a TOTAL loss, though. At my favourite record store in
Sacramento (closed at 9, so I had over an hour to browse) I FINALLY found a
vinyl copy of "Kraftwerk 2" - and it was MINT, BABY! A BARGAIN at $39.79!
Meanwhile, over at TNT, the Hercules marathon...continued...whoa! El Gigante!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net