teaser: Note to self: replace this bit with witty teaser comment before sending to producers by Christopher Robin Zimmerman WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs Happy (one day late) birthday, Aaron! ONE MORE TIME BABY!! QUICK QUOTES: AOL 66 7/8 (+ 5 9/16), TWX 93 13/16 (+ 7 5/16), SPLN 35 (- 22 3/8) - holy SHIT, Sportsline.com is down FORTY PERCENT?!? Those voodoo dolls Mike sent me DO work! WCW logo - six points - or no point - your call Here's some still shots (and a TV-14-DLS ratings box AND a close captioning logo) from last night's pay-per-view - just in case...you know....you MISSED it "Earlier Today," Sid Vicious - ARRIVED! and walked amongst the people. Opening bumper PYRO - WE ARE LIVE from Gainseville, FL and the University of Florida Swamp (and the O'Connell center!) - the date is 30.3.2K and GENE O. (who appears to be sober tonight) immediately sucks up to the locals and brings out SID VISCOUS for a few words. "The weight is off my shoulders, Mean Gene! And to you, Jeff Jarrett - I want to say something to you. See, you're not all that smart, are ya. See you've spouted out at the mouth for the last five or six weeks that 'I am going to Uncensored as the US title winner, and I am coming out the WCW Heavyweight Champion.' Naaah - that didn't happen! Gene, I'd like to tell ya a little story that would maybe illustrate what Jeff Jarrett's all about - see a guy once told me one time, you can take a pig - and put a purple ribbon around his neck - even go as far as bringing it into your living room - but he's still a pig - Jeff Jarret, you are a PIG and at Uncensored, I showed to you who the master the ruler is, and why this belt is around MY waist - because *I* deserve it!" Gene asks him what's next, but before he can give me some MORE entertainment, the music starts up and out comes JEDOUBLE JADOUBLEREDOUBLET along with the HARRIS BROS. Sid makes the "cryin' eyes" hand motion while Jarrett says "slapnuts." He's not done with Sid yet - oh no, not by a long shot. Jarrett says he wants another shot, but he knows Sid won't give him one - this not FIVE SECONDS after Sid asks him to "come get some," which apparently has some meaning of which I'm not aware. Anyway, Jarrett suggests a tag match - if he can pin Vicious, he gets another title shot; if Vicious pins Jarrett, he'll NEVER get another title shot again. Jarrett brings out his partner before Vicious answers - oh boy! - it's SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER fresh off his paid vacation and accompanied by the NWO GRRLZ. His mouth is taped with "CENSORED" written off it - but he removes the tape. Now, the last time Steiner spoke, I didn't censor it and I missed the words that got him taken off the air, so I guess this week I'll give it to ya. Pray for me. "Cut my music! You see, WCW couldn't censor me, and they sure as hell couldn't make me for showing up here tonight, and that's bad news for you, Sid Vicious, 'cause tonight I'm gonna kick your ass!" (Hulk Hogan's music briefly fires up here - oops) "And there ain't a damn thing you can do about it!" "I say, that's pretty good conversation coming out of a couple pigs like yourselves - but you know what? I don't need a tag team partner to kick your ass Scott Steiner, or your ass Jeff Jarrett. I don't need a partner but the truth be known is, it wouldn't really be that hard to find someone, 'cause behind those door has gotta be at least a list of twenty people would like to put their foot in (your ass)!" NOW they censor it? "Well, slapass - bring 'em on." "I say - hit the music!" and sure enough, out bounds YOU KNOW WHO. Hogan says Sid rules the world, and he knows all about these NWO chumps, 'cause he used to be the baddest man in the NWO 'til he shook off them ticks. Hogan offers to be his partner - he'll help "kick their ass." Sid gets on his knees in the ring. "I'm beggin' ya Hogan, please be my partner tonight and help me wipe out the NWO - ONCE AND FOR - AAAAAAALLLLLLLL!" Hogan says they'll get their ass kicked "maniac style, brother!" Now play his music! This portion of WCW Monday Nitro on TNT is brought to you by 1-800-COL-LECT! Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE and ROB VAN DAM. Schiavone goes over what happened with all the belts, Chris Candido - then turns to tonight. The main event, we just learned, is a big tag team match - Vicious and Hogan against Jarrett and Steiner. Also tonight, Vampiro takes on Total Package! The Nitro return of Sting...against Ric Flair! (Wait, didn't we just see that quite recently? Oh, wait, everybody was watching RAW that week.) Backstage, Total Package and Ric Flair give us exposition - tonight, Vampiro and Sting pay the price at the hands of Team Package (woooo!) NEXT: Hard Knox Chris Candido is WALKING! Whoa, how'd he FREEZE like that in midstep? Want to watch Nitro at the Spring Break Out? You need to pick up some wrist bands! If you need me to tell you where, you aren't smart enough to get over to wcw.com! RIKI RACHTMAN is at A.J. Sports in Tallahassee - or rather, was last Saturday. Campus Clash was at FSU - a fact not lost upon all the UF in-arena fans, who boo the entire clip and keep going as Gene O. talks to CHAVO GUERRERO JNR, who wanted to know how they could have a cruiserweight tournament without him. In case you missed his interview on Thunder a few weeks back, he's out for the belt because he needs the money that goes with it. THEN he picks Gene's pocket. Yeah! THE ACRONYM & PAISLEY join the commentary team. Guess which one talks? LASH LeROUX v. "HARD KNOX" CHRIS CANDIDO - Candido takes the mic and says he's got no gimmick, no catchphrases, and no trashy valet. Well, DAMN, does this mean no Tammy for us? Before Candido goes into one of his "hard knox" stories, LeRoux dropkicks him in the back of the head. Candido up, chain wrestling, LeRoux reverses, to the ropes. Lunging at him, drop toe hold, into the corner, hiptoss takeover by LeRoux, scoop slam, dropkick, into the ropes, knockdown by LeRoux - off the ropes, leapfrog, slides under, right misses, Candido hits an enzuigiri for 2. Vertical suplex coming up - half hour variety - Candido again gets 2. Scoop - and a slam. Candido on the second rope - guillotine legdrop - 2. LeRoux with a right, Candido sets him in the corner, knife-edge chop, right, into the opposite corner, Candido crotches himself. Off the ropes, LeRoux with a back body drop - into the ropes, LeRoux presses him up, and lets him drop. Bayou Blues! LeRoux on top - Candido crotches HIM - then he climbs up - right - both men on top - superplex! Candido to the top rope - swandive headbutt! 1, 2, 3! (3:05) Post-match...NOTHING happens. Wow! Backstage, XS talk about rizzats - then Miss Hancock appears and says that Wednesday, she's bringing Los Fabulosos to Thunder, and they'll see what she's been talking about! That's it, Nitro just became the #2 show. SEE YA! La Parka even makes WALKING! look good! Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim and Judge Wapner's Cash Scam - only two sponsors? Are they running out of 'em? Come on! I'm hungry for some sort of Hot Pocket product here! Close captioning where available brought to you by America (ha!) Online! FIT FINLAY (with still shots) v. LA PARKA - Finlay jobbed to Vampiro yesterday - at least I *think* that's what happened - it was REALLY dark out there. Also, I went to get a Slurpee during the match. "Skull, skull captain's in the hizzzzouse! When you scope the chair you don't need the 4-1-1 - it's the 1-4-1-4 - 1-4 me, and 1-4 mah homies! Hey buzzcut! I'm gonna give you one chance to step off 'fore I take this chair and bust your Lucky Charms ass!" These last two sentences seem to cause Parka some consternation as he frantically pantomimes that he didn't really MEAN to have those last two sentences dubbed in for himself. Parka puts the mic down and points to IT - Finlay KO's him with a right for his trouble. Scoop - slam. Kick, patented nose cave-in, elbowdrop - cover for 2. Commentators speculate that maybe, JUST MAYBE, that wasn't really La Parka's voice. Off the ropes, clothesline - 1, 2, nope. Fireman's carry - drops him on the top rope. Clubbing fist. Snapmare takover - big buttdrop, into the opposite corner, back elbow sends Parka flying. Another IRISH Irish whip, but this time the charge misses as Parka sidesteps it. TOPE BY LA PARKA!! On the outside, Parka sets up his chair - have a seat, Finlay! Kick for Finlay - now back in the ring for a pescado - but Finlay gets up and Parka goes into the chair head first! Back in the ring they both go. Parka doing the crane - Finlay doing it back - tumblin' slam by Finlay - 1, 2, 3. (2:22) Finlay tosses the mic to Parka - who decides he has no words for him. Booker and Kidman talk about watching each other's backs - Torrie looks pretty. Meanwhile, David Flair and Daffney are WALKING! The Nitro Spring Break Out 2000 is brought to you by Tough Actin' Tinactin and by TracFone! Doesn't that logo look like they made a mistake and had to cross something out? Vampiro talks a bit, then removes his cast. When he says "This might definitely might not be the smartest thing I've ever done," which particular decision do you think he's talking about? Let Us Take You Back to Last Night and a contrived chokeslam onto some "exploding spark" computer monitors. Also, Crowbar took a Foley bump in order to put the Wall over - what a deal for Crowbar! Gene O. welcomes DAVID FLAIR & DAFFNEY UNGER to the ring. Daffney's "WALL SUX" shirt is *not* video distorted. Before coming into the ring, Flair sets up a table outside the ring - presumbly so he can go through it in a couple minutes. "You know what, Mean Gene - I just heard from the hospital - and Bam Bam Bigelow and my best friend Crowbar are sharing a room - and there's one - SHUTUP! - and there's one bed left. So what I want you to do is get that big, tall, hairy goof out here right now so I can stick his fat head through that table so GET HIM OUT HERE! Get him out here right now." For an encore, Flair removes his own neck brace as THE WALL walks out, halts a wild swing of the crowbar by blocking it - gutshot - choke - whispers something in his ear - then lets him go...then as Flair turns his back, clubs him one - puts him through the ropes - and - Daffney gives him a blast with the fire extinguisher - Wall NO-SELLS it! Then, he - wait for it - chokeslams him through the table. SECURITY comes out (just a little late, guys) and off walks Wall - smiling... Next week, the WCW Spring Break Out 2000 - catch the live WebCast at www.tnt.turner.com! Brought to you by TracFone! Are you excited yet? Tickets going on sale Friday for Spring Stampede in Chicago, Nitro in Rochester, and Saturday for Peoria, Nitro in Rockford, and Thunder in Syracuse! PLEASE buy some tickets - those empty seats look EMBARRASSING on television! "Yo, kids! I'm Brian Knobs and I may be hardcore, but I use my head!" Har har. Tony Schiavone tries to throw it to the Wolverine boot stomp of the night, but instead of seeing a replay of the chokeslam, we end up seeing a "Total Package vs. Vampiro" graphic and also a "Ric Flair vs. Sting" graphic. And NOW we get that Wolverine Boots Stomp of the Night - a fire extinguisher spray that has no effect on the tough German bodyguard - oh, wait, he's from Jersey. Never mind. Flair's head actually BOUNCES off the table in this angle - yow. Subscribe to WCW Magazine and get this great centerfold of Torrie Wilson! BILLY KIDMAN (with Torrie Samuda & still shots) and BOOKA v. HARRIS BROS (with still shots) for the tag team championship - last night, Booker and Kidman came together and all was right with the world. Hey, you wanna bet it all falls apart tonight? Last night, the Mamalukes proved what a great team they were by jobbing away the titles in a match NOBODY cared about. Booker starts with...that's Don, right? Lockup, arm wringer by Booker, working the arm, chain wrestling, Harris power out, duck, clotheline, gutshot, axe kick! Breakdancing up - cover, 1, broken up, tag out to Ron. Tag in to Kidman. Now listen here: if *I* can tell them apart, and I'm watching them all the way out here on TV, can't Tony (sitting about twelve feet away) be bothered to tell them apart as well? Hell, freakin' TENAY can figure it out. Lockup, knee by Harris - put in the unfriendly corner for a bit of doubleteam action. Tilt-a-whirl slam by Harris. Pounding away on him. Into the ropes, pressing him up but Kidman dropkicks him and tags in Booker, and he's a HOUSE ON FIRE! Botched uranage on Don - almost-as-bad uranage on Ron - oof - cover - broken up at 2. Ron with a right, whips him into Don - but Booker reverses it and they collide - Kidman in with a tornado bulldog! Booker to the top to finish him off with the missile dropkick, but before he can do that, Don is over with a tag team championship belt - WHACK - and as Booker falls, referee "Blind" Nick Patrick calls for the bell (DQ 2:14). Torrie jumps on Don's back (!) - he pushes her off and before we can figure out if she fell out or not we zoom out - WAY out - Kidman is over with a chair to save her. Well, looks like they're not breaking up tonight... Backstage, the Mamalukes mope about losing their belts - Disco Inferno appears and gets blamed for the loss, as well as his inability to secure a rematch. Vito tells Johnny that "he's not hangin' with us no more" and promises to take care of things himself... Total Package and Elizabeth are WALKING! Yow, Liz! Meanwhile, Vampiro is WALKING! Here's that Total Package vs. Vampiro graphic - one more time Hey, that dude with the tray of Big Red - is he in like some GIANT UNISEX bathroom or something? THE NARCISSIST (with Liz & TV-14-DLS ratings box) v. RAW JUST STARTED - hey, no bottles, cans or coolers at South Padre Island next week, okay? (Also, no fun.) "Vampiro (or whatever your name is) - you want to step up to the major leagues? Well, tonight, you're going against a 93MPH fastball with a wiffle bat in your hands. Welcome to the major leagues, Vampiro - get your ass down here." Instead of making an entrance, Vampiro pops up in the ring behind Package and is illuminated by the explosion. Right, right, off the ropes with a spinning heel kick. Enzuigiri. Off the ropes with a lariat. Atomic drop. Knife-edge chop. Package sat up on the ropes - but before Vampiro can do anything with him, Package chops him down back to the centre. Big belly-to-back suplex. Big stomp, big kick, big kick, something's muted. Big kick, big kick, big kick, big kick, big kick. Big clubbin' forearm. Into the ropes - big military press - and a slam. Crowd chants a word that is usually muted on WCW telecasts as Package puts him through the ropes. Big double sledge from the apron! Big head to the STEEL steps. Got him by the hair - big press and he drops his neck on the barricade. Luger SMILING! Another big shot for Vampiro, then Package puts him back in the ring. package hops back in and there's a big kneelift. Into the ropes, big powerslam. Package motioning for the Torture Rack...picking him up by the hair once again - making a big show out of it - finally picking him up for the Rack, but Vampiro slips out, hits a spin kick, into the opposite corner, lariat, into the corner, coming out with a bulldog, face plant, off the ropes with a shoulderblock, to the top rope, flying clothesline - 1, 2, NO!!!! And now THE MAN is out as Vampiro hits a plancha - shot for Flair, superkick for Package, referee "Blind" Mickie Jay is over to tlk to Flair as Package WAFFLES him right between the eyes with the baseball bat - here's the big Torture Rack. See ya. (5:21) (THIS IS) STING comes out post-match to stop the doubleteam. Sting and Vampiro are pals now, you know. Gene O. stands in the NWO dressing room - Jarrett says he'll walk out with a title shot tonight. Steiner babbles incoherently, then coherently. Neither are worth reporting. TONIGHT: Hulk Hogan & Sid Vicious against Jeff Jarrett and Big Poppa Pump - the graphic don't lie! Also, the Flair/Sting graphic one more time Promotional consideration paid for by Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets (yeah!), Jolly Time Blast O Butter popcorn, and Sauder furniture NitroGirls.com spot "How to get your wrist bands" directions again - WOW! BETTER THAN EZRA! It's GOOD! Woo-we-ne-wa-na-WAA-ha Riki Rachtman gets insane with us and plugs the upcoming webcast next week Hey, look! It's the NITRO GRRLS! Gene O. shares some words with Dustin Rhodes. Tonight Curt Hennig will bite the dust! Last night, Sid Vicious held a post-match press conference in jeans only - ooh la la! Hulk Hogan interrupted to give his personal seal of approval to Vicious...then lingered as the press continued to ask him questions, ignoring Sid. Do you see where this is going? If not, the commentators are there to BEAT IT INTO YOU SCREAMIN' GATOR 96 (with still shots) v. WHO? HUGH! MORRUS - last night, the Screamin' Demons beat XS - c'mon, you KNOW you care. Side headlock by Smiley, arm wringer, reversed, into the ropes, dueling hiptosses, into the ropes, shoulderblock by Morrus, knee off the second rope misses, Smiley does him in da butt and smacks him up like he's his bitch, Morrus turns around and beats him senseless with rights. Into the ropes, shot from Smiley, gutshot, double underhook - Morrus stops him and backdrops him, Smiley rolls it through for 2! Headbutt by Smiley, right, into the ropes, reversed, duck, but not the elbow. Morrus off the ropes, laughing elbow, another, 1, 2, HE PULLS HIM UP!!!!!!!! I *always* mark out for that. Running powerslam. 1, 2, HE PULLS HIM UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugh Morrus is DA MAN. Scoops him up - Smiley squirts out and hits a schoolboy - 1, 2, no! Morrus bowls him over with a clothesline - looks like No Laughing Matter coming up - as it hits, "God of Thunder" starts up for no apparent reason. 1, 2, 3. (2:43) DEMON is out as "the biggest KISS fan on earth" fails to recognise "God of Thunder." Morrus attacks HIM, too, just for the hell of it. Nice powerslam. Morrus walks off. Hey, you know that on wcw.com, they actually came out and ADMITTED that Morrus' music was a complete ripoff of "The Zoo?" Yup! "Didn't get the Wiggle - but you got a little - giggle!" Get down, Morrus. Gene O. stands with Curt Hennig - he has some respect for Dustin Rhodes as a second-generation wrestler, but when you talk about putting him on a list - well, he's gonna earn some respect tonight! Meanwhile, Dustin Rhodes is WALKING! It must be NEXT! "Positively Page" ad - hey, if he's such a role model, how come he don't appear on TV no more? Gene O. - WOW! - stands in front of an EXCITING door! Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan are planning behind it - he'll talk to them ... after THIS match! DUSTIN RHODES (with still shots) v. CURT HENNIG - Last night, a guy in a chicken suit figured into the bullrope match. I think that says it all. PERFECT GUM SWAT!!! I hope the actual MATCH gets me that excited. Lockup, stalemate. Lockup, into the corner, no clean break as Rhodes hits a right, and another, into the opposite corner, hiplock takeover, armdrag by Hennig to counter - shoving match, kneelift, chop, right, right, Hennig in command now, another kidney shot - off the ropes, punch to the gut, patented kneelift, patented snap of the head. Rhodes begging off - and going to the eyes. Two uppercuts. In the corner, into the other corner, uppercut takes Hennig to the outside. Rhodes follows and so does referee "Blind" Nick Patrick. Rhodes takes the cast to the barricade, then kicks it - then rips it off...Patrick calls for the bell. (DQ 1:50) Rhodes isn't done, though - Hennig's head taken to the commentary table - KO blow for Patrick, back to Hennig. Hennig put back in the ring and he brings in a chair on his way back in. Chair to the broken arm! YOU KNOW WHO (?) comes out - one right puts Rhodes down - he's got the chair, and Rhodes decides it might be best to take his leave. Hogan raises Hennig's arm - Hennig's music sucks, so they don't play it again. Gene O. stands with Sid Vicious alone, as Hogan is occupied. "Double J, you're not that smart. See, you didn't come out of Uncensored as the World Heavyweight champion - the belt is still around my waist - hahahahahaha!! Hey, Jimmy! Thank God you're here - listen, tonight's me and Hogan, we're going against Jeff Jarrett and Big Poppa Pump - now you know those guys as well as I do, they're up to no good so I want you to take every precaution you can - be sure that *no one* is able to come to that ring and interfere tonight - you got that? Thanks, man! Thanks! See, what you did at the Uncensored, you came, and you took the Judgement Day. You found out who the master really is. I want you to put that in the back of your mind - and remember it - for the rest - of your - life. Hee hee hee...." NEXT: Tank Abbott is WALKING! Jimmy Barron and 1-800-CAL-LATT conspire to hype up next week's Nitro - PUH-LEEEEEEEEEEZE show up 1-800-CAL-LATT *also* bring you this portion of WCW Monday Nitro LIVE on TNT! Hey, I heard DJ Ran just there - somebody gets fired Sting carries the power of the card - the WCW Mastercard - rrrrrrrrroar Gene O. stands with the aforementioned Sting. He's gonna split Team Package right down the middle just like he did last night. Owoooooo! Showtime! Owoooooooo! TANK YEAHBABY ABBOTT YEAHBABY YEAHBABY (with still shots) v. BARBARIAN - Abbott coldcocked Doug Dillenger last night - I hear that Dillenger = buyrate. Backstage, Meng watches on a monitor and says to the camera "Not long now, Tank - not long at all!" Dammit, I KNOW I've recapped this match before. Ahh, HERE'S the twist. Barbarian takes referee "Blind" Billy Silverman and sits him on the top turnbuckle and tells him to stay out of it. Abbott ducks a strike and now they're trading blows. Barbarian taking control? Chop, chop, elbow, off the ropes, spear attempted but failed - Abbott with a forearm - slings him over his shoulder, then dumps him to the mat. Now clubbing him in the back - got him in a facelock. Dueling holds - Barbarian puts him down! In the corner - right, right, Barbarian pummeling away - Silverman cautiously over to break it up. AGAIN Barbarian picks him up and sets him down on a corner. I have a feeling he'll turn around into a knockout punch - whoops, if the left one don't getcha, the right one will. Abbott at least manages to wait for Silverman to ring the bell (ref stop 1:46) before leaving the ring Ric Flair is WALKING! And TALKING! Meanwhile, Sting is content to limit his activity to merely WALKING! Hey, how'zabout that Sting/Flair graphic one more time... Hey! How'zabout one more list of directions to get your wrist bands? You know what would be fun? If a whole bunch of people WITHOUT wrist bands just STORMED the place...oh you didn't get that idea from me... Riki Rachtman wastes our time one more time WCW Magazine features an article on the Man Called Sting - by God, if THAT don't make you want to subscribe RIGHT NOW I don't know WHAT will THE MAN (with still shots) v. (THIS IS) STING (with still shots) - one more time - Last night, Hogan managed to win the Yapapi strap match without pinning Vader - I KNOW that's the third or fourth time you've heard that joke, but it's STILL funny! Sting comes to the ring to that Metallica song, unlike last night. Last night, HE won in the lumberjack cast match thanks to his new best friend Vampiro. Lockup, to the corne, Sting shoves him away. Woooo! Woowww! Lockup, side headlock by Flair, Sting powers out, knockdown with the shoulderblock. Flair gets up. Woooo! Lockup, side headlock by Flair, Sting powers out, Flair knocks him down, they run the ropes, leapfrog, press and drop by Sting. Sting whips him into the corner - FLAIR FLIP!! Sting clotheslines him to the floor, then follows out. But an eyepoke shifts the momentum to the Nature Boy. Into the barricade! Sting runs out with a clothesline. Flair's head meets the barricade. Another eyepoke by Flair. Chop, chop, oh DON'T actually SAY "he's not sellin'" for crying out loud! Flair runs back in the ring and begs off. Sting with the hiptoss, dropkick, Flair with a kick and a straight right. Flair brings him into the ropes, Sting ducks, Flair ducks and Sting lands on the ropes. Flair measuring him - field goal kick! Flair asks referee "Blind" Charles Robinson to check with the timekeeper, then kicks him squar in the nuts. Rake of the face. Woooo! In the corner, right hand, left, right, chop, chop, woooo! Chop, but Sting is starting to not feel it - chop, nothing, kick, Sting flexes, chop, nope, Flair begs off, sening him into the ropes - press, slam. Flair to the eyes AGAIN - climbing to the top - THAT MOVE NEVER WORKS!! Beals him in. Running clothesline by Sting - another - THE NARCISSIST is in - HE eats two clotheslines - Stinger splash on Package! Stinger splash on Flair! Stinger splash on Package! Stinger splash on Flair! Wooowww!!! Setting up for the Sharpshooter - Flair's giving up! Package pulls out Robinson but the bell rings. (5:20) Tony: "I'm not so sure what the official call is, and I'm not so sure it matters..." well WHY THE HELL HAVE THE DAMN MATCH IF IT DOESN'T *MATTER*?!? Sting beats on Package until Flair interrupts a Ten Punch Count Along at Five with a well placed nutshot - and one more for good measure. LIZ is out as well now. Doubleteam ensues - and if you think VAMPIRO will come out to make the save, why, you're right. Now play "Seek and Destroy" again! The NWO is WALKING! Sid Vicious and Hulk Hogan are WALKING! The graphic just might be WALKING! By the way, the WCW Spring Break-Out 2000 is brought to you by Tough Actin' Tinactin and Tracfone Let's look at all them still shots ONE MORE TIME - helps to hype the encore presentation JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET & SUPERSTAR SCOTT STEINER (with the Harris Bros and NWO Grrlz) v. SID VISCOUS (with still shots) and YOU KNOW WHO - Tony's voice gets all weird as he shills for the encore presentation. Jarrett sends the breasts away 'cause he's a heel. Steiner sneaks over and tells us that Hogan wasn't (crap) without the NWO getting his back. Last night, Sid Vicious kept the title with help from Hogan. Something else gets muted as Hogan comes out. It seems to me that if you're going to rely on guys like Hogan and Flair to rebuild your company, it might be a good idea to hire a colour guy who isn't intent on completely burying them every chance he gets. But hey, that's just me. The ratings WERE better with Heenan in that seat, weren't they? Hogan offeres to start against Jarrett. Knee by Jarrett, right, head to the buckle, right, OH MAN! HE SAID "SLAPNUTS" AGAIN!! Hogan blocks the hiptoss attempt - again - why, I think he's hulking up! Right, right, right, right, chop, right, right, big beal - clothesline, clothesline, boot of Vicious held up - tag to Vicious - guess he can't turn on him this early - into the ropes, double clothesline. Right, Jarrett to the eyes. Into the opposite corner is reversed, Jarrett puts up the boots - then crotches himself on Vicious' arm (oof). Vicious with a spinebuster. Tag to Hogan. Boot. Right. Climbing up for a Ten Punch Count Along - I wonder if he'll munch on his skull - yeah, after eight! THE BACK RAKE!!!! Sid with a right, Hogan with a right, tag to Sid. Into the ropes, in the choke - Steiner comes in and pounds down Vicious. I was WONDERING if he was in this match. Jarrett makes the tag. Kick, elbow, in the corner, kick, kick, kick, kick, chop, chop, T-bone Tazzplex, did he give a "fuck you" to Hogan that did NOT get muted? Get down! A middle finger for emphasis as well. Jarrett makes the illegal switch since referee "Blind" Mickie Jay is chatting with Hogan. Jarrett wailing away with rights, then tagging Steiner back in. Front face - into the ropes, clothesline, elbowdrop, 1, 2, no. Stiener grabs Jay - nope. Front face by Steiner, tag, double sledge by Jarrett, uppercut, tag, kick, into the corner, Vicious puts up a boot, then crawls his way to Hogan - HOT TAG! Tag to Jarrett - knockdown, knockdown, knockdown, into the ropes, clothesline, clothesline for Steiner, double noggin knocker coming up! Fans chanting "Hogan" as Sid looks around and everyone makes a big deal about it. Right for Jarrett, right for Steiner, double clothesline takes both men out. Steiner sent into the ropes - big boot! Same deal for Jarrett - Vicious is up as Hogan motioning to the fans - ready to go off the ropes for the big leg on Jarrett but Vicious catches him IN the choke - chokeslam!! Sid covers Hogan....huh? Jay counts...1, 2, 3. (5:30) Good God, not only does that make very little sense (I KNOW they pretended to build it up all night - I KNOW they had their incredibly inept oaf of a colour commentator try to spoon-feed us the concept ALL NIGHT - even at the risk of ruining the "surprise" aspect of it - because, hell, what good is it to try and surprise us anyway, right?) but....well, despite weeks of quarter hours proving REPEATEDLY that Hogan and Sid are NOT what's drawing - what's on top? I guess the only saving grace is that by wrestling each other, they at least don't drag down two other performers by taking part in INDIVIDUAL feuds. Still...what do you have Jeff Jarrett do now? Do he and Sid team up despite their MONTHS of feuding? And how does Scott Steiner fit into all this? Does WCW really think that jobbing higher up the card is equivalent to giving a push, and that that works? And...most of all...does ANYONE even care to stick around to find out the answers to these questions? At least on Wednesday, we'll get Los Fabulosos...and Bobby Heenan! Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net