by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
BLATANT PLUG: Strange, isn't it? One year ago, Chris Jericho debuts on RAW is WAR - TWO years ago, he won the television title. Check out my Two Years Ago on Nitro report at http://www.CRZ.net/wrestling/nitro/980810.html. Now, so my producers will keep that link active, here's a WrestleLine link to the One Year Ago on Nitro report: http://www.wrestleline.com/wcw/nitro/crznitro81099.htm. I wish I had something cool to hype THAT with, but I don't think that saying "Chad Brock sang" is gonna be enough to get you over there. Oh, wait - HULK Hogan returned that night. Holy shit - it's been a WHOLE YEAR since that?!?
OTHER STUFF: Quick Stanislaus County Fair results (6 August 2000 - Turlock, CA) -
Thunderfoot Charlie Norris p Doink the Clown (8'50" Thunderfoot -> pin),
The Hollywood Brat Cheryl Russa DDQ Tammy Storm (7'18"), George "the
Animal" Steele p "Mr. Fantastic" Tommy Rogers (3'04" spike to the throat),
World Midget Champion Beautiful Bobby D p Little Kato (14'54" top rope
splash), Tito Santana (with Jimmy Snuka) b Big Ron Harris (with Heavy D
Harris) (9'58" ref reverses decision), Hacksaw Jim Duggan p Meng (7'41"
three point stance clothesline) - I think this troupe is hitting a few more
county fairs here and there - go ahead and check 'em out if they're in your
neck of the woods; it's a great old school time. If you're REALLY hard up
for show results, I can go into more detail about this card, but you better
be ready with a big-time bribe or something. Oh, by the way, Duggan was
announced as "current WCW Television Champion," for whatever that's worth...
QUICK QUOTES: AOL 53 (- 1/4), TWX 76 5/16 (- 3/8), SPLN 17 1/2 (+1 3/4 -
last year this time--whoa, 17 1/2)
WCW logo - and the baby tomato was turning to ketchup
TV-14-DL ratings box - close captioned logo - Let's Take a Special Video
Look at Goldberg, Nash and Steiner
I GET LETTERS: Hey.
Just a thought, as I watch the opening of Nitro. It's all about Steiner,
Goldberg, and Nash, and the very 'real' atmosphere swirling around all
three. The 'real' comments in shoot interviews, the 'real' fighting, and as
you say, 'the real realness of it all.''
So I realize what they're building to - in yet another WCW Celebrity moment,
they're going to have Sammy Sosa as the special guest referee!
Every few moments, he'll stop in awe of the action, stare at the camera, and
murmur: "Eeet's soo reeeeal!"'
Earlier Today, Scott Steiner pummeled a cameraman in between bouts of WALKING!
Meanwhile, Earlier Today, Kevin Nash was WALKING!
Looking live, Bill Goldberg is WALKING! He asks Dillinja if Nash is
around, and Doug nods.
WE ARE LIVE from the NoCoke Center in Denver, CO and lookit the pyro...and
mud pit...it's 7.8.2K and it's time, once again, to click over to TNT and
endure two hours... of...WCW Monday Nitro!
JUNG DRAGONS (already in the ring) v. THE PAINT JOBBERS - Let Us Take You
Back to Last Monday where Sting was placed in a burning sarcophagus.
Before the match even begins, JOBBED TO DAVID ARQUETTE comes out to take
fourth headset and tell us how excited he is to be a part of the upcoming
Tank Abbott/3 Count project. Jamiesan hits a great somersault plancha over
the ringpost and the corner onto Demon and Vampiro. Oh, there's a ladder
in the ring. Kaz on top - this ladder looks legitimately about twelve feet
high. Instead of diving, the ladder starts to push the other way when he
leans forward, so he kinda just falls flat on the canvas instead. That was
SICK. Demon tosses Yang outside, then tosses the ladder outside the ring -
no need for any more near death experiences tonight. Sunday, it's a double
ladder match betwixt the Dragons and 3 Count - I wonder how Evan Karagias'
ankle is doing. I wonder if the bookers care how his ankle is doing. A
gold record and a recording contract will hang from the ceiling. Does this
sound like a match you would want to pay for? Let's flash ahead - Muta
with the dragon screw legwhip on Yang, into the anklelock but Jamiesan and
Kaz make the save with a double dropkick to the seated Muta. Everybody's
in. Vampiro spikes Jamiesan with the Nail in the Coffin while Demon takes
out Kaz with the "God Gave Rock and Roll to You." With those two removed,
Yang attempts a comeback with the walking backflip on Muta...but charges
right into the green mist. Bodyslam by Muta. Vampiro holding referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson in position as if to say, "hey, check this out -
somebody in my posse is gonna actually score a pinfall!" and Muta
moonsaults Yang for the 1, 2, 3. (5:04) Almost immediately the lights go
out and Metallica starts playing. (THIS IS) STING appears and takes his
bat to all three guys, completely nullifying the won they just got. Wow,
we just buried SIX guys! This is WCW! For an encore, Sting will speak.
"Well that's three out of four - the Stinger came to Nitro tonight lookin'
for a fight! One more on the list...because it's showtime, folks!
Goldberg, I'm not leaving this ring until you get out here!" Tony starts
wailing about something happening backstage between Kevin Nash and Goldberg
but we're not interested in that - it's time for DJ Ran to spin some tunes
while we go to the first set of commercials!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (Savage), Judge Wapner's
Cash Scam, Motel 6 7/8, and America (ha!) Online. Can you BELIEVE I've
used some of these same smartass advertiser nicknames for OVER TWO YEARS?!?
Consistency is the key to audience rapport, friends...consistency is the
key to audience rapport. That, and repeating things very slowly for
emphasis. Ah, yes. Repeating things very slowly for emphasis.
During the Break, security pulled apart Goldberg, Nash, and Steiner. Even
the cops got involved! Oooh!
Sting regarded all this on the big screen...then decided to leave the ring.
At this point, the siren started up and out walked WHITE THUNDER with a big
pipe. "Hey Sting! I heard you're lookin' for Goldberg! Well, I'm lookin'
for Nash, but right now you happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong
time, so now you gotta figure out a way to get this pipe out of your (ass),
'cause I'm about to sh(ove it), you got that boy? You got that boy? Then
he runs at him, puts the pipe in the ribs, clotheslines him, misses
sandwiching him on the post, then puts him in the ring and whacks him mit
his own bat. Steiner gets muted again while laying on the badmouth.
He almost goes for a fan...but stops short. Damn! Tony: "I wanna
tell you something - when Steiner, Goldberg and Nash get into the ring on
Sunday, I don't know what's going to happen!" Ummm...does he EVER know
what's going to happen? And geez, another ad break already? Well, all
right...let's roll with it...
Wanna win a trip to Vegas to see WCW Halloween Havoc? Log on to wcw.com.
NOW! Also, don't miss the TNT Original Movie "Witchblade." It's just like
the Matrix! I think that's what they wanted me to think.
COMMISSIONER CAT hits the ring in black suit, black shirt and white tie.
The boy's a timebomb! "Okay, since I'm the commissioner [thanks, we
forgot], I'm gonna take control of this show tonight, right now. Goldberg
- Nash - if either one of you jackasses do anything to mess up my show
tonight, I'm not gonna send you home, because somebody in the office might
pay you. [Oooh, insider reference!] But what I'm gonna do - I'm gonna
send your asses ja- straight to jail. I'm gonna have both of you chumps
put away for the night, you hear me? And now, for you, Big Poppa Dump, you
know I hate yo ass - you just make me so mad, but I'm gonna tell you, every
time I see you, you got that damn pipe in your hand, like you're a big man.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do tonight, since you love that pipe. I'm
gonna put that pipe in the centre of the ring, and hang it from a pole, and
we gonna have a pipe on a pole match. And I know I wanna see it, and I
know these fans wanna see it. We gonna see you get yo' ass WHIPPED! So
tonight, I'm gonna put you in that pipe on a pole match with you....and
Sting - RIGHT here in this damn ring! So now, if you people can sit your
asses down, I want the people in the back to hit my music, 'cause I feel
like dancing - hit my music!" But it's not his music...it's LANCE STORM's.
"Hey Commissioner - since you're out here booking matches, why don't you
book me the match I deserve? The match Canadian fans wanna see. The match
these American fans are afraid of! Book me a World Title match wth Booker
T, so that I can become the first ever Grand Slam champion." "Okay, now
just wait a minute, wait a minute. I want you to tell your Canadian fans
to kiss my American ass! But, but, you know, hey, I'm a tell you what, I'm
gonna let the American fans choose if they wanna see you tonight in a match
with Booker T!" Fans boo. "So...wait a minute...I wanna see Booker T kick
your Canadian ass all over this place! So hey, chump - do you people wanna
see Booker T whip that ass? Now, wait a minute, I got one more thing - we
have spoken!" Cat's music plays - and he dances.
Your hosts include TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. They are joined by BILLY
KIDMAN, who says that he hasn't been very nice to Torrie Wilson as of late
- it got way too personal, and by way of apology, he declares tonight
"Torrie Appreciation Night." There'll be more from him later.
WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: KRONYKK v. MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE - Let Us
Take You Back One Week where the illegal whined about the ref counting a
fall for the legal man. This match, apparently, is a result of the
continuing argument from last week. PERFECT EVENT come out to provide
guest commentary, run their one note ("Tony Jabrone") into the ground, and
possibly run in later. High Time on Jindrak - O'Haire saves at 2. Clark
with the Meltdown on Jindrak - O'Haire saves at 2. Seantonbomb on Clark -
for 2. Oy. O'Haire gets Clark up for a superplex - but Adams is in
and he's got him on his shoulders. Stasiak is up with the Lex Flexor to
Clark sitting on the turnbuckle (DQ 4:19 - hmmm) Palumbo throws a flexor
to Jindrak and HE starts swinging it. Gee, you think he'd be unhappy that
his tag team title shot was just ruined, but no. It must be a SHOCKING
SWERVE!! I wonder what the Cat thinks of this outside interference? The
FILTHY ANIMALS come out and attack...Kronic. Eight-on-two beatdown is
stopped when the MISFITS IN ACTION (sans Stash) run out. THIS is the NEW
World Entrance Federation! The Juice and Disco Inferno abscond with the
tag team belts in all the hubbub, bub.
Promotional consideration paid for by Disney's "Buzz Lightyear of Star
Command: the Adventure Begins," Corn Nuts, America (ha! again) Online,
Motel 13 3/4, and Wizards of the Coast's Nitro Trading Card Game!
Hey, look, there's the mud pit again.
General Rection addresses the troops - their mission tonight is to walk
around looking for the Filthy Animals, and return the belts to Kronic.
Gunns says something about Hancock and the mud and nakedness - I dunno, it
all reduces to an annoying buzz when you stop paying attention...
BUFF DADDY & JUDGE JUDY BAGWELL v. "POSITIVELY" KANYON & ? in a mixed tag -
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, where Pamela Paulshock, Gene Okerlund,
and Judy Bagwell got involved in all sorts of wacky hijinks. The
Judy/Torrie catfight is a personal favourite which I'm sure I'll be telling
my grandchildren about someday. Backstage, Franchise is echoing his
concerns about any possible ulterior motives Kidman may have about this
"Torrie Apprecition Day" nonsense. Meanwhile, Kanyon appears and tells
Torrie she's been assigned as his tag team partner. "Do I look like
another bimbo in a D cup bra? No! This is Torrie Appreciation Day! I am
not getting sweaty - go find yourself another bimbo. I am not it." Kanyon
walks off...and, spying PAMELA PAULSHOCK waiting in the interview position,
grabs *her* and pulls her to the ring. Pamela, not being a wrestler, pouts
a lot. Of course, on the other side we've got Judy Bagwell, still in neck
brace. I have a standing policy to not bother with mixed tag matches, and
see no reason to relent on it now. Paulshock refuses to tag in, despite
repeated reaches by Kanyon. Judy Bagwell is on the line on Sunday as
Kanyon takes on Bagwell - say, does that make you want to pony up? Come to
think of it, isn't that match sorta taking place RIGHT NOW for free? Wow!
Judy just gave Kanyon the finger! I hope she'll SWEAR later! Kanyon
tosses Bagwell outside, then saunters over to Judy and gives her a right
hand to the collar - she collapses to the mat, then to the floor, with all
the speed of a snowflake. Referee "Blind" Jamie Tucker goes outside to
check on Mama while Kanyon walks over to Pamela, who asks him to please
talk to her hand. Kanyon grabs her hand...and she slaps him with her other
hand. Kanyon brings her in by her hair and gets prepared to give her the
the Kanyon Cutter...here comes GENE O., who works tonight! trotting out to
play the gallant white knight. Slap, kick in the nuts, Bagwell back in for
the Buff blockbuster, Tucker back in to count, 1, 2, 3. God love ya if you
actually get entertained by this. (2:43) Okerlund takes off with an arm
or two around Paulshock. Buff picks up his mom and tells the camera that
he's buff and they together are the stuff.
New Blood Rising is SUNDAY!
The commemtators talk about the pulled Russo interview from Thunder.
Here's another try, but first one commentator in particular works up a
major ass-kissing for Vince Russo. I can't WAIT until Russo is gone, and
he takes that clown down with him. I've totally lost interest in
transcribing these "shoots," but I figure this'll be my going away present
for Vince. Also, we'll all want to look back on this - and LAUGH - so here
Tony Schiavone: Vince, the first question I want to ask you is the
question everybody wants to ask Vince Russo, and you know what it is. And
it's about Hulk Hogan and Jeff Jarrett at Bash at the Beach, and the match
- was that part of the script, or was--
VINCE RUSSO: Well, Tony, y- you know we're doing this interview over 'cause
I said some things on Thunder I couldn't say and I can't say 'em again...
I realise that. I know.
...but I will say this, um...I - I like to be honest with the fans, I
always speak my mind, you know that about me. But this is a, uh, this is
an instance where I can't. Umm, but there will come a time - there will
come a place when I will tell the entire story of what happened at Bash at
the Beach, but unfortunately, that can't be tonight.
Talk to the lawyers, absolutely.
OK. You came here - it's, it's been less than a year, but when I
found out you were coming here from the World Wrestling Federation in
September of last year, my first thought was, why would Vince Russo want to
leave the WWF and come here? You had a lot of success there, why did you
Well, Tony, there are a lot of reasons, but I - I think the main reason was
because it was a great, great challenge. I mean, in the WWF I was writing
the television - the ratings was six-nine, seven, and, and at that point I
felt that the WWF had really peaked - and if you look back at WWF now in
the last ten months, they've been exactly where they were when I left. Um,
I - I looked at WCW as a great challenge, and what I saw here was I - I
sawr a whole breed of a New Blood that was stuck somewhere in the middle,
because for whatever reason they couldn't break that "establishment." Um,
this - this talent couldn't break through. Um, I strongly felt that if I
were able to help them get through and to help them break the politics -
um, that WCW could give WWF a run, and, y'know, to this day I believe that.
You know, you said "for whatever reason," but you and I both know
what that reason is, and it's that same reason that after three months here
of taking our TV and turning it in - a direction that you wanted to see it
go in, that you were on the outside once again. How did that make you
Well, Tony, it's - it's all about politics. And, and again, there was an
"establishment" in WCW - um, you know th- th- there was a guard that didn't
want to let the hungry lions through. I mean, let's face it. You know it,
I know it. And it wasn't benefiting WCW; what it was doing was it was
benefiting the individual - individuals. Well, um, you know, I - I think
we've eliminated a lot of those individuals, and I think now you're finally
starting to see the New Blood of WCW come through, working their asses off
in the ring, and finally WCW is getting to a place that it needs to be.
Did you feel that it would be this tough, of breaking through the
No. I - I honestly didn't, Tony. I mean, you know, let's face it, you
know, three months, uh, my first time here, I take the ratings from a
two-eight to a three-four in three months, three-four was the last show I
did, next thing I know, you know, I-I'm home watching Sigmund and the
Sea Monsters with my daughter. It blew my mind, but again, it's the
wrestling business. It's politics. But, but for - for that New Blood, and
for those hungry lions, you know I made a promise to them, and- and the
promise was that I was gonna see through it that the right thing was done.
You know, for the longest time here when I was in the WWF, it - it was a
joke how WCW was an ATM machine. There were "high-priced players" who-
who- who didn't perform in the ring, who went through the motions and
collected their paycheque, laughing all the way to the bank. That wasn't
gonna get WCW anywhere, and it didn't get WCW anywhere - where it was
getting WCW was deeper and deeper and deeper into a hole. Um, you know,
now, w-w-with Booker T as the champion and, and and guys like Booker
leading the way, WCW, after ten months of me being on this job, is finally
in a place that it needs to be.
But it hasn't been an easy ten months for you. You came back
after, after three months, and then you're on the outside. April tenth you
come back, and you form the New Blood, and we're back on the direction that
you wanna be, but you've had to be involved, more than just behind the
scenes, you've been involved physically in many angles.
Well, Tony, you know, again, I, I, I was so bitter with what happened in
sitting home for the three months, w- when I came back to WCW, I came back
with a vengeance. And I came back really willing to do anything I possibly
could do to help this company - if it meant, you know, climbing to the top
of a steel cage with Ric Flair, then, then so be it, you know, I did what I
had to do, and uh, you know, as I said it's not about "me," it's about
"we," and if- if me being in front of the camera was gonna help this
company, you know, I had no problem with that.
You told me, ah, when you came back, or... after you made your run
and after you had the match against Ric Flair that you would never be in
front of the camera again - do you still feel this way?
Well, Tony, yeah, I mean, you know I don't, I don't - I don't wanna be on
TV, you know, I'm not one of the boys, I like, I like working with the boys
and making them the best that they can be. But the reality is, I know Ric
Flair has a receipt with my name on it. And, uh, you know, one thing, and
again, eh, work or shoot, I'm - I'm shootin' with ya, and this is the first
time I've ever said this and I, I truly mean this.
Um, you know, coming from Long Island, you know I'm a New Yorker. I've got
my eye on Starrcade, which is in December at the Nassau Colesium - my
backyard, as a matter of fact, my radio show started at the Nassau Colesium
almost about ten years ago. Um, I would love nothing better, Tony, than in
New York, Long Island, my backyard, than to get John Rocker in the middle
of that ring, at the Nassau Colesium for Starrcade, and you know what,
whether Rocker wants to work or shoot, I really don't care, but for every
New Yorker out there, I'd love to kick his ass.
You're serious about this, aren't you.
I - I'm DEAD serious about that.
All right. New Blood Rising is on the horizon. Do you feel this
is the - the pinnacle of your efforts in WCW?
This is it - I mean, ten months, I can honestly sit here and tell you that
WCW is in a place that it needs to be. I don't care what the ratings are,
Tony, I mean, we - we are at the starting point right now. Again, I've
talked about the (mute?)lions and now they have control of this company.
Now it is all up to them - our future is in their hands. They wanted the
opportunity, well now I've handed it to them on a silver platter, I gotta
tellya, from - from Billy Kidman to Shane Douglas to, to every guy back in
the locker room, I have the confidence that WCW is gonna be back on top
again with these guys leading the way.
In the three-way dance with Goldberg and Kevin Nash and Scott
Steiner which has everybody talking - not only the fans but all of us
behind the scenes - we wanna know what's going to happen, because if we can
read between the lines in these interviews, we've got guys saying
regardless of what they or Vince Russo wants, I'm gonna do what I want in
Well, Tony, let - let me - let me erase the lines and tell you how it is, I
mean the reality is, and I'll say it again, there is no "me" anymore, this
isn't about "me," this is about "we." This is about what's best for the
company. You know, a certain individual came out here a coupla weeks ago
and said "you know, quite frankly I don't like some of the guys I work
with, and I - I don't like some of the people I work for." Well, you know
what, I don't like some of the people that work for me - that's a shoot.
And, and the shoot is there are three guys in that ring; two I like, one
I'm not crazy about. But I know that the end result in that ring will be
what's best for WCW, not what's best for an individual, but what's best for
me, you, the guy shootin' this interview, and everybody in this company.
The finish of that match will be what's best for this company, and that
will be cut and dried.
Powers that Be. Creative Control. Curt Hennig. Shane. AC Jazz. Larry
Zbyszko. Oklahoma. Madusa. Evan Karagias. Spice. Dr. Death Steve
Williams. Pinata on a pole. La Parka. Big Vito. Johnny the Bull. Tony
Marinara. The Revolution renouncing their citizenship, then forcing
Hacksaw Jim Duggan to renounce HIS citizenship. The Varsity Club. The NEW
World Order. Goldberg putting his arm through a window. David Arquette.
Sting's heel turn. Goldberg's heel turn. Horace and Kidman fighting over
Torrie - and Hulk kissing her. GI Bro. Hugh Morrus' "Pops." Eric
Bischoff. Killing "WCW Saturday Night." Killing the World Television
title. Killing the World Cruiserweight title. Killing the World
HEAVYWEIGHT title. It's not what Vince Russo said - it's what he DIDN'T
say - and what he's done.
The problem is, there are so MANY openings in what he's said above that I
just don't have time to properly smartass my way through it. Maybe later
in the week...or you can just go visit tOA where others are already doing a
fine, fine job of it without me. Suffice it to say that Russo will be
lucky to even be *involved* in wrestling ANYWHERE, come Starrcade. "And
that's a shoot."
That and...a New Jersey Nets warmup jacket and no shirt? How gauche!
(THIS IS) STING (with the TV-14-DL ratings box) v. WHITE THUNDER in a pipe
on a pole match - Hey, Steiner's officially lost all his women now, huh?
Steiner pulls referee "Blind" Mark Johnson in front of him, causing
a collision and knocking him out. Run in is by RICK WOOF WOOF, who grabs
the pipe while Sting Stinger splashes Scott. Sting turns to Rick, who
drops the pipe where Scott can pick it up. Johnson comes to and calls the
match for Steiner. (3:25) I don't regret for a minute that I didn't call
this match - instead, I wonder what the Cat thinks of this outside
interference. Pipe for Sting. Steiner Recliner with pipe choker added.
Here comes KEVIN NASH with a chair, fending off two pipe shots. Steiner
chucks down the pipe as Nash chucks the chair and they go at it, Rick
helping out. Now Scott's back on Sting. SECURITY is out to try to keep
all these people apart. Tony: "If you only see one pay-per-view, it better
Jeff Jarrett shills TracFone
The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report says that Nitro will take place in Kelowna,
BC next week. Umm, WHERE?
The Castrol Motor Oily replay is from Moments Ago - or four paragraphs ago
- who cares
AWESOME MULLET & MIGHTY HEIDI join the commentators, who tell us that Cat
just booked Nash & Sting against the Steiner brothers.
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: LANCE STORM v. BOOKA T - Good LORD Heidi has a
Southern accent. "If I could be serious for a minute...tonight, I fulfill
my destiny as an all-time Canadian great. I will follow in the footsteps
of other great Canadians, like Wayne Gretzky, Jonathan Bailey, Doug Flutie,
Warren Moon, the world's greatest quarterback. Because tonight, I make
Booker T. submit, and I become World Heavyweight Champion. It's not my
fault I'll be the first ever Grand Slam champion. It's not my fault I go
to New Blood Rising in Vancouver, Canada with all the gold. It's not my
fault - I'm That Damn Good. Don't blame Canada - blame yourself. All rise
for the playing of the Canadian national anthem." But "Theme from Harlem
Heat" plays instead. A little early in the show for this match, don't you
think? If you're wondering who will win this match, Tony tells us there'll
be a special Booker T interview played on Thunder this week. JESUS, now
THERE'S some suspense for ya. They'd be very wise to not have a run-in
during this match. T leads the crowd in clapping - then they bust out a
"USA" chant. Lockup, side headlock by T, chain wrestling, Storm powers
out, shoulderblock by T. Off the ropes, up and over, Storm leapfrog, SOME
GUY delivers food to Awesome and Heidi...they just CAN'T have a match in
WCW, can they. Up and over, flying jalapeno by Booker T. Right, right,
into the ropes, Storm escapes the press attempt, goes behind, T catches him
with an elbow, Storm ducks the clothesline and tries for a backslide, T
escapes THAT, right, Storm dropkicks the shin. We look at a plate of
Arby's while Heidi complains that there aren't any donuts on the plate.
For the love of God, how about the MATCH. T is outside. Storm readying
for a springboard - plancha hits! Heidi is eating. Storm puts T back in
the ring. Hudson: "Mama Cass? All right, Heenan." Right, right, T goes
down. Stomp by Storm. Shoving him in the face, slap, T pushes back,
elbow, elbow to the ribs by Storm. Going for the Northern Lights, but T
holds on and hits a suplex of his own. Into the ropes, head down, Storm
goes for the rollup - no, holding onto the leg for the half crab attempt -
T kicks him away. Jawbreaker by Storm. T catches the superkick, Storm
ducks the clothesline, gutshot, into the ropes, T holds on, gutshot, off
the ropes with the axe kick. Breakdancing back up, T hits the Harlem
sidekick - 1, 2, no. T kicks Storm, but Storm puts his boots up on
the follow through - off the top rope - into T's powerslam! 1, 2, NO!
Elbow by Storm, gobehind, reversed, Storm holds on and rolls through the
bodyscissors into the Canadian Maple Leaf. Will T tap? Crowd chants
"USA." T crawls to the ropes...and Storm pulls him back to centre. T
crawls again....and makes it to the bottom ropes! Storm says "drat!" and
advances. T catches him with an elbow - Storm hits a superkick. Off the
ropes, T with a spinebuster - for 2. T going up top...missile dropkick!
1, 2, no! T says that's it. Putting him in position for the uranage, but
Storm has that scouted, and drives his knee into the gut. Another knee.
Back elbow. Into the ropes, reversed, T holds on, Book End - 1, 2, 3.
Booker T retains. (5:37) Almost *immediately*, JEDOUBLEF
JADOUBLEREDOUBLET hits the ring and kicks the back of T's knee, the stomps
on it a bit as well. Belt to the knee! Referee "Blind" Mickie Jay gets a
right as well. Jarrett takes the Canadian flag and breaks it across
Booker's knee. Storm takes a spot of umbrage at his flag being left on the
mat and goes after Jarrett. They're outside as Heidi says "let's get out
of here." Storm whipped into the barricade right in front of the
commentators. Jarrett winding up his gee-tar - and he hits *Heidi*
instead. Whoops. This sort of violence to women will go unnoticed by 1Bob
Ryder, I'm sure. Awesome takes offense to THIS - and backs up Jarrett in
the ring...into a Book End from Booker T. Play his music! Heidi played
one of the opera singers before Bash at the Beach. Yeah, I know you needed
that right about now.
Close captioning on this show brought to you by Meineke!
Pamela Paulshock asks Jarrett if hitting Heidi made him feel like a man.
He says he wants a match with Awesome tonight.
Sgt. AWOL and Gen. Rection split up to try to find the Animals. AWOL
rushes a room - only to find some Nitro Grrls. Much mirth and hilarity
BILLY KIDMAN is out to help celebrate Torrie Appreciation Day. Let Us Take
You Back to Thunder. Kidman has a giant heart, probably filled with
chocolate, and a bouquet of roses. "Torrie, I knwo you're back there and I
know you're watching. I just got a couple things that I wanna say to you.
I'm sorry for everything that I've ever done to you. You know, I realise
now that I shouldn't have shown the sex tape to all these people - because
nobody knows like I know the kind of love that we shared. 'cause you see
Torrie, I acted like an idiot, immature, and that's why tonight, I made
this Torrie Wilson Appreciation Night. Because, even though you're with
the Franchise, deep down you still mean the world to me. These chocolates,
the flowers, the champage, it's all for you! Because tonight is your
night. So, Torrie, you see, I've planned out a lot of things for this
evening - all of which, I hope, will lead to you forgiving me. So, Torrie,
I want you to come out here now. Because this is a party for you - all
these people out here want you to come out - and let's have a party, baby -
just like we used to." Here comes TORRIE SAMUDA - let me sneak out two
things. One: it's quite ironic that Kidman's wearing a "SHUT UP AND
WRESTLE" T-shirt during this segment, and two: would it KILL the
commentators to maybe lay out for a few minutes and NOT feel the need to
fill up EVERY TINY PAUSE with their FLAPPIN' YAPPIN' LIPS? God, you know
you're in trouble when it's left to *Tony Schiavone* to play "the subtle
one." "I brought these for you. Torrie, I want you to remember - remember
all the good times we shared - yeah, we had a lotta fun together. I got to
see all your baby pictures from the time that you were this big to the time
that you were in high school - and I got to see a side of you that nobody
else got to see...until tonight. Do you remember your sweet sixteenth
birthday party? I know I said I was sorry about the sex tape, but there is
one more tape I wanted to air to show my appreciation - no, it's not - it's
not a sex tape; however, it is Torrie Wilson in action. It's from your
birthday party, do you remember that? Maybe this will help you remember -
can you please roll the footage? We go to the tape, which shows a rather
hefty Torrie (think that time on "Friends" when they played the prom date
video...not that they stole that idea for this one, nosiree, nope) -
Hudson's "she's got more Chins than a..." racist remark gets muted - don't
forget the lawsuit, Scott! Torrie chows down on the birthday cake with
both hands, drinks from the punchbowl, sets herself on fire, and so on.
Anyway, Kidman drops "the memorial Torrie Wilson high school photograph"
from the ceiling. "She will be signin' 'em after the show!" Kidman offers
some chocolate...FRANCHISE is out - Kidman knocks him down. Torrie tries
to whack him with the champagne bottle, but he beats her to the punch,
knocking her to the mat. Now I'm fascinated with watching to see if
Torrie's ass crack makes an appearance or not. "Hey, Torrie, say no to
crack!" WAAAAAAAhahahahahahaha. Anyway, RENO comes out and hits his
Whatever. Torrie tries collecting all the pictures dropping from the
ceiling as Franchise whips Kidman with his belt. Torrie's picture is up on
the Turnertron - she looks like that one chick with the glasses from "Major
Dad" if she suddenly gained a hundred pounds. Mercifully, this segment is
"Wreak Havoc with Witchblade" contest spot #2
Oh, look, the MIA have caught up to the Filthy Animals. Laugh at Konnan
trying real hard to keep his hat on! They whack the MIA with the tag team
belts and get ready to bundle into their car and drive off - as soon as
this garage door is opened - oh my! Kronic stands on the other side of the
garage door! And they've got sledgehammers! They beat up the car a bit
(ignoring the windows - oh well) until Disco Inferno gets out and hands
them the belts. They give him High Time on the hood, anyway.
Meanwhile, MAJOR GUNNS drags TYGRYSS to the mud pit where mirth and
hilarity ensues. MISS HANCOCK joins the fray to turn the tide, and the
ex-Nitro Grrls give Gunns a dunkin'. I'm sure that everybody loved this
but me - the only problem is, I'm the only one writing a report here. ME
ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME Come to think of it...I *can* think of *one*
person who *should* have a problem with this segment...but of course, since
he's 1Bob Ryder, he'll probably sorta close that one eye and look the other
way. "Watching WCW is as beneficial to your health as taking a
multivitamin," I think I remember him writing one week.
Jeff Jarrett tries again with the TracFone
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. AWESOME MULLET - If this show hadn't been so
full of BULLSHIT to this point, I'd probably be up for this match. As it
is, it's all I can do to just keep from typing expletive after expletive.
LANCE STORM comes out. Jarrett gets the international object in the
fist but even that only gets 2 in the land of Johnny Ace. Finish sees
Awesome punk out Storm, who falls off the apron through a table (which
doesn't break), but Jarrett gets in the Stroke thanks to the distraction.
1, 2, 3. (5:42) I wish one of the commentators would get a stroke. I
wonder what Cat thought about that outside interference.
Jeff Jarrett's got one more TracFone to sell tonight
New Blood Rising promo - it's Sunday, it'll do a .21 buyrate and the staff
of 1wrestling will try to convince you WCW is actually "improving" because
"it's up from last month."
Pamela Paulshock stands with Kwee Wee and Papaya - next
WHITE THUNDER & RICK WOOF WOOF v. (THIS IS) STING & KEVIN NASH - "You know,
being a Steiner brother, you fear nobody - we're here to promote violence!
So Sting, Nash, you want some? Come get some! You don't like me? Bite
me!" "Kevin Nash, Sting, I don't know which one of you guys are gonna have
the pleasure, but I'm gonna stick this size 12 so far up (your ass), you'll
be flossin' with my shoelaces!" I am SHOCKED that Nash and Sting enter
together. Front row fan actually does the Rock "just bring it" hand motion
- the camera gets off him because he's not helping Steiner stay in
character. Steiner finds ANOTHER front row fan who refuses to act afraid
of him. Nash and Rick start - and that's about all you'll get out of me
until the end of this match. Tonight, I'm only as good as the material I'm
given - well, okay, not even close. But what do you want? It's free and
it ain't broken into fifteen pieces. I *will* say that Sting is wrestling
remarkably well for someone who's suffered so many pipe and bat shots
earlier in the show, and only has the Demon to look forward to on Sunday.
WOW! Lookit Nash approach running speed to save Sting! Chortle at Rick's
belly handing over his trunks! Herb Kunze told me the most over man in
this match is...Goldberg. Fast forward to Nash powerbombing Rick through
the commentary table - which doesn't break. Scott has Sting in the Steiner
Recliner behind the back of referee "Blind" Billy Silverman. This
brings out COLD BEER, who throws an elbow to break up the hold - and
apparently this elbow is SO devastating that Sting can cover for the pin,
too! (6:42) Goldberg goes ahead with a spin kick to Sting to show us that
he ain't no good guy just 'cause he helped Sting pin Scott Steiner. Here
comes Nash...ring the bell a million times! Before they can fade out with
Nash and Goldberg staring at each other, Steiner ruins it by punking out
Goldberg from behind. Credits are up and we're out - did we even have an
overrun tonight? Less than a minute?
WHO CARES. This show was a giant showcase for everything that sucks about
WCW and does *nothing* for getting me pumped about the pay-per-view. If it
weren't for Booker T, there'd be NOTHING to watch here. No, Storm doesn't
do it for me - maybe if you give him five more belts and dress him up like
I can only sum it up like this: Baaaaaaaah.
See you for Thunder.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Christopher Robin Zimmerman - email@example.com -
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