by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
TONIGHT'S EXCUSE: A combination of DSL support and plumbing
I GET LETTERS: Everybody's got an opionion. This is Mateo's: they
should fire you. wcw has gotten a whole ot better, face it.
MAD PROPS: and a blatant plug to Jim
Raggi, who listens to HUNDREDS of heavy metal CD's and distills them
into Lamentations of the Flame Princess, a 'zine that NO heavy
metal fan should be without - and I don't even care much for metal! What
Jim does reviewing music is roughly equivalent to what I'd do if I only
recapped indy feds you'd never heard o, but should have. In other words,
he gives a perspective to those who may never get heard otherwise. Good
stuff. Write him and ask about a subscription!
BLATANT PLUG 2: While I'm plugging magazines, I don't think I've ever
given a public shout out to WrestleManiac Mark Coale, whose Odessa Steps magazine is another
must-read, even if you're NOT into the subject matter discussed -
fortunately for you and I, though, there's a lot of wrestling in the
subject matter. If you dig his stuff on WM, check him out as a publisher,
BLATANT PLUG 3: Two years ago, Ric Flair made his return to WCW in one of
the greatest segments Eric Bischoff ever gave us....provided you were
willing to ignore all the crap we had to endure to GET there. Read the
transcript in my Retro WrestleManiacs report here.
QUICK QUOTES: AOL 56 1/4 (- 2 1/2), TWX 80 5/16 (- 4 1/16) SPLN 16 15/16
(- 9/16, last year this week 26 3/8 - hey aren't stocks supposed to go UP
Monday Nitro hits the Cow Palace 2 October - if Alan Sharp wills it, so
will I be comped. Tune in for an on-site in three weeks!
WCW logo - two weeks and a crappy telco support group
Earlier Today, the TV-14-DL ratings box and David Flair got out of a black
limo - meeting him were Crowbar (who offers the hand of friendship - David
takes it!) and Daffney and Ozzie. After getting a hug from Daffney, Flair
asks her (and the close captioning logo) if she's seen his father...she
Meanwhile, Jarrett is watching a monitor! (Is that also earlier tonight,
or is that him watching the earlier tonight bit live, or...) "Outlandish
vaudeville - maybe the band needs to play tonight..."
Opening Credits - no Buff (not that that's a BAD thing) - do not stare
directly into Nash's eyes
Light the flames of love - WE ARE LIVE 11.9.2K from the Independence Arena
in Charlotte, NC on TNT - WCW - Monday - Nitro!
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: RAYMOND STEREO & DE JOOSY ONE (with Konnan & Tygryss
& Disqo) v. KRONYKK - Scott Hudson isn't in this week, as he's spending
time with his "brand new daughter and wife" - damn, a brand new wife? It's
the good life for Hudson! Disco interrupts Konnan in mid-"arriba la raza"
and tells Kronic they made him mad. Tonight, he's decided that Rey and
Juvi will step up to the plate and beat the hell out of those guys. Then
he calls 'em fat. Konnan isn't too sure about them words. They're
apparently not "Kronic" anymore, by the way - they're "Kronik" with the
second "K" backwards. I hear that Brian & Bryan picked that trick up on a
recent visit to Toys "R" Us. Standard "big man/little man match" ensues.
WHOOOOSH FALL BRAWL 6 DAYS AWAY WHOOOOOSH. Asked if there's ANYTHING about
Kronic that he likes, Konnan says "well, they've got a nice tan. ... I
forgot to say they're tall, too." Asked if we'll see a faceful of stuff
tonight, Konnan says "nah, 'cause I heard they didn't wanna sell it."
Doesn't put anybody over, but it *is* kinda funny. The problem with Konnan
is he did this the WHOLE time he was in the third chair for Worldwide.
There comes a time when you need to stop making "Mike Rapada was working at
the KFC" jokes and actually try to put him over, you know? Of course, that
only applies to colour commentators - that doesn't apply to people who
write about it on the Internet, y'see. Outside interference or ref bump?
The HYRRYS BRYTHYRZ come out with a video camera - hey, is that the Kidcam?
I always *wondered* who took it. Anyway, while Big Ron tapes the
proceedings, Heavy D relieves Jackie Crockett of his camera and waffles
Adams with it, then wilfully tosses it in blatant disregard of its cost
back to the floor. Meanwhile, on the outside, Disco hits a chairshot and
the Last Dance on Clark. See, Robinson misses all this thanks to Tygryss
talking to him about buying Nextlink stock in the next two weeks. Back
around to catch a juicy 450 - 1, 2, JOHNNY ACE! Dropkick sandwich. Clark
punches Guerrera, shoves away Mysterio, but they dropkick the back of the
knees and he goes down again. Mysterio's new finisher (second rope legdrop
to the nuts) is good enough to finish him, though. (4:14)
Backstage, a white limo arrives - and out comes Stacy and her parents.
"She's wearing white!" Must be an IMMACULATE conception, eh?
Let's Take a Special Video Look at Last Week's War Games - for those of you
that missed Thunder...well, I guess if you missed Nitro last week, too
Your hosts are TONY SCHIAVONE & TWO IDIOTS WEARING SUNGLASSES - Jeremy
Borash (okay, maybe he's not an idiot - he just looks like one) is now
"JB." We're told that Russo suffered his third concussion in a month -
stick around for some exclusive footage of his brain surgery. Also, a
wedding! Oh, and maybe some wrestling...
This here graphic reminds us that the World Heavyweight Title is on
the line when Booker T. meets Kevin Nash at Fall Brawl!
THE CAT & MRS. JONES (they got a thing goin' on) are out - "Okay cut the
music off! Hey, people, listen. Don't be so happy today because Vince
Russo is laying up in the hospital taking care of his little peabrain. So
I'm gonna tell you something, Vince Russo, I know you're not here, but I
got a little message for you. Your injuction that you have against me in
court, trying to take away my power as comissioner of WCW was thrown out!
And now that you're, since you're not here, I'm in charge - the Cat is back
in charge, baby! [crowd boos?] So I'll tell you what. I'm gon' start
layin' down the rules right now. Nash, the title match that you and Booker
T gon' have at Fall Brawl I'm gon' put it in a cage to keep Vince Russo
goin' away, okay? And again, for these fans here tonight, I'm gon' go to
the main event. Nash, you gon' have a title match tonight, and you gon'
put that title up against, ah, let me see, your good buddy, Big Poppa Dump.
And I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna do this right here, I want you all to get
in this ring and fight tonight, and I hope you beat the hell outta each
other. And for you, old slapass, now - you know - I'm gon' let you take on
somebody, and I'm gon' let you take on--" Jones takes the mic. "...me.
Yeeeeeeah, thass right! Look, Jeff Jarrett, you like to beat up on a lady?
Well tonight Miss Jones is gonna put her foot alll up (in yo ass)." Geez,
Bobby Walker was RIGHT! And now JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out, no
doubt to call her an ignorant slut. Hey, remember back when Jarrett said
"this is WCW! Why would I hit a woman?" "Waitwaitwaitwaitwait. Lemme
tell you something, Miss Slapass. You challenge the Chosen One? Well,
tonight you're gonna get 'im. And to show you what kind of gentlemen I am,
I'm gonna handcuff my wrists together - that's right, 'cause I'm gonna
prove to you that men are superior to women, and Cat, as far as you're
concerned, when Big Poppa and Big Sexy get here, we're gonna show you who's
runing this joint tonight." "I'll meet you in the office. [Jones leaves]
Wait, I'm gon' tell you something, Jeff Jarrett, since you're in the ring
with your little bitty miniature little slapnuts, let's see you try to take
over the show right--" Jarrett goes for him, but Cat is ready...and man
kicks are delivered. The siren plays, but apparently Cat isn't listening
for theme music, because he's *still* surprised when WHITE THUNDER is out -
Cat gets a gutshot in on Steiner, but turns around to take a shot from
Jarrett - and then the Stroke. Jarrett stomps away on him, and then
Steiner secures the Steiner Recliner. Steiner's music plays again as
Steiner drops Cat, unconscious. To the ad break we go!
Jeff Jarrett is all up with the Tracfone, yo
This portion of WCW is brought to you by Starburst!
Backstage, Terry Taylor stooges out Jarrett and Steiner to Sting and Booker
T, who just arrived. They ask where Cat is. "Don't let 'em take over!"
BIG VITO v. RENO (with "The Event" Chuck Palumbo) in a stickball bat on a
pole match - Apparently, during the break, Cat decided that...well, first
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week when Vito had a bad week at the hands of
the Thryllyrz. Vito lays down the rules of this match - first man to get
the stickball bat gets to use it. NOW we learn that the main event will
have a special referee (Booker T) and a special enforcer (Goldberg).
Golly, that almost EXACTLY matches the main event promised to us Internet
fans before the show, wot? We learn that Mike Sanders was suspended for a
week without pay for his actions at the Power Plant. Reno rushes the ring,
ducks a clothesline, gutshot, right, right, into the ropes is reversed,
Japanese armdrag by Vito. Off the ropes with a legdrop, mounting, right,
right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, maybe
give or take a right. Scoop...and a slam. Vito goes up top - Savage elbow
hits. Palumbo up on the apron - having a chat with referee "Blind" Billy
Silverman as Vito comes over. Outside interference or ref bump? Reno over
to try to run into Vito, but he sidesteps it - allowing Silverman to take
the shot in the back and go down, colliding with Palumbo in the process.
Vito with a suplex. WHOOOOSH LOGO Vito going up for the bat - yeah, it's
been WELL over a minute, better go to the finish. Reno gets in a gutshot
before Vito can swing the bat, though - geez - and throws him over in an
exploder. Stomp, stomp, stomp. There's the roll of the dice. And now
JOHNNY THE BULL is back, with kendo stick in hand and staving off Reno and
Palumbo. He helps Vito to his feet...and promptly turns on Vito, caning
him. WOTTA SHOCKING SWERVE!!!! Outsider interference AND ref bump, hey?
1, 2, 3. (2:12) Keep in mind that Reno was just about to get the pin
ANYWAY before Johnny even came out, so it's not like it even makes SENSE or
anything. Took about fifteen seconds from Johnny returning to Johnny
swerving us all, by the way. Post-match, it's hugs and kisses all around
as Vito gets back up - he gets a bit of kendo stick action until some music
fires up and the rest of the NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ come out - Vito gets
the best of all six men (didn't Orndorff teach them about NOT attacking
black ninja style?) until the numbers FINALLY work the right way and a
6-way stompdown occurs, culminating in a drawn-and-quartered slam. Man,
that music just KEEPS playing - at least it's drowning out the guy ringing
the bell a MILLION times
Meanwhile, in the Cat's office, Booker T and Sting come calling. Cat says
they need to take the show back or they'll lose it forever! Oooh! Off
NEXT: Torrie Wilson is WALKING! And stretching! Coming up, she'll take on
Madusa - and unlike Ms. Wilson, it WON'T be pretty!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), America
(ha!) Online, Lean Pockets from Hot Pockets, Motel 6 7/8, Boston Market TV
Dinners, and Catbo!
Jarrett and Steiner gloat to Nash - too bad he missed it. No sooner has
Jarrett said "we're in charge tonight" than Booker T, Cat and Sting barge
in with crowbars and baseball bats. Nash begs them off. "I was just
TELLING these guys how wrong they were!" Cat says they'll be in the main
event tonight, and if they don't like it, he'll rip up ALL their contracts.
Surprisingly, they want to KEEP working in WCW, so they go along with him.
Four breasts! FOUR! I mean, PAMELA PAULSHOCK interviews Madusa. What's
her problem with Torrie Wilson? "Are you just standing in a hole or are
you always that short? Listen, it's not a big problem, it is a serious
problem with Torrie Wilson. You know, she has the inability to retain
information, she is flighty, every time she does a front roll, she barfs!
So Mr. Russo took it upon me to wanna train these girls, so I said great,
superstars of WCW, sheeez, they were only hired on their looks alone, so
why don't I take MY talent, bring it over to the new millennium style and
here it is, tonight, Torrie Wilson, you and I and I will show you, your
little punk ass what it's all about to be a woman in the WCW instead of
JUST EYE CANDY!" Damn, did she learn how to cut a promo from Steve
Graphic sez: Kidman vs. Franchise (with Torrie) in a Pittsburgh Plunge
TORRIE SAMUDA (by her damn self - with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder) v.
MADUSA - Madusa's music has changed. That might be all I get out of this
match. Madusa's pants don't even appear to be fitting properly - well,
maybe she's just wearing them backwards. Who can say? Torrie tries to
leave, but Madusa brings her back in over the top rope by the hair. Right
hand slap by Madusa, left-handed slap, kick, snap suplex, stomp. Outside
interference or ref bump? FRANCHISE is out - he eats a gutshot and a right
hand. Second rope...dropkick misses. Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson decides
that's good enough to count as interference and calls for the bell.
(relaxed DQ 0:35) I wonder what the Cat thinks of this? Speaking of bull,
watch "Bull" and win $100,000! Ring the bell a million times! Franchise
delivers the Franchiser to Johnson - then beats up on a woman. FEAR THE
BELLY-TO-BELLY! Franchise with an STF as Torrie and Franchise make merry
with the mic. "Don't make me hurt you like Billy Kidman!" Coincidentally,
KIDMAN's back. Listen to that crowd not change in volume AT ALL!!
Dropkick for Franchise, clotheslined out of the ring. Franchise and Torrie
back up on the ramp - Madusa is going to try cutting ANOTHER award-winning
promo! "Listen you little punk ass little bitch! Get your floozy-ass
little butt back here with the Franchise! You wanna play with the men?
Well I got something for you this Sunday at Fall Brawl, how about a
scaffold match against YOU and Franchise against me and Kidman baby. Oh
yeah, you wanna put it on, let's take it right now, sweetheart." "You
wanna step into the ring with the Franchise and Torrie? Twenty feet in the
air on a Pittsburge Plunge scaffold match, bitch?" "Aw yeah, you know
what, I'll see you twenty feet in the air, honey." Franchise whispers
something in Torrie's ear and she suddenly doesn't seem to mind the
challenge. "Well me and Torrie Wilson accept! And you, bitch, are dead
meat!" Gosh, and I was worried that the scaffold match Sunday was gonna
SUCK. For an encore, Madusa starts talking again, but we don't get to hear
her, as we cut to
Backstage, Crowbar fixes Flair's tie and says "this is your night" yet
again. Does this mean he's gonna turn on him later? "You're ready."
Meanwhile, Jimmy Hart delivers a registered letter to Stacy as her mom
fixes her dress. She doesn't read it.
Meanwhile, outside the arena a black limo pulls up...followed by the
Partridge family bus. I bet Mike Awesome is driving it. Wow! I'm right.
"C'mon let's get happy!" I wonder if this angle makes ANYONE happy
Oh boy! "Dead Calm!" Of course, on TNT, ALL the good bits are cut
out...except that electrifying (heh) ending...
Wow! Iron Maiden, Queensryche AND Halford! Think I'll stay home!
Steiner beats up some furniture. Apparently he's JUST figured out his role
in the main event tonight. "Why are you so calm, man? You and your Jimmy
Buffet-wearin' sandals and all!" Nash asks him to calm down - he's got a
plan. "Remember that thing I did with Hogan? I push you, you lay down, 1,
2, 3, we're outta here." Steiner doesn't seem to comprehend this. Nash
makes an aside to the camera (because he's kool), turns the monitor off,
and says it slower with shorter words. "*I* lay down?"
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. MZ. JONEZ (with The Cat) - "I've just got
one little question for all my little slapasses out there tonight. What in
the hell are these broads thinkin' that they can compete with men in this
ring? Especially Miss Jones. The Chosen One definitely isn't a
chauvanistic pig, I just enjoy embarrassin' the hell out of the opposite
sex, even when I am handcuffed, so Miss Jones, girlfriend, bring yo bad
self out here, because tonight I'm gonna break more than your nails."
"Okay, cut the music. Referee, gimme the handcuffs and give me the key.
We gon' do this thing right. Come on out here." Jarrett willingly allows
himself to be cuffed. Cat goes ahead and hits him with the mic afterwards.
Right hand. Cat goes to remove his shirt, but Jones stops him. "Nah uh
uh, Cat, no. Let me take care o' him. You - you gotta show to run. Look,
Cat - I have spoken." Slap, kick, kick, kick, snapmare takeover.
Schiavone acts like this is the GREATEST manoeuvre he's ever seen. Kick,
kick, Jarrett rolls outside. Jones puts Jarrett in the rail, into another
safety barricade, rolled back into the ring. Jarrett begging off. Outside
interference or ref bump? Jones misplaces a kick to the nuts and referee
"Blind" Billy Silverman goes down. Jones with an uppernut. Jones has the
gee-tar - Jarrett with a gutshot, the guitar falls, he picks it up and
kabongs her. 1, 2, 3. They had a screwjob because they needed to PROTECT
Ms. Jones. See? (1:14) Jarrett brings in a chair, but before he can use
it, AWESOME MULLET makes the save. He's apparently "that 70's guy" now. I
guess, he's saving "Ms. Jones in the Middle." Why aren't Nash and Steiner
making the save?
Meanwhile, in the locker room, and with the monitor STILL off, Nash is
drawing it out on the white board for Steiner. I know I'm supposed to find
the "is he drawing genitals?" bit funny, but it's just so....*Russo*.
Anyway, Steiner wants to know why HE can't poke Nash and become the champ.
"I'm the Champ - you lay down!" "You lay down!" Steiner takes off in a
Promotional consideration paid for by the WCW Nitro trading card game
(featuring Buff on the cover - hmm, he still off the booking sheets?), Corn
Nuts, Boston Market Home Style Meals (again), AOL (again), Lean Pockets
(again), and Bubble Yum - preferred by ducks with mohawks everywhere
Jarrett asks Nash what was up with him and Steiner not saving his bacon.
"Go talk to your retarded friend, please!"
Graphic sez: "Canadian/US title match" with Lance Storm defending against
General Rection (of the MIA)
Hooooooooo! WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN is back! (If
only for one night.) Crowd *almost* shows some signs of life with the
Hacker out - he's STILL got it! "USA" chant. "Folks - thank you very much
- and I want to thank you all for all the years of support. I can't tell
you how much I appreciate it. Hoooooo! Now as a lot of you know, two
years ago, I fought the toughest battle of my life when I was diagnosed
with cancer. And thank the Lord Almighty, and with the help of my friends,
my family, and you great fans, I was able to beat it. And by God I came
back to the business I love - Hoooooo! But I gotta tellya folks, these
past few weeks, sittin' at home watching WCW Nitro on television, I
realised that there's one opponent that no man can beat, and that's Father
Time. After twenty years in the business, I felt that it was passin' me
by. And unlike I lotta other guys in my situation, Hacksaw Jim Duggan is
not afraid to step aside and let some of this great young talent make a
future for themselves, and make a future for wrestling that we'd all be
proud of. Hoooooooo! But tonight...tonight, in front of the whole world,
I'd like ta...I'd like to make this announcement. Hacksaw Jim Duggan...is
announcing his retirement from the WCW and the world of professional
wrestling. You know folks, for over twenty years the only two things I
ever carried was my 2x4 and the flag of the United States of America! So
now, when I look through the roster of all the talent, I needed someone to
take over - to carry the torch...to carry our flag. I need somebody young,
I need somebody strong, I needed somebody tough, and I needed somebody that
loved this great country as much as I do! And that man...that man will do
me a great honour, if GENERAL RECTION would please come down and carry my
flag." Why is Tony so surprised? We just SAW the damn graphic! Rection
comes out - Duggan salutes and hands over the flag - and the TV-14-DL
ratings box. No sooner have they embraced that LANCE STORM interrupts
things...with MAJOR GUNNS aside him (and none too happy about it). "Hold
on one second! You're not passin' nobody nothin'!" "USA!" "Duggan, nobody
gives a damn about you - and nobody give a damn about your country!
Rection, you got a title match at Fall Brawl, but that doesn't mean
I can't kick your ass out here tonight for fun. You got the guts? I'll
kick your ass in front o' your has-been hero!" "USA!"
GENERAL RECTION (with Hacksaw Jim Duggan) v. LANCE STORM (with Major Gunns)
in a nontitle bout - Storm rushes Rection from behind to take the early
advantage. Duggan takes fourth headset. Clubbing forearm, another,
another, kick, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, followup clothesline.
Kick, kick, kick. Major Gunns is on the line Sunday as well. Women are
objects in WCW. Storm tosses Rection outside. Into the barricade. "USA!"
Rection blocks a head to the barricade and puts Storm's head there instead.
Kick, kick, chop, chop, Rection back in the ring. Storm with a headbutt to
the gut from the apron. Setting up for a suplex - but Rection reverses -
Storm breaks out of the suplex attempt, but still manages a swinging
neckbreaker. 1, 2, kickout. Rection with an inside cradle for 2. Storm
with a forearm - second rope - leap - Rection catches him in a
powerbomb...for 2. Rection puts to Duggan and gives a thumbs up - Rection
up for the moonsault - but it misses. Storm with the Canadian Maple Leaf -
although referee "Blind" Mickie Jay is in perfect position, he STILL
doesn't notice the arm underneath the bottom rope until Duggan leaves to
point it out. Storm is forced to break the hold - angered, he goes outside
to deck Duggan. Rection with a swing, Storm with a duck...and a hot shot.
Outside interference or a ref bump? Storm climbs to the top, Duggan whacks
him with his 2x4 and he falls into a Rection powerslam for the pin. (2:43)
Now, do you wanna PAY for this match Sunday? Gunns openly cheers on
Rection. The rest of THE SECOND FAMILY comes out to celebrate.
Backstage, Ms. Hancock is taking time to smell the roses - remembering her
letter, she opens it...reads...and says "oh my God." WHAT AN ACTRESS!
Jeff Jarrett shills Tracfone
Moments away from the big wedding - our commentators yak a bit. "Marriage
and wrestling go hand in hand...lookit Randy and Liz...Mongo and
Debra...Kevin and Nancy...it always works out perfectly, Tony!" I wonder
who wrote that line for him.
In the ring to re-enact the "November Rain" video are CROWBAR (playing the
part of Slash, complete with funky top hat) and DAFFNEY UNGER (playing the
part of Daffney) and probably some other folks. NITRO GRRRL BABY is first
out as a bridesmaid - we learn her real name, but who cares. Next out is
DAVID FLAIR, the groom. There's also a minister - REV. MIKE CORRIGAN. Who
WAS in that last limo? "Here Comes the Bride" plays and out comes STACY
KEYBLYR along with her parents, DARREN & PATRICIA. Before it gets started,
David has the mic. "I know I've made a lot of mistakes in these past
couple months, but it wouldn't be right for me to stand out here and not
get a few things off my chest. I've let my friends, my family, and really,
there's one person I've really let down, and it wouldn't be right if he
wasn't here tonight...so ARN ANDERSON, please come out here!" Out comes a
betuxed Anderson. "David, my man, you've cleaned up pretty good, and some
of us are lookin' pretty good ourselves. You're a grown man now, I can't
hardly stand it, and I'm just gonna give you a few choice words of wisdom,
and let's get this thing rolling. Rule number one, and this is just kinda
between me and David, so just...talk to your mom or something. David, it
may not be a week from now, or a month from now, or even a year from now,
but there's gonna be times when your 21-year-old buddies are gonna call you
and say 'David, there's a heck of a frat party goin' on down the street' or
'let's go to the strip club' or 'let's just go fish or something' - you're
gonna sit there and toil with that, knowing - wondering what to do. *It's
easier to get forgiveness than permission.* Just go! Just go - and grovel
the next morning. We've all done it, there's no shame in it! Now, rule
number two - you're going to get a lot of cash for wedding gifts. Slip it
in your pocket - hide it - it's what we call - old married folks call 'hid
money' - you're gonna see why that comes in to be so important, just a
second. The last three - the last rule - the most important one - some of
those parties you're gonna slip off and go to, you're gonna come in the
next morning looking like hell - she's gonna be meetin' ya at the door, and
it's gonna get a little heated, it may even get a little domestic, and
she's gon' blow her cool, things may get a little wild, and then she's just
gonna stop, she gon' get that glazed over look on her face and she's gon'
go 'honey, it's okay, I forgive ya, just go over there and lay down, get a
good night's sleep.' That's where the hid money comes in - take it and RUN
for your life - you understand what I'm saying? All the advice I can give
ya - ya got a beautiful bride - go get 'em, kid!" "Thank you, Arn, thank
you. And you know what, there is one more person missing..and there's
nothing I wouldn't do to have him by my side as my best man, so...to my
dad, RIC FLAIR, come on down!" Well, here he is - with the same hairdo as
his son. Kiss on the hand for Stacy - Daffney STILL sticks her tongue out
at him. Now THERE'S a girl who knows her character! "Thank you. You
know, the irony of this whole thing is, about three months ago, I thought
I'd heard that music for the last time as a result of an incident between
my son and I. Well, tonight it's not about the theme music of Ric Flair,
it's not about being in Charlotte, which is the greatest city in the world,
it's about the fact...it's about the fact that a father and a son and a
family have put their life back together. This is behind us. I'm a proud
father tonight, proud of a great young man, who has got a beautiful,
beautiful fiancee, with a great family. It's not about wrestling tonight,
I think it's great we're getting married right here, Independence Arena,
I've spent half my life here, but it's really about my son, and right
now...(handshake)...about his wedding. Thank you very much, all for
coming. God bless you, buddy." "Dearly beloved, we are gathered
here tonight in the sight of God in witness of this great and holy
congregation to celebrate one of the great mysteries of life." Tony starts
talking over the preacher - what a goof. "We are here to give recognition
to the worth and beauty of love - and to add our best wishes and - and
words to the...to..." Outside interference or ref bump? Several COPS
appear and line the aisle. Turns out the Vince Russo took out a
restraining order against Ric Flair, and he'd be arrested if he came within
100' of the arena. "Come on, this is not a gag - this is a real wedding -
you're one of these cops...brother, I was gonna be governor of this state,
watch who you're wrestling tonight." Flair gets cuffed and led off. Crowd
chants "Bullshit" and the truck makes a vain attempt to mute it. Did Flair
just try to convince us this was a REAL wedding? And now...the bride is
leaving the ring, taking off after Ric and the cops! is your spider sense
Fall Brawl promo - oh, they're STILL using that "refused to follow the
script" stuff? Oof.
Your 1-800-COL-LECT replay is Flair being led off in handcuffs...and Stacy
leaving the ring to go out after him.
Outside, Flair is loaded into an unmarked car. Arn says he'll be down to
take care of this - Flair asks Arn to call ... somebody. I dunno. Not his
Another look at our commentary team. Talk quickly shifts to Vince Russo's
struggle for survival... Let Us Take You Back to 5 June where Flair gave
Russo his first concussion, here in the cage. Two Weeks Ago, it was Big
Vito doing the damage. And last week, it was the Feliner to the ear in the
Here's a doctorly-type to talk about Vince Russo's emergency brain surgery
Saturday night - something about a clot needing to be removed or something.
Man, this is RIFE with one-liner possibilities, but I believe I shall
postpone...for now. Once again, we go back to all the clips we saw a
paragraph ago. His surgery was successful, and his recovery time is "two
to five months." Gosh, what does this do to his match with John Rocker at
Starrcade? And...how could he POSSIBLY have had the faculties to get a TRO
Tony says he doesn't buy this at all, instead suspecting a sympathy ploy
using (gasp!) fake doctor actors. Gosh, Tony doesn't play along for once?
(THIS IS) STING v. HARRYS BROTHYRZ in a Handicap match - the Harris carry
chains, yet Sting STILL manages to get the better of both men for a good
minute or so, but makes the unfortunate mistake of trying to put the
Scorpion Deathlock on Heavy D - allowing Big Ron to clothesline him down
with a chain. I guess chains are legal, since referee "Blind" Charles
Robinson seems unwilling to stop this match. Outside interference or ref
bump? Here comes KRONYKK, and THEY'RE carrying chains. And by "chains," I
don't mean Brian Lee. Apparently, the two tag teams in this ring will have
a chain match on Sunday. Does that make you want to spend thirty bones?
Watch "Bull" and win $100K! Kronik roll Sting on top of Heavy D for the
pin. "I guess this is no disqualification," says Tony. Well, I HOPE so.
Jarrett tries to convince Steiner to "just get through the night," but
Steiner seems unmotivated.
Meanwhile, Stacy is pacing around. David appears and says he's reset
everything up - let's do it again. Stacy says they shouldn't risk any more
bad luck, let's replan for another time. David is insistent. We'll find
out after the break!
In the local slot, an Unforgiven PPV ad suddenly switches to a house
show promo - WWF at the Arena 7 October!
Close captioning on Nitro keyed in by George Foreman for MEINEKE! WHOSEKE?
Back to the ring - the giant arch is gone, but Arn and David are still
there, along with the reverend. Once again, the three Keyblyrz walk to the
ring to "Here Comes the Bride." "We, uh - are we ready to try this again?"
He starts talkin' REAL fast. WearegatheredheretonightinthesightofGAWD
andinthewitnessofthisgreatandholycongregation... to witness this great
mystery of life. And with our celebration,
wewillbringagreatrecognitiontotheworth and beauty of love, and to add our
best wishes to the words that shall unite Stacy and David together, Stacy,
David, you must make your marriage out of love LOVE is the core of a
relationship - it is the reason that we are all here - you must build it
upon trust TRUST you must open your hearts fully and give yourself one to
the other, you must build it on dedication, to open yourselves completely,
to believe to learn and grow with one another, and of course you must build
it on faith - faith, because the two of you new - now enter into a journey
of life where one cannot predict the future, and here today we express that
commitment one to the other, to commit to life's journey together. Should
there be anyone who has cause why this couple should not be united in
marriage, they must speak now or forever hold their peace!" And...Stacy
raises her hand. Her parents don't seem surprised? "David, something's
been eating at me all day, and I thought I could ignore it, but...I just
can't." "What is it? What is it?" "Well, you know when I told you that
we were pregnant?" "Yeah, I mean - you're not havin' a baby? You're not
havin' a baby?" "Oh, no, I'm pregnant...but um...you're not the father."
Flair looks back at Arn. Arn: "Don't lookit me!" Umm, I don't think
that's what he...well, anyway. "I'm sorry I'm sorry, I - I can't do it I'm
sorry..." and she leaves again. Her mother ALMOST works up some emotion.
Our last shot is of Stacy running off...
Fall Brawl promo - again - the BEST promo they could have had was something
like "this Sunday - there'll ACTUALLY be some WRESTLING"
Jeff Jarrett shills Tracfone - again
That must have been a long run from the ringside to the limo, because after
the break, we see her drop the bouquet and get in the limousine - which
drives off JUST before Ric caches up. "Stacy! Stacy!" Meanwhile, Mike
Awesome is ready to show Pamela his bus. "It looks JUST LIKE the real
thing!" But before he can give her the guided tour, Jeff Jarrett appears
and punks him out. Awesome reverses his fortune...but the Natural Born
Thrillers appear and turn the tide back. "Take him to the top of the bus!"
And we quickly go to break. This segment goes a long way to showing Why
Crash TV Doesn't Work.
The 1-800-CAL-LATT Road Report reveals that Nitro next is in the Kitchener
Memorial Arena! The Kunze family will be STAYING HOME!
Moments Ago - shit, I don't even like this replay technique when the WWF
does it, you think I'm gonna like it HERE? Awesome, Jarrett, Thrillers,
GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Scott Steiner, yet fails to ask what
the hell that thing is doing on his head. Steiner don't lay down for
nobody - he's Shawn Michaels! He'll get even with Goldberg at Fall Brawl,
and at Fall Brawl, he'll get even with Goldberg. Fine, I'll transcribe
this - it's too surreal for me to ignore - or for YOU to ignore! "I'm the
genetic freak, and size does matter! But that statement, Mean Gene, comes
true whether I'm in the ring or out of the ring, see when I have my freaks
horizontal, they understand size, they appreciate size, and size does
matter, and they know that they don't have to wait for the earth to rotate
on a 47 degree axis, so the stars can touch the sky and create an equinox
so they can see the Big Dipper - no no no, all they gotta do is call the
Big Poppa, 'cause I'M the man with the Big Dipper and satisfaction's comin'
when I go behind, and do the bump and grind, and it's only a matter of time
before they call me the Big Bad Booty Daddy! So Goldberg, realise
this - I only care about two things in this world, my freaks and my peaks -
and when I beat your bald ass down at FAll Brawl, and I'm about to put you
in the Steiner Recliner, I'm gonna whisper in your ear...SIZE DOES MATTER,
Our commentators yak about Steiner and Goldberg at Fall Brawl Sunday -
where'd they get all this free time?
Out comes THE CAT to take fourth headset and berate "the white Fat Albert."
BOOKA T. is out with the zebra shirt as Special Guest Referee. "Yo I'm
gon' make this short, quick and simple. At Fall Brawl, Big Kevin Nash,
it's gonna be me and you, one on one, locked inside of a steel cage, and I
wanna say this - at Fall Brawl, I *will* get my title back. And when it's
all over with, and when it's all said and done, Big Kev I just got a few
words for you..." Crowd is divided between "Don't hate the playa..." and
"Suck it." "Don't hate the playa, hate the game!"
At Fall Brawl, it's Goldberg and Scott Steiner. This graphic wouldn't lie!
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: WHITE THUNDER v. KEVIN NASH - Outside
interference or ref bump? I suppose I shouldn't go the ENTIRE night
without mentioning Nash's "HEY YO - LAST CALL HALL" T-shirt. Nash is
wearing a "HEY YO - LAST CALL HALL" T-shirt. There. Hey, how come COLD
BEER enters last? What an ego! 1Bob Ryder was RIGHT! Goldberg wears his
"DTA" vest - no, wait, that's just an unbuttoned jersey - sorry, I thought
it was an Austin ripoff for a minute there. Yuk yuk. Goldberg sets up a
chair in the aisle...and has a seat. T makes a big show of the belt - and
a bigger show of checking both men for objects. There's the bell. Nash
with a finger. Nothing. Steiner with a finger. Nothing. Nash with some
words, Steiner with a "hey, what do you want ME do to" shrug. Nash goes to
leave - Steiner brings him back - Nash with a knee to the gut and a pop in
the facemask. Into the ropes, sidewalk slam. Cat: "JB? Is James Brown
here?" Leg is hooked - Booker with a deliberate count...1....2....no.
Into the ropes, reversed, Steinerline. Elbowdrop. Booker T down quick -
1, 2, then he stops and triple-checks that the shoulder is down....nah.
Steiner quickly gets muted. Brief scuffle in the corner - Steiner with a
gutshot, and a right for Booker. Stomp, stomp, stomp, watch "Bull" and win
$100,000. Double into the ropes, double shoulderblock. Charles Robinson
is out to...hell, *I* don't know why he's out. Goldberg decides to come in
- each man gets a clothesline. Nash is good enough to land right on the
back of Booker's legs. Big boot for Steiner. Superkick for Nash. Steiner
manages an uppernut as Goldberg checks Nash. Stomp for Goldberg, then
Steiner tosses Booker. Steel chair for Booker. Nash gets Goldberg from
behind. Right hand. Booker whipped into the safety rail - his pants have
split! Steiner back in - Robinson tossed. Blockbuster suplex for Goldberg
by Steiner. Gutshot, he and Nash put him in the ropes, double clothesline.
Booker T. crawling back into the ring...so Steiner grabs him and feeds him
to Nash. Goldberg tossed outside where Steiner follows - into the safety
railing. Lookingn for weapons? Goldberg comes back with a gutshot, but
Steiner puts him in the post. Steiner found a chair - chair for Goldberg.
Nash shoves Booker outside with his boot. Nash has Goldberg - ready to
whip him into Steiner's chair, but Cat is up on the apron, stealing the
chair, and Steiner turns to Cat...allowing him to be distracted enough for
Goldberg to run at him with an elbow. Steiner lands on Cat - and they both
land on the railing. Goldberg outside and stomping away on Steiner. In
the ring, Booker reverses a whip, knee in the gut, axe kick off the ropes -
the camera misses all this, but we can safely assume it. Here's a switch -
it's *Goldberg* going after a fan instead of Steiner! Back to the ring,
quickly - Booker T is stomping on Nash - Steiner put in the ropes by
Goldberg - onto the shoulder - and slammed down. Spear for Steiner!
Booker T has Nash ready for the Book End...but here comes Mike Awesome's
bus driving down the aisle. JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET & THE NATYRYL BORN
THRYLLYRZ exit and take over. Steiner puts the lead pipe to the Cat when
he tries to get in. Goldberg gets the Steiner Recliner. Nash puts
Booker's head through the windshield of the bus. The they handcuff
Goldberg to the grill of the bus. Why doesn't Goldberg just break the
handcuffs like he always does? Jarrett climbs over T's corpse to get into
the driver's seat, but as the bus starts up...Goldberg manages to pull off
the grill in two pieces...oops, credits are up and we're out. Bye.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
Christopher Robin Zimmerman - Sr. UNIX System Administrator & Coffee Achiever
Concentric, a NEXTLINK company
Your Internet Service Partner