by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
QUICK QUOTES: TWX 84.50 (+ 4.64), AOL 57.10 (+ 1.85), SPLN 11 1/2 (- 2
3/8 - last year 28 3/4 - you don't OWN this stock, do you?)
WCW logo - still rotating clockwise
TV-14-DL - a white limo pulls up - hey, that steering wheel's on the wrong
side! The chauffer stops, opens the back door, and out walks.....could it
be? Well, no. Wearing the bright coloured pants and jacket and facepaint
is NOT Sting, but Jeff Jarrett, dressed as Sting. "It's showtime,
Australia!"
Here's some scenic video of Queensland - and the close captioned logo - see
that koala? He hates QANTAS
And here's a look at the outside of the Brisbane Entertainment Center -
where tonight - it's time for NITRO!
Opening Credits
Hit the PYRO for the 14K plus - we are on tape from the Entertainment
Center in Brisbane, Australia airing 9.10.2K on TNT (taped 7.10) - THIS -
is Nitro!
"PRIMETIME" ELIX SKIPPER v. RAYMOND STEREO (with Tygryss) - Skipper has new
music - hey, what's worse than "Party Up?" A *ripoff* of "Party Up!" Hey,
a smokin' light heavyweight matchup to start the show? Kind of a
throwback, wouldn't you say? Let's watch. Skipper goes behind, full
nelson, Mysterio escapes, Skipper follows through into a hammerlock. And
there's a reversal and Mysterio has the hammerlock. Skipper with a back
elbow...and a bit of smack talk. A shove for each man. Another shove by
Skipper. Skipper stands over Mysterio, who manages a knucklelock, boots on
the stomach, rolling up, BIG body scissors takeover that flips Skipper to
the mat! Into the ropes, leapfrog, dropping down, Skipper backflips off
the second rope - nobody there, so he lands on his feet - big spinning heel
kick takes Mysterio down! Into the ropes, Mysterio flips over and onto the
apron - Skipper with a sunset flip over the top rope to the floor! Ow!
Mysterio rolled back in - Skipper over the top rope - but no water in the
pool and he belly flops onto the mat. Mysterio to the outside - top rope -
springboard guillotine! Cover - 1, 2, no. Into the ropes is reveresd,
Mysterio's quebrada is caught - on the shoulder, but Mysterio ends up
putting Skipper's head into the buckle - Rocker Dropper, but no cover.
Snapmare - split-legged moonsault off the top rope gets 2. Right hand.
Off the ropes, body scissors, Skipper crotches him on the top rope.
Skipper to the top turnbuckle, walking the top rope, tippling, toppling,
struggling to stay up and keep his balance- I think he WANTED to hit a
rana, but instead ended up sitting on him, both of them tipping backwards
with Rey keeping himself hooked on the top rope, almost in a solo tarantula
- lucky he didn't snap his neck in the process. Skipper finally gets off
Mysterio, allowing him to fall to the floor. Skipper outside, with an
elbow, putting him back in. Death suplex. Skipper handstand on the top
rope, dropping the leg - and getting 2. Skipper with a headlock, to a
knucklelock - Rey punches out - to the ropes, top rope headscissors! Off
the ropes, clothesline. Mysterio still on him - dropkick. Off the ropes
with a big right. Right, right, and Skipper goes through the ropes to the
floor. Dropkick between the ropes - Mysterio off the top with a somersault
plancha! Skipper put back onto the apron - Mysterio through the legs and
back in the ring - Skipper manages a shoulderblock, but misses a
springboard plancha. Skipper put in the corner - broncobuster finds the
mark. Have I mentioned Tygress SUCKS on commentary? Just in time, we look
to the commentary table where TORRIE SAMUDA has made her way through the
crowd, over the rail and into Tygress' hair. Poor Stevie Ray has to sit
there and listen to the Mark stealing his "yak" line. Meanwhile, the
cameras miss...apparently, it was a flying clothesline from Skipper. Into
the ropes, Mysterio does his trademark spin, trips on his baggy pants,
gutshot by Skipper, Overdrive - 1, 2, 3. (5:59) Apparently, the Overdrive
is now called the "Play of the Week" - my bad.
Backstage, the Boogie Knights congratulate Franchise on having such a cool
chick. Wow, how'd she get from THERE to THERE so fast? Franchise makes a
big deal out of saying that later, Torrie's ass is getting "Franchised."
Meanwhile, the Natural Born Thrillers are WALKING!
A bloodmobile pulls up when we return - David Flair exits it - and now,
he's WALKING!
WCW Magazine ad
6/7 OF THE NATYRAL BORN THRYLLYRZ are out to make noise. Reno's apparently
been denied entry into Australia - aw, shucks. Sanders: "Now, before I got
making some big acceptance speech on being the new WCW
Commissioner...I'm gonna book a match tonight on what we just witnessed.
I'm gonna book a special 'Down Underwear' (squeaks) match against Torrie
Wilson, and brrrrrrrrr Tygress. Both ladies will start out in safari
outfits, and the one left standing in her underwear (squeaks) will be the
loser. Now, it takes, I take great pride in accepting the responsibility
of the new WCW Commissioner's spot, and with the backing of Mr. Russo,
hell, I can't fail! Now, you folks are...["Russo Sux" chant]...what did
you say? Lemme tell you something, you people are in for a big treat
tonight, because you people will be the first to witness the end of
Goldberg's streak." One quick edit later, CAT (with Mz. Jonez) is out.
"Cut that damn music off! Let me tell you something, Sanders, who in the
hell do you think you are?" "I think I'm the man that Mr. Russo put in
charge in this damn show, the Commissioner!" "No, I think you are the man
that kissed Mr. Russo ass all over! Now, I'm gonna tell you something,
little man. You know, you work hard, and you pull everything out to make
this show a better show, so I'm gonna take my hat off to you. But right
now, tonight, the only think you gon' be pulling out is my (foot from your
ass!)" But before he can hit the ring, the rest of the Thrillers form a
phalanx. Cat says maybe he and Sanders can put their commissionerships
together and give the fans a great show tonight. The Cat feels like
dancing - let's have a party tonight! Cat asks someone to call his momma
so they can celebrate. Cat says he has a few friends he wants to have
celebrate with him, and out comes THE SECOND FAMILY. You can tell how lame
this is, 'cause I've stopped transcribing it. Eleven men in the ring and
nothing going on. Cat says Sanders is a good commissioner, but Cat is a
GREAT commissioner, and an even better dancer. Sanders asks for them to
hit Cat's music. He dances for about ten seconds, then throws Sanders a
right hand - Pier Eleven brawl ensues and the Thrillers are cleared out of
the ring. Yikes. Cat says we can do this thing the hard way or the easy
way, "but tonight, I'm gon' beat yo ass all night." Sanders says he better
bring some backup, 'cause HE'LL be prepared. SECURITY takes the Thrillers
out of the picture as Cat, Jones and the MIA pose in the ring. Russo
stayed home so he could have extra time to write this!
Disqo practices the Alex Wright tanz in front of a mirror, while Wright
does the Alex Wright dance nearby. The Boogie Knights get a tag team title
shot - tonoight!
Backstage, Stacey Keibler exits a Porsche - hey, that steering wheel is on
the wrong side! Now, she's WALKING!
When we come back, Jarrett walks around doing his Sting impersonation.
This is actually kinda funny. "Owwwwwww!"
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: MARK JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE (already in the ring) v.
BOOGIE KNIGHTS (with Disqo Duck) - oh oh, when the champions not only enter
first, but get the *jobber* treatment, you KNOW something's up. Knights
have pretty damn cool music - somebody probably will get fired from that.
20 days until Havoc - if you don't believe me, lookit this graphic!
Jindrak and Wright start - knee, right, hammerlock by Wright. Reversal by
Jindrak, backed up to the unfriendly corner, clean break by Wright but
kidney punches by Disqo. Is he still Disqo or is he back to Disco? And do
you care? Right by Wright - knife-edge chop (woooo!), chop, head to the
buckle, into the opposite corner, big back elbow. Into the opposite corner
is reversed, boot up by Wright, Jindrak with a tilt-a-whirl, ever so close
to dropping him on his head. Jindrak takes a stab at the Alex Wright
dance, so Disqo comes in and waffles him with the duck. Spinning heel kick
by Wright. Half gutwrench/half death suplex gets 2 - O'Haire breaks it up.
Tag to Disqo - crowd cheers! Snap suplex by Wright, Disqo on the second
rope...and coming off with a forearm drop. Teasing O'Haire...back to
Jindrak - into the ropes, reversed, knee in the back by O'Haire, clothesine
by Jindrak. Tag. Into the ropes, O'Haire leapfrog, Jindrak like wall,
Disqo bounces off and back to O'Haire...scoop...and a slam. O'Haire mounts
him - open-handed slap - Disqo punch drunk. Spin kick by O'Haire, right,
tag to Jindrak. In the corner, doubleteam stomping. Double overhand toss.
Jindrak sets him up for the Seantonbomb - but Wright crotches him before he
can take off. Jindrak stomps away, into the ropes, dropkick - nope. Tag
to Wright, into position for a side Russian legsweep by Disqo, set in
motion by a Wright missle dropkick. 1, 2, no. NBA starts 1 November!
Disqo tosses O'Haire. Into the ropes, atomic drop for Jindrak by Disqo,
dropkick by Wright - 1, 2, NO! Chop, into the ropes is reversed, O'Haire
trips him up from the oustide, elbowdrop to the back by Jindrak. O'Haire
in - double atomic drop, double dropkick! Tony: "Shades of the old Rock
and Roll Express." Stevie Ray: "The who?" O'Haire with a right hand, into
the ropes, dropping down for a gutshot, kneelift. Holding back the leg for
an unorthodox tag, jawbreaker by O'Haire, Jindrak comes in with a top rope
clothesline. 1, 2, no. Tag to O'Haire - I think - into the corner,
O'Haire with a clothesline. Back to the first corner, Jindrak whipped into
Wright, but he ain't there no mo' - O'Haire's clothesline ducked with a
tumble, and Wright makes the HOT TAG! Duck, right, right, O'Haire right,
Disqo right, right, off the ropes, knee to the gut, swinging neckbreaker
off the ropes, gutshot and DDT for Jindrak, 1, 2, tries to cover O'Haire,
referee "Blind" Charles Robinson says "hell, they're probably both legal,"
and counts another 2. Jindrak whipped into O'Haire - they stop short of a
collision. Disqo tries the double noggin knocker, but they block it. Shot
for Disqo - Wright going up top - crossbody on BOTH men, and both are
covered - double kickout at 2! Wright stomps away on Jindrak whilst Disqo
whips O'Haire into a corner. Boot up by O'Haire - going for a clothesline
but Disqo ducks - and Robinson gets FLATTENED. Disqo clotheslines O'Haire
out. Here comes referee "Blind" Billy Siverman as Jindrak rolls up Wright
- 1, 2, kicked out into a Chartbuster! Disqo covers - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and
gentlemen, we have new tag team champions! (5:58) But here comes MIKE
SANDERS to reverse the decision, citing a disqualification since the ref
was knocked out. Well, sure that makes PERFECT sense. For more fun,
PERFECTSHAWN, CHUCK PALUMBO & JOHNNY "THE BULL" Pearl Harbor the Knights
from behind. After a three-way beatdown, Sanders asks the referee to
restart the match. O'Haire covers Disqo while Jindrak covers Wright -
Silverman in to count - 1, 2, 3. (plus 0:08) Yeah, but it was *O'Haire*
that....oh, my head hurts.
Stacey Keibler is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Goldberg gets off a motorcycle (hey, that steering wheel is on
the...oh, wait) and now he too is WALKING!
Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim (no Savage), Tootsie
candies, Geico, and Geico (again)
Here's a Special Video Look at the Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary. "I hate
QANTAS." There's a Tasmanian devil. There's the Nitro Grrls feeding the
kangaroos. There's Pamela Paulshock feeding some kangaroos. Let's move on?
"Hi, I'm Sting. Remember me? I'm the guy with no heart! I'm the guy who's
no longer hungry! I'm the guy who's finished! Who's done! Why should I
want to give the fans their money's worth when I can be in a movie with
Daisy Fuentes? Buy the Stinger MasterCard now!" He then hits a smilin'
pose that I hope DDT Digest has captured for me to seal
THE MARK stands in the ring and welcomes out STACEY KEIBLER. Should
pregnant women be flying from America to Australia? Everybody decides that
she's showing. Asking if he can touch her belly, Mark gets dissed. Mark
takes a couple hundred words to ask who the father is. "Well, you know
what, I'm gonna be real polite, I'm gonna be real polite in saying
this...but um, Mark, it's none of your business, or any of your business
here. But, but while I have a second I'd like to say something to someone
that I, I really care about. Umm, David, this needs to stop. You're
running around here like a crazy person implicating people that are
innocent. And if you want to blame anyone, blame me. And I made a
mistake, and I'm sorry. But I still love you. I do, I still love you, but
please, please, for the sake of me and my unborn child, please stop this
madness, running around here...." Mark takes the Tenay role by asking if
she won't give it up because she can't remember (no), because she was
inebriated (no), because there's been so many men she just doesn't know,
honey (this interview is over!) Cue DAVID FLAIR who comes out as Stacey
smiles. Big hug - no, Flair ducks it. Keibler tries to appeal to him, but
Flair is more interested in learning what it is about Buff Bagwell she
likes so much - his muscles, his top hat, or his dance? She says it was
just innocent flirting on the tape. Flair demands a blood test and fishes
around for...blood test stuff, I guess. CROWBAR comes out and asks Flair
to calm down. "We've been through a lot here - and you're hurting." Flair
tells Crowbar he was always jealous of him when he was with Daffney.
Crowbar ignores this and asks him to come backstage and they can talk about
this like the old times. Flair turns to leave, but as soon as Crowbar
turns his back, he punks him out. THAT 70'S MULLET comes out to make the
save. Woof woof. Play his music!
Backstage, Safari Tygress is WALKING!
Meanwhile, Safari Samuda is WALKING!
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Jeff Jarrett, who says he's the real
Sting - at least, the version everyone cared about. He promises a treat in
the next segment for all his little Stingers - autographs in the middle of
the ring (only $15)! "So choke on that-- I mean owwwwwwww! It's showtime!"
Halloween Havoc ad
SAM GRECO sits in the first row. He's got something to do with K-1 or
something.
TYGRYSS v. TORRIE SAMUDA in a Down Underwear match - "Brotha, if you're
gonna use 'em, use 'em like this." Take a drink every time somebody says
"yak." "It's on like Donkey Kong now!" Basketball in three weeks and a
bit! Vaderbomb from Tygress meets the knees. A strippin' we will go.
Tygress' top off - Wilson's shorts off. Faceful o' stuff by Tygress.
Wilson blocks and slaps. Tygress has the top, though - it's over. I
think. (1:56) OH NO SHE'S IN A SWIMSUIT OH NO - FRANCHISE is out to cover
his woman and hold Tygress, frozen, in the Franchiser position as long as
it takes for KONNAN to come out and save her. Play his music...again!
"Hey, let's see if you understand this - hey jackass! Get ready to get
Franchised, ha ha! Yo yo yo, let me speak on this! Orale! Arriba la
raza!"
Backstage, Vito catches up to "Commissioner Hiney-wipe" - "Mr. Stromboli
Holder" says he's got a special match for him tonight. Vito says it
doesn't matter who it is, 'cause he's got big nuts. Or something.
Promtional consideration paid for by Tootsie candies (again), the Nitro
trading card game, "Toy Story 2" on video and DVD, and Tootsie candies
(again again)
(THIS IS) JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET (with TV-14-DL ratings box) walks out
to Metallica. What happened to "A Man Called Sting, huh?" Jarrett hands a
note to ring announcer DAVID PENZER. Hey, Halloween Havoc is in 20 days -
the graphic don't lie! "You're joking, right? Okay. For those in
attendance here in Brisbane, and the millions watching around the world, I,
David Penzer, am proud to introduce the one - the only - the original - the
man they call Sting!" "Owwwwww!" "Jeff, they know it's you." Jarrett
threatens a backhand. "Give it up for the Stinger, folks!" Crowd boos.
Jarrett leads some rhythmic clapping and takes the stick. "We want Sting!"
"You got me right here, standing in the ring. Give it up for the one - the
only - the original Sting - owwwwwww! The Sting BEFORE he lost his heart.
Now before I get down to business and sign some autographs and make some
money off these little rugrats...I mean, Stingers, I've got a major
announcement to make. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, take a real
good look at the Stinger, because when the Chosen One, Jeff Jarrett beats
the living hell outta me, puts the Stroke on me, and pins me 1, 2, 3 at
Halloween Havoc, I'm gonna do what I should have done YEARS ago - and
that's retire. Owwwwww! So for right now, I'm gonna do one last good
gesture for all my little Stingers - I'm gonna sign some autographs.
That's right - I may have lost my heart, may lost my smile, but I gotta
cash in while I got the chance. Imagine how much my autograph's gonna be
worth when I'm finally gone! So come on up here, you little mutants - I
mean Stingers - get Mom and Daddy's money, get your fifteen bucks and come
up on here in the ring, 'cause I've got some autographs to sign. We got
time for everybody - we got time for..." A rope appears behind him - must
mean (THIS IS) STING is rappelling down the ring. Yep...very slooooooowly.
Jarrett stands nose to nose and puts on the badmouth - then hits the
roaring lion pose behind Sting's back. So Sting turns around and punches
him a lot. Outside we go, into the rail, to the table (Stevie Ray
gets unhappy). Sting steals Stevie Ray's safari hat and puts it on
Jarrett. "I just bought this hat today!" Jarrett fires back once they're
back in the ring. Jarrett splash! Jarrett poses again...then sets up his
merchandise table as the crowd chants "table." Suplex through the table.
STING NO SELLS!! Jarrett turns around - to Sting hitting the pose himself
- into the ropes, clothesline, Ten Punch Count Along (Stevie Ray is
counting along), call to the crowd, Stinger splash, Scorpion Death Lock.
Jarrett taps out...not that that helps any, mind you. THREE REFS come out
- I guess that's all they could afford to fly over - and plead with Sting
to break the hold. Sting declines. Oh, wait, there he goes. Play
Metallica! Hey, did this keep you from turning to RAW? Well, you can do
it now - you only missed around three minutes.
Thunder ad
When we come back, Scott Steiner is WALKING! He spots Jarrett getting
worked on by the trainer. "What happened?" "Sting got me." "I'll take
care of Sting!"
"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS is out. "Listen up, Brisbane - now you know I
don't play games. So when the Cat told me to get some backup, I got me
seven feet of ass-wippin' Big Nasty." It's Corliss Williamson! It's Cor--
oh, no, it's KEVIN NASH. CAT (and Mz. Jonez) are out. Sanders got his
grandma, he's got his partner, and he's got six words for you: save the
drama fer yo momma...
"ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS & KEVIN NASH v. CAT (with Mz. Jonez) & BOOKA
T. - Nash reinjures knee stepping through the ropes. Sanders and T lock
up, side headlock by T, chain wrestling to the opposite side, Sanders
elbows out, powers out, shoulderblock by T. Ducking a clothesline, spin
kick to Sanders. Sam Greco is watching intently - expect a run-in from him
tonight, ah do. Arm wringer, tag to Cat, into the ropes, double
clothesline. Cat with an arm wringer, back kick, kick, kick, front kick,
kick, into the ropes, head down, sunset flip attempt by Sanders, Cat fights
it, chops his crotch, karate chop, breakdancing elbow, pose. Into the
ropes, reversed, forearm from behind by Nash. T wants in but referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson holds him at bay. Sanders with stomps and chokes
behind the ref's back. Sanders with a snapmare - off the ropes with a big
kick to the chest. We look at the crowd (an edit?), and when we come back,
Sanders hits his dancing fistdrop. Tag to Nash. Cat and Sanders trade
blows, but Nash strikes from behind to turn it back around. Big sidewalk
slam gets 2. Shot for T, distracting him and Robinson - shot to Cat, fake
tag, Sanders chokes away. Kneedrop. Knee. Cat punches back, Sanders
rakes the face. Into the ropes, reversed, double clothesline and both men
are down. We cut to the crowd during this ten count...neither man gets
past "up to his knees" after 9 but Robinson stops anyway - sigh. Tag to T,
tag to Nash - duck, they're blacking out a sign in the crowd and it's
distracting me, Harlem sidekick, punch for Sanders, right to Nash, right,
into the ropes, clothesline, Sanders with a gutshot, clubbing forearm,
forearm, gutshot, off the ropes, Harlem sidekick. Oh, I see - all these
crowd shots are to keep us from seeing that sign in the crowd. Golly, I
wonder what it says. T ducks a clothesline - in position for the Book End
- but Cat wants in. So Cat's in as T delivers a knee instead. Into the
corner, Feliner as Sanders comes out - Cat covers - 1, 2, 3. No, I don't
think either man was legal. Oh well. (4:33) Post-match, Cat walks over
to Greco and makes some moves...Sanders attacks him from behind while WHITE
THUNDER hits the ring to put the lead pipe to T. "Hey Booker T! I don't
have a crystal ball and I can't see the foresee - see the future, but I
guarantee you one thing (boy), at Halloween Havoc I'm gonna kick your ass!"
Big pipe to the gut. "Seeing as you're in no shape to wrestle tonight -
Sting! You son of a bitch! I want you tonight, Sting, right here!
Tonight, in this ring! I'm gonna beat your ass, and them I'm comin' out
there and beatin' every one of you up!" Play his music! Here's a
replay of the pin, and the pipe shots. I wonder what that sign said.
Paulshock asks David Flair what he was thinking out there. Flair
challenges Mike Awesome to a hardcore match. Yup.
Goldberg plays with rubber bands! NEXT!
Jeff Jarrett shills the TracFone - suitable for calling yo momma
Paulshock stands with Big Vito - a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do -
this is his big chance to take out Goldberg, a man he does not sweat.
They're friends, but they got business in the ring. This is a real treat
for the fans! No, really, he said that. After the match is over, they'll
shake hands. Woof.
BIG VITO v. COLD BEER (entrance: 1:25) - Wow, Australians can't correctly
spell "you're" on their signs either! Vito stomps as he enters, pounds,
right, right, right, whip into the ropes, reversed, trying for a Meltdown,
but Vito falls backwards off the shoulder onto his feet, Mafia kick, no
sell, spear, NBA starts 1 November, jackhammer, 1, 2, 3. (0:38) Goldberg
is 4-0. Stevie Ray: "You never know when that jackhammer is coming." Me:
"Umm, after the spear?" Goldberg leaves the ring without shaking his hand!
Post-match, JOHNNY "THE BULL" hits the ring to give Vito a taste of that
kendo stick. Goldberg turns back, duck, gutshot, pumphandle - whoops,
needs a second try (I think he must have been swearing here as it's muted)
- then throws him over his shoulder! Spear! Hey, I never know when the
jackhammer is coming...oh, wait, there it is. Count it - 1, 2, 3. (no
opening bell - call it 0:53) Why yes, they DO count that towards the
record. 5-0. Now the music of KRONI>| interrupts things. Vito and
Goldberg finally have that hug before they come out. Halloween Havoc is 20
days away! Whoops, before we see if anything happens, we take an ad break.
Close captioning where available sponsored by Meineke!
Outside the arena - WOW! A CAR PULLS UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey, that
steering wheel was on the wrong side of that car. (The more I say this,
the FUNNIER it gets)
THAT 70'S MULLET v. DAVID FLAIR in a hardcore match - I'm in the middle of
a coughing fit here - let me get break it down thusly - garbage can,
garbage can, garbage can, the fatter the commentator, the bigger the idiot.
FLAIR FLIP!! Flair goes over the rail, and Awesome does a no-hands
tope over the rail to go after him. Chair! Flair's trick knee acts up!
Flair strut! Awesome decides to no sell all the chops and clothesline him
down. Crowd sorta chants "Awesome." Awesome splash! This thing should be
over - oh, we need the Awesomebomb first...1, 2, 3. Cough! (4:31) I'm
starting to think that these cough drops actually CAUSE coughing instead of
PREVENTING it. Honestly, I think I was doing better before I took this
thing - hey, outside, we see that car and...Ric Flair gets out! Back to
Awesome, who's setting up a table outside the ring. Before he can
Awesomebomb him through the table, the music plays and THE MAN runs out
with mic in hand. "Mike - Mike...he's had enough, come on man. You've got
children, you know where I'm coming from. He's confused, he's having a
tough time in life right now - he's had enough. You've got the win, you've
got the victory." Awesome flashes the peace sign and takes off. Ric hits
the ring and checks on David...who pulls back. "Get away! You stay away
from me! Get away from me!" Off walks David - off walks Ric, behind him.
Backstage, Major Gunns asks Kwee-wee for some wardrobe advice, but before
she can take it, Lance Storm shows up and pulls her away. WOW!
Jeff Jarrett is with the TracFone
WCW Magazine ad #2
WCW UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: LANCE STORM (with Elix Skipper &
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Major Gunns & 20 Days Until Halloween Havoc) v. KONNAN
(with Raymond Stereo & Tygryss - say, where's Juventud Guerrera? Yuk yuk
yuk) - "If I can be serious for a minute...don't think for one second that
because you're not American, I have any more tolerance for you than I do
for them. The truth is, Primetime's out here with the tape tonight, 'cause
I heard we had a local ring crew, and I wanted to make sure it wasn't the
same inept Aussie morons that set up the gymnastic equipment at the
Olympics! I knew it - the top rope is an inch and a half too low. If
being right was an Olympic event, I'd have a gold medal! Try to get one
thing right and all rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem!"
I guess if I'd seen the Olympics, I'd get that joke (no, DON'T write and
explain it to me). First man to talk over the anthem is Stevie Ray -
SHAME! Anthem lasts (:27) In case you're wondering where Guerrera is, he
likes "X" - or is it "E" - I always forget. Duggan barks randomly - boy,
HIS heart is in it. He lets out a "HOOOOO" just for kicks. Lockup, arm
wringer by Storm, reversed, armdrag takeover, another armdrag, Konnan rolls
over, Storm counters, arm wringer, Konnan tumbles, Storm floats over, both
men back up, arm wringer, front flip by Konnan, armdrag. We see Team
Canada heading backstage - I guess to punish Gunns. Oh, apparently referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson sent all the seconds away when I wasn't paying
attention, okay. Side headlock by Storm, powered out, Storm slides under,
back elbow, into the ropes, Konnan holding on, gutshot, La Magistral cradle
for 2. Back elbow by Storm. Shoulder sent into the ringpost. Vertical
suplex - 1, 2, kickout. Storm stomps. Stomp. Storm slapping him and
taunting - Konnan punches back - jawbreaker by Storm, dropkick. Head to
the turnbuckle. Winding up the big right hand. Words for Robinson. Storm
still in command - backbreaker across the knee - 1, 2, kickout. Vertical
suplex attempt is countered with an inside cradle - 2 for Konnan. Double
clothesline and both men are down. Storm up at 5 - scoop...and a slam.
Storm going up top...swandive finds only the canvas. Konnan with
the tumblin' clothesline - off the ropes, leapfrog, back kick, breakdance,
face jam. Elbow, everybody stands for the run-in, whip into the opposite
corner is reversed, Storm ducks a clothesline, FRANCHISE manages to come
into the ring, hit forearm to the back, and leave without Robinson seeing
him - yeah, right - into a Northern Lights suplex and bridge - 1, 2, no!
Apparently, that forearm came with a loaded fist as well. Humm. Whip into
the corner, boot up by Konnan but Storm uses it to hit a dragon screw
legwhip. Canadian Maple Leaf - and Konnan taps. (4:36)
Look! It's Sting! And he's WALKING!
Meanwhile, Steiner is pumping up with the same apparatus Goldberg was
using. Guess he didn't need it any more. NEXT!
Jeff Jarrett's still got some TracFones to shill
Halloween Havoc ad
Thunder takes place in Sydney! Actually, it's already taken place, since
the taping was today. But, on TBS...well, you know.
WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) v. (THIS IS) STING - Before the match begins,
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET comes out in the zebra shirt - apparently, he's
been deemed the special guest referee. Stevie Ray (to Steiner): "GIT yo
ass outta here!" Sting decides to take a swipe at Jarrett, but before he
can, Steiner is back in the ring, pulling back Sting as Jarrett kicks at
him. Steiner with a kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, chop, opening
bell rings, into the opposite corner, elbow up by Sting. Sting kick, kick,
right, right, Jarrett hooks his arm and Steiner hits a knee. Clubbing
forearm. Sting thrown through the ropes - Steiner follows - whip into the
rail is reversed - shot for Jarrett on the outside. Jarrett put in the
ring, into the ropes, hiptoss, clothesline, clothesline for Steiner as he
comes back in, atomic drop for Jarrett, call to the crowd - Ten Punch Count
Along stops at 3 as he jumps off with a flying clothesline for Jarrett.
Jarrett whipped into Steiner, no reversal, Steiner catches with a
belly-to-belly - fast count but Sting manages to kick out at 2. Steiner
with a backbreaker across the knee. Scoop...and a tie to the Tree of Woe -
Jarrett holding onto the legs as Steiner pulls on the neck. Jarrett stomps
for good measure. Here comes Billy Silverman - there goes Billy Silverman.
Military press...and drop. Steiner rolls him over and covers Sting - 1, 2,
no. Off the ropes with a stomp. Off the ropes with a...stomp. Kick. Did
Steiner just say he ain't shit? Blockbuster suplex. Steiner doing pushups
and showing off the guns. 20 days away! Stomp. Head to the buckle is
blocked, blocked, Sting with a gutshot, head to the buckle, again, again,
Steiner's trick knee acts up. Steiner stomps. Sting put in the corner,
kick in the gut, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, some more
pushups. Sting with a gutshot, right, kick, right, coming back, no,
Steiner to the eyes - into the corner, but Sting puts up a boot! Stinger
splash! Stinger splash - but Jarrett stands in the way - so Sting decks
him. Sting outside for Steiner - into the rail. Poor Silverman is still
lying out there. Steiner with the lead pipe - whack. Sting probably
shouldn't have been paying attention to Jarrett there. Into the STEEL
steps - well, they missed, but Sting pretended to glance off it as he went
over. Sting and Jarrett whip Sting into the steps. They roll him back in
the ring. 1, 2, I think a save was supposed to be made here but, as usual,
they're a few steps too slow, so Sting has to kick out - just before CAT
pulls Jarrett out - BOOKA T. is with him and HE'S wearing the stripes as
well. Steiner with a big suplex - 1, 2, T stands up and puts his hands on
his hips. Steiner looks up - hey, that ain't Jarrett - Jarrett is white!
Clothesline ducked, another ducked, Harlem superkick into a Scorpion Death
Drop! 1, 2, 3! (6:52) Credits are up and we're outta time!
Glorified house show, but still a lot better wrestling-wise than the
storyline-laden stuff we've had to put up with recently. Do you get the
sense that they're going to try to tread water until the big news hits?
Dunno...for now, I'll enjoy the wrestling.
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net