by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
MAD PROPS: Special thanks, as always, to my gracious host and kissing
partner (and nitpicky editor), Kim. Right now, she's wondering if I'll
change this paragraph later - not on your life, baby!
QUICK QUOTES: Let the bleeding end! AOL 55.86 (+ 8.11), TWX 83.40 (+
12.30 ... last year 66 1/8), SPLN 9 7/16 (+ 1 1/4 ... last year 37 3/4)
EGO: I heartily encourage any WCW fans (are there any left?) who have
problems with the way I write to meet me on my brand new EZboard. I
promise you that if you make intelligent points that you can back up, I
will be happy to try to explain anything I have said in the past - or
anything I say in the present, for that matter. Or, if you like, you can
just insult me...I don't think it'll go over as well, but I have no problem
taking your best shot...then making a smartass comment in return.
A couple further preliminaries: I'm on VACATION. In case you haven't
figured it out, I'm here, once again, in New York City (finally?) and,
although I lined up a fine guest host for WOW, I couldn't find it in my
heart to break my Ripken-like streak of recapping RAW and Nitro (at least,
the ones on Monday) ... besides, something *exciting* might happen, and
where would I be if I'd had somebody ELSE talk about it? More important,
where would *you* be? (Don't answer that.)
In addition to that, I was unable to take advantage of the LIVE live
showing of tonight's show as I vowed to watch the entirety of the
Packers/Vikings game, then berate my host for being a Vikings fan.
Needless to say, I was feeling pretty low about things until God intervened
on that last Andersen field goal attempt. South African kickers don't
deserve to win, anyway! It was nice to see that after jobbing the Packers
for the entire night, they got that last call 100% correct. Is this the
start of the Packers turning it around? Tune in next week when I say
NOTHING about Green Bay after they lose again!
All right, let's get this damn party started right and/or quickly...
Oh, wait, one more thing:
I GET LETTERS:
As I *am* on vacation, I didn't have the chance...OR the inclination to go
find this out for myself, so I can at least hold out hope that it isn't
true. But if it is...well, many people much more important than I need to
say it...but if they don't - we'll miss you, Bobby. I wish there was a
place for you left in this business, but it seems as if the business has
moved on. With all my heart, I wish it would move back.
WCW logo - Vote Libertarian
It's a set of Thunder highlights you can do the mashed potato to - TV-14-DL
ratings box - close captioned logo - don't hate the playa, hate this
catchphrase
Earlier Today, Midajah distracted Sting long enough for Scott Steiner to
punk him out. Buff Bagwell showed up to help break things up.
At some other indiscriminate time, Kevin Nash and the Thrillers watched a
monitor. I think Nash suggested putting these guys (with Jarrett) into a
title match, but when Sanders asked him what he said, he responded with
"what the HELL did I just say?" so I don't know. Sanders went on to
suggest that making such a match would DEFINITELY result in someone being
S-O-L...Nash, showing an incredible amount of workrate as well as desire to
see this company succeed, swung his head around to O'Haire for the "and you
know what that means line." Then they all started BLEATING LIKE SHEEP - I
*shit* you not. That's a HELL of a way to set the tone for this show,
ain't it?
Opening Credits
LIVE from the PYRO of the United Centre in Chicago, IL 6.11.2K, this is
Turner Network Television and THIS is WCW Monday Nitro! QUAAAAAK QUAK QUAK
We start right off with THE NARCISSIST, complete with old entrance and
music (well, not his OLD music...that sounded like "Chariots of Fire") and
brand new hair. "Before I go on with what I came here to really say...Mark
Madden, would you please stand up for one moment." Remarking on his sudden
expertise in estimation of percentage of body fat, Luger remarks on the
difference between being an endomorph, and being a specimen of mesomorphic
excellence. Normally I transcribe these things, but I'd hate to put over
anything dealing with the jackass in the sunglasses, so let's skip forward
to Luger entering the ring. "Now THIS is how a show called WCW and true
superstars of our sport is supposed to start off with...'welcome back the
Total Package, Lex Luger!' Now when I bashed out Buff Bagwell's brains
last week, that was to make a statement!" "Loo Gar Sux!" "God, these
people love me...can ya blame 'em? My next statement was that the streak
that sickened me, and I think polluted everybody who made WCW, from the Ric
Flairs, to the Stings, to the Kevin Nashes, the guys that who are at home
like Scott Hall, from Bret Hart to Hulk Hogan, to Randy Savage, to the
Steiner Brothers, to the Road Warriors...Bill Goldberg, your bogus streak
of 176 is not gonna happen again, so a true superstar - a true superstar in
our sport - a man who for over a decade has been at the very top of his
game is challenging you, and we got - and we got a match made at Mayhem,
and your streak will be history." Crowd chants "cold beer." Chant while
you can, 'cause after Mayhem Goldberg won't be hear anymore. Turning to
Goldberg's book, Luger produces a WCW Magazine, telling us it contains a
reprint of a chapter of Goldberg's book. Calling in ROSS FOREMAN, Luger
asks him if he found more enlightening the chapter of Goldberg's book, or
the in-depth profile on the Total Package. (Luger's losing his voice right
in front of us - no vocal work while off the screen, huh, Lex?) Foreman
says there WAS no in-depth profile on the Total Package. Luger tells us
that there isn't a single article OR photo on the Total Package. "It's a
conspiracy! Because there's been a bunch of impostors out here, on the
magazine, in the magazine, on our show, a bunch of scabs posing as
wrestlers from the wrestling school, there's a bunch of women who will take
their clothes off for a box of protein bars instead of true superstars like
the Total Package Lex Luger, and this stinkin' magazine that you're a part
of writing doesn't have a single thing on Lex Luger. Is that correct?"
"There's nothing...in this issue." Luger asks him to take something back
to the office for him - big knee, big Torture Rack. FINALLY LUGER FINDS
SOMEONE TO SELL FOR HIM! Crowd goes...apathetic. All SIX REFS show up and
politely ask him to release him...he doesn't, then does. "Goldberg, you're
next at Mayhem."
Meanwhile, Goldberg is WALKING!
Scott Steiner is the star of this ad for "Seven" - I mean, "Mayhem." I
CANNOT IMAGINE how long they'll use this line
During the Break, Ross was stretchered out.
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with Kevin Nash and the Natural Born Thrillers.
Nash is reading Goldberg's book... "Why would Goldberg be standing
in just a cup?" Nash turns to comments of Stasiak, then asks for a title
match tonight. Stasiak shows up at this point and plays contrite, saying
that he wants another chance to prove himself to the Thrillers, and he'll
be there for Nash tonight. I wonder if there'll be a swerve later!
1-800-COL-LECT has the misfortune of sponsoring this portion of the show.
LANCE STORM (with Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Prime Time Elix Skipper) v. KWEE-WEE
(with Paisley) - We're gonna hear Goldberg's book plugs ALL NIGHT...reminds
me of Scott Keith. "If I can be serious for a minute...with your
presidential election right around the corner, I think it appropriate I
give you some last minute advice. Don't waste your time voting, 'cause no
matter who wins, YOU lose, you're still gonna be Americans! If you want to
improve your way of life, don't vote - emigrate to Calgary....Alberta,
Canada! All rise for the playing of the Canadian national anthem!" Hudson
misidentified Kwee-wee's EBTG ripoff as a Moby ripoff - keep trying,
friend! GOOD NIGHT! "You come out here dressed like that, you better have
someone other than her watching your back." Duggan decides to attack
outside the ring by surprise, then throws him in to Storm. Forearm, pound,
pound, into the opposite corner, clothesline sidestepped, schoolboy by
Kwee-wee gets 2. Atomic drop by Kwee-wee, clothesline takes him outside.
Duggan tries to help, but Kwee-wee is out after him - whip into the
barricade is reversed. Words for Paisley. Kwee-wee comes back. Girl,
please. Paisley says they have backup, but if "Angry Allan" comes out, it
may not be necessary. Hang on - WHO? Kwee-wee to the top - crossbody gets
2. Jawbreaker by Storm to turn it around. Superkick gets 2. Kwee-wee
tries to get out - suplex back in is countered, standing switch, back elbow
by Kwee-wee, 2. Into the ropes, nasty looking not-tilt-a-whirl flapjack
gets 2. Block by Storm, Northern Lights countered with a DDT by
Kwee-wee...for 2. "USA" chant encouraged in the opposite way by Duggan.
Storm with a reversal, Kwee-wee up and over, on the shoulder, spinebuster,
Canadian Maple Leaf, tap out. (2:18) Storm holds it on and Paisley calls
for her backup with a mayday "Code: Bad Hair Day." THEMONSTERMENG comes
out, completely 'frolicious, and cleans house. Storm acts scared of Meng.
Remember when he held three titles at once? ("Remember when Meng lost his
job?" "See, he came back at Storm's request on Thunder." "What was THAT
about?" "Umm....")
Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next," Slim Jim
(Savage), America (ha!) Online, Geico, and Geico Again
GENE O. works tonight! He stands with Goldberg, who waxes professorial
regarding his match tonight with Bam Bam Bigelow. He wants Goldberg? It's
a wish...A DEATH WISH. He's also had just about enough of "Luger's crap."
Luger shows up at this point and starts ticking off HIS resume, which
distracts Goldberg enough for Bigelow to punk him out from behind. IS THIS
THE NEXT TEAM PACKAGE? Even at near-unconsciousness, Goldberg can utter
"Who's next?" Apparently, both of their asses are.
Your commentators include TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON. I'm probably
supposed to note the Mancow sign behind them, but that's more somebody
else's gig. Talk quickly turns to...."Battledome" athletes?
Let's Take You Back to the Weekend when Diamond Dallas Page, Rick Steiner,
the Cat and Buff Bagwell slummed on "Battledome." Please tell me: which
show is giving which the rub? Also, which half of this crew isn't
currently active in WCW?
WCW WORLD HARDCORE TITLE: PERFECTSHAWN SHAWN STASIAK v. RENO - Let
Us Take You Back to Last Monday Where Stasiak Left the Thrillers. But He
Wants Back This Week. This is either a lame swerve or a lame inability to
make long-term booking plans. Either way, it spells LAME. Reno fails to
appear, so they try a second time. Backstage we look where Kronik leave
the picture...and the Thrillers find Reno in a pile of table remnants,
similar to Chuck Palumbo last Thunder. Stasiak is announced as winner by
forfeit. Schiavone says that only pinfalls or submissions count these
days, so he's not the new champion. Forfeits don't COUNT where the title
is concerned? SINCE FUCKING WHEN? Let's just add one more level of
lameness to this salad, shall we?
Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next" Again,
America (ha!) Online Again, Mag-Lite flashlights, and Just for Men. Holy
crap, somebody actually learned the demographics of this show!
Reno says he thought it was more than one guy who got him. Nash and the
remaining Thrillers dust off "SOL" and start quacking again.
THE MAN hits the ring. Thank God we got that Bruce Wirtz MacArthur
reference out of the way quickly! "Is this the home of the Chicago
Blackhawks? Woooo! The Chicago Bulls? Woooo! Well I wish it were the
home of the Nature Boy because the Nature Boy - woooo! - loves Chicago!
And I love being back with WCW, especially (woooo!) Bob Probert's scared to
death of me, pal - woooo! - especially as the CEO, which means this time,
officially I got something to say about the way the company is being run,
so Madden, you and Schiavone and Scott get that across to the American
public - Ric Flair's runnin' WCW. Woooo! Now last week, we sat in Atlanta
and we made some things official, some things that this business needs to
see up front. At Mayhem, on November 26th, you're gonna see, in my
estimation, the greatest pay-per-view that we've put on in a long time.
You are going to see Hugh (G. Rection) vs. Lance Storm, for the last time,
for the US title - there will be a winner! Woooo! You like that? And Lex
Luger, I got ya back in the business, you're one of the biggest names, one
of the greatest stars, but my man, as big and awesome as you are, you're
gonna have to wrestle Bill Goldberg at Mayhem! And man, I'm gon' be there
to see that, that's gon' be a great match. And now, something that means a
lot to me personally, is the World heavyweight championship. It's at stake
at Mayhem. I feel like I know that title better than any wrestler alive.
The World Championship Wrestling version of the world championship is the
most prestigious trophy in our sport. The man that walks out of Mayhem
will be the flagship by which this company is built on for the future -
Booker T. or Scott Steiner - it makes no difference. It's gonna be a great
match, it's gonna be in a cage, two guys are gonna walk in the ring, one is
gonna walk out as the world heavyweight champion, the number one athelte in
pro sports. Woooo! And whoever that man as, as CEO, you will be our
flagship, right along with Bill Goldberg and Sting and those of the past.
Now one thing I am gonna talk about, 'cause I want Scott Steiner to hear
this, personal and up close: Scott Steiner, your conduct is unacceptible.
I respect you as a national amateur champion, I respect you as a great
athlete, I respect you for the awesome figure of a man you are, but your
conduct will not be tolerated. You will not be grabbing people, you will
not be hollering and screaming, you will not be hitting people with pipes,
you will conduct yourself as a member of WCW." It takes a certain member
of the commentary crew a whole three seconds to completely bury Flair in an
attempt to put himself over with a "funny joke," and I'm not going to
repeat it. Meantime, here comes WHITE THUNDER & MIDAJAH. "I'm sittin'
there in the back midning my own business, and I hear you don't like my
attitude. Well listen up, you old bastard, I never liked you! And I don't
care if you're the CEO or the janitor, I don't take orders from no man.
You got that you son of a bitch? Huh? You got that?" BOOKA T. runs out,
spins Steiner around, right, right, right, into the ropes, clothesline
ducked, Harlem sidekick. Play his music! Steiner thinks about running
back in as SECURITY shows up to hold him back. "Now I know why I'm
retired, man. Let me just - let me just reiterate what I just said to the
wrestling world and to Scott Steiner. This is a professionally run company
- we'll conduct ourselves like professionals and we will take a step
forward after Mayhem. (How come every time he says "Mayhem" it sounds like
"'Nam?") But because of what just happened, exactly what I'm talking
about, Steiner - at Mayhem, in the cage, I'm gonna put a straitjacket
twelve feet over the ring, and the first man in that match - Booker, you or
Steiner - that gets that straitjacket off that rope...you can put it on
your opponent and you can beat the hell out of 'em. Rules don't change -
you win by pinfall, you win by submission, but if you or Steiner get that
straitjacket, you can put it on the other one. I know what that means, I'm
putting you in a tough spot, but Steiner, get this straight, too. If you
touch ME or any other non-wrestling employee again, you will not only not
make it to Mayhem, you won't be working for WCW. Woooo!"
WCW Magazine ad - at least LEX LUGER reads it
"The following is a paid announcement by Jimmy Hart." Don't tell me
this is just an excuse to bring out MANCOW once again...let's skip this.
Oh, wait, SHANE HELMS & SHANNON MOORE beat down Mancow...and Jimmy Hart
helps.
WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE: 3 COUNT v. JUNG DRAGONS (with Leia Meow) v. MARK
JINDRAK & SEAN O'HAIRE in a three-way dance - 3 Count dumped Evan Karagias
on Thunder in the same match that saw the Dragons oust Jamie Howard.
Thunder, by the way, will start airing at the top of the hour starting this
Wednesday, so it'll be a lot easier to set your VCR's from now on. ("I
don't watch Thunder." "Oh. Well...") Later in the show, Ric Flair will
reinstate somebody! Stay tuned! Hard to believe this is only the second
match of the night, given that it's ten to the hour, isn't it? So why do I
feel so lazy? Possibly that I already know the run-in is coming as EVAN
KARAGIAS breaks up Helms' snap slop drop pinfall attempt, unbeknownst to
the referee (whose name I've already forgotten) - Seantonbomb on Yang and
Jindrak covers- 1, 2, 3. Champs retain. (4:01) Post-match, we find out
that THOSE BATTLEDOME GUYS are in the front row. The Dragons and 3 Count
team up on Karagias until JAMIE (HOWARD, nee -SAN) shows up with a chair
and saves him. (Kim: "Why didn't Madusa save him?" Me: "Umm...*I* didn't
even remember that.") After everybody leaves, he threatens to knock
*Karagias* silly, but before we can see this play out, we immediately cut to
Backstage, Smooth says he's smooth. He's ready to let somebody out of the
limousine....no, no, not yet. It's only four to the hour, see! I say it's
gotta be SCOTT NORTON!!!!!
The 1-800-COL-LECT Replay is Jamie swinging the chair.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (and the TV-14-DL ratings box) come out to "Positively"
Kanyon's music. "Wassup! Ya know, I tried to get out, but they
PULLED me back in. The way I see it, if they're gonna pull me back in, I'm
gonna have as much fun as possible!" Is he gonna shoot with us? I doubt
it. He talks about a non-televised match with Booker T. for the title in
Amarillo. He wasn't jacked up, though - Positively Page was one Negative
SOB. Maybe it was all the crap that happened over the past year, who
knows? The thing was, the pop that he got made it all worthwhile. He says
Chicago. "Okay, cheap pop, but it's a shoot." As soon as he came out from
behind the curtain, he had a moment of clarity. What the hell was he so
negative about? He may not be the youngest buck, but he's got the biggest
heart. He relates the story of how Flair brought him back and hits all his
catchphrases. He says Chicago once again. I wonder if RAW's on yet? Oh,
it IS! "You want DDP back?" Eh, I could go either way. "Well, Naitch,
you can bet your ass, I'm back and I'm JACKED!" I wonder if Jakked is on
this weekend? At this point, those Battledome guys start to make a big
scene, so Page brings out BUFF DADDY BAGWELL, CAT and RICK WOOF WOOF. Oh,
look, Steiner's back for at least tonight. Cat takes the mic and dares
them to cross the rail so he can beat the hell out of them chumps. Bagwell
says they're not Battledome guys, they're Battledome (queers). Steiner
says you want some, come get some. They rush the ring...SECURITY & ROAD
AGENTS separate everybody out. I don't know about you, but I hope to GOD
that this titanic - nay, EPIC struggle - comes to a head and plays out ONLY
ON PAY-PER-VIEW!
Buff Bagwell carries the power of the card - I have been asked to note that
the "Benefits at the Nitro Grill" that we saw this weekend on "Worldwide"
has been excised just in time to stop me making fun of it...except via the
loophole of noting its absence. DAMN Kim is a clever one
Thunder ad - damn, they took Bret Hart out and I can't make fun of THAT
either.
During the Break, the "Battledome Warriors"
Paulshock stands with Shawn Stasiak, who denies all involvement in Palumbo
and Reno's attack. He says again that his ears were filled with the wrong
advice and he's set to prove he's a man of his word...not only to the
world, but to the Thrillers...and Nash.
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET and WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) v. BUFF DADDY
BAGWELL and (THIS IS) STING - "One of these things is not like the other /
which one is different? Do you know / Can you tell me which one is not
like the other / now before I finish my song" Jarrett and Bagwell
start. "Jarrett Sux" chant makes Bagwell laugh. Steiner stalks around
ringside - I'm thinking ONE renegade fan could ruin ALL the kayfabe Flair
just tried to lay down. Jarrett takes umbrage. NBA on TNT Wednesdays and
Thursdays! Jarret first, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp, into
the ropes, duck, Bagwell kicks, swinging neckbreaker, pinwheel, tag.
Stinger splash! But Steiner is quickly in with a sneak attack. Into the
opposite corner is reversed, clothesline by Sting, kick, Ten Punch Count
Along stops at six as he leaps off to catch Jarrett. Jarrett whipped into
- no, it's reversed and Sting is whipped into a belly-to-belly from
Steiner. Into the ropes, Steinerline. Kiss the bicep, drop the elbow. 1,
2, no. Steiner puts his hands all over referee "Blind" Mark Johnson...but
he won't get fired, I'm sure. Way to sell the storyline, Steiner. Back
over to Sting - got him scooped up - backbreaker across the knee. Steiner
with words for the fans. Tag to Jarrett. Jarrett from the second
turnbuckle with a clubbing blow. Stomp. Head to the buckle. Right. Into
the opposite corner, elbow is sidestepped, but Sting falls. Tag to
Steiner. Steiner chats with Johnson while Jarrett stomps away.
Blockbuster suplex gets 2. Steiner tries again, and gets 2 again. Again,
Steiner goes for the ref. Steiner puts a knee in the back and pulls on
Sting's arms. Sting to his feet as the crowd cheers him on - knee by
Steiner. Going to the corner, but Sting blocks it, then puts Steiner's
head (reluctantly) into the corner four times...Steiner's trick knee acts
up. Steinerline. Words for Bagwell, drawing him in. Non-tag for
Jarrett...into the ropes, but Sting tries the sunset flip - Bagwell sneaks
in with a right to finish it. 1, 2, no. Jarrett tags Steiner. Field goal
kick for Steiner. Another. Shot for Bagwell - threatened shot for
Johnson. Sting evades the suplex, then hits a gutshot and DDT. Will he
tag Bagwell? Tag to Jarrett - hot tag to Bagwell! Right for you, right
for you, clothesline for you, clothesline for you, clothesline takes
Jarrett outside, Steiner fires back with a right, or something. Camera
work is HORRID tonight. Into the ropes, Stienerline ducked, knee to the
gut by Bagwell, double underhook DDT, 2 for Bagwell. Signalling for the
Buff Blockbuster - that's his move! Jarrett is in with his gee-tar - El
Kabong across the back. Sting back in with a low blow for Jarrett, then
takes him outside - they brawl up the aisle. Steiner Recliner in the
ring...and that's it. (6:12)
Wherever books are sold, you can purchase "I'm Next" - Goldberg's story -
by Goldberg - for Goldberg
LANCE STORM joins the commentary team, still wearing a large amount of
glitter. He asks why Alex Wright gets the shot tonight despite the fact
that he's had three titles and never lost any of them. Sounds like BAD
BOOKING to me...
WCW UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP: ACHTUNG ACHTUNG HIER IST ALEX WRIGHT (mit
Disqo) v. GENERAL RECTION (with The Second Family) - Disqo says he'll
translate for our benefit. Wright (in German): "Attention, attention, here
is Alex Wright." Disqo: "Alex says: Yo yo yo, let me speak on this."
Wright: "Chicago is a terrible city." "Alex says that Chicago is the
greatest city in America!" "General Rection, you listen to me." Disqo
says that after he wins the title tonight, he'll take the title back to
Germany and defend it on his home soil, where it belongs. Wright says that
after he wins the title tonight, he'll take it back to Germany and defend
it on his home soil, where it belongs. Man, this is confusing! "Alex
says: thank you!" By the way, Thunder starts at 6 starting Wednesday (I
mean 9. Sorry.) Lockup, to the...here and there...to the corner. Referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson forces the break, and Wright sneaks in a recht.
Knife-edge chop. Into the corner, back elbow followup. Into the opposite
corner, reversal, boots up by Wright. Runs into a powerslam, though, for
2. Into the ropes, press...and slam. "We want puppies!" Elbowdrop by
Rection, there's another, and here's a herky-jerky legdrop for....2.
NBA on TNT Wednesdays and Thursdays. Into the ropes, dropping down, Wright
backflips over him, spin kick, kicks and stomps, Das Wundertanz!! To
the...Vulcan neck pinch? Wright still has his Shaq sideburns on his bald
head, I should add. Rection to his feet and elbowing out. Leapfrog by
Wright, dropkick misses, clothesline by Rection for 2. Knife-edge chop by
Rection, chop, into the opposite corner, up and over, clothesline misses,
back kick by Wright, since they've now actually MENTIONED the Oberhausen
show (a European pay-per-view), it sure seems a lock that the title's
changing hands tonight. Into the corner, European uppercuts by Wright,
front slam, going outside, springing in with a crossbody for 2. Snapmare
takeover. Climbing up top...Wright hits a ... big stomp? Okay. 1, 2, no!
Disqo has a chair as Wright brings Rection up with a full nelson...but the
Misfits pull Disqo off the apron...then chase him out through the crowd.
Back in the ring - nice snap suplex by Wright. Robinson talking with Major
Gunns...STILL. Rection catches Wright on top and beals him in - big
avalanche in the corner. Going up for No Laughing Matter - pointing to
Storm - it hits - 1, 2, 3. (4:53) Well shut my mouth. I guess we still
got a Thunder before the tour of Europe?
LOOK! It's Bam Bam Bigelow! And he's WALKING!
WCW Magazine ad #2
Close captioning on WCW Monday Nitro is brought to you by Wizards of the
Coast's WCW Nitro trading card game!
With a Maple Leaf behind him, Hacksaw Jim Duggan tells us what's wrong with
America. "Only 30% of you big ol' proud folks will pull yourself out of
your easy chairs, pull your freight down the polling place and vote. And
you call yourself true Americans! Sure, the choices may not be too good,
but they're the best that you got!" I think the point is ... to vote?
"Let me tell you what's wrong with America. It's......YOU!"
Paulshock stands with Booker T., who says that Nash can have a title shot
tonight if he wants it. He thanks Flair for stepping up to the plate and
taking care of bidness. Steiner best check himself 'fore he wreck himself.
Boo-ya! He gonna get witcha.
TRIPPA B (with Let Us Take You Back to Thunder...and Earlier Tonight) v.
COLD "no record tonight" BEER, AUTHOR OF "I'M NEXT" - AVAILABLE WHEREVER
BOOKS ARE SOLD (entrance : 1:21) - if you missed Thunder, you missed Bam
Bam Bigelow's return...and his defeat of Crowbar. THE NARCISSIST walks out
to watch this match. Bigelow goes for the Greetings, but Goldberg slips
the hold, pushes him into the ropes, spears him, jackhammers him (wow!) and
pins him. (2:43) Luger smiles and waves - Goldberg tells him he's next.
Mayhem ad #2
WHITE THUNDER (with Midajah) are in the ring when we get down. "Ric Flair
- I don't give a damn if you're the new CEO, I don't care if you're the
janitor - I don't take orders from nobody! So you can go straight to hell
- but before you go, kiss my ass first! As far as you, Booker T, I look at
you when you carry that belt and it makes me laugh, 'cause at Halloween
Havoc, I handed your ass on a silver platter, and I punked your ass, and it
won't be no different at Mayhem. There won't be no drama, there won't be
no mystery - I'm gonna kick your ass! As far as 'save the drama for your
momma,' the only drama is she don't know who your daddy is!" He requests a
seat at the commentary table as we take our last ad break. Scott Steiner:
man of science and letters
When we come back, we take one more look at the motley crew assembled
behind the commentary table. Kim says: "Midajah looks like a Bernard
Buffet painting." Is it any wonder why I love this girl?
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: KOACH KEVIN NASH v. BOOKA T. - Holy cow, did
Billy Silverman have a hair colouring "incident?" Steiner says T ain't got
no diggity, then gets muted talking about the...hair up his ass? Who
knows? What does that even mean? Nash brushes his hair to one side to
start. Lockup, no. Nash brushes back his hair. Steiner identifies the
"We want Hall" chant as "We want Pump." Lockup, side headlock, chain
wrestling to the...side headlock on the other side. Okay. Powered out,
into the ropes, shoulderblock by Nash. Brushes back his hair! Kim says
she wants to contribute with the pants hoists by Nash - there's one. Let's
try again - knee by Nash, elbow, NBA on TNT , right hand, brush back hair,
right hand and T goes outside. Nash follows after brushing back his hair -
head to the buckle. T is muted - that must have REALLY hurt! Head to the
commentary table. Right hand by Nash. Nash whips back his hair. Elbow to
the back of the neck. Nash grabs a chair...but T kicks back, right hand,
got the chair as Nash brushes back his hair - across the back! Back in the
ring as Nash flips back his hair - T with a top-rope clothesline...but only
gets 2. Into the ropes is reversed, Nash whips back his hair, then hits a
big boot. Nash slumps into the corner 'cause DAMN that's a lotta work to
pick up your boot. Pants hoist! Sidewalk slam and hair whip gets 2. Nash
whips back his hair, then goes to the stretch, pulling back T's arms and
whipping back his hair...T back to his feet...but Nash knees him. Brush
back the hair! Punch is ducked, forearm by T off the ropes, another one,
spinning heel kick, Nash pushes back his hair, 1, 2, Nash has a shoulder
up. Into the ropes, holding on to reverse, but T puts a knee in the gut.
Off the ropes, axe kick, breakdancing up, Harlem sidekick...but Nash ducks
and Silverman takes the brunt. Oh boy. Nash hoists up his pants and runs
at T but gets caught in the Book End attempt...but before he can do it,
PERFECTSHAWN SHAWN STASIAK is out with a knux right to Booker T. Huh? He
tells Nash (flipping his hair back up - now hoisting his pants up) to
finish it up - and here come the straps! AND a brush back of the hair!
But before he can deliver the truckstop powerbomb...wait for it...he
brushes his hair back! No, I meant to have you wait for Stasiak pasting
NASH with a knux right, and putting T on top. He rousts Silverman, who
manages a slow 3. WHAT A SWERVE! GOOD NIGHT! (5:00) Stasiak stands over
Nash and chops his crotch, then flicks some ab sweat onto Nash. Tony: "I
can't believe what I have seen!" Steiner decides to leave....check that,
he decides to punk out T in the aisle. And we're out of time!
You're watching BULL!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net