by Christopher Robin Zimmerman
WrestleLine/WrestleManiacs
EVERYTHING: was
moved to the top of the RAW recap since nobody reads the
Nitro report anymore. It's true! I have numbers that PROVES it!
This, of course, raises an interesting philosophical discussion. Did
people stop reading because people stopped caring about WCW, or did they
stop reading because *I* stopped caring about WCW?
Yeah, you don't have to tell me that's rather unfair - after all, the
first hour of last week's show positively smoked! (Well, I'm probably
romaniticising it, a bit given a week of space and a few hours extra at
work, contributing to a spectacular case of sleep dep) The REAL question
is: will TONIGHT'S show be more like last week's FIRST hour....or the
SECOND?
We open the show with the TV-14-DL ratings box and shots of the
University of Nebraska - if you've ever spent any time in SoCal, you've
probably seen that old standby that shows up every year - the members of
the Cornhuskers think the "N" on their helmet stands for Knowledge.
Inside the stadium, a peppy lad clad in foam finger, red jumpsuit and corn
head says "Nebraska welcomes World Championship Wrestling - welcome to
Cornhusker country. Go Big Red! Go Big Red!" Jeff Jarrett Kabongs him.
"Choke on that....ya cornhuskin' slapnut!"
Close captioned logo - WCW logo - well, more like the first hour so far...
Clips of Thunder, Mayhem, Nitro, all at once
We see the Thrillers - and,when they see us, they start WALKING! Sanders
asks (oh God) Oklahoma if it's cool...he asks if the security is in place.
Sanders promises the Thrillers got his back.
Two minutes in, so why not take an ad break?
(Five minutes after) Opening Credits
HIT THE PYRO - WE ARE TAPE DELAYED from the Pershing Auditorium in Lincoln,
NE on TNT 4.12.2K and the fireworks keep on coming...tonight, Jeff Jarrett
takes on Konnan and the World title is on the line as Scott Steiner defends
against General Rection!
As OKLAHOMA hits the ring with a punchbowl in hand, Tony shills a
"Slapnuts" T-shirt on wcwgear.com.
I GET LETTERS: The infamous Dartmouth Dan Doomsday - or is it Elliot
Ohlshansky? - writes: Chris,
Thought you might be interested to know that the song that Oklahoma
enters to on tonight's Nitro is the Yale Boola, a traditional song at (you
guessed it) Yale. And as you know, Yale is in the great state of Connecticut,
home of a certain wrestling promotion that employs a certain prominent fan of
the Oklahoma University Sooners. By the way, if you mention this in your recap,
could you mention how much cooler Dartmouth is than Yale??
By the way, I think using Oklahoma here to build football-related heat
was an excellent idea....it certainly got them to pop for the Ruler of the
Squirrels...
"My name is Oklahoma....perhaps you didn't hear me, I said my name is
Oklahoma." The camera finds some Nebraska clad fans who are booing. Our
commentators all apparently decided that talking about college football
would garner better ratings than wrestling.... Hudson: "It's only a two
hour show, Oklahoma, for Pete's sake!" Tony: "Yeah, and I think he's only
got six minutes for this segment!" "Go Big Red!" Is he gonna continue or
what? "I send you warm greetings, and a heartfelt howdy from my boys, the
NUMBER ONE TEAM in the N-C-double-A. I just brought this out here - I
just want everyone to take a good long look at this, I want everyone to
see this...everybody in this arena, even the people up in the cheap
seats...and I want you to remember this for the rest of your live, because
this is the closest anyone in Nebraska is gonna get to seein' a *bowl*
this season! The truth hurts...but it's the by-God truth, now I came out
here on official business tonight - Commissioner Mike Sanders has given me
the authority to make an official statement with regards to one member of
the WCW roster, and that's what I'm gonna do...and that one member of the
roster that I am speaking about is that swolt up, jakked up box o' rocks
Sid Vicious! Now, there's security every inch of this building, we have
security in the back, and they are ready to pounce, so it is with every
ounce of confidence I have that I make this statement from Mike
Sanders..." Mute of the "Asshole" chant doesn't really work. "We can do
this all night, ladies and gentlemen. The announcement is this...that
Mike Sanders, the commissioner of WCW, has decreed that if Sid Vicious
steps ONE INCH out of line, Security, the police, the national by-God
guard if they have to will be all over him like white on rice. So, in
conclusion, I leave you with this one thought, Cornhuskers...and I leave
this thought to Sid Vicious and it's this: read my lips, Sid Vic----"
But the lights go out and the music hits. "Sid...you stay there -
security's comin' out! Security's comin' out here, Sid - Security -
security - Sid, they're comin'. Sid, security is comin', they're comin'
Sid, you don't wanna get in here. Sid, you're gonna get such heat if you
come out here. Sid...I command you to stop - I command you to stop, Sid!
Nononono, security, security...Sid, you don't wanna do this. Scott
Steiner's over there!" Sid looks and Oklahoma turns to leave - Sid grabs
him...chokeslam! Crowd treats Sid like royaltly. One more? "Whoa whoa
whoa, hold it right there, big man, hold it right there." MIKE SANDERS
leads the COPS to the ring. "Don't even think about it...son, you're
about the get yourself made an example of tonight. You just stepped over
the line. That's right - that's right, your ass is goin' to JAIL!" The
cops reluctantly attempt to tell Sid that he's got no choice...Sid decides
to give in, and offers his hands for the cuffs. "That's it...cuff him and
stuff him. You laid your hands on a guest - you laid your hands on my
guest here in WCW tonight - Ric Flair is layin' down law and order, and
that is just unacceptable, so you know where you're going...Sid, it looks
like you're SOL - you know what that means - quaaaak quak quak." The cops
lead Sid off...we follow them backstage, out the doors. Crowd chant "You
Suck." Sanders: "What did you say?" Vicious is loaded into a police
SUV...and off they go.
Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next," America
(ha!) Online 6.0, Slim Jim (Savage), Geico, Geico and America (huh?)
Online 6.0
When we come back, Scott Steiner and Midajah have arrived! Sanders wants
to tell him what he's done, but Steiner's got no time for his stories.
"You get Sid for me tonight!" Sanders: "Sid, tonight's gonna be a problem.
Mr. Law and Order, Mr. CEO, Mr. Flair - he had Sid arrested not more than
five minutes ago - handcuffs..." Steiner swings his pipe in anger. "You
tell Flair - you tell everybody, *nobody's* safe...especially Flair!"
PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands with the Filthy Animals. Konnan challenges the
country cranberries to a Filthy Animals Street Fight at Starrcade, so orale
arriba la raza Starrcade. I think he actually said that!
Let Us Take You Back to Thunder, where Torrie Wilson suffered a money
saving injury...and Lt. Loco's mood was about to change...
CHAVO GUERRERO, JR. (with Backstage Assault for PlayStation) v. KWEE-WEE
(and Paisley) - He's back! Old name, old music...new attitude.
Unfortunately, Allan Funk is still in his NEW persona...but using his old
one as a split-personality, apparently, as the commentators surmise that
Kwee-wee will have to "summon" Angry Allan in order to meet with success
tonight. Chavo punks him out in mid-ropes-part-kiss and we're off and
away. Head to the buckle. Right, Kwee-wee right, Chavo right, Kwee-wee
right, Chavo right, right, elbow, chop, chop, Kwee-wee reverses, but Chavo
goes to the gut, snapmare, kick to the back. Head to the buckle once
again. Choke on the top rope. Starrcade is 13 days away. Springboard hot
shot. Chop. Into the corner, back elbow up by Kwee-wee - Thesz press,
piston-like rights. Why did referee "Born To Do It" Scott James dye his
hair? Chavo to the gut, right, Kwee-wee right, right, whip is blocked,
face rake, into the ropes by Guerrero, lariat, kick in the corner, kick,
standing on the neck. Gutshot, into the ropes, head down, knee by
Kwee-wee. Kwee-wee knee? Yeah. Dropkick. Into the corner, tilt-a-whirl
as he comes out, 2 count. Into the ropes, Chavo floats over into a DDT.
Chavo outside and motioning to Paisley - he's got a chair! But he's just
going back into the ring instead...but Paisley steals away the chair before
he can use it. Chavo turns to her to argue, so she slaps him - this stuns
him enough to allow Kwee-wee to hit a springboard sunset flip - 1, 2,
kickout! Clothesline ducked, Chavo hits a dropkick. Into the ropes,
reversed, gutshot by Guerrero, dumped over the top to the floor. Guerrero
out - whip into the safety rail. Knife-edge chop. Back in the
ring...scoop is blocked. Kwee-wee DOES land a bodyslam. Running at Chavo,
but he's dumped overhead onto the top turnbuckle. Gutshot, brainbuster (!)
gets the 3. (3:58) Looks like Guerrero just got a new finisher...
Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next," "Toy Story
2" on VHS & DVD, America (THREE!) Online 6.0, Mag-Lite flashlights, and
Slim Jim (they found another straitjacket for Savage in ten minutes?)
When we come back, Flair and Sanders have a chat backstage. "Give it to me
one more time." "Okay, his exact words were something to the effect of 'if
Sid's not back by the end of the night, nobody's safe.' He had a very
special reference to YOUR name." "Is that right. Do you feel the need to
look up there for help when you talk to me? Hey, this is your fault that
Steiner's running around here crazy. Why'd you have Sid thrown in jail?
That's beside the point, you don't have that kind of power. Here's the way
it goes - Steiner doesn't have the nerve to jump on the CEO, at least I
don't think he does. Enough people have been hurt. I'm gonna make sure of
two things - number one, you bring security, number two I get back in that
phone and get Sid out of jail in time, before the show's over, but just in
case he's not, I'm beefin' up big security like I said before, you get 'em
all and bring 'em to me right now." "I'm on it - I'm definitely on it."
He mouths "Yeah, right" to the camera on his way out. "Thanks,
commissioner...thanks."
Meanwhile, Bryan Clark is on the phone. "Hey, wait a minute, wait a
minute. Are you sure that's the guy you want us to take out? Okay. If
you got the money, we got no problems. We're all about discretion. All
right, it's a done deal." DOES ANYONE ELSE SMELL IRONY - anyway, he turns
to Adams. "You're not gonna believe who hired us for this job." "Who?"
"Come on, I'll tell you all about it...it's gonna take some time." "Tell
me..who?"
GENE O. works tonight! He stands with the three remaining Misfits.
Rection says that what happened to Torrie Wilson was an accident,
and everybody needs to know that's not what the MIA's are about. As far as
Chavo Guerrero goes, he's taking his attitude in a different direction, and
that's his problem right now. Tonight, he's earned the shot of a lifetime
- a shot at Steiner. This might be his only shot - with all the other
problems, Steiner needs to make sure that he doesn't overlook him
tonight...'cause he just MIGHT upset him and become WCW World Heavyweight
champion. (Umm....)
WCW WORLD HARDCORE TITLE: ELIX SKIPPER (with Team Canada & wcwgear.com
Lance Storm T-shirt ad) v. CROWBAR (with Daffney Unger) - Storm: "If I can
be serious for a minute...tonight, Prime Time does Team Canada proud.
'cause tonight, he captures the hardcore title and once again renames it
the Saskatchewan Hardcore International Title! And in honour of us great
Canadian athletes, I want these American hardcore implements removed from
ringside! As they're doing that, show us your respect and rise for the
playing of the Canadian national anthem!" Tony doesn't even wait for it to
start before talking over it. Anthem lasts all of (0:05) before the music
of ...THE CAT (with Mz. Jonez)? What's he doing out here? Storm takes
fourth headset. Cat is over to glare at the commentators...*he* wants a
headset...but he settles for a mic. "Now, wait a minute - Lance Storm, you
know I wanna beat yo ass all over this place - hey, you might wanna sit
your Power Ranger lookin' ass down because I did not come out here to
fight...I came out here to enjoy this match, okay? And that goes for you,
too, my big friend." Cat takes a seat...and a headset is offered him.
Well FINALLY the champion is out - Daffney has RATINGS on her cleavage and
an arrow pointing to it underneath. Also, she carries....a magic wand.
Crowbar decides to go under the ring and find some stashed stuff - a lot of
car parts - also, he's got the golden wrench in his belt. But perhaps he
should have kept an eye on Skipper - dropkick puts him on the floor.
Skipper follows out, elbow, elbow, into the ring, NBA on TNT Wednesdays and
Thursdays - Crowbar with a...bumper. In the corner, chop, chop, into the
opposite corner, reversed, Crowbar dumps Skipper - backflip misses - but
Skipper has the bumper - whack! Whack! Clothesline to the back of the
neck. Spare dance legdrop - 1, 2, no. Crobwar rolls outside...and takes
2x4 shots from Duggan. Gunns with a slap as well. Of course, that brings
Daffney over for the catfight spot. After Billy Silverman gets them
separated, we take a break from this "action" to see Cat snap on The Mark -
Storm is over to punk out *Cat*, and then he drags him to ringside, where
Duggan is at the ready with the wood - but Cat steps aside and Storm takes
the blow! Cat puts Duggan into the safety rail head first - if Heenan were
there, he'd say "you'd think that wouldn't hurt him!" but he's not because
WCW hates me. Cat throws some water on the commentators before leaving.
Mind Bender on the grill - 1, 2, 3. They never cut minutes from the
interviews when they can cut them from matches! The result: KUH-luster.
(2:19)
The following is a paid announcement from Jimmy Hart - oh no it's not -
lemme tell ya, even the people putting these things TOGETHER aren't even
paying attention...otherwise they'd notice that their graphics say "IS A
PAID PAID ANNOUNCEMENT" - the only sad thing about the WWF not buying WCW
is we can't see Lawler punk out Hart yet again
Backstage, David Flair asks Stacey why she came back. "I didn't wanna lose
you COMPLETELY, I just didn't wanna get married yet." She wants one favour
- don't ask who the father is. "I'll tell you...just, just not yet." Ric
Flair pops in to ask what they're doing around - then tells them he doesn't
want them here without security with Steiner on the loose. He leaves two
with them, and takes the rest...in THAT direction...
Meanwhile, Reno and Marie create some exposition for us - apparently, the
family turned their back on Reno when he went into the joint. "Who needs
Reno when you've got Vito around?" But all Marie wants...is her brother
back.
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week, and the continuing saga of Lex Luger and
Bill Goldberg...
THE NARCISSIST comes to the ring carrying a copy of "I'm Next" - let's
check the Goldberg/Luger graphic for Starrcade. I *hope* he reads from
that book tonight! Lukewarm "Cold beer" chant. "Thank you, thank you very
much! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for that very warm
reception, it means a lot - from the bottom of my heart, I feel the very
same way about each and every one of you. Thank you!" Wave. "You know,
this is a special request, this interview tonight, there's only thirteen
days left for big Bill Goldberg's career in WCW 'til Starrcade - the sands
of time are slipping away. Unless, of course, between now and then Bill
can win 150 matches - not even the glorious, magnaminous Bill Goldberg can
do that! Now I don't mean to talk behind Bill's back as I like to look him
in the eye face to face, but unfortunately, he's a little bit late to the
building, but rest assured, your big hero Bill is on his way and he will be
here tonight. Yep - Bill's a great guy, isn't he? But I wanna talk about
the man and the men that made in the building up of the tremendous
character, the tremendous development of the athlete, the superhuman, the
monster Bill Goldberg. A man that many of you might know, but he was a
behind the scenes guy who played an integral part in making Bill the
SUPERSTAR - just ask Bill in his book - the superstar Bill is today. His
name is Duane Bruce, aka affectionately known as Sarge in the Power Plant.
Sarge, I hear Bill probably got you tickets here tonight, would you please
stand up for the audience, please? Sarge, please stand up? Please?" We
look at SERGEANT BUDDY LEE PARKER in the front row, who rises. "Thank you.
Sarge - let's have a big round of applause for Sarge! The man behind Bill
Goldberg. You're a credit to the industry, you really are, but no one can
describe Sarge better than Bill himself in his riveting, spellbinding book.
How 'bout a couple passages? Penzer, I need your hand for a second here
and hold the mic for me, please. Page 29, oh, you don't wanna miss this
please. This is a reference to Sarge. 'The head trainer there was a guy
by the name of Duane Bruce (our very special guest tonight) aka Sarge, and
he was a stern, authoritive, overbearing, short little son of a bitch who
packed a lot of punch. He was reminiscient (big word for Bill) of an Army
drill sergeant, and he put guys through hell.' Let's go to the next part
about the great Sarge here - Bill's such a great guy - 'Sarge doesn't get a
lot of credit (thank you, Bill) but he deserves it. I wouldn't be where I
am today without Duane Bruce, and I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't
for Sarge. He's a guy that has been there for me since day one, teaching
me not only about the wrestling part of the business, but about the
backstage part as well.' One more excerpt: 'Sarge is a guy I'll go out of
my way for anytime, because he's a great family man with a great work ethic
and he wants nothing more to succeed in the business and contribute. I
recall a number of times when Sarge, in more ways that one, was treated
unfairly. He has three kids, he works his ass off, and he's done for a
number of years. He's a very important person to the company.'
Gut-wrenching, heartwarming tribute from Bill Goldberg to the man who made
the monster, a special guest of honour here tonight, let's hear it one more
time for Sarge of the Power Plant, y'all have a great time tonight! Enjoy
the show, thank you!" WHAT A PAYOFF! Oh, wait, Luger asks that the music
be cut...maybe there's EVEN MORE to this segment. "I forgot one thing,
though - knowing the kind of guy Bill is...how FAIR Bill wants to treat
everyone, it's funny how Sarge here works 15 hours a day in a smelly,
rancid, putrid Power Plant with big sweaty guys learning how to wrestle,
makin' minimum wage - meanwhile, he's trying to support his family in a
three room SHACK, tin shack, a trailer (which I'm sure you're all familiar
with) in a trailer park, while Bill enjoys his Mercedes, Bill enjoys his
big houses, Bill enjoys his wonderful career...I'm sure Bill is such a
great guy, Sarge, 'cause you know what...if you did for Bill, for ME what
you did for him, you'd be here, right by my side sharing my glory as one of
the greatest wrestlers in the history of this sport. Because that's the
kinda guy *I* am - not Bill Goldberg - if I wear a Rolex, *you'd* be
wearing a Rolex - you wouldn't be explaining to your wife and children why
you live in a little tiny house and drive a dilapidated, beat-up car - no
sir, 'cause you'd be sittin' right next to me in my Mercedes or my Porsche.
So Sarge, enjoy your great ringside seats from...I'm pretty sure Goldberg
got those for you, didn't he? And in closing... ...the truth hurts, so you
can shut up and know the truth about Bill Goldberg. Because I would never
treat a friend of mine the way like he's treated the guys who made the
monster, Bill Goldberg. Thank you very much!"
Backstage, Luger has taken SO long to talk that Goldberg has arrived - AND
HE'S WALKING!
When we come back, we're backstage again, where one of the Nitro Girls asks
Norman Smiley who he's got tonight. "Bill Goldberg - he's undefeated, I
just don't think if I can beat him..." Scott Steiner shows up. "Who ya
got?" "Goldberg." "Goldberg?" He takes him out with the pipe. "Not
anymore..."
Paulshock stands with the Franchise. "Hugh Morrus...you can deny it all
you want. You can claim you didn't know it was Torrie Wilson on your back.
What am I, some kind of a damn imbecile? Let me tell you something, Hugh
Morrus, thanks to that so-called accident, I'm gonna make you suffer just
like that sweet, innocent Torrie Wilson. I'm gonna lay your ass up in a
hospital right next to her. You think you're in the fight of your life
tonight against Steiner? Ho ho, I'm gonna show you what it's like to fight
for your life, my friend, because each and every night until Starrcade, I
will make you suffer - I'm gonna MAKE you fight for your life. I'll MAKE
you look over your shoulder. You took something very near and dear to my
heart, and so the gold and black attack at Starrcade will do the same to
you. Kiss your US title GOODBYE."
Meanwhile, Rection tells A-Wall there's a lotta stuff they need to take
care of....off in the distance, Chavo is talking to...Corporal Cajun. "Hey
Lash, we got stuff we gotta do tonight...with or without him. Hey, Lash, I
said now!" Lash goes to catch up with them, but Chavo pulls him back for
one more word. "Hey Lash, NOW!"
I take it we're losing all the military names? Is that a grudging
acceptance of the fact that it was a dumb idea? (No, no, see, it WORKED.
Now that they're OVER, we can go back to their original names.) (That
doesn't even make SENSE.) (Umm, let me try it again...)
Thunder ad
Slapnuts T-shirt ad #2 - yikes
Ric Flair and the TV-14-DL ratings box are at the go position - Flair tells
Arn Anderson and Fit Finlay that he doesn't want any shenanigans after the
match - when they walk by after their match, they're sent home. He doesn't
want Steiner taking anybody else out. Where was Flair for Smiley?
WCW WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: 3 COUNT (with Triple Ladder Match graphic) v.
DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE and KEVIN NASH - At Starrcade, it's another triple
ladder match - 3 Count vs. Jung Dragons (with Leia Meow) vs. Knoble and
Karagias - the Kings of Pop say such in their nondescript promo.
Page's music starts - then stops, and some new music plays. YIKES
what a hatchet job. There's gotta be a BETTER way to do that. Anyway, why
bother with Page's new music because we still gotta play "Theme from
Wolfpac" and give these guys two entrances in one. I wonder what's on the
other channel. So does thta guy in the crowd with the "RAW JUST STARTED"
sign. Nash wants a test of strength...but Moore's a little short. Nash
with a knee to the distracted Moore - elbow to the back. In the corner,
knee, knee, right hand, standing on the neck. Nash's offense ... is ...
deliberate. "We want Hall!" chants the crowd. Too bad Hall's a CRIMINAL,
huh? Ten foot high hip toss. Tag to page. We look backstage where
Sanders and the Perfect Event are watching. Sanders is ready to set it off
- FEEL THE EXCITEMENT AND SNAP INTO IT - back to the ring where Helms has
been tagged in - into the corner, Page with the elbow, right, right, chop,
into the opposite corner, boot up by Helms, but Page ducks the clothesline
and floors him with one of his own. BANG! Into the ropes, dueling
hiptosses, knee by Helms, flippy flippy, Page's clothesline is ducked, knee
in the gut off the ropes, got him on the shoulder, three rotations, half
tombstone/half pancake - 1, 2, Moore with a springboard legdrop to make the
save. Tag to Helms. Pulls him back to his corner, tag, doubleteam
stomping. Tag to Moore. Double suplex. "DDP" chant. Helms hiptosses
Moore onto page - 1, 2, kickout. Into the ropes, reversed, back elbow by
Page and they're both down. Kicking away Moore, tag to Nash, right for
you, right for you, big boot for you, big boot for oyu, scoop...and snake
eyes for Helms. Moore in position as the straps go down...Helms going to
the top turnbuckle to stop him, but Page crotches HIM. Moore gets the
truckstop powerbomb - Helms gets a Diamond Cutter. Nash puts Helms on top
of Moore and covers them both. 1, 2, 3. (4:34) I hope they squash EVERY
up and coming team! The Wolfpac theme is cut short by "Theme from NBT's"
as MIKE SANDERS & PERFECT EVENT come out. "That performance was absolutely
brilliant. You guys are still the world tag team champions - y'know, last
week when you said that you two guys were the Vegas Connection, and you
said when you were the Vegas Connection that you really sucked, you guys
didn't mention anything about your wrestling ability. But that's okay,
'cause I'm out here on official business tonight. I'm out here to break
both your arms, but before I do, let me call out another executive of the
company... Could I please have Mr. CEO Ric Flair?" And THE MAN *does*
arrive. "You've got a lot going on in this program, what could you
possibly want of me? The world champions are standing there, they're
lookin' good tonight, brother, and you better get used to it." "Now Ric, I
know you're the law, I know you're all about doing the right thing - hell,
I wanna do the right thing myself, so let me get started with a little
somethin' that happened back at Mayhem - let me get started with something
that you folks did not see. If you could, please." On the Turnertron
"You did not - okay. Kevin Nash made the tag there. Do we agree on this?
Do we agree? Okay. Now, let me show you something else that you did not
see - Chuck Palumbo was tagged in - Kevin Nash beat Shawn Stasiak.
Therefore, Kevin Nash, you were legal! Shawn Stasiak was not legal - Ric,
right or wrong?" Flair ponders. "This is something you and I should have
talked about backstage, I knew about this - we already talked about it - we
were gonna talk about it later on. Kevin, you and Dallas are puttin' me in
a tough spot, it kills me to do this. You guys do me a favour right now.
For the integrity of WCW, for the integrity of those championship belts,
you let Sanders have the belts tonight, and I'll give you guys somethin'
back real special on the backside." Ooh, sexual reference - oh sorry,
probably not. "Come on! Give 'em up, guys!" Page: "We finally got these
belts to mean somethin' - you want us to give 'em back to this monkey
here?" "I know you guys are a great team - the fact remains the wrong man
got beat. Please, Dallas, do me and WCW a favour. Hey..." They drop them
in the centre and dare Sanders to go up and get them. "Sanders...if you
want the belts, walk over there and get 'em." "What did you say? Ric,
come on now, you've seen the footage, you see 'em, they're acting...nuh uh.
Wrong." "I tell you what I see - I see that I need to give everybody in
this building what they need to hear, and in the wrestling world right now.
Sanders, you can have those belts tonight, but at Starrcade, these monkeys
right here - the Perfect Event - have gotta wrestle the Insiders one more
time." "Sanders - I'm gon' leave it up to you, buddy - I got work back
here - the rest of it's yours." Is he gonna go in there and get the belts
or not? Nash even kicks them towards Sanders...Sanders quickly grabs the
belts and hands them over to Palumbo & Stasiak. Page: "Hey jagoffs, all
this means is... go home, brush 'em up, and get 'em nice and shiny for the
Insiders right here. Because at Starrcade, you're gonna be SOL and that
mean's your gonna FEEL THE" Please, DON'T just stick an opening from one
song onto a new song. IT DOESN'T WORK
See WCW live - while you still can! Sunday tickets go on sale for
LaCrosse! Sunday, see WCW Sunday in Monroe (they're running against
ARMAGEDDON?), Bossier City for Nitro, and Starrcade hits Washington next
Sunday!
Starrcade ad - you cannot imagine
Outside in the parking lot, Mike Awesome remarks on the temperature...as he
walks by an ambulance, Bigelow pops out and puts the door into his back.
Into a nearby car - "I'll see you at Starrcade, punk!"
RENO v. KRONI>| - WHO HAS PAID KRONIK? WHO? WHO I ASK YOU? Well, let's
see - sqaushing young talent....I say it's GOTTA be Nash. Referee "Blind"
Jamie Tucker decides this wasn't supposed to be a handicap match and rings
the bell again. (DQ 0:27) Backstage, Marie shows concern. I have a
feeling she's soon to run out to try to stop the carnage. A SECOND High
Times. BIG VITO makes the save? And now MARIE bounces out to check on
Reno. Vito...makes a wave on his way out of the ring.
Buff Bagwell STILL carries the power of Lee M. Cardholder's card - man,
that guy's gonna be PISSED when he finally gets around to reporting it
stolen!
Close captioning where available sponsored by Wizards of the Coast's WCW
Nitro trading card game!
"Our World is About to Change...Again..." It would just KILL the
commentators to SHUT UP and let this thing go without comment, wouldn't it?
I think...yes, *I* am singlehandedly going to get Glacier over. SOMEBODY'S
gotta do it!
Backstage, Crowbar catches up with Daffney - it's so great having her out
there tonight, it's just like old times, what a great team they make.
Daffney asks it he needs a ride. "I sort of..." and Baby and Chiquita
appear on each arm. "I'll see ya next week." And off they go. A tech
tries to get into the case she's sitting on...she hisses at him and he
decides..maybe later. Awww....poor Daff's depressed. MAYBE YOU SHOULD
HAVE REALISED YOU LOVED HIM BACK WHEN YOU WERE FLAUNTING OZZIE IN FRONT OF
HIM YOU...YOU STRUMPET
Whoa. I'm sorry, there. Must have been a flashback
Meanwhile, Flair addresses security - he won't be able to bail out Sid in
time, and everyone's in danger. Spread out and cover the building. If
something happens with Steiner, get on the radio and SWARM SWARM SWARM
At Starrcade, it's now No Holds Barred and No Disqualification - Goldberg
vs. "The Total Package" Lex Luger.
Goldberg appeared on the Maury(tm) Show a while back and made a young
child's dream come true
M.I. SMOOTH v. COLD "26-0" BEER (entrance 0:59) - the NBA's on TNT
Wednesdays and Thursdays, you know. We're in a HURRY here! (jackhammer ->
pin 0:51) Sarge...approves. Post-match, it's all hugs between Goldberg
and the Sarge - how rugged and manly!
WCW Magazine ad
When we come back, Steiner is completing his "I heard on the 'Net
that he has to do" six hours of warmups. "Flair better produce Sid...or
Flair, I'm comin' after your ass."
At Starrcade, it's a Filthy Animal Street Fight - Jeff Jarrett & the Harris
Brothers against the Filthy Animals! The Smark asked me "Jarrett's a
five-time WCW champ...not bad for a midcarder, huh?" Umm....I didn't have
an answer for THAT one.
JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET v. KONNAN (with Kidman & Raymond Stereo &
Tygryss & Let Us Take You Back One Week) - "Listen up, you Nebraska
slapasses - the Chosen One has something to say! Now Konnan, correct me if
I'm wrong, but did I hear you say that Heavy D and Big Ron, the Harris
Brothers, MY backup are a buncha hillbillies? Hell, I'll take them ANY day
over your jacked up termite friends you call Filthy Animals. Konnan, you
forgot one thing - *I* am the Chosen One. *I* am the superstar with all
the damn Stroke around here! So I'm gonna make this real plain and simple
- even you and your Filthy Animals can understand. You want me and the
Harris Boyz in a Filthy Animals Street fight at Starrcade? No problemo,
boys. But K-Dogg, Baldy, I want you to think on this - it's a hell of a
long time between now and Starrcade, and I got a crapload of guitars
waitin' on each and every one of ya. So I don't know when and I don't know
where but I can promise you that we're gonna beat your three asses like a
buncha pinatas, so choke on that." Last Week, it wasn't exactly one on
one, and I have a feeling that Jarrett taking the mic AGAIN might have
something to do with that. "Hey hey ref, it's already been cleared - you
know damn good and well. It ain't gonna happen, what took place last week,
so send the jacked up termites to the back, and take your skank with ya!"
The Animals huddle up...then break. Konnan spends a bit too long on
goodbyes, allowing Jarrett to forearm him from behind. Stomp, stomp,
stomp. Into the ropes, reversed, up and over, Mysterio sneaks in a trip -
oh, but he's on his way out. SURE. Gutshot, gutshot, into the ropes,
reversal, leapfrog by Jarrett, gutshot by Konnan, DDT attempt is countered,
hammerlock by Jarrett, Konnan counters into the arm wringer, chop, chop,
into the ropes, leapfrog by Konnan, back kick, spin around, face to the
mat. Jarrett takes a powder while Konnan shakes his shorts because his
balls are SO big. Jarrett pulls him out by the ankles - Konnan into the
safety rail. Into another safety rail. Jarrett with the chair - WHACK - I
guess this is a "no DQ" match? Konnan put back in the ring, stomp, stomp,
Jarrett poses on the second rope. Field goal kick. Head to the buckle -
sort of. Into the opposite corner, Konnan up and over, back somersault,
gutshot, DDT, off the ropes with a seated dropkick, into the ropes, Jarrett
ducks, Konnan ducks, neither man ducks. Jarrett pops up...then crumples,
clutching his knee. He goes outside and calls Silverman over - and as they
confer on the STEEL steps, the HARRYS BROTHYRYZ hit the ring and H bomb
Konnan. Jarrett makes a miraculous recovery and comes back in the ring,
pointing to his head because he's a GENIUS...meanwhile, the ANIMALS are
back out to beat up the Harrisses....but they can't get to the ring, where
Jarrett hits the Stroke and...gets the fall. (2:45)
Starrcade ad #2 (I think)
WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: MESH HEAD MUSH MOUTH (with Mesh Midajah) v.
GENERAL RECTION - Champ enters first because....man, I can't come up with
ANY kind of good reason! Maybe because he's got something to say? "Ric
Flair...the CEO...lemme point out something to you that's real clear.
You're runnin' out of wrestlers. You don't see no Booker T - you don't see
Sting...all 'cause o' me, I put their ass in a hospital! And now you went
out and you hired Sid Vicious to come after me - not a chance. See I'm
turning the cha-- the tables on you, and you got 'til the end of this match
to produce Sid Vicious, right here tonight in this ring...if he's not here,
I'm comin' after YOU, Mr. CEO. And just to show you what kind of
amood I'm in, you watch and see what I do to the US Champ."
Backstage, Flair is watching a monitor...and talking to himself (or us?)
"Here's what's goin' on. I'll be watching this real close, I got Security
set up...I know what's goin' on..." and he gets up and leaves. Here comes
Rection. Steiner drops the forearm as he goes through the ropes, and here
we go - pound, head to the turnbuckle, kick, kick, right, right, right,
ripping off the shirt, chop, into the ropes, they collide in the centre but
NEITHER man moves! Steiner tells him to try it again - Rection off the
ropes...ducks a clothesline, shoulderblock DOES take him down, another
shoulderblock, shoulderblock, off the ropes - big clothesline! Right, into
the opposite corner, reverse, Rection goes up and over to the apron, right
hand for Steiner...top rope clothesline, NBA on TNT Wednesdays and
Thursdays, Steiner rolls outside to recover! Back up on the apron and
through the ropes. Lockup, knee by Steiner, forearm, scoop, no, Rection
back to his feet, knee by Rection, in the sidewalk slam position - no, just
a front slam. Midajah is on the top turnbuckle...jumping on his
back...Morrus foregoes the counter of backing into the corner, with Torrie
on his mind - open kick by Steiner to the groin. Right hand. Into the
ropes, Steinerline, kissed bicep elbowdrop...no cover since he'd rather do
pushups. Kick to the head. Kick. Into the corner, kick, kick, right,
right, right, right, standing on the neck, threatening motions for referee
"Blind" Charles Robinson. Starrcade is 13 days away graphic. Chop, chop.
Belly-to-belly suplex. 1, 2, shoulder up! Steiner argues the cadence and
actually slaps Robinson one. Winding up with the kick. Standing on the
bottom rope choke for 4. Scoops him up...backbreaker across the knee.
Who's the man? Double bicep. Field goal kick following the posedown.
Here's another pose in the corner. Are they gonna do this for another ten
minutes? Picks him up...back rammed into the corner - looks like he's
gonna tie him to the Tree o' Woe. Going outside to pull on the neck. Hey,
how about another big choke? That must hurt, he got muted! Steiner back
in the ring and mouthing off to fans. Kneelift. Standing on the neck once
again. In the corner, kick, kick, kick, right, right, right, right, right,
right, right, pose. "It's over!" Double underhook...but he takes too long
mouthing off to the fans and Rection counters with a backdrop! I think the
adrenaline is FINALLY starting to kick in for the US Champ...block, right,
right, right, right, off the ropes with the clothesline! Steiner outside -
Rection with a PESCADO!! Midajah over - Rection blocks the kick...but
Steiner forearms him in the back off the distraction. Back to the
ring...head to the buckle by Steiner, kick, into the ropes is reversed, big
powerslam by Rection! 1, 2, no! GERMAN release suplex by Rection! He's
going up top...NO - LAUGHING - MATTER! 1...2...NO!! Robinson looks as
shocked as Rection that Steiner got the shoulder up. What does Rection
have left? He's going to go up to the second rope for a Vaderbomb...but
Steiner gets the knees up. Rection runs at Steiner...but he moves out of
the corner, leaving a hard turnbuckle to take the blow. BLOCKBUSTER
SUPLEX! Forearm to the back, got the legs - that's it. Steiner Recliner
is applied. Rection *immediately* gives it up - he'd like to live to fight
again. (8:42) "Cut the music! Ric Flair...your time is up - Ric
Flair...your ass is mine." And out he goes...up the aisle...RUNNING
backstage...but we look back to ringside, where FRANCHISE has materialised
out of thin air and puts Rection into the safety rail - chain wrapped
around the right hand...
To the go position, where Arn....I think he told David and Stacey to
hotfoot it, but the camera just about missed it. Steiner delivers a knee
to Arn Anderson, and a forearm. "You're Flair's friend, ain'tcha?" Head
to the monitor. "You're not Flair's friend!" They both come back in front
of the curtain. Forearm to the back - Arn rolls down the ramp. Head to
the safety rail. Anderson rolls into the ring...forearm by Steiner. Got
the lead pipe...off the ropes with a lead pipe cinch clothesline! "What
are ya gonna do, Flair?" STEINER RECLINER ON ARN ANDERSON!
Back to the go position, where Fit Finlay is holding back Flair. "You're
the CEO!" "I don't care if I'm the CEO or not - what do you mean I can't
do it? Then get security out there!" Goldberg runs by this tussle....and
now it's COLD BEER out to the ring...only to be headed off at ringside by
THE NARCISSIST's Ace Toolbow elbow! WHACK with the chair! SARGE is over
the rail - *he* gets a whack. SECURITY swarms around Luger and
Steiner...but it's not working. SID VISCOUS shows up, but they don't feel
like cutting to THAT camera....we see that THE MAN helping security carry
Arn backstage. Crowd chanting "Sid Sid Sid" - credits are up and we're
out...just as Steiner gets his mits on Vicious, forearming away...
Hey! This show *is* getting better, isn't it? A bungload of talking, but
if they get the stories in place, maybe they can dial it down in time for
next week...right? Well, you and I will be back then to find out!
You're watching BULL!
Christopher Robin Zimmerman
www.CRZ.net